Mr Jordan And The Polite Demon

by SuperBear

When a man asks a demon's help to perform repeated acts of revenge, the demon insists it be done in a tidy manner. With a tongue-in-cheek approach to the fantastic (and revenge), this story could be an episode of "The Twilight Zone" or "Alfred Hitchcock Presents." Read it and decide for yourself.

"I made it," the man panted as he stepped into the cave entrance.

"You did indeed."

The voice surprised the man. He expected a voice that was shrill, screeching, shrieking. You know, like in a movie or a cartoon. (Were there demons in cartoons?) This voice was deep and rumbling with a measured tone. There was something in the voice that was courteous, considerate, reasonable.

That must be why they call him the Polite Demon, the man thought.

Even though he had climbed up a mountain in freezing cold, the man felt good. He felt okay somehow.

The demon spoke again.

"Welcome, Mr. Jordan. Or should I call you 'Jordy?'"

The man's shoulders shot up. "How did you know-?" As his shoulders went back down, Jordy laughed. "You're a demon. You probably know all kinds of things."

"I do indeed. I know, for example, that you've been reading a lot of books on the supernatural and the occult in an effort to find me."

"You bet I have!" At ease once again, Jordy stepped closer to the figure. With only one lit torch in the cave, the dim light made the figure a mere shadow. "Quite a climb!" Jordy said in his laughing voice. "Whew!" He blew out a blast of breath. "Nearly took a fall at one point."

"Yet you've made it. You are here with me now."

"You bet!"

With his smile dropping a little, Jordy leaned in for a better look. What he saw looked like a giant frog with patches of scaly red skin and bulbous bug-like eyes.

"You're not what I expected." When he spoke, it sounded to Jordy like he disapproved of the demon. Instantly, he regretted sounding that way. He didn't want to offend a demon.

If the Polite Demon was offended, he didn't say so.

"'Not what you expected.' Hmm." He lifted a finger, which was like a thin tree branch, and it twitched as he waved it at his giant face. "Is that a good thing, Mr. Jordan?"

Jordy shrugged his unimpressive shoulders. "It makes it easier to relate to you. If you can do what I want, we won't have a problem."

"Oh, won't we now?" Jordy couldn't tell if the demon's voice was a little more sinister. Maybe it was just the demon trying to be funny.

Still, Jordy was relieved when the Polite Demon resumed a more normal even tone.

"What is it you want exactly, Mr. Jordan? I know, but it would still be polite if you told me."

As he steeled himself, Jordy took in a very deep breath. "I want to kill someone."

"Oh, is that all? And you want me to do what exactly? Give you a gun? Drive the getaway car?"

"It's a little more complicated than that, Mr. Demon sir." Jordy made a face. "By the way, what do I call you?"

"My demon name is unpronounceable by human standards, and quite frankly, I get tired of humans mangling it. You may simply call me 'Joe.'"

Jordy's face lit up, even there in partial darkness. "Jordy and Joe! What a team we can be!"

"Quite so," Joe said in a droll voice. "Now tell me what you want."

With half his face in shadow, Jordy narrowed his dark eyes. "This person I want to kill. I don't want to kill her just once. I want to kill her over and over again."

Imagine there's a camera that quickly and abruptly pans to another part of the cave. A man in a suit offers a cordial but slightly stiff smile. The man has thick eyebrows and holds a cigarette. When he speaks, his speech patterns are a little stilted but his words are wise with an almost poetic quality.

"Allow me to introduce you to Mr. Joe Jordan. 'Jordy' to his friends. Of which, unfortunately, he has very few. He does, however, harbor a horrible grudge in his heart. And while his new demon friend may appear to be friendly and accommodating, he is anything but. All of which will become shockingly obvious as we traverse this dangerous and unusual section of 'The Twilight Zone.'"

Once the thick-eyebrow man finishes speaking, the camera pans to another man. This man briefly stands in profile then turns to face the camera. He is a bald rotund man in a suit, and his lower lip seems to be in a permanent state of curl.

Though the rotund man has a serious almost grim look on his face, there is also something in his face that hints at mischief and mirth.

"Good evening," he intones solemnly while somehow seeming not altogether entirely solemn. "In keeping with the theme of tonight's episode, in which a man kills his old high school tormentor over and over again, I shall devise ever more ingenious and diabolical ways to dispense with some particularly nefarious childhood bullies."

Here, the man turns and nods toward the cigarette-smoking thick eyebrow man.

