How do you dress when it's your first day back to school in two weeks, and you have no recollection of this building or anything about it?
What do you wear when everyone already has a certain style associated with you, and the last thing you're trying to do is draw attention to something that's different. Would an unexpected outfit really change the inevitable nature that today would bring: suffocation and anxiety? No. Everyone is still going to flood you with questions and kind words and they will all be strangers to you. Well, most everyone.
The clock read 7:14 as Tori took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair. It's gonna be okay. Jade will be there.
She wished Trina was still at Hollywood Arts; she would drop kick anyone who had anything rude or overwhelming to say to her little sister. Last time she remembered riding to school, her mom was dropping Tori off at Sherwood before dropping Trina off. Apparently, Trina had been the one driving Tori to school for the last two years, and she would miss that freedom this year. Tori wondered how long it would take to convince Holly to let one of her friends drive her instead.
It's only a five minute drive, but Holly didn't say much in the car. Tori had enough going through her mind, and she might need to work this out silently herself. Her daughter had too many things to focus on and sort in her brain, and another voice in the background might be too much to handle at this moment.
Eventually, the car stopped in front of the main entrance at Tori's school. She was unable to pinpoint one particular emotion, but at least one of them was excitement. She turned to her mom one last time before getting out of the car.
Holly's eyes were about to overflow with tears. "You'll be okay, and I'll have my phone on me all day."
Tori nodded, pressing her lips together and squeezing her mom's hand that reached out to her. "I'll be okay," she repeated, speaking the words to conviction. "Love you."
"Love you too," she whispered as she watched her daughter close the door and turn around. Within seconds, arms swung around Tori and squeezed her tight. Holly recognized the red hair immediately, wincing at the impact of the excited hug. Cat smiled and waved at Mrs. Vega before she drove off.
"We're so excited you're back! It's felt like so long!" Cat shrieked in excitement, taking Tori's hand in her own and pulling her forcefully as she skipped forward.
Tori stumbled over her own feet trying to keep up. "Cat, can you slow down please? I don't want my head to start hurting again."
The two slowed down at the doors as Cat turned around with wide eyes. "I'm so sorry," she whimpered. "I'll try to be calm."
Tori laughed softly, pulling the door open. "It's okay. I just gotta be careful, you know?"
The two girls made their way down the hall. Tori gazed up at large murals painted across the walls. So many colors, so much noise, so much talent. "I know, I know. Andre told me like a hundred times to be careful with you and not attack you with cuddles!" Cat sighed happily as she latched onto Tori's arm.
Though she had never had a friend that was outwardly friendly and physically affectionate, Tori didn't mind it. In fact, she enjoyed it. It was odd the way a practical stranger instantly made her feel appreciated and loved; Cat exudes positive energy constantly, and Tori would absorb as much of that as she could get.
"I'm going to get lost here aren't I?" Tori asked hesitantly.
"Everyone knows you, you could ask pretty much anyone and they'll help you." Cat affirmed. They reached a more open area with a staircase and an open floor where pairs of friends were playing instruments, dancing, and talking with each other. Cat stopped abruptly, but Tori kept walking ahead.
The brunette heard a voice shout after her, causing her to turn around quickly. Cat was standing next to a locker that had lights built into it like stars. "This one's yours!"
Tori had recognized it after a few seconds, remembering seeing the same 'Make It Shine' words in the background of a few pictures of her friends near the lockers. "Oh! Right…" she approached the locker, suddenly realizing the problem. "Wait, what's my combination?"
Cat's eyes grew wide again. "Uh oh."
"I got it," a familiar voice sounded from behind Tori. She flinched at the realization that someone was behind her, and the fear grew stronger once she saw Jade with an axe in hand. It was only seconds before she swung with full force at the locker, directly nailing the lock that fell off and crashed to the floor. Tori jumped back at the sound, placing her hands over her ears and yelping a bit.
Jade turned around at her friend, horrified that she didn't realize sooner it would be an uncomfortably loud sound for Tori. "Oh my God, I'm sorry, did that hurt your ears?"
"That's what you're apologizing for?" Tori laughed, relieving Jade's anxiety. "I'm fine, you just… came out of nowhere with an axe?"
The fair skinned girl shrugged. "It's for class. But I like carrying it around to scare people," Jade smirked, swinging it back and forth a bit with pride.
