INVOLUNTARY mortal ecstasy
This is a true fanfiction to its fullest folks! This story contains an original character of my own creation (although if you read carefully enough he sounds like a spitting image of myself) and CONTAINS MASSIVELY EXCESSIVE AMOUNTS OF SLASH! If you don't like it, don't read it. And although I do highly appreciate constructive criticism please please no reviews that say such things as; "OMFG! Your writings are a travesty and a mockery of this brillant piece of literature, you should go to hell! BLAH BLAH BLAH!" I beg you, none of those. So please read, enjoy and do review . . . nicely! DISCLAIMER; Although Cedric (Robert Pattinson) equals sex I do not own him, nor Harry, nor anything JK Rowling related.
CHAPTER five; Pride
I awoke the next morning feeling revitalized and quite relaxed. I've never had the need to set an alarm I always manage to find my way down to breakfast before all the bacon was gone anyway so in knowing that I could spare a few more moments of sleep I decided to roll over and just continue to lie there in my half-woken state. Cedric, on the other hand, slept until I decided to wake him up. And as I rolled over to wrap my arms around in torso to pull him in closer to utilize his warmth, I found nothing but the sheets thrown open and the remnants of his scent on the pillow. This took me by surprise so much that I rose to see if he might still be dressing but there was no sign of him in the room. I tried not to think too much of it and in doing so I began to hum Ayumi Hamasaki's "Pride" as I showered and dressed.
"The freedom you hold is quite astounding." I thought to myself as I shook my head at the thought of his lenience. "Even if I still cannot find the meaning of my own existence…"
Even down in the Great Hall I still had not managed to locate Cedric, maybe it was the flock of owls delivering the mail or just the huddles of juvenile conspiracies covering every inch of the table. I took my seat smack dab in the center, alone, and began to poor myself a cup of life-bearing coffee when a little brown bush plopped down in front of me.
"Good morning, Harvey!" it spoke, tapping the back of my Prophet. With beady red eyes I nearly spit the coffee out of my mouth when I saw Hermione sitting in front of me once I let down the pages of a very intriguing article about how a bunch of muggles managed to cause quite a scene at the Black Cauldron by walking in and running out screaming within a matter of seconds. I was just about to find out how a witch managed to cast a spell of invisibility on the patrons and then uncloak themselves to scare the wanderers when I found Hermione beaming at me.
"Oh good morning, Hermione, did you sleep well last night?" I casually asked her as I continued skimming the page and biting into a piece of toast.
"Yes very well, thank you. I just came over here just to apologize, sincerely, for the boys' behavior the other night in the hospital wing." I waved my hand at her as if to say "no worries" when she grabbed my hand and began to gently stroke it with her thumb. I had been trying to avoid a conversation because I don't usually take kindly to strangers and just as I was about to take another gulp of my coffee this spontaneous advent occurred.
"It's just that," she continued as I stared down at out hands wide-eyed. "They get jealous when I make new friends. They never allow me any freedom and yet they think they can just flaunt themselves around the school like nobody's business when I am the sensible and self-controlled of the lot… Sorry, I'm rambling."
A little taken aback by the fourth years' confession I merely shook my head, sipped my coffee and merely stated; "It's alright, I don't mind."
She smiled at this and released my hand as she fumbled through her robes for a small scrap of paper that she unfolded before me. "What classes have you got lined up for today?" I rolled my eyes and shuddered even at the sheer mention of classes. I pulled out my schedule and found that I had Potions with Ravenclaw up first and then Care of Magical Creatures in the afternoon. Hermione could not have squealed any louder when we discovered that we had the same afternoon class, either my eardrum burst or a dog died somewhere in the castle. But just the thought of potions made my stomach churn; I wasn't a chef and nowhere near an apothecary so Potions really wasn't my strong suit.
Glancing over at the Ravenclaw table I saw him. Cedric Diggory sitting across from an oriental girl who I had recognized from some of the past Quidditch matches. I couldn't match a name to the face but nor did I care to, I was too busy watching Cedric lean in closer and whisper to her and then throw himself backward in order to let out a hysterical laugh. After a long while I still could not grab his attention, was he avoiding my gaze? What on earth could he be talking to her about? Eventually Hermione was able to snap me out of this trance and we continued to hold a conversation about batty old Trelawney until it was time for morning classes to begin.
