CW: drugs, alcohol, depictions of death
A/N: So here's Trina's birthday party. This is a whopping 12K word update (usually my chapters are 6k words), so there will be a big chapter break with two split lines instead of one just in case you need a placeholder!
The first appearance of the night was Robbie. He wore a button-up with flamingos on it, black skinny jeans, and converse. Damn, Jade probably had a point about everyone at Hollywood Arts being a little gay.
"Hey, Robbie!" Tori chimed, holding the door to let him walk past. She ignored Rex, as she wasn't quite used to the expectation of greeting him as a person, too.
"You're lookin' hot tonight," Rex chuckled. Robbie replied before Tori could whip up a sarcastic answer.
" Stop it," he hissed. Rex cackled. Tori rolled her eyes.
Trina appeared in the room in her sparkly party dress and obscenely high heels. Tori questioned why she'd want to wear such uncomfortable shoes at the party taking place in her own house, but figured Trina would have solid reasoning that her little sister would never understand. "Did you really have to invite him?" Trina whispered into the other's ear.
"I heard that!" Rex snapped.
"Oops! I'm sorry," Trina glared into the puppet's plastic eyes as if it would truly affect the doll.
Tori leaned back in toward her sister. "I didn't want to, but I thought I should have because the rest of the friend group would have told him and he would have been sad-"
"None of your other friends would have been sad if he wasn't here, trust me," Trina placed her hand on Tori's shoulder. "Remember for next time."
"Okay," Tori whispered, confused as to how he had stuck with the friend group this long if nobody liked him.
Cat was at the door next, and Trina rudely exclaimed, "When are my friends going to be here?!"
The redhead seemed unphased with Trina's remark as she stepped into the room. "You're my friend," she offered in a hushed tone.
Trina side-eyed the younger girl. "Yeah, but are you my friend?"
Cat gasped and draped her hands over her eyes. Tori took Cat's shoulders in her hands, a move of protection against Trina's continued rudeness. "Come on, Cat. Let me get you a drink."
"Don't give her any of my special drink-"
"Yes, Trina. I know. You and your over eighteen friends are super cool and have secret spiked lemonade, I get it," Tori sighed and led Cat to the kitchen.
Robbie sat quietly on the couch alone, content with reading through one of Holly's magazines on interior design. It was a routine coping strategy for him when he was being ignored at the Vega house.
Cat and Tori sipped on the beverage poured from the plastic dispenser labeled "Kidz Only!" when Andre arrived. Tori sighed in relief, knowing she would be most comfortable going to him if anything became difficult for her to process throughout the night.
"Hey party people," He smiled as he shrugged off his leather jacket.
Trina groaned especially loud this time. "Where's Beck?!"
Tori's eyes bulged out of her head as she scolded her sister yet again. "Seriously? Relax! He's coming. You're the worst host ever."
"Hi, Andre!" Trina shuffled her feet in her heels to give him a superficial warm welcome. His eyes widened in horror as she approached him.
"Hey, how's New York? Seen any cool shows yet?"
Trina scoffed. "No, I'm too busy hitting the bars to go to shows."
He shook his head. "You poor thing, you."
She scowled, not understanding the cause of his negative reaction. "What? Going out is fun!"
Tori was rather amused with this whole interaction, knowing Andre's passion for live music and how apathetic Trina was toward the Arts since deciding to change up the direction of her career after graduating.
"I'm sure it is, especially with those Eiffel towers on your feet," he cackled, high fiving the hand Tori had extended out to him.
Trina huffed and scooted away again to retrieve her phone on the counter. Tori brought her attention back to Andre before pulling him in for a hug.
"Thanks so much for coming," Tori squeezed him tightly. "It means a lot to me."
"Of course, why wouldn't I want to… celebrate Trina's birthday-"
"Birth- weekend!" She shouted from the kitchen to correct him.
Tori threw her head back in agony. "Oh, have you finally graduated from the birth week?"
Trina didn't look up from her phone while texting Beck. "No, of course not. It's just my birth-weekend here, but I'll celebrate my whole birth-week in NYC with my real friends."
Andre sat down and chose to ignore Trina from this point on. "Hey Rob, what's up?"
The brunette sat down to her friend, looking over to the boy who was engulfed in one of her mom's magazines.
"Oh, just blending in like I normally do," he chuckled nervously. "Who else is coming?"
Tori shrugged. "Beck and Jade should show up, but I have no clue who else. Trina won't really specify who her 'other friends' are, so it's a mystery."
"She probably invited Sinjin, and maybe other upperclassmen who graduated with her," Andre guessed. "Where's Cat?"
Just then, she popped up from behind the couch and draped her arms above Robbie, her voice loudly booming, " Boo!"
The way Robbie jumped up from the couch and landed on the floor, keeled over in pain and sheer horror closely resembled a fish out of water and helplessly flopping on a deck. Now I understand what Trina said about him.
Beck smirked as Jade kept turning her head in different directions to make sure nobody was near them. Though it was understandable to be paranoid about smoking in public, he wasn't sure why she was clenching her bag so tightly in her lap.
"Dude, relax. Nobody's around."
Her eyes found her own hands again as she fought the urge to fumble with them. "I usually just, do this alone and for some reason, it makes me less nervous that way," she mumbled while she kicked her feet up on the dash.
"Nobody's going to see us, because nobody is around," he reminded her gently. "Plus, it's California. Who cares."
Jade watched as Beck flickered his lighter over the tightly packed bowl. She was nervous, not only to be smoking with him for the first time since they had broken up but because she was worried he would pull some bullshit again. Which he wouldn't, she knew he wouldn't, but she couldn't shake that fear. Jade almost regretted doing this, but she had wanted to smoke for a very long time. It's been weeks since she last smoked, and usually, she finds the time to a handful of times in a month.
If she didn't have a good high, she had backup goodies in her bag. A bad high isn't anything a little vodka can't fix. Her mom would sometimes come home with stupid gift baskets from people at work, often having these little shooters packed inside, but her mom was a strict wine drinker and never liked liquor. Her mom wouldn't even notice they were gone, or so she hoped.
He took a puff and passed it to her. "You're okay."
