The only thing Medea could hear was her own heartbeat.
Loud.
Frantic.
The wind blew in her hair, all around her face, and cars honked at her as she diverted from them on the harbor's narrow and perpetually busy streets. A part of her wanted to shout at them, but she knew it would be of no use. It was not like they were disrupting her anyway.
Her mind was too focused to be easily swayed.
As her legs guided to the path she had made just a few hours ago, Medea could barely breathe. She had no control over her body or her actions, although she was aware of them all. Walking. She was walking.
No. She was racing.
Running.
Sprinting.
There were no physical limitations for her at that moment. Her body would be so sore afterward, but she did not care, not in the slightest. Stamina was not an issue. Endurance was not, either. Much less adrenaline.
Her problem had a name she was acquainted with.
When she reached the top of the hill, Medea bent her body forward, hands on her knees as she tried to regain her breath and control the overwhelming spasms all over her thighs. Sweat dripped down her neck and forehead, and her cheeks were flushed, both from exertion and rage. Her eyes focused on the white and yellow envelopes.
Medea saw red.
How could she not have suspected it?
But she had. Something inside her had given her hints that something was not right, and yet she had brushed it off as another weird thought of her paranoiac mind because she was stupid. Idiot. Nothing more than a dumb bitch. That was what she was.
A silly little girl with silly little goals.
Her legs were shaky as she made her way to Gon's house.
The wooden door opened with a bang and Medea walked in with nimble, heavy steps after it bumped into the beige wall, but she did not care about closing it again. Instead, she sat in one of the armchairs, comfortably staring at the window.
Calm. Remain calm. Don't lose control, she told herself, although every inch of her being was aching to scream and shout and punch something. Someone.
It did not take long for a slender figure to appear, hurriedly descending the stairs and looking around the living room to find out the source of the noise.
Medea cracked her knuckles, still staring at the grayish-blue sky on the outside.
He sighed and approached her. "Dhea? Are you okay?"
"I am." She whispered, but, inwardly, she was seething.
"Why are you sweaty and flushed?" His fingers reached for the locks of hair that fell from her ponytail onto her face, putting them behind her ear caringly.
She took a deep breath, finally locking eyes with him. "Where is everyone else?"
"Uh, well, Mito, Alluka, Gon, and Killua are still shopping," Kurapika told her, "Leorio is watching a new soap opera, and Kite is taking a nap." He stared at her and arched an eyebrow. "Whose coat is that?"
"Mine."
"No, it isn't." He frowned. "It's too big to be yours and you weren't wearing it when you left… Did something happen while you were in the city?"
Medea gave him a dry chuckle. "You're right. This coat doesn't actually belong to me."
"Ah, I see. Is it a gift to someone?" He asked, eyeing the fabric quickly. "Because I don't think you should be wearing it, the person might not like to have your perfume in their clothes."
"No, it… It belongs to an acquaintance of mine."
"Oh. Are they a friend of yours?" Kurapika asked, trying to comprehend what she wanted to tell him.
"Yes. Yes, he is."
"A male?"
"Yes."
"A male friend?" Repeated the man, uneasy with the new information Medea was feeding him. She nodded. "Why are you wearing his coat?"
Tilting her head back on the armchair's backrest, Medea stretched her arms, yawning a bit. "I met up with him today." Delicate fingers ran through the collar of Illumi's peacoat in a restrained way, the texture deliciously soft under them. "He's quite odd, you see, but he is polite. He can be really generous too, that is why he lent me his coat. Do I look pretty in it? He said green suits me."
"He did?"
"He's the kindest, right?"
There was a momentary silence as she stared at the ceiling.
Illumi. Kind. Right. A completely normal combination of words for her to use in a sentence, even if his name was omitted. Although it was absolutely hilarious and she would have burst into laughter if it was any other moment, she simply could not bring herself to do it. There was no strength in her body for that.
No, she was regaining her energy for something else.
"Is he…" He cleared his throat. "Like… Me?"
She looked at him. "No."
"Oh."
"He is not blonde."
As his brows furrowed, his expression changed slightly. "No, I mean… Never mind. What did you guys do?"
Medea blinked. "Oh, just the usual."
His hands were fidgety, but he just took a deep breath and gave her a funny, awkward smile. "Usual? What is the usual?"
"He took me to a bakery and bought me lemon pie. It was divine." Proceeded Medea, toying with the cold, dark metallic buttons. "We went to a park after that."
"Do you, um, meet with him often?"
She shook her head. "No, we generally text. He lives in a distant place."
"I see…"
"He's quite generous, as I've already told you. And so useful, too…" A hand rose to her lips and she almost failed to contain the giggle that wanted to leave her mouth, but she disguised it as a cough.
