Unloved

Summary: Everyone has left or ignored the eighteen-year-old Zack -- nobody seems to care for him anymore. But what happens when he decides to run away, then gets caught up in something bigger than anyone, even Cody, had expected? (Zack's POV)

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that are in the episodes of the Suite Life of Zack and Cody. (Except Zack.)

They were talking about me. About my journal. I could hear them, Maddie saying, "We never knew how much he had gone through. Why didn't he tell us? We would have listened. It's not like we would ignore him or anything, as he claims in that book."

That got on my last nerve. They didn't think that they were ignoring me? They hadn't talked to me for years! That is, of course, excluding Maddie and Cody, and they had nothing to say. Nothing important, anyway. They shaped me. They made me who I am. Some may have said, "They've created a monster!" If I was a monster, I didn't care. They should be the ones to care. They changed me. They changed me into a beast, a killer. Someone who appeared not to care. And they didn't care. Not until I showed my new true self to the world.

"Liar!" I screamed, making all heads turn towards me. Even the guests and workers that probably didn't even know who I am. How suprising. As Maddie opened her mouth, I continued, cutting her off. "You say that you didn't ignore me. But that's a lie! You never came to see me. Not a phone call, not a visit. Same with Cody. He ignored me. Max and Tapeworm do the same thing. And, Moseby, you only talked to me to yell at me. Esteban, you'd walk the opposite way whenever I was in sight, and the only thing you ever said was, 'Move it, big blonde people.' Muriel, you don't talk to me at all. London, same with you." I paused slightly, looking at the faces of the people standing before me. But they didn't look that suprised. If anything, they were suprised I was there and talking to them like this. "And then you come in here and try to say that you don't ignore me? When I tried to tell you guys that Dad was abusing me, you didn't listen. Then when Cody was there, Dad wouldn't do anything to him. It was always me. Always me, that worthless piece of shit that's a freakin' burden to the damn world. Dad was right -- I'm a worthless piece of shit. It was only a matter of time for everyone to realize that. Again, Dad was right. And keep your damned hands away from my journal."

"Zachary Martin, do not use that language in my hotel," Moseby said firmly, as if I had never said anything except cuss words.

"My point has been proven. Did I just admit the truth for nothing? Did I just tell you what happened, just to be ignored again? I shouldn't have even bothered." I grabbed my journal, glared at each of the people in the room, and began to walk out when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I whipped around, taking my hand and slapping the person in the face. I had just slapped Moseby. And why?

Then I saw Maddie coming closer to me, staring in my eyes. They say that you can tell what a person is feeling by looking in their eyes. But could you tell the feelings of someone who isn't even sure of their own feelings?

A part of me was sad and depressed. That sadness and depression led to the hatred and the anger I was feeling, the need to give them what they've done to me. But then, the other part of me wanted to be understanding and forgiving, it wanted for me to say that I was sorry. Yet, the first part always ruled out the second part. They'd taken me in way too deep. I couldn't just say I was sorry. And if I did, would it all just start back over again?

I tore my eyes from Maddie's as Moseby said, "Zachary Martin, I want you to leave this hotel right now and never come back. And give me the extra key." He was obviously upset. I couldn't blame him, though. I had just slapped him on the face.

"Gladly," I replied, throwing the key and clenching my jaw, readjusting my grip on the journal and then walking out the doors. I looked back once, I know that I shouldn't have but I did, and I saw most of them with happy faces and making what seemed to be joyous remarks. The only one that didn't was Maddie, who was standing right at the place that she had looked into my eyes at. Maybe she was thinking. Maybe she was actually watching me leave. It didn't matter. It's not like she cared.

Taking a deep breath, I turned back around to face where I was going and began to walk, back to the base. With my journal. And the only thing that went through my mind were Dad's words -- ''You worthless piece of shit." I had always thought that my friends would be there for me. I was wrong. I had been left, not wanted. I had been ignored, turned into a monster. And what did they care? Nothing. That was just it. Nothing. I was nothing to them. They cared nothing about me. And why should they?

I stopped, half-way back to the gang's place, my place. My home. I stopped, and I turned, trying to remember where the nearest body of water was and ran. The wind weaving through my blond hair like I was twelve again; it felt great. My feet hitting the ground for only a split-second before they went back into the air again, my hands turning into fists as I ran faster and faster, gripping my journal tighter in one hand. Smiling broadly as I ran, my eyes squinting against the wind that came at me, my heart pounding in my chest and my ears; remembering all the times I'd race Cody through the lobby, then to the park. All the games we played -- lobby football, basketball, hockey. As I neared the water, I put my hands on my bent knees and put my head down before collapsing onto the ground, where I rolled over and looked at the sky.

My breathing was heavy, and my fears, my problems, and my anger had been forgotten. Whoever said that you couldn't run from your problems was wrong. I just had. I had ran, ran as fast as I could and then I forgot about everything that was bothering me. Acting like a little kid again, figuring out what kind of shapes the clouds where. I loved it. I wished I could just go back, make my life different. Be different. Let Cody live.

