A/N: WARNING - NSFW content ahead!

Sorry for such a long wait. Hope you enjoy!

Jade had doubted Tori's friendship before, but never in a way where she thought that Tori wasn't genuine with her affection. It was more of a worry that Jade wasn't deserving of it, and knowing that from the start, Jade kept pushing the other away. Why let Tori learn all the reasons her friend isn't worthy of love when you can just create your own and make it easier?

Something changed in Jade after talking to Tori about her song for the second time. She couldn't shake this dreaded feeling that it was about Beck. And for the first time, Jade was seriously considering the idea of Tori befriending Jade in the first place to get close to him. You know, 'the mean girl loses her nice boyfriend to the nice girl that Jade is clearly jealous of' is predictable. The problem within the friend group was that no one realized that it was actually Tori that Jade wanted. Maybe not at the very beginning, but not too long after getting to know how selfless she was. There was a period of time toward the end of Jade's relationship with Beck that she realized now, she only stayed with him so he couldn't get to Tori. If her ex-boyfriend was going to move on to the girl she was into, she would never be able to live with that.

Although it horrified her at first, she has appreciated the time she has been single. Of course, the feelings for Tori never diminished, but it was much easier to admit that she was truly into Tori while she wasn't forcing something with Beck just so he couldn't steal Tori. It was easier to admit that her jealousy issues stemmed from the fear of abandonment, and well, the source of that was pretty obviously caused by both of her parents in their own respective ways. It was difficult for Jade to come to terms with this connection to her family until the 'abandonment' with Beck actually happened. And Jade survived. She will survive when Tori leaves her, too. And although she would likely never call Tori hers, it would probably be one of the biggest losses Jade will ever have to experience.

"I can hear that storm in your head from across the room, dear."

Jade tensed at the endearment her mother used with her. Dani had been cutting vegetables for the stir fry Jade was preparing rice for.

"I'm fine," the young girl mumbled, planning on using the steam from the pot as an excuse as to why her eyes were burning.

Dani sighed and rinsed her hands in the sink before nearing her daughter carefully. Jade wouldn't turn or acknowledge the other, causing her to speak. "Come on, I'm here for you. I want you to tell me what's going on. Don't carry everything yourself."

Quite impressive, Jade thought, remembering how carrying everything was exactly what burdened her from sixth to ninth grade. "Um, I just. Haven't really talked to you about this before…"

Her mom's heart sank, fearing what things Jade could have done to harm herself this time. "What happened?"

Jade scoffed and continued to stir the rice that didn't need stirring. "Jade, just put the lid on the pot and talk to me."

She did as she was told, and her eyes finally met Dani's. "I've um, I have told you that I like guys, and girls but it was weird and you thought I'd grow out of it but you weren't really mad, type of thing? Remember that?"

Jade watched as her mom's eyes shut as her chest rose and fell. "Yes. I'm sorry, Jade. I didn't mean to-"

"Oh, I don't care how that made you feel or if you accept it or whatever-"

"But I do! I really do, I didn't mean-"

"Okay, point taken," Jade laughed. "That's not what's bothering me. We can move past that, it's not a big deal."

Dani was confused, but nodded and continued to listen. Jade's fingers slipped into the front pockets of her jeans. "I just never told you how I found this out…"

"Did you kiss… a girl?"

Goddamn it. Just say no, you can't tell her you kissed Cat, and then proceed to tell her about your feelings for Tori. "No," Jade laughed nervously.

"Do you like a girl?"

"Take a wild guess who," Jade smirked. It was new and refreshing to see her mom in a similar state of anticipation, exactly how she would be if they were talking about boys.

Dani folded her arms and truly pondered for a few moments. Jade scowled as she wondered who the hell her mom thought she talked to other than Cat, Tori, Andre, and sometimes Beck. "Come on, it's not that hard!"

"I mean, I don't know, I would think Cat maybe but then she really doesn't strike me as the, uh, the type. And you apparently hate Tori-"

"No, no! I don't! I thought we talked about this," Jade laughed and met eyes with her mom again. It was at that moment that Dani connected the dots.

"Jade… you like Tori?"