"How come?"
There was no reply.
Like a queen on a throne, Medea sat upright on the armchair. Her entire posture changed as she motioned for him to get near her with a finger, her core trembling with anxiety whereas her face remained blank. When he did, kneeling right in front of her on the carpet, Medea's fist clenched, but, calmly, she allowed her fingers to run through the golden hair. Her purple eyes stared at him attentively as he leaned into her hand. "Do you like me, Kurapika?"
"Huh?"
"Do you like me?"
"Of course, I do! What kind of question is that?" His voice was amused, although there was a tinge of confusion behind his smile.
"Do you want to fuck me, Kurapika?"
"You know how much I want to make love to you."
"I said, do you want to fuck me?"
He gulped, then bit his lip. "Yes."
"If I took you to my room this instant and spread my legs for you, would you take me?"
"I…" He started hesitantly.
"Would you, pretty boy?" Purred Medea, fingertips dangerously close to the spot on his neck where he liked to be kissed. "Would you like to see me coming around your cock— No, even better, would you like to feel me coming around you?"
A loud sigh escaped his lips, and he turned his face to the side, avoiding her gaze. "Yes."
"Hm. I see."
"Why—"
"Do you care for me, Kurapika?"
Kurapika's expression softened, but he still did not look at her. "More than you can imagine."
"So, you're saying you care for me."
"Yes."
"Alright."
"Why are you asking me so many things, Dhea?" The low chuckle soon turned into a deep sigh as her nails scratched his nape, eyes closing tight.
"Because I want to understand your thoughts, babe." Explained Medea, voice no more than a sultry caress.
"My thoughts?"
"They are important to me." She whispered, which made him smile, but he said nothing. "Will you answer me one last question, Kura?"
"Will I get a kiss if I do?"
Taking a deep breath, the woman nodded, still running her fingers through his hair. "Yes."
"Then, go ahead."
"Would you ever deceive me?"
Kurapika blinked. "What?"
"Would you ever deceive me, Kurapika?" She repeated, slowly enunciating each word.
"Of course not! I would never do such a thing!" He intertwined their fingers. "Where did you even get this stupid idea from?"
Medea sighed but allowed him to come closer.
His lips felt as soft as ever as he kissed her, tongue lazily brushing against hers, dancing with her own in the way they knew so very well. They had spent hours and hours refining that skill in Mimbo. Dark alleys. Empty hotel corridors. Inside the car. They had done it everywhere. Medea had taught him just how she wanted to be touched and, in return, had made an effort to teach him how he should want it as well, which, in her opinion, was even harder.
But, in the end, it was worth it. Kurapika was now completely and utterly familiar with her preferences and his own. He was an attentive lover.
And that was why she allowed him to, this once, lead the kiss.
The rhythm was intimate, instead of passionate. Calm. Delicate. It was a pace that belonged to him and him alone. Even as he conducted the kiss, his touch was still careful.
All she could feel was the taste of mint bubblegum on his tongue. No coffee. The soft wavy hair between her fingers, the moist lips, the hand holding the sides of her face, the very air that kept escaping her lungs. The musky perfume invaded her nostrils, making her chest ache painfully. Everything was part of him. And the sentiments being poured onto that moment were also his.
When Kurapika parted from Medea, he leaned against her forehead, eyes closed as he regained his breath. Relaxed. Content.
Medea's blood boiled.
She yanked his hair back and looked him dead in the eyes. "Liar."
"Dhea, what—" Hissed him, trying to grab her wrist. "You're hurting me, let go!"
"Oh, am I?" She asked, grasping the soft locks even harsher. He gasped in pain. "Am I hurting you?"
"Yes!"
"Aw. That's too bad, ain't it?" Pushing his head back, Medea released him from her vice-like grip.
Staggering back, he stared at her in bewilderment, hand massaging the spot she had sunk her fingernails into. "What the fuck, Medea?!"
She narrowed her eyes, chuckling. "Oh, my, Kura, are you upset?"
"How could I not be?" A flash of irritation passed through his face. "You literally hurt me all of a sudden! You… Why would you do that?"
"Why have you been spying on me for the past six months?" Retorted the woman, tilting her head to the side.
In the center of the living room, amidst all the furniture, Kurapika froze. Had she not known any better, she would have mistaken him for part of the decoration — a sculpture created to capture the purest form of horror. "What are you talking about?"
"I will ask you again," Continued Medea as she got up from her seat, "why have you been spying on me?"
"I have no idea—"
"Tell me!" She snarled. "Tell me why you have been monitoring everything related to me since the past fucking year!"