She nodded as her lips met the opening. She had missed the burning sensation in her lungs and felt a significant weight lift from her shoulders the second she exhaled a cloud of smoke. "Mmm, yup I needed this."
He smiled and took the piece back from Jade. He took another puff and began laughing a low chuckle after exhaling.
"Already, dude? What's so funny?"
He covered his mouth with his hand and looked down. "Um, I think you'll know by the end of the night."
Jade asked for the lighter back to light the bowl again, feeling that it was already almost kicked. "Oh, so you have to be vague about it?" She took another hit.
Beck shrugged. "It's just something you won't expect," he paused to take another hit."But you'll probably notice easily," he spoke through another exhale. "Aaand it's kicked. You want more?"
"No, no. I should be good. Maybe later, though," Jade rolled her eyes, noticing Beck's voice was already croaky from the smoke. Hers never really got that way, she just spoke deeper when she was high. Jade stepped out of the car
"Can't wait to find out your secret," Jade said nonchalantly.
"When do I get to find out yours?" Beck taunted.
At this point, Jade was already high and was unable to pick up on his sarcasm. "What?"
He certainly wasn't expecting that clearly guilty response. He tried to raise his eyebrows, but they hardly moved at all. "Wait, are you hiding something?"
"No," Jade sighed. Her heart was beating out of her chest, a common feeling she got right after smoking. After they walked to the Vega house that was only a block away, she'd feel great.
"Hmmm," Beck scratched his head as he stepped out of the driver's seat. "I'm suspicious."
"Don't be," Jade mumbled as she got out of the car and took a few deep breaths. Meanwhile, Beck was spraying the entire car out with Smoke-X.
"Ready, Fred?"
"Born ready."
The lights on the sidewalk seemed to spin as Jade took her first few steps. Well, fuck.
"Can you keep talking to me? I'm afraid this is going to be an anxious high."
Beck knew Jade sometimes had a bad reaction at first, but it was usually pretty easy to get her out of her head. "Sure. What'd you get Trina for her birthday?
Jade looked at the trees but cringed thinking about how the texture of the leaves would feel in her hands and it repulsed her. Her stomach churned. "Nothing, why would I get Trina a present?"
"Because she's your best friend, of course!" Beck was nervous that Jade wouldn't actually come out of this. "Do you think they faked the moon landing?"
She felt as though she was gasping for air. "Yeah, I also think the Earth is flat."
The more she thought about panic, the more she would panic. But at this moment, it was impossible to not feel like she was about to have a heart attack. "Fuck, I shouldn't have done this-"
"Hey, hey," Back lightly placed her hands around her arms, but Jade pushed herself out of his embrace.
"Don't touch me," she reminded him. He wasn't phased or offended as he kept his eyes forward.
"Sorry. We're almost there, you're okay. Nothing bad is going to happen. It's just your circulation freaking you out."
Jade could control her hammering heartbeat once she realized she had felt all these same feelings before and she never once became physically ill from smoking. While a few times had some extremely close calls, it had never actually happened. If she could just be near Tori, she could calm down no matter what was wrong.
She felt like an impostor, even though she gave Tori a full warning that she would be inebriated. Tori couldn't drink or smoke, though. She knew that wouldn't be the best idea for her mental health at a time like this. Jade felt incredibly guilty about it and beat herself up at the thought of how she smoked anyway. Tori wouldn't care, of course, but Jade did.
Beck knocked for them, and everything about the moment Tori opened the door overwhelmed Jade. She was so unbelievably beautiful, her smile could light an entire city, her eyes sparkled brighter than any major constellation in the sky. Fuck, I forgot my hopeless romantic side comes out in me when I'm high.
" Hi! Come in, come in!"
Jade was shivering, and not because it was cold. How could she say "please give me a hug" without giving away that she was an emotional wreck?
"There's pizza and wings and a bunch of appetizers from Nozu-"
"Say no more," Beck held his hand up to Tori before speeding toward the kitchen. Tori didn't follow him; she remained near the door with Jade.
Jade's eyes came back into focus as Tori studied her face, a scowl soon appearing upon it. Her voice seemed sweeter than normal, which Jade didn't think was possible.
"Hey, are you okay? You look like you've been crying."
Jade tilted her head down awkwardly, keeping her eyes away from Tori's. She tried to hold in a laugh while Andre was watching the entire interaction. "No, um. I'm fine," Jade chortled.
Tori had tons of suspicion but didn't even know where to begin. "Um, are you sure? Did something happen with Beck?"
The brunette feared the worst when the two had walked in together. She couldn't keep up with their dynamic and wasn't sure if Jade had changed her mind about him.
"No, no, we're good-"
"Oh, high Jade," Andre emphasized his word choice intentionally. She couldn't help but break into laughter at that moment. Tori was genuinely concerned, having never remembered encountering someone who has been high before.
"Hiiii," her voice carried on. "I feel crowded, I'm gonna go grab some food, freaks."
Tori turned to watch Jade walk away, truly astonished at how unusually loopy she was. "What's her deal?" Tori whispered to Andre.
He patted Tori on the shoulder and shook his head. "She's stoned."
Oh. Duh. I figured she'd get drunk, not high. Guess I was wrong. "Ah, I'm so stupid."
"Nah, don't worry about it. She won't bother anyone. She's always really chill about it."
"Got it," Tori sipped her lemonade as her eyes followed Jade with her skirt and combat boots. Tori wondered if she wore skirts just to bend over the counters in the kitchen on purpose, or if Tori just needed to perpetually wash her eyes out with soap and go to confession for staring at her friend's ass. My ass is nice, but Jade's ass… I want that kind of an ass. Not fair.
Trina was hurt when Beck dove straight into the food without saying hi to her, that is until he turned around and almost bumped into her with his plate of food.
"Oh, hi! I'm sorry. Happy Birthday," he carefully wrapped his arms around her, making sure not to drop any wings on the floor.
While Jade's ass was nice, Tori's attention shifted to the fact that Beck willingly gave Trina a hug. Well, he's stoned too. Maybe he's over-friendly when he's high?
The older Vega sister's sour feelings faded away upon catching a whiff of what Beck had been smoking. " Oh, I get it now, why you didn't say hi. You're high, and you didn't offer me any?"