"I know. I know how bad it sounds, but it's been like months. Over a year, actually. Way before the accident."

"And you never told her?"

Jade turned away again and brought her mind right back to where it was when she was preparing the pot of rice. "No. She's too important to me, I didn't want to lose her."

Dani's heart broke in half. She was continually surprised with how in touch Jade was with her emotions lately, not that it makes anything she was going through easier. "I'm so sorry, kiddo."

"Don't be. I just have to get over it."

"Unfortunately, you can't decide what your heart wants. If it's meant to be, it will be."

Jade groaned. "I hate that saying."

"It's true!"

Dani quickly returned to her cutting board and met Jade back at the stove to place the vegetables in the heated pan. Her daughter was silent again, so she spoke up as she knew Jade was never a girl of few words. "So, will you ever tell her?"

Jade sighed. "Well, I don't know, mom. She told me literally the night before the accident that she likes girls, too-"

"What?!"

"I know, I know. But, she doesn't remember. And if anything, I'd guess that most of her experiences to lead her to that feeling have been forgotten. So it's like, now what? She might never feel that same way again. I'm not exactly sure how traumatic brain injury affects someone's sexual orientation."

Dani could hardly process everything Jade was sharing with her. The situation was hardly believable, and she couldn't imagine what Tori must be going through. The thought of Jade being in her friend's shoes instead had haunted Dani, and maybe it was a good thing if these two don't end up together. That would be a lot for Jade to take on, and she has enough on her plate as it is.

"She told you herself?" A certain tone rising in Dani.

"Yeah," Jade raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Well, in what kind of context?"

Jade paused for a moment as Tori's face projected in her mind. It was the moment she told Jade something she would never forget. "Well I mean, I told her first, about me. And then she kind of just said it too. We were practicing for the play at school-"

"What kind of play are you doing where this would relate?" Dani was amused at first, only to be sobered by Jade's blunt response.

"A play about a gay student who gets brutally murdered by homophobic asshats."

Dani cleared her throat. "Jesus, 'Steamboat Suzy' to this shit? Sikowitz really is unpredictable."

"Anyway," Jade said through a scoff. "She was just really nervous about it all. But she'd never feel that way about me. I'm scary and weird, I've tortured her too many times for her to have any capacity for romantic feelings toward me."

Dani couldn't argue with that one. "This is why you should just be civil with people, Jade," she groaned.

"I know! I couldn't help it. I just... wanted her to hate me so I didn't have to see her like me and then inevitably begin to hate me because I'm shit."

Dani lightly punched Jade's shoulder. "You're not shit! Stop!"

"What do you mean? I'm literally shit."

"And I'm literally going to kick your ass if you say that again," Dani matched her attitude and tone of voice to her daughter's.

Jade smirked, imagining Tori saying those words to her instead of her mom. "Fine. It's true though."

"Jaaade," Dani cautioned.

"Alright, I'll stop," Jade laughed and returned to sit at the counter. She took a sip of water and glanced out the window, wondering what had changed Dani's mind about bisexuality being just a stepping stone to being just gay or a lesbian like she had said a year and a half ago.

"You know, when you first told me you were bi, I wasn't mad at you."

The younger girl crossed her arms. "You said, and I quote, 'So that damn arts school is already feeding you liberal bullshit.'"

Dani blushed. "You know I was dating Kyle at the time-"

"Oh, I know exactly where the liberal slander came from. But you still said it," Jade glared at the other.

Her mom's eyes fell again as she accepted her fault. "I know. I'm sorry. I was just scared. I hadn't known anything else other than how I was raised."

"Which isn't the only way," Jade argued with narrowing eyes.

"I know it's not. I was just scared and shocked. I didn't know how to handle it. Moreover, I selfishly thought of what everyone would think of me as a mother if they knew. If everyone would think my daughter was broken or messed up because of me, because of what the divorce might have done to you or still be doing to you-"

Dani began to cry as Jade stiffened in her chair. She had watched her mom blame her dad for the entire divorce for years as if she wasn't part of the overall problem in many ways herself. While it wasn't the perfect execution, comparing being gay to being messed up or broken, Jade saw where her mom was coming from. Not in a literal way, she just knew that tons of parents have the immediate worry of "what did I do wrong to my child for them to turn out like this?' Surprisingly, this was the first time Jade was witnessing Dani showing any signs of remorse regarding how it affected her daughter.