Kurapika's breath faltered, but then he frowned. "Dhea, I didn't even know you until four months ago, how the hell would I be monitoring you, especially for so long?"
"Stop lying! I know you did it!"
"I didn't! I swear!" He declared, taking a step back.
Grabbing the white folder she had thrown on the center table upon her arrival, Medea flipped through the pages, a sick smile on her lips. "Let's see…"
"What is that?"
"On Sunday, November fifteenth, you took a trip to a coastal city," She read out loud, "there, you spoke to a salesperson and a sailor. Both of them are old acquaintances of mine."
"Huh?"
"You asked if they had any idea of where I was. As soon as they said no, you left." Medea flipped the page, almost ripping the paper in the process. "Which leads us to Friday, November twentieth, when you went to a small bookstore I frequently visit and stayed there for approximately an hour before an old woman appeared. You talked to her about culinary books and, after a while, she told you there was a nice young lady who had taught her how to make key berry cupcakes, but that she did not visit that store in some months. After that, you left."
His voice trembled. "How…"
"Sunday, December third, you went to…" The air was like pure lead in her lungs. Her chest ached. She felt sick. Still, she closed her eyes, attempting to keep herself steady. "You went to Clayso."
"No, I—"
"You went to Proyca, actually, searching for the pleasure house of Lys." Resumed Medea. "You talked to an old courtesan called Myo, who knew me in my childhood." Her gaze rose from the slightly wrinkled pages and she stared at him. "You paid her to tell you about me. A really high price, to be fair. I would've never guessed I was worth that much money."
Kurapika's gray eyes were wide and he gulped. "It's not what you think it is."
"Oh, no? Funny of you to say that because there is literally no explanation other than you spying on me. In reality, this entire folder is about you. No, it's not about you…" She chuckled, placing her hands on her hips and staring at the gray storm clouds on the outside. "It's about me."
"Medea…"
"It's about all the places you've been in the past six months," The woman carried on, approaching him with cautious, restrained steps. "with extremely detailed descriptions of what you did, with whom you did it, and even what you and these people talked about. And don't even try to deny it," There was a sharp edge to her voice that made him gulp. Her inner voice purred, entertained by how he slowly connected the dots that he was, in fact, cornered. "because there are photos of you. There are photos!"
"Medea, it's nothing like that!" He rushed to say.
"It was a hunt on my life!"
"You got it all wrong!"
"You studied me for months on end like a lab rat!"
"Calm down, please!"
"Calm down? You have been using me and you have the nerve to tell me to calm down?!" Anger poured through her, and she threw both the envelope and the folder at his face. "I trusted you, Kurapika! You were my friend!" She told him, clenching her fists.
"Dhea, please…" His voice was filled with sorrow as he tried to appeal to her empathetic side.
"Do not call me that!" She yelled. "You don't have the right!"
"Hey, hey, what is going on?!"
Medea did not spare a glance at the man getting down the stairs. "Not now, Leorio."
"Are you guys alright?" Leorio sounded worried but she did not pay him any mind.
Her eyes stayed on the source of her rage.
The distance between them was minimal now, her face contorted with disappointment and her hands trembled. Despite trying to keep a minimum of control over herself, she was failing miserably.
Medea was furious.
"Meds, are you okay?" Kite asked, appearing in the living room with a sleepy, but puzzled look.
"I am the furthest thing from that." She growled, still facing Kurapika.
Kurapika stepped back yet again, creating a reasonable distance between the two of them. He sighed, tired. When he looked at her, with his gray eyes filled with pain and guilt, Medea almost felt bad. Almost.
"It was never my intention for you to be hurt," Stated Kurapika, "please, know this."
"Oh, cut the bullshit!" She snarled. "When were you going to tell me that I was nothing but an experiment?"
"You weren't! Never!"
"When were you going to tell me?!" Medea roared, suddenly feeling hot.
"When I was sure you would listen to me!"
She wanted to choke him.
He had deceived her. Lied to her. Used her. Just like everyone else.
Destroying him was the only thing that would ever make her feel avenged. That would be a nice payback.
Medea wanted to pierce his neck with her nails until blood flowed and soaked his pale skin; until she heard his bones breaking under the cruel and brutal grip of her fingers. She wanted him to be in pain, to suffer in such a way that just hearing her name would make him tremble in fear.
He needed to experience the feeling that consumed her.
"I can't believe I was dumb enough to trust you!" She ran her hands over her face, her fingers utterly shaking.
