Always
Chapter 13
A/n: Since I can't reply any other way…
Guest: No, I don't think it's wrong. But:
At the time of Reckoning I hadn't ever attempted anything like this. I'd made Roxas' life horrible and felt a bit bad for him. So, as the story progressed, I wanted things to start going right for him, for the first time when he chooses to start from scratch, to stay with Axel. There's still dynamics in the rate of his successes. He isn't successful at everything, mostly easy things at first. He doesn't see it all the time throughout the stories but Axel limits him, puts him in a protective bubble of sorts. He doesn't recognize just how much Axel does out of motivation to get him to like him, at first either. Later this changes but at first, this is mostly why Axel is good to him in the beginning.
I gave him good health because of what he'd been through. I let him make friends easily because they're Axel approved and because Axel expects the people around him to be nice to Roxas. I wanted to have him see that there's good out there. He was pretty low emotionally and I wanted to build him up. Axel's happy to help him do it, to suggest things for him and to let him decide if he wants it or not, if it keeps him safe. Axel is always trying to keep him on the safe track. I wanted and want Roxas to feel success in what he does and for him to be loved because I had him close to the edge before and knew he'd continue to get tormented throughout however long I write this series. I wanted him to get comfortable, too, and he is. He keeps falling into traps because he thinks he knows the world, he thinks he knows people and how they work, but doesn't. I purposefully made him naïve. Purposefully, he focuses on or gets distracted by his own little bubble, like Axel wants him to in order to make him safe. Axel doesn't realize how damaging this can be. Not yet. So I suppose that yes, I've made Roxas' life pretty good. 'Mary Sue' wasn't and isn't my intent but eh, I guess if you think that, I can't stop you.
xXx
I wasn't sure how much time passed before she came back after taunting me the next day. I wasn't sure why but she seemed to be enjoying playing with my emotions, trying to figure out how to hurt me the most. Maybe she was just that crazy. For whatever reason, she was hell-bent on making me suffer.
I must have finally fallen asleep because I woke when the gag was roughly torn from my face. I groaned at the rude awakening but became fully aware when Larxene spoke.
"Good morning, little slut!" I glared at her sullenly but didn't give in to her taunting. I wouldn't let her hurt me. "What, nothing to say to me today?"
"I have to go to the bathroom," I lied, hoping for the opportunity to escape. She slapped me before cradling my chin in her hand, her sharp nails digging into the flesh. I scowled when she came back into focus.
"You get to do what I want you to do, when I want you to. Ask for anything again and I'll have Setzer take care of you, just the way you like," she said maliciously. I felt a spike of panic, terror rushing through my veins. That, I couldn't handle.
"Why are you doing this?! What did I ever do to you, huh? Why are you so convinced that I'm a slut?!" I demanded for the first time. Larxene gave me a deadly, murderous stare, shoving her gun so far into my mouth that I choked on the barrel.
"Don't tell me, little whore, that you didn't beg for my brother," she sneered. I stared at her incredulously. Beg? I never begged to get violated in my entire life! I never… My train of thought ceased and I was suddenly cold. My sixteenth birthday. The fourth anniversary of when Vexen dragged me into hell…. Seifer… My father had asked Seifer to… Oh God… Seifer… "Oh-ho! The whore remembers!" Larxene crowed, her eyes growing hard, "He remembers how he got my brother killed." Tears trailed down my face before I could stop them and she jerked her gun, crashing it against my teeth and forcing my face upward, our eyes to meet. "It's too late for tears now, little slut," she said, frowning deeply and I knew that I was in trouble. "I'm not in the mood to play anymore," she said poisonously. "Now, it's time for you to die."
I attempted to speak, choking as I did. Her frown only deepened but she hesitated, perhaps she wanted some final act of closure other than wanting me dead. Perhaps it was the sadness, the regret written all over my face. Maybe she wanted to know what had really happened and only I could answer that for her …but for whatever reason, she pulled the gun out of my mouth and allowed me to speak.
