A/N: I'm back! Went to Jasper for the weekend.. as always.. and it was fun! As always :) But didn't have a chance to write.. or update.. so.. here it is.

Alori: Thanks for the explanation! My story itself is a little bit unrealistic.. yeah..-and proud of it- but I try to let Lona react the same way as I would in real life.. even though I'm not quite sure I would react so calm if someone would use my boyfriend as a boxing ball :D Oh.. and I corrected the mistake in Chapter 4 :) TY!

Nicole: I liked the bathroom scene too.. Jasper didn't.. well.. he didn't like the idea of Jack being naked and me standing there in the same room.. he doesn't seem to get that this is fiction.. bless him :) He's so friggin' cute sometimes

Chapter 5: Killer Coke

Waiting.. bored.. What's keeping that guy? It's been over 15 minutes since he left to get Jack some shoes to try on. Jasper is standing in front of a mirror, examining his bruised eye. The poor guy.
"Y'know.. I could tell the guys at school I was in a fight with at least a dozen very big men, and I kept them at bay all alone"
"Sure.. you could tell them that.. and who knows? Perhaps they'll believe you.. and perhaps.. someday.. pigs will fly" With a wink I give him a hug.

Finally the shopkeeper comes back, carrying five shoe boxes.
"If the sir would be so kind to try these on? They should fit your description rather well, Miss"
"Well Jack, go ahead.." Jack.. where's Jack? He was here just a minute ago.. oh no.. the cash register! Never leave a pirate alone with money! Terrified of what I might see, I carefully glance over my shoulder at the counter.. Nope.. no Jack.
"Jack? Where are you?"

"Over 'ere!" From somewhere near the ladies shoes I hear his voice calling out.
Working my way through the shopping crowd I finally reach Jack..

He's regarding himself in one of the mirrors, wearing a pair of woman cowboy boots. Yuck.
"Jack.. they look disgusting"
"Yeah.. I know.. can I have them?

The boots are a filthy looking colour brown, with all sorts of doodles and thingies.. a flower pattern embroidered on the nose.. in short: Icky.

"You want these?"
"Yeah.. I like them"
Frowning I look down at the boots again.. he likes them.. this man has a very strange taste..
"Are you sure Jack? I mean.. they áre woman boots.. and that nice man has gone over all this trouble to find you some nice shoes.."
Jack simply shrugs
"Don't want them.. I like these.. and that man isn't nice.. and how can shoes be nice? They don't talk or act"

Sigh.. and people say woman are a tough crowd when it comes to shopping.

"If you say so Jack"
I take the price tag to the counter and give the shopkeeper an apologizing smile
"I'm so sorry for the inconvenience, but my friend decided he wants these boots"
At first the man looks annoyed.. until he scans the tag.. a beaming smile appears on his face.
"No problem Miss, no problem at all.. now.. will that be cash, cheque or PIN?"

-gulp- 300 euro? That bloody, stinking pirate sure knows his shoes.
"Erhm.. PIN please"

A few moments later we walk out of the store.. Jack is trotting along happily on his new boots. I wonder if the embroidering is made of gold or something.. 300 bucks.. jeez.
We spent the rest of the afternoon in several men's wear stores, and I've got to say.. apart from the boots.. Jack looks great. Too bad he refuses to go to a barbershop.

"No! My stay here is temporary! I will not.. I repeat.. I will NOT let anyone do anything to my hair!"
"But Jack.."
"Lona, give the man a break.. you've given him a total makeover.. let him keep his hair for cryin' out loud"
Jasper sighs
"But.. I.."
"No!" Jack is looking frustrated and keeps his hand protectively on his hair
"Oh alright" I grumble. "Let's go get something to eat.. I'm starving.."

Jack glares at me.. not entirely trusting me for giving in after a mere 20 minutes of arguing.
"You're not going to press this matter?"
"What matter?"

Confused Jack looks at Jasper
"What's she up to?"
He just shrugs "Don't know.. Lona.. you're acting strange.. you don't normally give in that fast.. what's wrong?"

Argh.. why is it that everyone keeps thinking I'm up to some evil scheme or something? I mean.. that only happens 9 out of 10 times.. this could easily be the 10th time.. right?

"Nothing is wrong.. why should anything be wrong? Look.. we can eat something here"
"What? This isn't a tavern" Jack looks around even more confused. "This looks like one of those shoe stores"

"Well.. frankly.. it is.. but this one has a restaurant at the top floor.. "
The three of us take a seat at a window view table and I take a glance at the menu card.
"That'll be fries and salad for me.. what do you want Japs?"
"Pizza!" Right.. how could I forget?
"Jack?"
"Rum!"
"Something to eat Jack.. and they don't sell beverages with that many alcohol in it here"
"Stew?"
"You know what.. I'll order something for you.."

