Dark Lords in Baby Food Jars
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters/names/and such you recognize. If I did, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction. I also must give credit where credit is due. Val – I heart you. We are insane and should be locked up but alas we're not. So we can write all this messed up stuff.
Chapter 2: Isle 12
Regulus apparates to home depot with Baby Harry and the Baby Food jar that contains Voldemort
Voldemort: i told u to get a bigger jar
Regulus: they were out, we'll get u one here. Excuse me common muggle, perhaps you can tell me where can i find a large jar to put my disembodied master in?
Common Muggle: You mean an urn?
Regulus: A what? i was thinking of more like a mason jar, you know a bigger baby food jar.
Voldemort: screams through jar
Common Muggle: isle 12
Regulus: what about duct tape?
Common Muggle: isle 12
Regulus: you wouldn't happen to have bon bons would u?
Common Muggle: they're at-
Regulus: isle 12?
Common Muggle: no, the checkout.
Regulus: bullocks.
Common Muggle: have a nice day
Regulus: when we take over the world. you're death will be quick and painless. we like u.
Common Muggle: Skedoodles out of his way
Regulus makes his way to Isle 12, and finds what he was looking for is not there.
Regulus: i take back what i said. his death will be slow and painful. he'll baby-sit the boy.
Baby Harry: stares at Regulus and giggle.
Common Muggle #2: what are you lookin for?
Regulus: a mason jar, and duct tape.
Common Muggle #2: That'll be isle 2 for the mason jar and isle 45 for the duct tape.
Regulus: shit. should we split up?
Voldemort: I'm in a jar. I can't move
Regulus: oh yeah. Dang it. Sorry about that, i forgot.
They get duct tape first.
Regulus take the tape and puts some over Baby Harry's mouth.
Baby Harry: muffled poopie slug
Common Muggle #3: you're gonna have to pay for that.
Regulus: shush, i'm trying to silence my baby
Common Muggle #3: i don't think you're doing it right
Regulus: it's my baby
Common Muggle #3: it looks nothing like you, it's not purple. why are you purple?
Regulus: i was born this way. i don't make fun of u for being incompetent and having small beady little eyes. Now get away form me u beady eyed leprechaun. shoo!
Common Muggle #3: Runs away crying
Regulus puts used duct tape back on shelf
Voldemort: can I have a bigger jar now?
They go to isle 2.
Regulus: they seem to be out, master.
Voldemort: no they're not. i see them. they're right over there.
Regulus: where? I see nothing
Voldemort: get a blasted ladder and go get them
Regulus: I still don't see them
Voldemort: you just want me in this little jar don't you?
Regulus: You look cute down there.
Voldemort: just get the bloody jar already.
baby harry takes off duct tape
Baby Harry: poopie pants!
Regulus: You can wait five minutes. Lucius has enough practice with his own son. he can do it.
Baby Harry puts duct tape on Regulus' eyes
Regulus: ahhh. Master i cant see!
Voldemort: Don't drop me, u dolt. drop the kid, he'll bounce, i won't.
steals small mason jar
Voldemort: it's better than nothing...hardly
Regulus: stop blubbering. Want some cheese with that wine?
Voldemort: just take me home.
Regulus: to the VOLDIE CAVE...er...Riddle House