"You sure this is gonna be a good spot? That they'll know where it is?"
Aeyrin asked uncertainly as they both scaled up the mountain near Helgen. It was surprising to hear her voice. She had been quiet for a long time now and Bishop didn't really press her to talk. He wasn't good at this shit anyway. He was good at distracting her with teasing or comforting her in his arms, but small talk on the road wasn't really his strong suit. He didn't want her to keep thinking about what happened, what she was now, but when he thought about what to say, he always came up short. Maybe it was because he kept thinking about all that shit too.
"I think so. You saw Helgen. That's not a great place to camp out," Bishop sighed. They had planned on waiting for the twins near Helgen gates – an easily recognizable place and close enough to Whiterun so that the Companions would make it there by nightfall. But when they went to make sure that the place was suitable before sending the letter, Helgen appeared to be crawling with bandits.
On any other day, that wouldn't stop them. They would clear the decimated town of its new inhabitants and maybe make use of their own campfires, but not today. Aeyrin was afraid to fight. She still had no idea how these transformations worked and it was quite possible that the heat of battle might… provoke her. She didn't want to risk any of it.
So instead, Bishop suggested camping by a nearby pass. Skybound Watch. It span from the Riverwood area towards Helgen. And the southern exit was already past the border in Falkreath Hold. The bounty was not in effect there. Well… technically, there was the exact same bounty still in effect in Falkreath. But it was hopefully still not a known fact. As far as Bishop knew, nobody remembered it in Falkreath or knew that it was him. It was possible that the twins knew, if they were so intent on catching Bishop for the money that they dug into this whole business more, but if that was the case, Bishop suspected that he would have all the Falkreath patrols after him already too. That didn't seem to be the case. There was also the option that Vilkas and Farkas wouldn't give a shit about where the bounty was in effect and that they would just try to kill him anywhere. It was a very real option.
But that wasn't their main concern now. They wouldn't allow the brothers to do anything. It was not as if those two would risk having Aeyrin attack them. And she was definitely rattled and pissed enough to snap. Was it any wonder?
But whatever would happen, their choice was made. First, after Aeyrin got cleaned up at least a little in the river, they composed the letters they wanted to send. Aeyrin wrote one to Vilkas and Farkas. She didn't let Bishop see it, but from the expression she had when she wrote it, it wasn't exactly a friendly one. In the meantime, he composed a letter to Saadia and Lydia, just like he had promised. He knew that he was insufferably vague in it, but there was no reason to worry them needlessly. He just made sure they knew that both him and Aeyrin were alright and in one piece and then he said that something came up and that they would be in touch for when the four of them could meet again. He knew this wouldn't really be a very satisfying response for them, but it was for the best.
Bishop stayed out of sight while Aeyrin went to Riverwood to find a willing messenger. Riverwood was still in Whiterun Hold so it wasn't safe for Bishop to show his face there and if they stuffed the letters in a mailbox, they would have no guarantees that they would arrive in time.
After that was done, they headed straight towards the pass. It was possible that there would be bandits inside the pass proper too, so instead they chose to climb the mountain near Helgen and scale down to the southern exit from the pass where they were set to meet the twins. It seemed like the safest option that kept them well away from Whiterun Hold and well away from potential battles. The stray wild animals were of no concern since Bishop could just take care of them quickly, but they did have to try and avoid anything that would force Aeyrin into combat.
"They should know the place," Bishop nodded as he outstretched his arm to help Aeyrin up on the outcropping he was currently perching on. The climb wasn't too difficult even without ropes, but there were still a few parts of the cliff that were a bit more precarious. "And if not, they have fucking maps, don't they? Not like we're the ones that should be bending over backwards to accommodate those fuckers."
Aeyrin took his hand and pulled herself up alongside him. They were already almost at the top of the cliff. They would have to get a bit down again to reach some plateau, but that was the easier part. She looked back towards the Falkreath forests spreading out far and wide. They looked so beautiful from up there. But from down below, they scared her more than anything. It felt like she had never passed through them without something bad happening. Thorn, passing out after a dragon soul, now this. Maybe these forests were cursed. Being lost within those endless trees was always a terrifying prospect.
