Chapter 3
Weakness coursed through her body, but Wanda smiled about Bucky, running her fingers over her lips. After what happened with Steve earlier, she never thought such an instant connection with Bucky was possible, no matter how handsome. Hell, she spent plenty of time around Thor and this never happened. That man oozed sex appeal. Her feelings for Steve needed to be sorted, eventually. But she knew he didn't love her and neither one of them was the 'friends with benefits' type. She confused loving him and being attracted to him with being in love.
Part of her worried that Bucky's attraction to her was the lack of females available to him, but surely, she would sense that immediately, if true. They were on the run from the government and living in a safe house and she's worried about her dating prospects. She Is being ridiculous.
Steve said her name and she realized he'd come in only to find her staring off into space. "Did he upset you?"
Staring blankly until she realized what he meant, she grew annoyed about it. Steve was upsetting her, not Bucky, just by asking her to do this. But she wanted no more discussion than necessary.
"I will show what they did to wipe his memories and prepare him for a mission. I can't show you what happened when they first found him because that information was in the most damaged parts of his mind and I couldn't restore it. Okay, that's not exactly true. I could, but I chose not to. He is well rid of those memories. I refuse to let you know how he felt. I just think his pain… his fear… any feelings he had before the programming kicked in are a personal thing. He didn't even get a choice about sharing it with me. I won't show you the torture. Never ask. This alone will be unbearably hard for you. It always hurts worse to watch someone you care about suffering. Not only are you seeing his trauma but you're seeing it all at once, not spread out over decades."
Steve reached for her arm and she could see such desperate need in him. A need for clarity for the puzzles that had long tormented his mind. She wanted to warn him he would find no simple answers, only more pain. But he wanted hard evidence, not her assurances. "Thank you, Wanda. I appreciate the way you're protecting him. Are you too tired to do this now?"
Tempted to say yes, she knew she'd have to do it sooner or later. "Yes, but if I put it off, I won't do it at all," she replied sardonically. "Steve, I cannot believe you even want me to do this. You are going to regret it so much." She dropped her face into her hands, trying to clear her mind. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She wished she could absorb some of his strength, but she knew he'd need it just as much soon.
Eventually, she turned him around and sat him on the bench. Never having done something like this, well in this specific situation, she didn't know what was the best way to do this, but him sitting down seemed like a given, at least for his sake. She studied him for a moment, then wondered if he should lie down. "I will not lie. I'm a little afraid of your response. I really don't want to get punched and that might happen. Or you could jump up and run me over. So… lie down just in case." Steve moved to the piles of straw where Bucky had set up his blanket. Lying down, he looked up at her expectantly. "If it's too much, tell me and I will stop right away."
"I will. I trust you won't hurt me."
"Do not kid yourself. I will hurt you, but you begged me to do it." She rolled her energy around her hands for a few minutes, trying to focus. Her power felt so erratic. If she wasn't careful, she could really hurt Steve. Opening her eyes, she raised her hand over his forehead and noticed she was shaking. Why was she doing this totally insane thing? Because, like Clint pointed out, all Steve had to do was ask. "Steve, I'm going to start with something that is only moderately horrible. I'll build up slowly, but you have to tell me if it's too much. Do not stay silent or I could do actual harm to you. Just close your eyes and try to relax."
Wanda felt Bucky in the barn before she saw him. Glancing at him to make sure he hadn't changed his mind, she waited for his slight nod. She breathed in deeply a few times before starting. She used the memories of when HYDRA woke Bucky for a mission. As the cryo-freeze wore off, he always panicked because he didn't want to be controlled or kill again. They cruelly allowed Bucky to resurface each time before they wiped him. He would try to fight them, but they kept him disoriented until they had him restrained in the chair. This was a powerful memory that repeated so often in Bucky's mind, she could easily recall it.
As the red energy drifted from her hand into Steve's mind, she tried to sooth him, hoping to make him see without making him suffer too unbearably. Normally she could easily do something like that, but tonight she had to just focus on not hurting him. He flinched, his eyes squeezed shut, and he turned away multiple times like he wanted to avoid the energy, moaning in obvious pain. But she knew it was the visions she was exposing him to, not her powers that hurt him. She stopped instinctively. Opening his eyes when she stopped, panting, he asked her to continue after a few moments. She gradually escalated the number of visions to show him. She could barely continue when she got to the mind wipe part.