Tears filled my eyes again, and I remembered my previous thoughts -- I was Zack Martin, the tough twin, the twin that never cries. The twin that had to always be strong for Cody and Mom. And where did that get me? Nowhere. But I shut my eyes and the tears slid out, and as I opened them the whole world was blurry. The tears ran down my face, no matter how hard I tried to stop them. I was weak. I couldn't even face these problems. I had to run away from them. Laying my journal beside me, I just went all out and cried. Made the choking noises (involuntarily, of course) and everything. And it felt good.

As I regained control, I made a few more choking noises that I just had to make in order to quit crying. I wiped my eyes and sighed. Why did nobody seem to understand? Sure, Boss and the others accepted me, but did they really know what was going on? Did they know why I killed Cody? Did they know what I was feeling? Did they know how much I regretted his death? Did they really care?

Rubbing a hand through my hair, I fought back more tears. Remembering my journal, I opened it and my eyes fell onto the page.

'July 19th

I was, of course, at Dad's today. For my second year. And this year... Let me tell you, it's worse than last year. Today, he had this girl over. I could hear them all day. When I even made a sound, Dad would come busting in and he would hit me. One time he hit me so hard I fell unconscious.

But Dad wasn't the only one abusing me. The girl he had over did, too. And she used the gun. It was a small gun, but she took it out of her pocket and shot me, in the ear. It was sticking out, so the bullet went right past my skull. Maybe people will ask me about my ear. Maybe not. What should I expect? People have been drifting away from me lately, and I don't like it.

Anyway, Cody was here with me today. He had been able to leave. Dad told him that I was going to do some kind of bonding. When Cody got back, he didn't seem to notice my new injuries. Not even my ear. Dad had cut my hair, too. Shaved it bald, in fact. So the ear must've been visible. All Cody talked about was this girl he met. How he liked her and he thought she liked him and all. But I was supposed to be the guy all the girls liked! Not Cody!

This definitely angered me. But what would I say? If I got mad at Cody, Dad would come in looking all nice and tell Cody he could go watch TV while I had a talk with hm. And then, Dad would hit me. Hurt me so badly, and then when Cody came back in he wouldn't even notice my injuries. Some brother. Some Dad.

Some life.

- Zack'

I could see that day clearly in my mind. Everyone seemed to be turning against me, not Cody. But why? It's not like I had done anything in particular. And yet, they all seemed to hate me. I was staring at that page, in my own little world, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Turning my head, wanting to know who wanted me, I saw Maddie. I slammed the book closed.

"What do you want?" I demanded, knowing that my face was probably still red from my crying. I tried to sound tough and angry, but my voice wavered a bit, I could tell. I just wanted it all to go away. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to turn back time. I wanted to do everything right.

"I just wanted to see if you were okay..." Maddie said quietly. I knew that she could tell how hurt I was. I knew that she knew what I was feeling. But what was I feeling? I gulped, turning my head away.

"I'm -- I'm just fine, Maddie. You've seen that I'm okay, though why everything suddenly matters to you now is beyond me." I bit my lip, my hand going up to my ear and my pinky going through the small hole.

"I didn't know, Zack. None of us knew what you were feeling." She paused there, and as I opened my mouth she started again. "You should have told us about your dad's abuse, Zack. Why didn't you?"

"Dammit, Maddie, I tried! I tried to tell you, but everytime I said something you would all just say I was crazy or give me a look like I was going insane or like I was an idiot or something. Don't you get it? You ignored me." I turned from her, and when I felt her hand on my shoulder I took a deep breath before turning to face her.

"We didn't mean to ignore you, Zack. We really didn't. How were we supposed to know? I was busy with school, Cody was busy with school..."

"Shut up, Maddie! Just shut up! You weren't that busy with school if you could drive down here today, and it's not even on a break. So just stop saying that you were 'too busy' and that Cody was 'too busy'. If Cody was too busy why'd he try to arrest me that night? If he could try to arrest his own brother in the middle of the night, why can't he call me during a break?"

I could see the tears well up in Maddie's eyes as I finished, breathing heavily. "Zack..." She paused again, wiping her eyes and sniffling. "London said it was urgent for me to come down here. So I did."

"I'm done, Maddie, I'm done. I give up. I'm throwing in the towel. I'm going to stop trying to explain this to you. You never listen. I'm just going to stop fighting. I'm going to let this new me become the only me. This new me that you created, with the help of everyone around you. The me that killed Cody, that joined a gang. I'm done with the fight, Maddie. I'm done trying to change the me that you created. It's not working, and I'm not going to try to make it. That's it. This is me now. Hope you like it." With that I turned around and walked away, leaving the old me right there beside Maddie. I wasn't fighting against myself anymore. It was over, like I said to Maddie. The fight... I was done with it.

I was done with it and it was done with me. Just the way it should be. I'd become the person that everyone obviously wanted for me to be. And that was it.

A/N: Okay, so that was the end! If you want me to, I'll make a sequel. Be sure to ask me. If at least three people want me to, I will. Other wise... That's it.

A/N2: It's four pages, like I promised it'd be! Aren't you happy? xD