"I miss Karnwyr," she sighed. He was out there somewhere, alone in those horrible woods. He was fine on his own most of the time, this shouldn't have been any different from when he ran off on his own. But it was different. She couldn't forget the way he looked at her, how he growled and barked at her. He didn't look this hateful even in their usual combat. She was the worst kind of monster for him. "I can't believe he's gone," she couldn't stop her voice from quivering a bit. All because of her. Because of what she was now.
"He's not gone, love," Bishop looked at her with a reassuring smile. "He's out there, just… having fun, running around on his own. And it's only for a while."
He was trying. Gods knew he was trying and she could see how much he was suppressing his own anger and hurt for her sake. Always trying to reassure her, to comfort her. She loved him for it so much. But it was just not believable. Not that he didn't sound convincing, but she felt like nothing would ever make her optimistic about all this.
Her only answer was a forlorn look directed at him that said all it needed to say. Bishop let out a defeated sigh in response. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder with a brief squeeze before he looked down there too, into those lush forests.
"I miss him too."
They stayed like that for a while, silently watching the forests from atop the cliff, bathed in the midday sun. But even the view couldn't dispel the clouds looming over them.
They climbed the last part of the cliff in a while before they began scaling down again. Their destination was visible from above – a plateau with entrance into a barrow. They got down quite a long way without issues, but at some point, they reached an outcropping from which there was no easy way to continue down.
The plateau was not far now. A fall would mean a broken bone at the very worst if they were unlucky. Anything more, they would have to be really unlucky. But still… why risk it?
"Rope?" Aeyrin inclined her head down while Bishop was already rummaging around in his pack.
He tied the rope around his waist and secured it on a sharp rock on the cliff, the other end went into Aeyrin's hands. It was an easy climb down. Bishop was safely on the plateau in no time. Aeyrin only unfastened the rope from the rock and threw it down to him. She had a much more expedient way for these things.
She stepped off the cliff and opened her mouth, her legs finished the motion almost automatically by now and soon she felt the familiar air rise around her ears as she plummeted down.
But no sound came out.
She felt the pressure in her throat, the familiar tingle, but nothing came out.
The only thing she managed to let out, when she realized what happened, was a panicked scream, but it was too late. Her arms flailed at the last second to shield her from the impact, but it didn't help much.
She collided with the ground all too soon. Pain shot through her legs and she was pretty sure something snapped. She fell over instantly but that only resulted in her slashing her forearm on a nearby rock. She didn't have her armor on specifically for those climbs. Now she kind of regretted it.
She rolled over onto her back instantly as she hissed in pain. What happened? Why didn't she Shout? She tried.
Her right leg throbbed in sharp pain and her forearm stung so much. She still didn't understand how this happened. But before she could even think properly about what happened, her writhing on the ground got stopped as she felt hands on her shoulders, steadying her a bit.
Bishop was staring at her in shock, as if she was insane. Well… granted, that must have really looked insane. She just stepped off a cliff. And she just fell without doing anything. She was as shocked as he was, however.
"What the fuck, princess?" Bishop carefully helped her straighten up into a half-sit. "Why didn't you Shout?"
"I… I tried," she shook her head as she continued to let out labored breaths from the pain. It was just… a mistake. She was still rattled. She was still overwhelmed. She froze. She often did. Like in that cave and before Skjor dunked her head in the blood or when he and Aela found her in the forest. She wanted to Shout both those times, but she didn't. She could have, but she didn't. This was just the same. For some reason. It was the stress. Definitely.
She slowly palmed her shin where she felt the most pain. She gritted her teeth sharply as she kneaded her flesh, trying to feel the bone beneath. It hurt so much, but it didn't feel broken. Maybe just cracked. That was good. She could fix that even when she was in pain.
"Broken?" Bishop asked with concern while he still supported her with his hands.