I coughed so hard that I gagged. I couldn't stop crying. She waited a moment longer before hitting me across the face with her gun, sneering. "Get it under control, slut, you don't even deserve this!" Catching my breath, I nodded resignedly.
"You're right," I whispered hoarsely, wincing. My jaw hurt badly. "I don't." I told her, trying to stop crying, but I couldn't. "I'm so sorry," I apologized, ashamed at the way my voice cracked. "You're very justified in hating me, so is your family, and you're right," I told her, meeting her eyes, "I deserve this." Larxene's gaze remained hard, her stance firm.
"Don't go bullshitting me to save your ass, little slut." I shook my head.
"I'm n-not," I sobbed, unable to stop crying. "I am very sorry. I understand. You feel the way that Axel did when Vexen killed Reno. I know that my apology can't change anything but I am sorry."
"I want to know why you did it," she hissed dangerously. "Why did you kill my brother!?" I shook my head.
"I didn't," I sobbed, "I didn't mean for it to happen. It wasn't meant to happen, I," I lowered my head, ashamed. "I never wanted any of it."
"What in the hell is that supposed to mean?" she asked sardonically. I shook my head bitterly.
"I never whored myself out," I told her quietly. "My father sold me to Vexen to fuel his habit when I was twelve."
"Yeah," she said sarcastically, "and I bet you got out by seducing Axel." I shook my head.
"Axel killed Vexen because Vexen had killed Reno. He took me in when he barely knew me because I didn't have anywhere to g-go. His bodyguard Xaldin told him that Vexen had been raping me for four years," I said, crying silently, hating that I had to tell her. She paced back and forth a little, her heels clicking with each step.
"Yeah, that sounds like Axel," she said softly, with a fondness in her voice that I'd never heard before, "always the softie." I stared up at her, my face reddening.
"You really loved him, d-didn't you?" She glanced at me, a sadness in her eyes only there for a moment before her gaze hardened.
"I thought I met the love of my life," she replied. "Everything in my life was perfect until his grandfather died and he called off the wedding. Then everything started to go to hell." Empathy filled me, my tears finally stopping and I understood. Her brother had died right after, and then Axel had married me when she thought that I'd gotten Seifer killed and then her father died as well...
"I want you to know that Seifer... I never, never wanted him dead," I told her earnestly. Larxene closed her eyes, listening. "Vexen was sick. He loved buying me on my birthday to commemorate the first time he raped me. He even bought me a few months later so that he could keep me. I couldn't take it anymore so I begged my father to find someone else. Anybody else. I even told him that I would be good because couldn't handle the thought of Vexen doing that to me for the fourth year in a row," I told her, shaking, "So, my father found your brother." I bowed my head and tears slid down my face. She was watching me carefully. "I…" I told her, regretfully, "I never expected Vexen to find out. Never. I swear it."
"I want to know what happened that night," she said calmly, watching me carefully. I nodded.
"We met with Seifer at a nice hotel. I hadn't known but, Seifer had been there to meet with Vexen, to form a partnership." She nodded.
"I remember that," she said softly. "He'd told me that they'd made the deal and he was so proud of himself." I nodded.
"Afterword, he was going to celebrate …with me," I told her, blushing, terrified to lie about anything. "…shortly after we… uhm started," I told her, my face reddening even more, "there was a knock on the door." I closed my eyes, absolutely hating the memory. "Vexen had found out and accused Seifer of trying to steal me from him. He hated sharing me. He was so angry and disappointed because he'd wanted your brother to be his partner. He wouldn't listen to Seifer's denial and he slit his throat, and he raped me as he made me watch him d-die," I bowed my head, sobbing. "I'm so sorry."
Larxene was quiet for a long time and when I looked up again, she had her back against the wall and was crying. She held her head in her hands. "Damn it. If that's true… …Vexen…" she sneered, "pretty much everybody knew he was obsessed with you. That's why I thought you did it on purpose. Damn it, I'm such a fuck up," she sobbed. I shook my head, feeling a spike of hope.
"You didn't know-" Larxene stared at me disbelievingly.
