Why am I sitting here? I should be out there; learning, fighting, training, preparing for my death. No, they can't have that of course, we wouldn't want our prophesized savior knowing what he's doing, I guess. That would be to easy… to simplistically logical for them to follow through with that it would cause them pain not to work out some complicated plan… some undeniably extravagant way of doing something that requires so little action that it would merely take the act of breathing to accomplish.
Harry sighed as he sat there in Dudley's second bedroom, his body planted on the side of his small cot that no longer suited in large lanky body. These were the thoughts that raced through his head as hours passed into days, and days passed into a week; every waking moment filled with these creeping words deep in his consciousness. They gnawed at him, not only his mind… but his very sanity. As his soul bled from sadness and pain so deep, tears were no longer vivid enough to display his deep despair over losing Sirius.
His world didn't falter though, he kept such a tight reign of his sanity that he allowed nothing else to buckle his concentration… to make him glimpse from the windows of his soul. Fear plagued him, for he knew that just a moment of inattentiveness would cause him to slip… and drop his focus, causing his soul to explode into a land of broken mirrors. Never would that happen… never would he allow himself to lose his soul… not yet… not just as he was nearing his role in life. This was his part… he had to get on stage.
What didn't make sense was… why wasn't he preparing for his doom. After the explanation he was given, he had expected more of Albus Dumbeldore in his role as keeper of the dead. For that was what Harry now was… no longer merely alive, but dead for all purposes that mattered. Of course he still took breath, he still drank water, and he of course still contained his soul through his vigilant watch… but he no longer felt, he no longer contained, that spark of empathy all are born with.
"It was all his fault," Harry murmured into his pillow the first day back to Number Four. "If he hadn't hidden the prophecy, if he had only told me that day I came to Hogwarts… if only he didn't lock Sirius away in that home of his birth." He slammed a fist into his pillow as he let out a helpless scream, "He'll pay… I'll make him pay for this pain, for making me lose him… for causing all of this. Oh… he'll pay."
Needless to say being locked away in his room, with no human interaction at all, was making Harry's ability to control his sanity and humanity waver. His door had extra locks installed, as he noticed when he arrived, and was now being served his daily meals through the cat flap in the bottom of the door. Released once in the morning and evening to use the bathroom and then locked back away… left to himself and his world.
He was being watched he noticed, he could see them though they didn't think he could. His eyes pierced the flimsy invisibility cloaks they used and the disillusionment charms… he saw their very souls beneath the layers of skin and tissue. His body shook with such violent emotions when he noticed them taking back up their guard spots, that he had hurled a book across the room with such force it went halfway through a wall. He never heard a peep though, the Dursley's rage and thoughts were locked away behind a veil of fear that Harry's wizard guardians would put an end to them if they dared say a negative thing to him.
The room creaked without life, not a sense of movement graced the hardwood floors… the Dursley's were becoming disturbed by this lack of existence. They knew he was alive; Vernon unlocked the door twice a day and watched him enter the bathroom… Petunia cleaned the dishes… Dudley could hear the whimpers and small screams throughout the night. Though even with all this evidence slapping their bigoted faces… every time saw Harry or passed his room, they felt an overwhelming darkness grabbing at them and sucking their soul's away.
Harry though sat silent, not lifting a finger to do anything aside keep his body alive… it would be needed. It was his duty in life to die for the greater good… it was his duty to fight Voldemort, and die in the process. This was his destiny, his flow in life… everybody was born with a purpose… their destines set at birth. Your future and destiny decided, and your purpose and end predestined in the womb… he was stuck, and he accepted it. He understood why he was lied to, why Dumbeldore did why he did… why Dumbeldore was as gracious as he was… he was protecting Harry from reality… a reality that now he understood. His reality, his future, was death.