Tori slowly turned toward Cat, who was indifferent to the scene. "Isn't that like, you know, not allowed in school? Carrying weapons?"
"It's just a prop," Jade cooed innocently. Tori stared at her, wondering why this was making her heart beat faster, but not in a fearful way. "No it's not," Jade admitted. "Shhhhh."
Okay, yeah. I'm a little scared of Jade. "Uh, thanks for the help."
"I'll tell the janitor to put a new lock on it. No worries," Jade said simply before walking away quickly.
Cat stood quietly as Tori pawed through the books in her locker. She found the proper materials for her morning classes and put them into her backpack as a sea of whispering voices began to close in on her. There were a few small groups of people beginning to stare from afar, but Tori didn't realize until turning around while pulling the strap of her bag in her shoulder. Countless faces of strangers smiled upon making eye contact with the girl who had survived a traumatic accident.
"Oh, God. Cat, can you walk me to my first class?" Tori turned to the girl who was waving to Andre. His smile was contagious, and Beck was not far behind him.
"Hey, girly! Where ya headed?" Beck playfully nudged Cat a bit to say hello.
Tori gripped the printed schedule tightly, squinting to make out the small text. "Uh, history-"
Andre's voice sounded next. "Oh yeah, you're with that one guy. We can walk you there-"
"Tori!" Another voice interrupted. Robbie appeared with that puppet she'd seen in pictures and heard about. He really does take him everywhere, doesn't he?
"Hi Robbie," she managed, raising an eyebrow at the puppet again. "Rex, is it?"
"How could you forget someone as handsome as me, hmmm? Yeah, that's what I thought."
Beck scratched the back of his head as Robbie laughed nervously. "Rex, that's not a nice thing to joke about right now-"
"No, it's okay," Tori glanced to Robbie, then back to Rex. What the hell, he's so good as a ventriloquist that I'm already separating the two as their own identities. " I only know because of your bad reputation."
Rex's head slowly turned to Robbie as he began shaking with rage. " What did you say about me?!"
The awkward boy stammered. "I-I didn't say anything! It was Jade!"
"Hmph. Figures. That grunch!"
Tori scowled. Jade's not a grunch. That's not even a real word? As the bell rang, Tori's eyes returned to Andre, who seemed genuinely displeased with the entire conversation. He took Tori's arm lightly and began to move along. "Okay, come on Cat."
"Where are we going?"
"The second floor, we all have class there first period," Beck sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"Oh, you're right, yay! Bye Robbie!"
More colorful halls. More singing and music coming from various rooms. More people with intimidating and impressive styles. More overwhelming emotions around lost experiences.
Andre gestured to a classroom as he turned around to face Tori again. "Alright, here we are. Want me to meet you back here to help you find the next class?"
"Yes please," Tori spoke softly, holding back tears.
Andre knew that about-to-cry face like the back of his hand, and rested his hand on Tori's shoulder gently. "It's gonna be alright. Teachers know not to bring attention to this kind of thing. I'll kick anyone's ass who ticks you off, okay?"
Cat gasped at Andre's language, but Tori laughed appreciatively. "Thanks, Andre."
"See ya," he whispered before walking off.
"You'll do great," Beck added in, offering her a small smile.
"Good luck, Tori," she called following behind him.
The teacher stood from his desk to greet Tori, extending a hand out to her. "Mr. Morris. Welcome back. Pretty easy day today, but let me know if you need any copies of notes or anything ever, okay?"
"Sure," Tori nodded nervously. She looked over her shoulder at the desks spaced out, wondering where her seat might be. "Um-"
"Oh, sit anywhere you'd like."
Next to the window. In the middle of the row, she didn't want to appear disrespectful to the teacher who seemed kind so far. This was as invisible as she could be, but she wished it was more.
No one said anything to her. A few people looked over to Tori throughout class and gave a small smile, but no one interacted. She didn't mind, she didn't need any more distractions than she already had in her own mind. Class seemed like ten minutes, and ten hours at the same time. It was the first time she had heard some new conversation topics in two weeks, which made it somewhat relieving to have the noise of her new reality dulled for forty minutes. The bell rang, and French was next. Andre was outside as promised, but he was the only friend from the group there.
"You okay?"
"I guess," Tori sighed. "Where to next?"
