Ethereal Moon, Day 26, Imperial Year 1186
Byleth stood in the small cemetery in Garreg Mach. Today was to be a very trying day.
It had been seven years to the day since her father, Jeralt Eisner, was killed by Kronya, one of those who slither in the dark. Despite her best efforts to prevent it with Sothis' Divine Pulse power, her efforts were for naught and Jeralt was laid to rest beside his late wife, Sitri. It was one of the few genuinely nice things Rhea had done for the family without any sign of ulterior motive.
Despite how much time had passed for the world around her, for Byleth herself, it had only been just over a single year since Jeralt's passing, and the confusion and disorientation of awakening to find her students waging bloody war with one other had distracted her from the previous anniversary.
But now, the war was over. Dimitri and Rhea were dead, the Alliance dissolved, and those that had performed their wicked, inhumane experiments on Byleth's now-wife had been annihilated. All that remained for Byleth to focus on was the absence of the man who had raised her.
Edelgard stood some distance away, at the top of the steps leading down to the cemetery. She told herself that she was simply giving Byleth some space for a while to mourn in private, and she told anyone who asked the same. But the reality was that Edelgard was afraid. Like Byleth, the war had left Edelgard little time to contemplate Jeralt's death. She would have Alois or Dorothea pay the grave respect on her behalf each year while she remained focused on the war. But much like her wife, this year left her with no distractions from the knowledge that was tearing her apart inside.
She stood in silence as she watched Alois approach Byleth. He was probably the best person to be with her right now, given his own father-child-esque relationship with the late captain. She was glad beyond words that Alois had survived the war and remained with the Empire long enough to be reunited with Byleth as allies. Leonie had, of course, sided with the Alliance and accused Byleth of betraying her father's memory when the two clashed in Myrddin. Byleth had spared Leonie's life and offered her a place in the Empire, but Leonie had slapped her hand aside and fled the field. Her whereabouts since were unknown.
Bernadetta stopped briefly to greet Edelgard as she made her own way down to the gravesite. Bernadetta was another of those to regularly pay respects at Jeralt's grave. She had done so alongside Byleth soon after the funeral, and had continued to do so every year on the anniversary, "because the professor isn't here to do it." Edelgard was sure Byleth's heart would have swelled with pride if she had heard that and been able to witness the eternal shut-in become more bold and confident with each passing year. Of course, the reminder of Byleth's absence had always left her a blubbering mess in need of consoling. Dorothea was always the best at that, but even Linhardt had managed to successfully console her the one year Dorothea was away.
Right now, Bernadetta was in much higher spirits as she stood beside Byleth who, in turn, seemed grateful for her company. Of course, any reminder of her success as an educator and parental figure of sorts would lift her spirits; it lifted Edelgard's a little, and she'd had nothing to do with it.
More and more people came through to pay their respects as Edelgard watched. Many of these people had never met Jeralt, or had done so only once or twice. Edelgard suspected the real reason so many of them were here was for his orphaned child, rather than the man himself. After all, today being Byleth's first real experience with an anniversary of her father's death was hardly a difficult thing to realise. And Edelgard was happy to see so many people here to comfort Byleth. It meant she would have plenty of options for comfort once Edelgard came clean...
Once the crowd had thinned out, Alois and Bernadetta being the last to leave Byleth's side, Edelgard took a deep breath, plucked up her courage, and headed down the steps to stand by her wife's side.
"I was wondering when you'd join me," Byleth said, her tone slightly comedic, but lacking the energy of a proper quip.
"You knew it was me?" Edelgard questioned, noting that Byleth's head had remained down and her eyes closed the entire time.
"I know your gait," Byleth responded with a smile that seemed forced. It seemed that she was trying to engage in some fun banter, but the dourness of the day made that difficult for her.
"I see. That makes me happy in a... strange way, B-Byleth." Even after seven months of happy marriage, Edelgard still felt strange using her wife's name. For so long, she had been 'Professor' and 'My Teacher', but she no longer held that position. Save for the occasional roleplay or slippage in the heat of the moment, she was simply 'Byleth'. "Well, I was here, just... Th-There were a lot of people and s-someone had to co-ordinate and..." She trailed off as she was sure Byleth didn't buy a word of it, even if she gave no sign of that.
Silence reigned for a while. Both prayed to the goddess for Jeralt. Edelgard had taken a firm anti-goddess stance for much of her life, but Byleth opening up to her about Sothis' support, including her ability to save Edelgard that first night they met without dying herself, had led to quite the shift in her thinking. While not nearly on the level of one such as Marianne or Mercedes, Edelgard could now be considered a devout believer and follower of Sothis, who had delivered the love of her life unto her time and time again.
"You seem troubled," Byleth observed, looking up from her father's grave to fix her wife with a concerned gaze.
