well, we talked…
Damn… What happened?
she told me what you had said about her yesterday. I told her I was questioning myself, even though I'm really not questioning. but I obviously didn't say any more than that.
Tori clenched her phone in her hand after locking it. She felt her muscles tense at the thought of Jade asking her to keep this conversation between them so their friends didn't get the wrong idea. Andre already knew how Tori felt though, so she figured it didn't make much difference at this point. She knew she'd feel guilty about it later.
What did she say? I bet she wasn't surprised.
nothing really. she left really quickly after that. i don't think she was mad, but idk… i almost think she was going to cry
The brunette let her back fall on her mattress as she locked her phone again. Within a few seconds, Andre was calling her.
"Hello?" Tori tried to rub the swelling pain in her head.
"Jade likes you back," Andre urged. "Why would she get upset and abruptly leave after you practically came out to her?"
She groaned in response. "She doesn't, she didn't even want me talking about this with anybody because she didn't want anyone thinking we were dating."
"Okay, and Jade pushes away every good thing that comes her way-"
"Andre, it's not possible. I think I made an insensitive joke." Even while Tori was denying the possibility of Jade having feelings for her, she began replaying the scene in the living room in her mind. She remembered how relieved Jade was to learn Tori was accepting, how all she had to say after Tori confessed her attraction to girls was "Oh," the hand on Tori's shoulder after she performed her monologue.
"What was the joke?"
Tori sighed before continuing, "Well after she asked me to not bring our conversation up to anyone, which I am currently breaking like a jerk, I just joked, like, 'Wouldn't want anyone to think you like me,' or something-"
"She does! She likes you!"
"Andre, I think you're being extremely hopeful. Plus I kind of just realized why she might be upset."
"I'm right, and I know it. But what are you thinking?"
"She's known her identity for a while, and this play has been important to her for years. She said my monologue was really good when we were practicing, so maybe she is just worried who's going to get that part we're both auditioning for, apparently."
There was a pause on the other line of the phone. After speaking those words out loud, Tori was relieved at her own explanation, knowing she could continue to feel comfortably confident in how Jade doesn't feel the same.
"Okay, that might explain it-"
"Exactly, so shut up because if you keep going with this I will seriously get my hopes up."
He still believed in what he said, but he would back off of the subject for now knowing Tori doesn't need this added stress on top of her audition tomorrow. "Okay, alright. I'll chill. How was dinner?"
"She's so hot, Andre-"
A booming laughter sounded from Tori's phone speaker. Did I just say that out loud?
"I'm aware! This is adorable-"
"Nooo," Tori whined, squeezing her eyes shut and cupping her hand on her forehead. "It's horrible-"
"After all of the awful shit she's done to you, she's still the brightest star in your sky, huh?"
Andre had a way of slipping these metaphors into casual conversation; Tori figured it happened as a result of his constant lyric writing occurring in his mind. She had always found it sweet, that is until now. He wasn't wrong, but Tori didn't want to acknowledge the weight of his metaphor and how accurate it was. Although she's been better lately, she has been awful to me in the past. He's not wrong.
"She's special. I don't know, she likes torturing people for fun, I'm not saying she's perfect-"
"Oh, so you're into that, huh?"
"ANDRE-" Tori choked before she could continue. "Cut it out!" Warmth washed all over her body as she forced herself to block out a procession of suggestive images from her mind.
"Sorry, couldn't help it. Alright, well. I'm not sure if I helped or made this worse-"
"Honestly, I think you made it worse," Tori admitted, overwhelmed with how she was now fully aware of her attraction to Jade and couldn't block out these thoughts.
"Great talk. I think you should just get some sleep-"
"Yeah, like that's gonna happen," Tori scoffed. Her clock read 9:30, proving Andre's point. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Sweet dreams."
Tori set her phone on her night stand, taking her laptop into her hands instead. A blinking cursor flashed before she typed the lyrics that had popped into her head at this moment.
You're worse than a fever, but I can't break it
I can't break the way I burn for you
Tori finally dressed up for school on Wednesday in a dark floral sundress and curled hair. It was an easy confidence booster to dress in her best on important days. As she reached for the books in her locker, Beck called her name from across the hall. The thought of conversing with him after what happened last night made her bones rattle.
