AN: Sorry, went away for a few weeks with no computer. Back now.
Having nobility from both Erebor and the Iron Hills together was a lot for Sigrid to get used to. The bickering, the rivalries, the amount of gossip that spewed out of their mouths, it was taking its toll on her. Between trying to still go down to the school and having to entertain their guests she was feeling spread thin. The shadows under her eyes and the fatigue were beginning to show how tired she was. She had fallen asleep on her little carriage more times than she could count. She didn't complain though, who would she complain to in this strange new life of hers? She couldn't tell her family as they would worry, her new family would worry too, she thought. She used to tell Fíli these things, how tiresome being royalty could be or how infuriating some people where. She used to tell Filli these things in her garden as they watched Tilda play with the mangy cat she had captured years ago.
Now she had hardly seen Fíli alone, she was starting to get used to it. She didn't like it though, his friendship had always made the work she did more bearable. He knew what it was like to go from worrying about when they would eat next to being a royal overnight. Thought Fíli had known about it his whole life, it was different when they had finally reclaimed the mountain. He used to share his week with her but he hadn't done that since before their engagement.
She was still trying to make an effort, but she knew now that he was purposefully avoiding spending time with her alone. What was starting to get to her was that he seemed to have no trouble finding time to spend with others alone. It was just her.
She watched him talking with everyone, his easy manner, his way of directing the conversation to where he wanted. He had grown over the years as a politician and it suited him well. But she missed him more and more each day even though sometimes they sat together or near enough that she really shouldn't feel that way.
Fíli was near enough now, he was sitting with a young dwarrowdam with auburn hair and dark eyes. Lady Amet was everything she wasn't. Her skin dusted with pale freckles and her bow lips curved in the sweetest smiles. She seemed to know Fíli fairly well and seemed to always end up seated next to or near Fíli during formal meals.
It pained her at times to watch them and made her think if she had done the right thing in marrying Fíli. The girl even liked to watch Fíli train, though she wasn't the only one. The crown prince and his brother, of course, drew a crowd every time they were sparring. Sigrid had gone down with Lady Dis one evening and seen them swooning over them as Fíli and Kíli prepared.
It was almost the end of fall and a harvest festival was planned in Dale while the area between Dale and Erebor would host a tournament. Mounted combat, dueling, archery, were some of the events this year. Her and Dis had gone down to the training yard to find Fíli and Kíli when Sigrid had noticed the crowd of girls swooning over them with Fíli and Kíli fighting hard with big moves that were more for show than form. Sigrid had seen the smile on Lady Amet's face, it haunted her the rest of the day. Her smile was all she could see when Fíli sat next to her at a committee meeting.
She went to bed early that day feeling weary and wishing to not think about anything at all.
Now she wished she could escape as every burst of laughter coming from their side of the table was making Sigrid wish she could run. But this was her own dinner and she wanted things to be perfect as she knew all eyes were on her. She had spent the morning baking and helping the kitchens prepare for the meal. She had almost been late as she had to hurry to get ready. She had picked Fíli's favorite meals that he used to eat when he visited her in Dale. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves except her.
Soon it was time for dessert and her plate was taken away still full of food. She had hot beverages with dessert brought in as the mountain was growing ever colder as fall was almost at a close. Sigrid picked at the piece of pie in front of her as everyone dove in. The conversation continued around her as if she wasn't there and she couldn't wait for it to be over.
Soon everyone was finished and the plates cleared, she led them to the sitting area next door so everyone could sit and chat or mill around. It was over, and she felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulders. Lady Dis and King Thorin smiled at her, complimenting her with insisting they couldn't eat anymore. Kíli was badgering her soon enough for more pie. And Fíli was discussing something with Lord Dain. Others told her the baker had outdone themselves and she was fortunate that she had such handy cooks in Erebor. She smiled and thanked them but tried her best not to engage.
When she sat down as far away from everyone she scanned the room. Lady Amet had joined Fíli and Lord Dain as they talked. Sigrid could see the way the young girl was in rapt attention to whatever they said and Sigrid felt her stomach twist.
Kíli joined her, where he found another piece of pie she would never know but he seemed pleased with himself.
"I thought I counted them all, there was just enough for everyone."
"Someone declined dessert so it's mine." Kili dug in and Sigrid shook her head at him. He was so silly when it came to pastries, almost as bad as Fíli.
Sigrid sipped her tea and asked him about what he was going to do in the tournament. He grinned at her, "Well Dale invited the elves so there will actually be some competition for archery."
Sigrid smiled at him knowing who he was really eager to see and they talked about the other events, including the children's race. Tilda was too young for the children's race now, much to her chagrin but most of Sigrid's class would be entering. The prize was a flower crown and a small bag of coins, they were eager and had been running to school every day.
She felt she had enough strength now so she stood, wanting to try to talk to her guests. She regretted her actions almost at once. She was roped into a squabble between a lord from Erebor and a lady from the iron hills, they were arguing over whose champion would win.
"No no no, little Thorin is going to win, there's no doubt in my mind. Have you seen the size of him? I swear he's half man he's so tall.
