The week following my run-in with Madoka was surprisingly uneventful.

Sure, I was visited by Coobie a couple times, but after it set the bar high by contacting me early, subsequent meetings were devoid of that bit of shock factor and became more annoying than anything. That was exacerbated by the fact that said run-ins basically followed the same formula as the first. He would try to pry about my true nature, I would stonewall him, it would press me on contracting, I would give some excuse to put it off, and the meeting would eventually end when I found a way to kill off whatever body he was using at that time. Through those efforts, I found that while Kyubey was kind of durable in certain areas, he was also surprisingly squishy in others. For example, it could take regular punches most everywhere on its body and have nothing to show for it, but it was also very susceptible to death by neck snap (or complete head removal to be more accurate, but that's neither here nor there).

Besides those meetings, I also spent some time checking out areas that I could deduce to be frequented by some of the main characters. A couple of my hunches were correct, as I spotted Sayaka entering and exiting the hospital on a few occasions, and I had the luck to catch Mami on patrol one time. All at a distance, of course - I didn't really want to deliberately mess with anything any more than I needed to. Homura, however, had eluded me entirely since my day of arrival, when I had seen her exit the hospital, but I was honestly more relieved about that than anything. The thought of encountering her without any warning or preparation beforehand sent chills up my spine.

But the undisputed champion of the locations I spent the most time at was the arcade. The absurd amount of cash that I had on-hand translated into a hell of a lot of quarters, if you catch my drift. Over the course of the week, I spent more than fifty hours at the place in total, wasting time the only way I knew how to do well. Sure, the games were all in Japanese, but the rules and controls were usually easy enough to figure out on my own, and in the event that they weren't, a quick google search cleared things up real quick.

Once I got a general feel for what was what in the place, I mostly found myself sticking to what I knew, but I also occasionally stepped out of my comfort zone on days when I was feeling particularly adventurous. What I found surprising, though, was the fact that all the franchises from my home world were alive and well here. Mortal Kombat, Tekken, Soul Calibur, and Street Fighter were all intact, and that was just the fighting games. I had a few goes at a Time Crisis setup they had, I found one of those game collection cabinets full of retro classics (hel-loo, Metal Slug), and I kid you not, there was an Initial D machine somewhere that I can't remember at the moment.

There was one game they had that sucked up more of my time than all the others, but you'll be hearing more about it at a later date. For now, all you need to know was that I had experience with it, and an affinity towards its genre, which I will explain when said game pops up again.

Oh, and for the record, I did manage to get myself on the leaderboards of the famed DDR knock-off they had. Rhythm games were never my forte (ha), but I did have a bit of experience with this specific type, since my mother used to be a fan of it, if you can believe that. (Although she always seemed like more of a Just Dance person, which made sense since she did work as an actual dance teacher.) Unsurprisingly, the top score for every single song on the thing was still an easily-recognizable portmanteau of Kyoko's name. To that, I fondly sighed and mused that some things never changed.

Anyway, bottom line, nothing else worth mentioning happened during the week of May 18th to May 25th. At least, for me. The 25th was a big day for quite a lot of people. I tossed around the idea of shadowing the resident cotton-candy duo after school let out, and I did end up spending the afternoon at the mall spying on them from a great distance, but eventually decided against doing more than that, as I didn't want to risk getting caught up in Gertrud's labyrinth. Or deal with Kyubey. Or Homura.

(Or get involved at all, but I didn't really have much of a choice in that respect, did I? I had the freedom to pick and choose when, but it didn't change the fact that stepping in was required, or else nothing would change.)

In any case though, I woke up on the morning of the 26th with a slight feeling of resignment.

Here we go… our beloved MC's finally come into contact with the weird side of the world. And so it begins.

To tell the truth, at the time I felt it was shaping up to be a perfectly average day. Fairly sunny, with a few visible clouds populating the sky, not too terribly hot, and a barely noticeable degree of humidity. Exactly like the past two days or so had been.

