EDIT, 3/14/21 - Chapter has been rewritten almost entirely from the ground up. Bits and fragments of the old version that passed muster stayed, but for the most part, this is all completely new content. A/N has been changed accordingly.
2nd EDIT, 12/15/21 - First scene has been revised, major dialogue touch-ups.
I woke up on the morning of the 27th with a start, catapulting my head off the pillow into a straight-backed seat and breathing so quickly that I nearly thought I was hyperventilating. Running a hand through my hair, rubbing off the sweat beading on my forehead in the process, I rolled off the mattress and stumbled over to the bathroom for a cold shock.
Another nightmare, then. Fuck, that's– what, the third, fourth one this week? Bloody hell, I really must be losing it.
I was beginning to feel grateful for the fact that I hardly ever remembered what happened inside my head during my nightly bouts of REM sleep. Given how many protagonists tended to have dreams stacked full of foreshadowing though, that probably wasn't a very good thing in the long run.
Not that I could do anything about it. But, well. One more minor grievance was nothing on the already massive pile of shit I'd been told to clean up. I could deal with this, no problem.
Against my better judgement, I returned to the abandoned district later in the day to check if it was the correct date of Gertrud's demise, and it was. Spectating from a safe distance, I watched as the entrance to the witch's labyrinth fluctuated and spazzed out as Mami brought the pain, eventually fizzling away and depositing her and the two prospective recruits back in reality, Grief Seed in tow.
The events following it appeared to proceed as usual. Which really shouldn't have relieved me as much as it did, but it was nice to see that I hadn't screwed things up yet. Too much, at any rate.
Although, that also came with the realization that I'd backed myself into a corner and forced myself to contract for no other reason than because I'd decided to jump the gun and check the site early. It was a rather sobering reminder that my impulsive streak wasn't just a quirky little character flaw anymore, but a legitimate danger that could land me, and others in very real trouble if I didn't get a handle on it soon. Then again, with the abilities the decision had granted me, it was difficult to clearly determine if I was better or worse off than before.
Perhaps that was why this warning didn't stick.
When I got home, fresh off checking out some hot meguca action, I decided it was high time I gave myself a uniform inspection. As such, my first thought upon looking in the mirror after transforming was 'Shulk?'
The details were fuzzy thanks to Kyubey's annoying insistence on keeping all the information he gave me as vague as he could get away with, but I had managed to glean a few things about the contracting process. One of them being that the outfit a Magical Girl donned when transforming was shaped in part from the girl's wish, the girl's ideal version of herself in relation to the wish, her perceptions about the life she was stepping into, and a few other minor things.
...or something like that, at least. Maybe. Metaphysics and deep reading weren't my forte. The point being, my outfit (and weapon, and powers, but I'll get to that) looked a lot like a certain JRPG main character's did, probably because he was what my brain tended to default to when thinking about someone who changed the future.
The main point of interest was the dull red hooded vest worn over a black long sleeved turtleneck sweater, fitted with silver pauldrons on the shoulders that almost seemed to be trying too hard not to be flashy. A similarly-colored breastplate covered the majority of my chest area, tapering to a ridged point in the center and feeling for all the world like it was actively rejecting the notion that it could ever be a boob-plate.
The red made a return on the wide-legged shorts, broken up by a fat silver stripe running down the front of both legs to a rim of the same color, partially covering up the pads on my knees. They resembled those a skater might wear, only made of metal and brown leather instead of plastic and rubber.
At the bottom were a pair of thick-soled red shoes, featuring a pattern of brown diverging from the stripe in the center leading up to an extra securing strap that wrapped around my leg above the ankle. They sported small pieces of metal on the toes that evoked the image of car bumpers, and I suspected they'd give any kicks that made use of them a little extra oomph.
Finally, perhaps the most eye-catching detail was my off-white, shining Soul Gem, which sat at my collarbone area above the chestplate, sewn into the sweater in the shape of a stubby little catholic cross edged with gold. I absently ran a finger across it, smirking when an inane thought made the rounds in my head.
Hey, check it out, I have my own Aegis-model Core Crystal. And I didn't even have to die to get it!
I stopped, reconsidering that. "...well, kind of, anyway." But I was only mostly dead at the moment. If my gem got shot, that would be the moment I'd go all dead, and start having to deal with jerks going through my pockets for loose change. Until then, however, I'd be staying mostly dead, which is also slightly alive.
That wasn't important, though. Overall, the outfit looked like it was trying to be as practical as it could while still bowing down to the rules of slick, sporty aesthetics. It was a good deal more mundane than you'd expect from typical Magical Girl costume fare, but I guess that was part of the beauty of it. I sure as hell wasn't complaining.
After that, I'd sat down to ponder on the power my wish had granted me.
Sorry, Oriko. My city now.
Like a lot of other powers granted to the various Magical Girls of the world, the ability to see visions of the future on its own wasn't all that broken. Forewarned may have been forearmed, but I'd be hard-pressed taking down a tank battalion with only an assault rifle, if you caught my drift.
But that was if I only took myself into account there. On my own, all I had was a comically oversized sword that could grow a laser blade to get even more comically oversized, and an uncanny penchant for perfectly predicting incoming attacks. If I added someone like Mami or Homura however, both experienced veterans and practically one-woman armies in their own right… that was practically a recipe for world domination right there.
Especially with Homura. The only ways someone could realistically negate her time-stop was if they either forced her into melee range, which was so far out of the realm of possibility that I might as well reword it to 'if she let them,' or if they caught her by surprise. Seeing as my shiny new visions were practically tailor-made for hard countering ambushes of all kinds, combining the two of us together would create a nigh-unstoppable dynamic duo that could steamroll everything short of the few opponents out there that my weapon couldn't slice in two.
Like Walpurgisnacht. Because I'd eat my Soul Gem if a single Monado Buster was all it took to close the circus early.
On a different note, this new ability just so happened to be the ideal excuse to justify my existing foreknowledge, if I ever needed to do so. I couldn't think of many situations where such a thing would matter, but every little bit helped. You never knew if something innocuous could save you a whole lot of trouble, until it did.
Of course, that foreknowledge wouldn't last much longer, as we were now past episode 2, and quickly approaching the Cerebus Syndrome catalyst that was episode 3. I had very little to go off of in regards to the exact date Mami was slated to lose her head on, but compensating for that was likely just a matter of keeping a close eye on the hospital. After all, I doubted a Grief Seed sticking out of a wall and setting off all kinds of magic alarms would be easy to miss.
An idea did come to me at that point—dealing with Charlotte would be a non-issue if I just visited the hospital early to find and dispose of her Grief Seed before it could hatch, or if I made the effort to stop the seed from coming to exist, period. I ended up throwing it away, though, as Homura hadn't tried doing so, which probably meant that either nothing changed or something worse would happen if the new witch wasn't born.
Best not to push it. That means I should probably try to intercept right before the bite to score those sweet 'I saved you' obligation points. Preferably with Homu in tow for a quick and easy curbstomp.
The idea that I had essentially just consented to a plan that involved letting a little kid die so I could have a 'better' chance of saving my own skin wouldn't cross my mind until long after it was over and done with.
...Nagisa deserved better than a bastard like me.
