Chapter 4: The Amazing Bean
After the Glitz Pit; a fighting arena for people who wanted to make a name for themselves; had lost its previous owner do to his corruptive nature and need for power, Ms. Jolene had taken over as the new owner.
The duplighost stood in front of the curt-looking female toad, looking full of himself as he tried to smooth talk her. "Jolene- bay-bee! My strange new friend here is looking for a job and I thought you might be able to give him one!"
Ms. Jolene pushed her glasses up and gave Doopliss a look of utter disgust. "Since when have you ever bothered helping anyone besides yourself, Mr. Doopliss?"
"I am having the wantingness of a job!" Fawful declared, popping up between Ms. Jolene and Doopliss.
The toad just pushed him away with a look of pure disdain and turned back to Doopliss. "To tell you the truth, your friend here seems a little bit-"
"Annoying?" Doopliss asked as if Fawful weren't standing right there, "aggravating? Irritating beyond all boundaries of mortal comprehension?"
"I was going to say 'odd,' but that works, too." Jolene looked suspiciously at the duplighost. "There's something you want, isn't there? You're not...down on your luck, are you?"
"Well, Jolene," began Doopliss, sounding as if he were trying to get around the question, "there comes a time in every great actor's life when-"
"So you're jobless," Ms. Jolene concluded, "and probably in debt, too. So what do you think this guy's gonna get you?" The toad gestured to Fawful, who was messing with various things in Ms. Jolene's office and obviously not paying attention to a word either of them were saying.
"Confidentially," Doopliss whispered, as if thinking his many loyal fans might overhear, "I'm planning on making him my fighting partner in the Glitz Pit. Now, it's not as if I wouldn't be able to take on every poor excuse for a fighter that you throw at me, but-"
Ms. Jolene interrupted him. "Just get to the point if you will, Mr. Doopliss."
"I need someone to make me look good," stated the duplighost bluntly, "and that 'Fawful' idiot's just the one to do it."
Ms. Jolene glared at Doopliss over her glasses, bearing an almost frightening resemblance to a librarian. "I'm ashamed of you, Doopliss! It's not nice to take advantage of stupid people!"
"But-"
"No 'buts!' In fact, just because of this, I'll give him a job, Doopliss, but not you."
Jolene walked behind her desk and beckoned Fawful over to her. "Are you interested in being a fighter in the Glitz Pit, dear?"
"Is this fighting in the Pit of Glitz going to be of the helping me to be doing the earningness of the coins?" Fawful asked very loudly.
"We use our indoor voices here, slick," Doopliss muttered from the other side of the room.
Ms. Jolene ignored the disgruntled duplighost and continued talking to Fawful, a little bit hesitantly. "Of course you'll make coins-if you win your fights, that is. Wins are what get you the real sums."
"I'm being OK at the fightingness," Fawful said, sounding rather unsure, "I would be liking to be doing the fighting in the Pit of Glitz."
Ms. Jolene got out a contract and a pen. "Please sign here, then."
Somehow, Fawful managed to sign the paper.
Ms. Jolene picked up the contract and examined it. " 'Fawful,' eh? Well, your stage name's going to have to be something different. You look like an 'Amazing Bean,' to me."
So it was settled. Fawful's stage name was now 'The Amazing Bean.'
Ms. Jolene came out from behind her desk. "Please follow me, Mr. Bean. I'll take you to your locker room and show you how to register for a fight."
"I AM DOING THE FIGHTINGNESS!" Fawful yelled, causing Doopliss to cringe.
"Of course you are," responded Ms. Jolene, "Now come along before you're arrested for disturbing the peace."
Fawful continued shouting as he and Ms. Jolene left the room. "I am having the action of coming with you!"
Doopliss, meanwhile, was staring in utter shock at the closed door of Ms. Jolene's office. How dare she reject him like that! Why, he was the great and amazing Doopliss of legend!