"Well, of course, I was going to…"
While Jade was trying to remember the name of the cheesy tortilla chips were called, she overheard the conversation between Trina and Beck. After taking what seemed like five minutes to chew through and swallow a Dorito, Jade spoke up.
"Hey Trina, since when is he your friend?"
Tori would have much rather been listening to the conversation between those three in the kitchen over Robbie's family history, so she tugged at Andre's shirt to have him come along too.
Trina crossed her arms, but it was no match for the powerful stance Jade held next to the large bowl of Doritos. Maybe it was the fact that Jade was still intimidating even while crunching loudly on party chips that was unsettling, but Tori was fascinated.
"Beck's always been my friend," Trina hesitated. Beck was entirely unphased with the conflict arising, simply lost in the wings he was busy devouring. Tori was hoping she wasn't snarling too much at the sight, but couldn't help to think men are gross.
"You're only friends with hot people though, but I'd say all of us are pretty hot, too," Andre held his arms out gesturing to the general area.
Jade smacked her lips and pointed toward the family room. "Except Robbie," she whispered.
Tori snorted, though she felt guilty giving into the humor of the rude comment. "Come on, he's… cute-"
"Is he paying you to say that?" Jade shot back immediately.
"No," Tori smiled, inching closer to the other. "But someone needs to say it. Come on, we're all pretty okay looking."
"I'm the hottest though," Jade's voice was like silk. She licked the cheesy dust off her fingers and closed her eyes to savor the flavor. It was already too much for Tori to witness this action once before, but for Jade to do this directly after proclaiming herself as the hottest in the friend group made her head spin.
"I'd agree with that," Tori whispered, a result of forgetting how to filter her thoughts when they were too cloudy after the sight of Jade's finger-licking.
Hypnotizing blue eyes stared through Tori as Jade's lips pulled into a devious smile. "Oh, you would?"
"Okay! You're all my friends! You happy?" Trina yelled to interrupt the incredibly flirtatious exchange. Lucky for her, new people had arrived after her outburst, so she greeted them at the door.
Andre sighed and rubbed his hands together. "That was a lot. I'm gonna grab some food."
Tori nodded rapidly and shook the dirty thoughts racing through her mind. "Yup, me too."
Jade scuffed her feet into the family room, her eyes fixed on Cat. "Hey, Cat."
"What's up, Jade?"
"Can you do me a favor?"
Brown eyes dimmed as Cat grew nervous about what the other would ask. "Maybe?"
"Come give me a hug," Jade whimpered, holding her arms out.
The brunette watched as Cat jumped up gleefully from the couch and wrapped her arms around Jade's upper back. Tori wasn't sure what to make of it, or if she should be jealous that Jade didn't ask her for a hug. She could feel Andre coming back to her side once he had his plate full.
"Is… Jade okay?" Tori whispered.
Andre shook his head as he bit into his pizza. "No. Like, you don't even know how much she's not. "
This sent Tori into a panic. "Well, I mean I don't mind that she's high or anything. She told me she wouldn't get through this party sober, and what do I care? I just wanted her here. Maybe that was selfish of me."
"No, no, no. Jade's not new to smoking. She's experienced, and that's not why she's not okay. She's having trouble with some personal feelings."
"Like what?" Tori shot back. Andre pressed his lips together, afraid to say anything. "Nevermind, I won't ask."
"No, I mean. Her mom's been around, and she isn't usually. I know they've been spending some time together. Jade's been acting pretty different lately. I think it's a good thing, in a way. But she's definitely been off. That's all I know," Andre finished, hoping he had been convincing. He had heavy speculations about what else Jade was going through, but obviously, he wouldn't think of them as truth just yet.
Tori nodded, though her understanding didn't make the scowl fall off her face. "Okay. I feel bad."
"I'm sure she'd be down to give you a hug, too. Just ask her."
The brunette turned to Andre in a jolt startling him. "No! I can't do that!"
Andre smirked and looked back at Jade, who was rocking back and forth with Cat, the two girls still in a snug embrace. "Why not? She's like a soft, horror movie teddy bear."
Tori scoffed. "That doesn't even make sense."
"But you don't need to be scared of her. What happened? I thought y'all were chill," he desperately wanted Tori to spill her truth. It was clear she wasn't ready to realize her own truth.
Jade did look really affectionate, and that's all Tori wanted at the moment. But why? There hadn't even been any serious or heavy conversation yet tonight. They had certainly had their moments before, but why does Tori just want the affection by default now?
"Um. Oh, sorry. Nothing happened. I just feel bad for her and want to hug her. But I don't want her to think I'm like pitying her or something, you know? And people sometimes get annoyed when you ask them what's wrong, especially if they're trying to ignore what's wrong. The question can just remind them that they're actually upset and it ruins their day, but I can't just go up and hug her randomly."
Tori was literally out of breath by the time she finished her ramble. Andre was quite impressed with how quickly the words fell out of her mouth. It was typical for her, but that might be a new record of "fastest emotion dump."
"Hey Jade," Andre called over to the other girl.
Tori slapped his arm repeatedly, hissing "No, no, no. No! Andre!"
"What's up?" Jade approached and interrupted Tori's panic.
Tori couldn't look at Jade, not even close. She wished she could disappear but there was no escaping the situation now.
"Tori would like to ask you-"
"No, I wouldn't.
Tori wasn't the only one experiencing panic here. Jade's heart rate caught up to Tori's within seconds. "What?"
"I, um... wanted to ask you where you got your boots!"
Andre smacked a palm to his face and walked away before he heightened the situation. Jade's eyes followed him as she tried desperately to understand what was going on. Clearly, Tori was avoiding a specific topic.
"They're Doc Martens. What's your actual question?"
Tori stammered. "That-that was it, that… um, that was my question."
Jade squinted and crossed her arms. "You are aware that you're a horrible liar, right?"
The brunette balled her fists at her side, cursing Andre in her head with every tension-filled, unbearably awkward second that passed. "If I ask the question, can I at least explain why I'm asking after?"
Jade looked into her cup of lemonade. "If it means I can sit back down, then sure."
