Legal Disclaimer: I own my stuff, but not the original source material. That belongs to whoever. Also, the opinions and interpretations I use here may not reflect the same in said whoever that owns the source material. Look, I'm just a poor college librarian. Suing me isn't going to get you anything but tears.

Warning: This work may be offensive to some readers. There is also canon typical violence and discussion of canon skill sets (without pretending they're actually there). Feel free to back out if need be.

Author's Note: I was feeling done with the world and then I got tired and most of my salt turned into crack. Oops.

Submitting Info:
Stacked with: Hogwarts (Term 15); MC4A (Year 4); Whumptober 2021
Individual Challenges: La Vie Boheme; Deconstructed; Entitled; Adult Activities; My Favorite Things; Xover Bae-Toven; Gryffindor MC; No School MC; Magical MC; Magical MC (Y); Metahuman MC; Metahuman MC; SHIELD MC; SHIELD MC; SHIELD MC; SHIELD MC; SHIELD MC; SHIELD MC; Marvelous HP; Neurodivergent; Neurodivergent; Rian-Russo Inversion; Ethnic & Present; Shifter MC; Disabled; Extraterrestrial MC; Extraterrestrial MC; Ship Sails; Gwen's MCU Bribery (Y); Hold the Mayo; Gender Bender; Old Shoes; Go Fluff Yourself; Colors Galore; Zed Era; Marvelous Cinema; Old Shoes; Short Jog; Bucket Listing; Two Cakes (Y); Eating Cake (Y); Green Ribbon
House: Slytherin
Assignment No.: Term 15 – Assignment 12
Subject (Task No.): n/a
Other Hogwarts Challenges: Yearly Scavenger Hunt [09](5 Selected Emotion)[x3]; 365 [50](Chair)
Other Challenges: Whumptober [D 20] (Lost & Found; Solitary Confinement)
Other MC4A Challenges: WiB [3A](Gloves/Mittens); Vocab [2E](Litany); Ship (War Zucchinis)[FaMic1 (Fusion/Crossover); WiMic1 (Fusion/Crossover); FaBig (Dagger/Knife); SpBig (Baked Goods; Fruit/Berries); 3B (Cuddling/Snuggling)]; Chim [Sulfa] (Gender Bend; Emerald; "Carry On My Wayward Son" by Kansas); Hunt [Wi WD (Seizures); Wi Set (Living Room); Wi Con (Baked Goods; Fruit; Ham; Wine); Wi Items (Gloves; Bowl)]; Fire [x3] (Zuke the Hini; Baked Goods; Into the Multiverse); Garden [Chores (Arguing/Debating); Flowers (Emerald); Tools (Boots); Ship Ahoy! (War Zucchinis); Behind Green Eyes (Master od Death); Personal Favs (War Zucchinis); Lawn Sculptures (Knife/Dagger); Duties (Yelling/Shouting); Mixed Bag Redux (Gloves); Diversity Reader (Desi Character); Good Night (Crossover/Fusion); Palette (Green); Mixed Bag Saga (Kiwi); Garden Beds (Living Room); Junk Pile (Plate/Bowl); Bulbs (Red); Seasonings (Annoyance)]; Hang [Phrase 05] (n/a); Swap [Clothing 2 (Superhero T-Shirt)]
Representation(s): Desi & Fem Harry Potter; Tony Stark/James "Rhodey" Rhodes QPR; Bruce Banner; Loki; Steve Rogers; Natasha Romanoff; Maria Hill; Phil Coulson; SHIELD
Primary & Secondary Bonus Challenges: Triton's Domain; Hot Stuff; Second Verse (Where Angels Fear; Under the Bridge; Bad Beans; Shiver & Shake; Casper's House; Rock of Ages; Muck & Slime; Most Human Bean; Lyre Liar; Grease Monkey; Trickster's Union; Lovely Coconuts; For the Vine; Deadliest Catch; Car in a Tutu; Brooms Only; Unwanted Advice; Middle Name; Zucchini Bread; Teat Juice; Nontraditional; Found Family; White Dress; Persistence Still; Not a Lamp; Ladylike); Chorus ( Getting On; Sitting Hummingbird; Forked Path; Call Me Dantes; Cooler Yelp; Turtle-Duck; Infinity; Surprise!; In the Trench; Head of Perseus; Abandoned Ship; Wind Beneath; Creature Feature; Unicorn; Larger than Life; Eternal Boredom; A Long Dog; Tomorrow's Shade; Peddling Pots; Machismo; Bee Haven; Wabi Sabi; Pocky Pockets; Odd Feathers)
Tertiary & Generic Bonus Challenges: DP (Immemorial; Yearn); Share (Ameliorate; Nepenthe; Augur); Wings (Bower); Mea (Zymurgy; Ennui; Rampant); War (Monomania; Orator; Obstruction; Sanctuary; Ennui); RoIL (Satisfaction; Exuviation); O3 (Orator; Oust); FR (Affirmation; Satisfaction); SN (Rail; Ameliorate); T3 (Toad)
Word Count: 2316 words