"You weren't dumb! I really—"
"You've been lying to me from the beginning, and I… Oh, Heavens, how foolish I was…" Her hands closed in fists beside her body, damaging the yellow envelope in the process. Her fingernails pierced the flesh of her palm with a momentary ardor and her chin trembled with the words she kept to herself. That physical pain was nothing compared to the emotional one. "But I won't be played like a fiddle anymore!" She snapped.
"Babe, please—"
Rage flowed through her like lava. Her face darkened, and her heart raced in her chest. Medea felt bloodlust ooze from her, heavy and suffocating and consuming, however, she made no attempt to control it. Why should she? It felt good. It felt absolutely delicious to see his eyes widen and his breath get caught in his throat. She liked it. This lack of control, of restrictions…
Does it not feel good to use Nen offensively? Does it not feel right? Asked the voice in her head. Why not use it frequently?
"If you call me that again," Medea warned him, voice suddenly flat and distant, "I will rip your head right here. On Mito's living room."
"Whoa! Guys, let's just… Calm down and, um," Leorio gulped, "Stop this."
"I don't want to."
"Medea," Reprimanded Kite, seeming somewhat affected by the demonstration of lack of control, "Contain your bloodlust."
She took a deep breath, but, slowly retracted her aura and stared at the teen.
"Please," Kite said, with all the tranquility in the world, "let him explain himself."
A half-smile appeared on her lips, but it did not reach her eyes. "What for? To deceive me was his plan all the time, wasn't it, Kurapika?"
Kurapika closed his eyes and shook his head, pressing his arms against the sides of his body to avoid making any movement. Medea hoped he wouldn't be able to control himself. She needed just one more reason to unleash herself from any morals and throw herself at him. "It wasn't meant to go this far, I swear." He promised.
"Of course it wasn't! You wanted to keep making a fool of me!" She grabbed a cushion from the couch and threw it at him. "Fucking liar! Don't dodge! You… I'll…"
"Medea." Kite called her, sternly.
She inhaled. Exhaled. Inhaled again. "Tell me right fucking now why you did it! I demand to know it! From the beginning!"
Kurapika slowly nodded. "I… I never told you about what happened to my clan."
Ask him about what happened to his clan, she heard Illumi whisper in her ear and took a deep breath.
"Do you remember when my eyes turned scarlet?"
Something inside herself twisted with the memory of the time those same eyes shone in scarlet because of her. Completely eager for her. Entirely at her mercy. It hurt to realize that she was being fooled then as well. It was nothing but a lie. Those beautiful scarlet eyes had been untruthful even in that tiny intimate moment.
Her fingers fidgeted.
She wanted to tear them out with her own nails.
She wanted to see them covered in blood.
Would they still shine if she did?
"Yes." Said the woman.
"And do you remember that I told you it only happened when we experienced intense emotions?"
"Yes."
"The Scarlet Eyes are considered rare jewels due to their color. If a Kurta dies in an agitated state, their eyes stay like that even after. My clan was massacred for them." Proceeded Kurapika, gaze lost for an instant. "I'm the only one who survived. And, well," He sighed, "I've been trying to retrieve all of them ever since then."
"And what does this have to do with you spying on me?" She asked, gritting her teeth.
"I did it because you're the Night Lady."
Medea blinked. "Huh?"
"The Order of the Golden Moon's official thief is you."
"But what does the Order—"
"They are known for obtaining illegal objects." He said. "All of it through you. When I found out from rumors in the Black Market that they were interested in acquiring one of my clan's eyes, I decided that I would have to find a way to trade it or steal it from them."
"And what better way than gaining my trust?" She completed.
"Yes." There was a defeated tone in his voice that only enraged her further.
"How low."
He shook his head. "I had no choice. I need to recover my clan's eyes, that was the only way I could think of doing so."
"By screwing me? Really?" Snickering, Medea touched the tattoo on her wrist. "Your explanations only get worse by the second, I kid you not." The man opened his mouth, but she promptly interrupted him: "And what were you planning to do? Make me take you to the Great Temple so you could steal it? Or maybe make me steal it for you? Is that it?"
A faint flush spread through his cheeks. "I… Thought that…"
A fresh swell of rage rose in her. "Thought what? That I would fall head-over-heels for you and simply forget about everything I swore to stand for in the Order? Why the hell would I do that?" She yelled, face heating up.
"Because you have a good heart!"
"I don't."
"You do! I know you understand why I did all of this," Kurapika carried on, unable to meet her gaze for too long, "maybe not right now, but you will!"
He looked tired, the shadows below his eyes dark like the times when he arrived from a mission and continued to worry about the next day's tasks. On those nights, Medea always advised him to go to bed. She kept him company through video calls until he claimed to be tired enough and wish her goodnight. This would never happen again. "This is literally the only purpose I serve now. I have to obtain those eyes."
