Nii-sama has three parts.
Seto, my big brother. The one who is always there, ready to protect me. My father and brother both. The one who would dance in the rain with me if I asked him too, the one who would let me sleep with him if I got scared. The one who will turn down every offer of a good life for me to be with him. I love Seto.
Then there's 'young Kaiba'. The one who's ice. Who won't show emotions. The one who doesn't let his guard down- even while he sleeps. I've watched young Kaiba as he slept before. He was having a nightmare, per usual. The sweat ran down his face, his lip bitten to keep from screaming. To stop Gozaburo from knowing. He muttered one word, full of pain and hurt. Mokuba. Young Kaiba never smiles when I call him nii sama. Young Kaiba has no emotions. I hate young Kaiba.
Then there's Kaiba. He devotes his life to his work, doesn't have time for anyone or anything… including me. Kaiba is cruel and grumpy all the time. He's the one who calls Joey, Mutt. Kaiba almost never sleeps, just works. Kaiba never smiles. Kaiba hates Yugi. Because Yugi is the only one who can stop him from being the best. Kaiba needs to be the best. It's an obsession. But when I'm there, his eyes like ice soften. I hate Kaiba too.
Sometimes I wish that young Kaiba and Kaiba would disappear, so I could have Seto back. But I know that Seto divided his soul for me. To protect me. Everything that he's done- it's for me. So I know it's unfair to hate young Kaiba and Kaiba. But sometimes I wish they didn't exist. Every once in a while Seto comes back. I wait for those times. It's almost sick how I wait everyday to see who it is.
Mostly it's Kaiba. He nods in my direction and heads off to work. Sometimes it's young Kaiba. He gives me a sad look and pauses to say that he's sorry that he can't be with me, he has to get done with all the work Gozaburo has given him. It scares me, he'll lock himself and I'll peak in before I go to school and he'll still be working. Very rarely is it Seto. He comes in the door, set's aside his briefcase and smiles at me. Hey kiddo! He'll say, and I shout 'Nii-Sama!' and give him a hug. I'd never hug Kaiba or young Kaiba. I love having Seto around, because then he can be happy.
I hate it when he's young Kaiba or Kaiba. But I know that Seto's in there, and he did this all for me. So I'll do my work, and then cry myself into my nightmares, knowing that he won't sleep to escape his demons. And then I wake up in the morning, and I'll be tucked in, and I'll know that Seto was there. And I love Nii-sama for it. I go through the day wondering who'll be there when he get's home.
"Hey Mokie." I look up, and there he is.
"Nii-sama!" He opens his arms and I run to him.
It's Seto.
Well there it was... bad, no? Alkhira will probably kill me for messing up Steo Kaiba... oh well.
Ty