That's the sky of a filler episode. Hm… well, maybe another trip to the mall to actually experience what it's like to window shop would be nice. If that doesn't work, there's always the arcade. Not much else I can actually do anyhow - I've already visited and marked down all the hot spots for character activity. All that's left is to wait.

I then became aware of the emptiness in my stomach, and left for the cafeteria.

Yep… just another ordinary day in the life of a world-hopping, gender-swapping teenager.

In retrospect, I really should have recognized that the line wearing the mask of that thought was in the Top 5 range on the list of 'Things People in Any Form of Media Should Never, Ever Say.'

I left the building soon after I'd finished the rest of my regular morning rounds. As much as I would love to stay inside, there wasn't really that much to actually do besides dink around on my phone. Sure, it had a bunch of stuff on it, but most of said stuff was things that I could only tolerate in relatively short bursts. The emulated games I had installed on it were also nice time-wasters, but I could only die so many times before I got frustrated with the lack of user-friendly controls that came with the territory of trying to play a console game with only a touch screen.

Fuckin' shoulder buttons… this is why I'm part of the glorious PC Master Race.

In any case, I never took the same route twice, as I was always a bit of a fan of exploring whenever it was convenient (thanks, Metroid). Today's trail had me passing through an apartment complex, then a shopping center and a residential area, before reaching my first destination.

Window shopping was… not quite a new experience, but not really a familiar one, either. One could argue that I had done it many times before, but one could also say that none of those instances were when I was on my own. What did still feel new, even after a week, was the sense of power I had stemming from all the money I currently possessed. Of course, I also knew that I was now more susceptible to products that appealed to those who loved impulse buying, so I tried my best to keep a lid on it. Alas, my willpower was not unshakable, and I did make one or two unnecessary purchases. But I had to wonder if a can of root beer and a small wrapped-up burger for later that fit in my hoodie pocket really classified as 'impulse buys,' since it was food, and I needed food to survive. A debate for another time, I supposed… and another forum.

Nothing in all the different shops really 'caught my eye' despite being full of mid-21st century tech. Or at least what should have been mid-21st century tech. For all the stuff in this world that was so advanced compared to my home - practically every facet of the school, for one - there seemed to be an equal amount of products that hadn't changed a bit. Like headphones, although in that case, there's really not much more you can do with them after you achieve reliable wireless capability.

Things started to go downhill pretty fast when I was done.

About an hour and a half after I arrived at the place, I once again came into contact with my single most consistent source of migraines.

"Good to see you, Audrey Erryn."

Do the world a favor and go fuck yourself, Sephiroth. No, wait, I retract that statement. You've got nothing in common with him.

As much as I wanted to say that to his face, it wasn't what actually came out of my mouth. "So nice to see you too, Coobster. Let me guess - your next line is 'have you decided whether or not you want to contract?'"

No outward reaction from it, as expected. "No, but that would be nice to know. I was actually wondering why you keep referring to me with those strange nicknames."

I snorted. "Because it's fun? Why should I tell you my reasons behind my every action? You're starting to sound like even more of a stalker than you already are, and I didn't even think that was possible."

"I fail to see how my methods relate to this topic."

My eyelids fell to the 'unamused' position. "Dude, if I were to describe how you operated to literally anyone else, they'd think you were a fuckin' pedophile. I'm just sayin', you might be able to fill your quota better if you stopped being such a creeper."

The drone made a motion that gave the impression of a sigh. "I did try that. Many times, on several occasions. The poor results spoke for themselves, so I stopped trying."

In hindsight, I really should have seen that answer coming.

"You know, you humans are impossible to figure out. I just can't understand how some of you think that attempting to make a wish with a success rate of less than 80% is viable in any way."

I could only stare at that statement. "It honestly boggles the mind to know that you've been doing this for however many years already, and you still can't wrap your squishy little head around the idea that emotions make us do stupid shit on principle. And no, don't give me that 'you would understand if you were devoid of emotions too' crap. The conclusion should be obvious just from the sheer amount of evidence alone."