"Yet I was so sure that I was willing to kill you and die if Axel found out, kid! There is no walking away from this. There is no way to make amends. You've been missing for days, I marked up your face, and he already warned me to stay the fuck away from you. Now Axel will kill me, he will kill Fuu, he will kill Setzer because I fucked up. I'm supposed to be a leader and I can't do anything right!"
"He won't!" She shook her head.
"I know Axel, Roxas."
"So do I! He won't hurt any of you, not if I explain!" I argued. She blinked at me.
"Why? Why would you do that?" She asked suspiciously. I hung my head.
"I didn't mean it but, this is my fault. I hurt you deeply. I didn't mean to, but I did, and I'm taking responsibility for it. Please," I begged, "let me make this right." Larxene hesitated. "You don't have to trust me. You don't even know me, I understand, but if you're willing to try then so am I. I don't want anybody to get hurt." Larxene hesitated before wiping her eyes, and walking toward the door.
"I'll think about it, kid." Then, she was gone, clicking the door shut behind her.
xXx
It was a long time before Larxene returned. She had my phone in her hand and was scrolling through it. I watched her, uncomfortably, wondering if she'd made a decision. She hesitated for a long moment, her finger hovering over a certain spot and my heart pounded before she pressed the call button. My heart pounded out of control as it began to ring. It was on speaker phone so that I could hear it. The call connected and I held my breath, feeling hopeful.
"Roxas, where have you been…? Roxas?" There was so much relief in Axel's voice that it made my heart melt.
"Hello, sweetheart," Larxene cooed, "I have someone who belongs to you."
"You crazy bitch! Where is my husband?!" he roared. "I told you not to fucking touch him. I warned you, I-"
"Axel, stop it!" I yelled. The red-head went silent at the sound of my voice. "Axel, I'm okay, so please, please just calm down." A moment or two passed before I spoke again. "Are you alright?"
"I'm calm," he said, but I couldn't read his voice.
"Good, now, I need you to promise me something," I told him insistently. Axel remained quiet and I had a sinking feeling. "I need for you to not hurt Larxene."
"What?! Are you kidding me right now! Tell me you're joking, Roxas!" I frowned, replying stubbornly,
"Promise me!"
"I will do no such thing!" He growled.
"Axel!" I said sharply. "If you hurt her or anyone else you suspect of being responsible, God help me, I'm leaving you!" Larxene stared at me in stunned silence. "You need to let me explain!"
"It had better be good Roxas, or you'll be leaving me." He was furious. "Meet me where we had our first date within the hour. Just you and me, Roxas, or Larxene and I will be having a very bloody battle very soon. You hear me bitch? I will fucking burn you alive," he promised before the line went dead, leaving my heart unbearably heavy. I'd never seen him react that way. Never. Larxene sighed.
"Told you kid," she said, coming up to me slowly and dropping my phone on my lap. I tensed when she whipped out a butterfly knife she'd concealed in her cleavage. She tapped the blade against her lips thoughtfully before opening it. "You've got more guts than I thought, talking to him like that," she said, smiling a little. "I never thought you'd threaten to leave him." Then she sliced my bindings free and all I could do was stare in disbelief.
"Y-you believe me?" She nodded.
"Seifer actually liked you, you know," she told me. I blinked in surprise. "He told me that it was a shame that you were always drugged up." She shrugged. "I guess that's why I assumed you were the addict, but I'm glad that I know the truth now." She turned away, only pausing once she reached the door. Then, she glanced back, "Roxas, I'm sorry. I hope that you can forgive me." She smiled sadly. "Try not to feel too badly if you can't change his mind, okay?" Before I could respond, she was gone.
When I gathered my wits about me, I moved, my hand shakily grasping the doorknob. When I opened it, I was alone, in Setzer's coffee shop. I took a few breaths, still in disbelief that she'd actually let me go, and then I ran out of there as fast as I could, never looking back.
xXx
I got to the ice cream parlor before Axel and sat in our booth, shaking, still processing that she actually let me go, my mind still trying to digest everything that had happened. I was in stunned disbelief. Minutes ticked by and I tensed when there was movement beside me. I was joined but it wasn't my husband, whom I'd been expecting.