"Don't you feel guilty for using someone's trust in your favor?" She retorted.
Albeit moderately reluctantly, he continued. "I don't have time to feel guilty, especially for something necessary."
"Why am I not surprised?"
"I need you to understand that I never intended to hurt you. Ever."
Medea laughed, a shrill, dragging sound that made the man look at her one more time. "You got close to me just to eventually convince me to help you, or, I don't know, maybe just until you discover the Order's weakness and then discard me. Tell me, why should I care about all this nonsense?"
"You're a good person, Medea! And I know that if you knew the things I do about the Order, you wouldn't stand by their side either!"
"I don't care! I don't want to hear your lies about the Order!" She screamed.
"I can prove it to you!"
"I don't want anything from you, you're a filthy liar! I trusted you, but you were never my friend."
"I was your friend!" He claimed, taking a step toward her. "I still am!"
She turned her face to the side. "No. No, you aren't. I can't believe I had to find all of this through… Through him."
"Him. Who is him?" Kurapika asked, narrowing his eyes. "Who is the friend you met with today?"
"Doesn't fucking matter to you!" Her tone was low and nasty, a warning. Although no longer explosive, her anger still consumed her to the point of not measuring any words. It was always like that. It got worse when she calmed down because her hatred became colder, and it always meant things would get crueler and shaper. Kite knew that very well. "Or rather, it must matter, since it's the only thing you still don't know about me, right? Just studying my whole life for months wasn't enough for you?"
"Was he the one who gave you this?" Carefully, Kurapika took the white folder into his hands.
"So what if it was?"
He sighed. "Medea, his intentions with this are really clear."
Snickering, she nodded. "Yeah, he wanted to help me. For the first time in his life, he actually did something good, and I am grateful for that!"
"No! He is trying to cause conflict between us!"
Her temper sparked. "No, that was you! That was all you!"
"I'm sure he is doing it just to break us up." He told her.
Medea scoffed and widened her eyes. "Break us up?"
"He literally took you on a date! Don't you think it's a bit weird?"
"It was not a date!"
"It was! I wouldn't doubt that he is doing all of this because he is interested in you!" He insisted.
"Okay, let me just explain something to you, Kurapika," Purple eyes darkened as she stared at him again, contempt written all over her face, "I don't know how your mind came up with this idea, but he is not interested in me, and we," She gestured for the both of them, "we were never a thing."
Kurapika frowned. "What do you mean by that?"
"I mean that I wanted to try to have a normal relationship, yes, but not because of you. Because of me." Medea stated. "You know very well that after everything I've been through, I deserve it. And I was willing to try it with you because, well," A bittersweet smile appeared on her lips, "I thought that if someone really cared about me, then I should… I should repay them for putting up with me."
"Put up with you?" He shook his head. "Being with you would never be a burden to me, Medea, because I love you."
A crease formed between her eyebrows. "Love?" Medea asked.
"I might have approached you for your connection with the Order, but I really fell in love with you." His voice broke a little at the end as if he wanted to keep it a secret. "I tried to tell you this the night I arrived, but—"
"Oh, no I heard it. I definitely did."
"You did?" He muttered.
"Yeah."
"But you… You didn't…" He trailed off.
"No."
"In the backyard, you implied that you hadn't."
"I was lying. Just like you." When his posture stiffened, Medea smirked. "Hurts, doesn't it?"
"Medea, I might have kept things from you, but I never lied to you." Kurapika told her, "I would never lie to someone I love."
"You don't love me, Kurapika." Medea stated.
"I do!"
"No, you're attracted to me, there's a difference!"
"Nonsense! I know the things you make me feel, I know my emotions, I know my heart!" He insisted.
"That is called being horny, not in love."
"Medea for fuck's sake, listen to me!"
"If you love someone, you don't spy on them. You don't betray their trust. You don't use them." The white-haired woman determined. "And wasn't that precisely what you did from the beginning?"
"I was going to tell you, I swear!" He was starting to sound desperate as if he finally realized the mess he had created.
As if he finally realized what it meant for his relationship with her.
"You were spying on me before I even saw you for the first time!" She reminded him in a low voice, face unchanged. An expression that was incompatible with the tremors taking hold of her and the sweat dripping down her body. Pure anger. "That is, if the first time we met was indeed a pure coincidence."
He gave her no reply.
Medea did not need words to understand that her suspicion was right — he had accepted the job at Emerald Kaniv on purpose just to meet her.
Her fists closed again. Now, linking her memories of that day to the facts that Illumi had presented her, she could understand everything clearly. She was naive to believe that he would be different from the others. He was just like Araeso, and Enoull, and that old hag Myo.