Edelgard averted her eyes. "I am. It... It is not easy to admit, but... There is something I must speak with... someone about. But, I worry about the impact this discussion will have on my relationship with them. They are someone I do not wish to upset, nor to lose from my life. But I see no way that what I have to say will not irreversibly damage our relationship."
"That's quite a conundrum..." Byleth replied thoughtfully. "How much do you trust this person?"
"With my life!" Edelgard answered instantly and honestly, forgetting for a moment that Byleth was not knowingly asking about herself. "W-We fought in the war together, after all," she added quickly to hide her embarrassment.
"That makes sense. The Black Eagles always were rather tightly-knit. If you trust someone that strongly, doesn't that mean you trust your friendship just as much? Do you really think whatever it is you have to tell them will be enough to break a bond that strong?"
"I like to think it wouldn't... But the reality of the situation is that I have committed a grave injustice against... this person. I would like nothing more than to take this thing to my grave, but they deserve more from me. They deserve to know what I have done to them."
Byleth had that thoughtful look on her face again, as if she was trying to figure out what Edelgard could have done to leave her in this state when contemplating the consequences. "Well, these people followed you to war for a cause they knew would be demonised by the Church and the general populace. Whatever it is you did, I'm sure you've... well, done worse in the name of this peace."
"The world may think so, but to me, this is far worse."
"I understand that you've wronged someone you care about, but what could you possibly-"
"I knew about Monica!" Edelgard suddenly exclaimed, unable to hold it back any longer. Byleth was shocked to silence as Edelgard elaborated. "I knew Thales was holding the real Monica captive to kill her and have Kronya take her place. I knew long before she revealed herself. I knew and I let it happen. I allowed them to murder an innocent young woman to use her face to infiltrated the monastery. I allowed it so that I could have that group as my ally at their strongest. And because of that, Kronya was able to get close to your father and..."
Edelgard broke down in tears before she could finish the sentence, but the implication was clear to Byleth.
"B-Because of my..." Edelgard gasped out between breaths. "I'm so sorry, Byleth... I can't... tell you how..."
Byleth fully turned away from Edelgard now, her face out of view to her lover. "I..." Byleth uttered with a heartbreakingly shaky and uncertain tone. "Thank you for telling me this, Edelgard. ...But I... I can't even look at you right now."
Without another word, Byleth quickly marched up the steps. The signature clacking of her heels on the stone quickly faded into nothingness, and it felt like the entire monastery had gone silent.
In the near year since the war ended, Edelgard and Byleth had moved to Enbarr, the historic capital of Adrestia. Edelgard had tossed around the idea of relocating the capital to Garreg Mach, partially as a sign of peaceful intent for the now practically defunct Leicester and Faerghus, and also because she deemed the centre of the nation a more logical place for the capital to be situated. Each of the three former capitals would remain as key cities, of course, governing their respective regions under the commands of three trusted retainers who had yet to be selected, but Lorenz's name had come up for Derdriu and Ferdinand's for Adrestia.
For the duration of their stay back here, both Edelgard and Byleth's wartime domiciles were maintained but unoccupied, allowing the two to choose either room on a per-night basis during visits to the monastery. Ferdinand had been left in command of the monastery for now, making strides towards the reopening of the academy and making acceptance affordable, and eventually free once Fódlan had financially recovered from the war.
Byleth was on her way back to her own room, but opted to take the long way around, partly because Alois was talking with Bernadetta near the most direct route, but also to get some last minute fresh air before she locked herself away in her room for the remainder of her stay. Fortunately, given how well-known she and her father were around Garreg Mach, seeing her crying on this day, while known to be a rare sight, would not raise any immediate alarm bells. It only made sense for a child to cry on the anniversary of a parent's death, especially given her specific history since his passing. They would simply say words of encouragement as she passed and that was as much as she could handle.
Byleth took specific routes around the monastery, turning down a different pathway or hall when she saw someone she knew, especially her former students. From the entrance hall, she made her way down towards the markets, from where she could head towards the fishing pond. Maybe she would get some light fishing in first.
These thoughts fled her mind rather quickly as she tripped on a loose flag and hit the ground hard. In all honesty, she didn't even want to get up anymore. She would be content to simply lie in the dirt and let her heart tear itself apart from all the thoughts she had been pushing aside as she crossed the grounds.
"Professor?" A familiar voice Byleth hadn't heard in almost exactly a year said her title in a surprisingly concerned tone. Byleth rolled over onto her back and confirmed that it was Leonie Pinelli, the self-proclaimed first apprentice of Jeralt, a former student of the Golden Deer house, and a former soldier of the Alliance Army. Attire aside, Leonie didn't look to have changed all that much since the two had clashed in Myrddin. Although not decked out in armour, she was still wearing her traditional orange - the colour of Jeralt's mercenaries. And her ponytail was worn down her back, rather than over her shoulder.
In her hands was a large bouquet of bright orange flowers. They were a particular kind of flower that Byleth's mother, Sitri, had loved, and so Jeralt had taken quite a liking to them too following her passing. It was only naturally that, if anyone besides Byleth knew of this specific detail, it would be the woman who had declared Byleth a traitor to her father's memory.
