Usually, Tori dresses up in her favorite dress and jewelry for the first day of school, but she didn't have the urge to do so this morning. After suffering through first period history and second period French class, Tori was eager for her third period class in improv. It was optional for seniors to take a third course in improv, but the unbreakable friend group took it without question just to have their favorite teacher for their final year at the school. Unfortunately, they weren't all in the same class together again; Tori, Jade, and Andre were in this class, while Beck, Robbie, and Cat were in the other.
Brown eyes immediately found raven colored hair, noticing Jade in her preferred spot in the back of the room closest to the door. Tori sat down quietly in the chair next to her, nearly spilling her coffee everywhere but managing to catch it just in time.
"Well good morning, sunshine," her voice sounded as she raised an eyebrow at her friend. "Wake up on the wrong side of the bed?"
Tori scoffed. "No. What do you mean?"
"You didn't get dressed," Jade mumbled. She noticed how dressed down Tori was for her normal self and wondered what inspired the look
"What's wrong with leggings and a T-shirt?" Tori challenged while brushing her hair out of her face and relaxing.
The blue eyed girl relaxed as her lips pulled into a surprisingly innocent smile. "Nothing, I like it."
Tori's heart raced as she attempted to hide a blush. It was an extremely rare occasion for Jade to compliment someone's appearance without a prompt. "Oh? Um, thanks… I didn't try very hard, so I know I'm not super p-"
"You don't need to try hard to be pretty, you just are," Jade insisted. She turned away to look at the door in the front of the classroom, waiting for Sikowitz's arrival.
She said what now? "You said what now?"
"I'm serious," Jade laughed, placing her hand on Tori's knee and shaking it.
There has to be a catch to this. She wouldn't willingly call me pretty.
After Tori continued to hide her blushing face, class started within a few minutes. The teacher showed up late as usual. Sikowitz took the majority of the period to share his experiences in Australia; he was there for a month over the summer to direct a film about Steve Irwin's life. He had been ecstatic about it ever since being hired several months ago.
The last five minutes were dedicated to announcements of the school plays for the fall. Of course, Tori only vaguely recognized a few, but Jade seemed incredibly interested in one that he had mentioned, The Laramie Project . After getting ruthlessly lectured by Jade about how important this play is to her, Tori was suddenly intrigued to memorize the entire thing tonight to earn Jade's respect.
"I wonder who you'll cast as Rebecca," Jade spoke up over the side conversations in the class. Knowing she would be the best fit for the role she's always wanted to play, she crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair and practically claimed it as true in her mind already.
Sikowitz shrugged. "Anyone has as fair of a shot as you do."
Tori watched for Jade's reaction, expecting a fiery blow up and dramatic storm out of the room. She saw quite the opposite, a smile falling off her face slowly, blue eyes finding the floor while fingers with multiple rings on them intertwined with themselves.
"Auditions are on Wednesday, come take audition info sheets, then get out!"
The brunette stood up with her backpack, waiting for Jade to grab her things and walk with her, but the broody girl didn't move.
"What's wrong?" Tori asked quietly.
Jade just shook her head. "Nothing."
"Come on, be honest," the other drawled.
Once finally moving to pick up her things and go with Tori, Jade sighed. "I've really liked this play for years, and I just hope I'm happy with the part I get."
They began walking to retrieve audition information as Tori attempted to be supportive in her response. "I think you will be. With everything you already know about it, they'll be all over you!"
Jade smiled, letting her eyes wander to glance at her friends. "Thanks, Tori."
Shortly after they both took a paper from Sikowitz, Jade quickly scurried out of the room with her eyes glued to hers. Tori was left behind, staring at dark curls of hair that swayed as she walked away.
I don't think I trust what's going on here.
"Andre! Oh, thank God," Tori exhaled as she ran into the classroom.
Her close friend laughed as he stood up to give Tori a hug. "Girl, I told you last week we were in the same class!"
