Sigrid watched as match after match Fíli fought with frustration and anger seeping out of him. He took no rest between matches and his tiredness was not enough to slow him down.
He was competing in swords and Sigrid felt pity for whoever Fíli was up against. His usual swagger and jokes were gone, he didn't egg the crowd as he would before but they were eating it up. The harder he fought the louder the crowd became. The roars reverberated all around her and the ache in her head became almost unbearable.
Finally, when the last match was called in Fíli's favor Sigrid was the first to begin moving out of the dais. Her guards were on her tail, as usual, they were the same ones she had all day yesterday, Buni and Wul were quiet and followed her without complaint as she left. She had thought to give them the slip but they didn't deserve their captain being upset with them.
She went in search of Tilda, she wanted the comfort of her sister's hand if only for a moment. But she was busy with Eva's sisters. Eva gave her a warm welcome as she ushered her to a seat next to her.
"You're just in time! Bain is going to be up after this one." They were on the field for mounted combat, they watched as a dwarf and elf met on the field atop of a dark freckled ram and a very fluffy horse. Eva took her hand when Bain showed up and while it was not Tilda's familiar one Eva's was welcoming and warm. Eva's sisters were cheering with Tilda as they were of a similar age together and they were the loudest when his name was called.
She felt Tilda lean back and look up to her with a smile on her face, she was having such fun watching all the competitions and Sigrid smoothed down her hair as she would when she was a child. But seeing her with Evas younger sisters she saw yet again how much Tilda had grown.
Bain fought well against a dwarf and was almost knocked out of his seat but he righted himself in time and charged again. He placed, but his arm was bruised, as was Sigrid's where Eva had clung to her. She knew by the sound of the horn that the next field was getting ready to show the next competition and Tilda wanted food before archery started.
They left Eva and her sisters in search of the stalls. There were all sorts of foods to entice them, smells old and familiar to new ones with. Last year Sigrid had set up a stall and a few of the older girls in her school had manned it. They had made sweets and all the money had gone to the kids for winter boots and coats for those who needed it. She wished she had done it this year, but she barely had time for the school let alone food stalls.
By the time they left the stalls, Sigrid was carrying a basket laden with different treats and her purse was empty. She didn't have many things to spend her money on these days, gone were the times she scrimped for the fabric to clothe herself and her family. Now she had a lockbox in Erebor that was more than she could ever spend. Fíli had shown her on the first day in the mountain, informing her that there was plenty more in his accounts if she should need it. She had already set aside a large part of it for her charity with the children, so many of them were going without still for one reason or another.
Buni at some point took the basket of sweets from her and Sigrid thanked him but didn't protest, she was sure it was part of their orders.
Sigrid and Tilda headed to see Kili and Tauriel compete. There were so many archers that they had taken up one of the larger fields, lined up with targets set at different ranges. Lady Dis was there with the lady's of Erebor and the Iron Hills, all dressed in their finery and all bored out of their minds. Sigrid knew she had to sit with them but seeing Lady Amet laughing with the ladies of court threw here off. Tilda gave her no choice as she was eager to share their basket of sweets with everyone. Lady Dis who always doted on Tilda took something with a smile while only those from Erebor took anything. Tilda shrugged as it meant more for her but Sigrid recognized the slight. As did Lady Dis whose eyes had focused hard on the dwarrowdams in front of her.
Thankfully they were interrupted by Fíli who had snatched the basket from Tilda. "Ah little princess, you always know what I need after a fight." He snatched a crusty sweet bread that had sugar dusted on top and sat down next to Sigrid.
Tilda began asking all sorts of questions about his matches as she had been with Eva at the time. Fíli answered her gently and smiled at her enthusiasm.
Sigrid felt eyes on her and she saw Lady Amet smiling at her but it didn't reach her eyes.
The horn sounded and the archers lined up, Kili and Tauriel standing next to each other laughing. With each wave of the banner arrows flew and hit their mark. Soon people were disqualified as they failed to hit the target at all. One by one they saw Kili and Tauriel shoot and they cheered the other on. After one particularly good shot, Kili kissed Tauriel in front of all to see.
