Chappie 22

"Waddaya wan' fer food?" Murdoc's voice shouted from the Winnebago kitchen.

"Uh, waddaya 'ave?" 2D asked not taking his eyes from the TV with a beer in his hand, slouched on the couch. He thought it was strange Murdoc had let him be comfortable without being pulverized yet. He didn't bother to take any notice though.

There was a grumble and a smash of glass "Prawn Cocktail crisps?"

2D shivered with disgust, he hated Prawn Cocktail crisps "Nah, I 'ate 'em."

Murdoc walked back in and threw a packet in his face "Tough shit Tuss-fuck. That's all I 'ave." He nearly sat on top of 2D who wisely shifted away.

2D grimaced at the taste of the crisp he forced himself to pop into his mouth and shuddered. Murdoc was half-way through his packet. 2D read the package out of boredom because Murdoc had started to watch porn again.

He sighed deeply and his attention averted from the TV to the rest of the Winnebago. It looked cleaner than usual, or from what he had seen of it anyway. The level of beer cans and disposed porno magazines wasn't ankle high allowing big patches of the floor to be visible revealing age-old stains that had probably been there since the dawn of time. The moose head that hung to the right of the door had been groomed and the fleas that once inhabited it seemed to be extinct. Through the almost always shut blinds, he saw that the windows had only a few smudges smeared across them. The huge hole in the hole behind the couch had been loosely repaired.

An idea floated from the dark depths of 2D's head. He reached into his pocket and pulled out an ancient lollypop. It was blue with lint and fluff hanging off it. He had had it for years and no matter how long it would remain in his mouth, it never wore down. It allowed him to relieve his boredom with its unearthly taste. He stuck in his mouth forcefully, smiling as he did so. He closed his eyes as his vision blurred. When he reopened them, he saw more clearly.

Murdoc allowed a loud, revolting burp to erupt from his stomach and enhanced it by forcing it out harder. He then ran his tongue over his teeth quickly, picking out any stray bits of food. He glanced to 2D and focused on the white stick protruding from his mouth "'ey, dullard, what's that?" He gestured towards the stick.

2D tilted his head slightly at him and answered with the lollypop sticking through the gap where his front teeth once were "Oh, 'vis?" He pointed to the lollypop in question.

Murdoc rolled his eyes "Nah, I'm talkin' 'bout the bloody pitchfork stickin' outta ya head! Whatcha f'ink?"

2D looked confused at Murdoc's remark and, without realizing that it was sarcasm, lifted his hand to the back of his head, and turned around slightly.

Murdoc slapped a hand to his face and grumbled with near worn out patience "Yes, the stick stikin' outta yer gob."

"Oh, yeah, it's me lil' lollypop, 'elps me relieve da stress 'nd boredom I sometimes get." He scratched the back of his head, his hand running over the two dents in the back. He flinched as a slight spear of pain shot through his skull.

In reply, Murdoc grunted and stared back at the TV. He didn't watch any of it really, to tell the truth, he was bored too. Usually he would be out getting laid and drunk, but no, he is busy baby-sitting 2D. He snarled at the thought angrily.

Suddenly, the two heard a squawk come from an outside window. 2D was about to get up but Murdoc pushed down on his head to lift himself up to see what was outside. After rubbing his head, which probably had Murdoc's handprint on it since 2D bruised like a banana, he stepped over to the window too.

He looked at Murdoc curiously, as a grin spread over his face and his mismatched eyes narrowed, but then had to turn away at the stench of his breath. He coughed a few times. He had to stumble back as something rammed into the window knocking it open and flew in. It landed expertly and Murdoc's outstretched arm.

"Cortez, where 'ave yer been?" Murdoc stroked the raven gently "I ain't seen yer after dem bloody bunnies attacked us!"

2D stood up quickly, not wanting the Raven to spot him. Alas, it did and glared at him with equal hatred his master shared. 2D gulped, that bird was always after him for no reason. Maybe it was because Murdoc had taught it to despise 2D.