"Here." Leonie shifted the bouquet into one arm and held out her other hand to help Byleth up. Having just had her faith shaken to its foundation, and given their last interaction, Byleth was wary of this offer. But Leonie kept her hand extended longer than most people would have, earning her just enough trust for Byleth's hesitant hand to reach out to hers and let the young woman hoist her up to her feet. "That was, uh... quite the nasty spill you took there," she said awkwardly, looking down at Byleth's torn and dirtied stockings rather than her face.
"Leonie?" Byleth mumbled. "Why are you-?" She slapped herself on the forehead for even entertaining the idea of asking such an obvious question. "Obvious."
"Y-Yeah. I wanted to pay my respects to the captain. Edelgard- That is, Emperor Edelgard," Leonie corrected herself, trying to hold back her bitterness at the title, "offered me amnesty on the anniversary every year to do this, but... You probably think I'm stupid for not taking the chance to come here sooner..."
"Given the war and the sides, I probably would have made the same choice."
"I see. Have... Have you been to pay your respects yet? Actually, you kinda look like you have."
Byleth wiped her eyes at this comment.
"It's, uh... It's unusual to see you this emotional. Of course, it only makes sense, given... you know..."
"A lot's changed since last year. Some good, some bad. I hope it's been mostly good for you."
The way Leonie's eyes darted away briefly bore implications. "O-Oh, right. You and the Emperor got married, right? Cong..."
"You don't have to force yourself, Leonie. I appreciate the attempt, though."
"Y-Yeah... I'm sorry, I should be able to... but I can't..."
"I understand. If you want some company while you pay your respects, Alois should still be up there right now. I'm sure he'd be thrilled to see you again after all this time."
"Y-Yeah. That would be nice, I think."
"Okay. Then, I guess I'll... maybe see you around." With a small wave, Byleth turned and headed for the fishing pond.
"Professor, wait!" Leonie called out, stopping Byleth in her tracks. "Look, would you... like to go to the captain's grave with me? I know you've already been, but..."
Byleth turned around and, for the first time the entire day, she smiled.
Edelgard couldn't bring herself to smile, even when Dorothea recommended doing so to make herself feel better. She sat at a vanity in her room, pulling the corners of her mouth up into a smile, but all she achieved was making her cheeks hurt and wondering if she'd ever genuinely smile again.
"Oh, Edie," Dorothea cooed from the bed behind her. "Heartbreak is a terrible thing, but we can only push on in spite of it. You've done it before. If anyone has the strength of will to push on through, it's you."
"Tell me, Dorothea," Edelgard said to the reflection of her so-called 'friend' in the mirror before her with an explicitly bitter tone, "have any of your breakups been with someone you truly saw yourself spending the rest of your life with, or were they all as shallow as one of Sylvain's hook-ups?"
Dorothea was clearly stung by this remark, but Edelgard didn't care, nor did Dorothea allow it to drag her down. "Okay," she said, clearly trying to keep the frustration out of her voice, but not being particularly successful, in that regard. "You've got me there. But I've lost friends, you know. Not just breakups or lost contact. They died. We fought in a war for five years and they died. They're gone forever. There is nothing on this earth that I can do to see them again. Just like the professor with her father..."
While she doubted that was her intent, even after her own verbal attack against her, Edelgard's mood dropped further yet at the mention of Jeralt.
"Look, the point is, the professor has lost her last remaining relative. The man who raised her. She may consider the Black Eagles group her family, but that doesn't mean a whole lot to her right now. She feels alone and abandoned. But you are her wife! You both made a vow to spend the rest of your lives together. I was there when you made your vows and believe you me, I can tell when a person is being sincere and not just acting. And you and she were as sincere as it gets when you promised to love and to hold each other for the rest of your lives."
"You keep talking, but I've yet to see your point."
Dorothea sighed in deep frustration. She pushed herself to her feet, marched across the room and stood beside Edelgard. When Edelgard turned to face her, Dorothea's hand was already raised and came careening into the side of Edelgard's face with the force of Caspar's right hook. Edelgard was well and truly stunned.
"You see, this is your problem, Edie," Dorothea chided in the tone of a mother scolding her child. "You've always overanalysed everything, all to make sure your big plans went off as well as they possibly could. But you bottled all that emotion up inside without a real outlet. So, once the war was over and you could finally relax, you let your emotions run wild. I'm sure that was great when things were going perfectly with the professor, but now that there's some strife, it mingles with your overanalysing nature and you act like the world's about to end."
Dorothea's expression softened as Edelgard's eyes began watering. She let out another sigh, one of calm, and took a set on what little space Edelgard's seat had remaining, taking her friend's hand in hers.