Kili and Tauriel made it to the end of the archers with a handful of others who were going on to compete at the brawl tomorrow. The brawl was a free for all on all of those who won their respective competitions. It was a dwarvish tradition that had caught on in Dale. Watching as Kili and Tauriel smiled at one another, the crowd cheering around them but they took no notice, made Sigrid steal a glance at Fíli. His jaw clenched as he clapped for his brother and his betrothed, he left soon after, bowing low to them. He didn't kiss her cheek as he used to nor did he reach for her in any way. Sigrid wasn't even sure if he had looked at her the whole time they sat there.
Tilda dragged her away from the dwarrowdam and Sigrid wasn't sorry to leave them behind. Sigrid didn't think she had it in her for pleasantries.
Instead of seeing the other challenges Sigrid was dragged by Tilda to a puppet show in a pavilion with a dragon made out of paper as a sign. Sigrid's appetite increased as the day wore on and she was grateful for her sister's insistence on the mince pies.
Eva's sisters were also inside and Sigrid sat with Tilda who was almost bouncing in her seat as the lute player strummed along to the man speaking. Two stout puppets with thick beards were moving around whacking each other with stick swords, Sigrid realized too late who they were supposed to be. The crowd cheered as the Fíli puppet won his battle against his uncle shouting to all the room, "My love for the Dragon Princess is greater than my faith in the crown and if you will not yield, my king, I shall cast my crown aside and ask for her hand as a mere tradesman."
Tilda sighed next to her, "I love this story."
Sigrid looked at her incredulously, "It's not exactly accurate now, is it."
Tilda waved her off, "Oh hush, I know you and Fíli are way more boring but this version makes it so much more fun."
Sigrid watched as Puppet Fíli had to then battle the Dragon King, whos puppet was much taller and whose sword was much bigger. When she saw her puppet she cringed, the dress was over the top and covered in shiny stones that glimmered in the light and the voice they used was very dramatic. She watched as their wedding was almost ruined by a gang of orcs trying to kidnap Tilda's puppet. Sigrid could see why Tilda liked it so much. They made Tilda into a tragic heroine and Sigrid had the flashiest dress imaginable.
When it finished, the puppeteers, a man and an elven lady, they brought out a new puppet at the words "And they lived on, happily and in love." It was her again, but now she held a small bundle in her arms.
Her hands clenched hard on her lap as the crowd cheered, her insides turning to ice, wishing she was anywhere but here. Eva's sisters giggled as they looked at her, gushing about how romantic she and Fíli were. All she could do was smile and so she did because sometimes it was all she could do to keep that feeling in her chest from becoming a dull ache.
As Erebor had been in charge of the feast that night Sigrid sat with the King and his guests. Sigrid tried her best to keep the conversation with Lord Dain and his son going, asking them about what they had seen at the tournament so far. There were more challenges than Sigrid could attend. Thorin the younger was young and oftentimes became shy momentarily before his courage would make him continue. When he was the first to ask for her hand in a dance Sigrid was surprised but she agreed. Her toes would forgive her when it was over but it was worth the smile Thorin the younger gave her.
She had never been as tall as her father, brother, or from the looks of it her sister, who had gained on her in recent months. But she did feel short next to young Thorin who was almost taller than her due to the styling of his hair into a thick plume with braids down each side. She eventually got him to laugh when she began muttering instructions to him under her breath. When it was their turn to go down the line young Thorin took a deep breath as if he were charging into battle instead of a dance.
When it was over he bowed low and thanked her before he went in search for some ale. Sigrid spotted Fíli with a group of dwarves at the end of a table and she took a deep breath much as young Thorin had done. Placing a hand at his elbow gently she leaned in close and spoke quietly.
"Would you care to join me for a dance?"
He smiled at her but it didn't reach his eyes, "No, you go and have fun love, I'm afraid I'm in no shape for dancing."
"Not with the way you handled those fights today," one dwarf laughed as he poured a drink for Fíli. Sigrid tried her best to not show her disappointment, kissing his cheek as she said, "As you wish."
She left his side and didn't look back, focusing on the stinging of her eyes and trying to find something or someone to distract her. She spotted her father quickly enough and was glad that her father at least would never deny her something so simple as a dance.