I made my way slowly out of the Great Hall, still eyeing Cedric and the girl as they parted ways. I knew Cedric had other classes to attend to so I followed the girl down into the dungeons and left my confrontation with him for later. Her long black hair swayed slightly and bounced off her back as she walked. She managed to gather several other fifth year girls from her house around her as she walked and chattered among them. And at this I began to wonder, why am I the one always stuck with the underclassmen?
Down in the dungeons, Snape's classroom held the same familiar nauseating odor. I took my usual seat towards the front of the class where no one sat and set up my vials and took out some parchment for notes. As much as I loathed Potions and could fall asleep at the very instant Snape began sneering at the students, I had learned some very useful recipes such as a black and bitter elixir I like to call 'coffee' that is not only enjoyable to drink but revitalizes the consumer to his or her full potential until the caffeine wears off.
As I sorted through my things in my own little OCD way, Snape began his lecture about something or other and all I caught was 'brew' and 'partners' and that was just enough to tear me away from whatever I might have been doing at the time. I bolted upright and gazed at him taken aback by such foul language. He just glared at me and stated that he would be assigning the partners and I felt my face flush of all color. He went down the list, matching people to their most miserable of pairings, he was starting to finish up when I heard "Cho and Harvey" and a loud heartbroken sigh sounded from the back of the classroom. As I slowly turned my head to look I saw Cedric's little chatting buddy skulking towards me with her head buried in her book bag that she had cradled in her arms.
I stretched out my hand to introduce myself as she strolled by but she just hid her face in her bag and slumped down into the chair next to me. I turned to face her but all I heard from her was nervous panting and a sigh of defeat. I began to set up the materials and light the cauldron, all while reading the directions on the chalk board and trying to make small talk and hopefully coax her into doing some work. When I had completed the set up (for her), I made a sigh of my own and caught her looking longingly back at her friend who had been paired up with an oversized ogre of a boy. I coughed and luckily scared her into paying me some attention and indicated the board to her with my eyes. She set down her bag and took out her things and wiped the sweat from her palms on the front of her robes. When she took the initiative of starting the first step in the brewing process I took the initiative to start up some conversation. I can only sit so long in complete silence before I start singing, and not very well I might add.
"So uh," I began, kicking back in my chair as she began stirring in ingredients. "Cho, is it?" She nodded slightly and kept working. I gave a nervous laugh. "I see. I'm Harvey by the way."
"It's a pleasure." she stated blankly without taking her eyes from the cauldron. I wracked my brain as to how I could get her to open up more. She seemed like such a violent child during Quidditch but I suppose her actions are best left on the field rather than the classroom. As I threw out option after option none of them seemed best so I just went with what I wanted to know.
"So how do you know Cedric?" I asked slowly spitting out the words one by one and in an instant she snapped up and dropped her wand that she had been using to stir the concoction with.
"He's just a friend!" she blurted clasping her hands over her mouth and turning away from me. And just as Snape started swooping in to take points from us I summoned her wand back onto the table and continued on with the next step in the assignment.
"Okay," I muttered under my breath so as not to draw back Snape's attention. "That's not quite what I had in mind when I threw out the question, but okay, I'll take it."
That's all I wanted to know anyway. I thought to myself.
"Sorry," she began as she turned to face me. "He said you might get upset if you knew he came to see me instead of sitting with you at breakfast this morning." She looked gloomy and then I started to feel like the bad person. I shook my head a little and thought that they might just be friends after all.
"So uh…" I wracked my mind once more. "What did you guys talk about at breakfast, just out of curiosity?"
"He was asking me whether or not he should enter the tournament." she began, actually smiling and giving a little laugh. "He kept debating with me about the consequences and the benefits but then he even brought up the topic of whether or not he would even make it INTO the tournament. We laughed for a while and then continued to bring your concern to the conversation. Sorry I don't know you very well so I just kind of shrugged it off and left the decision-making up to him. You should talk to him about it, he seemed really concerned for you. I'm guessing, you're a good friend of his?" I laughed a little at that and thought of the train-ride. I simply nodded and said. "Yah, I guess you could say that." And the conversation dwindled on successfully for the rest of the class time until we had successfully brewed a house-point-earning potion and strut out the classroom arm-in-arm laughing hysterically. We parted ways and I began to search for Cedric in the halls on my way off to the dorms.