Tori eased up a bit, suddenly noticing how sleepy Jade was. "I saw you hugging Cat, and you don't just usually hug people randomly, at least I don't think so. And, well… I'm a huge hugger, and you're, um…"
This was dream content in real life for Jade. Awkward, nervous Tori asking for affection was one of Jade's favorite things about her. She closed her eyes while smiling, savoring every sound of Tori's voice when she spoke.
"You're my friend, I like hugging my friends. And it seemed like maybe you were sad, sooo... that leads me to my question," Tori giggled nervously and dipped her knees while swaying in place. Jade clearly was aware of what the question would be but played dumb just to see the other squirm a bit.
"Do you want a hug?"
Jade shook her head, and Tori's heart sank until the other responded with, "Was that really your question, or were you going to ask if I could hug you?"
The two couldn't help themselves from smiling wider and wider the longer they held eye contact. Andre watched the entire interaction and patted himself on the back for his good and honest work.
"Okay, fine," Tori gave in. "Will you give me a hug?"
Jade closed in on Tori and wrapped her arms around the other's upper back. Tori almost wished it was her own arms that were above Jade's, but if Jade was the one giving the hug, she figured this made the most sense. Next time, I want her to put her arms around my waist. It was an especially long embrace, and after a few seconds, Jade did the same thing that she had with Cat, rocking back and forth on her feet to sway them a bit. Tori wasn't sure if this was a dream or if it was real.
"Better?" Jade asked after finally breaking away.
"Yes, much better. Thank you," Tori mumbled, acting all tough and unbothered. Jade chuckled as she watched the other go back to Andre. He rolled his eyes at the brunette, confusing Jade even more as to why that was such a dramatic occurrence in the first place.
Snapping out of the stare she had held on Tori, Jade turned to Cat again. "I'm going to the bathroom."
To cry. Jade was going to the bathroom to cry.
As soon as she closed the door it spilled out of her as her back pressed against the door.
You can't tell her. It will be too much for her to handle on top of everything else.
She won't even feel that way about you. You're probably subconsciously manipulating her into actually liking you because there's no way she would just actually feel that way.
She deserves so much better than you.
A single hug shouldn't make you fall head over heels all over again, you useless fucking bitch.
Just go home. You can't handle this, and she can't handle you if you're a fucking emotional wreck.
No… then she'll think I'm mad at her or don't want to be around her. Ugh.
"You're fucked," Jade laughed under her breath. She had done this after smoking before. Her friends had always told her that you have to be in a good headspace to smoke, that if anything is stressing you out you should relax before and not have it on your mind during or after. Clearly, that was going to be impossible so Jade just did it anyway.
But she would make it through, she just needed to swig a shooter of vodka that she had stored in her bag. The liquor burned down her throat as she tilted her head back. The stinging sensation was almost calming as she took a deep breath and stuffed the empty bottle back into her bag.
Jade checked her face in the mirror, laughing when seeing a mascara streak down one of her cheeks. It was nothing a little quick smudge couldn't fix. She popped a few Altoids and chewed them thoroughly before going back to the party.
Tori couldn't stop laughing as she tried to decide what was funnier: Robbie's pathetic display of dancing, or the fact that Cat was singing every word as well as dancing to "Rasputin" on Just Dance 3. She had clicked through this game for the Wii a bit a few days ago to see what songs were on it but felt too awkward to play by herself as she had forgotten any prior memory of it.
Tori hadn't noticed the Just Dance craziness, but Jade sat down at the kitchen table where Beck and Trina were.
"Hey, where were you?"
"The bathroom. You work for the FBI now?"
"I noticed you were gone, I'm just making sure you're okay," Beck sighed and shuffled the deck of cards he had been mindlessly playing with. Jade focused on pouring herself a cold sprite.
"I'm not," she admitted. "Did you see the hug?"
Trina was listening intently, though her fake texting was promising enough to fool the ex-couple through their slowed speech.
"Yeah, you and Tori?"
"Mhmmm," Jade nodded, feeling her cheeks blush from the vodka. "It just about killed me."
"In a good way?" Beck encouraged with a goofy smile.
"Ugh," Jade groaned, regretting that the real answer was 'yes'.
Trina rolled her eyes at the conversation taking place. "Looked like you were enjoying yourself to me, Jade-"
"SHUT UP, TRINA."
Tori and the others in the living room had heard Jade's voice roar. Cat continued to do the impossible Rasputin dance with no interruptions or mishaps.
Trina laughed and placed a palm on her chest. "Oh, I'm sorry. Did the truth hurt your feelings?"
Fuck this. I'm leaving immediately.
Jade grabbed her bag from the chair and began to storm out of the house. Andre and Tori locked eyes and jumped from the couch at the same time to stop her.
"Wait, wait. Jade. Jade!"
He got to the door just in time to stop her from barreling out.
"Andre, please move."
"No, let's go talk to Trina about what happened."
"NO!"
Tori felt helpless, knowing she probably couldn't be much comfort to Jade when she wasn't sure what kind of relationship she and Trina had in the past. Obviously, Trina could be mean, and if Jade didn't want to be around her then Tori couldn't stop her.
"Andre, it's okay. Let's all relax. Do you want to go outside for a minute, Jade?" Tori offered.
Great. Now I'm making a huge scene and I'm high and almost drunk, and Tori wants to help me. I can't say no.
"Okay, fine," Jade mumbled as she opened the door. Tori turned back to Andre, clearly horrified, but he held his hands out to encourage her.
Tori closed the door behind her slowly to find Jade sitting on the bench with her face buried in her hands.
"It was stupid, I didn't need to snap. It was my fault-"
"No it wasn't," Tori shrugged. Probably one of the first times Tor had said something wasn't Jade's fault that clearly was. "Trina sucks sometimes. What did she say that got you upset?"
Jade was sure she could hurl into the bushes, but she couldn't. "I don't know, she made fun of me for enjoying the hug we had earlier."
Tori scowled. "Why is that something to even make fun of? She's weird. She's just jealous that people don't want to hug her, probably."
Jade scoffed. "No, I. Well, I told Beck that um…"
Oh great, of course, Beck comes into this, Tori thought. She waited patiently for an explanation.