Andre tried not to let worry draw across his face. "Downstairs, near the room that we'll have Improv in third period."
Tori's feet followed Andre, but she felt herself floating again. Somehow everything was on her mind, but none of it caused any feeling. Who am I? Who am I supposed to be?
Jade was by Tori's locker again, now holding two travel drink cups. The two girls had smiles that grew bigger the closer Tori walked to the other. Jade extended her left hand out to Tori, while Andre was on high alert.
"Do you want some tea?"
"Ooh! What kind?" Tori took the cup carefully from Jade's hand, wanting nothing more than to make contact again, but deciding to avoid the risk of showing a reaction.
"Peppermint. You like that, right?"
Jade's heart melted as Tori carefully removed the lid to smell the tea and softly moaned in delight. She knew the girl had developed an appreciation for peppermint tea and scents to manage stress.
"Yeah, thank you so much, Jade-"
Before Jade could further melt into the sound of Tori's voice saying her name, Andre interrupted. "What did you do to it?"
Jade shot a rather intimidating look in Andre's direction, throwing Tori off guard from the previous sweet interaction. "Nothing, why would you ask that?"
Damn, her eyes could kill, Tori thought.
He immediately realized his mistake, and understood Jade's aggression. His nervous, fake laugh surfaced as he began fidgeting. "Oh! Well, you know, you and your pranks," he managed between half hearted laughs.
"I've never done anything rude to Tori," Jade shook off the anger, smirking at Tori.
Tori smiled and nodded slowly. "Definitely not. And especially never involving hot liquid in coffee cups."
Jade grimaced and leaned back on her heels. "Yikes."
The bell rang again, and Andre raised an eyebrow at Jade before leading Tori to the next class.
Tori met another nice teacher, she sat quietly in a seat near the window again, and this time noticed that people wouldn't even look at her. While she was frustrated with being ignored, it wasn't any easier to have to decide to approach anyone first herself. It was like being the new kid at school in a state across the country, except everyone knows way too much about you already.
Another sip of tea. Another minute of wanting to be closer to Jade.
Of course, the teacher asked everyone to pair up with partners. And what did Tori know about French? Absolutely nothing.
"I'm Sinjin. We were friends before."
Tori hoped her smile appeared genuine, that she was good enough at acting to at least fake a friendly smile. "Oh! Well, nice to formally meet you, again…"
"Do you know any French?"
"No."
"It's okay, me neither. I'm not sure why I'm in this class as a senior."
Friendly fake smile gone. "Oh. Alright. Well-"
"Is it weird to be back at school?"
Goddamn it. "Yeah, very."
"You know your locker? And how it lights up? I helped you put that together."
Okay, she could maybe go with this topic. "That's super nice. So, I chose to have it look like that, right?"
"Yupperdoodle."
Tori scowled and looked away. She knew it was the name of the song she sang in place of Trina, but to have a locker that has no meaning to her current experience suddenly bothered her.
Class went on after partner work, luckily the teacher knew not to call on Tori and Sinjin, and Tori continued counting down the minutes until seeing Jade again.
A loud voice boomed throughout the room, "Tori Vega!"
The first teacher to make a scene out of her appearance today, and it was Sikowitz. Luckily, Jade and Andre were in the class, making her feel a bit more secure.
"Hi, Mr. Sikowitz."
The man burst into uncontrollable laughter, almost like a character out of a scary movie. Jade smiled at his outburst, nodding her head slightly to Tori.
"Told you," Jade muttered.
"No one calls me Mr. Sikowitz. Just 'Sikowitz' will do."
Without questioning, Tori shrugged. "Oh, okay!"
He clapped his hands together so loudly that Tori flinched. "Now, would you like to get it over with and jump onstage for your first exercise?"
Before Tori could offer a polite way of saying no, Jade threw her hands in the air. "Really, dude?"
"No!" Was his answer as he folded his arms. "I'm not that horrible of a person."
Andre chuckled softly, and Tori felt her shoulders loosen. "Okay, please, no. I'll just listen today, if that's okay."
The bearded man smiled at the girl. "Good! Because I have a few words of encouragement." He pulled out a lawn chair from the side of the room, and pulled a coconut out of his oversized sweater pocket.
Tori's jaw fell open as he sat down and started puncturing the coconut. "Uhhh-"
"Something wrong?" He asked in an amused manner.
