Chapter 1 The Talking Closet

"Jasper, seriously.. could we please.. PLEASE go to sleep?"
"Yeah, I just want to obtain that last skill point for body and promote into a War-arranger"

-Grunt- I've had it.. we (my boyfriend Jasper and I, Ilona) have been playing Sims 2 on the Game Cube for 8 long, very long hours now.. I'm so fed up with it that I'm seeing a huge green diamond hanging above his head.. I wanna sleep! Where do I click to make myself go to sleep? Ow.. wait.. real world.. not Sims..

"Jeez Japs.. we've been doing this all day.. can't it wait until tomorrow?"
"Technically speaking it already is tomorrow.." He glances at me.
"You really are tired aren't you?"

Well doh! It's half past three in the morning!

"Yeah.. a little"
"Well.. why didn't you just say so.. I'll save the game and we can go to sleep"

-Glares at boyfriend- Girls.. did you ever notice how men can sometimes twist little conversations like this.. in which something is so evidently HIS fault.. into a conversation in which that same thing suddenly is YOUR fault?

"Why thank you dear" I say as sarcastically as possible while flopping down in the pillows. It takes him another fifteen minutes to finally climb in bed next to me. He just hád to check on several forums.. and all his mail accounts before going to bed. -Sigh- But still.. I love him.

Smiling I snuggle up to him as he turns off the lights. I grin as I put my arms around his neck and give him a small kiss on his lips.. and another.. and another.. and another one.. but longer this time. Jasper chuckles as he pushes me away a little.

"I thought you were supposed to be tired?" he asks.. I can see him grin in the gloom of the room.. hey. .that rhymes.. ghe..
"Well.. yeah.. but.. hm.. I'm just an affectionate little girl?" Batting my lashes I smile as innocently as I can manage.. so probably I look like a very evil seductive little girl..
"Good night Lona" with a kiss on my forehead he stops my babbling and pretty much commands me to go to sleep. Pssh.. well.. fine.. I can use the sleep..

--A few hours later--

-Tap tap- "Grmpfhsnfffhhawha?" That was me waking up..

Need.. sleep.. what was that sound? Squinting against the harsh red light of the alarm clock I try to figure out the time. 7 o'clock.. way too early..

"...great job.. couldn't do it myself.. yeah.." Jasper is talking in his sleep again. Sweet.. but I can feel myself getting more and more awake every second.

-Tap Tap- That sound again.. well.. I've heard it before.. and this time I'm ignoring it.

I turn around, and gently wrap my arms around Jasper's waist. So.. now I'm trying to go back to sleep again.

"Lona!" Someone whispers.. not too quietly I must mention. Ignore.. just.. ignore.. it'll go away.

"Blast.. it's really dark in here.. LONA!". The person has stopped whispering and is now nearly shouting. The sound comes from the bedroom closet. The lock of the closet is rattling, almost as if someone.. or something.. is trying to open it from the inside...while making a lot of racket!

This isn't going to work.. ignoring him is like refusing to acknowledge a huge tidal wave heading for your home, about to destroy everything.

Dammit..

Very carefully, so as not to wake Jasper I get out of bed. I put on his robe and walk stealthily towards the closet. Well.. as stealthily as can be after bumping into a chair, and the closet itself.

"What is it? It has been over a year since I last heard from you! Go away!"

"Aww.. come on.. you can't resist me y'know?"

Excuse me? I can't resist him?
"I can't resist chocolate.. and unless you've turned into a very big talking chocolate bar, I very damn well can resist you! I'd even be grossed out by the talking bit.. chocolate isn't supposed to talk.."

Great.. now I'm babbling..

"Alright, alright.. so you can resist me.. just.. open this cursed door?" the voice concedes.

"What? No!" I stare at the door in shock. Letting him out? Letting him in I mean.. or is it out? Hm.. anyway.. I'm not opening the door! He isn't going to take over my life again..

"Aww come on! It's dark in here.. and stuffy.. and I think there's this huge spider somewhere".
"And that's one of the reasons I'm not opening the door! That spider isn't coming out while I'm here!"

Jasper turns around in the bed. "Lona?" he asks, groggily from sleep.
"Yeah.. right here.. I'll be back with ya in a jiffy"
"Ok.. love you" Ghe. .What a sweetheart..
"Yeah.. love you too"
Back to the problem at hand..
"Stop making all that noise! You're waking my boyfriend!" I hiss at the wooden door.
"So open the damn door already so I can stop shouting"
"No!"
"Why not!"
"Well... why should I?"
"Why shouldn't you.. and I asked you first!"

Suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder, scaring me almost to death.
"Aaieh!" Terrified I spin around, to see Jasper standing behind me.. in his boxers.. and.. well.. his boxers.. Normally this would've distracted me.. I mean.. six packed tummy and all.. but right now this presents a problem.
"Lona.. why are you talking to my wardrobe?"
"I'm not"
"Well.. it seems to me like you are.."
"But.. well.. I'm not.. really.. it.. well.. erhm.. yeah.. ghe.. it's really funny because.. uhm.. you see.. why are you awake?" I try to distract him with my reversed psychology.. ha!
Jasper stares at the closet "I woke because I heard you saying to the closet that he isn't a piece of chocolate.. and I figured that needed some explaining"

Ah..right.. so much for the distraction.
-sigh- why does everything has to be this complicated?
"It's because.. well.. I'm practising my acting lessons.. and.. so.. I thought the closet would be a wonderful assistant.." I look at his face..
"You're not buying this are you?"
"No.. you're not even taking classes"
"Owh.. right... I thought I forgot something.. Ok.. you want the truth? I'm not talking to a piece of furniture.. I'm talking to a pirate"
Jasper just looks at me..
"You're such a terrible liar you know?" And with these words he opens the doors..

And who stumbles out?
Right.. The infamous Captain Jack Sparrow.. himself.