Neon Genesis is the bizarre brainchild of Yoshiyuki Sadamoto. Last time I checked, I wasn't Japanese. Or creative. Or suicidal. That's what Zoloft is for.
'Into the Depths of Human Hearts'
-EVANGELION
(introjection)
This is me.
She hung there, floating ceaselessly in an endless expanse. The Air around her was not really Air; it embraced her like water, enfolding itself around her entire body.
Body?
Bodies, forms, shapes, objects…they were unnecessary here. She was a foreign thing in this place.
I am this object… this shape that forms me.
Formless feelings and aimless thoughts was a current that caressed her. It was such a strange feeling…dissolving. To see the edges of your own being slowly fade.
It feels like I'm not me…
The watery air; the ether around her was boundless. The mind was unrestricted, unhampered by boundaries. Directions were irrelevant; it was a Sea without a surface to swim up to, an Ocean without depths to sink.
I can't tell what I am anymore.
These thoughts corded out from her, twisting amongst the ether until it became indistinguishable with the other random thoughts and feels that streamed with the current.
…I feel someone else.
Seeking tendrils purposefully found her. Solid, worldly thought returned, anchoring her form in this place that seemed suddenly far too empty to her. But what of the other…
Is someone there, beyond this place?
She willed herself deeper into the expanse, following the intelligent branches to their source.
The ether was darker, more suffocating here. Light radiated from the center of the condensing darkness. Orbs like twin moons stared like unblinking eyes at her.
Who are you?
The Beast was a shape veiled in darkness, something resembling a human…but far more immense. Its tendrils were unnatural: cold steel cables the product of Man. Buried beneath the crushing depths of compiled Nothing, the Beast's tendrils snaked beyond its prison, reaching for the outside world. As she drew closer to it, one of these stems brushed against her.
A memory stirred within her.
A boy…brown haired and shy. He was always so nervous, uncertainty a barrier against further pain.
Ikari?
School. Yes, she saw him a school often enough- whenever she actually went.
Themselves and others…classmates…stayed behind after school. It was their turn to clean.
A bucket and rag; her pale hands wrung the water from the wet cloth back into the bucket.
She had not seen it at the time, but his eyes were wide with fascination when she had done this.
What had he said?
"It reminds me of…a mother…"
That bright laugh, his soft smile.
"I bet you'd make a great mom, Rei."
A pink, rosy rise in her cheeks.
A moment a severe self-consciousness.
Embarrassment.
A mother?
Silly thing, the Beast chided. Its black hands reached out, caging her between its fingers like a captive butterfly. Little dolls cannot be mothers.
I am not a doll.
Truly? The Beast wondered. Where is it you have come from?
Light. Clear water. The sterile scent of chemicals.
Wrong! The Beast corrected. Darkness. Murky red. The smell of copper.
Red. She hated the color red.
The smell of blood.
Dolls do not bleed, little one. The Beast said. People bleed, people die. Dolls break, but are never broken.
I am not a doll, she insisted.
How many times did you break, little doll? The Beast asked, glowing eyes unwavering through the cage of its fingers. How many times did they sew your fake heart and soul back onto a new marionette?
Choking. Hands furiously wringing her small throat like the rag.
Did you bleed then, little doll?
She didn't remember. She was only the Second One.
The woman who never bleeds.
Remember: little dolls cannot be mothers.
The Beast's black hands parted. She felt herself drift back up out of the darkness.
But its moon gaze stared up at her the whole way.
Little dolls don't bleed.
I am not a doll, she repeated, the words themselves her only solace.
You cannot fool me, for I am what you used to be…
"Rei?"
Rei Ayanami's scarlet eyes lidded open, the hum of the entry plug in her ears.
"Rei, you've been unresponsive for eight minutes." Commander Ikari said over the communication channel. His normally cold voice was laced with veiled concern. "Is everything alright?"
"Yes sir," was the First Child's automatic reply. "No problems."
"I see. That's good. The test is completed Rei, you can come out now."
"Yes sir."
The space around her kaleidoscoped as the neural connections cycled themselves off. Rei still sat in the pilot's seat when the entry plug glowed an inert, pale blue. The LCL encircled her body like water, but she breathed it like air.
But the smell…
"I hate the smell of blood," she whispered to herself.
It's me, back by popular demand. The flood of emails that followed just hours after Chapter 3's posting was simply overwhelming. So, because you asked for it, Mother's Memory has a few more chapters left in her. Now, it simply wouldn't be an Evangelion fanfiction if there wasn't any Rei, and I thought this little mind-job would be a nice change of pace before things get really ugly. Chapter 5's gonna be the morning after, and it's not gonna end like so many of you ecchi fans are hoping…
Chapter 5 coming soon!
-Cy