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Stolen Aside
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Harini was calmly cleaning her nails with a knife when the conference room began to fill with Fury's ensemble of superheroes. Most of them didn't recognize her, of course. Even after so many years of consulting with SHIELD, no record of her existence managed to last past whatever situation caught her attention enough for her to act. Oh, and how they had tried. A few individuals over the decades since she had slid into this universe had actually came close. None of them had stayed on SHIELD's radar for long, of course, let alone in the organization's employment or control.

Of the five people assembled in the observation deck already, only Thor and Banner both looked like they had some idea of what kind of predator they were near, both because of the magic seeped into the core of their beings. Widow seemed unsettled by Harini's presence. That was most likely because Fury hadn't briefed his pet spider about the rogue element that was Harini. All of that was probably the best she could hope for until either Fury showed his face or Hill decided to introduce her. Though it was humorous how Mr. Spangles kept glaring at her.

It was probably the boots Harini had up on the table.

She still didn't care.

The guy looked like Aunt Petunia's ideal vision of perfection. That alone was enough for Harini to hate him. Looking like a slightly less washed out version of Draco Malfoy really didn't help the impression. Was it childish to hold a grudge after so many years? Maybe.

She still was going to do it.

From everything she had heard while doing her unauthorized tour of the helicarrier, Steve Rogers probably deserved every bit of annoyance she could give him and then some. The man had been thawed for over six months already and had even been cleared to have off-base housing (all expenses paid for, of course, by SHIELD along with a stipend for sundries and entertainment). Yet for all of that, he was still painfully stuck in the past in all of the worst ways.

Honestly, the boots on the table were probably the thing that he found least offensive about her. After all, she lacked all the polite deference of a Black man in the forties or even a wealthy white woman in the same era. She wasn't the Widow decked out in attire meant to seduce or even Hill in a company uniform. Harini flexed her hand around her knife just to feel the tension of her fingerless gloves shift. It occurred to her that wearing an extra large tee-shirt with the helmets of Iron Man and War Machine (split down the middle to make one helmet out of the pair) probably was at least part of why Spangly was glaring so hard. She got the impression that Mr. Perfect agreed with the bullshit that the Widow turned in for her assessment of Dr. Stark. The reminder that he wasn't the superhero that everyone loved must bother him.

Meh.

It wasn't like Harini was going to bother changing her casual wear. She looked good in red and gold. You can take the girl out of Gryffindor but you cannot take the Gryffindor out of the girl, no matter what universe she was in. Not to mention that there would be no point in hiding her alliance in this little charade. She only had to deal with the SHIELD sycophants for long enough to get what she had come for before she could leave. More importantly, she only had to put up with them for a little bit before she could leave them to their own floundering about like blind fish.

Rogers broke first. He stood up and moved quickly towards Hill and her ever-present tablet. Harini didn't need to hear the whispered exchange to guess what it was about. Captain America wouldn't want her there, even if he had been warned that she existed and might be coming. She had already witnessed his hissy fit over not being told that Dr. Stark was being called in. Fury hadn't been thrilled to find out that his good eye had overstepped like he had, but then Coulson had a soft spot for Barton and wouldn't have left such an influential asset as Iron Man on the bench.

