Author's note: This is sort of a sequel to Bake Sale, taking place the week after, but even if you haven't read it, this should still make sense.

----------

Jim enters the office carrying a brown shopping bag. Pam and Roy are kissing at reception. Jim gives a quick glance to the camera while trying to walk past them as quickly as possible.

"Oh, hold on, Jim! Stop it, Roy! There are some messages for you." Pam reaches over to retrieve them, but Roy continues to give her a few light kisses. "Roy!" she says playfully, "Cut it out!" He continues. She keeps laughing. "Roy, do you want us to get fired?" He continues. "Just hold on there a second, Jim. Roy!" He continues, and she keeps giggling. Both of them are clearly enjoying it.

"I'll just, uh..." Jim watches on uncomfortably for a few moments before he goes to sit down.

(---

"Pam's birthday was last week, and ever since, she and Roy have been getting along pretty well." Pause. "That's just my guess, of course."

---)

Finally Roy stops. "All right, Pammy, I've gotta go. But I'll see you for lunch?"

"Okay, it's a date." They both smile, and Roy goes down to the warehouse. "Oh, Jim, where'd you go? I've got your messages right here."

He quickly gets up and retrieves them, mumbles "Thanks," and then goes back to his seat.

Michael walks in. He's a little tanner than usual. "Hey, Pamlet! Get thee to a nunnery!" Pam just stares at him for a second. "Oh ho, the lady doth protest too much, methinks! Shakespeare. Uh, any messages?"

"Uh, yeah." She hands them to him, and he looks them over.

"Ooh, did this call come in this morning?" He indicates one of the messages.

"Um, does it say it did?"

"Uh, yes it does."

"Then I guess it did."

"Excellent." He heads toward his office.

"Oh, and remember that for lunch you--"

"Yes, yes, Pam, I know. Gah! Do you think I have to be reminded about everything?"

Pause. "Well, it is my job." Pause. "And yesterday you forgot about that meeting with our sup--"

"Yes, well, that was different. Plus, I had a personal emergency, so--"

"I don't think there's such a thing as a tanning emer--"

"Look, just... forget it." He goes into his office.

----------

(---

"So awhile ago, I signed up for an online dating service, and today I have my first blind date. They call it a 'lunch date for busy professionals.' It's for people like me who don't have the time or money to go out for dinner. You know me, busy, busy, busy. Of course, if all goes well, maybe things will get busy, if you know what I mean. Uh, but not on the first date. That's...crude. A good first impression is key. You know what they say, you can't judge a book by its cover? Well, I can. And besides, if you don't look at the cover, how would you know if it's any good?"

---)

Michael is sitting at his desk, and Dwight is standing behind him. "So Dwight, I haven't talked to this woman yet, so I just want you to listen in, you know, give me your overall impression."

"Gotcha. Question: do you want me to check out her medical records?"

"Wha...? No... not yet, just... listen, okay?" He turns on the speakerphone and dials a number. It rings a couple times, and then a woman answers.

"Hello, this is Karen Roberts, United Community Centers."

"Hi, Karen, this is the lovely Michael Scott, returning your call."

"Oh, hi Michael! How are you?"

"Why, the pleasure is all mine. And how are you?"

"Oh, okay, I'm good. Uh, I was just calling to confirm our lunch date for this afternoon."

"Yes, yes, of course. Um, if you don't mind, maybe you could come down to where I work and we'll figure it out from there. Do you know where it is? 1725 Slough?"

"1725 Slough? Uh, yeah, I think I'll be able to find it."

"Are you sure? Sometimes people drive by it because they're going too fast, so when you get close, be sure to Slough down."

Pause. "Okay then. So I'll come by around eleven-thirty?"

"Sounds great." Dwight taps him on the shoulder and starts waving a pen in front of a pad of paper. "Hey, while I've got you on the phone, maybe a short questionnaire?"

"Oh, okay. Um, what do you want to know?"

Dwight scribbles something onto the pad of paper, and Michael reads it. "Uh, where did you go to school?"