"Demyx? Xaldin? What's going on?" I asked, shocked when the blond sat across from me and the raven-hair sat beside me. Neither of them replied. Instead, Xaldin spoke into the headset he was wearing.
"He's safe, boss. Proceed." I stared, piecing what was happening together and tried to launch myself past my friends, over the table, but they caught me and held me still.
"Oh my God, no! Axel don't you dare! Do you hear me?!" I cried, tears streaming down my face. I couldn't let him hurt anybody, not when this had been my fault, I just couldn't.
"Roxas, stop, Roxas!" Xaldin told me as I squirmed. "Don't make me use force," he told me. I bowed my head. Demyx was staring at me in disbelief.
"Why aren't you relieved, Roxas!" he yelled angrily. I cried harder.
"Because this was my fault!" I yelled back. Demyx stared at Xaldin.
"That crazy bitch brainwashed him, Xal!" I shook my head, sobbing, pretending that I'd given up until they believed it. Then, I grabbed Xaldin's gun and pointed it at his groin.
"Let me go!" Xaldin froze, staring at Demyx uncertainly but didn't respond until I clicked off the safety. Then, he hastily complied. The blond stared at me, his jaw dropped. "Give me yours!" I told him. Demyx looked torn.
"We don't want to hurt you, Roxas," he told me. My hand shook.
"Neither do I, so just do it!" I yelled, crying harder. Without another word, Demyx did. When I'd calmed, I took a step back and turned my attention to Xaldin. "Tell Axel to get over here, now."
"Roxas… I don't think that's wise," Demyx advised.
"I don't care. He needs to let me explain!" Nodding slowly, Xaldin did as I asked.
The minutes ticked away and I was unbelievably tense. Everyone else besides Demyx, Xaldin and I had evacuated the building, but no one had called the police. Nobody wanted to piss Axel off.
My tension increased when I heard the little bell on the door chime and familiar footsteps approached me. Axel didn't stop until he was right behind me. I could smell his cologne and feel his body heat, he was so close. I knew he was watching me, assessing the situation, and it made my heart beat crazily.
"That's enough now, sweetheart," he said in my ear so silkily that I almost melted. "Give them their guns back." My gaze hardened on my friends and I shook my head firmly.
"No." Axel let out a soft exhalation and trailed the barrel of his gun up my spine.
"Now, Roxas."
My eyes went wide and I whirled around, pressing both guns against his chest, scowling. I knew that the other two had moved to disarm me because Axel fixed them with a hard look and shook his head.
"Leave," he told them.
"But boss!" Demyx wailed.
"Leave. If it gets back to me that you told anybody about this, I'll cut both of your tongues out." I watched them go and he watched me, eyes hard, all the while. "What exactly are you trying to do, Roxas?" he asked.
"Get you to listen to me!" Axel sighed, glancing down at the guns in my hands before putting his own away.
"You're lucky that we both know that you won't do it," he said.
"Won't I?! You don't know! I could kill you if I wanted to!" I said, scowling.
"If I believed that," he said, grasping my hips and taking a step closer, "you'd be dead by now," he whispered in my ear. My hands trembled and I pressed my head against his clavicle before lowering my arms to my sides and letting the weapons clatter to the floor. "Alright," he said, softly, "you have my attention. Why is this so important to you?" I stared into his eyes, silently begging him to understand.
"You killed Vexen for revenge, right?" Axel's brows furrowed.
"Yes?" My eyes welled up with tears and I angrily swiped them away.
"Larxene thought I killed her brother on purpose. That's why she hated me so much, not because I'm with you. She wanted revenge, just like you did." Axel blinked in confusion.
"How could you possibly do that?" He asked carefully. I took a deep breath.