Fortunately, she could hear Stark chatting with Coulson just outside the door. The general hubbub of noise that came with the genius in full distraction mode interrupted Rogers' upset whispering to Hill about what was no doubt a litany of Harini's offenses as much as Widow and Thor's discussion of Loki's kill count (something that had Harini rolling her eyes since much of the count was actually from the complex not being evacuated fully when it collapsed with only a handful being killed or taken by Loki) while Banner tried to redirect the topic to something productive. Harini grinned to herself as Stark made his way across the observation deck, filling the space with words and acknowledgments.

Stark didn't seem to even notice her, too distracted by Thor's displayed biceps and forcing the group to actually discuss Banner's segue question. She might be offended if she didn't already know him so well. Well, and Thor's biceps were rather lovely to look at. She was a little jealous that Stark managed to find an excuse to touch them, even the tiny bit that he had.

"When did you become an expert in thermonuclear astrophysics?" Hill asked, soundly mildly annoyed. Harini paused in cleaning her nails with her knife to stare. Was that an actual real emotion? From Hill? Damn, but that was even more impressive than anything else Tony Stark had ever done including building Iron Man.

"Last night," Stark quipped, as if he didn't already have six science-changing papers out in the field. Hill gave him another blank look. Nervous and still in distraction mode, Stark continued. "The packet, Selvig's notes, the extraction theory papers—Am I the only one who did the reading?"

"Does Loki need any particular kind of power source?" Rogers asked, sounding both frustrated and utterly exhausted by the whole conversation. It was the first decent contribution he had made in the last two days.

Harini flipped her knife in her hand a few times before sliding it back into the sheath strapped to her forearm. A small flare of magic had it disappearing completely. Widow's cheek twitched as she couldn't track where the weapon had gone. Predictably, Thor didn't even do that.

"He would need to heat the Cube to 120 million Kelvin," Banner answered, sounding distracted as he paced near one of the exits. Harini felt for the good doctor. Being cooped up with more military types had to be agitating for him and the guardian he carried within his unassuming form. "That's, uh, just to break through the Coulomb Barrier."

"Unless," Stark interjected, perking up like he had just scented perfectly brewed espresso, "Selvig has figured out how to stabilize the quantum tunneling effect."

"Well, if he could do that," Banner replied with a more grounded tone, "he could achieve heavy ion fusion at any reactor on the planet."

"Finally, someone who speaks English," Stark announced, making Harini grin outright and Banner give an embarrassed smile tiny enough to speak volumes of how long it must have been since his lips last moved in such a way. Stark was already moving in for an official handshake when Rogers just had to say something.

"Is that what just happened?"

In a flash, Harini had her knife back out and was stabbing the table in front of Rogers. She had moved so fast that her chair toppled over behind her barely missing hitting Stark. That was mostly because he had jumped out its way and directly into Banner. Harini can hear the way the fabric of Banner's clothes strain as the Hulk stirred nearer the surface before settling again. She doesn't look away from Rogers, pinning him down with the force of her emerald glare like it was another dagger.

"You are very rude," she told Rogers. Her voice was cold enough that he shivered after she spoke. "You also are not useful." She straightened, pulling her dagger from the table and slipping it once again into its sheathe. The screen embedded in the table now had a two inch hole in it. She flicked her hip-length braid over her shoulder as she turned to face the two genii. "Are we ready to go now?"

"Harini?" Stark asked sounding genuinely confused. Maybe he hadn't noticed her after all instead of merely pretending to not have. "How? You work for SHIELD?"

"Puh-lease," she snapped in response. "Do I look like someone who likes the taste of boots?"

"She's not wrong," Hill admitted, sounding like it was physically hurting her to admit it. "She has worked with us before but even our consultation arrangement with you is more reliable than the one with Ms. Black."