"Look, sweetie. You and the professor... you're special. You've always had this air of destiny about you that made you irresistible to not follow and support all the way. And I don't just mean in your uprising and conquest - I mean your love as well. If any two people in this world were meant to be, it's you two. I know it, you know, and the professor knows it too. You're so smart and good at reading people, so if you think that you and she can't overcome this, then you're clearly not putting those gifts of yours to use." She knocked on Edelgard's forehead playfully and smiled warmly. "Just give her some space for now, and then go talk to her later tonight. Maybe take a midnight stroll under the stars and tell her how much she means to you. I know she'll come around if you approach her genuinely. I mean, that's how you managed to win her over in the first place, right?"
Edelgard said no words. Instead, she cried. Dorothea pulled her in close and held her friend until she had no tears left to cry.
Leonie placed the flowers on the grave. Not the full bouquet, though. She handed one of them to Byleth to let her place it herself. The atmosphere around them was tense. Leonie's feelings about Jeralt, his death, and Byleth's choice of side in the war were all infamous around the monastery. Even without Alois trying to encourage it, the space the two were given by everyone around them was obvious.
Leonie gave a silent prayer for Jeralt and Byleth tried to do the same, but her mind was too occupied with the tension between herself, Leonie and Edelgard to focus on praying right now.
Once Leonie was finished, she took a deep breath. "Professor?"
Byleth Looked up from her own attempts at praying and looked the seemingly conflicted Leonie in the eye.
"Look... You and I... I know he never really saw me that way, but we both looked up to Captain Jeralt the same way. He gave my life purpose and focus. He really was like a father to me, even if he tried not to be. In a way, at least from my own selfish perspective, you and I are sorta like siblings. And the way I acted towards you at Myrddin... it wasn't how siblings should treat each other... you know? I guess I was so caught up in my own feelings that I never really considered how you were handling it. You're his actual daughter, after all, and you were right there with him when... he passed. However bad I felt about it, there's no way you didn't feel worse. I looked up to Captain Jeralt, but you loved him. And yet, I still said all those horrible things to you and tried to kill you..."
By now, Leonie was fidgeting with her ponytail, holding it over her shoulder and looking at it in disgust. She produced a small dagger from her belt and used it to cut the thing off, staring at it a moment before throwing it over the side into the valley below. With her shorter hair, it was like Byleth had gone back in time to their academy days.
"I'm not worthy of considering myself his apprentice when I've done nothing but dishonour his memory..." Leonie began attempting to remove her orange attire, forcing Byleth to step in and grab her wrists.
"Leonie, stop," she said with a firmness she thought had left her. "Come with me. There's something I want to show you."
"Huh? O-Okay?"
Leonie put up no resistance as Byleth took her by the hand and dragged her all the way across the monastery and to her room. Leonie had been here a couple of times before. The first was when she came to ask about Jeralt's birthday early into the term and wound up spending the day inside, being regaled with tales of Jeralt's great deeds. The second was soon after Jeralt died and both were in need to some cheering up. Alois had brought Leonie to Byleth's room in hopes of having the two find comfort in each other's presence. They did. And Alois later informed Byleth that Leonie had confided a desire to switch houses not long after, only for the war to begin and dash those hopes.
Now, the two were once again inside Byleth's room with Jeralt as the main subject. Leonie looked around, probably taking in how little the place had changed, at least from an outsider's perspective. Between Sothis and Edelgard, the room felt cold and empty to Byleth now. But there was time to contemplate that emptiness later. For now, she had a student to comfort.
Byleth opened the dresser and pulled out Jeralt's cloak. A lot of memories were tied with this large, black piece of fabric. Leonie was already tearing up as Byleth turned it to show her the emblem on the back. "Was that...?"
Byleth nodded. "I inherited it after he passed. It scrapes the floor a little because of the size difference - you remember how tall and broad he was - but it's great for keeping someone my size warm in the winter."
"That- That's great."
"It is." Byleth lifted it, as if about to adorn the cloak, but instead wrapped it firmly around Leonie's shoulders. "See? Nice and snug, yes?"
"I... I don't understand. Why-?"
"Because, you may think he didn't see you as much, since he never acknowledged you as his apprentice and he often encouraged you to not take after him... but that doesn't mean he felt that way. Trust me, if he had a real problem with you calling yourself his apprentice, he'd have let you know. He was never exactly subtle with his words. He was stoic, but blunt and to-the-point. I guess that's where I got it from..."
Leonie chuckled at that. "You're talking a lot more than you used to."
'That's Edelgard's influence,' she was about to say, but stopped herself. She was sure Leonie noticed her wistful expression as she tried to collect herself to continue. "That's true. I guess Hapi's ironic nickname for me is, ironically, not ironic anymore." Both women chuckled. "But, the point is that my father cared about you a whole lot. He may not have said as much, but I could tell he was proud of you and your drive to improve yourself. And I bet he'd be even more proud of how strong you've become since."
"Why are you.. being so nice to me?"