"Hey, have you seen Jade?"
"Is she okay?" She didn't even plan to ask it. Beck scowled back, knowing Tori was often scared of Jade being mad at her.
"Um, I guess? You didn't answer my question."
Tori sighed, letting her shoulders fall. "No, I haven't."
"Okay, cool… No big deal, thanks-"
"Wait," Tori caught Beck's backpack as he tried to walk past her. She pulled him back to the spot he was previously standing in. "I'm worried, I um- think I upset her last night."
"Oh, you did," Beck said definitively.
Tori felt her heart jump to her throat as he glared coldly at her. "What did she tell you?"
"She trusted you, you know. And that's big... And you had the nerve to say what you did?" As he spoke, Tori realized Jade had also broken the promise they both made together, to not mention it to anyone because it might come across the wrong way. Suddenly relieved at this realization, Tori's focus shifted on the tone of Beck's voice, coarse and full of anger.
"What did she tell you I said?"
Beck looked away from Tori as if he was so disgusted with whatever she had apparently done that he couldn't bear to look at her. It wasn't often that he appeared truly angry, but this was one of those rare moments where he had to dial back his tone before even speaking. "You mocked her-"
"That's not true, I said it's normal for people to question-"
"She came out to you and that's not the time to mock someone and tell them they're just confused-"
"That is NOT what happened! Look, I don't know what she told you, but I am here to say that all I said was how I… also, think I like girls-"
"Wait, what?"
"Let me finish, please, because clearly she didn't tell you this right," Tori took a deep breath. It made her incredibly nervous talking about this in the hallway, but she also didn't want Jade to suddenly appear and find them in the janitor's closet together. Apparently this was news to Beck, meaning Jade at least respected Tori's right to come out to people directly once she was ready, which warmed her heart. "I told her I've been questioning. I mean, I'm not, I definitely like girls. I even told Andre before I told her! I think she just misunderstood…"
Beck appeared to dial it back, taking Tori's perspective into consideration. "She said you accused her of liking you."
Tori let out a nervous laugh, telling herself over and over again to not lose it and begin crying. "She didn't want me to tell anyone what we talked about, because it might come across that way… that she 'does.' I didn't accuse her of that, it was just a joke. Trust me, I know she doesn't. But we both shared that part of us at the same time. And it's really, really not like that."
"Okay, okay maybe she just needs some time to digest everything… maybe she misunderstood. I'm surprised she even told you-"
"I am too! But, we've been getting closer, kind of. I think she hates me a little less, at least," Tori laughed again, feeling especially pathetic with herself. She didn't blame Jade for talking to Beck about this, as he has definitely known for some time about Jade's sexuality, but the way he stormed in like the knight in shining armor he thinks he is, just pissed Tori off. He was so desperately trying to get Jade back, that he was now accusing his own friends in the same way Jade used to. That's something she used to do that he often scolded her for. While she has grown, he clearly has not.
"Alright, I'm sorry I came after you. I'm gonna go see if I can find her," he mumbled, looking around again.
Tori rolled her eyes as she closed her locker. "Yeah, you do that."
Lunch was awkward. Incredibly, painfully awkward.
Tori refused to bring anything up, but Jade was very obviously glaring at Tori the entire time. Cat was rambling about her new art class where they were beginning pottery. Beck and Andre hardly talked. As per usual, Robbie was making the others uncomfortable with his affectionate ways toward Cat that she was too sweet to blatantly reject.
She seemed cool on the outside, but inside Jade was certain she could slip at any moment. Tori never gave her space when she was seemingly upset, but apparently she learned somewhere along the way that her friend needs some time to process her own emotions before other people offer suggestions that they think should work for her. Tori had definitely pushed Jade's boundaries a few times, but at least it was always with the intention to genuinely help her.
Andre noticed Tori's resilience to contribute to the conversation, but didn't comment. Deciding he's had enough of the tension surrounding the table, he spoke up. "Alright, I'll say it."
Tori's eyes shot straight at Jade, whose eyes met hers halfway. What the fuck does that mean?
