I don't own stargate, sadly, but I'm young, I have the rest of my life to scheme. I was feeling particularly dark when I wrote this but then I realised I was just fueling my depression so I changed the ending from what I had originally planned. I hope you agree with it.
A great big thank you to SG-Fan who beta'd this! You are a life-saver.
Pain.
White hot burning pain.
The smell of burnt flesh invaded her nostrils.
Sound dulled. Bullets became a soft thudding rather than a piercing crack.
Vision blurred and darkened. She felt lost.
Scared.
Her body wouldn't move, wouldn't respond. She tried to scream but she couldn't find her voice. She tried to cry but couldn't create the tears. She tried to call for him but her mouth refused to open.
Shock.
Oh God! What's happening?
Falling.
She was falling. She hit the ground with a resounding thud. Bullets and fire whizzed around her.
And oh God the pain! It was worse than she could have ever imagined.
Her eyes were still open, still aware of the battle that raged around her. Her friends. Did they know? Could they see her like this? So close to death. Her mouth was open in a shocked expression, blood around her lips and gagging her throat.
She can't be dying! She wasn't meant to die now! She can't die now. I want to live!
Please! Oh God! He doesn't know. God, please. Tears managed to form in her eyes and they began to close. Please, let me survive, I'm not a praying person, God, but if you were ever going to grant me one thing, let me get the chance to tell him how I feel.
"Carter!" Jack bellowed and arrived to drag her by her collar out of the line of fire. He took her head in his hands and found her pulse. "Sam, speak to me. Come on, Sam!"
She was trying. She was trying so hard to shape words… but she couldn't do it. She was going to die. She watched through half-closed lids as his expression became panicked and desperate as he watched Daniel dial the gate to get them out of harms way. They weren't going to get her to the infirmary in time, she knew it and he knew it. It was only a matter of time now.
"Oh God, Sam," he whispered as he held her head in his lap and stroked her hair. "Please…don't go…"
She only had the strength to peer around her in a dazed expression. She could feel her brain beginning to shut down. She couldn't even remember what they were doing on this planet in the first place. She had a brother…what was his name? She couldn't even remember her brother's name.
"Hang on, Sam," Jack whispered, holding her close to him. "You're going to get through this; you'll be back soon."
Back where? Where had they come from again? She wasn't sure of anything anymore. The only thing that was certain was that she loved Jack O'Neill. With all her heart. Since they first met and now with her last breath.
She wasn't even sure why that was wrong; she had forgotten why they hadn't acted on their feelings. Some stupid rule? Hardly seemed important now, did it?
Everything was so fuzzy. So dark. And she was in so much pain. So much hurt. She could only register his arms around her. Holding her. Safe. Warm yet she was so cold. So dark. And she was so scared. Terrified.
"Jack?" her voice croaked out.
Hope burst in his eyes and he pulled her in tighter. Safer. Warmer.
"I'm here, Sam," he begged, "Stay with me."
She reached out and clutched his jacket with all the strength she could muster. She did that until her knuckles turned white and her fingernails dug into the heel of her own hand.
"Jack?" she was so confused. "Don't go," she let a sob escape her.
"I'm not going anywhere," Jack said, tears coming to his eyes. "Daniel's got the gate open. We're going to make it, you hear?"
Jack hooked an arm under her head and under her knees and pulled her up. He made a slow progress towards the gate.
The frightening sound of a staff blast sizzled through the heated air until it was stopped by something with a fleshy thud. Jack went down. His eyes wide with shock and disbelief as the pain shot through his shoulder. Sam landed next to him.
He would make it, he knew. The injury wasn't fatal but there was no way Teal'c could get to her in time. Sam wouldn't make it. He could feel her life slipping away just as if a part of him was leaving.
Her eyes were closing. He could get up. It was possible but there was no way he'd be able to carry her with him and he wasn't going to leave.
"I'm sorry," he whispered to her.
"Don't be stupid, sir," she croaked "I can't expect you to be Superman."
He reached out and touched her cheek. Cold.
"Bye Jack," Sam said quietly, eyes closing for the final time.
Jack shifted his pain filled body just as Teal'c reached them and placed a kiss on her blue lips. "Bye Sam," he whispered before passing out.
Jack slowly found his way back to consciousness. Everything was… Beeping?
Must be in the infirmary. Why was he in the infirmary?
Then it hit him. The events of the last mission. Her last mission.
No.
He wouldn't believe it. Couldn't. She didn't die. Just a dream. Don't worry yourself like that, Jack, he told himself. Not real.
Denial wasn't just a river in Egypt, obviously. Still, he wouldn't open his eyes until he had to, until he was ready to face what had happened.
"Colonel O'Neill is making a steady recovery, sir," he heard Janet's voice.
"Does he know about Major Carter?" Hammond asked softly.
"He hasn't woken up yet, sir."
He knows, Jack thought, He just doesn't feel like facing it at the moment. Being left alone sounded tempting. Dying sounded even more so.
"I know she'll want to talk to him," Hammond said in a relieved voice. "When did she wake up?"
"Half an hour ago, sir," the doctor answered.
His eyes snapped open to allow a great view of the ceiling to invade his vision. Alive? Awake? Talking? Carter?
He turned his head and tried to say something only to find his throat and mouth extremely dry. Alerted by his croaking, Janet spun on her heel and started checking vitals.
"How are you, Colonel?" she said soothingly.
"Sam?" he managed to get out.
"Hang on," she ordered and handed him a glass of water with a straw. "Drink."
He saw the authorative gleam in her eye and obeyed. "Carter?" he tried again, pushing away the red straw moments later.
"She's just behind there, Colonel, you can go to her in a minute…"
His attention was shifted to a curtain that was drawn around a bed a couple of cots down. Without waiting to hear the end of the doctor's sentence, he picked himself up on shaky legs and stopped Janet's protests with an arm. He tugged the IV out of his arm and ignored the pain. Marched over to her bed and tore the curtain open.
It was the most wonderful thing he had ever seen. What could be more beautiful than an alive, smiling, red-lipped, rosy-cheeked, gorgeous Major?
The relief washed over his heart. He couldn't help what happened next. He just walked up to her, took her head in his hands, and kissed her. Passionately. Hardly registering Janet's complaints that she had no control over her patients and Hammond's chuckles. Fully involved with the sensations of her tongue, her lips, her taste, and her hands on the back of his neck.
They should have done this sooner.