The rest of the day passed by quickly without much else of note, giving way for the 28th in the blink of an eye. Now that I'd had some time to decompress, I decided that I might as well take a day to test out my new incubator-brand toy, to see if it really lived up to the hype.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, it worked like a charm; far better than I had expected, to tell the truth. As it turned out, 'translator' was a bit of a misnomer. It actually functioned more like a 'localizer,' as from what I could tell, it essentially took whatever words I said in English, cross-referenced them with the meaning I had in mind when I said them, then converted the phrase into Japanese and replicated my voice to speak it, with proper tone and inflection and everything. The really amazing part here was that not only did it do all this before the words even left my mouth, but this also worked with things that wouldn't normally translate well, like wordplay, which was all but revolutionary.
Note that while it was doing this, it also used some ridiculously advanced hologram tech to give the illusion that my lips were speaking Japanese and not English.
Oh, and if that wasn't enough, then not only did it work for me, but also for everyone else I talked with. How exactly it managed to do that too was beyond me, but there was something to be said about sufficiently advanced tech being indistinguishable from magic. (Which carried a few implications about the abilities I now possessed, but I digress.) Unless it actually did work on magic, in which case… mmmmmagic. Snort-snort.
All told, it was like having my own personal localization team that worked round-the-clock, for free, and never made mistakes.
Heh. Eat it, subbers. Dubs win this round.
On a completely unrelated note, it also doubled as a bangin' set of earbuds. As it happens, I discovered that function completely by accident when I misclicked to the connections menu on my phone and saw it there, under the label 'M4G1-UN17-2011.' After extensive testing, I determined that yes, it could be used to play songs directly into my ears, and boy howdy was that something I didn't know I needed. Even better, it indirectly led to me finding out that YouTube was nowhere near as terrible of a platform as it was back home; all the better for gaining quick access to my personal favorite bops. Unlimited bandwidth sure was a hell of a drug sometimes.
Overall bottom line for the 28th: it just works. I hit the sack that night with a good deal of satisfaction.
That leads us to the 29th. To set the stage for the next big scene, it was late in the afternoon, and I was stalking what was currently the main trio while they were returning from another successful witch hunt. I shadowed them to Mami's place, taking care to mark the location of the apartment building and her room number. Once that was done, I began making my own way home, whispering along to some background tunes.
"You have to show them that you're really not scared, you're playin' with your life, this ain't no truth-or-dare~!"
I only made it halfway through the neighboring alleyway before I heard someone call out my name from behind, interrupting the rockin' beats of Michael Jackson's 'Beat It.'
"Audrey Erryn," a cold, detached voice intoned. "I'm afraid I have to ask you to leave this place."
...well, fuck.
I stopped the music and swiveled my head around, turning to focus on the head of long black hair attached to a body adorned with white, black, and faded purple. "Oh, yeah? Who's asking?"
"Homura Akemi, if you must know," she answered while giving me my first taste of her signature hair flip. "But that's not important. What is important is that you keep your distance from this city. This is not a safe place to be, and neither are those girls safe people to be around."
Hearing her state her own name caused something to click.
Wait. She knew my name. Why does she know my name?
There were only two possible answers to that question.
She doesn't know me from a previous loop, does she? No, no way. The note said that my being here's a one-and-done deal.
So if she didn't get to know me before this go-around, then that meant...
Kyubey.
I remembered the cabbit mentioning that he'd barely been able to get any dirt on me. But it'd clearly found enough to determine my name, whether that was from fabricated birth certificates, my hotel reservation, or something else entirely.
Confronting the bastard would have to come later, though. Right now, I needed to focus on the problem staring me down like a trigger-happy bandit.
"And why should I stay away, Miss Akemi?" Technically a redundant question since I knew exactly why, but I wasn't going to tell her that. "This seems like a nice place, and they seem like nice people. I'd like to believe a little danger wouldn't stop me from having a grand old time with them. What, are you telling me they're not worth it?"
She seemed to be of the same opinion on the subject of revealing information, by the looks of it. "That's not my place to say. But that doesn't change the fact that you need to get out of here as soon as possible. For your own good."
"Well, you're doing a pretty terrible job of convincing me." Not that she could, anyway. Not with my extenuating circumstances. "Maybe if you gave me a reason more concrete than 'because I said so,' I might consider it. But until then, I'm not going anywhere."
"You don't seem to understand. I'm trying to help you." It seemed like she was shifting her approach now. A pity that it was in service of a foregone conclusion. "And I'm not afraid of using more persuasive measures on those who don't know what's good for them."
My arms folded themselves and an eyebrow popped up. "'What's good for me?' Seriously?" I gave her a deliberate once-over, emphasizing the 20-plus centimeter height difference between us. "What are you, fourteen or something? Did nobody ever tell you to respect your elders?" Oh, ugh, I could practically taste the cliché in that line. The irony also wasn't lost on me; if anything, she should've been telling me to respect my elders. "I'll have you know that I'm about a month away from being legally allowed to drink here, you pint-sized shit. I'm pretty sure I can tell what is and isn't good for me on my own, thank you very little." My message was loud and clear—I wasn't budging.
"That's unfortunate," she lamented, her eyes hardening almost imperceptibly as she gave up on diplomacy. "I was hoping to resolve this matter without the use of force. I see now that I was too optimistic."
"Oh, so you're not even gonna bother with an explanation? Just gonna whip out that threat card because violence obviously solves everything?" I shook my head with a sigh. "Man, and we were on the verge of greatness there. We were this close to hashing this out like sensible, civilized people. This close!" My hand provided a helpful diagram to illustrate said closeness before I half-heartedly tossed my hands up. "I guess that's on me for expecting too much from someone like you, though. But whatever. If that's how you wanna play, then fine."
The bright flash of my transformation faded at my next words. "Go ahead and try it."
It should go without saying that I was nowhere near as confident on the inside.
Shit, okay. Future sight versus time stop. Fuck. How do I handle this?
Purely on its own, Homura's ability wasn't actually all that dangerous. I could assume that something as crazy as stopping time for everything except her cost a lot of magic, and everything she touched was brought into the effect with her, which locked her out of making use of melee attacks.
The problem, of course, came when she combined it with more mundane projectile weaponry that allowed her to get around the touch issue. Even with massively enhanced reflexes and a sword wide enough to double as a shield, blocking bullets was nowhere near as easy as most anime would lead you to believe. Combined with her ability to pull a Za Warudo and simply fill the space around me with walls of lead fired from different angles, I had a hard time believing that I'd be able to survive if she took me seriously.
The key word there being 'if.' I may have been a new element to her, but if Kyubey was the one responsible for bringing me to her attention, then she would also surely be aware of my inexperience in combat. By this point, I could easily assume that Homura was well acquainted with managing her effort and resource expenditures, to the point where she would probably recognize that she wouldn't need to try very hard to take me down. She could simply stop time and do me like Dio did Kakyoin, but that would eat up valuable magic that clearly didn't need to be spent on me.
Hell, I was nearly convinced that she probably wouldn't even try to waste ammo on me, either. With the sheer amount of experience she had, it wouldn't surprise me if she was able to stomp me with just her shield and her fists. Unarmed combat wasn't her specialty, sure, but there was no way she'd gone through however-many loops without learning how to throw some hands.
But going up against that shield and those fists was the only angle of attack I could think of that had a chance of ending with me coming out on top here. If she pulled anything else out of that hyperspace arsenal of hers, I'd be all but done for.