"Say what?" Jade whispered worriedly after leaning closer to him.
"Someone's mad at someone, and I can't figure it out," Andre's eyes widened at Jade, suggesting she was the one who had a problem.
She leaned back in her seat and scowled in confusion. "Nothing's wrong."
The brunette took her head in her hands, hours of tension just suddenly rejected by the other person involved. "What the hell? Nothing's wrong?!"
"No, but I could probably cause a problem, if you want me to," Jade smirked, crossing her arms in a way that made Tori draw her attention to a certain area of Jade's upper body. She couldn't admire the view for too long before her eyes burned through Beck.
"Oh, really? That's not what Beck told me this morning."
Jade stiffened. "What? What did he tell you?"
Tori's hand grabbed Andre's knee discreetly under the table. He let his hand brush over her lower back, letting her ease into it. "Might not be a conversation for right now-"
"Yeah, probably not-" Beck agreed, burning a glare back at Tori.
Jade pushed her food away from her on the table. "Beck, we need to leave, now."
Tori watched as Beck instantly gathered his things with no objection or hesitation. The group of four watched the ex couple walk off in silence.
"Are they… dating again?"
"For fucks sake, probably," Tori groaned.
"Is that a problem?" Cat asked innocently.
If she didn't count to three, Tori would have said something incredibly rude in return. "No."
"Tori, relax," Andre spoke softly. He knew Tori wasn't good at keeping secrets, but he could see how much this was eating her alive, more than anything else he had seen his friend go through.
"Yeah, I'll get right on that," she muttered as she picked up her things. "Thanks for the tip."
Robbie stared at Andre until he glanced back, realizing he knew some of the situation. "Tori does want to be with Beck, doesn't she?"
As awful as Tori was at keeping secrets, Andre was even worse. This was a special occasion that he would keep inside until Tori was ready to share her feelings. Tori would walk out of Andre's life clean and simple if he ever told anyone else before she was ready for them to know.
Unable to generate a timely response, Andre bursted out laughing. Cat joined in soon after that, but Robbie wasn't buying it- clearly someone was hiding something.
"Nah, no no no, nooo… definitely not-"
"That sounds like a yes," Robbie declared with a sly smile on his face.
"Oh trust me, it's really not. Tori's fine, now hop off," Andre's tone suddenly serious as his eyes focused on Robbie's sharply.
"I don't really want Jade and Beck to get back together either," Cat finally spoke up. She remembered what Jade said over the camping weekend, how she was okay with not being with anyone for a while.
The two boys glanced at her in confusion. "Why not?"
"I mean, she's seemed a lot happier on her own. Something about her and Beck just didn't quite fit," she explained, twirling the ends of her hair with her fingers.
Robbie looked down at his feet, realizing Cat was probably referring to how she's happier staying on her own. Taking the hint, he clammed up as his shoulders slouched. Andre quickly and gladly fled the scene upon a panicked text from Tori, asking him to meet her at her locker.
She was sitting on the floor with her back up against the locker below hers. Messy hair framed her face as she looked up wearily at her friend. Before she could speak, Andre's voice sounded.
"What happened between you and Beck?"
"He confronted me this morning, accusing me of mocking Jade about what we talked about last night, which you know I didn't do, and-"
Andre held up a hand and shook his head. "Why would he-"
"I don't know!" Tori cried as tears began to fill her eyes. "I think, well… I don't know. Maybe Jade took something the wrong way or I said something wrong, I'm new to this and-"
"Yeah no, I'm not buying that. I don't know what is going on between them."
Tori's eyes fell to the floor during the few seconds of silence that followed. Andre began venting about a few times over the summer when Beck blew him off, but Tori couldn't bring herself to pay attention to detail. She was having her own shit fest for Beck inside her head. Half-hearted nods in agreement to what Andre was saying was all she could offer in between her sporadic thoughts.
Shifting the subject again, Tori finally looked back up at her friend. "I can't do this anymore, I have to tell her-"
"You're not saying shit until after auditions tonight," Andre protested.
"I probably won't even make it through auditions without exploding if I don't tell her!"