Now that she knew Bucky, it was much more unbearable for her to recall and would be even worse for Steve. Tears appeared on his lashes. She reached down with her other hand and took his hand, intertwining their fingers. She knew it was risking him crushing her fingers if he clenched his hand, but she felt like her hand would be a little physical presence for him to hold on to, to get his bearings. Wanda felt his fingers were trembling. When the memories of Bucky's screams came to him, his hand gripped hers harder, painfully so, but she resisted the urge to pull away.
"Steve, should I stop?" she asked. He shook his head without speaking and she saw the tension in his whole body. He had already bitten his lip so hard it was bleeding. Tears streamed down her face now as her hand shook even more. "Please, Steve… let me stop." It was hard for her to go through this, but more than that, she felt sick knowing the pain she was causing him unnecessarily in her opinion.
"I have to know. If he can survive living it, I can survive just seeing it." His voice was thick with unshed tears. "I need to see what they did to him after I let him fall."
Wanda stopped, jerking her hands back instantly. Her gaze flew back to Bucky, but gratefully, she saw he had left again. "Steve, you are not responsible for what Hydra did or his fall! Is that why you wanted me to show you? To punish yourself further? Stop doing this shit. You can't make Bucky any better that way. He would be furious if he knew about this." Steve sat up; his face lowered. Wanda put her arms around her neck to hug him. "I promise I'm going to help him. But please stop doing this to yourself. You've already lost Peggy and Tony. And you seem hell bent on punishing yourself for the world being a terrible place full of bad people. You can't fix everything by yourself."
Steve held her in place when she attempted to pull away, resting his forehead on her shoulder. His breathing was uneasy. It wasn't like earlier. There was no desire in this embrace. His need for her this time felt desperate and helpless. He couldn't handle what he had seen, and he wanted her to fix it. She wanted to comfort him, but she felt like her power problem was building and getting worse, which was making her genuinely afraid now.
"Why don't you go inside and rest even if you can't sleep?" she suggested. "This is where Bucky intended to sleep so shouldn't you go inside? I don't want to kick him out of here."
"Thank you for doing this for me," he muttered, his hand trailing down her arm. "I sense it was hard on you."
"It's fine. I told you earlier that I would help you if I could. Tomorrow, it won't hurt as badly." She leaned over and kissed his cheek. Steve wrapped his hand around her neck and pulled her closer, kissing her urgently. She hadn't expected him to kiss her again, and really didn't know how to make this car crash stop. She felt guilty, like she was leading both him and Bucky on by letting this kiss happen. And also opening hers and Steve's friendship to irreparable harm. Putting her hand on his chest, she pulled away from him completely, whispering, "Steve, stop. We can't."
"I'm sorry," he replied as he sat up. "I just can't get this right."
Wanda didn't want to cause him more pain. He acted as if he was an open wound. She understood his pain, but she couldn't fix it despite how much he seemed to want her to. But she should be honest with him about earlier, at least. She sat up with her legs crossed. "Steve, earlier when we kissed and I ran away, it wasn't because I didn't want you to kiss me. I did, actually. It was because I noticed my energy glow. I think maybe you reacted the way you did was because I accidentally made you feel my desire. I didn't mean to do it and I'm sorry."
Holding her breath, Wanda waited for him to respond. She thought she might scream after a while. She just wanted him to say something, even if he was angry. Finally, he sighed and shook his head. "I don't think you made me feel it. I didn't feel like I did when you messed with my mind before or this time. I've wanted to kiss you before. I just never acted on it until tonight."
That took her by surprise. "Why?"
Steve shook his head with amusement. "You're over seventy years younger than me, to start with. Of course, I'm attracted to you, you're a beautiful woman, whose company I enjoy. But it never seemed right while we were training. Honestly, I don't think the two of us will ever work out as a couple. You deserve a young man who can give you that family and a home you want so badly."
"That's not it," she mused. "You were our team leader and I think you worried it would be inappropriate. Or maybe it's because as long as Peggy Carter lived, you couldn't let go."
"I don't know. I do know that I'm not suited for these times as far as women go."
