Please R&R if you have any ideas, cause I've got writers block.
The poem is an unknown author. I got it from song is "No One Else Knows" by Building 429
We sat there is silence for a while before I said," I want to go to bed. I'll see you in the morning. I love you Mary."
She said," I love you too. Good night."
She left and I curled up in bed and slowly drifted off to sleep.
I woke up the next morning and there was a card sitting beside my bed.
I sat up and opened the card.
It was Mary's handwriting, I knew.
I opened it up and read the inside,"
For the rest of my life I will always be your big sister,
And until the day we day, our mom will always be our mom.
Even when you think you're all alone,
Just remember that you aren't,
Because I'm always here.
This is a poem I found and a cd of a song I think will help you understand what I mean.
'You never said "I'm leaving,"
You never said "Goodbye,"
You were gone before I knew it,
and only God knew why.
A million times I needed you,
A million times I cried,
if love alone could save you,
you never would have died.
In life I loved you dearly,
in death I love you still,
in my heart you hold a place,
that no one could ever fill.
It broke my heart to lose you,
but you didn't go alone,
for a part of me went with you,
the day God took you home.'
Love you to Heaven and Back,
Mary"
I traced my fingers over her name as tears slowly fell from my eyes.
I took the cd and put it into my cd player. I slipped on the head phones and hit play.
I sat there in the silence of my room until my ears were filled with music. I sat there as tears rolled down my face and the lyrics sparked memories that flooded my mind.
My world is closing in
On the inside
But I'm not showing it
I sit in the dark of my brother's room…It's the day of the accident. The steady beeping of the machines bring me back to reality. It's not a dream, it's real. They're gone, he's gone. His body is laying there on the bed across the room, but he's not it in. His spirit is already gone.
When all I am is crying out
I hold it in and fake a smile
Still I'm broken
I'm broken
I refuse to let them in. They left me. I sit in the attic bedroom that is now my home and close me eyes. I pray to be at home…to be hearing gun shots and sirens. I want to be surrounded by the things I remember. The violence is a thing of the past is what my dad told me. I was safe here…I was safe there. That was my home, THEY were my family. The violence was something I was used to. It wasn't violent in my home. In my home I was safe. No one could hurt me there. Here I wasn't so sure. The man downstairs laying in bed with his wife was my dad. The woman beside him was not my mother. They hadn't wanted me. They had left me behind by choice. My brother had stayed with me by choice. I just wanted to close my eyes and wake up from my nightmare.
Only one can understand
And only one can hold the hand
Of the broken
Of the broken
That time I ran away home…only to find out that it wasn't mine anymore. My heart was so broken. While Aunt Susan had slept in her room I had ran the three miles from her house to cemetery. I sat at the grave of my mom and cried. She was supposed to save me from my nightmares. She had spent her whole life trying to make it right. Trying to fix what my father had done to me, but in the end it didn't matter. I still ended up alone.
When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
I closed my eyes and remember packing the apartment and finding that old record. It had meant every thing to me. It was our special song. Mom and Aunt Susan sang it to me all the time. I told her to sell it when money got tight, but she didn't. she kept it for me. And when I needed it the most there it was. In my mom's closet, her secret treasure just for me.
When no one else cares where I've been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in your arms
Again
Some times I would dream about the old times. When I would come home and she'd be waiting. She'd taken off work to be waiting on me. With some special surprise planned to fill our evening. We would cook, dance, just sit together and talk. My mom was my best frined. I tried to say I hadn't know here well. That we hadn't been close. I thought if I pretended like she had never been there it wouldn't hurt o bad, but it still hurt. I wanted to be wrapped in her arms again. It's all I wanted.
I need no explanation of why me
I just need confirmation
Only You could understand the
emptiness inside my head
I am falling
I am falling
I'm falling down upon my knees
To find the one who gives me peace
I am flying
Lord I am flying
I would give up the entire world to see her again. When I was little she used to sneak into my bed and I would wake up in her arms. I knew she was lonely, but I was happy to be loved, to be wanted. I loved waking up in her arms. If only I could wake up in her arms…
When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I've been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in Your arms
Again
I have come to you in search of faith
Cause I can't see beyond this place
Oh You are God and I am man
So I'll leave it in Your hands
All my life faith had been so big to me. I wanted so much to hate it now. I wanted to hate every thing she had taught me because of him. I didn't want his faith or his traditions. I didn't want his family or his wife. I really didn't want his love…I just wanted his acceptance…his apology.
If only Mary knew what that song meant. What it did to my mind.
She came in sat down beside me.
I hugged as tears poured from my eyes and the song started again in my headphones. I held onto her tight as sobs slowly escaped my mouth.
She turned and pulled me tighter into her arms.
She held my head against her shoulder as my dad and Aunt Susan came to the door to see what was wrong.
She gently rubbed circles on my back and I held her and cried.
Aunt Susan sat down beside us and wrapped her arms around us both.
After a little while I turned into Aunt Susan's arms and said," I want to go home now Aunt Susan. I want to go home."