Disclaimer-None of this, excluding the plot and actual writing, belongs to me.
Warning- Not a feel good piece of writing. Aka: dark.
Summary- (Post Hogwarts) There are some habits that Harry and Draco are unwilling to break no matter how destructive and unhealthy they are.
Unhealthy Habits
It was during their seventh year at Hogwarts that Harry and Draco had begun dabbling in friendship. Of course, they were never ones to do anything by halves, and friendship quickly transformed into something more.
Lovers would be the most fitting word.
Being a Gryffindor, casual sex with a friend was impossible for Harry. Draco simply wanted to rebel against the expectations upon him. As a result, they fell hopelessly in love with each other. Naturally, no one approved of the relationship, but that just added to the adventure. They were young, in love and had scant support.
Then Draco started openly supporting Dumbledore and the cause of the Light. Shortly after, he cut off all contact with his family.
This won the Gryffindors over.
Draco's handful of loyal Slytherins, who were naturally drawn to power like a moth to a flame, saw their leader changing sides and blindly pursued.
It would be a lie to say they were won over wholly, but they did have a sort of grudging acceptance regarding the situation.
Eventually their comrades began to warm quite nicely to the idea of Harry and Draco being together. Two young boys in love and struggling against the boundaries of society was a rather romantic concept after all.
As it is, time passes rather quickly when life is interesting, and it wasn't long before their time at Hogwarts came to an end. Harry and Draco committed to a marriage of sorts almost immediately after.
And this is where our story starts…
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Some habits provide a stable foundation for life, others are helpful, many provide a source of consistency in a hectic world… and some habits are, simply put, unhealthy.
Harry stared thoughtfully at the furious grey eyes before him and found that he was filled with a vague sense of curiousity as to when Draco had become unhealthy, let alone a habit.
"Fuck Potter!"The blondegrowled viciously, "If you don't stop grinding your fucking teeth I'm going to bloody pull them out!"
Harry raised an eyebrow at this and met Draco's glare evenly.
"Maybe if you'd stop tapping your nails on the table I wouldn't have the urge to grind my teeth," he retorted. His scowl landed on Draco's perfectly manicured hand, which was thrumming softly upon the lacquered surface before him. Draco leveled Harry with a defiant grin in response and the volume of his fingernails clacking on the table increased.
"Why the hell do you keep them so long anyways? We all know you're gay without you bloody slamming us over the head," Harry continued irritably.
"Oh fuck you Potter. You wouldn't know class if it was fucking you senseless." Draco paused, seeming to contemplate this statement. A malicious grin formed on his lips. "Which it does."
Harry's eyes narrowed. "You seem to be having a memory lapse, Draco. If anyone's doing the slamming it's me."
"Oh Potter," Draco drawled, "It's all right to be the bitter bottom."
If the grin on his face was any indication, Draco thought that his use of alliteration was rather witty.
Harry snorted disbelievingly and began grinding his teeth again, another habit to add to his list of unhealthy undertakings. He knew he was stirring the pot, but frankly, he didn't care. Instead, Harry began grinding them even louder.
The volume of Draco's clacking fingernails increased as well…
Harry grabbed the open carton of milk on the table and chugged it back- a pet peeve of Draco's -before smacking his lips in excess.
Draco began tapping his foot on the floor rapidly, brushing against the leg of Harry's chair. The quick jerky movements rattled the seat, much to Harry's annoyance.
Harry began to whistle. It was an old favorite in Gryffindor, a song that drove Draco absolutely insane.
Beside him, Draco was drawing a deep breath through his nostrils and stopped clacking his fingernails and tapping his foot, opting to be the mature adult in the situation. The grinding, clacking, shaking and whistling continued regardless.
Harry glanced at Draco from the corner of his eyes, feeling the other man's temper drawing to its breaking point. The thin skin of Draco's eyelids was drawn over his silver orbs and Harry found it relieving to be staring at something other than those gorgeous eyes that had began to dull in the last few months. Their shine slowly fading into lifelessness.
"I'm going to buy shoes," Draco finally muttered and stood. He walked to the door, his form tense, and seemed to pause with his hand on the knob before sighing and leaving.
Harry winced as the door slammed rather forcefully but he didn't object, nor did he confront Draco about the reality of finding an open shoe store at midnight. They both knew Draco wouldn't spare a thought on shoes, purchased or not. He had other things in mind.
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Five hours later found Harry still sitting at the table waiting for Draco to return. It had become a habit for them. They would fight, Draco would leave, and Harry would fall asleep at the table waiting for him to return home.
This left the bed open for any purposes Draco desired and he never failed to take advantage of this twisted ritual.
Hushed giggling accompanied the sound of a key jingling in the lock of their front door, waking Harry up. He cracked an eye open as the door was thrown open.