Tori sighed. "I know, I'm just so relieved you have no idea! I know I started writing my own songs recently but it's so hard . And we make a great team."
"We do," Andre agreed before his phone buzzed. He checked it, his eyes bulging out of his head soon afterward.
Tori felt her heart beat in her chest. "What?"
Andre stuttered, "Oh, um, Beck just-"
"What?"
"Calm down," Andre urged, unsure of why Tori was so pressed. "He just told me he saw Jade. She said you wore pajamas to school today?" He looked over Tori, seeing that she, in fact, was not wearing pajamas. " Huh?"
So she was lying. She thinks I look stupid, and only complimented me so I could keep dressing down and looking more stupid for her own amusement. I knew she wouldn't say I'm pretty.
"She said I looked pretty today!"
"You always do!" Andre's voice matched the energy of Tori's.
"I knew she was being too nice to me this morning."
Andre shook his head. "Don't worry about her, she's always the worst on the first day of school."
"That's what I remembered too, but I guess I was fooled for thinking it might be different this year," Tori concluded. She remembered back to the camping weekend, how her and Jade had the heart to heart about all of the things they would miss about school, all of the things they wanted to do this year. Tori wore her heart on her sleeve 24/7 for Jade and yet felt as though she stepped in a trap almost every time she talked to her. Unsure of how to feel, Tori resorted to anger.
The teacher for Songwriting III, the highest course you could take at Hollywood Arts, was slightly intimidating, but had a sense of humor that Tori liked. He introduced himself, shared the names of famous singers he has worked with, reminding Tori for the millionth time how lucky she is to be attending the school. They were introduced to the studio, the recording software, the access to all of the instruments they had, and finally at the end of the class, he assigned the first project.
"You will write a song, completely on your own-"
"Already?" Tori cried out in the middle of class. Every person's eyes turned to her, before she slumped in her chair and the teacher continued.
"Collaboration will be a big part of this class, as it has been in your previous songwriting classes. But first, I want to see what comes from each of you individually. I want to learn your own styles, interests, and voices."
The brunette reminded herself to breathe deeply. She had attempted a few original songs out of assigned classwork before, but they always ended up awful. Her best one was probably the one about butterflies that Kojeezy instantly rejected. Andre glanced over his shoulder at his friend with a "don't bug out" expression on his face, but it definitely didn't ease her worries.
"Your deadline is Friday-"
Now, the entire class erupted into panic, only to be silenced by the teacher. "You don't need to have it produced and whatnot or anything, just a demo, words, ideas, a solid demo completed on Friday. Got it?"
Just then, the bell rang and soon Tori and Andre made their way to lunch. She talked Andre's ear off in panic about how horribly her day has been going so far. He had learned by now that the best thing to do to help Tori when she is reacting to a situation for the first time is to just listen to what she has to say. He offered small utterances of encouragement as they made it outside. They sat at their usual table, Cat soon arriving, then Robbie. Beck and Jade were nowhere to be found.
"I'll text them," Cat chirped, pulling out her Pear phone.
"Anyone else already overwhelmed with projects and auditions?" Robbie sighed, taking a bite of his sandwich.
"I am!" Tori volunteered first. "I have to audition for the play that I know nothing about and then write a song by Friday!"
"You need to record a demo for a song you wrote, by Friday," Andre corrected her with a soothing tone.
Tori glanced at him with squinting eyes. "Yeah, whatever."
Cat perked up. "Oh, there they are!" She pointed in the direction where Jade and Beck were coming from, Jade's shoulder bumping into his, his hand on her back. Tori flashed back to her first day all over again. This time, it was different, because in reality they weren't dating anymore. Unless something changed extremely recently, and they worked out every single argument they had ever had and they're in love again.
"Hey, sorry we're late," Beck offered.
"What's up with you guys?" Andre asked, nudging Tori's knee under the table with his own. It had been his way of saying "Hey what's wrong?" to his friend in a discreet way since they met. Tori automatically snapped out of her daydream of wondering what could have possibly been suddenly fixed between her and Beck. This is why she was weird with her answer when we played truth or dare.
