Chapter 6: Fresh Pasta
"Here!" Beldam spat, shoving a piece of paper towards Fawful, "I don't trust this with 'ol Freak-in-a-Sheet, so you can take it instead. It's a list of things that I need you and that idiotic duplighost to go get for me."
Fawful took the paper somewhat reluctantly.
Doopliss, who had been standing there the whole time being outraged by Beldam's treatment of him, immediately snatched the paper away from Fawful and examined it himself. "So, Beldy, whatcha' makin' us get, huh? Fresh Pasta and a coconut among other things? Where the heck are we gonna get that? They don't sell stuff like that in Twilight Town, or even Rogueport!" He began to trail off at that point, "Then again-"
Beldam ripped the paper away from Doopliss and forced Fawful to take it again. "I gave it to HIM, not you, Doopliss! If it weren't for Vivian accidentally burning the one coconut we had, you wouldn't have to go get another one!"
"Then why don't you make Vivian get it!" Doopliss demanded. Of course, Vivian had not burned the coconut. Truly, it had been Fawful. However, like always, Vivian had taken the blame for something that she hadn't done.
"I don't pay you to do nothing," Beldam said bluntly, "I pay you to make my life easier." She then added as an afterthought, "and occasionally the lives of those sisters of mine."
"You hardly pay us at all," mumbled Doopliss under his breath.
"WHAT!"
"You pay us a fair price, oh dearest Beldam," Doopliss said politely, "You will never realize how much this means to-" Doopliss thought for a second and then gestured to Fawful, "him."
"Where are having the getting of the 'Fresh Pasta?'" Fawful asked, staring at the list of things that Beldam wanted them to get.
"Poshley Heights," Beldam informed him. Her voice sounded rather dismissive. "I'm not paying the ridiculous amount for you two to take the train, either. So you'll just have to make do with taking one of the pipes underneath Rogueport. Pipe travel really is quite efficient, isn't it?"
"Poshley Heights?" Doopliss breathed reverently, "Ooh! Fancy! I'm surprised that you're sending us to such a nice place! You know, I could always incapacitate one of the passengers of the train and then pretend to be them - like last time."
Beldam pointed to Fawful. "Than what would you do with him?"
"I'd put him in a suitcase. Very convenient," responded Doopliss.
"I am not having the wanting to be in the suitcase!" Fawful told Doopliss rather urgently.
"He was joking," Beldam said curtly.
"No I wasn't," protested Doopliss. He then whined, "I wanna ride the train! Please! It's so fancy on the train. I remember the last time I rode the train. I wasn't famous then, although I was masquerading as someone famous. This time, all my fans would-"
"Shut up," Beldam said, cutting off the self-loving duplighost. "You two are taking the pipe. Deal with it. Now go. This instant. There's not a moment to waste, as I desperately need the items listed there." She gestured to the door.
"But where do we get the rest of the items?" Doopliss demanded as he and Fawful were guided to the door.
"Don't know, don't care," was Beldam's rather impatient reply. "By the way," she said to Doopliss, "you should realize that you're not that famous." When Fawful and Doopliss were safely outside, the Shadow Siren closed the door and locked it. Those two idiots were finally gone. At least, they were gone for awhile.
Outside, Doopliss was ranting to Fawful as they made their way to the pipe that would take them to the sewers underneath Rogueport. "Not famous! What is she talking about? I am the great Doopliss! Every household in the Mushroom Kingdom and beyond has heard my name! Although," he said to himself, "that may not be such a good thing, in my case..."
Fawful thought about what the duplighost had said for a few moments. "I am not ever having heard of what you are being called," he informed Doopliss.
Doopliss ignored him, and entered the pipe that was one of the few ways out of Twilight Town. Mysteriously, he had already had his name written somewhere on his person.
Fawful followed close behind, liking pipes less with every second.
Finding the pipe to Poshley Heights was fairly easy, although at one point Fawful and Doopliss took the wrong one and found themselves on some sort of strange tropical island. Eventually, however, they found their way.
Once they got to Poshley Heights, a rather aristocratic place full of tastefully decorated buildings and a large museum, the two immediately began searching for a place that sold Fresh Pasta.
"Is that being the stand of the pastaness?" Fawful demanded, gesturing to a small stand. There was a bored-looking female toad standing at the window.
"You may be onto something, slick!" Doopliss replied. He approached the stand, obviously trying to get the toad to recognize him as the 'famous' Doopliss.
The toad, sadly for Doopliss, didn't seem to notice a thing except her own boredom. "Hello," she said in a monotone voice, "would you like to try some Fresh Pasta?"
"We would be liking to obtain the 'Fresh Pasta!'" Fawful declared, preventing Doopliss from addressing the question.
Doopliss pushed Fawful away, looking irritated. "What this poor, demented soul is trying to say is...yes. Of course we would like some of your amazing pasta. I bet you don't get famous customers too often, but I'll tell you something: it's my pleasure to-"
"That'll be fifty coins."