"I could write you a list? You're my student, my friend, part of my father's legacy... You're a bright young woman with a huge heart and so much potential. You're more like him than I am, I think. I don't want you feeling like you're not a part of this, so I want you to keep this cloak for him. Okay?"
"O-Okay, Professor," Leonie replied with a teary smile. "I-I'll take real good care of it, I promise."
Byleth smiled warmly. "I know you will. If anyone would, it'd be you." Caught up in the moment, Byleth held out her arms for a hug. Realising what she had done moments later, she began to sheepishly lower her arms, only for Leonie to thrust herself into Byleth's chest and accept the hug wholeheartedly. While taken aback by the sudden acceptance, Byleth slowly closed her arms around her former student and the two remained that way for some time.
The silence was eventually broken by Byleth. "I've been considering tracking down the remnants of Jeralt's Mercenaries and putting them to work as a special peacekeeping force, dedicating to hunting down bandits and anyone else who prays on the poor and defenceless. Alois has already started doing some digging to find them for me. And if you'd be up for it, I'd like you to lead that force."
"...M-M-Me?"
"Yes, you," Byleth said with a tiny smile. "My father meant a lot to you, and you're an incredible archer and hunter. And you've always wanted to make a lot of money for your people back home, right? Why settle for random mercenary jobs when you could have a steady wage instead? That's more consistent income for your village, and you get to protect communities like your own too."
"How can you trust me with something like this after-"
"After you showed me how passionate you were about my father's legacy? After you showed you were one of the few fighting in the war for non-selfish reasons? I may not know all the struggles you've been through since the war started, or how they might have changed your outlook, but I've seen enough to know you are the only person I could possibly entrust this to."
"W-What about Alois?"
"He'd never take the job. He's too determined to keep me safe to stray very far. I'm sure he'd help you get everything set up, but I'm his primary concern, especially since I painted a target on my back by becoming the Emp- Edelgard's wife."
"You really do love her, huh? It's not just loyalty or manipulation or something like that. You really love her."
Byleth nodded uneasily. "I do. I can't even put it into words how much I love her..."
"But...?"
"She... did something that hurt me. Well, more like she let something happen that hurt me."
"Is this... about her working with the people who... you know...?"
"Y-Yes. It's to do with that. I knew about that, obviously, but I was always under the impression that she was unaware or at least disgusted by what they were doing. When we fought against them at Remire Village, she appeared as the Flame Emperor to me and my father. She said she didn't approve of their methods and I believed her, even before I knew it was her. But now I know she allowed more than I believed. I don't... know what to do anymore. I love her with all my heart, but I don't know if I can forgive this."
"Maybe it's not my place to say this, but there's nothing you or she can do that can change the past. And I'm sure if she knew what was going to happen, she would have stopped it. For all her faults, Edelgard definitely always cared about you, Professor. I don't think that was deceitful or anything. So whatever she did to let things happen as they did were most likely an accident. One she can never take back. I can't speak for her, but if you talk to her and she seems genuinely sorry, maybe that's a sign that she can change and be a better Emperor for Fódlan."
"This is... unexpected from you."
"Yeah... I may hate Edelgard, but I don't want you to be unhappy just because of her. If you being with her makes you happy, then... I can put my own feelings aside and support you. You, singular, obviously."
Byleth hugged Leonie tighter. "You've really matured, Leonie."
"Wh-What, are you saying I wasn't mature before?" Her tone was joking. If she was being honest, she'd probably say she hadn't been, given what she'd said to Byleth a year ago. "But I was hurtful to you on purpose, yet you still forgave me and acted like nothing ever happened. If you can forgive that, I think you'll be able to forgive her. It really just comes down to whether or not you want to."
"I suppose so..."
Leonie pulled out of the hug and draped the cloak around Byleth as well, allowing both to share in the warmth of Jeralt's legacy. "Do what you have to to be happy. I'm sure that's what Captain Jeralt would want for you."
The sun was setting on Garreg Mach. Edelgard stood by the cemetery with Dorothea, still amazed at how many people were still arriving to pay their respects to the late captain. It seemed that many of these people had wished to do so since the very first anniversary, but the war and divided nation had prevented that from occurring. Edelgard even noticed a few familiar faces from the academy that had been enemies during the war. But the only face she wanted to see right now was Byleth's, and she didn't want to see Edelgard's.
By her side, Dorothea began humming quietly. It was a song one of Edelgard's older sisters would hum to her younger siblings during their captivity to help calm them. By chance, Edelgard had happened upon Dorothea humming that same song to herself during their academy days and, seeing the effect it had on Edelgard, would hum it for her during the war to help calm her nerves. It had been particularly helpful on the morning of the royal wedding. Edelgard appreciated the effort, even if it had little effect right now. Such was the strength of her love for Byleth and the guilt it caused.
By the time she noticed the sound of a very particular pair of boots walking up behind her, Edelgard's hand had already been grabbed and she was being dragged in the direction of the Knight's Hall by Byleth, passing Leonie, who sent Dorothea a look of 'How should I know?'