Andre sighed heavily, lowering himself to sit next to Tori on the floor. As he kicked his feet out in front of him, Tori tried to match his posture and take a few deep breaths.
"Look, I think you need to wait on this a few days-"
"But-"
"Girl, let me finish please," he interrupted. "Just give yourself more time, and then this weekend if you still feel the same, maybe you can tell her."
Tori's head tilted back, allowing her to stare at the ceiling. "Beck is practically begging her to come back to him, and don't even get me started on how ironic and obnoxious that is… but if I don't say anything soon, I could lose my chances and-"
"I don't think you need to worry about that," Andre said softly, offering a small smile to Tori.
She scowled at him, shaking her head at his confidence that they wouldn't get back together. "Why do you act like you know everything Jade wants, and like, exactly what she's thinking? There's no way it always favors me-"
"I just have a feeling about Jade. You already know how I feel. I could be wrong, but I think she's running from what she wants because she's scared."
Tori was unsure how to respond to that. Jade's not the type to do that, she does anything to get what she wants, even if it harms other people. She's never been known to not stand her ground and say exactly what's on her mind, even if other people might not agree with it or appreciate what she has to say. Even if it's the most out there idea, the most ridiculous idea for a movie plot, the most horrifying project she can dream up, Jade still shares it with confidence.
The brunette rested her head on her friend's shoulder. "I want this to go away, it's too much happening all at once-"
"Pushing it away will only make it worse," he whispered.
Instantly, Tori's body shot straight up again. "You told me to wait!"
Andre's mouth fell open, realizing Tori would take this as seeing the biggest and brightest green light in her life. Although she challenged his previous words, he could see that signature 'hopeful Tori' expression glow across her face.
"Yeah, I did, I just mean in the long run if you keep trying to forget it, it'll just come back to bite you," he explained frantically. Tori stood up from the floor and pulled out her phone, prompting Andre to groan. "What are you doing?"
"Asking Jade if she wants to hang out after auditions-"
"Tori!"
"What! What do I have to lose?"
"Your friendship, perhaps? Your sanity if we're completely wrong and she mocks you for the rest of time for having a crush on her? She can bully you ten times as much if this doesn't work the way I think it could-"
Tori waved her hand in the air, dismissing his worries. "I won't tell her tonight, but I'm going to find out how she feels. I'll have to think of something, you know, be creative. Bye!" She wandered off with her head bowed toward her phone, furiously typing with quick thumbs.
Andre was frozen in his spot, desperately hoping he wouldn't cause the downfall of an unpredictable love hate friendship. "Fuck."
Why did you have to do that to Tori?
Do what?
Don't play dumb. You accused Tori of mocking Jade. You and I both know damn well that would never happen, especially in that situation
Jade was so upset last night, I thought that was why. She called me after she left Tori's
Well, it wasn't easy for her the first time. Tori mentioned they were auditioning for the same part.
Yeah, I know.
Alright, well whatever. You still didn't have to do Tori like that.
Tori's being extra weird lately. Is something going on?
She's stressed, you know how she is in the beginning of the school year.
No, something's off. Jade just told me she invited her over again?
She probably just wants to talk to her about what happened, and all of the weirdness. They'll figure it out.
Well if it means anything, I think Tori and I cleared this up this morning. I kinda realized maybe I was wrong
Oh, you were wrong. Thanks for owning it.
Tori looked beautiful, of course. She was across the Blackbox talking to Cat. The dark haired girl scowled a bit at the interaction, knowing Cat wasn't there to audition. She probably showed up for moral support, something Jade was never great at with Tori. Jade gazed from afar, wondering if Tori felt the same way, based on how extremely uptight she has been about every single thing this week.
Beck was being annoying and Jade couldn't deny it. He told her that he simply misunderstood why Jade was so upset last night and automatically assumed Tori was 'mocking' her. She had mentioned to her ex boyfriend that Tori was doing her best with a very new topic for her; sure, maybe the questioning comment was a bit unsolicited, but it clearly indicated Tori's current experience. Jade was unsure of why Beck of all people would immediately demonize Tori when she hadn't done anything wrong. Oh, I was upset, but obviously didn't clear up the reason as to why with him, because I can't. Duh.
