I am SO sorry about the long time since the last chapter. I honestly had to re-write this chapter a few times because I kept writing myself into a corner. Nothing worked for me. And I also had a long recovery time on some eye procedures.
I hope this is okay. Tenth time is the charm right? lol (not literally ten times lol)
Chapter 11
Wanda checked all their preparations twice. Terror filled her with the thought that she'd mess up somehow and lose Bucky. Sam and Natasha were outside on the second line while she and Steve were inside with Bucky. It seemed silly to have the other two out there though because if he escaped the metal clamp on his vibranium arm and she and Steve couldn't hold him, Natasha and Sam would end up being collateral damage. She suspected that one of them would end up shooting him if both Steve and Wanda could not stop him or if he killed them, since the alternative was letting him go to hurt some innocent person.
"Are you ready?" She jumped when Steve asked her, with a look of obvious concern.
Wanda nodded, but then she went to Bucky, giving him a long, loving kiss, hoping he wouldn't feel how cold her hands were or how shaky she was. "I'm hoping this won't hurt…"
"I'll be fine. I know you wouldn't hurt me on purpose. Well, other than magically tying me up in the yard. But you told me you could do it and I trust you. I also love you," he murmured before kissing her. "Now get rid of this SOB, so I can finally really be alone with you."
Wanda chuckled, stroking his hair. "In case I accidentally melt your brain, I love you, too. More than I can say."
Staying a safer distance from him this time, she began where she left off last night in the dark section of his mind. She was very careful, so she didn't trigger the Winter Soldier. Quickly, she realized the problem with the memories stored there and the area they linked it to with more programming. She felt nauseous and started breathing heavily when she quit probing him. She felt so defeated and her heart hurt for Bucky. Tears sprung to her eyes, so she glanced away before Bucky saw them. Bucky and Steve asked her what was wrong.
"I just need a minute and some fresh air," she said, rushing to the doors. She started breathing in huge gulps of air, on the verge of hyperventilating, when the night air hit her. Further outside, she started pacing back and forth to think of a way around this newest complication. She tried to resist, feeling totally defeated. How could fate deal Bucky such a bad hand over and over?
"Are you okay?" Natasha asked, and she grasped her shoulder to stop her from pacing. Wanda shook her head and she couldn't speak for a few moments. Sam walked up beside them, looking concerned.
She grabbed Natasha's hands, needing to feel human contact that wasn't wrapped in trauma. Her brain hurt from what she'd seen. "I can't tell him…"
Before she could answer, Steve came out of the barn. She waved him away. "I'll be just a few minutes. Keep Bucky company so he doesn't go stir-crazy." After a pause and a look of doubt, he went back into the barn.
Wanda took a deep shaky breath and Sam asked, "You can't tell him what, Wanda?"
Shaking her head about the whole situation, she sighed, "I found all of the programming. I could clear both areas right now if I wanted to."
"Wanda, that's great. Why wouldn't you want to remove it?" Natasha asked, looking at her curiously. "Wasn't that the point of all of this?"
Tears burned her eyes again, and she gave a bitter chuckle. "I always intended to help him get back some of his younger memories before the war. I've done some repairs here and there. But if I remove the programming, he will lose a big chuck of his younger memories, completely unretrievable. In exchange, he'll regain a lot too: the memories from his falling off the train, the medical experiments they did when they found him, including some really painful surgery to remove his damaged arm, without anesthetic I might add. Oh, and a lot of the torture he suffered before and after the brain washing. All of it is worse than anything he remembers."
After what she was saying sank in, Sam and Natasha glanced at each other for a long time before Natasha finally faced her again. "I'm assuming there is no other way."
"I'm afraid if I try any other way to remove it, I'll hurt him, long-term. But if I do it, he's going to go through hell. Again. And who knows what long term damage that will have on his mind? What do I do?"
"You have to tell him," Natasha said. "Its only fair that he makes the decision. It's his mind, his memories."
"I can sort of save the good memories. Just show them to someone else, then afterwards, show them back to him. But the bad memories…"
"She's right. You have to tell him. If you want, I'm sure Steve would explain to him. I'll gladly take the good memories for you, if you need me to. Although he might feel it's a personal invasion, if it's anyone but Steve," Sam added.