It shook its head. "I suppose we'll have to agree to disagree, then. But I can already see that this visit won't do you or me any good. I might as well leave before you destroy another one of my bodies."

I laughed before grabbing him by the tail and yanking him off his perch. "Yeah-ha-ha, I don't think so. This is one trend I'd hate to break. Not to mention it proves my point."

It stopped struggling after that, resigning the drone to its fate. "This is entirely wasteful and completely unnecessary."

He got an evil smirk in return. "That's what makes it so fun, bro."

Ten minutes and another dead mascot later (bringing the recently-brainwaved Kyubey Owned Count up to 6), after I left the large structure behind, I decided to take a little detour. Canon dictated that Gertrud had been scared off by Mami yesterday, so it made sense that she would be coming out to finish it off sooner rather than later. With that in mind, I thought it might be prudent to have myself a little stakeout session of the witch's future - or perhaps current - lair, and set off for a specific dilapidated building in one of the few abandoned districts the city had.

Now, I know you might be asking why my stance on getting close to Gertrud did a 180 within the span of a day, so I'll try to give a quick explanation. It basically boils down to this: there's a difference between getting sucked into a labyrinth alone, against your will with no backup, and entering one of your own volition to shadow a group that is guaranteed to beat the witch at the center. One kills you if you make a single misstep, while the other grants you a front-row, or I suppose back-row seat to an eye-catching spectacle of combat as long as you're careful enough to not draw too much attention to yourself.

Unfortunately for me, Murphy and that damned law of his had their own plans for how the rest of my day would go.

Needless to say, that involved liberal usage of scenario 1. I was just about to enter the abandoned section of Mitakihara when it happened.

Let me tell you - actually witnessing the results of a dramatic in-universe art shift was one of the weirdest experiences of my life. For the first few seconds after I caught sight of the mustachioed cotton ball on top of a stalk with butterfly wings for roots, I thought that I was either finally losing it or someone had slipped some slow-acting LSD into my breakfast.

Huh… y'know, with how choppy its movements look, I'd swear it was moving at 12 frames per sec-

One of my brain's workers whacked the gears with a Buster Sword-sized monkey wrench in that moment, jump-starting my thought process and causing me to realize the implications of the thing's appearance.

Fittingly enough, right when I did, the illusion depicting the real world around me shattered, revealing the twisted garden-esque landscape of Gertrud's maze.

...ooooohhhh, shit.

I quickly turned around to beat a hasty retreat, only to discover that a dead end had replaced my entry point.

FUCK!

About-facing again, I started to run forward, concluding that I would have to find a different way out. More familiars began to appear, causing my adrenaline to start pumping.

Damn it, DAMN IT! I can't believe I let her pull me in! I need to get the hell outta here before those things kill me, or worse!

A right turn, then a left, then right again, and another right, and yet another dead end. Backpedal, continue right, dodge familiars, left turn, right again, run, run, RUN!

No use. Wall after wall after wall was what every path ended in. Soon, my body started to warn me that it was reaching its limits. My lungs began to burn after the eighth dead end. My legs followed suit after number eleven. Even my arms were getting heavy by number fifteen, pumping as they were.

Come on, come on! There's gotta be another way out…

That thought alone kept me moving past my expected capabilities. Looking back, I should have known better than to draw strength from such an optimistic notion.

With a horde of familiars now on my tail, I dashed around another corner, nearly tripping in the process from how spent I was. My body felt damp from all the sweat it was frantically pumping out to keep me going, and my out-of-practice muscles were screaming for relief. When I looked forward again, I bore witness to the one thing I wanted to see the least.

Another wall of cottonheads, charging directly towards me in a pincer maneuver.

However, I noticed one last resort - a pathway leading off to the right. With my strength, ideas, and options running on empty, I had no choice but to take the gamble, and made another sharp turn.

It didn't pay out.

By the time I noticed the wall in front of me, I was almost touching it.

"Oh, no…"

Breathing heavily, panic setting in even further, I searched the wall with my sight and my hands, fruitlessly trying to find a weakness, a hidden door, a crack, anything I could use to get out.