"Uh, I went to Bishop O'hara." Michael frowns. "And then I graduated from Swarthmore."

Dwight scribbles another sentence, and Michael reads it. "What about your family?"

"Um, I'm an only child, but my parents still live in the city."

Dwight appears frustrated and writes something else. "No, I mean where did they go to school? What? Never mind. Uh..." Dwight writes another sentence. "Do you know the Heimlich maneuver?"

"Um...actually, yes. I, uh, also have CPR certification. Wow, you really are cautious, aren't you."

"Well, you never can be too careful. Hey, here's something I learned the other day. You know what CPR stands for?"

"Cardiopulmonary resuscitation?"

"No, Coffee Provides Resuscitation!" He laughs. Pause. "Get it? Because of the caffeine?"

Pause. "Um, yeah...I get it."

"Good, good." Dwight scribbles something else. "Uh, just one more question..." Michael reads it. "Have you had any plastic surgery? What? No, I am not asking...that...but...uh, have you?"

"Um...no. Are you feeling all right?"

"Uh, yes, I'm fine. Um, do you have any questions for me?"

"Um, let me think... So you work at, wait, let me see, Dunder-Mifflin, is that right?"

"Yup, for over thirteen years."

"That name sounds familiar. What do you do again?"

Michael looks offended. "Paper."

"Paper? You sell paper?"

"Uh-huh."

"Oh, you know what? Ha, what a coincidence! I think we buy our paper from you! Isn't that something!"

"Really? Well, that's just...great!" Dwight scribbles something else, and Michael reads it. "If you ever need more paper, just call 555-0177 and ask for Dwight Schr... What? Sorry, I mean--"

"Dwight? Who's Dwight?"

"Nobody, he's just, never mind. I have to go, bye." He abruptly hangs up.

"That went well," says Dwight. Michael glares at him.

----------

At the front of the office, there are two big cardboard boxes labeled "Food" and "Clothing". Creed picks up the food box and brings it over to Jim's desk. Jim takes a couple of cans of soup and some packages of pasta from a paper bag and puts them in. He also gets up and puts an old red sweater into the clothing box. As Creed carries the food box away, he pulls out the cans of soup, inspects them, nods, and puts them back.

(---

"I'm running a food and clothing drive this week for a homeless shelter in downtown Scranton. So you guys, too, if you'd like to donate some soup, preferably split pea or cream of mushroom, or some clothing, preferably men's large, thirty-four inch waist, just put it in the boxes outside, and I'll drop it off after work."

---)

Kevin walks by and mischievously drops something into the clothing box.

(---

"I'm donating my Speedo to charity. Stacy won't let me wear it anymore." Pause. "And the neighbors were complaining."

---)

Angela watches disdainfully as Kelly drops some items into the clothing box.

(---

"Of course, I support charitable giving. It's an important aspect of living a fulfulling life, as well as a necessary step towards fostering a healthy community. I just don't know if Kelly realizes that we're giving to a homeless shelter and not a whorehouse."

---)

Michael peers through the blinds of his office as Creed continues around the room with the box of food. Phyllis gives him some cereal and a bag of rice. Meredith drops in some canned fruit and a bottle of rum. The box is starting to get a little heavy, so Ryan volunteers to help Creed out. Kelly is following behind Ryan, trying to help him out, while he is trying to keep her from helping him. A few other people are standing about. Michael comes out of his office.

"Hey, Ryan, whatcha doing?"

"Oh, just helping Creed. Food drive," he says, as he tilts the box towards Michael. "You bring anything to donate?"

"Yes, of course! Uh, do homeless people eat turkey on rye?"

While Creed nods, Ryan says, "Um, I think it has to be nonperishable, you know, like soup or pasta or something. But if you didn't bring anything, I think you can also bring something tomorrow."

Creed adds, "Yeah, I'll be doing this all week."

"All week, eh? How much are they paying you?" Pause.

