Confessions of a Potter Princess XX
"So how do I look?" the five year old me asked giggling.
I had snuck into my parents' dressing room and thrown on a mad mix of mum's couture, wizarding clothes, and my dad's quidditch robes. The waist of mum's black silk gown pooled around my ankles and a Chudley Cannons t- shirt tied over my little waist forming a bulky belt. It was all topped off of course by layers of gold, pearls and even an orange jockstrap hung around my neck not to mention an oversized flowered wizard's that slid down to my nose with a brim so wide you could comfortably have afternoon tea up there.
"I don't know I can't see your beautiful face under this thing, and it's too wide to ever kiss you" laughed a seven year old Colton lifting up the brim of the hat our faces so close I could count each of his eyelashes. A funny thing to notice.
"Kiss me? What would you want to do that for?" I said scrunching up my nose, smiling wryly.
"Sorry, but what did you say? You heard me all wrong. I said it's too wide to ever miss you. I'd be able to spot you from ten city blocks away", he said quickly.
"So, no hat then?"
"No hat"
"Do you really think I'm beautiful?"
"Miss" a strange voice said to me as I felt my shoulder being shaken, "sorry to wake you miss, but we've arrived at the station"
I rubbed my face with one hand and gathered my purse and a trunk filled with garment bags and walked out onto the platform where Dee and Maxim were waiting.
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"Delilah, I know this sounds super cheesy and everything, but how did you know that Maxim was the one" I said pinning the back of the white wedding dress. The wedding is in only a week and I was back in England at Morningsong Manor for last minute fittings and whatnot.
"Well, I suppose I don't. Not really. But, I love him and he loves me with all his heart and never once have I questioned that." She said
"But how do you know? How could you say yes you're it forever and ever and never doubt that?" I insisted marking the fabric.
"Because…" Dee stopped and then smiled a brilliant smile, big blue eyes shining, "because I know how he likes his cereal in the morning, how many slices of strawberry, because I know how his right eyebrow twitches and fists clench when somebody even thinks about insulting the England quidditch team, because I feel the way his arm tightens around me when another man so much as looks at me, because I feel it in everything I do and in twenty, thirty, forty, fifty years it's still going to be there, I believe that."
"He told me he loved me, Dee. I mean I suppose I wasn't meant to hear it since he thought I was asleep, but Colton, he loves me" I blurted out.
Delilah just looked at me, hands on hips.
"Well, duh a blind person could see that. He's loved you for years; he's loved you for as long as I can remember."
"And you never thought about maybe telling me, since you know I am you're best friend?" I accused
"Oh please, he's my other best friend and it's not like I've told him every secret you've told me. He's was going to tell you, when you graduated because he wanted you two to be able to have a life together. But then Rainier happened and then you were sick, and he didn't know what to do. I told him to tell you, but then Rainier happened again and it just never… she said trailing off.
"So he's waited nineteen years. Is he really planning on ever telling me?"
"Charlotte, the moment was never right"
"We've been living together for the past year and a half, we've been sleeping together on and off for the past I don't know eight, nine months"
"He wanted you to be happy. He didn't want to complicate things. When you first started sleeping together, it was basically nothing to you and everything to him and he was willing to take every bit of you you were willing to give."
"But it wasn't 'nothing' to me. I know I acted like it was. I fooled everyone, even myself. I just, I needed him and that was the only way I knew how. He kept going out with these beautiful women, and I started to feel things I wasn't supposed to."
"Why can't you just let yourself feel, Charlotte?" After a beat she added, "You know in marriage you're not signing your life away. It's like you're letting someone sign up to be the one who receives you completely mind, body, and soul. And if Rainier could just do that…" she looked troubled and just looked at me.
"You can love more than once in your life, but it's like somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don't get him first, somebody else will, and you'll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband"
I smiled at the familiar use of Dee-logic "So your vote is for Colton then?"
"No, my vote is for the one that's your going to love forever"
"But they both said they'd love me"
"This isn't about them, Charlotte. Who do you love?"
"Turn around" I said placing one last pin along the back seam of the dress.
Dee looks at herself in the mirror, smiling. I see her glance at a picture of her and Maxim on the vanity. She smiles even wider and I don't think I've ever seen her so beautiful, despite the fact that her hair is a ponytail and she doesn't have a spot of makeup on.
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"You're leaving soon aren't you?" I said my bottom lip quivering and I looked down at the floor trying not to cry.
We were at a party. Colton and Sebastian's graduation party actually. He and Delilah's older brother were now fully a part of the adult society. Sebastian who wanted to study herbology like his father, my uncle Neville, would leave for Argentina soon and begin traveling the world sending samples of plants back to England. Colton on the other hand was moving to Paristo attend the Sorbonne school of Law and to work as a wizarding lawyer at one of the most esteemed firms in the wizarding world. It was an unbelievable opportunity, but it made me sad to see him go.
"Well, yes but don't look like that I'll see you at Christmas." He said placing one hand under my chin lifting my head up to look at him.
"But Colton that's ages away" the fifteen year old me whined.
"Come here, I need to show you something" he said grabbing my hand pulling me upstairs away from the commotion of the crowded party and into his bedroom at Lupin's Den.
"Ooh is it a present I love presents. But this is your graduation. What are you getting me something for?"
"Like you said you love presents. So, here" he said handing me a cardboard box
I sat down on his bed and ripped it open eagerly and looked inside "A box of trash, thanks how did you know?" I said sarcastically not seeing anything except packaging matter in the box.
"Just keep looking"
I sifted through the paper again and found inside a little charm. It was a gold heart and engraved was: Paris holds the key to her heart
"Oh is that what you think you are?" I asked him smiling coyly.
Colton sat next to me. He scratched the back of his head and looked at the floor shyly almost nervously.
"Charlotte, you and I have been friends, best friends, since forever." He said still looking down but moving closer towards me. I felt my heart speed up as he looked at me. Our faces were a mere inch apart," I wonder sometimes, well actually almost all the time if we could ever, I mean if we-"
"There you two are, come on Colton your dad and I have a special surprise for you" said my Aunt Tonks interrupting the moment.
I pocketed the charm and the three of us walked down the stairs.
The alarm clock on the bedside table of Morningsong's guest bedroom rang waking me the next morning with a start. It was the second time in a row I had dreamt of Colton. I got up and walked over to the chintz chair in the corner where my new Chloe bag was. I dug through my purse and found my wallet. Inside in a zippered coin pocket lay the heart charm. I always had it with me, whether on a chain around my neck, in a lapel pocket or in my purse.
Rainier was leaving today.
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This is kind of a two part of chapter with the next one. I split it up because the story just flowed better that way. That will be the last chapter and it will maybe followed by an epilogue. I don't know yet though. Please review.