Yeah, alright. Melee will lock her out of time-stop anyway, so. Just– try not to get beaten to a pulp and keep her underestimating me, otherwise she'll start actually trying and wipe the floor with me.
That didn't mean I wouldn't try to do some damage, though. If I saw a chance to deprive her of that chrono-freeze, I was going to grab and squeeze it for all it was worth.
Silver abruptly flashed before my eyes, derailing my train of thought. When it ended and I began to react, realizing that my opponent had disappeared, one last idle thought passed through my head.
...I totally forgot about the neck chop she pulled that one time. Welp.
Turning backwards on a dime, I snapped up my empty arm to block the surgical knife-hand strike intended to knock me out, causing Homura's eyes to widen in shock.
That shock caused her to freeze up for a tiny, infinitesimal fraction of a second. To a normal human, such a small period of time would never in a million years be considered as even remotely reactable.
But for me, newly enhanced and hyped up on adrenaline as I was, it was just enough time to wrap that blocking arm around hers in a lock, binding us together—and nulling her power in the process.
Now that we were on equal footing, it was time to begin the scrap in earnest. To that end, I brought my other hand up and socked her in the face with it.
That was about as far as shock value got me, though. My next punch slammed dead center into her shield, stopping my assault cold with a clang that reverberated through my knuckles. Flicking my fist off to the side, she smashed a hook counter into my cheek, damn near snapping my neck from how far it twisted my head back. Then her arm came back around and bludgeoned the other side of my face with the buckler, sending it spinning back in the other direction.
My heart hammered in my ears and my brain shifted into overdrive, letting me recover fast enough to stop a third punch from knocking my lights out. Homura didn't even slow down, lashing out with a roundhouse kick that felt like it crushed a kidney. She was about to throw out a second one when I made use of one of my own legs, sweeping the one keeping her stable out from under her.
The sudden fall she started dragging me into served as a reminder that I was still trapping one arm and holding the other. Instincts that felt both foreign and familiar suddenly surged, leaving me with no option but to let my body pilot itself. Her shield arm was released, turning Homura's fall into an awkward tumble and leaving her vulnerable. Her other arm was left free for me to grab with both hands now, and let me perform something I thought was only possible in movies. Pulling with a strength I had no business possessing, I heaved my attacker up and over my head with a guttural roar and slammed her into the ground, fracturing the concrete floor.
Convinced she was now properly stunned and ripe for pinning, I went to secure her shield arm again. This left me completely blindsided when said arm slapped my attempt away and subsequently threw the fist connected to it right into my nose. Realizing what she was going to do next, I aimed a punch of my own towards her noggin, intending to scramble her a bit, but was met with failure when the sound of flesh meeting metal rang out through the alley once again.
I was quick enough this time to avoid having my hand sent off to the side. I was not fast enough to stop the heels of both of Homura's shoes from colliding with my face when she used the time I gave her to bring her legs up to her chest.
The sheer amount of force such a maneuver offered was more than enough to straighten me up and send me stumbling away a little. Which also meant it was enough to break the hold I had on her other arm.
Oh, crap-!
Blinking away the impact daze, I lunged towards the girl still on the ground, praying that I would be fast enough to regain the hold I had on her before—
"Freeze."
The unmistakable click of a safety being flipped off echoed through my eardrums from behind, sounding for all the world like a death knell. As if my body needed any more reason to lock up.
...motherfucker.
For all intents and purposes, she had me in checkmate. Underestimating my ability to predict her movements and putting herself in a situation that let me nullify her trump card had been the only things I had going for me, and now they were gone. Homura would not make the same mistakes twice.
"Lousy god damn stupid broken-ass bullshit power," I found myself muttering as I ever-so-slowly lifted my hands into a surrendering position.
If she heard me, she didn't act like it. "I'll have you know, I don't want to kill you. Quite the opposite, in fact. But I cannot condone your stay here, and I will not let you near the people I'm trying to protect."
"Yeah, well, you'll have to excuse me if I think that sounds like the ramblings of a stalker with more paranoia than common sense." However justified it may have been. "It's not like the world will end if I just talk to them one time, right?"
"You'd be surprised," was all she answered with. "But that's irrelevant. As I'm sure you can tell by now, you're not strong enough to face what's coming to this city." Reminding myself of Homura's sky-high standards did little to lessen the sting of the declaration. "If you continue to resist, I will be forced to resort to methods that may very well prove lethal." I could feel those eyes boring into my back. "Choose your next action wisely."
Not that there was much of a choice to begin with. I was in this for my own skin; seriously risking it here and now with my back to the wall would be pointless. Disregarding her warning was an inevitability, but so was my loss if I tried to go up against her in my current position. Granted, my chances in the near future were of similar quality, but anything was better than what I had at the moment.
Sighing in defeat, I made my choice. I'd really liked that apartment. Perhaps I could stay in neighboring Kazamino without drawing Homura's ire. Maybe I could buy Grief Seeds off Kyoko in exchange for feeding her.
Heh. If only it were that easy.
And then the sound of a flint striking a pan and igniting a mass of black powder blasted out from above like a gospel from on high. In a flash, the Glock 19 Homura had leveled at me was pierced by a glowing yellow bullet, turning it into little more than a useless hunk of polymer.
"My, my, Miss Akemi. It hasn't even been a week since you threatened dear Kyubey, and now you're holding an innocent girl up at gunpoint? I've never met anyone so lacking in restraint, let alone morals!"
Snapping my field of vision up, I was greeted with the sight of a drill-haired angel in white dropping to land in front of me with a flourish, raising a shining filigreed musket to rest on her shoulder. "Well? Anything to say for yourself?"
"Mami Tomoe…" Homura's expression tightened in disapproval. "Leave. This matter doesn't concern you."
"Oh, I beg to differ," she rebuffed. "Surely you realize that my home is just down the street? This concerned me the moment you decided to start a fight right here at my doorstep. Honestly, were you not being so inconsiderate, I would regard your audacity as worthy of respect."
The time-looper had no response. She had no leg to stand on here, and she knew it.
Her silence spoke volumes for Mami. "Now, then. I believe it's my turn to ask you to leave. Whatever business you have with this poor girl can wait until after you've learned some manners." The gun came off her shoulders and into a resting position, ready to snap up and fire at a moment's notice. "Unless you think you can handle the both of us?"
Homura glared at us for a little longer, then shut her eyes and conceded. "...fine." She then turned around, but kept her gaze on me as she gave some parting words. "But mark my words, Audrey Erryn. This is not the last we will see of each other."
"Hey, I'd be more than happy to see you if you weren't holding a forged eviction notice," I snipped back. "You want my suggestion, try a lotus instead. Bouquets before bullets, y'hear?"
At the same time, I tried doing something that felt entirely new, and paradoxically ingrained since forever. 'I'm not here to hurt anyone or start anything if that's what you're concerned about, by the way. And on the off-chance you're just worried about competition, well… I'll be running interference anyway.'
For a tiny, microscopic moment, a look of mild surprise washed over Homura's face before her mask fell back into place. 'Definitely not the last we will see of each other,' was the response broadcasted into my brain. And with that, she fully turned her back and walked away, disappearing around the faraway corner in short order.
A few seconds later, I released the breath I'd unconsciously been holding and slumped onto the nearest wall. A bright flare saw my body return to normal.