"Don't worry. I won't do any harm to our 'Twilight Zone' writer-creator associate. I would not wish to do anything to endanger our partnership. Tonight's episode seemed suitable for both our programs so we have entered into this joint venture."

The man rests his hands on his suit jacket and once again speaks in a solemn-yet-not-solemn manner.

"You and I will now have a few minutes to plan our endeavors, murderous or otherwise, while we endure this interruption by our sponsors."

Cut to an image of an open door against a starry background. Inside the door is a drawing of the rotund man in profile. This image is accompanied by a suspenseful music sting.

Now cut to a live-action shot of a ghoulish head with a shock of wild hair similar to that of "Doc" Brown from "Back To The Future." The face on the head bears some resemblance to that of the Crypt Keeper from "Tales Of The Crypt."

As the grotesque figure speaks, the skull-like jaw moves up and down violently while fiery eyes roll around rapidly. The voice is shrill and shrieking.

"Hey! I'm Crazy Eddie! The wish-granting demon whose prices are INSANE! Why go to some other demon who demands your entire soul? I'll make your dreams come true for less! I'll settle for a little subservience or even a bunch of poker chips! Crazy Eddie! My prices are INSANE!"

As we return to the program, eerie music plays while the opening credits roll.

The part of Jordy is played by an actor much like Joe Pesci while the part of Kelly is played by an actress much like Rachel Weisz (sans the British accent). The voice of the Polite Demon is similar to that of Stewie from "Family Guy."

We return to the episode.

The demon rubbed a stick-like finger against what was presumably his chin. As he moved out into the light—what little there was from that single lit torch—Jordy saw that the demon looked a lot like Jabba the Hutt, just red and scaly in some places. Otherwise, he was mostly tan-colored and slug-like.

"So let me see if I understand this," the demon said. "You have someone you want to kill. And you want to kill her over and over."

"Yeah," Jordy said blithely, unblinking.

"And you said you wanted to kill 'her.'"

"Yeah, that's right."

A pause. A little chin-rubbing. "Pardon me, Mr. Jordan, but don't you think that's just a trifle misogynistic?"

Jordy blinked. "Depends. What is that? 'Mis-ah-gin-'"

"Misogynistic," the demon said patiently. "It means a hatred of women."

"Nah!" Jordy said, waving a dismissive hand. "It's actually very equal rights. The way I figure it, if someone is a jerk, you should kill them. And it doesn't matter if they're a man or a woman.'

The giant head wrinkled up as it drew back. "You really think so?"

"Oh, yeah! I don't discriminate against nobody. Just jerks. And if you're a jerk, it doesn't matter if you're black, white, man, woman, gay, straight, West Indian hairdresser, whatever. I could go on."

"I would prefer you not."

Jordy smiled. "See? That's why they call you the Polite Demon."

"I am that. But I am also the Master of Illusion." The demon's large mouth formed what Jordy assumed was a giant smile. Hoped. Hoped was a smile. Jordy had to admit it: the guy was weird-looking. But who knew? Maybe by demon standards he was actually okay-looking.

A noise from the demon. A laugh maybe, though it sounded more like a car having engine trouble.

"You know, Mr. Jordan, when you first mentioned you wanted to kill someone, I thought, 'How mundane.'"

Jordy shrugged. "You got a way we can do this? I was thinking, I don't know, I kill her, you bring her back?"

"I can't bring someone back. But this idea that you don't discriminate. It is a very liberal point of view. Very liberal indeed."

"Thanks."

"Hmm. Yes," the demon said absently. The stick-like finger once again rubbed the giant chin, now covered with gray slime.

"What you propose is quite interesting."

"Thanks. Again." Another shrug along with a bashful smile. "I try to be interesting."

"You are." Was that a chuckle from the demon? "Before I consider your request, I shall need to learn more."

With another slight shrug, Jordy laughed a little. "Don't you already know?"

"I know a great deal but not everything, of course. In any case, telling me about your situation will help you clarify what it is you want. "

The demon assumed the form of a comic strip psychiatrist, with a goatee on his bloated chin and glasses hanging from a bulbous nose. He tapped a pencil against a pad. Jordy had seen such a figure in books his father owned. Back when his father was happy.

Of course he found that book in the attic where he nearly lost a finger to a mousetrap.

Jordy had also read that the Polite Demon could appear in different forms. But to see it was amazing.

"If you like this, Mr. Jordan, you may like these as well."