She truly was a stupid bitch.
"I regret not telling you about this before, I should have explained everything to you calmly so you would now understand that what I am doing is necessary… You would agree with me." Medea didn't know if he was saying that to her in an attempt to convince her or to convince himself. Maybe both. "I'm sorry."
"You broke my trust, and all you can say is that you wish you had told me about it before, so this wouldn't happen? How pathetic of you."
The silver bracelet on her wrist captured her attention. Her heart ached when she realized that, as much as she didn't want to admit it, Illumi had indeed been more sincere with her than someone she trusted. It was revolting to think that she would continue in the dark about everything if it were not for him, the man who tried to kill her a few weeks ago.
She closed her eyes. "And stop looking at me as if you really feel sorry. I'm sick of your false emotions, your schemes, all of it."
"They weren't false, Dhea." Kurapika assured her, extending a hand to touch her face.
"Don't touch me!" She warned him, glaring at him with such intensity that he bit his lip. "And I already told you not to call me that, either."
"But they really weren't, our moments were all true, I swear. I cherished each and every single one of them, and I… They mean the world to me."
"Stop being so emotional, Kurapika. It doesn't suit you at all." She scolded him.
"I'm explaining my feelings for you!" He defended himself.
"And that is ludicrous."
He blinked slowly. "Do you really think that?"
"Uh, yeah? Why would I be saying it if I didn't?"
"Don't you feel anything about the memories we share?"
"Oh, that?" She smiled. "I just wanted to fuck you."
"Huh?"
"I mean, you're pretty," Informed Medea, buttoning up Illumi's coat, "inexperienced, reserved. I quite enjoy tainting pure things, you see? That was what they taught me to do, as you know so very well." Mocked the woman.
Fate was cruel and liked to hurt her, it had a sadistic pleasure in distorting everything she believed to be right. Maybe she deserved that, in the end. All people went through difficult moments, even the kindest ones, so how could someone as bad as her escape it forever?
No. She deserved to suffer. Only this way would she learn not to trust anyone anymore. Only this way she would become stronger.
Like the characters from old myths, she too had great aspirations, but even worse failures.
She wanted grandeur. Power. Freedom.
Medea had crafted a pair of wings for herself, all so that she could escape the agony that constantly resurfaced in her life, and she had flown. She had flown so, so high that she had surpassed the clouds.
From that unreachable height, she could see the Sun face to face. It was sublime. Being near it had been fun and exciting.
Until she got too close.
Now, her carefully crafted wings were burned and she only noticed when it was already too late. She had trusted her abilities so much that she hadn't paid attention to how naive and vulnerable she had become. And the fall…
Ah, the fall had been splendidly terrible.
"You're just saying this because you're upset." He said, shaking his head.
"And you're in denial!" Medea cut him off. "You did the same as me! I was a toy to satisfy your desires, an object to reach your goal. And the worst is that you say you regret it, but just a few minutes ago you said you didn't feel guilty about your choices!" She cackled, opening her arms derisively. "Which one will it be? Stop being a hypocrite and take responsibility for your actions!"
He passed his hand through his blond hair exasperatingly, fingers trembling and the artery in his neck pulsating quickly. How many times had Medea traveled that region with her tongue? Countless. "Understand that I only did this because it was necessary, I need to avenge my clan. The Order—"
"So what if the Order is after a Kurta's fucking eyes?" The venom bled out of her putrid heart and coated her words to the point of dripping from them. "I give zero fucks about this, and if you thought this conversation would make me stand by your side, you're awfully wrong."
Kurapika took a step back, surprised by how harsh her words were. "You're not serious…" He murmured.
"Of course I am!" She guaranteed.
He closed his mouth, looking for words to continue talking to her. "Medea," He said, after a while, "you don't understand that people were cruelly killed just because—"
"No, I don't think you understand…" There was a cruel smile on her lips. "I don't fucking care." She repeated arrogantly. "When it comes to me, you can take whatever you care about and shove it right up your asshole. I'm not helping you with shit!"
A glimpse of pain and dismay passed through his face, but soon his expression changed to one of indifference. Gray eyes that once begged for her understanding now overflowed with disappointment. A contrast between a gray agate, bright and delicate, and pure iron, hard and opaque.
She had killed something in him with that.
Good.
"You, Medea Lanfort, are affiliated with a group that encourages the trafficking and slavery of children for human sacrifice. A sect that lies to its faithful members in exchange for power. A sect that is in possession of a pair of Scarlet Eyes." The confidence and severity with which he said those words made Medea's jaw clench; he acted like he was superior to her. He was looking down upon her. "If you want to pretend that nothing you have supported through the past years by following the Order of the Golden Moon has happened, if you want to forget about your past in Proyca, if you deem yourself worthy of living normally, then the only way you have to redeem yourself before society is to help me regain the Scarlet Eyes."