Care of Magical Creatures was as lethargic as ever, except for the fact that Hermione could not have blown out my thought process anymore. She never shuts up! And plus she never talks about anything interesting. No music, no literature, no fashion, no entertainment whatsoever. Always anything and everything about school or magic gag me with a spoon. Add that to the cold looks from Ron and Harry every thirty seconds and the ungodly overcast and you've got yourself a recipe for a migraine.
Just as class ended and I had managed to break free from Hermione's conversation, I wandered over to my belongings and began packing up. I looked back at the castle and released a tiny sigh of both built and disappointment. I never meant to bother Ced with so many questions, I hope this had not driven him away from me. But I was also slightly disappointed as to why he never took the time to confront me first. And after scowering the campus for him and when we finally meet he completely avoids my gaze, it's heartbreaking really.
"Harvey!" I rolled my eyes thinking that it might be Hermione again trying to get my opinion on the life of an employed house elf when the distance of the voice made me think twice. I turned and saw Cedric standing just outside of the bridge leading out onto the campus, calling me towards him, waving his arms around with a smile on my face. I didn't notice my face go red or the heat from my blush for just as I noticed him a raindrop struck me on the cheek, like a soft peck from a loved one. Smiling myself, I gazed into the heavens as the downpour commenced and I danced in its glory all the way up the hill towards Cedric, who continued to stand soaking himself, with those piercing grey eyes that only drew me in nearer.
We waited there gazing into each others eyes as we let the rest of the students race across the bridge and up to the castle. And just as we thought we were completely alone Hermione comes over to walk with me but without a glance back I waved my hand and softly said; "I'll catch up with you later."
The rain slowly beat down on our heads and slid into our clothing, cleansing us mind, body and soul. It enraptured our senses and drew our hands together, embracing one another until nature could stand it no longer. In all its fury we took in each others emotions, sharing one passionate kiss under the shelter of the bridge. We forgot our belongings, our thoughts, our being, it was only us there in that moment without the weight of the world on our shoulders.
Wiping the rain from our eyes and picking up our things, we slowly strolled down the bridge and into the courtyard in silence. The tension in the air had weakened and all defenses had been abolished in our last embrace, all that was left to do was…
"Harvey," Cedric began, stopping in his tracks. "I really want to tell you something… but I just can't bring myself to do it. These arguments that have no meaning, please…" his eyes held back the tears and the emotional strain in his voice guided me into his arms.
"It's alright." I said softly, stroking the back of his head. "I should apologize as well. Please forgive me. I shouldn't have pestered you like that, I'm sorry."
He simply nodded and slouched into one of the frames carved out of the stone in the courtyard halls. He kicked at the ground and I stood there motionless taking in his words as I reflected back on the day. After a long moment of silence he opened his mouth to speak which immediately caught my attention but he just sat back and continued to stare out across the grounds. I simply took the chance to continue the conversation we had started.
"What was it you needed to tell me?" I asked, leaning up against the wall across from him.
"Oh yes," he stammered, getting to his feet. "I went and had a little chat with an old friend of mine today."
"Cho?" I inquired, raising an eyebrow and smirking at him.
"How did you-?" he began but I cut him off. "I had her in my morning potions class, she explained everything to me after I loosened her up a little."
He looked startled. "Everything?" he gulped.
"Well, not necessarily everything. She only said that you thought I would be upset that you went to see her at breakfast instead of letting me know first but I am only if you can explain to me what the two of you talked about." I had been pacing in front of him as I spoke and had just stolen his seat as I finished. He stepped in front of me and he go to his knees and placed his hands in mine.
"I went to her," he began, taking in a deep breath. "With an inquiry as to whether or not I should enter the tournament." I nodded and waited for him to continue but after a long while he had only stared at me expectantly.
"Well?" I motioned with my hand to continue."
"Well I think I'm-." his words were drowned out by the mad rush of footsteps galloping through the halls. We turned to look and I gasped in horror as his groupies and jerks bum rushed him. Before I could stand and dive out of the way they had scooped him up and began racing him towards the Great Hall throwing me to the ground and scattering my belongings across the floor of the hall. I didn't bother to check if he had called out for me or even so much as glance back, I gathered up my torn and tattered belongings and scuffed off towards the Great Hall myself, trailing behind them at a snail's pace.