The demon appeared as various movie characters. First, he appeared as a grim-faced cowboy. Then a middle-aged man with a dazed look, his eyes turned up at the cave ceiling. Next was a man in a white lab coat with a shock of wild white hair, like he'd just been electrocuted. Finally, the demon reverted back to the psychiatrist form.

"Amazing," Jordy said, all wide-eyed.

"Yes, quite so," the demon said. "Now! Let's focus. What you tell me will form the basis of our contract."

Jordy was a little nervous about that word "contract."

"Besides being a demon, you a lawyer?"

"I am not. But some lawyers are among my very best servants."

Jordy held up a warning finger. "No tricks."

"Of course not. Now please, tell your story."

Jordy was prepared for this. How many times had he rehearsed the story in his head, even spoken it out loud while he was alone in his room?

Thus, Joe Jordan launched into his tragic tale.

"When I was in high school, I got picked on a lot. On account of being so short, for one thing. I had people calling me names, people hitting me, sticking my head in the toilet, giving me wedgies. The usual."

The demon nodded his giant head.

"But one person really stood out to me. Kelly Koward. She called me up during my brother's funeral to ask if he died of AIDS."

"Tsk, tsk," the demon said as he shook his head.

"Rob shielded me from a lot of the abuse by my father. And from Kelly, too. Once he was gone, I was the one who showed up at school with all the bruises inside me. My old man just put me down. If I'd had bruises on the outside, the teachers would have had to do something. Instead, I was just the victim of a kind of in-between evil that no one really cares about and there's no help for."

A large frown seemed to form on the demon's giant lips.

"One teacher, when he saw how sad I looked, just said, 'Got in another fight, Jordan?'"

As the demon's eyes widened, Jordy's eyes became distant and haunted.

"Through all this, Kelly was the one who taunted me all the time. If I went down another hallway to get away from her, she and her friends would just follow me, find me."

The demon now assumed the form of a movie director complete with goatee, megaphone, and folding chair. Jordy wondered if the demon was mocking his pain. Or maybe just trying to distract him in a humorous way.

But then something like a movie screen appeared on a cave wall, and an image appeared on the screen.

There was a younger Jordy with more hair but a scowl on his face. Hunched over, he walked down the hallway. Four girls laughed. They were all wisp-like waif-like creatures, each one in designer clothes. They giggled like Munchkins.

The one who stood at the forefront was no less wispy or waif-like but there was something in those heavily made-up brown eyes, a nastiness, a power.

"Leave me alone, Kelly," young Jordy murmured. "Just go away. Leave me alone.."

Next to tall Kelly, Jordy looked like a Munchkin.

"Hey, Jordy." The voice was like nails on a chalkboard. "Who else in your family has died of AIDS?" As she pursed her lips, she spoke in a mocking pouting tone. "Oh! Don't you have any friends? I'll be your friend. Old buddy. Old pal."

As Kelly tapped Jordy on the back of his plaid shirt, the girls once again giggled like Munchkins. Higher this time.

In the image, young Jordy scowled as he curled up his fist

The image dissolved.

"I can see why you'd want to kill her again and again."

"Right? Anyway, once I got out of high school, I joined the Army. Things went okay there for a while." Jordy's story now came out in a great stream. "But then a sergeant wanted me to be mean to people as a way to teach them. I didn't like that idea People were mean to me in school, and I didn't learn nothing."

"Certainly not good grammar."

"Hey! Watch it! Besides, that's just an act."

"My apologies, Mr. Jordan. In any case, feel free to be yourself with me." The demon again tapped his pencil against the pad. "So you were in the Army. Your sergeant was getting on your case, and you slugged him. You were dishonorably discharged and you fell in with some old Army buddies and became part of a theft ring."

"That's right. When we sold to some Navy guys, we got busted by a guy named Gibbs. So I spent some time in prison. Once I got out, I worked some pretty bad odd jobs. I feel like I ended up the way I did because of people like Kelly." Another shrug with a frown. "Not exactly a great story for a movie."

"I know you like movies."

"Yeah. But I couldn't be a part of that. So since I got nothing else in my life, I want to kill Kelly over and over again."

Jordy expected a pause from the demon. Instead, he said, "I think I can help you."

Jordy lit up. "Yeah? How? How would it work?"

The demon made a smacking noise, which quite frankly, grossed Jordy out a little. Plus, there was that smell. Like something dead Or worse. What was that, burnt flesh?

Wait, I got to be careful, Jordy thought. He can sense my thoughts. Oh! He can sense that one, too.