His sorrow was hard to bear and she brushed her fingers down his face with a very subtle trail of energy to help him. "Steve, you haven't really had time to find the right woman. With all that you've going through now, maybe you should stop beating yourself up a bit about Bucky, Tony, the Avengers, all of it. No one at that airport was there against their wishes. We stood with you and we'd do it again even knowing the end result." Sternly, she added, "This whole thing we just did was a painful exercise in futility. You should have never asked me to see that or even asked him to let you. If you knew every hurt he suffered, it would not change a thing for him. You can't keep doing this to yourself. You have blamed yourself for Bucky since he fell off that train." He gave a half shrug, then looked down.
"I knew it was bad," he answered, in a voice both horrified and stunned. "But I didn't know how bad."
And he had only seen a small part of it. "Steve, I am going to help Bucky with his mind control issues, so he can begin healing. Maybe then you can start accepting that he's a big boy. You could always teach him things like using the internet and how to order at Starbucks."
She couldn't help but smile because no matter how much she and Natasha begged, Steve refused to order anything but a big black coffee. Even when she explained about Tall, Grande, and Venti. And, of course, the people at Starbucks fall all over themselves to get Captain America a large black coffee. Then Steve got irritated that it was a paper cup without a handle, but that was a different issue. Feeling another wave of dizziness, Wanda tried to sit completely still and closed her eyes so perhaps she could regain her equilibrium.
Steve took her hand and she opened her eyes quickly. "Are we good? Your friendship is important to me, Wanda."
"Of course we are. But I don't think we should do the kissing part again. It just confused us both. But I guess now we know." Wanda felt like she would not make it until he left, as dizziness and exhaustion continued to crash down over her. Standing slowly, she didn't give him an opportunity to discuss what she had said and insisted that he needed to get some sleep. She had to catch herself when she swayed on her feet.
"You aren't coming in?" He stood up.
"No, I need to talk to Bucky about something. Steve, it's going to be hard for you to deal with what I've done. I can make it easier, like make the memories come slower or something. Or something to help you sleep tonight," she offered.
He shook his head before bending down to kiss her forehead. "I need to process this my own way. I'll send Bucky back in here if I see him."
The door hadn't completely closed behind him before Wanda dropped and lay on the blanket. Curling into a ball, she tried to stop her shaking but gave up and focused on her other, more urgent issues right now. Sobbing loudly, her hot tears ran down her cheeks. Her head felt like it was going to explode and she held it in her hands, pressing down on her temples. It was like being beneath tons of water crushing her. Visions ripped through her head painfully; dreams the team were having, their memories, Bucky's memories, her brother's memories lingering in her mind from before, she even could sense the thoughts and dreams of strangers who lived close by. Considering the fact that they were at least twenty miles from the nearest neighbor, the distance was further than her power had stretched before and she couldn't stop it. Panicking, she tried to focus on one thing and block everything else out, but it was impossible. She couldn't sort out what was their dreams and what was real, or what were their thoughts and what was hers.
Normally, she could stop the thoughts and visions of other people if she wanted, and mostly she did, but now it seemed impossible. She felt like with everything flooding in and she was losing her grip on her own thoughts. But a vision of the mind stone burning in her head made her feel like she was losing her sanity.
Bucky watched Wanda for a few minutes, walking to her with caution. He could see her extreme distress but stood helplessly, unsure what was wrong. He debated getting Steve, but before he decided, she cried out, gripping her head tightly, and he rushed over to her.
"Are you hurt?" he cupped her cheeks, trying to get her to focus on him.
Grasping his wrist, she raised her eyes to his. Bucky could see her terror. "The collar," she cried out, her eyes flashing in desperation. It took him a moment to realize that she meant the collar they put on her on the Raft to suppress her power. Bucky had ripped it off her when he was freeing her from her cell earlier, but he didn't look at it long enough to know what it did. Clint told him later.
"What do you need me to do?" Every once in a while, a red glow would ripple up her skin. He could feel electricity in the air. She dug her nails into his wrist. Her eyes were completely red now. Her voice barely above a whisper, she attempted to stand and told him, "I need to… get away… from…" She cried out and some of her energy slammed into his chest as Wanda collapsed to the floor.