After a little while the waitress brings our food.. yay! Food! Fries with salad and gypsy sauce for me, pizza Bolognese for Japs and a Croque Monsieur for Jack. And 3 glasses of coke.

"So.. what's our next plan of action?"
I swallow the fries and shrug "Haven't got the faintest idea.. I guess there isn't much to do.. we just have to hide Jack until they've stopped searching him.. I think"
Jasper nibbles on a slice of pizza, staring ahead of him in thought "But.. we're in the future.. how can they forget about him if he stays here long enough.. if he goes back.. won't he come back in exactly the same time and space as when he left?"

Huh? Come again?
"BLOODY HELL! POISON! AGAIN!" Jack suddenly jumps up from his chair, after drinking a little of his cola. Spraying the stuff in our faces.
"Jack! Calm down! What's wrong?" Jasper pushes Jack back down on his chair.
"What is this stuff? There's something in it that tried to eat my tongue! I could feel it skittering and popping an' bubbling in me mouth!"

Carefully I pick up Jack's glass and examine it, dipping my finger in it, tasting it, sniffing it.. attempting to look through it.
"There's nothing wrong with it.. it's just.. cola.."
"Nothing' wrong with it? It almost sizzled a freakin' hole in my mouth!"
"Stop exaggerating Jack"
"I'm not!"
Jasper is looking at the drinks.. obviously thinking about something.

"It's a vile drink! Even more vile than rum.. at least rum won't kill ya! Well.. not so quickly anyway"
"You're still alive, it didn't kill you! Nor did it kill me or Jasper!"
"Lona.. do you remember the first time you ever had cola?"
"No"
Jasper glares at me
"What? I really can't remember! I was a young soft drink addict.. so sue me!"
"Maybe some day I will.. but anyway.. my point being.. the very first time a child drinks this stuff.."
"Are you callin' me a baby now mate?"
"Shut up.. the first time it'll hurt a little on the tongue.. the bubbles? Remember?"

"Yeah.. I think I can remember my little nephew crying the first time he drank it.. but.. after the first gulp he was alright.. even laughed because it tickled his mouth from the inside.. stupid kid.. so that means Jack's a very big baby?"
"Am not!"
"Well.. perhaps.. he's just a little sensitive"
"AM NOT!"
"Try it again.. please? For me?"
"For you? After you called me a baby? Don't think so luv"
Of all the stupid, arrogant.. grrr
"So. prove it then.. prove you're not a baby!"
Jack glares at me.. grabs the glass and downs it all in one go. Wow.. Impressive.. Even I won't do that..
"And? Still think it's eating your mouth away?"
"grnrnrrfff" Jack is making swallowing noises.. and looks a bit bloated..
Erhm.. perhaps something went wrong.. Jack is clutching his stomach.. and suddenly lets out this huge belch.. which I won't repeat here.. due to young readers whose precious little minds I do not wish to corrupt.. or something like that..

"Ahem.. right.."
"Yeah.."
"That was great! Rum won't do that to you! Bartender! Another round!"
"NO!"
"NO!"
"Just.. eat your food Jack" at least he won't have troubles with the tosti.(Croque Monsieur.. or whatever you not Dutch people call it)

So much for my appetite.. staring at my fries I hear Jasper gasp.. and hear Jack gobbling something down besides me.. gobbling down? You can't gobble down bread. Well.. normal people don't gobble down bread.

I look at Jack.. and can't help myself.. I start laughing really loud.
"This I like.. a good, sturdy soup"

Right.. remember that sauce I mentioned that came with my fries? Gypsy? Jack thinks it's soup, and he's drinking it all down now.. without a spoon.. just.. the bowl at his lips.. and go.. I guess you should've seen it.. I can.. and it's a stunning sight.
Clearing his throat, Jasper taps Jack on the shoulder
"You don't want to be doing that.. I'm sure"
"Why not? You try it.. it's great.. a bit on the sweet side.. but still, I've had worse"
Glaring angrily at me.. for still not being able to talk.. because I'm almost under the table from laughing, Jasper tries desperately to pry the bowl from Jack fingers.. and fails miserably
"Because Jack.. that isn't soup.. erhm. how do I explain this.. "

Well.. after five more minutes, Jasper finally convinces Jack to stop slobbering down the sauce. At least.. that's what Jasper likes to think. The fact that the bowl was empty is something that comes in second place apparently. For some silly reason the waitress asked us, very impolitely, if we would please leave because we were embarrassing the other guests. Pssh.. the nerve of some people.

Let's head back for the car.

And another chapter done :) I am thinking about doing a parody on a Mary Sue.. in POTC I mean.. but I'll get back on that one later (I've still got 3 other stories to finish.. and 1 story I want to rewrite.. so.. busy.. but.. writers block on those stories.. bad me)