"It's quite all right, Mr. Jordan." The Polite Demon sounded soothing, calming. Kind of ironic, Jordy thought. Most people in his life hadn't bothered to soothe or calm him. But here was a demon doing it.

Jordy smiled a smile of relief.

"You're very agreeable, aren't you? Maybe they should call you the Agreeable Demon."

"Ah! But I am the Polite Demon, a title I wear with pride. I am also the Master of Illusion. If you do not like this form, I can appear in another form that's more agreeable."

The demon appeared as Rod Serling then Alfred Hitchcock.

The demon then appeared as a giant cartoon mouse followed by a very large Kermit the Frog.

"I like Jabba the Hutt just fine," Jordy chuckled agreeably.

"Very good." The demon returned to that form. Jordy winced as the demon made that smacking noise again. "Let's discuss how I can help."

"Let's!"

"What I shall do is send you into 'alternate worlds.' Parallel dimensions. Alternate probabilities or alternate realities, if you will." Joe snapped his stick-like fingers as he struggled to explain. "In each case, you will, in a sense, 'enter another dimension.' Something your science teacher probably never bothered to discuss." He laughed, low and growling, just as Jabba the Hutt would laugh. "Though in another reality or dimension, your teachers do explain it." He laughed a little more then cleared his throat.

Jordy glared. "My science teachers were jerks! Like all my teachers."

"Yes, of course," the demon said in a calm yet sympathetic voice. "In each of these other dimensions, you will encounter some version of Miss Koward where her life went in a different direction."

"A bad one, I hope," Jordy grumbled.

"Whether good or bad, you shall have the opportunity to kill her."

"All right!" The little man shook triumphant tiny fists.

"I shall even give you the power and the tools you meed to murder her in each individual situation."

"That'd be so great, so cool!"

"But wait! There's more!" As he spoke in a deep announcer voice, the demon sounded almost giddy. It was weird to think of a demon having a sense of humor. "Besides transporting you instantly into each situation, I shall even whisk you away afterwards so you avoid any possible consequences!"

"Yes!" Jordy was jumping up and down and kicking his feet like a football player who just scored a touchdown. "I knew you were worth all the trouble of finding you!"

The demon's stick finger shot up sharply. "There is, however, one condition."

Jordy groaned, long and loudly. "I knew there'd be a catch." He stopped, blinked, smiled. "Oh, wait. You just want my soul."

"That is a given."

Frowning, and eyes darting off to his left, Jordy waved a dismissive hand. "Yeah, yeah. Go ahead and take it. What good has a soul ever done me?"

Those big bug-like eyes blinked rapidly as the demon's giant lips formed a smile. "I like your spirit, Mr. Jordan. You have the attitude of some non-believing ministers. Along with some lawyers, those sad creatures are some of my very best servants."

"Yeah, well, I try to be helpful and cooperative. And interesting!" There was once again the bashful twitching smile and the shuffling of tiny feet.

"You succeed admirably, Mr. Jordan. Yes, giving me your soul is one condition. There is another."

"And what's that?"

"There must be no bloodshed."

"What?" he shrieked.

"Murder is one thing. We must not leave a mess."

Tiny extended palms went up along with his shoulders. "That's going to seriously limit what I can do!"

The giant lips now formed a frown. "Perhaps you misunderstand, Mr. Jordan. In addition to the other services I offer you, I will arrange conditions so no blood flies out."

Jordy considered that for a moment then he laughed. "That'd be great! That would actually make this a lot easier."

"Then we are agreed?"

"You bet we are!"

Joe waved a hand of branch-like fingers, and a parchment scroll floated near Jordy's head. "You might appreciate this little bit of business from 'The Little Mermaid.'"

With a stretchy-face smile, Jordy nodded. "Yeah, it's cool."

"Sign the contract, please."

Jordy's forehead wrinkled. He looked puzzled as he waved his hand uncertainly. "How do I-?"

"Just point your finger."

Jordy did so, and his signature appeared in golden glowing letters. The glow promptly swallowed up the parchment, and it disappeared with the loud sound of water going down a drain.

Wide-eyed Jordy drew his head back a little.

"Off you go," Joe said sharply with another wave of his hand.

Jordy felt a jolt to his back and a little sickness in his stomach as he lurched slightly. When he looked around, he saw he was in an office, a cubicle city with all the cubicles neatly lined up. With an involuntary "whoo" sigh, he thought how getting somewhere this way, instantly, was a lot better than climbing a mountain any day.

