The Estimate of an outsider

Disclaimer: All works belong to the memory of Jane Austen. I am merely "tweaking" this segment of the P&P plot for a couple of laughs.

Note – I used italics for character thoughts and in some cases bold font for heavy emphasis on certain thoughts. Especially for the almost split personality of Mr Darcy's.

Chapter 2

All was quiet at the Pemberley homestead.

Encouraged by these passive conditions the sun blazed brightly, the birds twittered blithely and a breeze gently pulsated though the veins of the rhododendron bushes that marked the borders around the Pemberley Estate.

Nature had taken the initiative once again to put on a bright face and lift the spirits of her wayward children on this bright summer's day. She was un-deterred by her earlier failure on the road and was prepared metaphorically speaking, to 'lay-it-on-thick' with the three individuals that had just emerged from the mansions impressive looking mahogany doors.

As Elizabeth and the Gardiners emerged from the aforementioned doorway, relief appeared to be the most evident emotion on their faces.

Mr and Mrs Gardiner had enjoyed the tour around the mansion very much but had found the housekeeper's enthusiastic eulogies about the Darcy family rather straining on their normally buoyant natures.

Elizabeth on the other hand, was simply grateful to embrace the wide outdoors that beckoned her to approach its comforting and more importantly, well covered mantle. She turned to take a last look at the building that had caused her considerable and now laughable distress on first beholding it.

Once the group met together outside the mansion, they were joined by the gardener who also doubled as an unofficial tour guide of the Pemberley Estate.

He spoke little, and pondered chiefly on Mr Gardiner's tipping abilities.

Noticing Elizabeth's pensive mood, Mrs Gardiner broke the companionable silence by commenting on the building's age.

Startled out of her reverie, Elizabeth relied "Oh.. I 'm sure you can ask the gardener about-"

"You called, my dear?" said Mr Gardiner.

Mrs Gardiner laughed. "Noo.. No I meant this 'gardener', not you - Mr Gardiner."

The Gardiners and the gardener shared a laugh and the party began moving towards the woods.

Elizabeth breathed a mental sigh of relief.

"We're out of there...finally!... and out here in the open, I see I was being a bit ridiculous today. To think I was worried this morning that 'He' would turn up here.. that only happens in Kitty's silly romance novellas. That would never happen in real-"

The sounds of hoof beats in the distance brought Elizabeth abrubtly out of her thoughts. Before she could gather her wits, she stared in mute horror as Mr Darcy himself rounded the corner of the building.

Unaware of the consternation he was currently causing in the woman of his dreams, Mr Darcy's thoughts were now focused on more mundane matters.

"...exhausted! I could do with a bath about - AARGH!"

It would be inaccurate to say time stopped.

It continues regardless of the emotions of the human inhabitants that think otherwise, and so it continued now. Nevertheless, as a certain set of eyes caught sight of one another, the fervent belief in that impossible phenomenon rapidly gained strength.

Mr Darcy was clearly shaken and for several moments was simply at a loss. Until the Old Darcy Logic decided to take over his frozen mental processes.

"Stay calm, Fitz. it's probably just an illusion. You're tired, and it's natural to think you're seeing things that are not there..."

He heaved a short sigh and allowed himself the luxury of a small bubble of irrational panic to course through his mind.

"I knew it would come to this sooner or later...Remember Uncle Alaric?.. saw little imaginary black-bearded men everywhere for a month before he was - sent away... Elizabeth.."

In an effort to further reassure himself, Mr Darcy began a quick trot over to the moving group.

The move jerked Elizabeth out of her state of semi paralysis and immediate embarresment set in.
"NOOO! don't walk here, don't walk here! For God's sake, turn around… He's here..."

He finally caught up, panting slightly.

"It is Her! How did she come…? And she's TANNED! but she can't have known about me being here today...she looks even better than those feeble daydreams.."

"Ms Elizabeth..you're here...?"

