I am not ready.
I awoke alone in a hammock, swinging gently with the surge of the ship. A mildewed blanket was tangled around my legs, and grew cold with my own sweat. Slowly, the last vestiges of the dream left me, and I shook my head. Dropping my feet to the floor, I winced as my cold heels stung, but at least it woke me up. It was dark, but I knew that a candle was in the corner of the room, surrounded by protecting glass, and I padded over to it. Twisting my finger just so, a tiny flame leapt from me to the wick and light came.
My reflection in a cracked mirror was garish – a blooming scar over my left eye dominated all. Running my hand over it, I heard the jeers of the spectators and the contempt in my father's face once more. It does not do to dwell on the past. I dressed quickly, my uniform of red on red, the color of blood and hate to my mind. Very well, it suited me.
I made my way on deck, legs keeping me balanced without my mind interceding. Uncle Iroh was there, taking command of the ship for the few hours I had been able to sleep. I walked to stand beside him, a good length taller than him, but unmistakably the weaker bender. It used to annoy me, being compared to him and found lacking; now, it only flattered me to be compared at all. He turned to me with a welcoming smile, and motioned for me to take over, if I wished.
Nodding without a word, he left the place of power to me, and slinked off to wherever he went when not required. He would return, like clockwork, if he was able to help. He always did. I surveyed the rigging and the men, trying to look beneath as Uncle had taught me, and frowned. The men weren't moving as quickly, and seemed more tired. Perhaps they needed a rest?
The muster showed that a new watch had been called a half hour before; I couldn't rotate it again so soon. I had to do something else. But what could it be? It wasn't that they were physically tired, but mentally. I had to give them leave, a respite from the chase on shore. Perfect, I had always wanted to let more than ten score men on land and hope that they would do no more plundering than the entire army could.
"Land ho, my lord!" came a cry from above. I nodded, unsurprised. We had been skirting the Earth nation coast for a week now, and sightings came from time to time. I was not prepared, however, when a longer message was relayed to me: "It looks like preparations for a Festival of Conquest are going on in one of the towns, my lord!" I saw the heads turn and the hopeful smiles exchanged by some of the sailors.
There was my solution. A Festival would be just the thing to raise my men's morale once more, and touching base with our army would possibly give me more information on the whereabouts of the avatar. I gave the order to head to port, and went below.
Uncle was drinking his tea, ginseng by the smell that pervaded the room. He took a sip, and said, "So, Prince Zuko, what is the news? I can hear a lot of activity up there, and we've changed course."
He had not invited me to sit, so in his presence I remained standing. "A Festival of Conquest is starting soon in an Earth village on the coast. I have ordered that the men be given time onshore for three days."
"Sit down, you silly boy, and join an old man for some breakfast." Flustered, I took a cushion that was on the floor and knelt across from him, a sign of respect. He offered me some tea, and then a bowl of the gruel I had eaten every day for too long. I took it with grace, I hope, and began eating. "Why?" he eventually said.
"Why what, Uncle?"
"Why did you order such a thing? There has to be a reason."
"The men are tired, Uncle. I owe it to them to give them relief for a time."
He gave me an appraising look, and I felt like a schoolboy. Had I given the correct order? I hadn't even considered it until then, and now the uncertainty washed over me like a tide. I struggled not to let it show on my face, though; a commander never second guesses himself.
Uncle chuckled, totally startling me. "It's true. I was wondering whether you would notice, Prince Zuko."
I felt ashamed, and managed to croak, "How long has it escaped my attention?"
"Oh, no, not long at all, a few days at most. I would have told you in a week or so, if nothing had changed." Still, I felt as though I had failed the men I commanded, to have been so inattentive. "Don't be so glum. You are improving, and that is enough for now."
"No, Uncle, I have to be better than this. I am in command now, and these people are depending on me. I do not have the option of failure." Stupid, stupid, stupid…the dream returned, making it difficult for me to think or focus on Uncle's next words.
"You're no more than a child yet. You do not have to be ready for such things."
"I am in command, regardless of my age. I do have to be ready." There was an insistent voice in the back of my head, prying at my thoughts.
Fire is an absolute.
I had to be in control of myself and my mind. I could almost feel myself becoming angry.
I am not ready.
Uncle said, "You are not. Don't let it bother you; there is all the time in the world to prepare."
I threw my cup across the room, sending shards of pottery to the ground. Suddenly on my feet, I furiously grabbed a lantern and its holder to light my path and shivered momentarily with the passage of another tiny flame from me to the oil-soaked wick. With a growled goodbye, I stormed out of the room, and, outside my own cabin, immediately regretted it. Uncle had only shown me my shortcomings; I needed to learn to improve upon them. But I had no handle on my temper. It was another thing to correct.
There were always so many things to correct.
It was almost time for the Festival to begin. I had set a watch of twenty men to guard and keep the ship for a time; another twenty had been ordered to return midway through the celebrations to relieve them. No man would totally miss the Festival of Conquest, and even I felt the beginnings of youthful anticipation. I had never attended a Festival of Conquest before, per say, but I had heard much.
"My lord, you asked to meet with the ranking officer?" one of the victorious (if slightly drunk) men said. I nodded swiftly, disgusted. I would never permit my men alcohol on duty, regardless of pending merriment. He blearily pointed me to a large building, formerly the major's mansion, I assumed. Such was the common practice of the Fire nation army; immediately consume all remains of the last regime. I entered the main office with a flourish, or, at the least, attempted to.