Supposing man is a creature, I thought to myself, shaking my head at the sight of my soggy book bag being dragged along the stone floor behind me. Who always longs for the things he wants, what is it that we truly want? And then, the boy just struggles and struggles and when he finally notices he's just filled with emptiness… he achieves a new understanding.
I straggled into the empty entry hall to only to hear the echo of the roars and laughs, cheers and sighs from the Great Hall where the Goblet of Fire was being held for all who wished to enter the tournament to place there names. Unfortunately, it was just my luck to push open to the great doors to witness Cedric stepping up to the Goblet, surrounded by his adoring fans, and placing his slip of paper with the flawless signature into the swirling blue flames.
My heart sunk into a very dark place in that moment and just as I felt my eyes begin to glaze over and the darkness embracing my clouded visions I spotted Hermione sitting very poised with a book, alone in the far corner of the room. I shook my head and turned my gaze away from Cedric's longing eyes. I didn't see him replace his harlequin façade but he certainly managed to return to his public without a second thought.
I slouched down next to Hermione and felt a puddle form underneath me where my clothes had been soaked by the rain. I leaned back against the wall and managed a 'Hey' to her as she responded without taking her eyes away from her manuscript. She concluded her paragraph or whatever and turned to me.
"What's wrong?" she asked, cocking her head to one side.
"It's nothing." I said leaning forward and resting my elbows on my knees in order to prop my head up. "How are you?"
"I'm okay…" she scanned the floor and then noticed Cedric's little victory party migrate over to the opposite corner of the room. She smirked a little, nodded and turned back to me. "Cedric's a good friend of yours isn't he?"
"You could say that."
"I take it his posse doesn't particularly take interest in you?" she asked leaning closer to me and raising her eyebrows. I took one hand and pointed at her like a gun, fired and said; "You got it dude." with little or no enthusiasm whatsoever.
"I'm sorry to hear that," she began crossing her ankles and releasing a sigh. "But not as sorry as I'm going to be when Harry finds out Cedric's entered the tournament."
This just so happened to grab my attention. I sat up and scooted closer to her. At first I began fumbling around for my wand but I couldn't have come close to finding it within my sodden clothes. Recognizing my intentions, Hermione graciously waved her wand and cast a spell that warmed my clammy skin and dried my clothing. "Thanks very much for that," began straightening up and finally finding my own wand. "Now, what were you saying?" I asked her as I cast the same spell on my belongings.
"Oh nothing." she said replacing her wand. "It's just that when Harry finds out, he will be even more enthralled to take him out."
"Take him out?"
"Oh. Oh no no no, not like that." she motioned shaking her head and laughing a little. "No no, it's just that last year when Harry was attacked by the Dementors during the Quidditch match and Cedric won the game… he's just been trying to find a way to get him back. They seem like friends but do not be deceived, Harry considers Cedric just another one of his rivals." This didn't take me by surprise, I saw it coming really. But just as her words dwindled to a close the doors to the hall were thrown open as the students from Durmstrang stormed into the room.
Although most of them went straight for the Goblet to drop in their names and stand like marble statues along the walls, one in particular stood out among the rest. He stood back with their headmaster, Karkaroff, and slowly walked up to the flaming chalice. Placing his strip of paper in, the flame roared and caused him to turn away, locking eyes with Hermione. They sat there in a trance for a little while and when she realized this spell having been cast over her she began to blush and shook her head turned back to me.
"Erm," she began by clearing her throat. "What wer-what were we talking about?" I was still entranced by her words. Harry was out to seek his revenge upon Cedric? That was a strange thought but then I just figured he had all this welled up emotion he's turning into rage to seek out against all who've doubted him in the past. I shook my head and turned away from her. The conversation died and we turned to silence, gazing across the room at those we lust for.
I managed to steal a few guilt-ridden glances from Cedric as he mingled amongst his spectators and adoring fans. I would have gone over there to join them but I knew more than most that I was not welcome around them. I just had to think of a way…
Soon the hall began to fill with most of the student body and many of the teachers. All the representatives from both Durmstrang and Beauxbatons were present as Dumbledore strolled into the room. Harry and Ron managed to take their seats on either side of Hermione only after Ron awkwardly wedged between the two of us. I had no desire to sit amid them so as I looked longingly back at Cedric he only shrugged his shoulders as if he had not a clue as to what I should do. In time I found a spot on the wall directly behind the swarm of people, devouring Cedric with their words.
