A/N: Hey there, darlings. I don't own the original story of Rapunzel, or any of the fairy tales these stories will be based on. They're only meant for fun, and are just meant for some good, old-fashioned thirty-second fun! Hope you enjoy.

Chapter One
Rutabaga: A re-telling of Rapunzel

All right.

Once upon a time there was this witch who had a garden full of these wicked awesome rutabagas. She was really psyched about them, and totally ready to enter them in the State Fair like she'd done for the past 27 years straight (well, almost, her fourth year in there had been this super nasty ice storm during harvest time and she'd been out of town, so she couldn't be blamed for that one) and win, like she had for the past 27 (technically 26- but she claimed that fourth year as a victory and no one really remembered anyway so no one contested her on it) years.

So anyway. Her neighbor's wife was going to have a baby and was mega hungry (I mean, she was pregnant. That's just kind of part of the deal, you know? You got two bodies there you're providing fuel for. It's hard work, dangit!) The nearest grocery store was 20 miles south and he was out of gas, so he figured he'd just hop the fence and take some rutabagas (he had every intention of paying for them, mind you, and the only reason he hopped the fence was because the gate was old and rusted and looked horribly unsafe and he didn't want to break it by accident and have to pay for damages) but the witch wasn't there, so he figured he'd just take some and pay her back later, because his wife was really hungry now. So he left a very polite note on top of the garden, took a few rutabagas and went back to his wife and made an excellent glazed rutabaga dish with a cream cheese dressing.

So the witch came home (she'd been at the grocery store 20 miles away) and found the note, and, being a very reasonable, level-headed and sensible lady, decided to go over and negotiate payment. It wasn't serious, she still had plenty of rutabagas to enter, but she usually sold her extras and so she reasonably wanted some monetary compensation since he'd taken a few of her extras.

So, she went over to her neighbor's house, but instead of jumping the fence, she used the gate. This turned out to be a mistake, because the gate was, as previously described, old and rusty and spiky and generally unpleasant and dangerous. So the witch sliced her hand open when she tried to push the gate open. Now, this was, obviously, very painful. So she started screeching and yelling and cursing, and her neighbor panicked, thinking she had found that her rutabagas were missing and was horribly upset. So he ran outside to comfort her and tried everything he could think of. She could take his house, his car, heck, he could take their child once it was born, name her Rutabaga and lock her in a tower and cut off all her hair and donate it to a cancer charity.

The witch considered this for a moment, but then remembered the cost of raising a child in the modern age and told the neighbor that sorry, bucko, he had to foot the bill for that himself, and she'd be just fine with a couple of bucks. So the neighbor paid, and the witch entered her rutabagas and lost because the judges suspected that she was using artificial growth enhancing spells on them.

Which she was.

-fin

A/N: If you would like to see a particular fairy tale redone, tell me and I'll try my best!