"Prince Zuko, is it?" Obviously the general, who possessed an abundance of hair above his eyes, had partaken of a few drinks as well. Again, I nodded.
"General Tohn, I would congratulate you and your men on your triumph in the name of my father the Emperor." I cringed at the mere mention of the man, and resisted the urge to touch my disfigurement.
"Well met and accepted…my lord," he bowed cheerfully with some hesitation. I was, after all, the banished prince; code of conduct is somewhat sketchy on the subject of exiles. With the pleasantries aside, I decided to get down to business.
"Is there any news of the avatar in this area?"
He looked confused, and then slurred out, "I do believe some of the men reported hearing about him from the villagers. You know," he raised his unkempt and distracting eyebrows conspiratorially, "when the women were being…interrogated."
He meant rape, I knew, but I chose to ignore the incentive of such a conversation. Fighting bile in my throat, I said, "I come also to request supplies for my journey."
"Yes, naturally, and what all would that entail?" Men are always more generous when they feel they have more to give.
"Enough food and water to keep two hundred fifty men at sea for three months, General, if it is not too much to ask." That gave him pause. I could see the wheels turning, the calculations; could he afford to just give away that much? He knew as well as I did that the supply trains were coming less and less often. The Fire nation was losing its grip on the peripherals of its newfound empire. However, I also knew that no self-respecting firebender could stand upon a challenged ego. "Of course, if you cannot accommodate, I can always go elsewhere. It is a sad day indeed when the renowned name of the great General Tohn is tarnished by such a thing." I had never heard of him before that day, but the temperament of most 'underappreciated' soldiers is easy to surmise.
"Nonsense, I will not have it!" he shouted, a little too loudly. I proffered a sheet of paper, watched him sign it, and tucked it into a pouch.
Bowing low, I said, "My thanks, General. I will remember this." It was gone from my mind as I left the room. I have progressed in my studies of diplomacy over the years.
After passing the order from the general to my second-in-command, I changed into more decorative robes and made my way to the center of attention; an enormous display of firebending in the form of the Fire nation emblem standing thirty feet in the air. There were other benders around the leader, all showing off with minor fireplays. I watched and tried to commit their stances to memory before moving on.
I purchased a festival mask with no face, only an intricate pattern of oranges, yellows, and reds. Walking around to the different stalls, I stopped when an unusual commotion taking place in a back alleyway caught my eye.
It was a slave auction.
Drawn by a horrible fascination, I walked to the back of the small and somewhat cramped audience. Two masked men in front of me were discussing the great drop in price of the 'commodities' – I could only assume he meant the people to be sold – since the surplus. One answered the other with a long and rambling anecdote about his great-grandfather's slave, that later became his wife. I was nearly bored to tears before a brawny man took the raised platform that was meant as a stage.
"Now, we all know why we're here," he started, in a rumbling, thick voice. There were scattered instances of elbowing and chuckles. "The army's gotten itself so many new captives, it hardly knows what to do with them!"
The slaves were the captured remains of the defeated village. My stomach gave a nauseated lurch.
Now several catcalls were made from the other side of me, and I turned to look. A line of twenty women or so, some barely more than girls, was being led to the raise platform. I saw that their left ankles were all chained together, but their hands were left free. All except one, and it was she that threw me off balance; she could have been no older than I was, but her wrists were held in chains that led to her feet, making her posture bent and hunched over.
There was a look in her eyes of hatred so complete it almost made me hate myself, as well. Looking closer, I saw that she had light skin and dark blonde hair,with eyes of deepest blue. I felt myself take another breath; I hadn't inhaled for a long while. This girl was beautiful.
I stayed back, observing the muffled (and occasionally not-so-muffled) sobbing of mothers watching their daughters taken from them with mild horror. One pair resisted any attempt to part, before kissing wildly. That, admittedly, startled me quite a bit; I had to turn away. One obese man paid fifty coins for the both of them, laughing about his own personal entertainment. I nearly retched.
Next came the chained girl. The muscled overseer called, "And now we have the last of the true earthbenders of this pitiful village! The rest were killed or surrendered, to be sold as little more than sheep! Who among you had the balls to tame this one?" And there was silence. No one would want a dangerous girl, too young for most tastes, in their homes.
"Ten coins." The audience parted to reveal me, masked still, at the back, and I realized that I had been the one to speak. No one bid higher, and the girl was cleanly lifted off her feet to be brought to me. She struggled, but was limited by the chains, and soon was dropped in a heap at my feet. Only then did she speak, in a vehement hiss.
"My sister! I beg of you, my sister! I can't be parted from her, and if I am, you'll be dead within the week!" I blinked, amazed; what person in their right mind threatens the one man that could help them? I remembered that she thought I was another of the nauseating men that would soon be defiling the rest of the women that she had known all her life. I had no intention of doing such an act with her.
I looked at the next girl, perhaps nine years old, with pale skin and fair hair. What had I to lose? "Fifteen for both?" I ventured, and the overseer shrugged. She was too young to hope for more. This girl was deposited into my arms – she had a broken leg, andcould not walk. She almost seemed too light and fragile to be real, and I held her easily. As I paid what I owed, I was given the key to my new slaves' chains.
It was no more than an hour before I learned to regret my actions. The earthbender – whose name, I had learned, was Amara – always searched for a way to escape. That had eventually been remedied by my decision to carry Kiri, her sister, myself. Amara, it seemed, would not leave without Kiri.
Thus did I gain my two slaves,both strangers that would soon seem like family.