Whether she needed to get away from him or the others didn't matter to Bucky. He scooped her up, leaving the barn and running into the surrounding trees. Blasts of her powers frequently hit him but nothing he couldn't bear until after about three hundred feet into the trees when she cried out, then a blast hit him hard enough to fling him one way, throwing her the other. Wanda lay crumpled on the ground. He watched in shock and fear as she flung backwards, arching her back. A wave of constant red energy burst out of her. She screamed when it happened and it stunned Bucky when he felt emotions and thoughts that weren't his own fill his mind.
It took him a few minutes to realize she unintentionally made him think these things. He tried to block them out enough to decide what to do. Thankfully, he was used to strange memories popping up or else he thought he would be much worse off. He had to get to Wanda, so he pushed through it. Remaining low, he stumbled towards her. The energy shot straight into the sky, a huge red cloud radiating quickly in every direction. Bucky knew others might see it, not just the team, but anyone who looked up for miles around. He put the fingers of his left hand over her to see if the vibranium could withstand it. It hurt him like fire burned all the way up the metal to his shoulder and shot through his shoulders and neck, but he saw no other choice to protect the others and hopefully help Wanda. Throwing his arm across her chest, he gently wrapped his right arm under her back.
There was no way he could pull her into his arms unless he wanted all of his organs to blow out of his back so he just covered as much of the pulsing red wave as he could with his arm and lifted her up enough to angle the blast, keeping it out of the sky as much as possible. The trees that were hit by the blast withered and transformed. Some of them grew. They were shifting constantly and sometimes they stopped being trees at all. Bucky couldn't help but be dumbfounded by it. It limited the light in the sky, but this didn't seem like it would abate soon, so he just held onto her, trying to block all the emotions and thoughts, even voices, still flooding his brain. Bucky didn't know if this is how Wanda usually felt with her telepathy, but he didn't know how much longer he could handle it without losing his mind.
After a few minutes, Wanda stopped crying out. T the impact on his arm lessened. The voices in his head barely whispered, sometimes sounding more like they were whispers from within the trees, giving him an eerie feeling. His mind felt less invaded and cluttered. The trees finally stopped shifting forms. Some had survived the assault, others didn't or were in a unique form than they started. He took the risk and pulled her into his embrace. The feeling reminded him of attempting to walk into tornado strength winds or a G-force dive.
Wanda lost conscienceless when it finally ended. Her body just went limp in his arms as soon as the energy explosion stopped. She was so still, he quickly checked her pulse. She had a rapid pulse and a fever raged in her, so her skin was extremely hot to the touch. Realizing she wore only a t-shirt and shorts, he gathered her against his body, hoping his body heat would be enough until he was sure the risk was over and brought her back to the house.
He called her name a few times but got no response, making him really wish he had gotten one of the others. Wanda opened her eyes a bit and whispered, "Bucky?" She sounded surprised when she realized it was him. "Is Pietro here too?"
"You didn't have to go to such extremes to get into my arms, Red," he tried to tease, but realized how scared he was for her. Then he realized she mentioned her brother. "I'm sorry, Pietro isn't here, Wanda. Has this happened before? Tell me how to help. You're so feverish." He maneuvered her so he could remove his jacket and put it around her. She curled more into his arms, seeming so small and fragile now. "Do you want me to get Steve or someone else?"
"No. Please don't. I don't want them to see," she whispered into his chest. He could tell she was crying and held her tighter, stroking her hair. Eventually, he decided the threat was over and, letting go of her momentarily, he stood up. He started to lift her and she said, "I think I can walk."
"After going to such extremes to get into my arms, maybe you should just let me carry you," he said with a grin, settling her in his arms. She whispered a thank you before closing her eyes and resting her head against him. When he got back to the house and hesitated, stirring her.
"Please, can I stay with you tonight? I can't face them."
Bucky nodded, then walked to the barn, placing her gently on the blanket. She looked so delicate now, her eyes haunted and so pale in the dim light of the barn. He felt her face, noting that the fever seemed to be cooling already. Maybe it wasn't a fever, maybe it was just that special energy inside her. He covered her up with another blanket. "I need to go talk to Steve and let him know…"
"I don't want Steve to know. He'll just blame this on what I did for him. I just can't deal with reassuring him," she interrupted and tried to sit up.