She studied him, wondering if he would lecture her if she judged him for his outfit, his hair, his coconut… so she kept her mouth shut. "No, sir."
Jade's mouth went dry at Tori's words as she crossed her legs. Why does that turn me on? She never sits next to Tori in classes, but she regretted that now, realizing she should have started a long time ago.
"Tori, on your first day of school at Hollywood Arts, you offered me two dollars outside the school entrance because you thought I was homeless-"
Jade snorted, making Tori ease up a bit with how he was honest yet seemed fond of her so far. "Yikes-"
"Not yikes, it was excellent! You've always been the sweetest peach in the patch, but you're not afraid to tell people off when it's necessary. I pretended to disapprove of your acting of 'The Bird Scene' the first few days you were here, and you finally worked up the nerve to tell me off and defend your acting choices."
Tori recalled that situation, what her friend had told her. "Ah, I heard about that."
He smiled. "Oh really? How'd it feel to learn you did that?"
If it was any other teacher, she probably would have already left the room by now. It was as if she should be offended by Sikowitz singling her out, but she couldn't be. "Um. It was weird, you know. I never would have done that to a teacher before-"
"But you did," he said before sipping coconut juice through a straw. Tori was disgusted, yet fascinated.
She wasn't sure how to take his sudden and blunt mood change. "Um… I'm really sorry-"
"No! Do not apologize. I only tell you this to break you out of your shell a bit. I want this class especially to feel like, what do you call it nowadays… a safe space, if you will."
Jade felt as though she could cry. She had always liked the man to a degree, but this was incredibly impressive for him.
"I know you feel as scared, if not, more scared than you did when you walked in this classroom for the first time two years ago, but I am here to tell you that you are a bright and bold soul down to the core, and I refuse to let you see anything else but that in yourself."
Tori could have cried too, but she was too happy with this introduction that she felt simply overjoyed. "Thank you Mr…. Sikowitz. Just, Sikowitz."
"That's my girl. Okay, enough Tori time. I'm sure you're going through enough today."
He asked her to hold his coconut before he folded his chair and threw it back to where he got it from. "New exercise! You are all lost toddlers in the grocery store trying to find your mothers. Go!"
Instantly, everyone jumped out of their seats and began wailing hysterically like a whiny four year old.
What. The. Fuck?
"Okay, now Tori, uhhh…"
Andre trailed off, but it was clear he wasn't just taking the time to think. He was hesitating, and Tori's heart started beating fast.
"What? Is my song really bad?"
"No, no! Not at all. It's really good."
The two were in a practice room, by permission of the songwriting teacher who had praised Tori's previous work upon meeting her. Andre was undeniably the best songwriter in the school, and the most talented with music theory and instruments; he would fit into the music business picture seamlessly after graduating. The teacher thought it might be easier for Tori to be reintroduced to songwriting if she had some one on one time with her close friend who she had worked with frequently in the past, without the pressure of other people's work all around her in the regular classroom.
"It's just, uh. Really personal, so if this gets to be too much, you know… I understand if you need a minute."
She wasn't nervous before, but she was now. "Alright, well. Let's get this over with," she spoke softly while pulling the pair of headphones over her ears.
Andre didn't say anything more. He loaded up the session on his laptop and clicked play, and stared silently at the floor while Tori listened. It started with piano and other soft electronic instruments in the background.
I would've never predicted this
I've never been more happy to be wrong
You tried to tell me to give it up
But I've known what you needed all along
You try to hide from everyone
But I've seen you without your armor
I've watched you grow and screamed your name at every show
And maybe it's time that you know
I never felt a fire until you
I'm up in flames and you're the gasoline
You're like a fever, but I can't break it
I can't break the way I burn for you
"Okay, alright-" Tori choked on her words as she took the headphones off. Not only did she have the lyrics to be overwhelmed about, but those vocals… can I really sing like that? What the fuck?
Andre hit pause and carefully turned to Tori again. "Yeah, that's why I warned you."
Her mouth hung open as her heart broke. If she felt this way about somebody , she wants to know. But she doesn't want to know, because she's not that Tori anymore. She can't just magically develop feelings for someone that she had before. Even worse, it could be a complete one sided attraction and she was never meant to be with this person.