"We were just talking about The Laramie Project, we're so excited for it," he explained. Tori felt a fire rising within her and did not care to try and put it out.
"I'm sooo glad you're both excited," she groaned. She tried taking a bite of lunch, feeling her stomach turning and losing her appetite.
Jade scowled, surprised at Tori's sour attitude. "What's your deal? I thought you said you didn't wake up on the wrong side of the bed?"
"Sorry, I'm just stressed because I know nothing about this play, and now I have to write a s-" she looked at Andre, who nudged her knee again. "- Record a demo for a song that I have to write by myself by Friday, and the day is only half over. I'll probably have ten more assignments on top of that!"
Beck offered his advice first, of course. "Tori, you don't need to bug out. You have plenty of time to prepare what you need for the auditions Wednesday-"
"- And we've written songs plenty of times before, just think back to what our process was."
Tori took a moment to think. She could have her own mini crash course for The Laramie Project and spend the night reading up on it tonight, and tomorrow and Thursday she could try to write the bulk of a song.
"Okay… yeah, I guess you're right," she finally took a deep breath to calm her stress a bit.
Cat giggled. "Jade and Beck, could you help Tori?"
The two in question looked at each other with worried expressions. "Oh, um. We have a thing-"
" A thing?" Tori whined. She could burst into tears knowing they're probably getting close again and now they're too busy with each other to help their friend.
"Yeah, we're involved in a production across town, we're doing sound for a community theatre group's show. We have to be there tonight," Beck explained. Jade nodded along as he spoke.
Although she was hurt, Tori couldn't really argue with that. Perhaps that's why they seem close again. "Oh, okay."
"You got this Tori," Robbie encouraged, offering a smile.
"Uh-huh," she exhaled, pointing the conversation in a different direction. She hated venting around the friend group, she felt as though she did too often. "Jade, why did you tell Beck I'm wearing pajamas to school today?"
Jade smirked before taking a bite of an apple. "I wanted to see how long it would take you to freak out on me." She held eye contact with the brunette while the apple made a loud crunching sound. Tori couldn't explain the immediate lump in her throat.
"Well… I'm not going to freak out, but that was mean. You said I looked pretty."
"Maybe I did-"
"Then why-"
"Tori, you're adorable when you're flustered. I couldn't help it. At least I didn't fill your water bottle with sunflower seeds."
Tori froze, still holding eye contact with Jade. That sentence obviously meant that her water bottle looked like some seven year old's art creation behind the dugout of his older sister's softball game, and she didn't even bother checking it.
"Did you?" Beck asked softly.
"Yes," Jade whispered before taking another bite of her apple.
They're even interacting how they used to when they were dating, Tori noticed. And now she was convinced that her day could not get any worse.
sorry if I was annoying today.
What?
i'm sorry i was weird at lunch. i'm just so stressed but i don't want to scare you away as a friend again
Nothing is wrong. What's going on?
She didn't have an answer other than; I can't lose you, but of course her thumbs typed up an entirely unrelated thought.
I don't know. I felt stupid at lunch today.
I don't pick on you to make you feel bad about yourself, Tori
What? That makes literally no sense . Tori's mind was spinning. Why was Jade West suddenly the only thing making Tori feel alive today?
then why do it at all! :(
She tried to shift her focus back to the tabs she had open summarizing the play she was supposed to be preparing an audition for, but her mind just kept playing Jade's words from earlier on repeat: You don't need to try hard to be pretty, you just are. Her phone screen lit up before Tori's hands were fumbling to open the message.
It's often the only time I hear you stand up for yourself.
The older girl's heart ripped in half. This newfound support for each other made her head spin. Tori couldn't figure out this warm feeling she got whenever Jade said something especially nice to her. It's a reserved feeling, nobody else can tap into this part of Tori that just makes her want to gush, but ultimately leaves her speechless.
