Those Meddling Hippies
Disclaimer: I don't own Scooby-Doo, but I do own Fab Gang!
Rating: T
Other: I suppose I chose to do a Scooby-Doo piece thanks to a comment Serenity made to me over the phone one day that the Fab Gang is like the fake Scooby-Doo in "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back". So it was only natural for me to do a Scooby-Doo crossover.Enjoy!
Fred – Marik Pelosi
Daphne – Missie Hopital
Velma – Vincent Hopital
Shaggy – Alister Alexander
Scooby – Sasuke the raccoon
It was just your average night as a van with "Masturbation Machine" painted on the side of it drove down an abandoned road. There was a psychotic killer on the loose, and the Sasuke Detective Agency wanted to get to the bottom of it before someone else was attacked in the dark of the night with knives. Big knives. And heavy blunt objects.
Marik had read about these incidents in the newspaper at the kitchen table when he uttered the infamous phrase, "Well, gang, it looks like we've got a new mystery on our hands!"
"What kind of mystery?" Missie asked as she brushed out her long, purple-dyed hair in a chair across from Marik's.
"There's a psychotic killer on the loose," Marik informed everybody.
"Zoinks!" Alister exclaimed. "Like, no way, man! We can't be going after a psychotic killer! We could be killed!"
"Well, we're idiots, and we take risks like that," Vincent said, deeply intrigued in his new book, How To Insert A Tampon, by Oprah Winfrey.
"I don't want to be an idiot, anymore!" Alister whined.
"I'm too beautiful to be an idiot," Missie scoffed.
"Both of you should just shut up," Marik snapped. "We made a commitment to help people and the community, and we shall fulfill that commitment to a 'T'!"
"We already have," Missie complained. "We have all of the hundreds of times we've been forced on these senseless missions before now. But this is different, Marik. This isn't a fake mummy wrapped up in toilet paper or a hunchback with a crappy mask; this is a real, cold-blooded killer who could shoot us all!"
Sasuke peed on the kitchen floor in agreement.
"Sorry to bring it up, Marik, but Missie delivers a pretty good point," Vincent admitted. "Do you really want fresh blood to dye your blond locks?"
"Vincent, man, why don't you just say what you mean instead of dancing around it with these mysterious and intelligence flaunting means of terminology!" Alister asked.
"Sounds like you're doing some intelligence flaunting yourself," Vincent chuckled, "using a word like 'terminology'!"
Alister cocked his head. "Are you calling me a hypocrite?" he challenged.
"Oh, here we go again…" Missie sighed.
"No," Vincent denied. "I wouldn't waste my time."
"Why!" Alister demanded, starting to become hysterical as he always did when excited. "Because I am a stupid go-go dancer who doesn't have a Ph.D in Brainy Hippies 'R' Us!"
"No, because you always act like this!"
"Like what!"
"Like a whiny, spoiled child!" Sasuke leapt across the room and savagely bit Vincent on his leg. "Ow! That stupid thing bit me!"
"You deserved it," Alister huffed.
"Can everyone just calm down!" Marik demanded. "Now, let's all just calm down so we can focus on this mystery."
"The only mystery here is why you're our leader…" Missie muttered.
"I heard that."
"Whatever."
So this is how the five members of the Sasuke Detective Agency found themselves standing outside the dark, abandoned amusement park.
"Are you sure that this is where the bastard hangs out?" Missie asked Marik as she shivered in the cold night air.
"Of course," Marik assured everyone. "I've studied his MO as well."
"Explain," requested Alister.
"He only kills in pairs--one male, one female--always together."
"Why in the name of everything that we stand for did you volunteer us for this assignment!" Vincent snapped.
"We're dead!" Missie wailed, burying her face in her hands. "Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead…"
"Come on, gang!" Marik reasoned. "Despite the fact that with Missie and Alister, who's pretty enough to pass for a girl, teaming up with Vincent and I, meaning that there's a real chance of us all getting bludgeoned by a psychotic killer tonight, there's nothing I like more than solving a groovy mystery!"
"You are a poster child for the consequences of drug use!" Missie screamed, whacking Marik upside the head with a paper fan.
"Daaah!" Marik yelped, crashing to the ground.
Vincent and Alister clapped their hands, and Sasuke shook his fluffy tail in applause.
After swallowing a few Aleve pills and sitting on the ground for a moment to wait for them to kick in, Marik stood up and declared, "Let's split up gang!"
"You're a retard…" Alister sighed.