One hand came up to rest on my forehead, while the other flipped a thumbs-up towards my savior. "Thanks. Really. She would've run me out of town on a rail if you hadn't stepped in."
"It's no trouble at all," she brushed off with a smile, flashing back to her casual outfit. "I'm just doing my duty as a Magical Girl."
I huffed a laugh. "Duty, huh…" Looking away, I cast a glance down the alley where Homura had exited. "Seems to me like everyone's got a different idea of what that means nowadays."
She sighed in return. "Yes, I suppose they do. But that's life, isn't it? Just because someone decides to use their power to serve the people doesn't mean everyone else will follow suit."
"True enough," I replied.
"Mamiiiiii!" a familiar voice suddenly called out from a fair distance behind the girl in question. Moments later, two heads with hair the combined color of cotton candy came into view.
The blue one glanced around before looking at the veteran in the area. "Hey, where's that transfer student?"
I took over. "If you mean the black-haired girl that just tried to kick me out of house and home, she's gone. Your friend there scared her off." Lifting up and lightly shaking a fist, I flashed a tired yet satisfied smirk, pointedly staring at the cracks spiderwebbing out from the imprint my little Hulk Smash had left behind. "Got her good in the meantime, though. If nothing else, the shiner I handed out'll make her think twice about trying me again." A thought came to me then, and I turned to Mami. "Ah– speaking of which, how'd you even know we were here?"
She gestured over to the furball perched on the shoulder of the approaching pink-haired girl. "Kyubey notified me that Miss Akemi was confronting a rookie Magical Girl right next door. Given her temperament, I thought it would be prudent to make sure that nobody got too excited."
Said pink-haired girl then recognized who her senpai was talking to. "Wait… Audrey?! Is that you?"
"Well, whaddaya know! If it isn't little miss Madoka!" I called back. "I'm kinda surprised you still remember me. What've you been getting yourself into this past week?"
"Oh, uh, you know…" she stumbled a bit. "School… homework… going on witch hunts… normal things?" She finished with an awkward laugh.
"'Normal things,'" I parroted. "Right. And I'm living a healthy life." Heh, meat puppet jokes. "Good to see you again, though. Even if I'd like it to be under better circumstances."
She shrunk in on herself a little bit more. "Ahaha… sorry?"
I waved it off. "No need for that. As long as you're making sure to stay safe, we're all good." Peeking at Mami, I furrowed my eyebrows. "Speaking of which, you… haven't made a contract yet, have you?"
"No," Madoka admitted. "It sounds amazing, but I have no idea what to wish for. Nothing I can come up with seems… worthy, if that makes sense."
"I hate to interrupt," the blonde interjected, "but this isn't a very suitable place for a conversation. Why don't we go back to my apartment? I was going to bring out some of my homemade cake before Miss Akemi so rudely interrupted us."
Noises of excited assent were heard amongst the rest of us.
"Wonderful. Let's get going, then."
"Uh…"
Mami turned to me. "Yes?"
I felt the red of shame creep up my face against my will. "I'd… rather not do the whole seiza thing if I can." After the words left my mouth, I immediately became aware of the many ways they could be misconstrued. "Ah– that wasn't culturally insensitive, was it? Sorry."
She just politely shook her head. "That's all right. I can understand why you would want to avoid that position. I wasn't expecting an extra guest though, so please excuse me while I go find another cushion."
I attempted to stop her. "Oh, you– don't have to do that for me, really. I mean, you're already inviting us in and giving us free food and all…"
"And that's exactly why l'm doing it," she insisted. "To deny a guest any and all comforts is the mark of a poor hostess. Just leave everything to me, and I'll make sure you have a good time."
I wanted to press further, but ultimately decided that it wasn't worth the effort and let her go. She came back shortly and placed down the bag of fluff on the unoccupied space of the glass triangle table, then left again to get the food. I took a seat on the unoccupied side, glancing around before settling my eyes on the others.
I decided to attempt to break the ice a little, starting with the one person in the room I already knew. "So… Madoka." She perked up. "You said you were stuck on the wish?"
She nodded, and I put a hand up to my chin. "Well, I'm not really sure I can help you with that. But kudos to you for taking it seriously and thinking it over. The last thing you want to do is make a wish that you'll regret later, whether that be because it didn't do enough, or it did the opposite of what you wanted, or something else entirely."
"Yeah…"
The hand left my chin, and a finger came up. "I do have to remind you, though—this isn't a game. It never has been, and it never will be." I made a point to fix her eyes with a hardened stare. "If you aren't properly prepared for what you'll face after making a contract, you can and will die."
She nodded again, slower this time, but I wasn't quite convinced, and proceeded to make use of the tools at hand to drive the idea home beyond a shadow of a doubt. "Yo, furball," I directed at the drone perched on Madoka's shoulder, "back me up here. You're the manager of this whole thing, right? So I can assume that you probably keep a mortality rate somewhere?"
'I do record and monitor the status of everyone who has made a contract with me, yes,' he confirmed.
"All right, then." I thought for a moment, determining the best question to ask. "How many live past eighteen years of age? Just, like, a rough estimate. Oh, and no decimals, please."
Its answer, from where I was sitting, was quite telling. 'Approximately only 29% of all Magical Girls survive to see their nineteenth birthday. Notable causes of death include witches, which are responsible for 61% of all Magical Girl casualties, and infighting with other Magical Girls, at 35%. The remaining 4% of deaths can all be attributed to other fatal methods.'
Everyone present, including me, had to suppress winces and noises of discomfort, to varying degrees of success. I'd known the system was a shit-show, but I hadn't thought that it was that terrible. The witch issue was understandable, sure, but the infighting? Especially when it was responsible for over a third of all deaths? It was practically unthinkable.
At the same time, however, it wasn't shocking in the least.
"Okay…" I muttered after a bit. "That, ah, may have been a little overkill. Um…"
"Yeeeeah." At long last, the blue-haired Best Buddy became vocal. "You really didn't need to dig into the nitty-gritty there, Kyubey. I mean, the thought's appreciated, but…" She glanced over at Madoka, who had definitely taken that information the hardest. "Maybe don't go that far next time, all right?"
I got the distinct impression of a shrug from the cabbit. 'I merely deemed it prudent to fully inform you of the specifics. But if you would rather I didn't, then I will refrain from doing so in the future.'
I blinked.
...oh, you little Caerbannog fuck. Well, congratulations, me. You played yourself.
Honestly, I really should've expected it to pull shit like this. Wordplay and clever obfuscation of useful truths was almost literally its bread and butter. But it didn't stop me from feeling like the white stain had shoved a knife in my gut, ripped it out, then popped the cap off a saltshaker and dumped the contents all over the open wound.
Bloody hell, that stings somethin' fierce.
Predictably, both of the freshies were none the wiser. "Right, thanks. Anyway, uh..." Sayaka turned towards me, taking interest in my personage all of a sudden. "I, don't mean to be rude or anything, but– who are you, exactly?"
Madoka had a moment of realization (or more likely just pounced on the subject change like a starving predator). "Oh, that's right! You two don't know each other, heh…"
"Well, why don't we introduce ourselves?" Mami finally popped back in, effortlessly balancing a stack of plates with a cake on top in one hand and a full tea set in the other, utterly oblivious to the darker vibes that had filled the room just moments before. "I must admit, I'm quite curious myself as to who you might be."