Tonight Draco had brought home a broad man that looked as if he would make a brilliant beater. He was dark-haired. They always were.
"Shh," Draco murmured to his guest with a surreptitious glance at Harry. He noticed Harry's half-lidded eyes and narrowed his own in response, a silent threat for Harry to stay where he was and keep quiet. "We don't want to wake up my roommate," he hissed more to Harry than the man he'd brought home.
Harry glared back, his mind screaming a resounding 'coward' at Draco. He was scared to admit that Harry was his husband.
"Is he gay too?" the other man whispered in a giddy voice. He was eyeing Harry drunkenly.
This question seemed to require contemplation on Draco's part for he considered the question before warily informing the man that yes, Harry was gay.
"We should wake him up and ask him to join us…" The man leaned towards Draco and began sucking on his neck imploringly.
"Mmm, that feels nice," Draco murmured. His eyes slid shut and a pale hand with flawless nails found its way around the man's waist to pull him closer.
They disappeared into the bedroom moments later, completely forgetting about Harry's presence.
They were hardly being considerate, Harry thought as he sat stiffly at the table trying to block out his lover's gasps and moans. It brought him little pleasure when Draco began calling out his name with little reserve. On the contrary, it made him sick to the stomach.
His eyes wandered to the cream wall of their kitchen, trying to find a distraction. He found it in the series of photos of him and Draco.
In the top picture, which had been taken on the front lawn at Hogwarts, they smiled intimately at each other before leaning in for a tender kiss that seemed to leave them breathless. Draco, panting and flushed, glanced out of the photo, reserved, and hid his head in the crook of Harry's neck. Harry in return pulled him closer and glared half-heartedly out at the world before turning to whisper something to Draco, his lips tilting upwards into an affectionate smile.
"Mm…Harry…faster. Oh Merlin, harder."
Harry moved on to the next photo, ignoring Draco's fervent gasps. He was so familiar with the little ways Draco would beg. He had always been fond of Draco's habit of expressing exactly what he wanted in bed.
"Oh, yes that's perfect!"
Too familiar perhaps. Harry could feel the spot the man with Draco had hit simply from hearing that tone of voice. Well, he pretended that he could. Draco's begs and whimpers grew louder and more insistent and the creaking of the bed echoed with more assurance through the lifeless home. The sweat that would be on Draco's body was almost tangible on Harry's lips as he remembered kissing that sweat-soaked body himself.
It seemed so far away, like a dream. Now all he tasted was Draco's blood mingling with his own as they tore at each other's lips and left raw love bites that lacked any sort of love on each other's bodies.
Then there was silence followed by the distinct sound of shuffling and Draco hissing for the man to get the hell out. Harry clenched his eyes shut and turned his head away from the door, not daring to move until he heard it slam shut. The evening left a bitter aftertaste in Harry's mouth, like hot cocoa without any sugar.
"Harry?" The soft patter of Draco's feet on the floor drew nearer until he was collapsed in the chair beside Harry. A tender hand gripped the brunette's shoulder and lightly shook him. "Harry?"
Ignoring Draco wasn't really an option. He couldn't every other night, why would this night be any different? Harry lifted his head from the table, turning to stare at Draco.
They both had dead eyes that lacked whatever luster they once contained.
"Where did we go wrong?" Draco murmured, eyes welling with tears. His head fell forward onto Harry's shoulder and he was pulled into a possessive hug as they both held back the physical truths of their sadness.
Crying would make it real.
"We didn't Draco, we didn't…" Harry murmured, gently rocking Draco as he did every night.
"This is all so fucked up…" Draco whispered to no one in particular.
"We'll work through it,"Harry assured him and kissed his temple.
"Harry?"
"Yeah?"
Draco pulled away from the hug and stared at Harry a moment, his eyes flitting over Harry's face and filling with more regret as they continued to take in his lover's features. "I'm sorry."
As always, Harry was at a loss for words. He couldn't say it was all right, because it wasn't. There was nothing right about holding the image of a happy marriage and then letting their world cave in around them when there was no one to pretend for. They needed help but they both knew that there was only one answer. And somehow, the thought of doing what they needed to do was more devastating than living in this hell with each other.
"Yeah," Harry finally choked out, pulling Draco closer. "Me too…"
Draco fell asleep shortly after to the sound of Harry humming a haunting tune and lovingly stroking his head.
When Draco was like this, vulnerable with sleep and clingy from fear, Harry could remember why he'd fallen in love with him in the first place. He could strengthen his resolve to stay with Draco for another day so they could continue through another day just like the last one.
When Draco was like this, he understood why this was the one unhealthy habit he could never release.
…I WARNED YOU! points at the warning I said it was dark! Either way I hope you enjoyed this. I really liked writing it. Anyways, if you read this and have anything to say I'd love to hear!
-TJ