Ms. Jolene ducked her head back into the room suddenly, "As for you, Doopliss...I'll pay you one coin per hour to mop the floors of the main lobby and to clean my office. Oh yeah. And the sweaty clothing that is constantly being left in the locker rooms. I'll tell my employees to let you into the rooms that I've instructed you to clean. They'll tell you where the cleaning tools are. Have a nice day!" The toad closed the door with a slam that threatened to knock over a glass vase on a nearby bookshelf.
Doopliss sighed loudly on purpose and waited for a few minutes before leaving the office so as to avoid meeting Jolene. "She thinks she's so slick!" He declared angrily to himself. "She obviously doesn't understand what a big star I am! And that weird-talking guy whose name I forgot completely abandoned me! I help him to earn a few coins, and this is the thanks I get! Well, that's the last time I use my kind and loving nature to help someone else out!" With that, he stomped off bad-naturedly to start the cleaning job that he surely considered a mockery to his greatness.
Meanwhile, Ms. Jolene was showing Fawful around a locker room for low-ranking fighters. She led him over to a Gameboy Advance-like device hanging on the wall near the door. "Use this to register for a fight or to check your current rank in the lineup. You're currently in 20th place. If you can get past 10th place, you'll become a major-league fighter. Each time you win, you get more coins."
"I am getting the coins," Fawful stated matter-of-factly, "Then I am doing the paying backness of that which I am owing."
"Riiight." Ms. Jolene began edging her way out of the minor-league locker room. "Well, I'll be going now. Goodbye, Amazing Bean.'"
Fawful stared at the Gameboy Advance on the wall for a few minutes. "I am not knowing how to use this." He didn't seem to realize that Ms. Jolene had just shown him how to use it. It was as if he couldn't comprehend any bit of technology that he himself didn't invent.
"I'll show you, buddy." A bandit who was the only other person in the room messed with the Gameboy Advance and then addressed Fawful. He was wearing a blue, hooded robe. "The name's Bandy Andy. You're registered for a fight now, by the way. King K should be back any moment. He's another minor-league fighter. Well, see ya later. I have to go steal a little bling bling! Good luck out there, Bean!" Andy left the room and quickly skittered down the hallway, thinking that Fawful was rather creepy.
Meanwhile, Doopliss was angrily mopping the floor of the major-league locker room. He was in the mood to rant out loud, so it was a good thing for him that he was the only one in the room. "I can't believe I have to do this...this manual labor! It's horrible! I hate the world! Why must artists suffer so? I know why Jolene is doing this. She's so intimidated by my famous personage that she has to reduce me to a common janitor!"
"The proper term is 'custodian.'"
Doopliss turned to the doorway and addressed the person who had just come in. "Why, you're a giant yellow bird!"
The "bird's" expression at this was one of pure fury. "That's RAWK HAWK to you, and if you say something like that again, I'll have to RAWK you!" Rawk Hawk approached Doopliss, looming over him. "You got a problem with that?"
Doopliss was about to say 'What if I do?' but thought better of it. He had an idea. He was planning on quitting the demeaning job that Jolene had given him, but he wouldn't leave until he brought someone down with him, more specifically, the one who he believed had gotten him into this situation in the first place. "Of course not, but I know someone who has a problem with you."
"Oh?" Rawk Hawk sounded intrigued.
"Are you the top ranking fighter in the Glitz Pit?" asked Doopliss craftily.
"The RAWK is in first place, if that's what you mean." Rawk Hawk was now starting to look rather impatient.
Doopliss set aside his mop and bucket. "Then it's definitely you. You know the new guy? Well, even if you don't, I'll tell you about him. His stage name is 'The Amazing Bean.' He thinks he's real tough. In fact, he says that he's going to give you the worst beating of your life."
"WHAT!" Rawk Hawk's reaction to this statement gave him away as just the type of aggressive person Doopliss was looking for in a dirty trick like this. "No one RAWKS the RAWK!" He then mumbled something to himself that sounded suspiciously like "except for the Great Gonzales."