"There is no way he can best our lads from Erebor, he hasn't even seen battle yet, he's still a babe, barely of age."
Sigrid hadn't met 'little Thorin' and wondered how tall the boy must be. He would be arriving with another small host in a few days, he had stayed behind until the week of the festival.
She eventually calmed them both down by reminding them that they were only a few days away from seeing who was right. In the end, she was witness to their 'friendly bet.' She wasn't sure she could repeat what the stakes were in polite company. Cheeks felt hot and she excused herself quickly from them, stepping out of the room and into the hallway, it was too loud in there anyway. She turned and saw Fíli at the end of the hallway talking to Lady Amet alone. Whatever the conversation Fíli didn't seem too pleased.
They hadn't noticed her though and she watched them as Lady Amet whispered to him only for Fíli to shake his head. She felt like she was intruding, everything seemed like she had walked into an intimate moment. she felt like she should run, she felt like she should go over there and see what this whispered conversation was all about. Instead, she turned and quietly went back inside, drowning herself in a sea of jewel colored dresses and robes.
The servers cleaned up quickly so she couldn't hide in cleaning, she walked out of the room and made her way to her own apartments. Fíli was sitting in an armchair smoking a pipe. He sometimes did this in his own rooms, she could smell the pipeweed as she tried to sleep at night.
She didn't think he'd come to find her, so rare that it happened now, not since the Iron Hills had invaded Erebor. She felt too tired to deal with whatever was going on and she didn't want to think about what she had seen in the dark corridor.
He looked lost in thought when he finally noticed her. His smile was tired and he reached for her hand.
"Dinner went without a hitch love. Everyone complimented your food."
She had gone to him automatically, his hand grabbing hers gently, he squeezed it before letting go. Her fingers burned and she walked towards the kitchen. She needed to do something, anything with her hands.
She set the kettle on the fire and rummaged for her tea tins.
"Lord Dain was impressed with your pie by the pauses at the doorway to her small kitchen, "I had missed your baking, I saw my little brother got a second slice. Any left for me?"
She pulled two cups out while she responded, "No, I only had time to make just enough for tonight."
She looked up to see him watching her as she fiddled around the kitchen. "You'll have to wait till I bake again for more."
She felt steadier when making tea and could feel his eyes watching her. She felt off, things kept slipping out of her hands. Looking up she motioned to the cupboard. There are some biscuits in there in the tin if you want sweets.
He went reluctantly to the door to grab it, still watching her. Sigrid couldn't help but wonder why tonight was the night he finally tried to spend time with her why had he chosen tonight when she was so tired to raid her pantry. She didn't trust herself to take the tray to the table so she grabbed the cups by the handle and sat down in front of the fire.
She kicked her shoes off and tucked her feet under her. Fíli followed her to the sitting room and set the tin of biscuits on the table.
She forced herself to talk, "Did you enjoy your dinner?"
He nodded, "It was fruitful, got to talk to Lord Dain and a few others about something my uncle wants, he leaves it to me to convince others though."
"Did you get anywhere with it?"
"I did."
"I'm sure that will please your uncle."
"He was pleased."
His answers were short, his tone indifferent. Obviously he didn't want to talk about the dinner, obviously, he came only to fight with her. To tell her what else she had done wrong. She didn't want to fight, but she knew it was pointless to stall, she finally couldn't handle it anymore and set her cup down. "Is there something the matter? Is there pie on my face?"
He pursed his lips before saying in a tone Sigrid didn't recognize. "You would have to have had a bite for it to be on your face."
They stared at one another for a long moment before he carefully set his tea aside. "I'm concerned about you. You haven't been eating lately and you seem tired all the time."
Sigrid had always had a quick temper, she could feel it now, the tension in her wrists her heart racing, she tried to steady it. "Wouldn't you have to actually be in my company to know if I'm eating?"
Again Fíli had that look, the one that told her he was hiding something. He used to look the same way when he'd steal food off her plate. "I've been busy, I won't deny that, but I'm not blind Sigrid, I see how you aren't sleeping. It's been noticed by others too, they've come up to me with their concern."
"Who? Your mother? I'm with her constantly and she hasn't said a word." She knew lady Dis wouldn't hesitate to say something to her if she was worried.
His eyes shifted away from her and he stood abruptly. "It doesn't matter who, what matters is that you haven't been taking care of yourself and I'm worried."
Sigrid waited for a few beats before saying the one thing she knew would bring her pain. "Would it happen to be Lady Amet who was so kind enough to show her concern?" He flinched and she nodded. "I see. Well, it's nice to know that while you were talking to her the whole night she thought of me for two seconds."
Fíli looked as if she had struck him, "What is that supposed to mean?"
She stood, shaky at first, her face set. She hated how tremulous her voice sounded,"Does it matter? It's not my concern who you speak with in dark corridors when you think you are alone. Thank you for your concern Fíli, you are right, I am tired."
She walked away with as much dignity as she could muster to her room, closing the door firmly behind her. She didn't bother with taking off her dress, she crawled inside her furs and willed them to get warmer.