"When I turned sixteen, I begged my father for someone, anyone different than Vexen. I begged him, Axel. I was ready to kill myself. I couldn't take it anymore. So, he sold me to Seifer, Larxene's brother, instead. When Vexen found out, he killed Seifer, made me watch him die, as he raped me. Larxene thought I did it on purpose to enrage Vexen and get Seifer killed but I didn't! I told her the truth and she believed me …so she let me go. She could have killed me but she didn't!" I looked up into his eyes, praying that he understood. "This was my fault, Axel. She and I are at peace with it now but, it would kill me if you hurt anybody over this. Can't you understand that?"
Axel pulled away pacing a few steps before turning back. "I do, Roxas, but I can't just let her get away with this!"
"Axe, she let me go," I begged him, "she didn't have to but she did."
"I know, and you don't know how grateful I am, but-"
"Then please, just leave it be… I'm begging you." Axel frowned.
"Do you even know what kind of position I'm in right now, Roxas? How do I know she won't do this in the future? How do I know that she won't use you to get to me?!" I shook my head.
"She already knows that she can't make amends. She already expects you to kill her. Please, just understand that it was a misunderstanding… I won't be able to live with myself if you kill her," I told him, my eyes stinging again. "Please."
Axel crossed his arms. "She still needs to pay, Roxas. I won't let her go unscathed." I shook my head.
"Promise me you won't hurt anybody." Axel sighed.
"Roxas…"
"Promise me, Axel!" I begged, feeling hysterical. Axel went to me, hugging me tightly for a long time. Then, he peered down into my face, gently touching the bruise there and making me wince.
"What am I going to do with you?" he murmured, with a sigh as he pulled away again.
"Axel?" Axel took a few steps away from me before shaking his head.
"You aren't getting it. First, you left without telling me where you were going and fell into her trap. Then, what you did today, because you want to defend her? You can't do that!" He replied, looking distressed. "What if that hadn't been Demyx and Xaldin? Do you think it would have gone that well?!" My mouth opened and I searched for the right thing to say.
"I didn't think about that, I was just-"
"No, you didn't!" he shot back. "You're thinking about yourself. You need to understand that sometimes I can't do the things that you want. I just can't."
"I'm sorry, Axel!" Axel sighed, pacing a bit.
"I don't know what to say, Roxas, you disappeared for days, then you pulled a gun on me, on Demyx, on Xaldin, and you want me to just forgive her after what she did, after what she's done," he deadpanned.
"You lied to me! I didn't know what to do and I needed to talk to you!" Axel held a hand up, silencing me.
"I know," he told me. "We were both wrong. What I need you to understand though is that you can't always have your way. I am leading a gang, Roxas. It isn't my job to be nice or understanding. That's why I did what I did." I bowed my head. "I can't just make threats and not follow through. I told her not to touch you, Roxas. If I let her get away with this, then I'm putting a target on your back. If I let you get away with threatening my life, do you even know what that looks like? You're extremely lucky right now that I sent Xaldin and Demyx to retrieve you. They won't tell anybody." I bit my lower lip, feeling horrible.
"I understand."
"Do you?" He questioned.
"I do! I won't do it again!" I promised. Axel looked at me levelly.
"You can't do it again," he replied, leaning back against the wall and crossing his arms. I felt sick in the pit of my stomach as the gravity of what I'd done to Axel fully hit me.
"What now?" I asked quietly. Axel frowned deeply.
"You're going to tell me if you're going somewhere from now on and I will approve of your friends," he said. Our eyes locked and I nodded. "And when you're away from me you're going to have a bodyguard. Do you understand me?"
"Yes, Axel…" I told him quietly. We both fell silent for a long time. "Do you hate me?" I asked him, feeling small. Axel hesitated for a moment before walking up to me. I didn't look at him, even when he stopped in front of me, so he raised my chin with his hand. Then, he leant forward and kissed me firmly. My heart pounded.
"I love you," he told me. I bit my lower lip.
"Will you forgive me?" I asked softly.
"I will," he replied, making me feel relieved, "but first, I need to make sure that you understand what I said to you."
"I do understand, Axel," I protested. Axel stared into my eyes for a very long time.
"We'll see, Roxas," He told me.
xXx
-TBC-