"He doesn't even know these memories exist. They have been gone since the first time they wiped his memories. Once the memories are shared back with him, I can remove them from whoever's mind if he wants, but I get nervous removing things from people's mind. It's always riskier than just reading it," Wanda said, putting her head in her hands. "I have to go back in there. He's probably wondering what the fuck I'm doing. I may put up a barrier on the terrible memories. It's a bit risky but I'm going to try it. I'll just keep that part quiet in case it doesn't work. I don't want to get his hopes up."
Natasha and Sam both hugged her tightly and Wanda felt a little reassured. Surely the barrier would work. And if it doesn't, he won't be hurt by it. When she returned to him and Steve, she told him the problem. Steve looked devastated, but Bucky seemed determined to end this even if it hurt him more.
"You just said there is no other way. If I don't have those good memories now, I won't miss them. And the rest, I survived living it, I can survive remembering them. It's much better than creating new horrible memories as the Winter Soldier again. Just do it," Bucky said shortly.
"Do you want her to share the wonderful memories with me? Let her save them, Buck. All she'd have to share them with me," Steve asked.
Bucky was quiet for a long time before he nodded. Wanda could tell how much he was hurting by all of this. She reached over and ran her fingers down his face. Telling Steve to lie down on some bales of hay, she gave Bucky one more kiss.
It didn't take too long to give Steve the memories because she didn't worry about him being overwhelmed emotionally by them. But she attempted to put barriers around them so perhaps they wouldn't invade every other memory he had of his own life. And she wanted to see if the barrier would be possible, even though Bucky's would be more complex. When she finished, she sat beside Steve and asked him a few things to make sure that he still had his own memories.
"It feels strange, but it's not hurting me or anything. Seeing his memories differs from remembering mine. It's like I remember it, but somehow, it's not like I experienced it. It's hazy if that makes sense," he explained. He lowered his voice and took her wrist, saying, "I'm glad you suggested he save these memories. Now that I know what they are, I see how important it was for him to have them." His eyes were misty, and she stroked his cheek with a small smile.
Rising, she turned back to Bucky and studied him for a few minutes. "Let me warn both of you. As I remove the programming, the Winter Soldier might come out momentarily. I just don't know. But I will continue to work through it. Bucky, if you feel any pain at all, you have to tell me. It could be something Hydra put in to kill you rather than letting the enemy have you."
"I'll tell you." He promised, then he gave her an anxious smile.
Wanda nervously raised her hands to begin. It was easier to eliminate the programming where the good memories were stored. Soon into it, Bucky's expression changed enough that she caught it. She didn't stop what she was doing, but she warned Steve, "That's not Bucky."
Bucky started attempting to get free and Steve watched him as he walked closer. Seeing Steve made the Winter Soldier that much more agitated and he bent the metal band holding his vibranium arm a little, so Wanda shot some energy that pinned him against the back of the chair and she wrapped it around the rungs of the chair so he'd have to fight her magic to get to the metal at all. He was panicking and said, "Don't."
Wanda sped it up a little. She didn't need him panicking and flooding his body with adrenaline.
"Stop!" Scared now, he almost made Wanda feel sympathy. Almost.
Realizing how close she was to probably sending the Winter Soldier away, she said, "Time for you to go, asshole. This is for trying to kill me." She wrapped the magic band around this throat and tightened. She couldn't tighten it enough to hurt him without hurting Bucky, but she wanted him to be afraid of her rather than trying to escape.
She sensed something strange in the energy between the two of them, a powerful pull, but she ignored it as well as him calling out to her, returning her focus to his mind. She didn't tell Steve that she intended to build the barrier in his mind and that it was dangerous for her. The one she just done to Steve was simple and completely safe. Not wanting arguments, she didn't tell him or Bucky.
When she went through his memories normally, she could see the memories without feeling his feelings, like they were just photos. Even that eventually caught up to her emotionally despite her attempts to shield herself, simply because she loved him. If she were to put up barriers, she'd have to go through the memories and feel their full emotional impact they had on Bucky. And some of these were memories she hadn't found until now. She tried to do it quickly, but she couldn't risk hurting Bucky, which limited her speed.