Shit, shit, shit, damn it, FUCK!

I came up with nothing, slamming my fist on the otherworldly structure in defeat.

My head whipped back around when I heard the familiars coming closer, and I saw them crowd around the entrance to the pathway, bouncing and flitting around as they were wont to do.

Ah, crap!

Instinctively, I flattened myself against the wall in a futile attempt to move further away from Gertrud's lackeys. Fear eagerly chowed down on my mind, and I could hear my heart jackhammering away in my chest as though it was sitting right next to my eardrums. Unwilling to see what was going on anymore, my eyes squeezed themselves shut, and my brain went into overdrive.

It didn't take long to reach the only solution I had for this problem.

Rrrgh… I didn't want to do this so soon, but… what choice do I have?

Finding no answer to my rhetorical question, I growled before yelling out the name I constantly hoped I would never need to say again.

"Kyubey!"

About three seconds later…

"You called?"

There the bastard was, right in front of the encroaching rabble.

Swallowing my pride, I told him what he wanted to hear. "You win. I'll give you your fuckin' contract."

I could have sworn that the little cat-smile perpetually plastered on its face widened slightly, heedless of the army of enemies behind it. "Excellent. What is your wish, Audrey Erryn?"

Despite the extremely dire circumstances, the unimaginably loaded question still made me hesitate. Was this really my only option? Was contracting an inevitability, like I had predicted? Was this the right choice?

Would this really change anything?

Then the remnants of my willpower flared up again. My eyes narrowed, my hands clenched into fists, and I cemented my decision.

"I wish to be able to change the future for the better."

Remember when I said that seeing a familiar for the first time was one of the weirdest things I'd ever experienced? Well, that kinda pales in comparison to having a cutesy wolf-in-sheep's-clothing mascot literally turn my soul into a perfectly cut jewel and physically rip it out of my body.

Oh, and did I mention that it was painful? Because it was. Very much so.

SPIRIT PAIN! SPIRIT FUCKIN' PAIN, GOD DAMN IT! I'M GONNA TEAR THAT LITTLE SHIT TO PIECES WHEN THIS IS OVER, GRAAAAH!

Not fun. Not fun at all.

Were it not for the wall behind me, I probably would have fallen on my back. Thankfully, the structure supported me and let me keep my feet when the process was finished.

The proof of signature slowly floated down for me to take. Curiously enough, the gem's color was a strange-looking off-white, which actually gave me comfort because I would've suspected foul play if it was a pure white, what with symbolism and everything.

"Your wish has been granted," Kyubey stated. "The contract is now complete."

"And about damn time, too." In that moment, it almost felt like I was relinquishing control to some outside source, enabling it to draw from the sudden influx of energy that I could feel emanating from my newly-acquired Soul Gem. "Let's do this."

That first transformation… honestly felt like a milestone of sorts. A blinding flash emanated from my body, brightly illuminating my surroundings. The fatigue that had been building up for the entire chase all but dissipated, leaving me feeling completely fresh and ready for action. I also felt something appear in my hand, my fingers closing around it in something approaching a death grip.

I opened my eyes, directing them to look at the new object in my possession, and discovered my new weapon.

What the - is that the Falchion? Or the Monado? No, it's... neither of them, and yet… both?

It was conventional, and yet not. The most eye-catching aspect of the sword's design was the large hole in the middle of what I guessed was the crossguard, wide enough to fit my closed hand through. The blade itself extended out from the large circle around the hole, going for about three feet before tapering off to a point. The center of the actual blade was thinner than the edges, which themselves appeared to enclose the entirety of the blade, a feature shared with the crossguard. When I checked the grip, I discovered that the large circle was actually what I recalled as the rainguard, and the real crossguard flared upward, clipping over the circle before stopping at the halfway point of it. The pommel sported another hole, though not even my finger could fit through it.

The weapon's base color was undeniably red, coating the majority of it. This was accentuated by what could be mistaken for veins of silver, running from every aspect of the sword except for the edges. The design was finished off with bits of gold trim here and there - along the edges of the blade and the crossguard.