The last thing he wanted to do was upset her, but he felt better seeing more life in her. He held her shoulders and nodded to her. "Alright, I won't tell Steve, but Red, you lit up the sky with that display of power. I just want someone to know to monitor things closely until we're sure no one saw anything." She apologized to him and he shook his head. "I'm not upset with you, sweetheart, and I'm sure no one will blame you. I just want to make sure everyone is safe." He realized she clutched his arm desperately.
"Thank you, Bucky." Her voice shook. He sensed she wasn't vulnerable with many people. It must scare her. She met his gaze. "If you have to tell someone, tell Natasha, please." Rubbing his thumb across her jaw, he resisted the urge to kiss her. That was the last thing she needed to worry about. He attempted to pull away and run inside, but she clutched his arm, keeping him close to her, her eyes filling with panic. "Don't go yet. Please." Bucky nodded and sat down, wrapping his arm around her and letting her rest against him. Wanda moved her hand from his arm and wrapped it around his waist.
Bucky felt his chest tighten, real stabbing pain in his heart, holding her like this. It was selfish, but it had been so long since he'd felt such intimacy. It wasn't like anyone wanted to be comforted by the Winter Soldier. In fact, he couldn't remember the last woman who wanted tenderness from him or given it to him. Bucky hadn't realized how much he missed it and needed it. He'd been beat, kicked, stabbed, and other violence or torture inflicted on his body for seventy years with no tenderness to sooth it. The impact of this simple embrace shocked him to his core, but he didn't want it to end.
His only sex partners, two Romanian prostitutes and his brief affair with one of the Dora Milaje weren't tender. The one not being paid to be in his bed, Ayo, aggressively and shamelessly seduced him. He can't even imagine her appearing the least bit vulnerable. In fact, her motions were often rough with him and she expected the same from him, something Bucky wasn't comfortable with. She enjoyed her time with him, satisfying their physical needs. Then she immediately left. She taught him a few things, understanding his ignorance because of his past seventy years being with HYDRA, so she was generous enough to provide a few lessons. But she didn't even stay the night. As soon as he got the vibranium arm, she wanted him to choke her during sex. But Bucky wasn't ready for that type of sex, but she was understanding. He really didn't know if he'd ever be ready for that type of sex. He had enough violence in his life and didn't want to continue it in his sex life.
Tonight made him feel closer to Wanda than anyone except Steve. He barely knew her, but she had somehow gotten under his skin in less than a day. But it had been an extremely intense day, finding out about their shared past and then this episode. He stroked her hair and held her awhile longer.
As if she read his mind, which was possible but seemed unlikely right now, she sat up slowly, studying him, and asked, "Why do I feel this way with you? I don't even know you that well, but I feel safer with you than anyone." Swallowing deeply, his gaze scanned her face. He didn't know how to answer, he didn't understand it himself. Her brows knitted together, and she seemed uneasy. "Is it just me?"
"No, it's not just you," he answered quickly. They sat there looking at each other. her fingers dancing along his hand. Eventually, reality kicked in again. "I really need to go tell someone about monitoring the chatter tonight. If I wait, they might miss something. Are you sure you don't want me to take you in the house? Do you need anything?"
"I'm sure. I'd rather stay out here with you, if you don't mind. I mean…I'm afraid it might happen again." When he nodded, she asked, "Can you get me a soda or something? Something with sugar in it?"
As he stood up, Bucky chuckled. "If you felt better, I might have something to say about sugar. But I'll let it slide tonight."
x0x0x
Wanda woke up to Natasha gently shaking her arm. She didn't even remember falling asleep. "Hi," she said, and her friend checked her for a fever.
"I don't think you're feverish anymore. Bucky said it cooled off fairly quickly and he thought it might be your psionic energy. Do you remember what happened?" Nat asked, her voice gentle and nurturing as she frequently was, but only with those closest to her.
"He called it psionic energy?" Wanda couldn't help her smile.
Natasha laughed and shook her head. "No, he referred to it as 'red glowing energy'. I didn't take the time to correct him."
"Where is he? Did he wake up Steve?" Wanda sat up quickly, but Nat stopped her from standing up.
"No, and he wouldn't allow me to get Steve, either. Said you were clear about it. Bucky's outside with Clint showing him where this happened. But I think not telling Steve is a dangerous plan. If this happens again, say if we're on the jet, it sounds like you'd rip it apart. You still haven't explained what happened," Nat stressed to her, sitting back on her heels. "I hate to threaten to tattle to 'Dad' but if you don't answer my question, I'm going to go wake up Steve."