Once the Emperor and her wife were safely inside the empty room, Byleth locked the doors and headed deeper in. Edelgard followed her and the two took seats on the sofas by one of the fireplaces. They sat in silence for a while, Edelgard waiting for Byleth to speak first and Byleth having completely blanked on how she had planned to start this conversation. Eventually, Edelgard decided to start with something simple.
"Was... Was that Leonie we passed?"
"What?" Byleth was caught off-guard by the sudden noise. "Um, yes. She came to pay her respects. We talked for a while. We made up."
"Oh? I am happy to hear that," Edelgard responded, suppressing her smile so as not to come off too casual. "I remember how much her words hurt you after the battle in Myrddin. It is good that you and she can see eye-to-eye again."
"Yeah. It is." Byleth's curtness made Edelgard worry she might have upset her by saying too much.
Again, the two sat in silence, the only sounds in the chamber coming from the crackling fireplace and the occasional voices outside the doors.
"Um, if I may," Edelgard spoke up after a while. "I would like to apologise for-"
"Can you tell me... everything you knew about that group and how your alliance operated?"
"U-Um, yes. Of course."
Edelgard explained everything: how Lord Arundel, actually Thales in disguise, had approached her and offered the aid of his group in her plans to overthrow the Church; how she had been using them to assist in her rise to power, with every intention to eliminate them once Fódlan was secured (which she ultimately had); how she had learned about their shapeshifting and replacing of key figures at the monastery - Tomas, Monica and likely more had their relationship not become strained by the attack on Remire Village.
"After that, I confronted Lord Arundel about the actions of his group, but I was still powerless to do anything to stop him. I believe he saw right through me, saw me as the powerless child that I was. But I had to maintain the façade, both in front of him and Kronya, and in front of the rest of the academy. It sickened me to have to continue working with such despicable individuals, but my options for allies were limited. Had I approached someone such as yourself or another of the Black Eagles, under the assumption that you would agree with my goals, only to then find that you were not, my entire plan would have gone up in smoke in an instant... that is, unless I had taken some very drastic measures that would have made me no better than Thales...
"As such, I felt that my only chance of succeeding was to utilise their resources. But that required more compromise than simply making use of their forces. Interference in their affairs would have jeopardised the entire operation. Thus, despite knowing their plans for Monica, I said nothing of it to anyone, save for Hubert, who needed to know why a strange girl was hanging around me for a few months. Of course, that is not to say that I did not consider saving her. But without assurance that Baron Ochs would ally with me, I concluded that leaving Monica to her fate would be the better option."
Edelgard stopped her explanation for a moment, observing Byleth as she contemplated this information. Despite not looking at her, Edelgard could feel an aura of judgment emanating from her wife. She felt a sudden desperation to move away from total honesty and try to improve her image in Byleth's beautiful blue eyes.
"Had I known what Kronya was capable of, what she planned to do that day, I...
"No. In truth, I would have still allowed it to happen. For as underserving of his fate as he was and for how much you cared for him, my ambition was too important to me to risk losing their support. I tried to remain true to my beliefs, that lives should not be valued as greater than simply because of who that person is. Perhaps I took my ideal too far in that regard, but I cannot honestly say that I would not make the same choice were I to do it all over again."
These words were suicide to her attempt to mend their relationship, but Edelgard was overcome with a compulsion to be completely and totally honest with the woman she loved.
"Of course, my views have changed since then. Were it your life, for example, being bartered for my ambition, I am doubtful I could make the same choice. Nor that I wouldn't hurl myself from atop the tallest tower in Garreg Mach soon after doing so. Hubert might say I have gone soft since you and I came together, but you might well be the one person I cannot bring myself to give up, no matter the cause. Even back then, I might not have been able to stand by had Kronya targeted you instead.
"But it is not these hypotheticals you wish for me to explain, is it? It is the reality we live in, in which I allowed my allies to murder your father and then still had the nerve to ask you to join me. A reality in which I remained allied with your father's killers and those of my own siblings for five full years before finally turning my blade against them. One in which I kept all of this from you, even seven months after marrying you.
"I am a wicked, cruel, manipulative woman, who can tell herself that you knew what you were signing up for all she likes, but knows deep down that she has done nothing but use and deceive you since the day we met. Actually, I never told you that I, under the guise of the Flame Emperor, was the one who hired Kostas and his men back then. In fact, him attacking me was all a part of the plan. He didn't know I was in on it, but my plan was for him to make his move against me and for me to gain recognition by defeating him myself, knowing full well how to handle a simple thug like him.
"But then, you rushed in between us in order to save me. And according to you, the goddess herself gave you a sample of her power so that you would not die. The first step in my grand plan almost cost the life of the woman I would ultimately come to fall hopelessly in love with. But due to some incredible luck, we were given the means to both survive that night and you wound up becoming my professor.