"I told him that it killed me."
The brunette's heart sank as she shuffled her feet. "The hug killed you?" Her eyes fixed on Jade's fingers that scratched up and down her legs.
"Not in a bad way," Jade clarified. "Like, I really liked it. Of course, I like hugging you-" she couldn't help but laugh nervously. She could just spill everything right here and now.
"You can be confusing sometimes," Tori said in a playful tone while raising an eyebrow.
"I know. I just… don't think you realize how much you mean to me, and how insanely happy I am that you're, um… still here." The words were hard for Jade to sound out, every next one tasting more and more bitter in her mouth.
Tori nodded slowly but knew she would never understand the weight of her friends' emotions regarding her. She could understand that hugging someone who almost died is probably an overly emotional experience to have.
"So, it's just like. An emotional thing?"
"Yes, yes!" Jade exclaimed, feeling relieved that Tori wouldn't pull the deeper feelings out of her. "And Trina likes to just, poke fun at me when I'm actually showing affection for once."
The other couldn't help but smirk. "Is that not something you do often? Because, well, you seem to like hugging me a lot-"
"And only you," Jade confirmed. "And Cat, but mostly you."
Tori was thankful for the dark lighting they were in that concealed her blushing cheeks. "Are you still high?"
Jade burst into laughter and leaned back on the bench. "Very."
"Alright, well I know you wanted to leave but you kind of need to stay unless you can find a ride home," the brunette's voice was warm and calming.
"I'm not going home."
Tori blinked. "You just, looked like you were about to leave-"
"I did?" Jade looked genuinely confused when she stood up, which concerned Tori a little bit.
"Okay, you know what? Let's get you inside. Are you still hungry?" She wrapped her arm around Jade's shoulders and walked her toward the front door.
"Eh. I ate my body weight in Doritos already, I think."
go drink some water or smthn,, hydrate, bitch
Trina's friends finally showed up around 9. Andre knew a few of them, said hi, and made small talk. Once hitting them with the question "so how long have you been close with Trina?" each and every one of them admitted to only showing up for the booze.
Of course, there needed to be a designated driver, so Sinjin had dropped everybody off.
Beck actually liked talking to Sinjin. Tori had asked Beck once she saw him so comfortable with the tech geek. Something about a drag race that was a great bonding experience for the two of them, they have more in common than Beck originally thought, blah blah blah, Tori could have paid more attention to the story if it weren't for Jade looking incredibly comfortable with Cat again.
"Tori," Sinjin interrupted her hypnotization with Jade's smile.
She snapped her head back around to face him. "Oh, sorry. What?"
"You should get some tunes going, let's really get this party started."
For the suggestion he just gave, you'd think his tone would reflect excitement or something positive, but it almost sounded like he was narrating the trailer to a horror movie. Tori stared blankly at him, too frightened to move immediately.
"Um, okay. Good idea."
She scurried away from the area they had been standing in, moving to the Bluetooth stereo system to connect her phone.
"Jade, are you falling asleep?" Cat giggled.
"No, but I'm in a food coma," she groaned and kicked her feet up on the couch.
Tori stood on the coffee table and felt an extremely rare rush of pure happiness and thrill. "Alright, nerds! Here goes my first time playing super loud music since I got hit by a car!"
Andre yelled in shock. "Tori! Geez, I guess I can't tell you to not say that about yourself," he laughed nervously. He couldn't relate to that kind of experience and knew everyone had their different ways of coping. He realized at that moment that all of the guilt Tori had revolving around hitting that elderly woman in the wheelchair? Gone.
Jade looked up at the other, surprised at how bold Tori was acting. Then Robyn started playing on the speakers, and Jade could have sworn she was dreaming again. She didn't have enough energy to get up and dance as Cat did, but maybe Tori had timed this intentionally so she could give Jade a taste of her own medicine.
It was intoxicating to experience loud music again; just a few weeks away from it must have lowered her tolerance of being so affected by loud drums and bass. With every beat, Tori rocked her hips side to side and Cat followed her lead to move the tables to the outskirts of the room.
Jade swallowed the lyrics as Cat and Tori sang along.
"Somebody said you got a new friend
Does she love you better than I can
There's a big black sky over my town
I know where you're at, I bet she's around…"
Andre and Beck cheered Tori on as she danced her way in front of the piano looking over the back of the couches. Jade forced herself to prop back up to look over her shoulder at Tori as she slowed her movements down and inches closer to Cat for a moment.
"Yeah I know, it's stupid
I just gotta see it for myself..."
Tori had clearly lost some of her moves, but she wasn't any less adorable when she was feeling the music and moving however she felt like.
"I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her
I'm right over here, why can't you see me…"
After breaking away from Cat, Tori moved to stand behind the keys of the piano. And then her foot was on the bench, and her lower body was coming down over the top of the piano as she reached her arms out to pull herself on top. Jade's stomach twisted watching Tori climb onto the back and move on her hands and knees.
"And I'm giving it my all, but I'm not the guy you're taking home…"
Tori laid on her back on the body of the piano and looked upside down at Cat, reaching out dramatically to her but Cat was incredibly well versed in teasing and didn't cave.
"I keep dancing on my own…"
Jade laughed to herself as she turned back around again. She wanted to join them, but she wouldn't. It would be incredibly informative to watch intently and overanalyze every move Tori makes instead. Is the gay Tori still alive? The fair-skinned girl stood from the couch and moved over to where Andre was standing and watching.
He turned to Jade and shrugged. "She's still got it."
"Of course she does."
"Are you wondering the same thing I'm wondering?"
Jade smirked as she remembered that Tori had come out to Andre, too. They had agreed to not tell Tori about it so soon, fearing it would add to the complications she was facing. "Probably."
"But she would do stuff like that with Cat before, right?"
Two sets of eyes glanced back to the girls who acted like nobody was watching. Tori took Cat's hips into her hands and the redhead shrieked with joy. It felt surprisingly good to feel the weight of Cat's movements against each of her palms and Tori was finding herself pressing into the redhead's hips harder and harder. Cat remembered at that moment how much she had missed the thrill of holding intense eye contact with Tori while performing with her.