It was almost unbearable for her. His fear and pain invaded every molecule of her mind. Tears were flowing down her face and she continually had to pause where she was, never visibly stopping so Steve wouldn't notice. She needed him to remain ignorant of what she was doing or he might stop her. But mainly, she had to remain focused enough to erect the barriers.
The earliest days with Dr. Zola after his accident were the worst, the brutal physical pain he experienced, plus Bucky's having to accept that he had lost a limb and that no one would rescue him were emotionally devastating. They were hurting Bucky, not some hybrid form of him and what would be the Winter Soldier, and in the beginning, he was naïve about the extent of what they could do.
There was so much torture they put him through to break him. Mostly unnecessary. Even when he was the Winter Soldier, they used him to train other Soldiers with the goal was to conquer him. She felt that sympathy she once did for the Soldier and she hated that. As terrible and violent as he was now, he didn't start out that way. When the brainwashing had taken over Bucky and the Winter Soldier followed orders without question, he seemed like a silent shadow of Bucky. He operated at two hundred percent physically, but his mind wasn't even present, like they drugged him. All of Bucky's personality and emotions didn't carry over to the Winter Soldier. But they still continued to put him through torture. Some of his handlers treated him like a weapon and used physical abuse and torment on him, but others treated him like a pet or something beneath them and they caused more humiliation and degradation than control. One of his handlers had some sort of domination fetish and attempted to violate him, had been overly personal, which pushed the Soldier too far, until it shocked Bucky into surfacing and shooting the man in the head, without even understanding why he did it. The Winter Soldier was more fragile in emotional ways because he had no emotional maturity. Wanda didn't think his handlers even understood this.
Since HYDRA didn't know Bucky had resurfaced, the abuse the Winter Soldier suffered after killing his handler was as brutal as the first year. And it went on, day and night. He was beyond broken then. It made her physically sick and her heart hurt, too. That's when slips of Bucky started coming back almost every time, he was out of cryo, even during missions. They shattered the shell of the Winter Soldier so completely, leaving opportunities for Bucky to slip in through the cracks. Unfortunately, everything was too disjointed for him to do anything about it long enough to escape.
The relationship between the Winter Soldier and Bucky became so strange then. It was like when people had multiple personality disorders and one personality came out to protect the other during a type of abuse or when they couldn't deal with something. But if the Winter Soldier was emotionally distraught enough, it weakened him and Bucky's attempts to break through the mind control worked. Sometimes apparently Bucky didn't even remember now when he had regained some control while on a mission and attempted to escape from Hydra's oversight.
There were even sometimes when the Winter Soldier saw or heard something that he recognized as something good and pleasurable in Bucky's memories and it drew him to it. Music frequently affected him. He'd hear music and look for the source. If he found it amongst other people, he drew closer, but out of sight. Women of all ages made him curious. If they were very young, they reminded the Soldier of the little sisters from the memories that were not his, but the only memories he had. Middle-aged and older women made him crave something he didn't understand, but had been a sense of great comfort to Bucky. The Winter Soldier didn't fully understand mothers, grandmothers, or sisters. He just knew they had made Bucky happy. Much like babies reach for things, without knowing what they want. They just want something to provide them comfort or protection. Of course, women in their twenties and thirties made him curious about other things. But once again, Wanda wasn't sure if Bucky's feelings were mixed in because the soldier didn't think about them as sexual and loving beings but knew they provided some sense of pleasure and comfort that he knew he wanted, and perhaps needed.
One night, the Winter Soldier had been close to a baseball stadium, and the sounds and smells triggered Bucky's memories of going to the games as a kid with his dad and Steve in Brooklyn. Unable to resist the draw to it, he found his way into the stadium while still avoiding people. Watching the game, he felt terrible loneliness and though she wasn't sure, Wanda thought Bucky surfaced, but the Winter Soldier remained in some sort of hybrid situation. At times like this, she could feel Bucky's strong empathy toward the soldier. Eventually, more abuse made him crueler and more mercenary, so his actions completely squashed Bucky's empathy.