"Actually, could we hold off on that for a sec?" Sayaka looked like she was trying not to drool. "I wanna focus on enjoying your amazing cooking, Mami!"
The chef laughed. "Yes, I suppose it would be a good idea to nip any potential messes in the bud. I do remember Madoka telling me about your tendency to talk with your mouth full."
A shadow fell over the blue-haired girl's eyes. "She did what?" Her head slowly turned to face her frozen bestie, whose pupils had shrunk to pinpricks and now bore an incredibly strained smile on her face. "Madoka…"
"Y-yeah…?" I don't know how she did it, but it felt like I saw a bunch of sweat streams suddenly start rolling down her head.
Sayaka's face was locked into that wide-eyed, slightly frowning, utterly terrifying mask of calm fury that we've all seen at some point in our lives. "Did you spill my secrets behind my back?" It was almost as if her eyes were shining with the promise of swift retribution. "That wasn't very wife material of you, Madoka."
"I'm sorry!" The girl cried out. "It's just-!"
She stopped when her aggressor started chuckling, banishing the menacing aura she'd developed. "Nah, I'm just pulling your leg. I actually think that's one of the reasons we work so well together, y'know? You keep me leashed, and I keep you out of danger."
Madoka heaved a sigh of relief. "Thanks. But, jeez… don't scare me like that."
With that cleared up, Sayaka slapped her hands together. "Right, then! Let's eat!"
Without further ado, we dug in.
I'm gonna say this now—that cake definitely ranks among the best I've ever tasted. The tea... less so, but I was always more of a soda person anyway. It was still good, mind you, just not suited for my preferences.
Finishing her meal was apparently the last thing Madoka's brain needed to make the connection for something important. "Wait a minute. Audrey, didn't we need to use my phone to translate so we could talk to each other last time?"
If my reaction to that was any more violent, I probably would have choked on something. Thankfully, I had always been rather reserved. "Oh, uh… yeah. Yeah, we did."
It was easy for her to pick up on the obvious fact that something wasn't adding up. "So, if that's true, then how did you get this good at speaking Japanese so fast? You sound so much like a native that it's kind of scaring me a little."
'That would be my doing,' Kyubey cut in. 'She requested that I give her a translator in exchange for making her more open to the idea of making a contract. Of course, thanks to certain outside circumstances, she was forced to become a Magical Girl before she was able to receive it, but she clearly appreciates it regardless.'
Mami decided it was time to rerail the conversation back to its original path. "In any case, what say we get on with the introductions? I, for one, can't wait to find out more about our new recruit."
Sayaka agreed. "Me too. Having a second opinion's always nice."
Madoka gave her assent with a nod and an "mm-hm!"
"All right then, here we go," I said to myself before clearing my throat. "Hey, everyone. My name's Audrey Erryn. Seventeen years old, and currently in my senior year of high school. I clock in at five-foot ten and a half, which if I remember correctly is around 179 centimeters for you metric system weirdos. Born and raised a little ways north of San Diego in good ol' California, Golden State of the USA." My right hand came up in a lazy, loose two-finger salute that I paired with a wink. "Pleased to meet you all."
The blue bull folded her arms. "A bona-fide American, huh? Guess that explains the height difference." Her head turned to Madoka with a grin. "Hundred yen says that she's taller than your dad?"
"Sayaka, please…" the pinker sighed.
I simply shrugged. "Eh, what can I say? Puberty sure didn't pull any punches."
Sayaka's mouth instantly reflected itself horizontally into a frown as she slumped forward. "And there goes my good mood. Seriously, can't I go at least a week without hearing about that? Mom and Dad hype it up enough already." All of a sudden, she perked up like a lightbulb had flicked on inside her head. "Hey, Audrey! Any advice?"
I stayed silent for a moment as I sucked in a breath through my teeth, averting my eyes as I did so. When I did finally answer, I had a feeling it wasn't what she wanted to hear. "...good luck. You're gonna need it."
"Oh, what?!" Indignance flushed through her expression. "Come on! Not even a little hint?"
An attempt was made to hide my amusement. The attempt was not as successful as it could have been. "You'll have to excuse me for being a little vindictive. I didn't have the best experience with it." My grin became a little less malicious. "And even if I was willing to offer advice, I doubt it'd do much. We're two different people—what worked for me may not work for you. Besides, when it's over, we can bond over complaining about how much it sucked."
Her mental bulb burned out, she was left to petulantly stare at the table and pout. All of a sudden, though, another spark of hope ignited inside her. "Wait, Mami! What about you? You look like someone with experience in that whole thing!"
I had to slap a hand over my mouth as my sides nearly left the troposphere from that one. It took a few moments and a look from the blonde that could have been construed as disapproving to get my wheezing laughter to die down to a manageable level. "Sorry, sorry, very sorry. But, I mean…" I let my eyes roam around on her, pointedly fixating them on one specific area in particular with a raised eyebrow before looking back up. "Is she wrong?"
"...no," she eventually admitted with a sigh, deliberately massaging her temples in the process. "Trust me, I'm very well aware of my outward appearance. Sayaka is nowhere near the first person to make that kind of assumption, and I have no doubts that she won't be the last." Shaking her head, she turned back to the blue-haired girl with an apologetic expression on her face. "Unfortunately, I don't think I'll be much help in this matter, either. As much as I hate to say it, there are some things in this world that can only be done on one's own."
Sealing the bull's fate left her whining pitifully with her head on the table. Madoka, saint that she was, attempted to comfort her by rubbing circles into her back. "Aw, Sayaka… cheer up! I'll be there with you every step of the way. I mean, if nothing else, we'll suffer together, right?"
This only succeeded in having Sayaka make even more pitiable noises.
Seeing as how her bestie wasn't really in a position to talk at the moment, the pinker decided to go back to how the conversation originally started. "Well, anyway, you already know me. I'm Madoka Kaname, fourteen years old and a second-year at Mitakihara Middle School. It's great to see you again, Audrey."
"Feeling's mutual, pinky." I nodded, before glancing at her companion, who was recovering nicely. "I assume this is one of your friends?"
"Best friend, actually," said companion answered for her, finally raising her head back up. "Heya. Sayaka Miki's the name, bodyguarding's the game. I'd like to think I'm pretty good at it, too. I can hardly remember a time where we had a problem in all the years I've been Madoka's shield."
"Oh, so you're saying you forgot all those times where you got into trouble because you went overboard trying to keep me safe, is that it?" The girl in question put her hands on her hips, then turned her head away with a noise that would've sounded affronted if it weren't for how she was also trying to hold in a laugh at the same time. "Fine, then. I see how it is."
"Wait, Madoka, nooooo!" The sea-head reacted in an obviously overblown fashion, dramatically reaching her hands out towards her faux-scorned friend. "You know I didn't mean it like that! Come baaaack!"
A bit more carrying on in that manner eventually won Madoka over. "Mmm, all right. I can't say no to that face." She turned around, allowing the two to share an almost sickeningly sweet 'reunion,' and there was much rejoicing.
I happened to glance over at Mami while they were going at it, who was doing a pretty good (but not perfect) job at hiding a look of almost desperate longing. Seeing this, I thought it might be prudent to distract her with a quip. "Y'know, I'm kinda starting to hope that I never have to babysit like this in the future. I don't know how you can deal with this for more than ten minutes at a time."