Oscar says, "It's volunteer, Michael."

"Oh, of course! Gah, I know!" Pause. "It's just funny that Creed is spending his time at work volunteering instead of doing... whatever it is that we pay him to do."

"It's for charity," says Phyllis.

"And does that make it okay?"

"Um, yes."

"Well, you know what?" Michael starts to get belligerent. "What if instead of telling jokes and boosting morale, I was organizing a boring charity drive. Huh? What would you guys think then?" The officemates exchange looks, but no one says anything. "All right, fine. As regional manager of this office, I hereby take over this charity drive."

Oscar says, "Michael, you can't just--"

"Okay," Creed interrupts. He hands Michael a slip of paper. "You just need to drop the boxes off to this address after work." Creed goes back to his desk and stares into space.

"Uh, all right. Now that that's taken care of, back to work!" Michael goes back into his office. Everyone else continues as before.

----------

Dwight is standing in Michael's office displaying a binder containing several colorful charts. "And in this graph, you can see how my opinion of her wavered throughout the conversation. And this graph..." He turns the page. "...shows the likelihood that your date will provide healthy offspring. Now, this next graph..."

Michael has his elbows on his desk and the heels of his palms over his eyes. "Gaaaahhhhh! Enough with the charts, Dwight!" Dwight is taken slightly aback, and he closes the binder and sits down. "I just want to know if you think she sounded hot."

"Uh, well I--"

"You know what, never mind. She obviously didn't have a good sense of humor, so she can't be hot. I knew this blind date thing was a mistake. Gah, I'll just cancel. Wait, what time is it?"

"Eleven twenty."

"Still time. I'll just call up her office, and... wait, no!"

"What?"

"Think, Dwight! She said she buys paper from us. If I cancel now, we might lose a client!"

"Maybe she won't mind."

"Pssh, yeah. Like any woman wouldn't go ballistic after I tell them, 'Oh, uh, I'm sorry Karen. Something urgent just came up and I can't make it. Maybe we'll try it again sometime.' Please, Dwight, think!"

(---

"I have an acute understanding of the female psychiatry. For example, if a woman says hello, she doesn't necessarily want you to ask her out. Or, if a woman tells you to stop calling her, that doesn't necessarily mean that she wants you to forget that she's your boss."

---)

Outside, Jim and Pam are looking over the contents of the clothing drive box. It's filled with an eclectic assortment of items, obviously just the collective bottom of the drawer of all the officemates. "Oh, check this out." Jim pulls out a madras blazer from the bin. He tries it on. It's a little too small.

"Very chic," says Pam. "Ooh," she says pulling out a feathery pink boa and wrapping it around her neck. "I'll be the poshest homeless girl in the neighborhood with this."

Jim laughs. They continue digging through the box when the door opens and Jan walks in, talking on her cell phone. As she walks up to reception, Jim goes back to his desk. "Hi, is Michael ready?" Jan asks Pam.

"Um, let me check." She buzzes him.

"Yes?"

"Michael, Jan's here."

"What?" He looks past Dwight through the blinds to see Jan standing at reception, looking at him. He quickly gets up and walks out to greet her.

"My dear Jan Levinson! To what do I owe this pleasure?"

Pause. "Michael, are you kidding me?" Pause. "We have a lunch meeting with Christian to discuss the new budget issues for the county, remember?"

"Uh...no..."

"We were going to have it in the morning, but then you rescheduled it for Chili's last week?"

"Uh, are you sure, Jan? Uh, Pam, do you know anything about a meeting today?"

"Um, yeah--"

"Well then why didn't you tell me about it? Isn't that your job?" He gives Jan a look as if to say, "Can you believe this?"

"Um, I did." Pause. "Remember, I was telling you about it this morning, and you said that you knew all about it and that you didn't need me to do my job and remind you."

He looks at her for a moment, and then he turns to Jan, who is staring at him, and says, "Yes...I...of course! I was just testing you, Pam! Ha ha, you passed! Ha ha! Good work! All right, I... will... be right back." He rushes back into his office, closes the door, and shuts the blinds. From outside his office, Michael and Dwight can be heard talking frantically. Jan looks annoyed.