All this changed when they brought Wanda to Siberia. As she suspected, the Winter Soldier wanted her for different reasons than desire. She had given him the only gentle touch he had ever felt firsthand instead of through Bucky's memories. There wasn't much touching. Most people would receive more contact daily. But her touch was soft, a brush of her hair against his skin or when she slipped her hand into his if he tensed up. Even her voice and smell had a powerful effect on him because it was so unlike everything around him. Her bright green eyes and colorful clothes, standing out in a world of black and grays. Often when his eyes were closed, she would hum or sing to herself, reminding him of the music that drew him to it. Her ways of altering his mind were gentle enough that he often enjoyed it, merely because of the lack of pain. So, in his simplistic emotional reasoning, Wanda represented something good, perhaps the best thing he knew, a soothing balm for him. And he liked it. He grew to want her very much. If they had asked him if he thought she was pretty or desired her, he probably wouldn't have known because he didn't think of her in that complex a way.
The soldier feared Bucky would return and take away her specialness because she was something that belonged to the soldier, not something he had to share with Bucky. He now understood why Bucky had attempted to free himself so he could go back to a world where he could touch and be touched. And that made the Winter Soldier much more vulnerable that his handlers ever realized. Which made him volatile as well.
When she left, his actions grew unnecessarily cruel, because he had felt something soothing and someone had yanked away it from him. He tried to escape, to find Wanda or someone like her. There were times he had gotten pretty far off-course but HYDRA always found him. The abuse would begin again, making him want something good, so much more.
His deep resentment of Bucky's influence on him is what reacted so violently to Steve. The savagery that he attacked him, Nat, and Sam on the bridge and street after seeing him and holding the shield on the rooftop was something that Alexander Pierce didn't realize when he sent him after Steve, because he never understood the relationship between the Winter Soldier and Bucky. He didn't get how powerful Bucky became the further Pierce and HYDRA pushed the Winter Soldier in cruel ways. And Steve, like Wanda, started unraveling his plans because they caused more conflict between the Winter Soldier and Bucky.
No one really knew, including Bucky, how much work his mind did behind this veil of control. It took him a long time, many decades, plus it took Wanda's manipulation of his mind to put together some pieces. But seeing Steve, a representation of his past, of their friendship, of his bonds in his real life, didn't pull Bucky away from the Winter Soldier. It made the Winter Soldier afraid of Steve and what he represented, a savior for Bucky, that caused a failure of everything the soldier held on to. He knew that he couldn't survive without Bucky but the opposite wasn't true. And like every time before when he was weak, Bucky surfaced, but this time, seeing his friend and knowing he wasn't alone anymore kept him strong enough to force away the Winter Soldier to remain himself. When Zemo brought out the Winter Soldier and when Wanda did it by mistake, his attacks were more personal because, unlike any kill before, he was angry at Wanda and Steve, but mostly at Bucky. For leaving him, for taking away his life. So when Wanda spoke Bucky's name, his reaction was one of anger and revenge because he knew Bucky had taken away the one comfort he'd ever had. In fact, he had taken everything from him.
The Winter Soldier's screams and threats in current times had reached their peak and Wanda felt that strange pull linking them through her energy again. Her power always linked them if she scanned his mind, but this had a real pull to it. It almost was like the Winter Soldier held on to her, pulling her into Bucky's mind, so she couldn't banish him. She forced away the beginning of her panic because she realized she was probably imagining things after last night. This was too delicate to be careless. The soldier's fear filled her head until eventually it disappeared. She realized Bucky passed out then.
Back in his memories, things continued down this dark path. When his handlers woke him from cryo and if he was one hundred percent Bucky, they used any torture they felt like doing. They continued to lie to him about what the year it was so they could manipulate him using his love for his family and friends, in addition to his desire to still serve the country he had fought to protect. They had even kept his family under surveillance so they could show him pictures of his family if they needed to manipulate him a little extra. And, of course, they used Steve's life and suspected death to hurt him.