Jade's face softened a bit, causing Dani to feel more comfortable to continue. "Anyway, my therapist kind of put it best. Parents can only teach how a good partner should treat their children, but whoever that person may end up being doesn't matter. Doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman, or any individual; it's out of my control, and you will eventually find who suits you best."

Why did crying always have to happen so goddamn much when Dani was home? At least this time around, it was happy crying. "Wow, that's… I'm surprised."

"It wasn't easy, Sheila could tell you how stubborn I was with it," her mom laughed. "But, you hear more about this in day-to-day life too, and even that just helps me to realize that it's not something so foreign or scary, it just is. And it's your life, not mine."

Jade smirked as she wiped a tear from her eye. "I'm sorry, can you just say that one more time?"

Dani tossed her long black hair over her shoulder and stuck her nose in the air. "You heard me."

"Say it again!" Jade yelled, a smile still spreading across her face.

Her mom sighed and returned to a relaxed position. "It's your life, not mine," she muttered.

Jade clapped her hands together and stretched them above her head. "Ugh, BEAUTIFUL. Best thing you've ever said to me, mom. Hands down."

Dani's mouth fell open in shock. "What! Not even my long soliloquy?"

"Nope. Hearing you proclaim my freedom was the best thing I've heard in a long time," Jade beamed with satisfaction.

"Yeah, yeah," her mom waved her hand dismissively. "Grab some silverware, would you?"

It was too late for Tori to be up, but the numbers on the clock would never be able to diminish Tori's curiosity to discover something new about who she used to be. Sleeping was a constant war. She can't fall asleep until it is no longer physically possible to keep her eyes open, and once it's time to wake up, the world outside of her bed feels daunting, and worthless even.

She opened the Safari app on her phone, about to search "how to fall asleep easier" when she noticed a small book-looking icon at the bottom of her screen that she hadn't noticed before. She tapped it and rubbed her eyes before fixing them on the small print again.

Web browser history. Jackpot.

Lorde ribs lyrics

a world alone Lorde lyrics

Lorde live

the laramie project script

the laramie project summary

the laramie project characters

theslap

weatherman dead sara music video

nozu phone

hide and seek imogen heap lyrics

hide and seek imogen heap chords

theslap

cheerleader st vincent

Lorde, I know from the last few weeks and her song constantly on the radio. This Imogen Heap song takes me back to awful middle school days. Why the hell would I listen to this a few weeks ago? Dead Sara?...

Tori hesitantly clicked on the link and scowled immediately at the music. I would never listen to this. What the fuck? I mean… it's not bad, it's kind of cool. Who would have even shown me this?

She closed Safari and opened Messages again.

Today, 10:58 PM

do you know the band Dead Sara?

No, I think that's something Jade likes. Why?

going thru my browser history. it's weird :O

I bet. Go to sleep, your browser history will still be there tomorrow.

:P night!

Tori nestled into her pillows and opened Safari again. Okay, where were we…

yoga mats amazon

Pornhub

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No. No. No, no, no. Nope. Oh no.

Really, Tori? Really? Who are you?!

Do I click?... What kind of… Alright, I'll click it.

Oh… that's what THAT looks like? Weird.

Ew, why would she do that? I never want to do that.

Is she actually enjoying that?

Why is she so loud…

Oh, God. The gagging… he's… he's- oh wow, that's too much.

WHO IS TAPING THIS?

Why is he doing that?

Oh, oh… I see…

Doesn't that hurt? I can't believe I'm watching this.

This is… my new first time watching porn but I already have before? Like, I willingly searched this. Tori, you freak.

God, he's so rude why is he hitting her? Why does she likeit?

Do they really have to be saying things? I'm so uncomfortable.

Deciding she had seen enough, she hit the back button and took a deep breath. Okay, maybe you'll enjoy that someday. You probably will. Today is not that day.

She continued down the history list.

movie times at highland

am i in love quiz

Tori locked her phone immediately at the sight of the last search she read. Well, clearly you were.