Wanda rolled her eyes. "You wouldn't dare. I know you wouldn't. I've felt like my powers were off all day and it kept getting worse, so at least had warning. I'm pretty sure it was that collar they had on me, that suppressed my powers. I guess the energy built up and eventually I couldn't control them. Thankfully, Bucky was with me and figured out what to do. Except for that light show in the sky. But it beats bringing the barn or the house down on top of us."
Nat nodded, looking relieved. She heard Bucky outside the door and told Wanda to get some rest. Taking a step away from her, she stopped and turned back, whispering loudly, "And tomorrow you can explain to Clint why you're with Bucky alone in what is basically his bed when he heard you go to your own bed earlier. He told me to warn you." Natasha chuckled and kissed Wanda on top of her head, then left, passing Bucky in the doorway and asking him to come get her if Wanda needed something. Wanda couldn't help but smile at her teasing about Steve and Clint. She would have to tell Steve something tomorrow. It wouldn't do for her to keep more secrets from him.
"Are you hungry?" Bucky asked, holding out the can of soda to her as he sat down.
She shook her head before drinking the soda quickly. Lying back, she watched him snacking on fruit, cheese, chips, and Little Debbie cakes. After the second cake, she giggled. "You better watch it. You'll get fat. Wait, can you even get fat?"
"There is only one way to find out," Bucky replied, chuckling under his breath. "I've only been eating food that I choose for a few years, so I tend to just eat whatever I feel like. HYDRA didn't have the best food. Well, not that I recall."
She watched him for a minute before saying, "I know I said it inside earlier, but I'm really sorry I hurt you. I was just a stupid kid and did not know what to do once we were already in HYDRA and over our heads. I did what I had to survive. Pietro told me one day I could undo the damage I'd done. But there were some things I knew I couldn't fix," she dragged her hands through her hair.
"I killed people. I can never undo that. I know you didn't mean to hurt me or anyone else. Like you said, HYDRA didn't give us a choice." After a minute or two, he asked, "Do you still have nightmares from being in HYDRA, of what they did to you?"
"Not as much. Some of their experiments with the mind stone, including tonight. I felt the mind stone burning in my mind, but I was awake then. Now I have nightmares of other things," she answered. Bucky began taking off his boots and tossing them to the side. She couldn't help but watch him. "You will not be comfortable sleeping fully dressed. Maybe I should go inside so you can feel comfortable."
"If you promise me you won't attack me, I'll take off my shirt." He looked at her deadly seriously. "But, if it's too much for you, I can leave it on."
She grinned slightly. "I think I can control myself and if not, you have that snazzy arm to hold me off. Or just scream, Steve will come rescue you."
Bucky gasped, leaving his mouth open as he looked at her. Wanda laughed out loud at his teasing. He was so fun at times, compared to sitting alone in the corner earlier. He probably had a sugar high. She watched him remove his shirt and appreciated his body, feeling the heat rise to her face. He must have caught her staring, because he moved closer and kissed her deeply, a lot more passionately than earlier. I have been kissed more today than ever in my life.
Bucky stayed close to her, even after releasing her lips. "I'm sorry. I know you've been through a lot tonight and I had already convinced myself not to kiss you again. But you just make me feel… something that I haven't felt in so long. And it's nice."
"I heard somewhere that no one ever died from a kiss." She glanced around before saying, "I feel like I'm stealing your bed. There isn't really another good place to sleep. Unless you want to sleep here. I mean, we're both dressed. No, that's too weird, I guess. Oh lord, just let me go in the house." She tried to stand, only to have Bucky capture her around her waist.
"It's not weird for me, if you're okay with it. As you said, we're dressed." His gaze dropped to where the blanket had slipped off her legs. He reached down for her leg but caught himself and instead pulled the blanket back over her. Wanda was well aware of how dangerously stupid this was, but she just didn't care.
"I feel safer with you," she murmured, simply staring at him.
He lay beside her and they both were silent. It wasn't exactly awkward, but… it was a little tense. Eventually, Bucky asked how she felt and if her powers were still off.
"I just feel drained. I think my power is back to normal," she answered. Testing it, she moved a few things around the barn. Bucky watched with fascination. "Good as new."