"And you were so capable and intelligent, and despite showing little emotion on your face or in your voice, your actions spoke volumes. You were so kind and always looking to help and guide your students, myself included. It is only natural that my feelings of curiosity towards you became something more, something that jeopardised my plans time and time again, as I constantly had to wrestle with my desire to just come right out and ask for your assistance, and my assumption that you would not. Hubert chastised me many times over that...
"But in the end, you did choose to join me. This incredible woman whose life I had almost ended, whose father was dead because of my inaction, whose trust I had betrayed on a daily basis, whose face and voice filled my mind at any opportunity where I wasn't planning or working...
"I think that... I was so overcome with relief and joy that my fortune could be so good that I chose to ignore the facts that were dangling over my head so as to not risk losing you as a soldier, a teacher or a lover. But that was not fair to you. You deserve to know the truth, even if it makes you hate me as most of Fódlan does. Even if it means you will leave my life forever. Or that you will take my life here and now. I never expected that my reign as Emperor could be long, nor even happy...
"But you have made these last eight months the happiest of my entire life - far happier than I have any right to after the innumerable horrific acts I have committed. I only hope I was able to brighten your own life while our time together lasted... I wish I could have been the partner such an amazing woman like you deserves...
"What we do from here, I leave to you to decided, and I will accept your decision, whatever it may be..."
Edelgard only realised how long she had been talking once she was finished. She could only imagine how frustrated Byleth had gotten, listening to her rabbit on and on about her regrets, as if that made what she had done to her any less vile. After a while, Byleth let out a deep breath.
"I hate seeing you like this."
"W-What...?"
"So wrapped up in self-loathing. I hated seeing Bernadetta, Marianne or Constance like that, but I hate it even more on you. Especially when I feel like I'm the reason you feel that way-"
"N-No, Professor! B-Byleth, no. You should feel no shame for how I feel about my own actions. You are not the cause."
"You're right. I shouldn't feel shame for any of this. But I do. I understand why you made the choices you did. And maybe, in the grand scheme, it was for the best, making those sacrifices to free Fódlan from Rhea's grip. But I still can't help but hate you for those decisions. And I think that makes me a hypocrite, only caring about it once it directly affected me. Even having to strike down some of my own former students didn't make me feel this way. You place me on this high pedestal, but the reality is that I'm not a good person either."
"No, you-"
"I've been taking lives since I was a child, Edelgard. A lot of them, fellow mercenaries just trying to survive or support their families. I killed people who rose up against the Church, who were probably decent people who saw the world differently from me. And then I killed people who were in the same boat I had been when I did that. In a sense, my father wasn't the greatest person either, training me to fight and kill so young. You can say he was just teaching me to survive all you want, but no good person teaches a child to kill. No good person sacrifices the innocent for their ambitions. No good person kills people who once looked up to them...
"I think... if we were looking at this objectively, none of us are good people. There's too much blood on each of our hands for that. Maybe we're just the product of the world we were born into - one where such actions are necessary to survive. But you, at least, had the goal of trying to change that world into one where monsters like us are never needed. And I think the only thing we can do now is try and make sure that world comes to fruition, that people like us are never born again.
"But, neither of us can do it alone. I need someone who can see me for what I am, to remind me of what I'm trying to accomplish. And so do you. We can only do this together."
Edelgard simply could not believe what she was hearing. "T...Together? B-But... after everything I..."
"If you stop now, before that world has been created, all those deaths will mean nothing. I refuse to let my father, Monica, Dimitri and all the others' deaths be for nothing. I hope you won't allow it either."
"I-I won't, but... You said 'together'. How can you say 'together' after everything I just told you?"
"Because I still love you, Edelgard."
Tears were streaming down Edelgard's cheeks now. "BUT WHY!?"
"I never thought you were an angel. I knew there was a darkness inside you. Maybe that's part of what drew me to you, that sense of kindredness. But whatever it is, even if I do hate what you've done, I can't help but love you and want to make you feel better after you've allowed yourself to be so open and vulnerable with me. I still love you, El. And at this point, I don't think anything will ever change that."
Edelgard was well and truly rendered speechless. How could this conversation have possibly gone in this direction? She couldn't accept that. "N-No! I can't... No." Edelgard was on her feet and on her way to the doors before she knew it. But Byleth had her by the wrist before she could take more than three steps.
Byleth pulled Edelgard in and kissed her. Perhaps it was the heat of the fireplace or from the rising tension that had been steadily building up inside Edelgard since the two had first sat down, but she found herself unable and unwilling to resist Byleth's grasp. She allowed her wife to kiss her, and soon found herself returning the kiss, allowing herself to accept that Byleth was being completely sincere when she told her she still loved her, even if she didn't love herself. Even though she was the Emperor, Edelgard had always known that Byleth held all the power in their relationship. Byleth would do just about anything Edelgard asked of her, but she also possessed the ability to make Edelgard simply melt whenever she so desired.