But also, it's really fun
well excuse me, i didn't NEED much practice in standing up for myself until you
showed up and made fun of me from day one ;)
She didn't play Jade's heart strings by bringing up the history of their friendship; Tori wrote entire verses, songs, she could play an entire symphony. That is, if Jade ever allowed her to.
You needed it several times at HA and you know it. You're welcome.
Tori couldn't argue with that. She sighed, sinking back into her chair. The webpage on The Laramie Project remained untouched.
I wish you could come over
Jade glanced over to Beck at the opposite side of the small sound booth, who had been stealing glances all night. She didn't know where her heart set with him; on one hand, she knew he would come crawling back if she initiated. And it would be so, so easy. She could have someone senior year, be familiar with who they are, be somewhat happy but kind of bored with how they do the same things over and over again together. It would be convenient. He could be someone to sleep next to, an old friend to finish this chapter of her life with, and a ticket to free movies as his brother works at the local theatre.
But Tori, oh Tori. She would be everything, and it horrified Jade.
The dark haired girl half smiled back at the boy, relieved to bring her attention back to who she was texting.
Me too. This show sucks. But we get paid.
well that can only mean one thing!
What?
you can buy me dinner, tomorrow night?
Did this bitch just… ask me out? From different locations, two heartbeats belonging to two incredibly flustered girls synchronized.
Fine. Only because I want to.
Tuesday was less overwhelming for Tori, who was now on day two of dressing more casual than she used to. She had been through the full cycle of her classes now, as her schedule is spread across A and B days. Andre asked her if she wanted to 'hang out, but definitely not write songs together, but could talk about what they had so far' after school. Of course she accepted, welcoming him into her house with his favorite snacks.
Andre sat at the kitchen table and dug into the snacks right away. "Aren't you hungry? I don't want to eat all your food."
Tori waved her hand. "No, go ahead. I'd eat with you, but Jade's buying me dinner tonight."
The boy nearly spit out his food. The brunette stepped back in shock before he slowly turned toward her.
"What? She's… what?"
Tori pressed her lips together. She knew it wasn't like that, but apparently he assumed so. "Buying me dinner. What's the big deal?"
He smirked and shook his head. "Sometimes you… say things a certain way and-"
"We're having dinner as friends," she clarified for him. "Plus, I think her and Beck have a thing going on again."
"What makes you say that?"
Tori sat down at a chair near him after retrieving her laptop from the other room. "Oh, the shoulder bumping, their connection over the play, the way she's looking at me again to see if I appear jealous of the attention she's getting from Beck-"
"Whoa, whoa," Andre stopped her. "Are you… you know, jealous ?"
"No! I just. Well-"
"Dude-" his eyes were wide again, nervous about where this conversation was going.
"No, no. Come on, do you really think Beck is my type?"
Andre laughed a bit. "Okay. No, I guess not."
Tori paused for a moment, remembering that one weird time where they were just friends and going on an anti date. She thought about how calm Jade was about it all, and realized that's probably how Beck began wanting her back. She proved she resolved a lot of her insecurities and jealousy issues. Her heart sank as puzzle pieces fit together in her mind all at once.
Words began pouring from her lips with no thought. "I just know that he's never going to see her like I do."
Andre scowled. "Huh?"
Her lips pressed together again. "I can't… well. She's told me things."
"Look, maybe Beck hasn't always been perfect to her, but how could anyone be? She's impossible-"
Andre's voice was cut off by a loud, almost guttural groan. "She's not impossible!"
He tried backing up, only to tilt his chair legs back and almost cause himself to fall. Tori realized how heightened her emotions were, again. Sometimes she wishes she could just turn her emotions off and shove them away for days at a time. Too extreme, never in between.
"That's what Beck thinks, too. She can be right there, literally hurting in front of everyone, and sure, maybe sometimes she's out of line… But it's like, always written off because she's just 'always like that' and apparently evil and-"
"Tori-" Andre tried interrupting her in a failed attempt.