No sooner had he uttered an appreciative "whoa" as he glanced around than someone with a squawking voice spoke sharply.

"Can I help you with something, sir?"

Kelly!

Yes, she was a little older, even a little wrinkled. (Too much time in the sun?) But yeah, it was Kelly all right. He could tell by the snotty tone of voice.

Jordy tilted his head as he examined her. She wore Clark Kent glasses on a bulbous nose. That was the weird thing about Kelly. If she didn't have money, she'd be treated like a nerd. Because she sure looked like one.

Even the principal stood up for her. There was that time Jordy told her to knock it off, and Kelly and her three friends went crying to the principal, claiming that Kelly felt threatened. Apparently Kelly and her friends could cry on command.

The principal was an overweight ex-jock with an obvious hairpiece, and when he frowned, it looked like he had jowls. He frowned deeply as Jordy complained about all the things that had been done to him, even the firecracker that went off in his locker. (He could have lost an eye; it sure hurt one ear for a while.) Kelly claimed that had been done by someone else (which was probably true). Jordy described all the ways Kelly and her friends had been bugging him. Through it all, the principal looked bored.

Finally, the big schmuck took in a deep breath and spoke.

"Why don't you just leave Kelly alone, all right?" he said finally.

"Can I help you, sir?" older Kelly said tersely, with added impatience.

Jordy did his best to look and sound sinister. "I just wanted to look you up….old buddy, old pal."

For a moment, Kelly looked afraid then she lifted a brown pimpled chin.

"Sir, if you don't leave, I'm calling security."

Hate flooded Jordy inside. Obnoxious Kelly, who got help from the principal. He reached out his hands and grabbed her and….

Nothing.

Older Kelly narrowed her eyes in a cool stare.

"Really?" she said.

Jordy applied pressure. Still nothing.

Dirty lousy demon, he thought. This was all a trick. The stupid thing tricked me.

Of course he would! The jerk was a demon!

"Hold on there, Mr. Jordan," a voice said.

Jordy watched in amazement as his hands grew into giant green hands. Hulk-hands! They wrapped around Kelly's neck, Kelly made a slight gagging noise, her eyes rolled ceiling-ward, and she collapsed with the sharp sound of bone hitting floor.

Jordy barely noticed. He was too busy looking at his giant green Hulk-hands and laughing hysterically. As he glanced around, he saw the cubicle-dwellers, all standing and staring at him, each drawn face etched with a look of fear and horror.

In the blink of an eye, Jordy was back in the cave.

"I did it!"

"Yes, you did, Mr. Jordan. Despite your doubts about me."

"Yeah, sorry about that." At first, he smiled sheepishly then maniacally. "Hey, can we do it again?"

Next thing he knew Jordy was in a diner. A man at the counter argued that he was a Venusian with three arms while the man behind the counter argued he was a Martian with a third eye.

"What'll you have?"

It was Kelly. Now as a waitress. She had the pink uniform, the apron, the little hat that looked like a paper tiara or a nurse's cap. Everything but the mole. She had pimples on her forehead. Jordy had never known Kelly to have pimples. Was she getting exposed to too much grease from the kitchen?

Amazingly, she was even smacking gum.

"Look, mister, you can't just sit there and stare at me. You gotta order something or you gotta leave."

How had Kelly been reduced to this? Working in a diner with crazy people?

Kelly blew brown curls away from her pimply forehead.

"I don't need this. I got a baby to take care of," she muttered under her breath. She turned sharply on her white heel and shouted in a loud voice. "Mel!"

Once again, Jordy swelled up with hate and anger. It was one thing to be ordered around by office Kelly, he sure wasn't going to be ordered around by waitress Kelly. He grabbed the nearest knife. Unfortunately, it was a butter knife.

But as he watched, the knife turned into a great sword, one with a gold handle encrusted with jewels of red, blue and yellow. Jordy swung it, and the Martian guy at the counter screamed as Kelly's head landed with a sickening thud.

Jordy was back in the cave laughing maniacally.

"Who knew killing someone could be so much fun?"

"Perhaps you missed your calling as a serial killer, Mr. Jordan."

"They didn't exactly discuss that on Career Day."

"Like some ministers and some lawyers, serial killers are among my very best servants."

Jordy raised his fists and shook them. "Let's do it again."

Now Jordy was in a park, and Kelly came walking by in a track suit. Jordy rose from the bench where he was seated.

"Hey, Kelly. Old buddy, old pal."

She blinked at him. "Do we know each other?"

"We went to high school together."