"Um, yeah, I think I need a minute. I'm just gonna, umm… go to the bathroom I guess-"
Andre's heart began to race as guilt swelled his head. "I'm so sorry, Tori-"
"No! No. It's okay…" her voice grew quieter as she inched toward the door. He watched her back turn as she quickly exited the room.
Today 11:38 AM
hey, can you meet me at my locker?
Jade had been waiting for this moment all day. She had never once in her life felt so wanted.
Of course, gimme a min.
Tori was already there, clenching her phone to her chest and taking deep breaths. Please, be quick. Her breathing was becoming irregular, manual. She was already breaking into a sweat, and her brisk walk from class to her locker felt more like a 5k, at least that's what her exhaustion was telling her. Her eyes became fixed on some lights on the ceiling, something about the pain of her eyes burning and tearing up was relieving, just something else to feel instead of panic and isolation.
Jade appeared around the corner, her footsteps loud prior to her arrival. "Hey, what's going on?" She offered with a soft voice.
"I knew it was going to be the hardest part of the day. The songwriting class," Tori began. She faced Jade, whose lips were slightly parted, her eyes wide. She longed to be the cure to Tori's upset, but unfortunately, she had never seen Tori in a state like this. She'd seen the brunette undoubtedly embarrassed and humiliated, but never fearful and stunned like this. She shook her hands as a nervous laugh escaped her lips.
"I-I um, listened to a song that I wrote apparently the day before the accident, and… I don't know, it was such a weird consciousness that I haven't really thought about yet. The past two weeks have been trying to dig up my past from the beginning, you know, go back as far to 2011 as I possibly could, and learn everything from where I 'left off'... but that song, Jesus it was so weird because that was so recent ! " She finally broke crying, after her words were barely audible with high pitched utterances.
Jade slowly stepped closer after placing her coffee cup on the floor. Tori's eyes followed the movement, fixating on the lipstick stain on the lid of the cup. It was a subtle matte color, the perfect shade of pastel pink that was just tinted enough to define Jade's lips a bit darker. "Do you want a hug?"
Tori nodded and immediately fell into Jade. It was heartbreaking to feel Tori shaking through a hug from sobs. Jade never would have guessed an experience like this, but moments like these called for it. And she held on for a long, long time. She held Tori until she could count seconds between her breaths, until she was filling her lungs with enough air again. It was involuntary when Jade's hand brushed down Tori's straightened hair. She had always wanted to do that, in one way or another. It made her smirk when she first saw the brunette this morning with pin straight hair, just like her first day at Hollywood Arts two years ago. Jade physically bit her tongue to stop herself from making a comment, avoiding potentially offending Tori.
"Come on," Jade pulled away, and brushed a lock of Tori's hair out of her face. "Let's go somewhere more private, you can tell me more there. I don't want a teacher to catch us."
"Okay," Tori agreed, admiring Jade's stunning eyes once again. She glanced at the lipstick on the coffee cup lid again as Jade's turned to pick the cup back up.
"Hold out your wrist," the fair skinned girl smirked, causing Tori's heart to skip a beat.
She figured it was useless to question it, knowing Jade was currently the friend she trusted most. She did as she was told.
Jade softly wrapped her fingers around Tori's wrist and dragged her a few feet away to a door. She smelled old paint, shitty surface cleaners, dirty laundry, and several other unpleasant smells as her friend opened the door.
Jade smiled at Tori's scowl. "A janitor's closet?"
"Yeah! More popular of a hideout spot than you'd expect."
Tori's face was already warm from crying before, but she felt as though she was blushing at Jade's expression. "But, at school, aren't closets where people… you know…" Do sexual things? Tori thought as she was unable to finish the sentence out loud. Her entire body was screaming as Jade's stare continued to make her panic. Something in her actually liked it.
Jade simply scoffed, breaking the deafening silence that suffocated Tori. "Nah, people just go on the roof to smoke."
Tori's lips pressed together as she drowned in her own embarrassment. Why would your mind even go there, what is wrong with you?
Tori looked around for a moment, trying to bring her mind back to reality. She wondered how many times she had been here before. "Um, alright."
"So, tell me more about your day. Who have you met so far?" Jade sat down on a bucket, causing Tori to softly laugh at her oddly comfortable state.