Addressing her snapped her out of her funk, and she responded quickly. "Ah, it's really not as bad as it looks. They can be a handful, but I've had lots of practice with their type." Unfortunately, said response also happened to trigger another set of certain memories, causing her to return to her prior state and me to discreetly wince and suck in a breath upon witnessing it.
...damn it. Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut.
"Mami?" Apparently, I was not the only one who could see her distress, as Madoka now had a face of concern directed at the blonde. "Are you okay?"
Hopefully, the pinker would have better luck, as Mami's attention was successfully drawn. "Oh, no, I'm fine, don't worry. I was simply… reminiscing, that's all." She waved it off, a smile slipping back into place. "Now, I believe I was up next?"
We all nodded, giving her the go-ahead. "In that case, good day to you, miss Erryn. My name is Mami Tomoe, veteran Magical Girl and stewardess of Mitakihara City." She gave a classy little sitting bow. "I consider it a duty and an honor to ensure that the city and the people within are kept as far away from harm as possible."
Do you really? I'd say it seems like more of a curse.
"Huh. You definitely look the part of the gold standard." 'Look' being the operative word there. "I'd say the hair really sells the image."
Mami laughed lightly in response, taking a moment to straighten a few strands at the attention. "Why, thank you! I will admit, some days it feels impossible to find the time to maintain it. But I firmly believe that you should never forget to take care of yourself."
At this, I sighed. "And just like that, you're already a better person than I am."
"Now, now," she chided, "none of that. It really doesn't take much to better yourself, you know? All you need is just a little bit of effort, every single day. Give it time, and you'll find yourself doing some amazing things soon enough. Take me, for example!"
Holding up her Soul Gem, she conjured up a single yellow ribbon. "I wasn't always this strong, believe it or not. When I first became a Magical Girl, these ribbons were all I had to fight with. As I'm sure you can imagine, they were great for binding and trapping things, and unfortunately not much else." She dangled the strand, flopping it around uselessly.
"But I worked with them, and with each battle I survived, I learned a little more about them—their strengths, their limits, and the vast array of little advantages they could give me against the forces of darkness. Then, when I started applying a little outside-the-box thinking, I found I could approach combat with my ribbons in ways nobody else could." The fabric extended outwards, snaking around the table and grabbing hold of dishes and silverware alike, lifting and depositing them into a neat pile in front of Mami.
"As my control grew," she continued, "I discovered that I could make more complex constructs with them. The idea to create actual weapons by weaving thousands of tiny ribbons together with a little enchantment glue didn't take long to hit me after I realized that. And so, after months and months of day-to-day brainstorming, researching, testing, failure, and a massive amount of practice..."
The ribbon stretched up, split apart, twisted around, and wrapped itself into her iconic musket before our very eyes, amid mutters of awe. "My new signature armament was born."
Mami set the weapon down next to her, standing it on its barrel. "So, fear not. Some tasks may seem so large that they appear insurmountable at first glance, but if you simply take the time to scale the wall just a bit more every day…" A tiny ribbon doll appeared, inching its way up the gun before standing up at the end of the stock. "You'll eventually find yourself at the top of the world."
Madoka and Sayaka took a moment to clap at the performance, and I couldn't help but join in. I could see that kind of speech doing wonders for a lot of people.
Too bad I'm not one of them.
"That's… pretty optimistic of you," I said after the applause died down. "Matter of fact, you might be the only person I know who's actually stuck with it."
The props unraveled, and quickly disappeared into the ether. "Yes, it's certainly much easier said than done. But when your life, and the lives of others are on the line, you tend to find that it's preferable to the alternatives."
"True." If I didn't know better, I'd say this was fate bending reality to give me a few tips for the road ahead. "Guess I'd better shape up, then. No pressure, right?"
"You'll be fine, Audrey." If nothing else, she had faith. "I believe in you."
It took a moment to respond. "...if you say so." My head dipped in a nod. "Thanks."
Mami shook her head. "It's no trouble. I'm just doing the right thing."
"Well, damn. Humble, motherly, sensible, and all-around badass." I smirked, glancing at Sayaka. "Looks like the little guard dog's got competition."
A brief moment of confusion passed before her expression morphed into one of shocked horror when she realized I might have a point. She looked at Mami again, which seemed to convince her that I really did have a point, and leaned towards Madoka, protectively wrapping her arms around the girl's shoulders. "Oi," she warned, voice trembling unsteadily. "Hands off my bride, alright? She's mine, got it?"
"Oh, I could never!" The blonde held her hands up in front with a slight blush. "I'd hate to get in the way of what you already have there. It seems wonderful!"
The bull wasn't convinced yet, however. "Madoka, tell me you won't do it. Tell me!"
Madoka, much too pure to sigh or roll her eyes, simply laid a hand on her overdramatic friend's arm. "Sayaka. It's okay. Don't worry about it."
"Oh thank god," Sayaka breathed out, slumping over in relief. "Whew. Yeah, no way. It'd never work out between you two anyhow. You're both too sweet, y'know?" She grinned, pinching a thumb and forefinger together. "You wouldn't have that spicy kick that every relationship needs to really get going. You ask me, I'd say you'd have better luck with someone a little more feisty."
The blush on Mami's face deepened. "Ah, w-well, that's-"
"Like, saaaay…" The blueberry's eyes performed a token sweep of the room, before landing on me. Despite my quick shake of the head and a glare that screamed 'don't,' I was powerless to stop what happened next. "Our sassy newcomer here?"
My glare went flat. "We have literally known each other for all of– what, twenty minutes? Twenty-five?" I hadn't been paying much attention to the clock. "That's barely enough time to call ourselves acquaintances, let alone friends." Had I been paying attention, I would've seen Mami's smile slide right off her face.
"You're saying you haven't seen all the sparks flying between both of you?" Sayaka's grin widened, becoming that much more shit-eating. "C'mon, you can't tell me that her dropping in from above to save you like some kind of angel from heaven didn't get your heart racing!"
"Okay, one, I had a gun pointed at my head," I shot back. "I'm pretty sure my heart rate was already going nuts by that point. Two, I don't remember you being there when she stepped in. For all you know, she could've snuck up behind the girl and taken her down like a rip-off of Black Widow or something."
"You're kidding, right?" Incredulousity began creeping in. "Have you seen her Magical Girl outfit? All that white, the jewel, and that hair? She's practically the closest thing to a modern Sailor Moon that we'll ever get to see!"
My eyebrow popped up. "So she's going to commit suicide, twice, for a guy that hardly does anything for her besides look good?"
It was rather amazing how quickly her grin flipped itself over. "Crystal was terrible and you know it. And if I hear one word about it having manga superiority-"
"Season three," I countered.
Sayaka suddenly found herself without wind for her sails. "...damn it."
"Yeah." My finger went up. "Lesson of the day: first impressions can be misleading. You never know if the dick that knocked you over's actually a normal guy who just found out that his grandma died. Or if the overly happy, clingy project partner that's attached herself to you is actually just an insane stalker bent on locking you in some underground basement and doing things a bit too R-18 to discuss in a room full of teenagers."
Or if the animated plushie who says he wants to grant wishes and save the world actually just wants to exploit underage girls for energy to stop the universe from burning out in about a couple trillion years.
The blue bull snorted. "Uh-huh, right. And maybe the jerk transfer student who attacked you in broad daylight's really just a sweet girl who has a hard time expressing herself or something stupid like that."
I blinked.