The room fell silent as Dumbledore raised his arms to cast stillness over the crowd, and so the ceremony commenced. Dumbledore dwindled on in the back of my mind with his words, all I could focus on was the back of Cedric's hair which had been matted from the rain and tangled with my embrace. I folded my arms and tried to pay attention. The dull glow of the brimming flame had cast a slight blue tinge around the room but now the flame had retaliated and the conflagration began thrashing about turning a blazing crimson. The tension in the air stood tight as the first scrap of paper was hurdled into the air. Dumbledore lurched out his slender fingers to snatch up the name and as he unfolded it to read the letters on the scarlet paper he gazed out into the faces of the spectators.
"The Durmstrang Champion is," he hesitated. "Victor Krum!" Roars of applause and a series of grunts sounded from the Durmstrang students as Victor stood and took a few victory bows before managing his way over to Dumbledore to shake hands and be led into the trophy room. I gave my appreciative golfer's clap and returned to my resting point as the goblet began to glow once more. This time it shot out a frilly blue-colored paper with gilded ribbons. Dumbledore pinched it between two fingers and read aloud the calligraphic name.
"The Champion from Beauxbatons will be," he smiled as he turned to face the lovely ladies from Beauxbatons. "Fleur Delacour!" She stood looking bewildered acting as if she didn't know she'd get in gave a courtesy curtsey and in turn shook Dumbledore's hand and walked into the trophy room. That was now two champions down and one to go, our faithful Hogwarts representative. My heart began to race and I could feel my palms sweating, something in the back of my mind sent foreboding signals my way. The goblet flared up once more and shot out a scrap of plain parchment high into the charmed night sky above us. It floated gracefully into Dumbledore's grasp and he unfolded it with a wide grin like a Cheshire cat.
"And finally our Hogwarts Champion…" he took a dramatic pause as I inhaled sharply. "Cedric Diggory!" he rang throwing his arms out. My heart sank as I saw him rise with a plastered grin, shaking hands with his friends and sliding the screaming girls off his shoulder. He looked over at me and simply winked and proceeded to hug Dumbledore who patted his back and sent him into the trophy room. I would have left right then and there if my feet had allowed me but my legs locked up at the sight of Cho's horror stricken façade. We exchanged glances of false hope and eventually lost all regard and just stayed to listen to Dumbledore's final words.
"Excellent! We now have our three champions." Dumbledore began as several more students erupted in applause and whistles. I scanned the room for a familiar face and only caught sight of Harry grinning wide-eyed at Cedric leaving the hall and once he managed to fall into my gaze he dropped his smile and turned back to Ron who was preventing Hermione to even look at me.
"But in the end," he continued. "Only one will go down in history. Only one will hoist this chalice of champions… this vessel of victory… the Triwizard Cup!" Dumbledore whirled around and pointed a finger at the head table where the shimmering trophy appeared in a flash and the student body released another wave of applause.
We always open the window to tomorrow by dreaming, I begin to think deep within my sorrow, hoping to find that light to lead me out of this torment. Though we know nothing is certain in this world.
And with that something just so happened to catch my eye. I turned my head to find the goblet starting to glow red once more. The flames thrashed within the brimming chalice as weary Dumbledore approached it with caution. This time it spewed out a scrap of paper directly at him. He caught it with no hesitation and studied to scorned bit of binder paper. Unfolding the slip he found a simple name scrawled upon it quite sloppily. At first he muttered the name under his breath, then slightly louder but still quite mumbled and then;
"HARRY POTTER!" he roared and all eyes turned to fall upon the shinning beacon of our school, our pride and glory, our poster boy. Jaws dropped and whispers swiftly swarmed the room as Hermione was so taken aback, in a panic, she threw him from the bench towards Dumbledore. He simply stumbled wide-eyed past him and into the trophy room.