The brunette remained standing, but leaned on a storage box behind her. "Umm… this weird, curly haired kid-"
"Sinjin," Jade concluded with a lip pout. "How'd that go?"
"He was okay. I mean, weird, sure. I wasn't sad when we stopped talking. He's in my French class-"
"Oh God," Jade groaned and rolled her eyes. The way she tilted her head back made Tori's stomach flip. Her defined jawline, the way the muscles in her neck moved - the sight made Tori feel unexpectedly… good.
"Sinjin has failed that class every semester on purpose just to meet new girls there."
Tori raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "But… why French class? Why not meet girls, you know, anywhere else?"
Jade shrugged. "Couldn't tell ya. Who else?"
Tori scowled as she thought. "No one new. Andre, Beck, and Cat walked me to class this morning."
Jade regretted that she wasn't there too, but she didn't want to be around to witness Beck's first interaction with Tori after the hospital. She was secretly dreading lunch, and the thought of Tori falling for him was undoubtedly her biggest fear at the moment. "Oh, that's nice of them. How have your other classes been?"
Tori sighed, brushing her hair behind her shoulders and rolling her neck a bit. "Awkward. Boring, but fine. Is it hot in here?" She asked with a nervous laugh.
Jade's eyes glanced down at Tori's fingers as they unbuttoned the top button on her shirt. Don't fucking stare. "No, I'm okay." But I won't be if you undo another button.
"I can't shake this panicky feeling," Tori's voice was still short of breath.
"How can I help?"
"I don't know, like I want to go home but I'll never manage school if I just run away from it and don't deal with it. I can't stop thinking about that song and how I sounded while singing it. I've never felt anything like that, and I don't think I could just suddenly sing like that again now? Like what if I'm not the miracle story everyone wants me to be who is just as good at singing now than she was before and just hits the ground running after recovery and-"
Jade closed her eyes and nodded, causing Tori to stop the words from spilling out of her mouth. "Sorry."
"Don't apologize," Jade said softly. She just wanted to hold her hurting friend, like she wanted to hold her at her house the other day. That feeling seemed to never go away. "Just take a deep breath with me."
Tori did. She stretched her hands behind her head, not even noticing when the second button down on her shirt snapped open. Ironically, as Jade was helping Tori through a panic attack, her own heart rate continued to rise. Tori was never one to wear a black cami under a denim button down, why now? Is she trying to kill me?
"Okay. Now what?"
Jade's question was blunt, confusing the brunette. "Um, what? I don't know."
"Well, you stated these feelings and problems you're having. What's the solution?"
"There's like seventeen problems, I don't know which one to start at-" Tori began, fixing her hair again. She knew she was fidgeting, but Jade's stillness was somehow grounding even if she couldn't achieve the same.
"Okay, let's pick one. Just one. We can fix it the best we can. What's the biggest thing that's happened today that would take some of the weight off?"
This isn't fair. Jade shouldn't be playing therapist with me, I don't deserve it and she deserves better than dealing with me. "Uhhh… probably this singing thing. This song was so like, romantic it didn't even sound like me. I've never really been super into anyone the last I remembered. Other than Danny."
God fucking damn it. " Oh . You remember Danny?"
"Yup. All of it. Last I remember was a few months after I broke up with him."
Jade suddenly went silent. "Interesting."
Tori continued, already brushing the side topic off. "I mean, 'I cant break the way I burn for you,' what the fuck is that?"
Jade laughed at Tori swearing, something she never did before but she's glad it's happening now. "I don't know, it's an assignment for a class. Maybe it's not super personal at all, you were just writing for a prompt and that's what you came up with. I could have been based on Gossip Girl for all you know." She was surprised at her own spontaneous suggestion, wondering if it was truly an attempt to comfort Tori, or if it was more for herself.
Tori scowled, her nose scrunching a bit. Jade reminded herself to keep her eyes on Tori's face, not the new skin revealed under the newly undone buttons. "Oh. That's very true."
"See? Problem solved. Well, maybe not perfectly. But somewhat resolved, anyway. That's called de-escalating. When we're overwhelmed, or struggling with anxiety, we tend to immediately think of the worst possible outcomes-"
The brunette interrupted her friend's words with a laugh. "Yeah…"
"What helps me is if I just think the opposite of everything I'm worried about. 'What if this song is super personal? What is this about?' can be turned into, 'What if it's not personal?'"