Huh… neat. Of course, it'd be even better if it was packing a laser bla-WHOA!

The instant the thought crossed my mind, the sword reacted. The crossguard rotated down, taking a more conventional appearance, and the edges split from the center, still attached via small bars. A kanji character appeared in the hole, and an ethereal white blade edged with gold extended outward, with two outward-pointing spikes emerging near the grip acting as a secondary crossguard.

...alright, add the Aegis Sword to the list of weapons this thing rips off. Still awesome, though. Now, then…

I turned my attention to the horde of familiars, who were beginning to advance again, and gripped my new sword in my hands.

"Alright, which of you weeds wanna be yanked out first?"

Before anything else could happen though, a platinum light appeared in front of my eyes, receding to the edges of my vision to reveal the ability my wish had granted me as time slowed to a crawl.

I saw myself get blindsided by an enemy appearing from a nearby corridor in my haste, knocking me down and leaving my Soul Gem open to be shattered by another foe.

Then my regular vision returned, and I swiped at the corridor as I passed, bisecting my would-be ambusher before it had a chance to do much of anything. I continued running, checking every side path I came across, continually trying to find another exit. So far, no luck, just like all my previous attempts.

This is becoming ridiculous! I've checked over thirty of 'em by now! Where the hell is it?!

At the rate I was going, I was starting to wonder if I would eventually find the center of the labyrinth by simply exhausting every other option. A silly notion, yes, but it was becoming more and more believable with every dead end I encountered.

That's the last thing I need right now. Preemptively killing Gertrud doesn't really change much in the grand scheme of things, so I'd rather leave her alone. Now if only she would return the damn favor…!

I slashed behind myself again, sending yet another crescent wave of energy into the veritable tidal wave of familiars chasing me. Whatever impact it had went unseen, as I was keeping my eyes focused on the path ahead.

This went on for a little while longer until I came to a certain entryway that I felt I had seen somewhere before. When I looked closer, I suddenly found out why.

...you've gotta be kidding me. Did I seriously just fucking jinx myself? DAMN IT, UNIVERSE, THIS ISN'T FUNNY! FIND SOME OTHER COSMIC PUNCHING BAG TO GET YOUR KICKS FROM!

Anyone else watching my situation from behind a screen would probably be laughing their heads off upon realizing that yes, I had in fact exhausted enough options to walk straight up to the front door leading to the center of the labyrinth. I had no such compulsions. Rather, I probably would have started cursing a blue streak if the oncoming horde hadn't forced me to start running again.

Finally, after reaching dead end number fifty, I snapped.

Okay, you know what? That's it. Fuck conventionality, I'll make my own exit. Assuming this works...

I held up my weapon, curious to see if the idea I had in mind wasn't just wishful thinking. Lo and behold, responding once again to my thoughts, the laser blade extended several times over, becoming much longer than what any normal person would consider practical.

But in this case, practicality was irrelevant.

Satisfied with the length, I gripped the weapon with both hands and swung it down on the wall. It obviously wouldn't go down without a fight, resisting my enhanced strength every step of the way, but soon enough, its resolve gave out and allowed my sword to create a massive, gaping tear in the obstruction. Through the large hole, the real world shone in all its glory.

As a final 'fuck you,' I turned around and used my elongated BFS to utterly decimate the familiars behind me, slicing through packs of persistent cotton weeds with every swing, before booking it to my alternate escape route. Sprinting through the opening in short order, I briefly looked back and caught the tear shrinking quickly, before the fabric of reality stitched itself up and removed the supernatural gap.

Finally recognizing that the danger had passed, I desummoned my sword and let my body return itself to its previous state of dress. I wandered over to the nearest sidewalk before hunching over and placing my hands on my knees to catch my breath.

Man, what a rush… I'm gonna need to prepare myself before I ever think about doing that again. Oop- and goodbye goes the adrenaline. Oohhhg…

The tiredness that started hitting me like a truck was only accentuated by what happened next.