"Earlier, when you were with Steve… never mind. It's none of my business," Bucky said, then looked away.
"Do you mean when I was with Steve in here? If so, it's your business because they were your memories."
Shaking his head, he studied her hand and played with her fingers while deciding what to say. "I meant when you ran out of his room, when you two kissed."
"Oh. That." Wanda chewed her lip for a minute before Bucky stopped studying her hand and instead watched her expression. "I don't know what happened. I was comforting him about Peggy and the fight with Tony and it just happened."
He nodded, thinking for a few minutes before saying, "What happened isn't any of my business, I know that. But Steve is my best friend and I don't want to… overstep. I need you to tell me. Are you two…?"
"No," she replied quickly. She put her face in her hands for a few moments before adding. "I love Steve. He's one of my closest friends and more than that he is one of the few who has had my back since I met him. He's a good-looking guy… I was trying to make him feel better…"
"Well, that would do it," Bucky said with a little bitterness in his tone that he didn't intend.
Wanda moved so she was sitting on her knees facing him. He watched her as she leaned forward and kissed him gently. She steadied herself by resting her hands on his shoulders. She kissed him again, longer, bolder and deeper. She bit his lip then sucked into her mouth. His hands rose to her neck, his thumbs, one flesh, one metal, ran along her jaw then he buried his fingers in her hair. His tongue slid along hers and she alternated between stroking and sucking his tongue. This was all so new to her, she just whatever happen, happen. She felt safe with him, so she allowed a minor glimpse of her self-doubt. As soon as she did, Bucky brought his hands to cup her jaw, looking deep into her eyes for a long moment before he kissed her again, a sweet kiss, one that made her feel he understood. When he released her lips, she was almost breathless when she whispered, "I don't want Steve."
"And what do you want, Wanda?" he answered back, very seriously.
Wanda panicked but finally said, "I want to find something real and one of a kind, to find someone who… isn't afraid of me or think I'm a monster. Someone accept… no, want me as I am."
He answered her with a hungry kiss. Then said, "You're anything but a monster. You're beautiful, sweet and funny and your powers are amazing to me."
Part of her was saying this is crazy, completely bonkers, what was she doing? But the other part of her wanted to rip the rest of his clothes off. My God, it was like she was in heat tonight.
Bucky gazed deep into her eyes again and smiled slightly before he kissed her again. She knew she gave him a sort of power over her while all her vulnerabilities and self-doubt were on display, literally giving him the power to hurt her so badly. But in her heart, she knew he wouldn't. Wanda finally just gave up trying to make sense of it and enjoyed his kiss. Eventually, he told her she needed to get some sleep, and she lay back down, only to have Bucky pull her much closer than before, claiming it was because of the cold.
They fell silent again, and it lasted longer this time, but she knew he was awake. She kept hearing him begin to speak, but he stopped each time. Lying on her side with her arm bent under her head, she asked, "What is it? You can ask me whatever."
Bucky stared at the ceiling for a long time. Wanda just let him say it in his own time. He didn't look at her when he asked, "You said you saw my past when you were reading my mind in Siberia. Do you remember anything about my family?"
Wanda thought about it for a few minutes. His earliest memories more damaged than the others but of no importance to HYDRA, so she hadn't seen most of those memories. "Yes. I remember your parents and a younger sister, named-Mary, I think?"
He swallowed hard, as if hearing that she saw them proved they had once existed. She didn't know what he remembered from his youngest years. "Will I remember them after you remove the programing?"
"I don't know. It's possible you remember everything or not very much."
Bucky looked away but she didn't need to see his face to know that her answer disappointed him. "I barely remember my mother. It's more of a sense of her than actual memories. I remember her perfume, how tight she hugged us and how she always said 'I love you more' if I told her I loved her."
Wanda's heart hurt feeling his intense pain and wishing she could take it all away. She could destroy all of his terrible memories, but he would still have scars that would never heal. But she couldn't sit around doing nothing for him. She could at least see if the memories were intact. When she sat up, Bucky looked at her and she asked him, "Do you trust me?"
Bucky didn't hesitate before nodding. She raised her hand and the red glow emanated from her hand. She wanted to use a very light touch in case her powers were still off. It's always hard to know where to find the deepest memories that weren't traumatic ones. Bucky's mind was a mess compared to others. The memory wipes never removed complete memories. It left traces scattered about his mind. If she tried to restore more of his memories, she'd have to be careful to connect the memories in the proper way. He closed his eyes while she worked.