A couple minutes pass and Michael has yet to emerge. Jan looks at her watch. Pam tries to make small talk. "So, did you just drive down from New York?"

Jan nods. "Yup."

Several beats pass. A moment later, Kelly walks up. "Oh my god, Pam, you look so cute in that thing!" She reaches over and feels the end of the boa. "If I had known you liked it, I would have given it to you! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Um--"

"What else is in here..." Kelly begins digging through the clothing box. "Oh my god, Pam, you're getting rid of this?" She pulls out a frilly blouse. "This is so cute! Don't you think so, Jan?"

Jan is surprised that she's being addressed. "Um, I don't really--"

"Isn't this just perfect for a hot date? Like the next time you want to go out with Michael, you could just--"

"Now, wait a second--"

"Oh, I'm sorry!" She turns to Pam. "I'm embarrassing her!" She turns back to Jan. "Am I embarrassing you?"

Jan hesitates for a moment. Then she quickly turns to Pam. "Uh, just tell Michael that I'll meet him there, okay? Okay." She rushes out. Kelly puts the blouse back, gives Pam a smile, and then heads back to her desk.

Michael is panicking in his office, pacing back and forth. "All right, there has to be a reasonable solution."

"You could take Karen to your meeting at Chili's."

"No, Dwight, why don't you think? Then Jan would be offended." He sighs loudly. "You know what, I'll just have to reschedule with Karen. What time is it?"

"Eleven twenty-five."

"Still time. Yes. Now where did I put her phone number?" He's searching through the papers on his desk when his phone beeps. He answers it. "Yes?"

"Michael, there's a Karen Roberts here to see you."

"Ohohokay. I'll be right out. Dwight, what am I going to do?"

"I can still hear you Michael," says Pam.

"Oh! Sorry." He hangs up, and then runs his hands through his hair for a moment. Then suddenly he slaps his hands against the desk. "You know what? I've got it. This is perfect!"

Outside, there's an attractive woman in her thirties waiting at the reception desk. Pam says to her, "I'm sure he'll be out in a minute." Kevin, who's standing in front of one of the cameras, indicates the woman and then wipes at his forehead.

The door to Michael's office slowly opens and Dwight steps out. He walks up to Karen and extends his hand. "Hi, I'm Michael?" he says. Jim and Pam exchange glances. Angela peers up from her desk.

She shakes his hand. "Karen. Nice to meet you. You know, you sound different over the phone."

"Yes, well, uh, I have a cold."

"I see. Well, where do you want to go?"

"Um, I hadn't really thought about it..."

"Uh, I'm always a fan of Chili's," she suggests.

Without thinking, Dwight says, "Sounds good. Let's go."

As they're leaving, Michael peeks through the blinds. When he gets a look at Karen, he smacks himself in the forehead. He tries to rush out of his office but trips over a chair. By the time he gets out, they've already gone down the elevator.

He recomposes himself. "Uh, Pam? I'll be back after my meeting with Jan."

"Okay."

As Michael heads out of the office, Jim approaches Pam's desk. "Wow, this is going to be a disaster," he says.

She giggles. "If only there were some way we could go see it..."

"Well, I don't know about you, but I suddenly have a hankering for an Awesome Blossom."

"Really? I was just thinking the same thing." She giggles and starts gathering her stuff. "Wait! We can't let them see us! And, uh, I'm banned from Chili's, remember?"

"You're right." Pause. "We'll need disguises. But where can we find some?" He fidgets with the lapel of the madras blazer, while she twirls the end of the boa.

Finally, she cracks. "All right. Wait, but what if someone sees us taking them out of the office?"

"Don't worry. We'll bring them back right after lunch. The only person who might get upset is..." He turns as Creed walks by reception and out the door wearing an old red sweater. He turns back to Pam.

"You drive."