Jade turned back to Andre and shook her head. "No, that's quite an advancement from before."
The dark-haired girl felt beads of sweat forming on her forehead as Tori really let herself go. Time seemed to stop once Robbie flipped off the main lights, and all that remained were the colorful party lights Tori had hung on the walls. God, I wish that were me instead.
Andre couldn't help but laugh at how miserably Jade was hiding her infatuation with everything Tori was doing. She was practically drooling and hadn't taken her eyes off them. Even after the song faded out and another one came on the queue, Jade couldn't focus on anyone else. Andre wondered if Jade would have any final thoughts to say to him, but she just walked toward Tori hesitantly.
Tori smiled widely at Jade. "Why didn't you dance with us? Do you know that song?"
"Yes, of course, I do. I love Robyn," Jade spoke in that gravelly tone that made Tori's knees weak. "I just, um… didn't want to? Looked like y'all were in a moment-"
"We always have room for more!" Cat raised her hands in the air with joy and smiled back at Tori.
The music cut to Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus, and Jade snapped her head in the direction of the sound system. "ROBBIE!" Her voice cut through the sound of a synthesizer.
"What? I love this song!"
"Me too!" Cat cheered before running over to her friend.
Tori was confused as she hadn't heard this song, but the sound of it so far definitely made her curious. "Is this Miley Cyrus?"
"Oh, you lucky thing you. Yes, and it's not even a bad song, it's just so overplayed-" Jade explained as she fi "Are you having fun?"
"Yeah, this is a lot of fun! I wish you were too."
Jade laughed. "Oh, I am. I'm just not sober enough to appear that way."
Tori frowned and looked to her feet. "Well, I want to get to know sober party Jade at some point, too."
"You will, as long as Trina's not there."
"Ugh, my birthday isn't until February," the brunette groaned. "When's yours by the way?"
Jade took a sip of lemonade. "July 26th."
"Do you remember mine?" Tori asked with eager anticipation.
Blue eyes glanced over Tori's cheesy grin, regretting the fact that she'd be the reason it disappeared.
"Uhhh, shit. February... 13th?"
And just as Jade expected, Tori's face dimmed instantly. "It's the 19th."
"Don't worry, we're going to make it a special one this year," Jade promised while placing a hand on Tori's shoulder.
Tori tried not to act incredibly hurt by it because she knew that some people simply didn't remember dates well. "I'll be looking forward to it."
Just then, Beck came around the corner and tapped Jade on the shoulder. "We're gonna go for a walk. Come with?"
"Yeah. I'll be back, Tori," Jade's hand slid down Tori's arm and squeezed her hand before she walked away.
Tori didn't want to be left behind. "Wait, I'll go on a walk!"
Jade stopped dead in her tracks. "Nah, um. We're gonna go-"
"I've been waiting all my life to smoke with Beck," Trina whispered to Tori and startled her with her sudden nearness.
"Oh. You're going to go… Yeah. Alright, be safe!"
Jade's heart sank. Tori had never handled feeling left out very well, not that many people do. Jade thought that maybe it was selfish to want to spend the entire night high just to feel something other than pain for a while. They shouldn't be doing this, and why the hell is Trina coming along and why is Beck okay with it?
I can't even say anything, or else they'll make fun of me again for being extremely nice to Tori.
A few of Trina's friends were completely silent as the group walked down the sidewalk. Jade held back tears as she stared at her sneakers. Trina kept flirting with Beck, and at that moment Jade realized this was probably what he was referring to earlier. He wasn't stopping her.
Great, so he gets to have a Vega sister and I don't?
Jade couldn't even absorb the experience of smoking with the one and only Trina Vega, she couldn't stop feeling the guilt showering over her. Tori asked her friends to come, and Beck and Jade just left to get high again.
The clock read 9:30, but Jade knew the rest of the night would go by incredibly fast after this.
Puff. Pass.
"I can't believe you never invited me to do this!"
Beck scowled. "I really didn't have you as the type to smoke in my head. But I'm pleasantly surprised."
"Yeah, and Trina, your definition of "being invited" is literally inviting yourself. You never invited yourself to smoke with us so we just didn't think you smoked."
Trina took her first hit and coughed excessively. Jade cringed and held back her rage, Beck couldn't stop laughing.
"I see. So you haven't smoked before, and you're along for the trip this time because Beck's giving you attention, right?"
"Is that a problem?" Trina asked defensively.
Jade shrugged and kept her composure. "I'll be curious to see how you handle yourself tonight."
Beck was surprised that Jade hasn't displayed any jealousy. If this was truly Trina's first time smoking, this could either be an absolute shit show for her or pleasantly surprised if she chills the fuck out for once.
"It's not my first time smoking. My uncle introduced me, actually."
That response sparked the memory of Tori telling her the same thing a few months back. "Oh, right."
Trina scowled and the bowl was passed to Jade by one of the birthday girl's friends. "Right? You knew?"
"Tori told me," Jade said after a slow exhale.
Trina rolled her eyes. "What an idiot."
Beck leaned toward Trina. "She's not. She never smoked with us before, anyway. Don't worry, your sister is much more well behaved than you are."
"Alright, please don't make me throw up. This is weird enough as it is, don't make it downright disgusting," Jade snarled and looked to her feet again.
The group finished off three small bowls and this time on the way back, Jade was undoubtedly gone.
She didn't talk much the rest of the night. Something during the second walk back to the house didn't sit well with Jade. She didn't realize that certain images could be triggering even if something didn't happen directly to her. A person on a bike brought back images of Tori in the hospital, with dull skin and messy hair and still the warmest pair of eyes Jade had ever known. A person on a bike who didn't lose two years of their life or get hit by a car.
Tori noticed something was haunting Jade. She kept staring off into nothing, only refocusing if someone said her name and tried to loop her back into the conversation somehow. The only time she showed any energy was getting up to go to the bathroom a few times. Not even Cat's antics could keep Jade at the moment, and Jade had sunk further and further into the couch. No one was even doing anything about it, but Tori didn't want to be annoying and press her about what was wrong. She was frustrated with her own assumption that something was always because of Beck. Tori had absolutely no reason to be jealous of him, so why she felt competitive with him was beyond her understanding.