Clicking an imaginary tongue, he mentally quipped.

"Yes, Master of the gab , of course she is!"

Not being a mind reader, Elizabeth failed to notice the embarrassment in his voice and was only aware of her own increasing.

"Er..y-yes, yes I am Mr Darcy."

"Alone?"

She glanced up for the only time in the dialogue and replied, "No, I have company with me, um..."

Silence descended.

During this little tete a tete, the Gardiners were unaware that their favourite niece was temporarily missing in sight seeing action. This was understandable as they had been deep in discussion over Mr Pott (the gardener's) entertainment suggestions in the country.

Wanting to confirm the time for the following day's egg and spoon racing event at the local parish, Mrs Gardiner turned back to Mr Pott and started.

"Good gracious! This is most peculiar.. the gardener seems to be having some kind of stroke.. oh! who's this?"

Mr Pott, who had been standing with slack jaw and staring with large gooseberry eyes that had initially startled Mrs Gardiner, was fixated on the young couple and their awkward conversation.

"Lor lumme! His nibs! " he thought.

His initial reaction on first beholding Mr Darcy was not a positive one.

Due to the frequency of his trips, the young master was not aware of his gardeners little hobby nor of the financial revenue it bought him and he wished to keep it that way. But ever the gambler at heart, Mr Pott couldn't help but be interested in the little scene playing out before him.

He knew on hidden instincts that he might be on to something.

Meanwhile, Mr Darcy was using the silent interlude to come up with something more intelligible.
"Fitz, now's your chance… if you can't make some intelligent conversation, for God's sakes at least try and put her at ease. She's clearly as embarrassed as you are.."


"I hope that you had a pleasant journey here. When-When did you leave Longbourne?"

"Three weeks ago, I believe."
"What are you doing? You should be flinging me out with a flea in my ear! Why are you being so...polite"

"How is your family? Are they well?"

Elizabeth stared at his buttonhole.

"Who are you, and what have you done with the 'real' Mr Darcy?..this is most unsettling.."

"They are quite well, thank you. "

"What are you doing..um..'how' are you doing for accommodation? Is your room to your liking?"

He almost did not add.
"Because if it isn't, I know just the room that has a pleasant view of the woods and coincidentally is quite close to my private quarters…"

"We have booked rooms at the nearby inn that are quite comfortable."
"Stop talking! Stop talking!"

"Because if it isn't….Oh! will you be in Derbyshire for long?"

Breathing a mental sigh of relief, Elizabeth replied "No! no, we should be continuing our tour again soon."

Switching mental gears, Mr Darcy exercised that intellect he took so much pride in.

"NOO! don't go - Fitz, think of something ! say she's trespassing or something and stop staring at those loose strands of hair caressing that glowing, warm cheek so close...so close you could almost -"

Belatedly, Elizabeth's reply hit him.

"Tour?"

"Yes, I'm travelling with my companions."
She added almost viciously.

"Away from you and this estate with an all empowering desire that this is all just a bad nightmare!"

"You are? Yes! yes, you said. And how long do your companions plan to stay in Derbyshire?"

Elizabeth released a short miserable sigh and felt her spirits plummet further.

"That depends on the number of families we will have to visit...um.. "
"Please! stop tormenting me! If I didn't know any better I'd think you were also embarrassed… I'm the one wishing the well maintained gravel path beneath me would just open and swallow me up…"

Another silence descended.

If there was any doubt that Elizabeth was unhappy, Mr Darcy's pessimistic ears picked up the misery in her sigh and nearly returned it in full to reflect his own sad thoughts.

"She's not happy to be here. That's fairly certain… And I've never seen her look so uncomfortable before... It's because of me…. I'm the one making these very difficult moments for her….but ..I've missed seeing her And she's here! on my gravel path!. .and you've both stopped talking, and are in the presence of witnesses..."

Mr Darcy politely excused himself and immediately took his leave from the ogling group.