"-Once you get past all of the anger and questionable actions, she just needs to feel special to someone-"
"Tori," his voice was drowned out again. He dreaded what he was about to say, and how she would react, whenever his friend stopped spilling all of these emotions.
"-And for that I can't blame her. I just don't think he's the best person to keep her happy-"
"TORI!"
Finally, she paused as Andre's hand touched her leg. She suddenly wanted to cry. Guilt bubbled up inside of her, realizing she just practically called Beck a shitty boyfriend to one of his best friends. Andre prompted Tori to take a deep breath with him, and she did, feeling warmth rush over her as she held back tears.
"Okay… I hate to tell you this, but-"
"No, don't" Tori stopped him, catching him by surprise. "I know it was wrong of me to say-"
"No, it's never wrong to say what you're feeling," Andre replied soothingly. "But I think you have a very large elephant in the room of your brain that you need to acknowledge."
Tori scowled, truly oblivious to what he was referring to. "What?"
His eyes fell, knowing Tori wasn't always the best at realizing her own emotions before they got the best of her like they just had. "Um, your… feelings…"
No. They're not… that's not… Oh God. "I don't-"
Andre interrupted, speaking slowly. "Do you have feelings for Jade?"
This wasn't a new question for her to hear, she heard it in her own brain at least ten times a day. It started a few months ago, and this voice only grew louder. She has known the answer, somewhere deep in her mind but never let it spell itself out. Apparently it was much too loud now, even Andre could hear it. Tori wasn't going to admit this to anyone else before she admitted it to herself, but now it's too late for that.
"Um…"
"I've known for a while," he replied. To her surprise, he wasn't freaked out, disgusted, or really anything besides calm. He was very neutral, but Tori's head was spinning again anyway.
"What? How?"
He scoffed. " Please. Your eyes tell the whole story every time you look at her."
Oh God. It really is that bad? Of course it is, she means everything to you.
Tori could hardly keep her focus on Andre, she had a million other thoughts to sort through regarding her identity, let alone her feelings for Jade. Andre noticed her zoning out, so he brought her back in the moment before she dug herself into a hole.
"You're very easy to read," he mumbled, waiting for her to snap back into it.
She pouted and crossed her arms, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. "I know. But only you can do that!"
He shrugged. "We don't need to talk about it-"
"No, we do! We really do! What do I do?! I don't do anything. Because, it's stupid, and she'd never in a million years feel that way-"
"You don't know that," his voice raised in pitch before he shoved another handful of chips into his mouth. Tori scowled at Andre, realizing that no one in the friend group really talked about this kind of thing. Maybe someone had revealed an identity Tori wasn't aware of before she came to school and it was just never spoken of. Maybe they weren't completely comfortable with it being brought to light on a regular basis or at all. Before she could ask, he continued. "She's... not a straight line."
Tori was sure she could faint at this revelation. "Has she ever said?"
"Well, Beck and I are close and-"
"Oh my God," she exhaled sharply as she abruptly stood up from her chair. Tori began pacing, focusing on refraining her mind from running wild on imagination with this new information. "Okay, alright-"
"Okay, so, you're… supposed to have dinner with her tonight, how's that gonna work now-"
"FUCK."
"Perhaps I've said too much-"
"YOU THINK?"
"Okay, let's just… focus on your song," Andre offered in an easy tone, as if nothing had just happened.
In a way, Tori felt as though not much had changed. If she just had this realization, sure, it meant she wasn't straight like she had thought her entire life, but as far as her and Jade, nothing had to immediately feel different. This answered so many of her questions, tied endless loose ends, glued hundreds of pieces together in her head. I have feelings for Jade.
"You know, you had feelings for Jade, too. For like, five minutes-"
Andre burst out laughing. "I remember. Weirdest week of my life."
"Okay," Tori began, feeling a glimmer of hope. "Well, we just got your eyes on someone different, and you felt better very quickly after that!"
He nodded, rubbing his hands together. "Okay. We can make this happen, you just have to do the same thing!"