Luckily for Doopliss, his plan was now going just the way he wanted it to. "Yeah. And listen to this: he says that he's not going to wait until his match against you. He's says he's going to take you down right outside of the Glitz Pit...in the middle of Glitzville!"
Rawk Hawk was now looking like he was ready to go out and kill a few hundred people. "I swore that I'd never fight dirty again after that Gonzales incident, but if some newcomer thinks he wants to start a fight outside of the ring, then I'll be glad to give him a beating he'll never forget." With that, Rawk Hawk stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
Doopliss watched happily as he left, and began humming as he continued mopping the floor.
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Fawful was trotting around the minor-league locker room, annoying anyone who he came in contact with. "I am winning the fightingness!" he declared to King K, a sunglasses-wearing koopa. Fawful had actually won his first fight. He wasn't a bad fighter on his own, but he was only exceptional when he had his technology to aid him, which he didn't.
King K pushed away the ecstatic Fawful and said, "Yeah, most people win when they fight against Goombas, dawg."
Suddenly, they heard the guard outside the door yell, "Hey! You're not allowed in the minor-league locker room!"
There was the sound of a scuffle, and then a clattering sound. Rawk Hawk burst into the room and looked around. 'Which one of you chumps is the 'Amazing Bean?'"
"That is being me!" declared Fawful proudly. "I am winning the-"
Rawk Hawk strode over to Fawful and picked him up with one hand, bringing him to eye level. "You're a little short to be challenging me to a fight, aren't you? But if you think you can take this outside like you wanted to."
King K watched with some amusement as the stunned Fawful was carried out of the locker room by the enraged Rawk Hawk.
When he and Rawk Hawk got outside, Fawful finally found his voice. "I am not wanting to be fighting you! I am having the wantingness of doing the opposite of fighting you!"
"That's not what I heard," Rawk Hawk responded gruffly.
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Ms. Jolene had been under a lot of stress lately, and she decided to go outside for awhile for a breath of fresh air. She looked out at Glitzville and was surprised to see a circle of people crowding around something. The toad walked over, intrigued. She pushed her way through the crowd of people to see what they were watching. Jolene stared in horror at the scene before her. Fawful was running around screaming as Rawk Hawk pursued him viciously, trying his best to land a blow. He had just caught Fawful and was preparing to throw him across the "ring" when Ms. Jolene called out, "Stop right there!"
All heads turned to face the toad, and Rawk Hawk dropped Fawful.
Jolene walked quickly over to the pair. "What is the meaning of this? Who started this fight? ...Rawk Hawk?"
Despite the questioning, the ever-amazing Rawk Hawk managed to keep his composure. "It wasn't me. I can guarantee you that." He pointed accusingly at Fawful. "This guy said that he wanted to start a fight with me outside of the ring, so I took him up on the offer."
"Mr. Bean!" Jolene addressed Fawful, beginning to lose her temper. "The contract you signed specifically stated that you were under no condition allowed to start a fight with another member of the Glitz Pit outside of the registered battles. I'm sorry, but I'll have to let you go."
"I am not starting the fightingness!" Fawful protested, but Ms. Jolene had already walked away. The crowd was now starting to disperse, as well. "At least I am having 10 coins, now," Fawful said to himself.
Five minutes later, Doopliss and Fawful were sitting next to each other in the juice bar in Glitzville.
"Now what are we going to be doing?" Fawful asked the duplighost.
Doopliss sighed. He was in a semi-good mood, but only because he had gotten Fawful kicked out of the Glitz Pit. "We'll have to find us - I mean you - another job, won't we?"
Fawful stood up on his stool triumphantly. "I am finding another job, for I must be paying back the coins in order to be-"
Doopliss cut him off. He had figured out that cutting Fawful off was necessary when he began to go off on his rants. "I know someone who could probably help us, but it certainly won't be pretty..."
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A/N: Whew. Done chapter four! That means I have to start writing chapter 5. Reviews are appreciated. Thank you!