"Impressive. A shame you didn't go for the witch, but I can overlook that in favor of your overall performance."

FUCK. OFF.

"Fornication has nothing to do with this."

I said that out loud, didn't I…

Kyubey strolled on up, completely unbothered by my less-than-presentable state. "In any case, I'm not just here to evaluate your performance. Here." The hatch on its back opened up, and its ear-tentacles grabbed a pair of small objects to showcase.

I blinked. "I thought that spot was for processing Grief Seeds?"

"Not important," he brushed off. "Take a look at these."

I did so, peering down at what the appendages were holding. They were relatively small, and looked highly technical, which was to be expected of a Kyubey-brand product.

"They kinda look like earpieces…" I mused, before I recalled a request I had made about a week ago. "Wait, is this the translator I commissioned you for?"

"Yes," it replied. "I visited you at the mall to deliver them, but you side-tracked my thought process - which I'm still vexed over how you achieved, by the way - and then destroyed the body I was using before I could do so. And by the time this drone caught up to you, you weren't exactly in a position to receive a gift of this nature."

I thought back to the earlier mall visit when he mentioned it, and ran through my already-spotty memories of our time together there.

...wait, was that what it was trying to tell me right before I stuck it on those fence spikes? Oh wow, nice going, dumbass! Excellent job killing the NPC that was gonna give you your fuckin' quest reward! God, I'm such an impulsive idiot...

I sighed before making a mental note to ask Kyubey if he had anything immediately important to tell me before I brutally murdered him in any future encounters.

Anyway, I took the two little things, inspecting them from various angles. "Huh… that's really neat." I paused for a second. "Uh, how do I put 'em on?"

The golden-ringed tentacles stretched up again. "Allow me." Moments later, the devices were snugly fitted in my ears, feeling surprisingly comfortable for a product of their type. "There. I've already programmed in all the languages you'll likely ever need, so I doubt you'll require a replacement for at least a long while."

I lightly tapped the one in my right ear in wonder. "...well, thanks. I guess I owe you now."

He shook his head. "You don't owe me anything. Your contract took care of that."

"No, I insist." I felt myself transform again and my weapon summon itself to my hand.

The flash clued Kyubey in on what was about to happen. "Ah. You mean that kind of payback."

"Yep. Gotta continue the pattern." I moved the sword under his belly, then flicked it upwards, launching him helplessly into the air. Upon lining it up perfectly, the sword split and the energy blade shot out, piercing through the incubator, the width of the thing nearly cleaving its body in half. I held it there for a few seconds, staring into its optics as they faded to a dull crimson before closing the weapon, dropping the cauterized (huh, so it's heat-based) carcass on the street like an unfortunate piece of roadkill.

"Displeasure doing business with you, ya fuckin' parasite."

Ding! Kyubey Owned Count: 7.

And with that, my body changed back to normal, and I turned my back on the fried corpse, beginning my journey back home.

A/N: Told y'all there would be a big step forward plot-wise. And just in case you're dying to know, yes, the Kyubey Owned Count will be a constant. Also, yes, Kyubey will die at some point every time it comes into contact with Audrey. (Well, unless the plot demands otherwise, but you don't need to worry about that.)

I'd say this is the moment you've all been waiting for, but in hindsight, that doesn't make sense if it happens after only four chapters. Uncertain as Audrey may be, a Madoka she is not. I'd say she's actually more of a Sayaka than anything, seeing as it also took her less than six episodes to contract. Speaking of which, for those of you well-versed in pop culture (or have simply played the last two Smash Bros. entries), I bet you know now why I decided to translate the 'Actum' in the title to 'Chronicles.' Rest assured, this will be poked fun at even more once Audrey gets a good look at herself.

The translator's also a thing now. It'll never be this important again (probably, we'll see), but it's there. Doing… translator things. 'N stuff.

Aaaanyway… up next, a major player makes her reappearance, much to the stress of Audrey. Who said player is, well, you'll just have to wait to find out.