It all broke her heart. Bucky fought so hard, so fucking hard, to resist all their manipulations. But once they wiped his memories, he didn't have a reason to fight them until the memories started returning. She also realized that after Bucky had resurfaced enough times, where he faked his mental state. But as soon as he resisted an order to hurt someone, they wiped him again. And he had to start all over again. His mind was powerful enough to fight back, at least.
Bucky woke up slowly and Steve checked on him. The barriers were harder to erect than she'd realized and she started worrying that she couldn't do it. Just like when she lost control of her power in Germany, she started seeing and feeling the Mind Stone burning in her mind. Now she suspected it was a warning to her that her powers were being used at a different level and it was dangerous. She managed to push through it without losing control and hurting Bucky though. When she finished the barriers, she removed the programing as quickly as she was able.
Wanda felt the powerful pull even harder than before. And now she felt an agonizing pain in her head and saw the mind stone blazing again. It slowed her down, but Wanda wouldn't stop unless she unable to continue.
Despite how strong Bucky was now, Wanda didn't know if he could survive feeling these memories again. He said he could and that he'd lived it before but the experience also broke him the first time. She wasn't willing to take the chance. He needed her to protect him.
The pain in her head came back stronger, and she cried out, falling to her knees and lowering her hands, unable to continue. Bucky and Steve were both asking her what was wrong and Steve rushed over, putting his arm around her and lifting her to her feet.
"Wanda? What's happening?" Steve demanded, trying to make her look at him. She could hear him, but his muffled voice seemed far away.
"I'm just…" she couldn't even finish the sentence because there was no way he'd believe that she felt normal. "Steve, please. I'll be fine when it's over, but you have to let me finish. I had almost completely removed the programming. A couple more minutes, I promise."
"No! Stop her, Steve," Bucky's agitation and concern turned to anger quickly as he pulled at his restraints.
When she lifted her arms again, Steve quickly pushed them down, still attempting to make her face him. "He's right, Wanda…"
After taking a few deep breaths, Wanda nodded and when he relaxed his hold on her, she silenced Steve by shoving him away from her and pinning him magically to the wall. "I'm sorry, but I have to finish. I didn't work this hard and promise Bucky to fix this only to stop a few minutes from completion," Wanda told him. When Bucky started trying to argue with her, she ignored him. The pain made it so difficult, but she returned to what she was doing, despite Bucky and Steve's yelling and arguing with her.
Hope filled her as she could see the beginning of the end. The pain grew so intense though, she started weeping, but she pushed through. When she finished, she must have lost a lot of power because Steve freed himself and ran over to her. Her brain felt like it was on fire and she started feeling memories of Bucky's horrible torture throughout her body, first hand. Everywhere Steve touched her was agony and she couldn't stop her power at all. She remained connected to Bucky's mind and Steve's body when the next searing pain came. Her power defended her as she could not, exploding outward and throwing both of them away from her before she collapsed.
x0x0x
Steve flew through the front wall of the stable, almost hitting Sam and Natasha, who had come running at Wanda's scream. When Sam dropped beside him, Steve moaned and said, "I'm fine. Make sure Bucky and Wanda are alright." He knew he needed a minute or two before he got up. This wasn't Wanda's normal power. It was pain-filled, and he had seen the mind stone and flashes of both hers and Bucky's pasts. Not together, but many years, possibly decades ago, for Bucky. These weren't Bucky's memories that she had shared with him earlier. These were in Siberia and involved Bucky's torture and brainwashing. It happened so fast, but he felt like she shared with him so much and all of it hurt his soul. Something really wrong had happened, so after a minute or two trying to shake off this horrible feeling, he forced himself to his feet.
The explosion smashed the chair they had put Bucky in to pieces on the garage side, with Bucky laid out beside it. Steve realized whatever happened could have turned him into the Winter Soldier, so he ran to pull Nat away from his side.
"Go help Sam with Wanda," he said, leading her away from Bucky. "He was Bucky before it happened, but it might be the Winter Soldier now." Wanda's power had been connected to Bucky's mind so Steve worried about his friend. About both his friends, actually.
