The Shortest Short Stories Ever: Harry Potter Bloopers
By Spectra16
A/N: HELLO! I feel like my fan fiction life is an alternative lifestyle. You know, like the people who work in cubicles and wear a nice shirt and tie to work, and talk about senseless things around the water cooler, and those that complain about their bosses nonstop, and those who listen to Enya (nothing against Enya!). And then after 8 o' clock, the bold ones go to the local bar and take off their shirt while dancing on the table to some old Cream song. Or those who go to ICP concerts or something to that nature. But here I am, and in my writing life, I got onto the staff of my school newspaper (which was no easy feat!) and I won a poetry contest! And here I am, on fan fiction, writing silly little stories about Harry Potter. Anyways. . .
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Chapter Two: Hogmead's Most Wanted
Sirius, being extremely bored in Gimmauld Place, bought an addicting muggle contraption, which usually goes by the name of "TV", which stands for Television. Sirius made himself a foot-high sandwich (which mostly consisted of turkey, sweet mustard, a tomato, a few potato chips, one deck of cards, a pickle, ice cream with those little moose tracks in 'em, fried squirrel thigh, a Coheed and Cambria cd, ice, topped with dizzled rum, and potato bread). Back in school, James and him always made strange sandwiches and drinks that were outrageous. Most of them are now served in the Netherworld Flamingo, a restaurant kitty-corner to the end of the Universe.
In any case, Sirius sat down with his sandwich and lime green drink and took a strange looking wand in hand and pressed down on the button. Hermione had taught him that this button turns the "TV" on, and when you press it again, it turned the "TV" off. Various other buttons did other things, but Sirius found this button to be the most valuable, considering you couldn't use the other buttons without the on/off button. Sirius sat back in his comfy couch and watched what was on the current channel, FOX. Sirius thought it was kind of strange to name a "TV" channel after a fuzzy little creature with pointed ears and a bushy tail, but whatever helped corporate giants sleep at night. Sirius took a big bite out of his sandwich, and his tomato promptly fell onto his lap. Ignoring this, he watched as a familiar face presented himself on the screen.
"We need you to help us catch this bad guy tonight, folks!" A man with gray hair and a leather jacket pointed at the center of the screen. Sirius shifted his eyes, and looked around, hoping that this man was not talking to him directly.
"That's right! A man named Sirius Black," He continued to talk as a picture of Sirius was shown on the screen. "Has been loose for several months, even after he killed 13 people only using his eyes! Watch this clip."
Sirius watched as a fuzzy, black and white film showed Sirius standing at the end of a alley way, and suddenly, 13 people around him dropped to the ground and Sirius ran away. Sirius kept chewing his ridiculously large bite. How ironic it is that some poor guy named Sirius Black is on this show. . .