"Oh," she said apologetically, eyes shifting downward. "You'll have to excuse me if I did anything to offend you. I was drunk most of the time. I wouldn't even remember."

Jordy scowled. She didn't even remember what she did? And her excuse was she was drunk?

She shrugged and smiled as she adjusted her glasses. "I'm really sorry. But I'm sober now."

Jordy bared his teeth in a vicious scowl. "Apology not accepted," he growled.

Angrily and violently, he beat on her with giant Hulk-sized fists. As she lay on the ground, Jordy lifted those fists to the sky.

"Let's speed this up!" he shouted.

Jordy then went twisting and turning from one situation to another.

In one case, Jordy ran through what looked like a deserted ghost town, where the only residents seemed to be….mannequins.

"Is anybody here?" he shouted.

"I'm here!"

Jordy saw that it was Kelly running toward him, waving frantically. She seemed to be having trouble running in high heels, she stumbled a little. She wore pearls and a Jackie Kennedy type dress and one of those pill hats.

"Bang!" someone shouted.

Jordy turned and saw a freckle-faced little boy pointing a gun at him. Wresting the gun from the kid-"Hey!" he shouted—Jordy pointed it at Kelly and fired. He didn't even watch as she fell.

After a brief sinister chuckle, Jordy was off to have other murderous adventures.

When he returned to the cave, Jordy excitedly shared some of his experiences.

"In one world, Kelly was living in a bombed-out city. She was the last person living there, and she was looking forward to spending all her time reading. Reading! Can you believe that?" As Jordy shook his head, Joe simply blinked in response. Maybe there was a little bit of a smile on his giant mouth.

Jordy spread out his hands, his face all wrinkled up with a Joe Pesci type smile. "But then guess what? Her glasses fell off! She couldn't read a thing! Even though she had all the time in the world. " He snorted up a brief laugh. "She actually started crying about it! I could have just let that be her punishment. But I decided to put her out of her misery instead."

"How very merciful of you," Joe said in his most droll voice yet.

"'I know, right?' As Kelly would say. Or used to say," Jordy chortled. "On another world I killed her in the shower."

"That's been done before," Joe noted.

"I know. Not very original but still fun. But then on another world I dragged her to the top of a bell tower. She kept screaming how she was afraid of heights. She had that thing. What do you call it when you're afraid of heights?"

"Vertigo," Joe noted crisply.

"Yeah, that's it! But the best part was when she was running through a field, and I got to shoot at her from an airplane." He gestured firing weapons as he made machine gun noises. Then he laughed some more, loudly and heartily, hands on his shaking belly. Even when he stopped, he bent over as he talked. "Isn't it amazing I'd be in situations just like in the movies?"

"Amazing," droll Joe said. When he sighed, his whole body heaved and layers of fat rippled through it. His voice then became quite serious. "Mr. Jordan, we have some serious matters we must discuss."

A commercial break follows.

Bur first this little bit of business:

A music sting from "The Twilight Zone" is followed by a bit of suspenseful music from "Alfred Hitchcock Presents."

Once again, we see the open door against a starry background, an image representing "The Twilight Zone," along with a drawing of Alfred Hitchcock's profile.

After this brief bit of music and imagery is concluded, and the door/profile image is gone, you are free to insert your favorite commercial, old or new.

You might consider "Where's the beef?" Or perhaps one of those delightful Energizer bunny commercials.

If more current commercials are your taste, consider Flo and her friends from Progressive. Or LiMu Emu (and Doug!) While she doesn't advertise insurance, Lily Adams from AT&T is quite adorable and wonderful.

Do whatever you like in this regard (as the Polite Demon might say). You could even make up your own commercial.

Now, if you are quite through, we shall return to our program.

"What do we need to talk about?" As Jordy twitched nervously, he also twirled his finger in a "wrap this up" gesture. "Whatever it is, could we speed it along? I'm eager to get on with life."

A branch-like finger shot up. "That is one thing I wanted to discuss. If you are so eager to get on with life, why engage in murder?"

"Because it's fun?" Jordy ventured. "Yes!" he decided as his own finger went up. "It's fun getting even!"

"That may very well be. But it could also result in imprisonment or execution. It could lower the quality of your life or end it."

Jordy laughed. "You removed all the consequences."

"Fortunate for you."

"Fortunate for both of us!"

"More for you."

As Jordy simply shrugged and smiled, the demon's face wrinkled up in a frown.