Time seemed to pass by as slowly as the seasons change. It didn't take long for the hall to empty out but only Hermione, Ron and myself remained. Dumbledore had summoned the teachers and judges into the trophy room and slammed the door behind them as the three of us sat there in silence waiting for our loved ones to return. As students left, I was able to find myself a seat and Hermione returned to her book. Ron entertained himself by practicing a series of sighs, yawns, and coughs repeatedly until he was so satisfied enough by one that he would finally move onto the next. It only took Hermione a short time to whack him in the nose with her book to get him to stop. He settled and I began to drift away, aboard my thoughts.
Sometime later I felt a gentle tap on my nose, almost like some one had been stroking a flower's petal across my face. I wiggled my nose and shook my self awake. Sitting up I found that I had fallen asleep, sprawled across a bench in the Great Hall. Cedric was sitting across from me twirling a white amaryllis in his gentle fingers grasp. Through my blurry eyes I saw him trying to smirk at me.
"Hey there." he pet my cheek with a kind stroke of his tender thumb. I turned my head in the other direction and just so happened to see Hermione stroll out of the hall with Ron not far behind. Apparently so much time had passed that they thought it a worthless effort to continue to sit there in boredom and wait for their beloved friend plus Hermione had finished her book. Thusly Cedric either felt threatened or bewildered by my reaction since I still wore a scowl across my face. Eventually I gave in and gazed deeply into those heavy grey eyes as he preceded the attempt to converse.
"So uh," he began standing and pacing in front of me, still twisting the flower. "I'm the, or as it were, one of the Hogwarts champions."
"Congratulations." I blankly uttered, crossing my legs as I began focusing up on the swirling night sky. Cedric stopped and sniffed the flower and then dropped his hand down to his side and stuffed the other in his pocket. Crouching down in front of me he held up the flower as I wearily took it from him.
"Flowers are surely waiting for us in a place we have yet to see." he whispered to me, taking my hand and rubbing it against his cheek. I tore my hand away and stood up, towering over him in anger.
"Only before we are used to being bored and our time passes quickly." I spoke through gritted teeth and in doing so threw the flower down so that as it struck the stone floor the petals gave way and fluttered into the air. I began to storm out when he ran up and grabbed my arm after I had swung my bag over one shoulder. I jerked so that he'd release me and I trailed out into the courtyard as quickly as possible. I managed to hide behind the fountain and plop my bag down as I threw myself to the ground in a flustered heap. Rummaging through my belongings there was no hope in finding it so I just pulled out my wand and summoned a cigarette. Sticking it into my mouth I produced a flame from the tip of my wand. Breathing in the sweet intoxication I heard panting and footsteps in the distance of the halls. And just as I released a single breath of smoke into the air;
"There you are." Cedric panted leaning over me. "What is the deal with you?"
"What is the deal with me?" I asked wide-eyed, flicking my cigarette off to one side. "Are you seriously asking me that right now? I think the question should be, what's the deal with you entering that tournament?"
"I'm sorry Harvey," Cedric kicked at the tiles and rubbed the back of his neck. "I had no idea you didn't want me to. It's just my friends… they all wanted me to."
"And if all of your friends threw themselves in front of a dragon… would you do the same?" I screamed turning my back on him. He kicked the edge of the fountain in anger, grunting in the process.
"You sound like my mother." he spoke under his breath. The cigarette fell from my mouth and the embers scattered across the ground before me. My breath fell short and my knees buckled in. I began to collapse into the oblivion before me when Cedric dove into my path catching me in his arms.
"People die in this tournament." I began as a tear began to well up in my eye. "All this is about is your pride… your foolish pride! People die… and once you're in… there's no turning back."
"Harvey," he began, cradling me in his arms. "Please forgive me…" My emotions were giving in and I was about to lose myself once more in his eyes. I managed to sit up and I began stroking the underside of his chin with my forefinger, leaning into him.
"Even if it's the end of the world," I whispered into his ear, wrapping myself around him. "Even if people say with laughter that we're trying in vain… Let's go together, because nothing is so fearful as giving up." I kissed him for the first time submitting into this involuntary mortal ecstasy and all he could do was stand and walk away from me.
In the dorm, I climbed into bed alone and drifted off to sleep with a troubled mind and did not stay conscious long enough to see Cedric slip in and fall asleep in front of the fire with only his thoughts, the remnants of our last kiss still damp upon his lips and a pure white amaryllis in his palm.