"Doctor," Stark, Banner, and Harini corrected in unison. They shared a look that melted into grins all around. Stark was the one who broke the little silence first.

"That is a fascinating shirt," he commented lightly. Her grin grew.

"What can I say?" She shrugged with exaggerated nonchalance. "I ship it. I've still got dibs on being the best man at your wedding."

"Still can't convince him to become my trophy wife," Stark said with a sad shake of his head. Harini nodded sagely before linking her arms through one of each genius to begin guiding them out of the door. Banner startled a bit at the easy physical affection but allowed himself to be pulled along without resistance. "He claims he would get bored, if you could imagine that."

"I can, actually, and I have a wonderful solution." Harini paused for dramatic effect. "Why don't you become the trophy wife instead?"

"That is actually—"

"Stark," Rogers interrupted. "We have a situation here. You can't just walk away!"

"Pfft," Harini dismissed with a roll of her eyes. "It's not a situation. It's barely a thing at all. It's just Thanos being an annoying git. I only stopped by to say that I will be handling it and to select a few beautiful minds for my collection."

"The Mad Titan?" Thor asked. "Surely—"

"My name's not Shirley," Harini called back in a sing-song voice. She looked over her shoulder at the rapidly paling Asgardian. "I'll be taking the trickster with me, by the way. I may be inclined to let him return after I've fixed him, but not without a few guarantees that you meatheads won't break him again."

"Who do you think you are?" Rogers demanded. Harini considered not telling them, just letting Hill and Coulson fumble around the topic. Then she figured that might end up being more headache that it was worth.

"I'm the Master of Death."

And with that announcement, she apparated the three of them down to the terribly insecure place they were holding Loki within. The mage looked up from his bored studying of the metal struts of his cell. Like a mouse before a viper, he froze at the sight of her.

"Witch," he greeted, his voice full of deferment. Respectfully, he tipped his head towards her.

"Trickster," she returned. She let go of her two genii to walk towards him with her hands folded at her waist. She examined his aura closely. Then she snatched hold of the bright blue thread she found that connected his mind to that of the Other. Delicately, she pried its roots from his mind before incinerating the rest with a burning wave of magic all the way back to the source. She flicked away the feel of ash from her fingers. "There. Now that is taken care of, we can get back to more important matters."

"Here?" Loki asked, spreading his hands to indicate the cell he was still in. Harini raised an eyebrow at him. "Very true. Their hospitality does leave much to be desired."

"Well, you were a little crazy," Banner commented softly. "Could practically smell it on you."

"Yes, well," Loki disassembled, "roll around with pigs and see how sweet your scent is."

"We're planning a wedding," Harini announced, interrupting the budding argument. "I've already claimed best man."

"I shall be the matron of honor then," Loki decided. Stark blinked at them like an owl. Loki shared a grin. "I look stunning in lavender. I will warn you now: anything over five inch heels and I will stab someone." He paused. "If you invite Thor, I might stab someone regardless. He would be greatly disappointed if I didn't, especially on such a festive occasion."

"You'd stab your brother?" Banner asked, clearly confused. Loki shrugged.

"It's a family thing."

That really did explain everything.

Only later, when a modified missile had been launched through a portal barely large enough for it, and the small group was celebrating with Hawaiian pizza and other assorted takeout as they sipped wine and looked through wedding magazines in the living room of Tony's penthouse, did they remember that they had all forgotten something very important.

"STARK," Fury yelled when JARVIS connected his call over the speakers in the living room, "you can't just still my prisoner and assets!"

"Shut up, Nicky," Harini ordered. Absently, she picked through her bowl of freshly cut fruit for the bits of kiwi that were what she was craving right then. "Tony didn't steal anything. I merely reclaimed my possessions."

"You can't own people, Black!"

"Oh, can't I?" she asked sweetly. Immediately, she gestured for JARVIS to cut the call as she popped the cube of kiwi into her mouth. They really didn't need Fury's bad mood affecting their digestion. Nothing but the best for her favorites, after all. They deserved it.

None of them minded one bit.