The branch-like finger waved once again. "When Miss Koward was an obnoxious office manager, why did you kill her?"

"Why?" Jordy retorted as his hands went to his hips. "Because she was obnoxious, that's why!"

"That may be so. But why not just let things play out for her? The people in the office surely would have, at some point, risen up against her in some way. Oh, maybe not enough to murder her. But they certainly would have found ways to undermine her."

"No way!" Jordy sneered, waving his hand. "You saw them! They were a bunch of wimps!"

"Nevertheless, I find that obnoxious arrogant people eventually pay the price."

"You mean like when she broke her glasses?" he tittered.

"Perhaps so." That smacking noise again. Gross, Jordy thought. Glad he'd soon be done with this guy. This….thing.

If the Polite Demon sensed that thought, he didn't seem bothered by it. He expressed other concerns.

"What about when Miss Koward was a waitress with a baby? Or a recovering alcoholic? She was actually quite sympathetic then. Why did you still insist on killing her?"

"Because I didn't care! Just like she didn't care about me!" Despite the cold air in the cave, Jordy was red-faced, and livid.

"It seems that you think of Miss Koward as a monster. Perhaps, Mr. Jordan, you have become the monster."

Jordy curled his lower lip. "Thank you for the philosophy, Mr. Philosopher. Can I go now?"

"I still have a couple more points to make."

"Make it quick!"

Briefly, the demon's large eyes widened then he went on.

"Here's the thing, Mr. Jordan," he murmured. "After high school, you managed to get away from your father and Miss Koward."

"For a while," he griped.

"But you're very resourceful. You could have found ways to stay away."

"Maybe," Jordy grunted.

"You love movies. Couldn't you have found work there?"

Jordy snorted, loudly. "Like what? Be a big-time movie producer?"

"Or you could have worked behind-the-scenes on a crew. Or you could have found routine work, maybe in manufacturing, where you spend a lot of your time thinking about movies while you do mindless work."

As Jordy silently sulked, the demon went on. "My point is instead of filling your life with thoughts of murder, you could have filled it with things you enjoy."

The sympathetic way the demon talked irked Jordy. He didn't want pity, especially not from some demon.

"I'm not an UM-CE!" he shouted.

That was Jordy's word for an Upper Middle Class Extrovert.

"Have you considered there are disadvantages to being an UM-CE?"

"Like what?" Jordy retorted. "Too much happiness? Too many good things in life? Too much help from the principal?"

"In a way, yes." Joe held up an instructive brown finger as he moved snail-like across the dusty cave floor, creating clouds of dust like that kid Pig-Pen in the "Peanuts" comic strip. "Someone who is simply handed good things in life can become quite arrogant. In my experience, an arrogant person can't change herself. She has to be taken down a peg or two."

Jordy laughed as he slapped a thigh. "That's what I did. I took Kelly down."

"Actually, Mr. Jordan, you didn't. You simply ended her. She learned nothing."

Scowling, Jordy waved a dismissive hand as he moved toward the cave entrance. "Okay. You been real amusing, and I appreciate all your help. But now this is over."

As his eyes widened once again, Joe spoke in his rumbling voice. "Over, Mr. Jordan?"

"Yeah. You deaf or something? I got to kill Kelly over and over again, and now I'm done. That's what we agreed to." With an insistent look, he held out a flat palm and waved it.

The demon responded in a calm flat voice.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Jordan, but we never agreed to any such thing."

"What?"

Joe tilted his large head toward him. "You asked to kill Miss Koward over and over again. And so you shall. For all eternity."

Jordy frowned deeply. "What are you talking about? I ain't doing nothing for all eternity!"

"Oh, but you will. You will do what I command!" the demon roared.

The demon waved his hand, and Jordy rose up toward the cave ceiling, barely avoiding a stalactite. As Jordy kicked his legs and gasped for air, the demon narrowed his eyes, and the tone of voice was far from polite.

"Did you really think you entered the realm of a demon just by climbing a mountain? You fell off that mountain! Once you did, you entered my realm. And now you belong to me!" His roaring voice echoed off the cave walls, and his eyes were ablaze.

Jordy struggled to speak.

"I ain't going into….any more...of those….other worlds."

"You never did! They were all illusions. Remember: I am the Master of Illusion." To prove his point, he assumed the form of Rod Serling in black and white then a color version of Alfred Hitchcock.

Jordy kicked harder than ever, managing to choke out some words as he did.

"You can't...make me do nothing. I know my rights," he wheezed.