"What!" Demanded Doopliss, put off by this rather hefty sum. "Are you kidding me! That pasta couldn't be worth more than fifteen coins, if that!" As luck would have it, both he and Fawful had forgotten to bring even one coin.
"That's the price," the monotone-voiced toad replied tiredly. "I can't change it. No money, no pasta."
Doopliss stamped his foot. "Now that's just ridiculous! What makes you think either of us can afford something that's so amazingly overpriced!"
"You said you were famous," droned the toad, "shouldn't that mean you have a lot of money?"
Doopliss looked irritated for a few seconds, and then said, "you were listening. Amazing..." People, in general, usually didn't listen to him.
Suddenly, in the middle of Doopliss' and Fawful's financial dealings with the disgruntled toad, someone burst out from behind the pasta stand.
"I GOTCHA' NOW! YOU CAN'T BACK AWAY FROM IT THIS TI-" The person who had rocketed out from behind the pasta booth suddenly stopped. Apparently, neither Doopliss nor Fawful was the one whom he had been looking for.
"Wha!" Doopliss recoiled, and ran into Fawful. This caused Fawful to scream, and the toad in the pasta booth to groan loudly.
Both Fawful and Doopliss examined the person who had just scared them half to death. He was actually quite strange looking, and appeared to be wearing some type of bizarre military uniform, or something of the sort.
"And just who are you to be scarin' us like that, slick?" Doopliss demanded, extremely irritated with this obviously disrespectful example of a moron.
Fawful backed him up. "Yes! What are you being called?"
"That's none a' your business, chumps!" responded the perpetrator haughtily, "I wasn't lookin' for you, anyway! In fact, you're presence here is somewhat of a distraction to me, so I'd I'll be kindly-scratch that-unkindly, asking you to leave. Whaddaya think of that?"
Fawful just stared, thinking about how he would never be able to pay Cackletta back at this rate.
Doopliss, however, got mad. "US LEAVE! Excuse me, but I believe you're the one who just jumped out of nowhere and scared the living daylights out of us-" he then indicated Fawful, "-by 'us,' I mean him, of course. Look. You scared him speechless. I think his mind combusted. It's sad, really-"
"My mindness is not having the combustness!" Fawful reassured Doopliss. "I am feeling of much greatness! Except I am still not being able to pay back Cackletta, which is being a problem of the large proportion!"
"That's nice," Doopliss said, not really paying attention at all. He was still facing the stranger. "Just who are you? Who were you looking for, slick?"
"What is this, an interrogation room?" demanded the assailant. "Why should I answer your questions? More specifically, what's in it for me?"
Doopliss really wasn't in the mood for this. It was too early in the morning. In fact, anytime of day would be too early for dealing with idiots like this. "Look, ya gotta answer my questions if we're gonna get anywhere. Obviously, none of us are leaving anytime soon. So either you tell me what you think you're doing here, or I'll make you tell me. Sound like a fair deal?"
"I am also making you do the tellingness!" Fawful joined in.
"Shut up," Doopliss mumbled. "You're cramping my style." At this, he addressed the stranger once again. "Come on. I don't have all day, you know. I have precious fans to entertain. I can't keep them waiting."
Fawful remembered something about Doopliss telling him that their employers were called the "Shadow Sirens," and blurt out, "The Sirens of Shadow are not doing the paying of us if you are interrupting our obtainingness of the 'Fresh Pasta!'"
Doopliss glared daggers at Fawful for telling the stranger about their employers when the stranger wouldn't tell them anything about himself.
However, the stranger's demeanor changed completely at this. "You're sayin' that you two work for the Shadow Sirens? Well, why didn't you say that before? You must be a couple of losers to keep information like that from me! The Shadow Sirens are the reason I'm here!" He then whispered under his breath knowingly, "that young missy Vivian's quite the pretty one. I wouldn't mind hookin' up with her, if ya know what I mean. The boss doesn't approve, though. He says the Shadow Sirens betrayed us. But you know what I say? The boss ain't here right now!"
"That's the spirit," Doopliss responded dully. "But I think we've heard enoughfrom you. Run along, now."
The stranger didn't move. "What? So soon? Actually, I was thinking of sticking around for awhile, if ya must know." He then glanced towards the pasta booth and said, "tell ya what. If you can arrange something' between me an' Vivian, I might just treat you to some of that there Fresh Pasta. How's that sound?"
Fawful didn't really understand what was going on, but Doopliss was already brightening up considerably. "Well, well, well! So long as we're making deals here, I wouldn't mind having a little palaver concerning our unfortunate, pasta-lacking predicament." The duplighost paused, and then said, "though, you still have to tell us yer name, slick."
The guy who had jumped out from behind the pasta stand crossed his arms. "You drive a hard bargain, chump. I guess I'll hafta answer you that, at least. The name's Crump, though some people call me 'Lord Crump.' That good enough for you, buddy?"