Sam tried to wake Wanda but had been unable. Wanda burned with fever and kept crying out in pain, despite being unconscious. Natasha ran into the house to get some wet rags, ice, and Tylenol. They needed to get her inside the hotel, but every once in a while, a haze of her energy trailed down her skin. It had only hit Sam once on his finger and it had been excruciating, throbbing even now. He wasn't sure what he could do other than try to cool her fever. Her pulse raced, but he imagined that would take a while to settle down.
"Is she awake?" Nat said coming up on Wanda's other side.
"Be careful. Her powers already zapped me once. Put the wet towels over as much of her exposed skin as you can." Sam started putting ice on top of her shirt, trying to cool down the core of her body. "Nat, she's easily one hundred and ten degrees, probably more."
Nat looked distressed, watching Wanda. She had gotten cold sweats and cried out more often. Once or twice, she had reached for her head, tears flowing down her face. "Bucky said nothing about her being in a lot of pain after when this happened in Germany."
Sam said nothing but looked back at Steve and Bucky, hoping that Bucky remained himself when he woke up. Wanda started to go into seizures so Sam moved Wanda to her side. It didn't last long but she continued breathing unsteadily after. Ignoring the danger, Natasha continued to try and cool her off with wet rags on her forehead. Sam wanted to console her that Wanda would be fine but he wasn't certain right now.
Bucky groaned loudly and his eyes started opening. His head was killing him and he couldn't remember what happened. He opened his eyes slightly, seeing Steve watching him in concern. "Did I become the Winter Soldier again?"
Helping his friend sit up, Steve shook his head. "Wanda was still connected to your mind and I was standing beside her, helping her stand. She cried out and her power just exploded from her. Flung me outside through the wall and you ended up here."
Bucky got up quickly and ran to Wanda. He saw what Sam and Natasha were doing and knew it was a fever. "How long has she been like this?" Blood had started running from her nose and one of her ears.
"About twenty minutes. The fever has been rising and the blood coming from her nose and ears started about two minutes ago after a seizure," Natasha answered. "The last time…" Wanda's cry interrupted her. Bucky reached for her but when his fingers made contact with her, she cried out even louder, recoiling from him.
Bucky lifted his hand, and she moaned softly. He felt Sam and Nat looking at him and glanced up. "What is it?"
"She has been crying out but she's letting us touch her. Maybe your touch is heavier?" Sam said, in confusion.
"I had grabbed her to help her stand when she screamed," Steve said. He touched Wanda now but she didn't recoil or cry out. Bucky attempted touching her again. Once again, she cried out and recoiled.
Silence filled the air while everyone tried to think of something. Bucky had to fight to not hold her. "Was she still connected to Bucky's mind when this happened?" Sam asked, and Steve nodded. "Scott mentioned something when we first discussed this about how Hydra putting something in Bucky's programming that would kill him if someone attempted to remove the programming, similar to the cyanide pill. They couldn't have ever expected something like Wanda's psionic energy tampering with it. Since Bucky's not dead, I'm assuming that if they put these precautions in place, they didn't work on him. Could it be possible that they affected Wanda instead?"
"Are you telling me she could die?" Bucky demanded, once again resting his hand on Wanda's arm only to receive the same response.
"I don't know Bucky. I am honestly out of my element with Wanda," Sam admitted, wiping away the blood on Wanda's face. "But her fever isn't cooling. It's so high, I likely couldn't even take her temperature now if we had a thermometer."
"Let's hope that her powers enable her to handle a higher temperature," Natasha replied, glancing at Steve. "We have to do something though."
"What about a cold bath? Would that help at all?" Steve asked. As soon as Sam shook his head, Natasha went to the hotel for some cold drinking water at least.
Bucky reached for her but quickly stopped before touching her, realizing what would happen. "I never would have let her do this if I had known that…"
"This entire plan was my idea in the first place, Bucky. I suggested it in Germany. If anything happens to Wanda, it's my fault," Steve said, putting his hand on Bucky's shoulder. "But Wanda wanted you to be alright. I think she would have attempted it if I hadn't suggested it."
"Blaming yourselves will not help her," Sam pointed out. "No one knew what could happen. But even if we can get her temperature down and she wakes up, we do not know what type of damage she could have done to Bucky or herself. We need to get her an MRI. And I doubt Tony would let us use the lab to check either of them out."