Uh.
My eyes slid away, and I moved a hand to scratch my neck. Refusing to validate her rhetorical statement quickly turned Sayaka's derision into disbelief.
"You're messing with me," she flatly denied. "This is just you trying to get a rise out of me, right? Right?!"
"I mean…"
"No." This was probably going to get a little heated. "No way. I can believe some pretty far out-there stuff, but this? This is where I draw the line. You cannot tell me, after everything she's done, that she isn't a total bitch who only cares about getting more Grief Seeds."
Madoka had the look of someone who wanted to step in, but was afraid they'd either do nothing or make things worse. So I did it for her. "You said she's a transfer student, didn't you? How long have you known her?"
"Long enough to figure out she's bad news!" If that wasn't a sign that she'd made her mind up prematurely, I didn't know what was. "Didn't you say something about her pointing an actual gun at you? Audrey, you of all people should know what I'm talking about here!"
Of course, it wouldn't stop me from trying to change her perspective anyway. "Hey, lots of people end up doing the wrong thing for the right reasons. She wouldn't shut up about how she was trying to help me, which sounds like a pretty obvious sign that she's not a completely rotten egg to me."
"Now I know you're insane!" The blueberry looked like she wanted to strangle me for the crime of excessive idiocy. "Only a loon could hear that and think it's not a lie!"
"So you're saying that I should listen to the FNG who barely knows anything about the system, and not the clearly-veteran Magical Girl who's been living in it for years?"
"No!" She stuttered, running through the question again. "Yes! I– damn it, Audrey, that's not the point!"
"Is it?" I leaned in close. "Because you sound an awful lot like someone who was biased against her the moment you two met, and took the chance to justify that bias the instant you got one, without even considering the idea that she might not be a heartless asshole."
"Ohh, you-!"
Our verbal spar was cut short when Mami decided that she'd seen enough. "Girls, girls! I welcome a little healthy debate, but please, keep it civil!"
We glanced at her, then back at each other, before we both decided that she was right and that this wasn't worth it. But, of course, neither of us could resist trying to get the last word in.
"Still think you're crazy," Sayaka huffed.
"If ignoring a crappy first impression to figure out what someone's really like is crazy, then I don't wanna be sane." I sighed, rubbing my eyes. "Look. I'm not asking you to flip your whole deal around. Feel free to be as much of a skeptic as you like. But this is the real world, and the real world's nowhere near as cut-and-dry as most Magical Girl stuff would have you believe."
Sitting back up, my hands went about adjusting my hair. "All I want you to do is just… try and give her the benefit of the doubt, y'know? If she does end up turning out like you think she is, then we'll make sure she gets hers and that'll be that. But if she doesn't, and proves you wrong…" I flashed her a challenging smirk. "Do you really want to risk hearing 'I told you so' from me?"
Sayaka's first instinct was to argue. Her second instinct pulled the first back by its neckline and gave it a concussion with a bat of sense, telling her to back off. "I guess not." She turned to check on Madoka, who was looking much calmer now that the conflict had blown over, and let a smile slide on despite herself. "It's already bad enough coming from the purest girl in the world. If I got it from you, I don't think I could take it."
My smirk softened in approval. Expecting this to do anything of note would be horribly optimistic, but then again, it was the little things that often ended up making all the difference. Only time would tell if that rang true here, though. For now, I could only pray.
Having just dealt with a load of a subject, nobody complained when the conversation veered towards less heavy topics next, both informative and inane. It went from quality-of-life tips, to a quick barebones introduction to item enchantment when the subject of Sayaka's bat incidentally came up, which then drifted towards the shape dormant Soul Gems took and how to modify them from the default ring for a time (though most didn't see much of a reason to change it, including me), before leading towards the topic of telepathy.
As it turned out, meguca could actually talk to each other on private channels not fostered by the Coobmeister, although its range was limited as a result. To provide a comparison, it was basically the equivalent of a tin can telephone network that could extend about as long as a Soul Gem could go before getting disconnected from its host, as in approximately 100 meters. Which was actually pretty far, being a little longer than a whole football field, but it became a bit more reasonable when considering the city-typical size of Mitakihara.
For anything involving muggles or more long-distance calls though, incubator mediation was required. Inconvenient, but nothing a smart application of text messages couldn't fix. Of course, trusting the cabbit not to monitor our phones was likely a pitfall, but there was an argument to be made for it respecting our privacy to a certain degree.
Speaking of phones, this had the side effect of causing Sayaka to remember that neither she nor Madoka had gotten Mami's number yet, which led to all of us exchanging them. One more issue taken care of before it could become a problem.
From there, we shifted gears to what could be considered more as shooting the breeze than actual topics of substance. Somewhere along the way, the possible impact of local law enforcement in the affairs of meguca came up, and led to the following highlight.
"I really doubt they'd do much," Sayaka was saying. "I mean, come on, Madoka. Remember all the loads of old Magical Girl anime we used to watch? How many of those had the cops actually do something useful?"
Madoka, being Madoka, wasn't exactly a fan of that line of thinking. "Sayaka, you can't just assume that reality will follow the same rules as anime. We don't know if the justice system can't handle the same things Magical Girls can!"
"Ehh…" I decided to give my two cents. "Actually, Madoka, I'm gonna have to go with Sayaka on this one. Like, you've seen what witches can do to ordinary people, right?" Honestly, the fact that I'd somehow avoided getting Kissed by Gertrud was a nigh-unbelievable stroke of luck in and of itself. "And what about rogue contractors? Look at Mami here." I hooked a thumb at the blonde in question. "I remember hearing something about how her fighting style puts a Touhou game to shame in terms of bullet hell potential. Now, keep all that in mind, and say to my face that a bunch of blue suits with peashooters can really do anything against them."
Try as she might, the pinker could not find any substantial evidence to counter my argument, and conceded defeat with a sigh.
"There's a smart girl," I nodded. "The last thing any potential recruit needs is a lack of common sense." My index finger came up to point at the girl sitting next to her. "That goes for you, too."
"Yeah, yeah, I hear you." The bull rolled her eyes. "Police are useless, what else is new?"
A rhetorical question deserved a rhetorical answer, and I obliged. "Uh-huh. In other news, people still die when they're killed, fun things are still fun, and the floor is in fact still made out of floor. More at eleven."
The slightly non-sequitur quip got a choked-back laugh out of Mami and an outright fountain of giggles from Sayaka, much to Madoka's chagrin.
Looking back, that was probably the first time I'd ever actively engaged in a conversation with more than one person for such a long time. Even with my parents and younger brother, in all my years spent living with them, I had never been this talkative. I knew very well that I was an introvert by nature, but something about this group had managed to coax me out of my shell and get me to enjoy the pleasures of simple conversation in just one meeting.
Small wonder that I'd go to the lengths I would to keep them alive.
All good things must come to an end though, as Mami eventually reminded us after peeking at her clock. "Madoka, Sayaka, you said your parents didn't want you coming home too late, right?"
"Eh?" Sayaka blinked, before taking her phone out and checking the time for herself, cringing at the display. "Oh, jeez, you're right. Where'd all that time we had run off to?"
I shrugged. "I dunno. Ask Einstein, maybe?"
"Hardy har har," she bit out with a roll of her eyes while she got up. "Stupid relativity never lets me have any fun…"
Madoka followed suit, causing the rest of us to stand and start moving towards the door. "Thanks again for your cooking, Mami! It was delicious!"