While Tori was putting most of her energy into talking to Jade at the right time to apologize, Jade was doing the same to apologize to the other. I'm so sorry for anything I've ever said about you that was cold and mean. I have been so afraid of you, but I don't want to be afraid anymore.
But of course, Tori is arguably more horrified than Jade in this scenario. All those walls Jade had built and Tori still went above and beyond for Jade. And her friend was starting to take similar selfless actions to favor Tori. Jade could sometimes be a handful, but Tori never gave up. Tori never pushed Jade away, and now, somehow Jade is completely wrapped up in her friend that would only ever remain, at most, a friend.
"You okay?"
The two words snapped Jade back into reality. Her jaw clenched at the question, the one Beck always asked but never truly cared to know the deep answer to.
"Peachy."
"Have you talked to Tori yet?"
Jade's eyes squeezed shut. "Are you my manager?"
Beck leaned back in his chair and groaned. "She's afraid to approach you, maybe you could go wish her luck-"
"Maybe her fear was instilled by you cornering her this morning," Jade hissed through her teeth.
Beck glanced over to Tori, who clinched when her eyes met with his, only to turn back to Cat and whisper.
"Go talk to her," he insisted while furrowing his brow at Jade.
In a huff, Jade stood up and counted her steps across the room. Tori could see from the corner of her eye that Jade was coming over, and seemed to turn her body as far away from the other without it being obvious. Dark blue eyes met Cat's first, whose mouth fell open with trembling lips.
"She's here. I gotta go, good luck, Tori!" the redhead shrieked before disappearing within seconds. Jade's eyes fell to the floor, allowing Tori to prepare herself for confrontation.
"I'm not mad at you, Beck just misunderstood-"
"I know, I know," Tori began while her eyes finally melted into Jade's. "I'm sorry, I just-"
"You're scared of how you feel," Jade confirmed. Tori's sinking heart begged for permission to pour open, soon shut up by the brunette's mind.
"You have no idea," Tori replied breathlessly. Her eyes found the ceiling, Jade quickly detecting that this was one of Tori's 'try not to cry' moves.
"I think I understand more than you might know," she said softly, stepping toward the other. In a split second, Tori imagined a scene where they reached out for each other, pulling the other in for a deep kiss they both had been waiting for. Jade extended her hand and placed it softly on Tori's wrist, her fingers wrapping around it lightly. "I really do think I know exactly how you feel."
Tori's mouth was dry now as sirens went blaring through her mind. "What?"
"You're scared to say what you want, even though it's just right there in front of you, already right there… but when you say it out loud it sounds… weird-"
"Jade, I need to tell you that-"
"It's 6:30, assigned seating, now!"
After the two glanced over to the teachers who called a start to the auditions, Jade turned back around to her friend and hugged her quickly before she walked away. "Good luck, you'll be great," she whispered before Tori was left craving just another second of the other's touch.
The audition process began in alphabetical order of last names. Beck was first of the three from the friend group to audition, putting Tori in an especially competitive mindset. He was incredible, as always. Jade knew Tori's eyes were on her, watching for any reactions to Beck's acting. Luckily, she had years of practice in being stone cold in reaction to just about anything. Unfortunately, most of it was genuine by this point, not just practice.
Tori's stomach churned the deeper she lost focus of the moment. This is such a bad idea. You're going to regret this. She won't feel this way. But she's looking at you, too… And she came out and immediately got all weird about it and went home. And now Beck is mad at you, almost like he's jealous of you-
That was the thought that prompted a soft throat clearing from Tori as she squirmed and repositioned her legs in her seat. Holy shit… what if Andre's right?
Jade heard the utterance from the brunette, feeling the need to do the same herself. Something about Beck had Jade confused. Deeply, alarmingly confused. Don't do this to yourself, you fucking coward. Go get Tori.
Beck finished his monologue and exchanged a smile with Jade during the applause. Tori's hands hardly moved, seldom making any sound. He sat back down next to Jade, and then his arm was around her. Tori watched as she leaned into him, beginning a repeating sentence in her head: you'll do better than him.