Should I look? No. Maybe. Maybe the results will still be there.

But if I look and the results say yes, I already know that. Clearly, there was somebody.

She wished this wasn't what she was focused on. There were a million other things to struggle with regarding her situation, basically, every aspect of her future was going to be different now because of it. Why is this immediate thing so important? Am I still subconsciously "still" heartbroken from Danny and feel like I need some sort of attention or validation? Oh, that kind of makes sense…

Tori decided to unlock the phone and scroll back down. The seconds it took for the quiz to load felt like hours, and once a screen showed up to begin the quiz all over, Tori sighed with disappointment and returned to the history page.

So you're in love and watch porn. So much for trying to find Jesus again.

And right before the quiz in Tori's search history was:

jennifer's body megan fox amanda seyfried kiss

Tori's pounding heart jumped to her throat as this memory resurfaced. It came from a time in Tori's life long before the accident. It was at this moment that she realized her parents had a horrible idea of getting her first laptop for her when she was only in 7th grade. It wasn't long before she discovered explicit content on the internet, and for some reason, she always stumbled upon this particular video. It was probably her fascination with watching "how to kiss" videos, you know, just in case she had that opportunity since middle schoolers start kissing at that age, right?

However, every single "tutorial" led to an extremely graphic display of french kissing somehow, but at that point, Tori couldn't help but look away and continued to look deeper into the world of kissing. Click after click through YouTube, one day this video came up from the movie Jennifer's Body . Tori had never even seen the movie, but she was sure it was impossible to count on her fingers how many times she had watched this scene.

Whoever Megan Fox's character was, Tori believed that she was supposed to be suspicious or untrustworthy. Of course, that was a bonus for Tori who had always been drawn to people on the dark and mysterious side. Women were simply much more beautiful to Tori than men were, not that men weren't attractive, but watching women kiss and be gentle and smooth made Tori feel things that she hadn't realized existed before. She always assumed this was a normal feeling for girls to have.

This swelling, almost aching feeling between her legs made her cross one thigh over another as the beginning shots of the scene uncovered themselves in Tori's memory. The sensation was almost unbearable as she pressed her knees together just to feel some relief. But that wasn't enough, so her hand moved to the place that begged for attention.

Toric currently didn't quite know how masturbation works. She tried around the time she was with Danny, but never figured it out. Who knows what has happened in the last two years and if she ever made any progress? She had read a lot about it online in her past. From that, she learned that you're supposed to be able to make yourself orgasm which seemed impossible. She remembered how she could make herself feel incredibly good, but all of the build-ups would stop abruptly and she never figured out why it kept happening. She was probably thinking about it too much, she had read somewhere that you need to focus on sensations rather than thoughts, and that being in your head can be too distracting or whatever.

Maybe this video will help with a few things.

Tori's mouth practically watered as she watched the character's tongues move against each other so slowly. She imagined what it felt like, having someone so eager to taste you, how warm it must feel to have someone else's breath against your own. She felt her face flushing as her fingers began to trace circles over the area she had read online was best for it.

She wasn't sure what was turning her on more, the visuals or just the sound. Even just the sounds of the kissing could cause her to practically feel it, like a ghost was there with its mouth on her neck as she lifted her chin in reaction to the pleasure she was giving herself.

The video ended, but she was just getting started and could feel pulsing at her center. She quickly replayed the video, bringing it back to the beginning again.

Faster.

It felt dangerous, whatever was happening inside of her. Almost like a panic, but definitely not something she wanted to stop feeling. The friction felt too good, but the faster her circling fingers worked, the more friction she wanted. She found that rocking her hips against her own hand definitely helped, as long as she wasn't making too much noise moving around in her bed. At times, she'd lose her place or accidentally move her hand just slightly and every built-up tense feeling would vanish completely. The second time it happened by accident, she whined a bit as she brought her hand to her forehead.

Although she knew she could have mastered this sometime in the last few years, she couldn't help but think: Tori Vega, the girl who never learned how to get herself off.

That fleeting, self-doubting thought had a consequence. Tori was frustrated now, and desperate to prove herself wrong.

Maybe I can't do this if my eyes are distracted. Maybe I can focus more if I close my eyes.