Running her fingers down his face with a slight bit of magic, she tried to get him to trigger where the memories were. Memories often light up in different colors, or at least they did for Wanda. It made it easier to find the different things the mind held, such as dreams and memories. "Bucky, try to think of your family. Hold whatever memories you have in your mind right now."
Wanda didn't want to risk flooding him with too many memories now until she got the programming out. She began to get discouraged that all his memories were too damaged right now. But she waited and saw a very bright blue colored pulsing light. There she found a completely undamaged area to unearth a memory.
He was a beautiful dark-haired boy about seven or eight with bright blue eyes and dimples, and he ran after a small white dog who had something he'd stolen from the kitchen in his mouth. Behind him was a younger girl with white blond hair, screaming 'Bucky!' at the top of her lungs. Every once in a while. she'd stop and stamp her feet because Bucky was ignoring her. Wanda couldn't help but smile. The dog was eventually picked up by Bucky's father. Once he had the dog, he removed the kitchen towel from his mouth with a chuckle, then handed the dog to Bucky. He ruffled his hair, calling him 'Sport'. The girl squealed happily as her father pretended to chase her. Over the noisy children, a woman called them in for supper from her spot in the doorway.
His mother, Maria, was beautiful with long, thick, dark curly hair, the kind that most women today would kill for. She was about average height and weight and had really blue eyes like Bucky's. Her skin was flawless though, and she appeared too young to have a child Bucky's age. And she seemed like a person who was always cheerful. Even when she wasn't smiling, her eyes were lit up with happiness. When Bucky was standing near her, she absentmindedly carded her fingers through his hair. At one point, he shook his head like he just noticed it, but he stayed close to her. Wanda suspected he was closer to his mother than to his father.
Bucky talked non-stop to his father about the baseball game he played with his friends. Like a lot of New Yorkers, he talked with his hands a lot. His father, James, just like his son, asked about Steve and made sure that Bucky included him, no matter what the others said about the smaller boy. Bucky glanced at his father like he didn't need to ask that to know. "I always make them be nice to Steve or I won't play and, since I am the only one that can actually pitch, they listen to me. Besides, I'm bigger than most of them. At least Steve can catch the ball! Billy and Frank never catch it."
His mother sent the kids to wash their hands. His father kissed his wife, his hand lingering on her waist, before the kids came running down the hall to the dining room. The dinner was chaotic with both kids talking excitedly, each trying to out talk the other. A kind looking, plump, older woman was there that Wanda assumed was his grandmother. In a thick foreign accent that Wanda didn't recognize, she reprimanded Bucky about talking with his mouth full, but she hid a grin while she said it. She appeared to live with them. In the background was the quiet big band music with some static coming from a radio as well as kids yelling outside their open window. Wanda noticed the smells of freshly baked bread and some intense spices. The sense of family and love made tears burn eyes. She knew Bucky would love this so much. Even when Wanda stopped, she could still smell the bread and spices and hear the sounds of his home.
It was a sweet memory of no real significance; she supposed. But it reminded her of dinners with her parents and Pietro. Those everyday memories were the ones that meant the most when a person lost someone. Wanda let the memory come slowly to him, hoping he'd savor the beautiful simplicity without being overwhelmed. She lowered her hand and watched Bucky, his breathing heavy, sit up. He glanced at her for a moment, then just closed his eyes again.
Not wanting to intrude on this moment with the memories of his family he clearly loved or make him feel obligated to talk about it, she laid down, looking away. Bucky's breathing eventually settled and became more even. He was quiet for longer, but she understood. It was overwhelming to remember something you thought lost forever.
Straightening the blanket to cover both of them, he laid down beside her. She glanced over and saw him studying the ceiling. She realized he couldn't speak yet. Maybe never about this subject. She understood. People have been taking his memories for seventy years. Even though she gave him this one back, he likely still felt protective of it. Or he thought if he said it out loud, it would lose its power.
Eventually, her exhaustion forced her to rest, and she closed her eyes. As she drifted off to sleep, Bucky intertwined his fingers with hers and kissed the back of her hand, then resting their hands on his chest.