She shook her head. She just needed to stop the pain in her leg and she could concentrate. She could calm down and just Shout again, just to make sure that it was only a one-time thing. Her hands lit up with magic and she pressed them quickly to her shin. It would be fine soon.
After a few moments, she let out a sigh of relief. Her leg was still throbbing a bit in lingering pain, but the worst of it was over. Her arm still stung, but she was more concerned about something else now, no matter how much she tried to rationalize that in her head.
"You… tried?" Bishop looked at her uncertainly. Sometimes she felt like he could always tell where her mind was. She couldn't stop thinking about it.
"Y-yeah… it was… it was just… just some… lapse. I guess I'm just… a bit off," she stammered. That was definitely what it was.
"So try again," he urged her.
Was he worried that it wasn't 'just some lapse' too? No, she couldn't worry about that. It definitely was.
She should just try.
It was like second nature by now, right?
Easy.
Easy.
Why was nothing happening?!
She took deep breaths trying to calm herself down. She tried over and over, but no sound came out. What was wrong with her? Why was it not working?
"Are you… trying now?" Bishop looked at her skeptically. He probably couldn't tell.
"Yes," she barely heard the sound coming out of her how quietly she said that.
"Why aren't you even saying anything? Can't you just… say the Words?" he shook his head in confusion.
"It doesn't work like that," she gritted her teeth. She never actually articulated any words, they just… came out.
"W-well… try a different one?" Bishop suggested, but his expression did not seem confident at all. There was no more reassurance, no more confidence.
Alright. A different one could work. Maybe just… this one was broken. That… made sense, right?
"ZUL MEY!"
The Shout echoed across the plateau loudly, bouncing off the cliffs around.
But then nothing else happened.
"I… don't think I've heard this one before," Bishop scowled. When did she learn a new Shout? And were those two Words?
"N-no… it was… that was that… insult one," Aeyrin's breathing was starting to get a bit more ragged again. She kept telling herself that she should calm down, but there was no way to calm down right now. Bishop had never heard the actual Words of this Shout – nobody but her had. They only heard the result. But the Shout worked completely backwards now. And she didn't even get all those Words out. What was happening?
"But you Shouted. It's… getting better?"
Oh Gods, he sounded so unconvincing. As much as she knew not to believe all those reassuring gestures before, she really missed them right now.
Aeyrin gestured for him to step back. One more try.
She turned her head around for a while, looking around the area until she settled on a good spot without any trees in the way – only rocks and cliff. She didn't want to start a forest fire after all.
"YOL TOR!"
It worked! She got the Words out! Bishop was right, it…
Worked?
She stared in horror at the flames in front of her. No, not flames. A flame. Barely worth calling a flame at all. It was a small thing. It barely grazed the rock she had previously fell on and it dissipated instantly.
"This… isn't possible," Bishop scowled. "There's no way that they would suddenly not work. Not even with… it doesn't make sense."
She knew exactly what he was thinking. She was thinking the same thing. She had been thinking that for a while now, but it didn't make sense. Why would that… transformation affect her Shouts?
She kept staring at that rock, her breathing heavy and panicked. And that was when she noticed it.
"Blood is control," she whispered, almost to herself.
"What?" Bishop stared at her in confusion before his eyes went to where she was looking. There was a smudge of her blood on that rock from where she hit her hand. It looked completely ordinary at a first glance, but when he concentrated, there was something odd about it.
He knelt down by her side again and he carefully took her hand in his. He raised her arm up then in order to see the gnash on the underside of her forearm. It was pretty deep, it must have hurt a lot, but that wasn't the thing that needed his attention. He could see it better on her skin than on that rock. The blood was different. A little lighter, a little more orange than any other blood. It was the same thing she had her hair and head covered in when he found her in the woods – the blood from the basin.
Werewolf blood.
Was it really that different? Paarthurnax had said that because her blood was still partly human, she could likely not control the Shouts so much that she would 'become one' with them like the dragons could. Did this mean that her blood was even less dragony now? Maybe not at all.
Something shifted in him. The worry and concern got replaced by… hope.