As Tori opened her laptop, she reevaluated the words she had just spoken; the words that implied that Jade could be replaced left an incredibly bitter taste in her mouth. Jade wasn't just a newfound crush, Tori realized. Jade was like a fever; she made Tori feel warm inside, but left her shivering on the outside. She's had this effect on Tori since they first met, and Tori realized that what she thought was fear was actually another undeniable emotion.
"One problem with that… I don't want to."
Andre stared at her blankly, realizing exactly how they needed to handle this in the moment. "What's your song called?"
Tori stared at the words she jotted down in a document at 11:30 PM the night prior. "Uh, Mirror."
"And what's it about?" Andre mumbled while pulling up his own work.
The brunette slumped in her chair. "Not knowing who I am…" she laughed nervously, before she cried. Andre invited her over, prompting her to slide her chair next to his so she could lean on his shoulder.
"Oh, honey. Let's change this up a little bit."
Now, Tori and Andre were 'hanging out, but he was definitely not helping her edit her lyrics which was against the directions for this project.' Tori reflected on every moment in her life that she felt something for a girl even if it was a character in a show or movie. She remembered meeting Jade for the first time; that chilling feeling Jade could elicit with a cold stare, the way her voice wrapped Tori up in tangles without effort. I'm… well, something. And I like girls. Tori realized all at once how she should have immediately realized this upon meeting the girl whose heart she longed for.
Tori was staring. She couldn't help herself. There was not a single moment in the day where she didn't want to be looking at Jade if they were in the same room together. The dark haired girl had brought take out from Wok Star so the two could discuss the auditions coming up tomorrow in the comfort of Tori's home.
"How was the rehearsal last night?" Tori asked as she dug her fork back into fried rice.
Jade shrugged. "Fine, boring. The show isn't even good, but we're getting paid."
Tori sat on one couch, and Jade sat on the other; they might as well have been sharing the same one, the way they were both sitting on the edges of the couch toward where they separated.
Tori glanced over at the other, trying to read any trace of longing on Jade's face. "How's doing that with Beck?"
The brunette slightly regretted that question as soon as blue eyes looked up at hers. "Fine, why?"
"Oh, I just didn't know if it was like, weird or anything," Tori trailed off, her voice dimming as quickly as her confidence. She had a feeling this would strike some angry reaction from Jade, but she so desperately wanted to know if something was there.
Is Tori… trying to get at something? Hiding emotions or hidden intentions wasn't exactly Tori's fote, so Jade carefully constructed her response. "Well, it's not weird. But sometimes I wonder."
Don't react strongly. Relax. "Wonder what?"
"I don't know," Jade began, sighing. "I mean, I don't mind that we're getting to be friends again, but I don't really know sometimes with him. I feel like he's trying to get close to me… like, you know-"
"Oh," Tori interrupted, her heart suddenly jumping to her throat. "I mean, it has seemed like you two have kind of-"
"Kind of what?" Jade's edgy tone surfaced, causing Tori to nearly choke on her last bite. Of course, she didn't realize the real cause of Jade's emotions: Please don't tell me you're jealous because you're into Beck. I want you.
"Well, it just kind of seems like old times. How you act around each other, nothing in particular."
The few seconds of silence that followed Tori's last words were deafening. Jade tried to deny that she had considered rekindling her relationship with Beck solely for the sake of not being lonely, but maybe if she did, it would be easier to forget about her feelings for Tori before they graduate. It could be her last distraction from the girl she had longed for all these year; it would get her through this last year of unrequited feelings.
"I'm not really sure… We haven't talked about it."
Tori sensed a negative emotion in Jade's voice, but decided she had already stuck her nose into a situation she shouldn't have. She suddenly felt incredibly selfish, bringing up a topic that must be hard for Jade. She remembered how rough the breakup hit her at first, and how Beck didn't necessarily make it discreet or respect her privacy or vulnerability. Tori's hate for Beck's actions as Jade's partner bubbled up inside of her, drawing a clear look of disgust on her face.