In festivals in the past Fíli and Sigrid would always dance together, making fools of themselves, dancing despite not knowing all the moves at times. She brushed the thoughts creeping into her mind as she spotted her father whose smile was too wide and his cup looked too empty. King Thranduil was always generous with his wine as her father's dancing was any proof. Soon she almost forgot about Fíli as her father spun her around and around as if she were still a little girl. Tilda danced with her when her father was unable and they took turns spinning each other and they soon attracted a crowd of children. Several of them took turns spinning her before she grew too dizzy. Bain took her for a spin, his moves overly formal and his smile broke free from his stoic gaze when he couldn't keep up the pretense.
Sigrid even danced with King Thorin who rarely danced but asked her in his brisk manner. His moves were stiff as she knew his injuries were forever plaguing him so Sigrid followed his lead. She smiled at him at the end and he squeezed her hand as he bowed over it.
Lady Dis didn't dance with her as she was too busy out drinking every dwarf who was willing to challenge her. She watched for a while, as Lady Dis' composure never wavered but her cheeks grew pinker as she took each drink.
A dwarrowdam maid brought her a cup of hot cider that warmed her up though it tasted a bit bitter as she sat and watched Lady Dis hold the conversation, her words clear and unaffected. They discussed a trade caravan heading towards Rohan at the end of winter.
Eventually, Lady Dis won and she seemed perfectly fine until she tried to stand. A few maids came to help her out of the room and Sigrid when in search of Tilda only to find her headache from earlier come back with vigor. Her stomach twisted just as it had the night before and the noise of the crowd grew louder and soon it became too much. She ran out of the great hall and down the corridor to her father's office. She collapsed on the heavy chair, clutching her head.
She sat there till the world around her stopped spinning and her stomach stopped twisting. Her skin quickly became clammy and she desperately reached for the pitcher of water her father kept there. Drinking heavily helped, though she had to stop when her stomach protested yet again. Whatever was affecting her was unbearable and she decided through the fog that she needed to find Fíli.
Fíli's name and his face were all she could concentrate on as she tried more than once to stand. She hadn't felt this ill since she was a child when her mother had still been around, bathing her head with lavender water for days. She wanted her bed and desperately wanted to find Fíli.
Fíli
She had to stop herself with the doorframe, her eyes focusing on the sight before here. Because there he was, there in a darkened corridor was Fíli listening to a dwarrowdam with auburn locks, whose honeyed voice Sigrid recognized through the haze and pain.
"You are the crowned prince and you must do what is best for your people. We all must serve."
The intimacy at the moment clawed at her mind and tried to make her see clearly, but she couldn't. All she knew was that she had to turn back and she clumsily did. Leaning against the cold plastered wall she felt so confused. Soon the dizziness took hold of her, knees giving out she crumpled to the floor.
She faintly heard the murmur of Fíli's voice fade. Her stomach twisted painfully and she brought her knees up willing it to stop. Tears streamed down her face and her head pounded like a drum at her temple. She cried silently, alone in the dark.
Through the fog she saw Bain hovering over her, him lifting her with ease, and snow falling on her burning face. She heard the humming of her mother as she bathed her head and the smell of lavender all around her. She heard the shouting and cursing and hands on her, small and gentle hands. Murmuring and finally, only her mother's humming could be heard all around her.
Sigrid dreamt of her grandmother as she took her final breath, her father's crumpled form as he wept, her mother kneading dough, flour floating in the air like snow. She dreamt of the sky turning red, smoke and ashes in her mouth as the world burned. No way out.
In her dreams, the world spun and changed rapidly and she couldn't cling to any part of it. When her eyes finally opened to the waking world she breathed heavily wishing for water. Heavy blankets covered her and her hand went to her temples, still sore and muddled. The fire was still burning as if someone had added more wood even at the late hour. Sitting up she flinched at the pain that spread through her whole body. She was alone and Sigrid wondered for a moment where she was. Eventually, she recognized her room in her father's house, it seemed like every blanket in the house was on top of her and she tried to reach for the cup of water on the side table.
Voices in the hallway let her know that the whole house was awake and she debated on calling out to let them know she was there. Hearing Fíli she stopped herself, feeling tired all of a sudden. Sinking back into the blankets willing herself to disappear, to drift again. But the voices grew louder.
"She needs a healer!"
"A healer will come in the morning, but if you haven't noticed the whole valley is asleep, as is Sigrid so keep your voice down."