"Right... and even if it is, I can just come up with some explanation that fits my life currently. Or maybe it's based on Gossip Girl ," Tori laughed again.
Jade smiled, appreciative of Tori's open mindedness. She is so brave, it's incredible.
"Okay, one down. We can keep going if you want, I'm perfectly fine with skipping my whole history class," Jade offered, standing from the bucket.
Tori slouched upon realizing she should get back to class so Andre wasn't worrying. "Thank you, I should get back to class though. Andre's probably freaked out right now."
Jade's eyes widened. "Oh yeah, go, he definitely is."
Tori picked up her bag and looked up at Jade once more with a warm smile on her face. "Thank you so much. Hug?"
The way Tori held her arms out waiting for the embrace made Jade's heart erupt. She looked forward to learning more signature Tori-isms that would surface, things she always did and continued to do in the same way as before. It was so special to Jade that she needed to hold back tears until Tori left the closet.
Jade was alone again. She thought of all of the things she didn't get a chance to say to Tori. She couldn't just overwhelm her with past stories and try to use the past to prove to Tori how great she was, and is. The memories are important, but her self worth wasn't going to be rebuilt solely on those stories. That's a lot of pressure to live up to when you're lost at sea navigating your own lost identity.
You're easily one of the top five best singers at this school. You'll easily blow up as a musician someday, for some reason you haven't started a YouTube channel but when you do, you're going to just fly away.
You will sing like that again. I bet you'll surprise yourself, and I know it feels scary but imagine how freeing it will feel when you learn your passion again.
You were made to be a performer, and you're becoming an amazing songwriter. You're learning piano too, and developing your own soft yet powerful sound.
You're absolutely captivating when you perform. It takes my breath away every single time.
The door opened, and a janitor stared at the girl sitting and staring at the floor.
"Shouldn't you be in class?"
Jade looked up at the man, unbothered. "I guess. Did you change the lock on Tori's locker yet?"
"No," he grunted.
Jade grabbed the man's shirt collar and inched in. "Do it," she hissed before storming out.
"Alright, I'm back," Tori exhaled as she sat down in her seat again.
Andre startled at her hand on his shoulder as he was lost in the music through his headphones. "Oh, great! Did you um, want to keep listening?"
Tori took a deep breath while nodding. "Sure."
He smiled before turning back to the mix and pressing 'play'.
I keep hearing your voice
In my head when I go to sleep
And I'm still holding on
All your words are mine to keep
You tell me how I'm crazy
This time, I think you're right
Why's the one that makes me mad
The same one who keeps me up at night
I never felt a fire until you
I'm up in flames and you're the gasoline
You're like a fever, but I can't break it
I can't break the way I burn for you
The music stopped rather abruptly, causing Tori's anticipation to deflate. "Aw, that's it?"
"Well, that's what we have so far! Well, what you had."
"Wait, I thought we wrote all our stuff together?"
Andre laughed and rubbed his hands together. "Well, originally it was supposed to be everyone writing their own songs. Yours happened to be something I ended up helping with, because we were talking about stuff and you wanted to change what yours was about. I just helped you edit some things."
Tori winced. "I'm not one of those annoyingly dependent classmates, am I?"
"No no no! We just work really well together. It happened naturally, I was willing, I promise. Anyway, now I'm kind of going to help you through this year, because well, you know."
"Right," she sighed. "Okay, well do you know what I wrote this about?"
Andre was already prepared to answer this question as smoothly and falsely as possible. "Nah, why?" For once he had pulled off a lie. Maybe.
Tori scowled and slouched. "Oh, I thought maybe you would have. Anyway, it doesn't really matter."
He was stunned. "Wait, it doesn't?"
She shrugged. "I mean, whoever it was about probably never knew I felt this way. I'm not good at expressing my romantic feelings, I get too scared about losing that person."
Andre was fighting every urge to agree with that statement.
"Maybe it's best if it just stays in the past. If it becomes relevant and I somehow connect to it later on, that's cool too."
"Damn Tori, why you always gotta be so smart? It would be killing me to not understand something I had written."
She smiled and looked down to her hands. "Oh it was before, that's why I practically ran out of the room. But Jade helped me through it."
Her friend's eyes widened in shock. Well that's ironic.