I walked down stairs and out into the back yard. I picked up the basketball and started shooting hoops. Mary and Lucy walked up and stood on the side of the court. Lucy said," Not every thing turns out the way it's supposed to. It's just how life is."
I said," Tell me I shouldn't even be able to believe that my parents should love each other."
I turned around faced her holding the basketball. I continued," if I can't trust that my parents will always love each other, and me, how can I trust anything else in life. He said until death! He said it!"
I turned around and tears fell from my eyes and shot the basketball. Mary caught it under the basket. She pulled me around to look at her.
She said," Sarah, sometimes things change. Mom and dad didn't love each other anymore."
I yelled as I pulled away and fell to the floor," She still loved him. She never stopped loving him. He's the one that left. Death is forever. They were supposed to be together for life."
Mary knelled down beside me and pulled me into her arms. I laid in her arms and sobbed," It's all my fault. He loved her until I was born. It's my fault."
I closed my eyes and saw myself writing in my journal
It's my fault you're not here anymore. You gave me every thing, but I took it all away. Dad never wanted anymore kids. I wasn't planned, he didn't want me. Maybe he would still be in love with you if it wasn't for me. Maybe you'd still be a family.
Mary held me close. She whispered," It's not your fault. None of this is your fault. Sarah you had nothing to do with dad leaving mom. Nothing! Dad left because he had an affair. He left by choice, you didn't make him leave. He still loves you though. He will always love you. That's why he's letting you live with Aunt Susan. Think about how much it hurts him to let you go a second time. He has another chance to prove to you that he loves you. A chance to show you every thing you think about him is wrong, but instead…he's going to just let you be happy. He's going to give you up so that you can have the life you want and be happy the way you can't be here with us. We love you Sarah…that's why we're letting you go."