Unloved
Summary: Everyone has left or ignored the eighteen-year-old Zack -- nobody seems to care for him anymore. But what happens when he decides to run away, then gets caught up in something bigger than anyone, even Cody, had expected? (Zack's POV)
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that are in the episodes of the Suite Life of Zack and Cody. I do, however, own the gangs/gang members. (Except Zack.)
A/N: Sorry about the majority of the chapters being short... I'm gonna try to make them longer.
"Yes." The answer was short and simple, but it told me what I needed to know, it answered the question I had asked, and that was good enough for me. But before I could answer my mouth to say anything else, Boss had continued. "That was my brother, with the dagger in 'is skull. I doubt that you took the dagger out, Vulture. Right?"
I shook my head. Was I supposed to? was the question that ran through my mind. I was sitting stifly, and I think that Boss could tell; his eyes showed slight sympathy. "N-no, Boss. I left it there..."
"As I said, I didn't think you would take it out. But if you did, you woulda had a pretty nice dagger. Imprinted on the hilt, in pure gold, was B.H., or Barry Hintsonn. Barry was my step-father." He paused slightly there, then added, "You saw other skeletons down there, too, didn't you, kid? If you did, those are mostly just victims. Of Barry and my brother. They were cold-blooded killers, and took the lives of more people than were seen down 'ere. Many, many more. And finally I killed my brother, there were no other options. Barry had died beforehand, due to some other gang. I don' know the details of his death. Don' care, either. It felt good at the time to kill my brother, and the world has been a better place since... Yet, still I sometimes regret that day. He was my brother, no matter what, y'know?"
"Yeah, I know..." I said that quietly, and Boss patted my shoulder and left. I completely forgot about the necklace... The story behind that piece of jewelry would just have to wait. As Boss shut the door behind him, I couldn't help it. Tears flowed down from my eyes, staining my cheeks and occasionally finding their way across my lips, allowing the watery taste to rest on me tongue,
But I didn't cry.
The tears flowed, I didn't stop them. And yet, I didn't cry. My face didn't get all messed up and red like it does when you cry, and I didn't make those crazy noises that happen when you're gasping for breath or something while you cry, either. I just let the tears come with the realization of Cody's death. I knew he was dead all along, I had killed him; but I never actually faced the facts, never came to really understand that he had died, that he was no longer there, no matter how much he left me, no matter how much he stayed away from me... And because of me. I had caused this, I had over-reacted, I had been the one that made him stay away, and all because of what? What had I done to receive that treatment from my own brother, my own blood? Why had he just left me there, no caring about anything I did or said, not caring what I felt, not caring about my pain. He didn't care. I had hated my brother, hated him more than anything because he rejected me when I needed him more than anything in the world, but still, I had loved him. Beneath all my hatred for him, there was the love I've always had for him, the want, the need, for him to just visit me, talk to me. But there was love. I still loved Cody.
I still loved Mom, even though she's dead. I still loved Dad, even though he wanted nothing to do with me. I still loved Maddie, as both friends and a love interest, no matter how much she wanted to annoy me. I still knew Moseby as that annoying hotel manager that, although we -- meaning me and Cody -- always got on his bad side. I loved him, in a way, like a kid would love his friend. I loved Esteban as a friend, and London in the same way. Max and Tapeworm, those two were with me for the longest time; they visited with me a month after Cody left, then there was nothing from them. And yet, I loved them all, no matter how much they ignored me, no matter how much they didn't care, how much they wanted to get rid of me, no matter how much of a pest, how much of a burden, I was to them. It didn't matter. I loved them.
And yet, no matter how much I loved them, all of them, I remained alone. I remained unloved.
The words echoed in my head: 'Give it up, Zack. You are unloved... unloved... unloved...' They took control of my brain, and I couldn't think of anything besides the fact that they didn't love me, none of them, that they all hated me. They didn't care about me, as if I was almost completely invisible to them, invisible to them all. Invisible.
"What are you going to do, Zack? Kill me?" came Cody's taunting words, and I could see a smirk on his face as he stood a few yards in front of me. I shook with anger, my hands changing into fists as I charged at my brother, then my hand going straight at his mouth. But as I punched, I could feel Cody disappearing, I could see it. It was as if it were merely smoke, and the feel was bone-chilling, and it left something on my hand -- blood. In fear, I backed up, then fell to the ground suddenly, as I hit something hard -- Cody. But then it disappeared, like the first one, leaving drops of blood on my body.
And then the ground left. I was falling from the sky, screaming, and my scream reminded me of Cody's. Oh, so much like Cody's! But Cody was up there, on top of what looked like flying bricks, smirking as he watched me fall, and it reminded me of myself when I killed Cody... Then I hit the sidewalk. I screamed out in great pain, but when I stood, I saw Maddie.
"Maddie?" I asked, stepping towards her. But she yelled at me. Anger filled her voice.