"Well, I certainly do try my best." The veteran waved the praise away. "To tell the truth, I would like to pursue the craft more, but alas. Witch hunting waits for no Magical Girl."
"Really? That's a shame," I lamented. "That cake of yours is already up there next to good beef on my list of favorite foods. And I don't even like regular cake!" Pausing, I considered the dilemma a bit more. "Actually, on second thought, maybe it's for the best. If you're already this good, I shudder to think about what a dish from a more experienced you would do to me."
"Shokugeki no Soma?" Sayaka posited.
My fingers snapped. "Yeah, exactly like- wait." My head swiveled towards her. "How do you know what that means?"
The bull suddenly realized what she'd let slip, and her eyes widened, irises shooting in every direction but mine. "Ah-uhh… umm..."
I squinted at her for a time, letting her sweat it out a bit more, before backing off. "Eh, whatever. To each their own, I suppose. Lord knows I'd be chucking stones from a glass house if I started judging now."
"Either way," Mami continued, "it's always a pleasure having you two over. Do be careful on your way back, all right?"
Madoka bowed, Sayaka following after she recovered. "We will!" Opening the door, they made to exit, stage left. "We'll see you tomorrow, won't we?"
"I should hope so!" Her attention shifted to the cabbit. "You know the drill, Kyubey."
'I'll get in touch if anything irregular happens, yes,' he reassured. 'Goodnight, Mami, Audrey.'
But I wasn't about to let it slip through my fingers quite yet. "Actually, could you stick around outside for a bit? I kinda want to talk to you about a little something after I finish up with Miss Mentor here."
You'd think it'd be able to recognize a pattern by now like it had at the mall, but nope. The dumbass took the bait hook, line and sinker. 'I can do that. Madoka?'
"Feel free!" The pinky let him down with a smile. "Should we say goodbye, then?"
I hummed, then shook my head. "Nah, shouldn't take too much time. With any luck, he'll be back on your shoulder before you get home."
"Okay, then!" She offered a small wave. "Take care!"
More of the same followed, until at last the door shut, sealing the apartment and leaving Mami and I to talk shop.
"All right, now…" I began, traces of newbie uncertainty creeping into my voice. "I'm a completely fresh face when it comes to stuff like this, so I'll defer to your judgement. How are we gonna do this whole co-op thing?"
She thought heavily on that for a minute. "Well… I've been taking the potentials out on trial witch hunts to get them acclimatized to the kinds of things they can expect to encounter as Magical Girls. I don't think it would be much of an issue for you to tag along with us." Her lips dropped into a contemplative frown. "Of course, I'd prefer it if I could get a proper feel for your skillset and draft up some basic plans for teamwork in the field based on that before we go anywhere near a labyrinth. But some exercises are better taught live, and we also have to worry about Miss Akemi causing trouble." Those golden yellow irises locked onto mine. "Unless you would prefer a trial by fire?"
It was hardly much of a choice. "I'll take the option that doesn't involve my flesh getting burnt to a crisp even more than it already is, thank you very much."
"I had a feeling you would say that," she chuckled. "When are you free?"
The question made me snort. "Mami, I'm on vacation. I've got about five whole weeks and change left to spend on doing whatever the hell I want before I have to fly back to Cali. As long as your schedule isn't filled to bursting for something like a month and a half, we can get it done whenever you have a free period of your own."
The light in her eyes dimmed ever so slightly when I reminded her of my time limit. "Ah… right, yes, that's true." She covered it up well, though. "I suppose this is one of those rare times where I get to be thankful that I've been trimming the fat on my commitments to make room for my duties as the city's protector, then." She pulled out and fiddled with her phone a bit, presumably checking her calendar. "I might even be able to squeeze you in for tomorrow, actually."
"Works for me," I assented. "Gimme a ping once you manage to lock down a time, yeah?"
"Gotcha." Back into her pocket the device went, a grin slowly forming on her face. "I must say, it's been a while since I last had a partner. You'll have to forgive me if I get a little too excited."
My head shook good-naturedly. "Hey, I don't blame you one bit. I'm actually feeling kinda pumped, myself. It may not be permanent, but, well, nothing in life ever is, so we've just gotta make the most of it while we have the chance, right?"
Pretty words, there. Probably wouldn't need to be pretty if I believed them.
"Yes…" She nodded slowly, mulling over the notion, then faster when she found she liked it. "Yes, that's exactly right."
"Aces." I straightened up, holding out my hand with a smile. "Would it be cliché of me to say that I think this is the start of a beautiful relationship?"
She took the offering with an equal expression of happiness. "Not at all, Audrey. Not at all."
And with that, it was time for me to leave the building.
Kyubey, true to his word (for once), was sitting right outside, and fell into step behind me when I flicked my head towards the alley I'd nearly died in not an hour or so before.
Once we were enclosed by concrete and drywall on both sides, the incubator spoke up. 'What did you need to know, Audrey?'
My pupils glanced at it for a brief second. "Oh, it's a small thing, really…"
I trailed off, before pivoting on my heel and lunging, snapping the bastard up by the neck quick and clean—a stark contrast to what I had in store for him.
"Just how much this is going to hurt," I finished, a bloodthirsty slasher smile stretching across my face.
DING!
Kyubey Owned Count: 8.
A/N: You thought the labyrinth would be what Mami would be saving Audrey from, BUT IT WAS HER, HOMURA!
Hoo, boy, just about 12,000 words. Even among my other stories, this one's an outlier in sheer length. Speaking of my other stories (ha ha look shameless plug oho ho), if you like self-inserts, you'll feel right at home with my other works, even if pretty much all of them are on hold right now. Except for maybe the RWBY one. But make sure to check the rewrite of that one, not the original. 'Cause that one's garbage. But if you can't get enough of unfinished insert-fics (you little masochist, you) and like Fire Emblem or Konosuba, feel free to check my profile.
Anyway, say hello to the rest of the main cast! Er, minus Kyoko, obviously, but don't worry, she'll get her time in the limelight. But moving right along, I hope I got them all… not right, 'cause I don't wanna get too big of a head, but close enough. Stuff like speech patterns and vocabulary were aspects I had to keep a close eye on to keep everyone in-character. I have to say though, Sayaka in particular was kind of a sleeper hit in terms of how much fun I had writing her, especially her whole back-and-forth bits with both Madoka and Audrey. Too bad that most of it ended in her getting the short end of the stick. I guess it doesn't matter what universe you're in; any way you slice it, being Sayaka is suffering.
The Homura fight though, whoof. Bloody thing's gone through three separate iterations and even more little sub-variations at this point, but I think I'm finally satisfied with this one. Compared to the others, this version makes it much more obvious that Homura is the better fighter and outclasses Audrey in just about every way that matters, save for size. The only reason Audrey even got a few shots in at all was because Homura went into the fight blind to her unique power, and once Audrey exhausted the advantage that gave her, she had basically nothing else to throw at Homu that she couldn't counter. Second lesson of the day—you do not fuck with the Akeminator.
Oh, and yes, in case you forgot, the Kyubey Owned Count is still a thing. Aside from that though, I think we're done for now. Next time, I get to flex my creative muscles a bit and build a labyrinth for a witch that currently only has a few concept art pieces and some production notes to her name.
See y'all on Tuesday, I guess!