Lover's Fool
Chapter 1. Do You Like It; Emotionlessly Gone
Disclaimer, I own this story but not Gravitation.
Warning: death fic, cutting (future), angst, adult themes
OKAY! THIS IS FORLORNSHADOWLILY009 and this is my story lovers fool! I posted it once before but someone reported me for a Naruto fic and my acount got deleted! So if you have read this story or are new to it please read or review again. Thank you so much! This is a pain, I worked so hard on my fanfics and I'm very upset that I have to repost them. I will be reposting every single one of my stories so please be patient if you are one of my readers. Thank you very much. Please review!
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"Do you like it," I ask out loud, my voice hoarse as I bit down on my lips, making them bleed.
"Do you like seeing what you did? Your master piece. Seeing what you have finally reduced me to? Watching me wither in pain under your once captivating eyes, as you walk away with satisfaction of the greatest desire plastered upon your perfect features, while I remain here on the floor frozen."
Tears fall down my already red face, marking it. Making me believe that it is now stained with that misleading color permanently. Even more I now question why the tears continue to fall, considering all the hours that have passed for me to produce them. To produced them for you. Even though I know you wouldn't bat an eye. My crying after all is just another bane to your existence. So what would you say if you saw me now, battered and broken? Laying on the kitchen floor curled up as if trying to disappear from this world.
Would you even care? Would you spare me a glance, a breath, a remark, or even a touch of your cold cool hands? Or would you call me a brat, a child, an idiot. Like you did so many times before, say I was a burden, and my presence was disturbing your precious peace that you so craved. Would you turn away?
You would, because old habits die hard. You have turned away, too many times too count. And each one has cut into me like a knife eager for craving its next victim. You drove me through the fire with your stylish touch and left me there to burn. I took a sip from your devil's cup and this is the cost for my escapade of passion.
And so as I lay here, my limbs lifeless, and my eyes once filled with lacking life and absent of consuming passionate fire now they stare cold and dead into the nothingness of my apartment. I try to recall it all. Recall just how this all happened and how it all went down the drain. How this ended up being my hell.
We were happy, or so I thought. How foolish of me to believe that childish delusion. I do remember a time when you smiled, but it was only to laugh at my own stupidity. Would you be laughing now? I also remembered when I was happy, that seemed like a millennium ago. A time when I would bounce into the room with glee and grab you, smothering you with my arms and kisses.
Then that scowl would appear on those gorgeous features that I once admired so. I knew very well that even through all the cold words and the constant lack of affection that you seemed to usher upon me. That through the glares and the belittling name calling that you loved it, loved me. I made you whole, made you feel alive, and kept you swaying from the bleak edges of your past.
And yet like a moth drawn to a flame, knowing very well it's going to get burned, I gave you my heart, my soul, and ushered from my lips were the endless words of unrequited love and not once did you return it. So in the end, I guess I was wrong. Another blunder to add on my list of failures that seems ready to suffocate me. I was wrong, perhaps you felt nothing for me and I was nothing more than a good screw.
Hn, that was after all what you told me that day. The day you told me to leave, it wasn't the first but it was the last. You said you had had enough; enough of my genki behavior, enough of having a child as a lover. Of someone that wasn't even an adequate fuck.
So why put up with it all? You said get out, your eyes boring into mine, sending shiver done my spine as I stood there crying, begging, eventually yelling back that you were a cold hearted bastard that would never feel anything except hate. Yet I guess you expected it all, we had done it so many times before it just seemed like a routine.
Except I was the one always coming back for more, more of your abuse then apologizing for my actions. A masochist to the end. You knew it and when I came in from work my things were all packed. You picked them and me up, and like that threw us to the curb. With are parting words heavy in the air you said, "Life has no meaning Shuichi. No fairy tale joy. Love is an emotion played by fools. I wish I had never meant you."
With that you turned away just like the first time we met, leaving me again standing there in the cold night air pondering on just what had taken place. Reality sunk in painfully and all too soon, as I stood there shivering. I remained out there for hours, not knowing how long, not caring. Just hoping you rush down those steps and take me in yours arms, stroke my hair, and say it was a mistake and a smile suited me best. But again I was deceived by my own stupidity; I went to Hiro's seeking support and only getting criticisms in return. My heart died that night.
I cried like I never cried before. For days I struggled to remain sane but it became all too much. So what did I do, I ran back to you like a good little dog. Hoping to beg for forgiveness, but again you turned me away like a diseased object refusing to touch. Shutting the door in my face and shouting threats to never come back. So this is what I am, your broken remains.
Another used toy of the great Yuki Eiri. However in my own right the blame must be cast on to me as well, it's not as if they did not warn me of you. Calling me a fool to trust you, a baka to even try, that I didn't know enough about you. Yet they never asked if you knew anything about me. However I didn't care for the insults or warnings, this fool was in love. But don't feel sorry for me, I'll make it all better soon.
TBC…
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