"Rights?" the demon bellowed. "Rights, Mr. Jordan? You're not in America! And even if you were, they've forgotten the Constitution there. Due process! The right to face your accuser! All gone! All given up in the name of 'feelings!'" He spat out the last word. "America has become a nation of wimps and tyrants, Mr, Jordan! You may be better off with me!"

Joe assumed the form of a bespectacled woman in a shawl. She wore Clark Kent glasses that dangled from a pointy nose, and she had long brown braids.

"'Oh! My feelings have been hurt!'" the demon shouted in a shrieking mocking voice. "'Send that man away! Throw him out! Don't give him a say!'" Reverting back to his Jabba form, he bared giant molars as he growled in his now rumbling voice. "Wimps like that are some of my very best servants!"

As Jordy pointed a shaky finger, he spoke in a weak and feeble voice. Much as he did when a gym teacher slammed him into a wall when he walked out of his class.

"I ain't going back!"

"You have no choice!"

The demon pulled him close; the yellow eyes looked large, angry and terrifying.

"Once I gave you all that power," he said in a loud rumbling reverberating voice, "you became mine to control! You will go where I send you and do as I order!"

With that, the demon hurled Jordy away.

Jordy landed back in the cubicle city with Kelly in front of him.

"You need to leave, sir."

Jordy ignored Kelly and her imperious tone of voice. Instead, he clenched his fists as he engaged in silent resolve.

I'll just stand here and do nothing, he decided. I won't let that demon make me do anything. I'll show him. Ha! Stupid lousy demon.

Defiantly, he hunched up his shoulders, and as he jerked his neck to one side, he thrust his hands into his pockets.

I'll show that demon-guy that Joe Jordan can't be pushed around. No killing Kelly today. No, sir! Ha! Take that, you lousy stinking demon!

But even as he thought this, Jordy watched in horror as his hands moved out of his pockets and turned into giant green Hulk-hands. As Jordy screamed in wide-eyed terror, his hands wrapped around Kelly's neck. She hardly made a sound before she crumpled with the sound of bone hitting concrete.

Clutching those green hands to his face, Jordy screamed all the more loudly. Really, though, it was more like a roar of rage, disgust and horror.

As Jordy stood over the body, he looked around pleadingly while the cubicle dwellers stared at him with fear in their eyes.

"I didn't mean to," he gasped. "I didn't want to."

They all just stared.

A now-familiar voice seemed to speak out of the ceiling. When it did, Jordy's head shot up.

"If it's any comfort to you, Mr. Jordan, I have arranged a suitable punishment for Miss Koward as well. She died some years ago in a car accident. Her punishment is….she gets to live your life, over and over again. Forever."

As Jordy continued to stare up at the ceiling, something like a movie screen appeared. There was Kelly with her braids and her stringy hair. She walked, clutching her books, with her shoulders all tensed up. There was a fearful look on her face, and her brown eyes darted as she approached four young men in the hallway.

As one of those young men, Jordy stepped forward He had a taunting smile on his face.

"Hey, Kelly," he said in a mocking voice. "Anyone else in your family die of AIDS?" He curled up his lower lip, and he pressed his face close to hers as he spoke in a "poo-poo" voice. "What's the matter, Kelly? Don't you have any friends?" He patted her on the shoulder of her dingy gray sweat jacket. "I'll be your friend….old buddy. Old pal."

It was the last thing Jordy saw and heard before he went spinning off into the next illusion.

As Jordy spun around in midair, he faded into a starry background, and the voice of the narrator was heard.

"There are at least two lessons to be learned here. One is that if you hold on to a grudge, you might end up holding on to it forever. Another is that poetic justice can play out. Especially in this unusual corner of...'The Twilight Zone.'"

We then switch to the rotund man.

"Good evening once again. During tonight's episode, I thought of some rather ingenious ways to dispatch some childhood bullies. I had hoped to demonstrate them to you. Alas, our time has come to an end. Until next time, good night."

As the closing credits roll, we once again see the open door against a starry background with the drawing of Alfred Hitchcock in profile.

Over the rolling credits, the head of the Crypt Keeper rises up. The desiccated creature emits a loud shrieking laugh just before he speaks.

"This would be a good episode for my show, too. I'd just need some famous guest stars."

As the Crypt Keeper moves down out of sight, a printed message appears:

"This could also be a good episode of 'Black Mirror.' Except it would need a lot more swear words, vulgar content, an emphasis on technology and loads of cynicism. So, never mind."

Closing credits end.

Fade out.