The kiss, intended only as evidence of how much Byleth loved Edelgard, morphed into a contest of sorts, each woman pushing back against the other to show how much she loved her. And both pushed back against Edelgard's belief that Byleth must hate her.
How long the kiss lasted, neither knew nor cared. All they knew for sure was that they were both horrible, broken people, who made each other happy. And that, maybe, that was enough.
"I'm going in there," Dorothea said finally after pacing around the doors long enough for people to notice. "Leonie, open the doors."
"Huh? They're locked," Leonie reiterated. The two had spent some time awkwardly catching up and filling each other in on the argument without divulging any specifics they were aware of. Before they knew it, the two were chatting away like they'd never been on opposite sides of a bloody war.
"So? Pick the lock."
"Who do you think I am, Ashe? I don't know how to pick a lock."
"Oh, you're useless. Hold on, Edie, Momma's coming!" Dorothea had her shoes off and dress hiked up to kick the door in (which Leonie was sure would only lead to a trip to the infirmary) when the doors opened from the inside and Byleth and Edelgard stepped out. While she had only seen her briefly earlier, Leonie was fairly certain Edelgard's hair had not been that messy before, and Dorothea noted the same of Byleth.
"Why are you two here?" Byleth asked as the two stepped outside.
"We were worried about you two, obviously," Dorothea responded with just enough annoyance in her voice to make clear exactly what she thought of such a question. "So, how did it go? Did you figure everything out?" She looked the two over and received her answer when she noticed the blush in their cheeks and their hand in each other's grip.
"Yes, obviously," Leonie teased, earning herself a glare from the songstress.
"We talked through our issues," Edelgard explained quietly.
"And we realised exactly how meant for one another we really are," Byleth added. Edelgard's eyes met hers and the two women felt themselves drawn into each other and began kissing again.
Dorothea's face lit up bright red at the scandalous sight before here. "Ooh, you go, girls. Now where can I get me some of that?" Her gaze drifted to the fourth woman present, whose expression read as 'Seriously?'
"Not gonna happen," Leonie informed the other woman, who pouted in response.
Later that night, after Leonie departed with her new cloak and position, and Dorothea returned to her room until her own departure in the morning, Edelgard and Byleth returned to Edelgard's room in the cathedral to settle in for the night. Even before Edelgard took it over, the chamber already had a bed large enough for both of them, making them wonder why Rhea would need a bed so large if she was attempting to maintain her image of piety. This was the same bed on which the two had first made love, considering every second of it a glorious way to stick it to the dead tyrant.
Edelgard's cheeks were starting to hurt from all the grinning that recalling that incident was causing. She gingerly placed her boots by the side of the bed and got to work on her dress. By this point, Byleth was already down to just a light shirt and shorts. Even her stockings were off, which was impressive. Byleth had never had the same sort of aversion to nudity that Edelgard had, and she could have her clothes off in seconds if she had a desire to. The Emperor always wondered if it was due to her being commoner, a mercenary, or just a fascinatingly peculiar woman.
By the time Edelgard was changed, Byleth was already under the covers, holding open a space for Edelgard next to her. Edelgard's smile was warm enough to redden Byleth's cheeks from across the room. Once Edelgard was comfortably tucked in beside her wife, a sense of unease washed over the two. They couldn't just go back to how things were before, and pretending they could only made things feel awkward.
Their relationship and their understand of it had fundamentally changed. They were different people now. But they loved each other just as much as, if not more than, their old selves had. And whatever life threw their way, they were confident that they would make it through it together.
Well, mostly confident. As always, a sense of doubt crept in Edelgard's mind, never allowing her to be totally sure of where she stood with her teacher.
"Hey, El?" Byleth asked softly.
"Hm?" Edelgard turned her head to stare into her wife's beautiful blue eyes.
She flashed a mischievous grin. "Do you want to make Rhea roll in her grave?"
Edelgard matched her grin with one of her own.
As clothes flew across the room, Edelgard came to one final conclusion: Yes. They were going to be okay.
So, remember what I said about what the next chapter would be UNLESS INSPIRATION STRUCK? Weeelll, yeah, it did. In the planned Chapter 4, the subject of Edelgard knowing about Monica's captivity (as confirmed in Three Hopes) comes up, and that line of thinking led me to the realisation that Edelgard is indirectly responsible for Jeralt's death. And in a world where Byleth not only sides with Edelgard but falls in love with her too, that has a ton of potential for drama and angst. But the premise of the other story doesn't leave much room for exploration, hence the decision to split it off and tell that story first, since the other story is set after this has been resolved.
It's a shame the game doesn't offer more chances to spare characters, maybe as a reward for having a high enough Support Rank. My Byleth had to kill Leonie at Myrddin...
Also, the title "The Mourning After" is one I swear I've used very recently, but for the life of me, I cannot remember where or when. Was it in a dream? Did I already decide to use it for this before now and then convinced myself I'd already done it? I'm so confused.