But I'm not supposed to focus, I'm just supposed to feel.

But how can I just 'feel' if I'm not focusing on how I feel?

Oh my God, just do something.

She put her phone on her nightstand and quickly returned to the place she had left off. She was contemplating slipping her fingers inside herself, but that was another territory she wasn't ready to explore yet. Plus, all of the articles on masturbation state that clitoral stimulation gives women orgasms much more often than vaginal stimulation.

So glad I can't remember any of my best friends, but I can remember some teenage bullshit company's take on masturbation from three years ago.

Stop thinking about it. Just keep going.

After some exploration, she found the sweet spot again. She questioned doing this at all, wondering why this was such a prominent part of people's lives when they grow older. I mean, she understood it's fun, but it's such an awkward thing to learn and practice and actually feel comfortable doing, isn't it? Maybe I shouldn't feel that way… there's probably something wrong with me.

It felt awkward doing it herself. This is an experience that is supposed to be shared with someone else, but she was the furthest from a possibility of this happening with someone else as she possibly could be.

Shut up. Do this.

Tori closed her eyes as her hand continued at a quicker pace. Maybe I should change the motion… Nope, don't like that one, I'll stick with circles.

She wanted to imagine someone, thinking it might help, but who would that be? She hardly knows anyone. Might as well just envision the makeout scene she had just watched on her phone, right?

God, I wish I knew what someone's fingers tracing my back felt like…

Time stopped once Tori found a steady rhythm. She was confident something was working especially well this time when she realized she hadn't been allowing herself to breathe. With a shaky exhale, she slowed down again and licked her lips.

And then she sped up again and didn't slow down until she was finished. She was close and gasped for air when her hips lifted off the mattress as her senses heightened.

Fuck, don't stop. Fuck.

As she trembled, Tori's hand couldn't stop its motions although she realized she had finally achieved her goal. Although she knew it was probably the most cliche thing she could think, she thought of the feelings like fireworks erupting throughout her entire body. She could even practically see them even while her eyes were squeezed shut. Her body finally relaxed as warmth washed over her skin. She noticed how much sweat had beaded along her hairline when she realized her hand hadn't stopped. It was involuntary to keep her hand moving in the same motion even though the rest of her body had stopped. As it slowed down with the rest of her senses, she realized how successfully she had stayed quiet but amazed at the small whines that escaped her mouth along the way. She retraced every step she took, being sure to remember exactly what she did so she could do it again tomorrow night or maybe even tomorrow morning. It was undeniably incredible, and perhaps it would be her new favorite bedtime routine.

Okay, so that'swhy people like doing this so much.

The last time Tori remembered getting called down to an office in school was in ninth grade when her mom picked her up on April 23rd to get her braces off. This time, it was to speak to Lane.

She dreaded this moment. He would bring up college, ask how classes are going, she'd lie and say they're not as hard as she thought they would be when in reality homework is sucking up almost her entire life at home. And she doesn't even get a lot of homework, it just takes her a long time to complete because she's constantly distracted by herself.

And then college would come up, and she'd have to think about the adult future she dreaded when she had lost two of the best years of her life already. How many more was she going to lose to dissociation?

She timidly knocked on the door and Lane felt that sinking feeling in his stomach, the same one he felt when he first met with Tori at her home after the accident. He called for her to come in, and her timid entrance was an extreme contrast from her usual bubbly and outgoing self.

"How's it going?" He asked softly. Tori hardly heard the question when her eyes were studying the suspended chair from his ceiling.

"Uhm, your chair is… floating," she hesitated.

He smiled. "Yeah, I have one just like it at home, the swaying of it keeps me grounded."

That chair is the opposite of 'grounding' Tori thought to herself. She couldn't help the fact that h er mind was always running on puns. "Cool,' she sighed.

"Are things going well in school? Classwork going okay?"

Tori's shoulders already tensed. "For the most part."

Lane scowled. "What's the other part?"

She shrugged. "Um, it's just weird because I know I'm missing a lot of background information. I can tell everyone around me knows more than I do."

"Hmm," he thought and reached for his lotion bottle. "So, you feel like you're behind from the rest of your class?"