That made her stiffen.
She glanced at Leorio and Kite. They stared at her in shock, and although it could be simply due to the argument she and Kurapika were in the middle of, she knew it was not the case. No. It was because they had heard him talk about her past in Proyca.
She bit her lip.
This was humiliating.
Who did he think he was to try to make her feel guilty about that? Did he think that by stooping that low she would simply comply with his request?
Medea felt fury vibrate through her being, down to her bones, blurring her mind, just like the tears that blurred her eyes. She was drowning in lava. Her lips pressed into a thin line, sweat ran down the side of her forehead.
Without a second thought, one of her hands moved.
A loud slap echoed through the living room.
It was so strong that her hand itched instantly and the palm of her hand was imprinted on his left cheek — bright red, quickly swelling, and bleeding slightly on the spots where her nails had sunk.
Kurapika said nothing, just took his fingers to his face and stared at the small amount of blood that stained them. His face was unreadable.
"Don't you ever dare use my history against me again. You might know my past, but you don't know me, Kurapika." Brimming with hostility, she spat those words at him. "You have no idea of what I'm capable of."
"You owe me this!"
"I don't owe you shit!"
"Had it not been for me telling Killua and Alluka, you would be dead now!"
"Don't pretend you're selfless now, you did it because you needed me to be alive." She looked at him from head to toe with disdain. "You still do. Remember that if you try to act like you were the victim when you clearly are nothing but an opportunist."
"And you're a selfish, heartless woman."
She nodded. "Yeah."
"Ungrateful, that is what you are!"
"Okay."
"You're vile." He growled.
"Whatever you say."
"You're just like everyone in the Association painted you out to be, you know? I didn't believe them, but it's true! You're terrible, truly terrible."
Medea blinked.
Then, she walked to the center table and picked up the yellow envelope that was thrown over his glass top.
"He was right, you know?." She said. "You are not apt to defend me in any way."
The blond shook his head irritated, golden locks waving with the movement. She felt tempted to scalp him.
"I never imagined that you could be so selfish as not to think about the lives your sect helped to take." He stated ferociously.
"Stop lying to try to paint me as the villain!" She growled.
"Go make a little search then, Medea. Dig a bit." Kurapika sneered. "Let's see if the things I said were indeed lies."
Fixing the collar of the green coat, Medea just sighed. "Of all the shit that happened in my life, and you certainly know all of it, I can say with confidence that you were one of the worst. I am done with you."
She turned around, quickly avoiding both Leorio and Kite, and climbed the stairs.
Steps sounded on the first floor, following her, but Medea did not look back. There was no strength in her for that. She was much more concerned with ignoring the lump in her throat and the pressure in her chest. Don't cry. Don't let them see you cry.
Locking the bedroom door behind her, Medea took a deep breath. She opened the closet, looking for her travel bag amidst the thick, warm tears that pooled in her eyes. She would not cry. No matter how betrayed or humiliated or disgusting she felt, she would keep those tears at bay. The last thing she wanted was to be weak.
She had endured worse acts of treachery.
As she shoved the yellow envelope inside the baggage, her reflex stared at her in the mirror. Her hair was a mess, so she untied it and brushed her fingers through it just to make it look normal. Her eyes were relatively reddish, but one could easily assume it was because of her anger since the rest of her face also looked flushed. Despite that, she still seemed… Fine? No, not fine. Presentable, maybe.
And the peacoat she was wearing…
Medea scowled.
"I can't believe I'm saying this for the third or fourth time today, but you were right, Zoldyck. Green does suit me." She muttered out loud.
Sighing, Medea put her bag on her shoulder and unlocked the door, being promptly greeted by Kite's face. She lowered her gaze. "I'm leaving."
"I can see that."
"Don't try to make me stay."
"I won't." Kite sighed, hugging her briefly. "Just don't forget to call me."
"Where is he?" She asked, looking from one side to the other of the corridor.
"Backyard. Leorio is having a little chat with him."
"Good."
"The others have arrived, by the way."
Medea nodded. "Okay."
"Stay calm."
"I am now."
Kite gave her an incredulous look but said nothing.
They walked down the stairs in silence, the sound of loud chattering and laughter becoming louder and louder as they approached the first floor.
"Medea, great to see you!" Mito greeted her, smiling. "I managed to find more M&Ms and… What are you doing with that bag?"
"Uh, I've got to go."
"Dee, what…?"