"How dare you, Zack! You just walked away from me, did nothing to talk to me. But you love me! How is that, why is that? How can you still love me, Zack? I turned you down years ago. Six years ago, ever since you started liking me. How could that love, that crush that meant practically nothing, and let it continue growing with you?" And then she smacked me. As my eyes closed, I could feel her disappearing, evaporating, just like Cody had done two times already. I felt like they were playing with me, toying with my emotions, trying to prove to me that they no longer needed me, no longer cared about me. But still, she went away, leaving me covered in even more blood. Then I realized... That was my blood. The tingle I got from that was the feeling of it taking the blood, forcing it in through the small pores, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Nothing I could do to save myself.
I was sweating blood, it coming out of my pores like rain from a cloud. Fast, unstopping. They had done something... They had made it come out easier, the tingle had left, but it was replaced with pain. Pain from the blood leaving my veins, going right through them as if they didn't exist. Yet I still lived. How was that possible? I looked around, and I could hear the many voices of those that I loved, all saying, "You deserve to die, Zack... You deserve to die."
Out came Cody's voice, louder than all the others, like they were background singers and he was the main singer. But this wasn't a song. It felt more like a speech that would kill me. "He killed me! He really killed me, pushed me off a building... He didn't want me to live. He wanted me to die! He hated me, more than anything in the world, and yet he didn't care that I died. It didn't matter to him, I didn't matter to him."
Then there was Maddie's voice. "I tried to help him, tried to get him to understand. But he wouldn't listen. He walked away, he didn't care, before I could do anything but call out his name. It was as if he wanted me to just leave, when he was angry at me for leaving in the first place!''
I couldn't take it anymore. "You left ME! You didn't care about ME! You all wanted me to die, nobody cared, everything went wrong. I had nobody to turn to, nobody to care for me, to help me when things went wrong, dammit. I killed you out of anger, Cody, you know that. You were supposed to be my brother, you were supposed to be there for me. But you weren't. You didn't care, you forgot about me and didn't care that you did. We both knew that I would go to jail sooner or later, but I am, no, sorry, WAS your brother. Even if you were alive I wouldn't call you my brother, Cody. You didn't care about me, you didn't want to visit me, you didn't even call me or e-mail me or even text me. How do you think that made me feel? And Maddie, I didn't need you to try comforting me. You would have done it beforehand, without me having to appear at your college, if you were really my friend."
I could see a smirk appear on all of their faces and Cody said to me, "I don't know, Zack... But you'll find out how I felt when you killed me. No, wait, your death will be worse!'' Each of them took a dagger from their belts and started to advance on me from all directions. I couldn't do anything. Cody's dagger came first, then Maddie's, then everyone else's followed...
I sat up in the bed, covered in sweat, my clothes sticking to me and almost soaked completely through. "Wha's wrong, Vulch?" Viper asked as he shoved the door open. He used the shorter nickname for me, and that was slightly comforting.
"N-nothing, Viper. Just a nightmare..." I bit my lip and sighed, then Viper nodded.
"We're here for you, bro, if you need anything. Yo're one of us now, y'know." He gave me one more glance before walking out the door, pulling the door closed behind him. I cringed as it squeaked closed, then stood up and took a deep breath. I knew what I had -- or, more like wanted -- to do now. Pulling myself together, I took my sticky shirt off and made my way to that all too familiar door, moving the rock away from its entrance. And then I got on my hands and knees, pulling the door open. It was a lot harder to open than I remembered, this time it took a lot more struggle. And the door creaked so loudly that it hurt my eardrums. But still I struggled with the door, and when I finally got it open, I wasted no time in crawling through the hole. I was glad when I reached the room. I knew where Boss' brother was, so I walked straight over to him and pulled the dagger as hard as I could. It took many tries before I could get it.
"How dare you kill me! You will pay for this!'' came the voice of someone that I didn't know, it was only in my head, I was sure... But how could I be sure? How could I be sure that I wasn't just hearing things? I couldn't be sure. And that is something that haunts me to this very day -- what was that voice? Who did it belong to? Why did I, of all people, hear it?
I temporarily shook all questions relating to the voice from my head, and looking one more time at that decaying, dead skeleton, I took a deep breath and crawled back through the tunnel, my hands getting hit many times by the rocks. I had forgotten a flashlight this time, and now I was regretting that. The flashlight would have helped greatly. However, I finally saw the light from my room shining through into the once almost pitch-black room, and I felt alot like a blind man who regained his sight. I felt like jumping for joy, and cheering, but merely because I was alive.
For now.
Shoving the door closed behind me, then picking the rock up and placing it in front of the door, I took the golden-hilted dagger into the bathroom and gently felt the edges as I began to wash the dried blood off, carefully but successfully. It wasn't very sharp, but sharp enough, anyway. Sharp enough for what I had planned. Adjusting it in my hands, I slashed my arm, the cut not going very deep, but deep enough for some blood to come out. I wrapped my arm in a bandage and sighed deeply. I had cut myself.