"Yeah, because, you know… I am," Tori didn't want to be rude, but it almost seemed like Lane had no idea how to talk to her like a human. She knew her situation was extreme, and he had probably never seen anything like it, but she didn't like sticking out in this awful and tragic way. "I just feel so stupid."

"You're not stupid," Lane said matter of factly. "What do you think would help relieve that feeling of being behind everyone else, or just make it maybe a little more bearable?"

Tori couldn't answer, the flowery smell of the lotion caught her attention. She had smelled it recently, one of the first days she had come back to school. Lane noticed as her eyes fixed on his hands while he was rubbing the lotion in. At first, he was concerned, but then her face relaxed as a small smile appeared on her face.

Magnolias. On the first day of school, Jade was wearing that. Tori remembered catching a whiff when Jade handed her the peppermint tea that morning.

"Sorry, sorry. I just recognized the scent of your lotion."

"No worries, do you have the same one?"

"No, um. A friend does though, I think."

Lane instantly knew. The only friend that's been here regularly so far this year is Jade.

"Bath and Body Works, which is weird because I usually hate their stuff," Lane chuckled.

"Yeah, me too. Well, I don't know what will help. I feel like I kind of just have to accept that it's how I'll feel this year. I mean, I cannot put three years of school into one, it's impossible."

Lane nodded. "Right, and you should be less hard on yourself for it. Nobody here is concerned with your prior academic achievements or what memory you have lost of them. We're here to set you up for the future you're most comfortable with."

There it is, the future comment.

Tori laughed nervously. "Is it bad that thinking about the future makes me want to crawl into a hole?"

Lane frowned. "No, I think that's a valid feeling to have considering everything."

The brunette nodded slowly and crossed her legs. "Yeah, I mean. I just don't want to be really annoying to all my friends and ask them obvious questions all the time."

"You don't want to be a burden," Lane put it in different words.

"Right, yeah, that's it," Tori's voice raised as the dots connected in her head. "Like, they're all supposed to be having fun, having a normal fun senior year of high school, and I'm like stuck in tenth grade and a basket case, it's so annoying," she finally began to tear up and pressed her palms into the couch to keep her posture upright. Her chest tightened as she held her breath to refrain from sobbing.

"Tori, it's okay-"

"No, nothing's okay, clearly nothing is okay!"

She collapsed into herself, bringing both hands to her face with tears running down her face. Lane was stunned, having never seen Tori cry let alone sob. He took a deep breath and kept composure.

"Hey, honey… look at me."

Tori didn't want to, but she collected herself in a few seconds and lifted her head. He was clearly devastated, which only inflated her guilt.

"Your friends love you. They love that you're here with us, and they love being there for you. This is not ruining anything in their lives."

Although she wasn't ready to believe that yet, the words helped her lungs work a bit more properly. "Yeah, but-"

"No buts. You are a gift to them. Your life is a gift to them. Not only are they your friends, but you are their friends, too. They need you, all of you."

Tori's eyes had stopped watering but she still felt defeat. "I guess."

"It's true. I've seen it first hand for years," he assured her. "They wouldn't want you to feel this way."

"Okay, that's probably true, but then like, for the rest of my life I'm just going to have this giant traumatic backstory and baggage and someone's just going to have to deal with it-"

"Not unless you deal with it first. Then it won't have to be someone else's problem."

If she knew what he meant, she probably wouldn't have been as offended as she was, but she misunderstood. "What are you saying?"

Lane took a deep breath. "Let's say you meet the love of your life in ten years. Do you think you'll have most of this situation figured out and you will be living your life much more comfortably by then? That you have overcome most obstacles in this challenge?"

Tori raised an eyebrow. "So help me God if I don't."

Lane laughed softly and tilted his head. "Baggage isn't harmful to anybody else as long as you are not using it as an excuse to harm anybody else. Does that make sense?"

"I… guess?"

"Let's say Person A goes through something in their childhood, you know. Gets bullied a lot and then later in love becomes physically violent in relationships. There's no excuse for that, right? Even if their past explains where the violence stems from, it doesn't excuse the fact that they are now hurting people themself. Especially if they try to justify their harmful actions with "well this happened to me earlier in life, that's why I struggle with it."