The group had settled down by streaming some music videos on the TV. Jade could pay attention to those for the most part. She suggested a few videos of what she liked, as Cat snuggled into her side and Tori shared the other couch with Andre.
No matter what, Jade couldn't stop these flooding images in her head. They weren't just head-injured Tori anymore, they were worse. Tori coming close to death in other ways, Tori actually dead. Jade having to cope with Tori's death for the rest of her life. All fictional scenarios, but all too much for Jade to handle. She had one more bottle in her bag, and it was taking every bit of strength in Jade to not go for the third and final one.
The time passed, and although the whole friend group was together, Tori had never felt more alone because Jade wasn't by her side.
Most people had left around 11:30 to make it home before midnight. Tori had already started picking up empty cups and plates from around the house once the majority of guests were gone. Trina, Beck, and the rest of her friends were in the basement watching a movie.
"Tori?" Cat called from near the stairwell.
"What's up?" she called back while pressing a stack of paper plates further into the garbage can.
The redhead approached with silent footsteps toward Tori. "Something's wrong with Jade."
Tori turned around quickly with wide eyes. "What do you mean?"
Cat held back tears as she whimpered. "I don't know, she won't stop crying and won't talk to me-"
"Fuck, okay. Okay," Tori muttered under her breath. Cat followed her briskly to the bathroom, where the two found Jade crouched near the shower.
"Get the fuck out!" Jade yelled, waving her hand to shoo them out.
"Are you sick? What do you need?"
"I need you to get out, please," Jade begged. She was crying, but the kind of crying that hardly makes a sound.
"I can't do that. Come here," Tori whispered. Cat watched as her friend immediately went to go to embrace Jade. She came undone in Tori's arms and turned to fully embrace her.
She knew in the back of her mind that something was up with Jade, but she still couldn't bring herself to ask.
"What do you need?" Tori asked, rubbing her hand up and down Jade's back.
"A minute. Let me stand up," Jade laughed a bit, easing Tori and Cat's tensions immensely. Jade shook it off a bit and took a few deep breaths.
"Why are you crying?" Cat whimpered.
Jade shrugged and realized she couldn't keep herself standing. She leaned against the sink counter and crossed her arms. "When we were walking back from… our walk, there was someone on a bike. And the car didn't hit them. Isn't that amazing?" She laughed through a series of broken cries.
"Shhh. I know, I know," Tori cooed as she felt Jade cling tighter. It felt like her heart was glimmering knowing that Jade found comfort in holding on to Tori. "Come on, let's get you out of here."
Tori helped Jade off the floor and noticed a different scent, something reminiscent of nail polish. "Did you take some of Trina's spiked lemonade?"
Jade groaned. "No, I'm even dumber than that." She wasn't quite slurring her words, but she spoke slowly and her two friends had some trouble making out the end of some of her sentences.
Cat gasped. "Did you take your mom's v-"
"Cat," a voice warned, accompanied by a stern glare from Jade. "Not now."
A concerned Robbie was waiting in the hallway when the three girls emerged from the bathroom. "Cat, are you ready to go?"
The redhead turned toward Jade who gave her an indifferent shrug. "Go home, I'm fine."
Cat immediately slammed herself into her friend and grunted as she squeezed her tight. "I love you, Jade. We're all going to be okay, okay?"
Jade had stopped crying, but the urge came back immediately. "I love you, too. I know. I'm sorry I fell apart-"
"I knew tonight would be hard for you, but it's okay," Cat spoke softly as she let Jade go to hug Tori next. "Bye, Tori. I love you, too."
Tori blushed, though she wasn't sure why. She guessed that it was normal for friends to say that to each other when they had supposedly been super close for years. She replied hesitantly, though she knew it somewhere in her heart to be true. "I love you, Cat."
Robbie maintained a gaze at Jade who was having trouble even keeping her eyes open. "Take care of yourself, Jade."
"I'll try," she managed after leaning against the wall and taking a deep breath in.
Cat disappeared with Robbie down the hall and Tori was horrified. Andre had already left, and Sinjin offered to drive everyone else home who wasn't still with Trina downstairs.
"You have makeup all over your face," Tori sighed as her heart broke. She couldn't stand to see all of Jade's makeup smearing down her cheeks.
"Eh, I've been this much of a mess to you before. I don't mind," Jade's voice was shaky.
Tori didn't think about what she did next, it was an impulse that led her to reach her hand up to Jade's cheek and smudge the makeup away with the moisture of Jade's tears. She felt the other flinch at the contact, but Jade didn't shake Tori off. Their eyes locked together, Tori's only flicking down once Jade pressed her lips together nervously. For the first time, Tori wasn't nervous to be this close with the other.
"Do you want to talk about whatever it is that's bothering you? Or we can find something else to do to make you feel better," Tori offered while placing her hand back at her side. She knew Jade had been drinking since Cat kind of gave that away.
Jade stammered. "Um, I-I don't really know how to… what to say, I-"
"That's okay. What can I do?" Tori wanted to just reach out and keep comforting her with touch, but some unidentifiable insecurity stopped her.
Why is Tori still this emotionally mature and understanding? I don't deserve this.
"Well, I should probably own up to how un-sober I am right now."
"Oh," Tori nodded and chuckled a bit. "I'm well aware of that."
Jade groaned. "Are you mad?"
The other shook her head. "No, why would I be?"
"I felt really guilty going to smoke again. Trina was really funny though. I just felt awful that we were leaving to do that when you wanted me to be around and help the night be less awkward and isolating. I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel left out or-"
"Whoa, whoa," Tori cut off Jade's anxious ramble and spoke softly. "You don't need to feel guilty. That's like a normal occurrence at a party. You didn't need to cater to my every need tonight, that's not why I invited you."
Jade blinked. "It wasn't?"
"No," Tori giggled. "I like having you around, but this wasn't my party. I'm glad you got to bond with Trina a little, even if it involved leaving for twenty minutes to go smoke."
It wasn't what Jade expected as an answer, but it certainly lifted a huge weight off her shoulders. "Oh… okay. Well, I still feel gross about it. It's kind of pathetic, really."