Tori had some time to ignore the fact that Jade's face was especially pale, noting an expression across the blue eyed girl's face that suggested remorse. Something Tori had never mastered was compartmentalizing before an audition. Apparently, this was the perfect time to practice. For a few moments, Jade didn't exist in Tori's mind. Regardless of this anxiety inducing situation, this play meant something to Tori, too. Jade aside, performing and being a part of this play would prove to be important to her experience at Hollywood Arts, not to mention how important its content is for the community. Miraculously, Tori could focus her own thoughts entirely on herself for a few moments, setting her up to walk confidently to the 'x' on the floor once her name was called.
"Good evening. My name is Tori- Victoria Vega, and I'm auditioning for the role of Rebecca in The Laramie Project by Moisés Kaufman."
Victoria, I love your voice when you smile, your smile when you're confident, your confidence in your beautiful and brilliant self. I love you.
"Wonderful! Whenever you're ready." Sikowitz leaned back in his chair, wondering how Tori would handle a role for a play with such a heavy topic.
"I must tell you that when I first heard that you were thinking of coming here, when you first called me, I wanted to say you've just kicked me in the stomach. Why are you doing this to me?"
Jade smiled in her seat, suddenly shimmying out of Beck's hold to lean forward toward the stage. It was relatable, why are you doing this to me? Tori continued, even better than what she had performed for Jade the night before. The pride she displayed was unlike any confidence Jade had ever seen in Tori, and the reason for this was clear as day. She really means it.
Beck watched as his ex girlfriend bit her lip while watching the singer nail the monologue without missing a beat. Even he was impressed, but that positive feeling quickly drowned in envy of the attention Jade was giving her.
The room was completely tranced by Tori's performance; it was like no one was even breathing - Jade certainly wasn't by the time she was finished with her monologue.
The brunette's streak of confidence broke the second she finished. Worried eyes studied Sikowitz, whose facial expressions were never easily detectable of what he was truly thinking. Deciding it was no use to try and read any of the teacher's faces, Tori quietly made her way back to her seat.
Jade audition was directly after Tori; she made her way to the 'x' after being prompted by the teachers.
"Hello, I'm Jade West and I am also auditioning for the role of Rebecca."
Tori smiled upon the brief moment that Jade's eyes met hers. Just a small smile was exchanged before Jade looked down at her feet and took a deep breath before beginning. The sweet voice Tori loved echoed throughout the room; the brunette shivered whenever Jade's projected voice filled an entire space. She couldn't escape her infatuation with the smoothness of her friend's voice; every sentence sent vibrations all over Tori, she couldn't deny the obvious desire she felt when Jade was using her stage voice.
She was fully aware of how obvious it would be, if Jade had happened to glance at her friend whose face had admiration written all over it. She was sure if anyone was looking at her, they'd realize something.
Jade finished her monologue and returned to her seat quietly after a small "thank you." She didn't let Beck touch her, like how his arm was around her earlier. She didn't mind it when he did that earlier, which pissed her off. This wasn't supposed to happen, she wasn't supposed to be questioning if she still had feelings for him. She was supposed to hate him with every fiber of her being, not wondering if she could be better for him after their time apart.
There were a lot of things that weren't supposed to happen; Beck wasn't supposed to want Jade back, Jade wasn't supposed to be in love with Tori, and she certainly wasn't supposed to wonder if she could work it out with Beck. Tori wasn't supposed to make Jade fall in love with her, but it was impossible to not let it happen.
Tori wasn't supposed to see what happened between Jade and Beck after auditions were dismissed. They had been talking, nothing Tori could hear, when there was a pause and lingering looks between them. He took her face in his hands quickly, bringing her in for a quick kiss and Tori saw the entire thing. She saw how Jade broke away and looked down at her feet laughing. Tori just wasn't aware of the reason for Jade's uncomfortable laughter.
"What was that?"
"Oh, um. Sorry. I guess I just read the moment wrong," Beck muttered while rubbing his face.
That accident was the only thing Jade needed to know she couldn't be any more not into Beck. A massive wave of relief washed over her knowing she could shut that voice up in her head. "Um, it's okay. I know we're kinda rebuilding our friendship, but.. Let's not do that again."