Jade noticed this expression change on Tori, thinking it was absolutely jealousy. "So, what have you found on The Laramie Project so far?"
Snapping out of her inner Beck shit fest, Tori set her mostly-finished dish aside and grabbed her laptop. "Um, that it's really sad."
The fair skinned girl smiled. "Yeah, but it's a really important message. Which monologue are you doing?"
Tori scanned over the last page she opened, some audition packet pdf she found online for another organization's production of the show. "Um, definitely Rebecca's. That's who I'm going for."
Jade smiled a little too warmly at Tori; blue eyes watched as nervous hands brushed themselves down bare, golden skinned arms. "Oh, me too."
The brunette managed a small laugh. "Wow. The first and last time we'll probably audition for the same role."
Jade was pleased to hear that Tori didn't have any questions about the play, wasn't exploding with pleads to have Jade recite the entire synopsis; she must have done some extensive research. Much to the writer's relief, Tori also didn't have any questioning comments about how the plot revolves around a community's response to a hate crime committed against an openly gay man on a college campus in the 90s. Something Jade didn't know about Tori was any of her parents beliefs or Tori's general upbringing; how did it affect her views on certain groups of people? Jade thought that Tori's heart is made of gold, there's no way she could hate anybody for any part of their identity no matter how she was raised, regardless of how she was raised.
"Yeah. Well, do you um, want to practice? I could give you some pointers?"
Tori shivered at the thought of Jade giving her feedback at a monologue she had in her hands for less than 24 hours. However, she was confident in what she had practiced, and confident that Jade would give her pointers. Unless…
"Wait, you want this role too, right? How do I know you're actually going to help me-"
"Oh, I'm not worried about you getting the role over me. But I'll still help," Jade leaned back on the couch, relaxing as Tori walked across the room and stood a few feet in front of the kitchen table.
"Gee, how nice of you," Tori mumbled, placing her feet and grounding herself. Jade lifted her head, letting her eyes fall to the shape of Tori's hips, how defined they were in her dark jeans.
The brunette fixed her eyes on the spot above the door, just above Jade's head before beginning. " I must tell you that when I first heard that you were thinking of coming here, when you first called me, I wanted to say you've just kicked me in the stomach. Why are you doing this to me? But then I thought, that's stupid, you're not doing this to me. And more importantly, I thought about it and decided that we've had so much negative closure on this whole thing. And the students really need to talk... "
Jade would have never thought she would be in Tori's house, giving her feedback on a monologue she is absolutely nailing, let alone help her with an audition at all, just to stare at her hands while she is gesturing. And the diabolical things she was thinking. Tori's movements overall were impressively convincing, and her acting was not over dramatized like it could sometimes be. Where the hell did this side of Tori come from?
Tori would have never thought she would be performing a monologue for Jade in her own house, let alone be receiving feedback on it, just to hope through the entire thing that she is impressing Jade. She didn't dare bring her eyes back to Jade's, knowing her heart wouldn't be able to take it.
"...a lot of times they didn't have an opinion, you couldn't get them to express an opinion. And quite honestly, I'd rather have opinions that I don't like — and have that dynamic in education."
"Holy shit, Vega," Jade spoke as soon as Tori was done with the monologue.
The brunette winced. "No good?" She watched as her friend stood from the couch and started walking slowly toward her.
"No, really good-" she spoke softly, her eyes studying Tori's worry ridden face.
"Look Jade, I'm just auditioning for this part but you should get it over me, which I'm sure you will and-"
"Tori, don't worry," Jade calmed her, placing a hand gently on Tori's shoulder. She was now biting her tongue, literally, reminding herself to not spill her emotions. "I'm just...relieved."
Jade removed her hand and picked the nearest couch to sit back down on. Tori followed, taking a seat next to her. "Why relieved?"