Did becoming a werewolf… unmake her?
And while she was obviously panicking over her lack of control over her abilities, he couldn't help but get caught up in that prospect. He didn't even realize how much he wished for this before. He knew that he hated what she was thrust into with this whole prophecy, but it startled even him how cautiously happy he suddenly felt.
"Gods, I can't… I can't control them…" She finally looked up at him with horror in her eyes. She blinked a few times when she saw his expression, as if to make sure that he was really not as frightened by this as her. She looked like she wanted to convince him how bad this was. "We're looking for a Shout! I won't be able to use it! There will be nothing to stop Alduin. I can't…"
"It's not you," Bishop interrupted her. He was pretty sure that he looked disturbingly hopeful just then.
"What?" her confusion only intensified.
"The prophecy. It can't be you." This meant that she wasn't the last Dragonborn. This was someone else's fucking problem. Someone else's fucking life on the line.
"That's not true," she shook her head vehemently. "That's not… I didn't stop being a Dragonborn. It's… I still have the… the soul. I didn't change my soul! Did… did it?" She suddenly looked even more horrified. How did she not get even a little hopeful about this? She didn't want to be part of this prophecy either, did she?
Aeyrin only hugged her arms around herself, letting out sharp panicked breaths. She almost looked like she had just been violated in some horrible way.
Fuck. What the fuck did that stupid prophecy matter when she was like this? When being a werewolf horrified her more than facing a whole fucking army of dragons?
With a defeated sigh, he wrapped his arms around her once more, careful not to agitate the gash she still hadn't healed. Fuck, he suddenly felt like he couldn't care less about that fucking prophecy. He just wanted her back. Just wanted her to stop feeling like this.
"You're right, sweetheart," he tightened his embrace on her as he whispered into her ear reassuringly. "It's not possible. I just got carried away. None of this changes anything. We'll find a way to cure you of this, I promise."
She didn't believe him, but it was still so nice to hear those words of reassurance instead of his own panic. She still couldn't chase those thoughts out of her mind though.
"I'm a Dragonborn who can't Shout. What if we find that Scroll and the Shout and I can't use it?" she sniffled desperately into his chest as she clung to him.
"Stop thinking about 'what ifs'. We don't know anything yet. You're just jumping to the worst case scenarios," Bishop reassured her again. "There will be a way to give you back the control."
"Or I'm just gonna stay helpless forever," she sobbed. What was she now? A useless Dragonborn that couldn't do anything anymore.
"'Helpless'?" Bishop pulled away from her a bit, making her look into his eyes again. "You're not helpless without them. You've been killing shit, wandering the wilderness and plundering Ayleid ruins of all things for almost three years before you knew such a thing as a Shout even existed. You killed a dragon without them. You killed more than one dragon without them. You are far from helpless. You didn't need them before. You don't need them now."
Aeyrin tried to blink back her tears a bit. It was hard to even remember those days just now. But maybe she could learn to live without them again. It scared her how reliant she became on them. She just walked off a cliff because she relied on her Shout.
"And we'll figure something out about that fucking prophecy and that Shout," Bishop nodded with determination. "You don't even have to have any dragon blood to learn a Shout. Look at that fuckwit Ulfric."
That was… true. It would be much harder without the blood to help control them but… this was important. A whole Nirn's worth of important. They would figure something out.
She could only muster a grateful, weepy smile in return. Her throat was too choked up for her to talk for a bit, but she managed to get some words out eventually.
"Gods, you're just…" she shook her head in disbelief. She really couldn't even put it to words just then. She enveloped him with her arms again, almost crushing him into a tight hug. "You've just been so… I… I have no idea what I would have done through all this without you." As horrible as she still felt, she had a feeling that without him always trying, always reassuring her and comforting her, she would still be sitting by that tree, a broken wreck.
"Well, don't fucking try to send me away next time. I'm useful sometimes too, you know?" Bishop chuckled and, much to his relief, it elicited a soft giggle out of her too. He missed her laugh. Her smile.
Those fucking asshole brothers better have a solution for this.