He laughed as he rubbed her arm up and down. "Sure, I'm sorry."
"It's okay," she whispered. "I'm gonna go congratulate Tori."
"Good idea, see ya," Beck called to Jade who was already making her way across the room. He pulled out his phone to text Andre about his impulsive move, while Jade noticed something was off with Tori.
Jade cleared her throat to bring attention to her presence. "Hey, you did really amazing-"
"Thanks, I'll see you tomorrow," Tori quickly shot back as she refused to glance at the other.
Jade waited for Tori's nerves to hopefully settle after a few seconds. "I thought you wanted to hang out tonight?"
Fuck. "Oh, I'm sorry. I totally forgot, um, I really should be finishing up and practicing my song for Friday, though. Maybe another time?"
Jade had never been blown off by Tori, but she very quickly knew she didn't like this new feeling. "Sure, whatever."
The brunette threw her bag over her shoulder, continuing to shy away from Jade. "I'm really sorry-"
"Tori, can I ask you something?"
Finally, brown eyes met Jade's, sending a shiver down the pale girl's spine. She was clearly upset, and Jade was positive she knew why. Tori didn't say anything, but Jade took the eye contact as permission to continue.
"Did you um, see what Beck just-"
"Yeah, I sure did. And?"
Jade was taken aback by Tori's tone, scowling in disbelief that she would go so far as to blow off their plans because she's so upset about this. "That's why you're upset?"
Tori sighed and pushed her hair out of her face. "You know, I thought I was, but maybe I should be relieved."
"What are you talking ab-"
"I really need to go, Jade. Your audition was really great too, by the way," Tori offered the compliment before turning and heading for the back door.
Jade was frozen in her spot, watching the door slowly close behind her friend. Relieved of what?
Tori would have called Andre, but she didn't. She snapped at her mom who had driven her home from the audition, and she was silent through dinner with her family. Her parents figured the audition went poorly, so they didn't pry because they know how hard Tori can be on herself and how hard it can be talking about it for her; they wanted Tori to have the comfort to bring it up when and if she wanted to. At least until after dinner, once she could eat and hopefully clear her mind a little bit of all of the bad things.
"I'm gonna go for a bike ride," Tori muttered after placing her dishes in the dishwasher.
Her mom scowled. "It's getting dark, are you sure?"
Tori scoffed as she slipped her sneakers on by the back door. "I'll be fine, just around the corner and back."
Holly crossed her arms and gave one last glance at her worry ridden daughter. "Be safe. And please, wear your helmet for once."
The senior slipped out the door, queuing her playlist titled 'don't cry' and pressing her earbuds into her ears . The title often prompted her to do quite the opposite once she was finally alone. There was nothing left to do except forget about Jade, and forget that she ever had feelings for her in the first place. Tori wished she could hate her, but that wouldn't be fair. Jade didn't do anything wrong, and frankly it made sense to Tori; Jade would handle her emotions better and go back to Beck. He had been the only person for so long to appreciate the better things about her. How can she be mad about it?
Right as she stepped on the bike, her phone buzzed in her pocket. She stopped the bike's movement with her feet.
Are you okay? Beck texted me.
I'll deal with that later, Tori thought, propelling herself yet again.
This is fine. This happened for a reason. You're not meant to be with her, and everything happens for a reason.
Tori couldn't stand to think about how Jade would quickly become a memory after this year. They'd go their separate ways after graduation, go to different colleges, Jade would continue to flourish and grow as a person, and Tori would always regret having these giant feelings and realizing them too late. She would regret never giving this a shot, she would regret ignoring her feelings for so long, she would regret not telling Jade anyway, whether Beck had kissed her or not.
Most of all, Tori would regret not putting a helmet on like her mom had asked her to. She failed to even hear the car that came in on her left side, she only felt her head crashing into the concrete after being slammed onto the front of the vehicle.
"Oh God, look what you've done!"
Before fading out, weary eyes made out a blurred image of two pairs of feet in front of her, angry voices yelling back and forth at each other.
"Fuck, fuck fuck fuck, Jesus it's just a fucking kid!"
"Call 911, idiot."
A stream of blood trickled down between two brown eyes that slowly fluttered shut.