Blue eyes looked to the floor as a sudden shadow fell over Jade. "I guess, just because, you know the story, it's-"
"You didn't think I wasn't accepting, did you?" Tori practically whispered. How ironic Jade would think that, Tori's inner voice said.
"Well, I don't know! You never talked about it, no one ever really talks about it. I'm… ugh."
Tori had a feeling Jade was about to share something that Andre had already told her. And then what does this mean for their friendship? She doesn't like you.
"Okay, this is between us. Right?"
"Of course," Tori managed, forgetting how to breathe.
Jade couldn't bear to look at Tori, fearing she would come across the wrong way, like a predator. She was afraid of scaring Tori away; just because she's accepting doesn't mean she'd be comfortable with a friend she's close to being bisexual.
"Okay, well, I'm um… I'm bi, and it's not a big deal and I don't need you to like say anything or make me feel better-" Jade words came spilling out, but she caught herself before sharing too much. Tori couldn't even look at Jade as she focused on easing her own panic. Eventually, Jade finished with, "That's why this show is so important to me."
Tori took a moment, to let Jade and herself process the information she just shared. She was screaming on the inside, Tori just wanted to take Jade's face and kiss her, but she couldn't. Jade wished Tori wasn't looking back at her with such compassion written on her face; she wished it was easy to pretend she didn't have feelings for Tori.
"Jade, I'm so glad you felt you were able to tell me. I'll always be a safe person you can come to."
"I know," she said playing with her fingers. "I just thought maybe you didn't like people who-"
"I'm, um…" Tori began, immediately regretting it. Don't confess now, idiot. She doesn't love you. You both aren't straight, so what? She doesn't feel the same way. "I'm not sure," she lied, speaking slowly. "...But I think I've also had some crushes on girls."
Not like me, Jade thought. "Oh?"
"I don't know, I've wondered before. And maybe it's not true, but I think it's normal for people to question at least once at some point in their life-"
"Oh, I'm not questioning-" Jade began, suddenly defensive only to have Tori interrupt.
"No, no! I didn't mean that. I just meant, me. And, um… Andre was helping me write a song about it last night. Because I was kind of telling him all of this."
Tori smiled as a sense of hope began in her mind. She knew it was wrong, incredibly dangerous, absolutely idiotic to think that maybe Jade West could fall in love with her, but she was going to try. The scowling face staring back at her was so kissable, it hurt.
"Okay, so now that, I've come out to you and you're… figuring yourself out, are we keeping this between us?"
The brunette frowned. "You haven't told anyone else?"
Jade grimaced. "Ugh. I have. But I don't want anyone to know we had this conversation together. It might… come across as… you know-"
"Oh," Tori gasped, catching on. "You don't want anyone to think you like me," she teased with a cheesy smile. What a weird way to cope with your unrequited love, Tori.
The obvious and instant blush on Jade's cheeks sent Tori's heart into overdrive. She wouldn't blush if maybe there want some truth to that. Oh my God...
"Gross, no..." normally words Jade growled, but this time they sounded in defeat. She stood up from the couch abruptly, and Tori noticed Jade's hands shaking. "Anyway, your monologue is great, ten out of ten everything was perfect-"
Tori watched as Jade gathered her things frantically into her bag. Fuck, bad joke to make. You insensitive bitch.
"No, wait I'm sorry, it was just a joke-"
"No you're fine, you didn't say anything wrong, but I gotta go-"
"Jade, wait!" Tori cried. The dark haired girl froze with her back toward the other. The brunette was practically in tears, hearing only three words in her head, screaming at her over and over. Tori wished Jade could just read her mind so she didn't have to build up the courage to say it out loud.
Jade squeezed her eyes shut, wondering why she actually stopped for Tori. Don't turn around.
Don't tell her. Tori heard the voice loud and clear in her head, but didn't want to listen.
"Don't forget your leftovers," Tori sighed, her body relaxing in disappointment at her cowardly move. Jade finally turned around, taking one last look at Tori with watery eyes.
The door shut carefully, the first quiet exit Jade had ever made from Tori's house.