"Face-ache, come say 'i te Cortez." He said wickedly, knowing 2D's fear of the bird "Pretty black bird ain't 'e?"

2D face scrunched in confusion "Nah, it ain't a blackbird, it's a raven."

Murdoc spat on the floor and allowed Cortez to fly off somewhere deep into the Winnebago. He walked up to 2D and stared at him menacingly. 2D prepared himself for a punch but received a painful whack to the head. It wasn't as painful as a punch anywhere else and he was grateful for that but dared not let it show.

My POV

I ran over to the Winnebago to check on how 2D and Muds had been doing for the past half-hour. Hopefully, 2D wouldn't have been injured yet.

I knocked on the door only to be greeted by it flinging open and 2D jumping out in fear, landing in my arms like in Scooby-Doo.

"'ide me!" he squealed almost suffocating me. My knees buckled and I dropped him but slipped and fell down myself. I blew some of my hair out of my face. 2D smiled innocently, the lollystick protruding from the gap in his teeth making him look even more cute.

Murdoc came out and smirked at us on the floor but saw it was me and quickly wiped it off. He hid something behind his back "Uh…" His eyes glanced at something behind him "Sam, whaddaya doin' 'ere?"

I stood and brushed some dirt off my skirt I was wearing. It was the pretty, light blue frill mini-skirt I had for like… Ever! Sorry, off the subject, back to the story "Murdoc, what have you done to 2D?" I pointed to 2D cowering on the floor like a poor baby kitty who got scared by a ball of yarn.

"I uh…" He gulped slightly.

I giggled "Aw, you're having a 2D moment!"

"'ey! 'vat ain't funny…" 2D said, no emotion in his voice. Murdoc growled. I managed to see something light green he was holding behind him.

"What are you hiding, Murdoc?" I asked.

He hesitated. I knew he wasn't going to show me so I pounced on him and tried yanking it out of his hands.

"Oi! Gerroff!" He barked. I climbed onto his shoulders and started punding his head. He didn't feel it but I'm sure having a fifteen-year-old jump and perch on your shoulders isn't all that comfortable.

I let out a yelp as I fell off. Luckily, 2D caught me from behind.

"Are ya brain dead or sum'ink?" Murdoc began to rant "You don't just 'op on anyone's shoulders! You're bloody heavy!"

"I hope by heavy you don't mean fat." I snapped loudly folding my arms.

He sighed and muttered very quietly "No…"

"Good." I saw what he was holding that had scared 2D so badly "Broccoli!"

"Uh… I was just getting' it outta the fridge 'nd…" Murdoc tried searching for an excuse.

"'e chased me 'round wiv' it! I 'ate Brocclee!" 2D protested stepping back from the broccoli Murdoc held.

"I can't leave you two for five minutes, can I?" Much to my surprise, they both shook their heads, eager for me to call the sleepover off. Well, too bad for them, I wasn't "Well, despite that fact, I will not call off the sleepover." Moans of distress uttered from both boys "I'll keep a closer eye on you two." I pondered for a second "A spy-cam!"

Murdoc snickered "Where ya gonna find one of those?"

I shrugged "I'm sure Noodle will have one." I skipped off to retrieve the spy-cam leaving Murdoc and 2D outside the Winnebago.

"Well, dis is a barrel of laughs, ain't it, dullard?" Murdoc growled sitting on the Winnebago steps.

"Uh?" 2D scratched his head avoiding the dents in the back "Where?" He looked around.

Murdoc put his head in his hand to muffle a long moan.

Moo! Guess what? I got lost in Narnia the other day, following a little elf. I saw this goat guy and started chasing him. Then I ran into a tree and woke up. Yesterday I saw Ice Age 2… Scrat the saber-toothed squirell and Eddie & Crash, the two possums, are so adorable and FLUFFY! And I have a whole other bunch of reasons why I might be related to Sid… . . … DOH! .