"Medea?" Killua looked at her, horrified. "What the hell are you wearing?"
"I borrowed it."
"I can see that, it's too big for you, what I meant is…" His eyes landed on her silver bracelet. "Wait, what bracelet is that?"
"Gift from a friend." She answered without going into details.
A crease appeared between his brows as he studied her from head to toe. His eyes narrowed. "A gift, you say?"
"Anyway, I really… I have to leave."
"When?" Alluka asked.
"Now."
"What?!" Gon asked, eyes wide in surprise. "But the party's tomorrow!"
Her heart ached. "I'm sorry, Gon, I can't stay." She turned to Mito and smiled. "Thank you so much for welcoming me into your house, and I deeply apologize if I have caused any problems to you, your grandmother, or Gon, it wasn't my intention."
"No, darling, you can't leave just now!" Mito shook her head.
"No, Mito, I have to."
She frowned. "Well, um, alright. And don't worry, it was lovely to have you here with us."
"Medea, what are you doing?"
"Isn't it obvious? She's leaving, Leorio."
Medea shut her eyes when and cursed in Dnihipian, turning her face to the other side of the living room, where both men were. "Yeah. I am."
Kurapika's eyes shone like the rubies on her wrist, a wild and uncontrolled vision that Medea had only witnessed on another occasion.
On a trip, she had seen him lose control for the first time, and on a trip, she had the opportunity to have those majestic eyes shining for her for the last time. "If you come back, I won't be waiting for you."
"I won't." She stated. "Well, everyone, this is it. Goodbye."
Before she could get out the door, Killua grabbed her sleeves, forcing her to stop.
"Wait, what is going on?" Asked Killua. "Why are you leaving?"
She shoved her hands in the green coat's pockets. "Ask Kurapika."
Flipping her hair, Medea turned on her heels and left.
Every fiber in her being begged her to start running, but she did not listen to them. She had to show she was unbothered. Therefore, she calmly walked down the earthy path again, even when a rumble of thunder boomed in the distance.
Again, she thought. She had been deceived by someone close to her yet again.
Unbelievable.
And what Kurapika had said about the Order was a lie. It had to be. Surely, that was just a way he had found to continue to deceive her. There was no way the Order of the Golden Moon was compliant with such things, much less promote them.
It could not be. The Order was a serious and transparent religion.
No, they would never.
She shook her head. The Mistress would never allow such a thing. It was just Kurapika, trying to trick her yet again.
Medea sighed.
Finally, she had touched the ground. Her wings had been burned, her bones had been shattered and her organs, compromised. There was only a tenuous breath of life in her lungs that kept her from entering the world of the dead.
She had no idea how to proceed from now on.
The next thing she knew, she was in the harbor again. She could not remember the sound of people talking being so annoying and deafening before, but it made her stomach turn and her head spin.
Why could they not stop for a mere second?
She leaned against a wooden pier and covered her ears with her hands, tears threatening to flow from her eyes as she shook her head desperately. Don't be weak, Medea. Don't cry. She just wanted a compass to guide her life, a realistic goal, something tangible that would not be ripped out of her hands at the first opportunity. A lighthouse in the middle of the stormy night on the high seas, guiding her to calm waters.
She wanted certainty.
Safety.
Someone to trust.
Someone that would never waver in their loyalty.
A refuge.
Thick droplets of water fell on her head, then on her body. Purple eyes shot open. Her eyes landed on the ship in front of her. Kaiyou. She furrowed her brows. She had seen that name among others as she searched for Illumi earlier, but now only it remained moored waiting for its passengers to board.
Medea stared at the dark sky and sighed.
Without thinking twice, she took all the Jenny she had out of her pocket and approached the man who untied the ropes that kept the ramp open.
"Wait! Wait, sir! For Heaven's sake, let me board!" She requested in despair. "I don't care about the value, you can have it all!"
He arched an eyebrow. "Are you all right?"
"No."
"Okay…" He sighed and rolled his eyes, taking the money from her trembling hands and pointing it up the ramp.
Medea sighed relieved as she finally entered the ship, the swing of the waves calming her at least a little.
The ship's destination was a mystery, but she did not bother to ask the crew. The only thing she hoped for was that it was anywhere except Lapet; she could not go home, not when there was still the tiny possibility of a certain someone appearing there to apologize once again. Besides, the key to the hut was with Killua and there was no way to get it now.
She thought of him and Alluka. As much as she loved them, the best thing for everyone at the moment was for her to walk away until she regained her mental stability again.
For now, however, the ocean alone was enough for her to feel safe. It was everything she knew, everything that was substantial in her life.
At last, she felt like she always had ever since she could remember.
Alone.