Doopliss stared, trying to see if he remembered the name. However, he didn't. "Hmm...yeah. What's that you were sayin' about yer 'boss,' again?"
"Oh yeah, him..." began Crump, trailing off, "I'm not exactly supposed to talk about Grodus very-blast! I accidentally said his name!"
Doopliss recognized the name Grodus immediately. "You work for that idiot! Wow. Yeah. That's real nice. Me an' the Shadow Sirens really fooled him! He thought we were on his side, but we were really working for the Shadow Queen the whole time! Isn't that something? Wow, and he's still alive!"
"Yes, though he's just a head, now," responded Crump knowingly, "but, you know, I always tell him that, even though his plans of world domination didn't quite come through, he's still 'ahead!' Get it! A head! Buh huh! Buh huh huh huh!"
"Yes, I get it," Doopliss responded, thinking that this guy was one of the most annoying people he'd ever met. Along with Fawful, of course.
"Are we going to be getting the 'Fresh Pasta?'" Fawful demanded impatiently. "The 'Fresh Pasta' is being of much importantness to the obtaining of the coins, which is having the importantness to the-"
"Yes! We are getting the stupid pasta!" Doopliss said, losing his patience. "As long as this guy here buys it for us, that is." He then said to Crump, "You've got yourself a deal. I'll hook ya up with Vivian if you get us some a' that pasta." The duplighost thought for a moment. "What were you doin' hangin' around here, anyway? Hate to tell you, but this ain't exactly the sort of place to be looking for the Shadow Sirens."
"They come here all the time!" protested Crump, "they always want Fresh Pasta, for some odd reason. More times than not, they leave without it, though. I wonder why?"
"Oh, yeah, it's a real mystery why they would leave when they could hang around with you," mumbled Doopliss under his breath.
"What?" demanded Crump.
"Nothing," Doopliss reassured him. "Now go buy that pasta. I don't have all day, ya know. I've got things to do. Things that are totally unrelated to you."
To the amazement of both Fawful and Doopliss, Crump actually had enough money to buy the pasta. Which he did. However, he pulled it back just as he was about to give it to Doopliss.
"Hey!" The duplighost shrieked, trying to take the food product away from the X-naut. "What gives, slick? I thought we made a deal, here! No offence, but you don't exactly seem to be keeping your end of the bargain!"
Crump didn't seem to have much trouble keeping the pasta away from Doopliss as he rationally explained his reasons for doing so. "Hey, buddy. I feel the same way. How do I know yer gonna keep your end of the bargain? I can't just go trustin' every random person I meet off the street, ya know."
Doopliss continued trying to get the pasta. "Don't worry! I'll hook you up with Vivian! I'm sure she loves annoying guys like you! It's just a matter of convinc-would you just give it here, already?"
Fawful then added his own input. "We are getting the ingredients on the list of errandness! If you are having the coming with us, you will be making sure we are keeping our wordness!"
"Shut up!" Doopliss shot, but it was too late. Crump had already taken to this suggestion
"Why, what a good idea your strange friend has!" Exclaimed the X-naut. "If what you say is true, and you're doing errands...for the Shadow Sirens, I presume...then all I'll have to do is come with you to make sure you don't cheat me out of our deal!" He thought for a moment, and then said, "although Grodus will probably wonder where I've gone. Though, he can't really do anything about it anyway. Yes. I'll come with you."
"FINE!" Doopliss screamed, and Crump handed him the pasta. "But if you act all 'annoying' and such, you and me are gonna have a problem of sorts, got it, Slick!
"Annoying?" Crump acted as though he were appalled by this suggestion. "Buh huh! Buh huh huh huh! Yeah, right! If anyone's gonna be annoying, it's you, chump!"
"Right," mumbled Doopliss darkly. He then beckoned Fawful. "C'mon, weird-talking guy. Let's see what's next on the list."
Fawful showed him the list that Beldam had given him, saying "I am being called 'Fawful!'"
Doopliss scanned the list. "Yes, yes. Things have been turning out rather 'awful' for us, haven't they? Ah yes. Next, we're getting a coconut." The duplighost shoved the list back to Fawful bad-temperedly. "And just where was ol' Beldy planning on us getting something like this! In case she doesn't know, there aren't any palm trees nearby Rogueport, let alone coconuts! What does she even need a coconut for in the first place!"
"Eh?" Crump asked, sounding bemused. "Coconuts, you say? Buh huh. That's easy. I know where to find them, no prob!"
"Then why don't you-oh, I don't know-TELL us where to find them?" Doopliss spat, his amazing temper wearing amazingly thin.
Crump's reply was simply, "just follow me."
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A/N: Chapter 6 is -finally- finished. I think this whole story will probably be 10 chapters long, but I'm not sure yet. R&Rs are always appreciated :D