"No, but Shuri would. And if Wanda isn't awake, she is probably the most likely person to wake her up." Bucky stood up and pulled his phone out of his pocket. The screen was black, and the glass shattered. Steve tossed him his, but it was in the same state. Apparently, Wanda's powers fried their phones.
It took them some time to find out a way to connect to T'Challa since his number was on their phones. Natasha came back and made a couple of calls to get the number. After Bucky told him what had happened, the king promised to be there shortly. "Can you send Shuri? I'm sorry to ask, but the sooner we can cool her fever…" Bucky trailed off, a lump forming in his throat. Once again, T'Challa assured him he'd help.
After he hung up, they all stood and watched Wanda. Eventually, Natasha urged Bucky to go get both his and Wanda's bags packed. Sam promised he'd call Bucky's room if anything changed. It took Steve's urging to get Bucky to go through.
As soon as Bucky left, Steve crouched down, hanging his head. Natasha reached for his hand and he wouldn't take it. "I don't want to touch anyone."
"What? Why?"
Tears filled his eyes when he looked up, but he wiped them away, sitting quietly for a minute before answering. "Bucky, Wanda, and I were connected for a moment. Bucky doesn't appear to remember or maybe it doesn't bother him because he lived it. But I saw some of his torture and I saw when the Winter Soldier attacked Wanda. I saw bits and pieces of what Hydra did to both of them. And I just saw a flash of it, Wanda felt it. I think she's still feeling it and why she can't bear Bucky touching her right now."
Natasha and Sam glanced down at Wanda before Nat grabbed Steve's hand. "If me touching Wanda can't pass these visions on to me, you can't. Hopefully, Shuri knows a way to stop this endless torment she's in. But Steve, I think you need to tell Bucky. It'll hurt him, I know, but… he's the one that has to decide concerning what Shuri does to help her."
Steve shook his head and Natasha saw the stubborn set of his jaw. "He doesn't need to be the one to decide. I'm the leader of this team and Wanda is my responsibility. He's suffered enough. I cannot tell him this or he'll blame himself."
"Steve," Sam began then hesitated. "I don't want to make this more uncomfortable for you but Bucky is not a child. He lived under Hydra's control for seventy years and he survived. And Wanda isn't a child either. She took it upon herself to do what she did trying to help him. Don't shelter them because you're going to end up hurting them both worse. Bucky needs to know everything you know and what you suspect so he can make a rational decision when Shuri examines her and recommends what to do."
"And if he makes the wrong decision, he'll have hurt her twice. Can he live with that?" Steve asked, genuinely confused.
"He lives every day with his victim's blood on his hands. Trust me, as a former assassin, that never stops haunting you, Steve. But I agree with Sam. It's Bucky's decision and if you deny him that right… Steve you know what happens when you keep secrets to protect people. Surely after Tony you know."
"Her fever is climbing," Sam said.
Steve went beside Wanda and took her hand. As soon as he did, a red glow emanated from her hand growing brighter in intensity. Natasha and Sam watched with concern as they tried to decide if she was hurting him. His eyes closed and after a minute or two the glow disappeared and Steve almost collapsed to the floor.
"I think the Winter Soldier is gone. That she finished removing the brainwashing," he told them, breathing uneasily.
"Did she tell you how to get her out of this?" Sam's voice sounded completely at a loss. He hated anything he couldn't understand and fix if needed.
"No. She didn't tell me anything. I just… suddenly knew. I know she's in pain. She's feeling the effects of all that she saw in Bucky's mind. So whatever torture he suffered, she's feeling it now."
"God, we could lose her," Natasha whispered under her breath.
Steve watched Wanda for a minute, his hand resting on her arm. "No. Honestly, I think she's in pain because she's fighting this. I felt a lot of pain from her, but not from hopelessness or desperation. She's trying to come back to Bucky," he said with a glance at Natasha. "We need to get Bucky to be with her, to talk to her even if he can't touch her. She needs him to be okay so she can heal. Strangely enough, I think her power is protecting her, even if she's not in control of it."