"Sure," Tori mumbled, almost not wanting to have a serious in-depth conversation anymore.

"Person A experience trauma and did not heal from it properly. When you heal properly from yours, there is nothing to worry about as far as being a burden to anybody else."

"Well, okay. I guess that makes sense."

"Or even so far as just, someone having a hard day and then lashing out on anyone around them just because they're going through something."

Tori scowled and looked back up at him. "Don't we all kind of do that?"

Lane scoffed. "Nobody's perfect."

"Right," Tori nodded as she was now fully recovered from her crying, hopefully.

"Has anyone done anything to make you feel like you're a burden?"

Tori laughed nervously. "No, of course not. Everyone's great. I just sometimes feel like people have to like, tiptoe around me. It kind of makes me feel like a freak."

"What do you mean?"

Would she regret bringing up more drama in her friend group like she had with Sikowitz, who just kind of ignored the situation? "Well, this thing happened with Andre and I got pretty mad at him."

That wasn't where Lane expected the story to begin. He crossed his legs in his chair, humming "Mhm."

"There's this song that I wrote right before the accident, and it was written for someone… for someone I liked."

Lane could have choked, but instead cleared his throat to mask any sign of worry. Tori continued without noticing. "I asked Andre if he knew who the song might be about, and he denied it. I instantly thought he was lying, but then Jade kind of made a point that I probably wouldn't tell Andre about my crush because he's a guy. But then Cat didn't even know! It's driving me nuts," Tori laughed awkwardly, realizing how dumb Lane probably thought it all was.

"That's definitely an interesting situation to be in. So, none of your friends know?"

"Apparently not. I think I need to trust them, even though it's really hard. But I have no idea what was going on in my life, so it doesn't really matter. Jade told me to pretend that it's actually her song that she wrote so that when I perform it at the prom it will just feel like singing a cover and I won't be so stressed out over the meaning behind it."

I can't tell if that's a selfish move on Jade's part or a scarily brilliant idea. Maybe it benefits both parties. Even if Jade suggested that for personal reasons, it's not really doing any harm for Tori if it will help her through the performance.

"I think it's awesome you're going to perform. Are you nervous?"

"Um, yeah. Obviously. But maybe it won't be so bad. I gotta start somewhere, and I figured I'll be performing again at this school."

"Psh, yeah you will!" Lane couldn't hold himself back. "You're one of our most popular performers."

Tori threw her head back and groaned. "Don't remind me."

"It'll be great. How's your family at home? Everyone doing okay?"

"Yeah, they're being really nice. They've been letting me hang out with my friends alone. They even went to the neighbor's house while Cat and Jade were over."

Lane's eyes widened. "They left you three alone?"

Tori laughed. "It was fine, they're insisting on not hovering me like they would love to do. The space is good, and there's still plenty of smothering happening. It's been good."

"That's good. Has Trina been around at all?"

"Oh yeah! She's actually coming next weekend for an early birthday celebration."

"You're inviting me to Trina's birthday party? What, she doesn't have any friends in New York yet and needs to come all the way back here to have a good time?"

Tori groaned. "I know. I know you don't like her but she's letting me invite any of my friends too so I don't feel as awkward!"

Jade bobbed her head a bit as she deliberated in her own head as if she would pass on an opportunity to be close to Tori. "Fine. Don't expect me to get through it sober, though."

Oh yeah, high school seniors like, drink and smoke weed probably. Tori shrugged. "Don't care, I just want you there."

Jade's lips pulled into a smirk as her eyes flickered over Tori's face. The eager brunette eyed the several rings on Jade's slender fingers as she closed the door of her locker covered with scissors. "See you tomorrow, Tori. Have a good night."

Her heart skipped a beat as Jade's final glance at her before breezing past her. "You too!"

Once Jade was out of sight, Tori did a horribly awkward victory dance with her arms waving in the air and her feet stumbling over each other.

Andre appeared from around the corner on cue and stopped dead in his tracks at the sight. Tori, dancing near Jade's locker? Seems pretty gay to me.

*Thanks for reading! And oh, brace yourselves for Chapter 12.