She turned towards the door, seeing the light and shadows playing under the door.
A different voice, placatingly said, "Fee calm down, it's almost morning and she will be seen but you need to be calm. She's probably caught a cold, you said she's been feeling poorly for days."
"Which is why she should have been taken to Erebor so she could be seen right away."
"You weren't there! Would you have me look all over for you before I got her help?"
"I went home and she wasn't there, I thought the worst!"
"She was asleep on the floor burning up when I found her. I wasn't going to drag her up the mountain when my father's house was much closer. I did what my sister needed, what I'm sure she would have asked for. If you have a problem with that then you should have been there when we were all looking for you."
"Enough." Sigrid realized that Tilda's normally sweet voice was like iron. "You are going to wake her if you haven't already. She needs rest and if either of you can't stop your bickering I will have you thrown out of my house."
"Tilda…"
"No, I don't care, take it downstairs, go outside, I don't care but get out of this hallway now before I drag you out myself."
The door opened and Tilda came in with a bundle in her hands. When she saw Sigrid's eyes Tilda glowered back at the door. She set everything down and began fussing around her quietly. She helped Sigrid sit up before handing her a cup of water.
"That husband of yours is in a fit state. I thought Bain and him were going to come to blows. He's losing his mind, I should go tell him you're awake."
Sigrid reached for her hand to stop her. "No, please."
Tilda gave her a strange look but nodded, concentrating on her task at hand. She helped Sigrid get dressed in something more comfortable and took the pins out of her hair. Braiding it to one side to get it out of the way. By the time Sigrid put her head back down sleep was quick to take her. The humming followed her in her dreams.
When she came to again it was still dark outside. A chair had been pulled up to one side and Fíli was slumped in it still in his clothes from the feast. His sleeves were rolled up showing a scar on one arm, spidering towards his shoulders. She found her fingers trailing the path, they were old scars, long since healed but she had never noticed how long they were. She looked up to his face and saw him looking at her, dark shadows under his eyes.
Looking back down at his scars she murmured, "Were these from the battle?"
His voice was gravelly, "No. They're from when I was a dwarfling." He ducked his head to meet her eyes. "We were so worried Sig…"
She shook her head, "Over nothing, I feel fine now." Sitting up and taking her hands with her. "I didn't mean to worry anyone."
"Sigrid, I thought the worse." His face was so earnest that Sigrid had to look away. Reaching for her cup of water Fíli handed it to her, he was watching her every move. "I couldn't find you in your quarters and one of your guards came back without you, saying you had taken ill." He took a deep breath. "I panicked."
She shook her head again, wishing she hadn't as an ache reminded her just how tender her head was. "I heard, you were pretty loud. Tilda wasn't amused."
He pursed his lips, "Yes, she was quick to remind me, you have no idea how much I had to beg to be let into my own wife's room. She's been spending too much time with mother."
Sigrid ran her fingers over the rim of her cup, "My brother was upset too."
Fíli took the cup from her gently, covering her hands in his much larger ones. Squeezing gently, "I'll apologize when I see them I just honestly didn't know what to do. By the time I found out you'd been gone for a while and they wouldn't let me see you."
"My brother said they couldn't find you, weren't you still at the feast?"
As she said it, she could see Fíli standing there, in another dark corridor with Lady Amet. At the moment she had felt so confused and dizzy to understand just how close they were standing. The pressure she felt in her chest became an ache that grew the longer he stayed silent. She was too tired to deal with the feelings that clawed at the edges of her mind, too tired to hear what he had to say, just too tired.
She took her hand away from his and rubbed her face, willing the tears that were threatening to fall to go away. There was no point in asking where he was, she didn't want to know, she felt like a coward, hiding behind her hands instead of facing him.
He tried to speak, "Sigrid I can…"
Sigrid shook her head, regretting it instantly when her head began to throb. "It doesn't matter now, I don't…" she shuddered, "I think we should get some sleep."
She dared a look in his direction and the pain she saw there made her wish that they could just go back to the way things were before. To when they would do nothing but smile at one another and tease one another. The distance between them grew as she patted the spot next to her.
He nodded, kicking off his heavy boots and came to her other side, sitting up over the covers and draping an arm around her. She leaned into him, listening to his breathing. "You're right. It's going to be a long day ahead of us."