"It's not," Tori's lips curled into a frown. "Plus, you did warn me. I just wasn't prepared to find you crying on my bathroom floor is all," she hoped it wasn't further upsetting Jade, but she ended up laughing and pressing her palm to her forehead.
"Okay," Jade nodded while suddenly feeling squeamish. "So… Sinjin already left and I need to get home."
The brunette smirked and raised an eyebrow. "No, you're not going home." Tori turned and started up the stairs. "Come on."
Jade hated that she felt butterflies in her stomach. It was so naive, so middle school, so pathetic. "Toriii… You don't need to take care of me."
Tori scoffed. "Oh, so Cat finds you alone and crying and I'm supposed to just call your mom and tell her you stole alcohol from her and need a ride home?"
The fair-skinned girl grimaced. "Well… no, that's not ideal."
"Then come to my bedroom, Jade." Tori was firm in her care, speaking with conviction but always gently.
Sleeping in Tori's bed again. But this time, I'm fucking crossfaded. Jade, you absolute useless piece of shit.
She followed Tori silently, checking her phone to see if her mom had texted her. No new text messages.
Today, 11:24 PM
Cat and I are staying over at Tori's tonight. See you in the AM
Jade sat on the edge of the bed and waited anxiously for a text back. Her mom was never one to go to bed early or pay much attention to when Jade ended up spending the night elsewhere. She was worried this might be different after confessing her feelings for Tori to Dani. That's what drove her to lie about Cat being there too, so it seemed less suspicious.
"I'm assuming you won't want to sleep in jeans," Tori spoke slowly while pawing through her dresser to find comfortable clothes for Jade.
Dear God. "Ew, gross. I don't want to wear your clothes."
Tori turned around with her lips parted. " Ew?"
Jade smirked. "Not ew. But, um, I'll just…"
"I promise I was my laundry regularly," Tori teased.
That wasn't the problem, though. Jad was convinced her skin would come up in flames if she wore any of Tori's pajamas.
Jade shook her head and wrapped her arms around her stomach. "I'm fine."
"Okay, whatever you're comfortable with."
Tori turned back to her dresser and pressed her lips together. Really? She'd rather sleep in her underwear next to me than borrow a pair of gym shorts? I can't handle a half-naked Jade next to me in bed, I'll explode.
Today, 11:26 PM
No problem, thanks for letting me know. Behave ;)
"Ugh, moms are so gross," Jade grunted before tossing her phone across the bed.
"You texted her?" Tori was interested based on what Andre had said earlier in the evening.
Jade stared at Tori's back muscles as she pulled her shirt over her head. "Uh, yeah. She's been home for a little over a week. I don't see her much."
"Does she work a lot?" Tori asked while pulling a tank top down. She remembered how to take her bra off from under her shirt, a trick that girls like her used for changing before gym class without being seen by anyone else.
The dark-haired girl sighed and ripped her eyes away from Tori. "Yeah, she's just always traveling," Jade wasn't in the mood to elaborate right now.
"Is she like, cool?"
"Umm... she's getting there."
Tori finally turned around and brushed out her hair with her fingers a bit. "What's your dad like?"
"Dead to me," Jade responded without hesitation.
The other flinched. "Oh, I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
An awkward silence filled the room as Tori brushed out her hair with a comb and Jade leaned toward the mirror to smudge more of the makeup off of her face. Tori eventually noticed Jade smuggling with getting so much eyeliner off of her skin.
"I have makeup wipes and wash in the bathroom, help yourself."
Makeup-less, in front of Tori. Great. "Oh, yeah. That might be better."
Jade slumped out of the room and squinted at the bright mirror light that illuminated her face. She laughed upon seeing just how fucked her makeup was, but took a wipe and began at her eyes. It was sobering to just stare at herself for a few minutes, to feel her fingers massaging into her tense facial muscles and jaw that had been clenched for the majority of the night. She wondered if Tori would go through her bag and see how many empty shooters were in there but figured she would deserve whatever reaction she got if Tori had looked.
You just need to sleep. It's fine. Don't panic now, not again.
Jade pulled up the music app on her phone and scrolled through some songs. Being high and far too drunk was nothing a good song couldn't fix, and she didn't want to be a party pooper for the entire night.
"party 4 u" by Charli XCX began on her phone, a song she had loved since it first was released. Upon seeing the track on her phone, the lyrics flooded through her mind, and Jade almost related to them in some sort of way after tonight.
Tori had heard the music playing from her bedroom, and scowled a bit to herself as she plugged her phone into her charger. Footsteps approached her room again, and Jade appeared in the doorway with some sort of sheepish, dorky smile on her face.
The brunette scoffed as Jade began swaying to the music. "What are you doing?"
"Coping," Jade sighed as she entered the room and immediately laid on the rug. Tori wasn't sure what to make of this, she hadn't exactly dealt with people this intensely inebriated firsthand. Sure, her parents had been drunk, but this was clearly a few levels beyond a couple of glasses of wine.
"I only threw this party for you,
Only threw this party for you, for you, for you,
I was hoping you would come through,
I was hoping you would come through, it's true, it's true…"
See, Jade? If only you had chosen this way of coping rather than with drugs and drinking. This seems way more fun. Tori tried not to burst into laughter at the way Jade's voice croaked. Clearly, she was worn out but determined to immerse herself into whatever song this was.
"I'm about to party on you,
Watch me watch me party on you, yeah…
One thousand pink balloons
DJ with your favorite tunes
Birthday cake in August
But you were born 19th of June…"
The singing shifted into an almost rapping verse, Tori was impressed with Jade's ability to enunciate every word exactly like the singer. Jade's arms were now in the air, dramatically stretching upward toward the ceiling where her eyes fixed on the ceiling fan.
" Called your digits but the phone kept ringing, wish I knew what you were think-ehhhhhn... Na na na one thousand pink balloons-"
Tori couldn't hold her laughter in anymore once Jade's voice was suddenly loud and uncontrolled. Jade laughed too, which comforted Tori to see that she was letting herself go a bit more.
The same chorus came back and Jade's voice stopped singing. "Keep going!" Tori encouraged. "What's this song called?"
"party 4 u by Charli XCX," Jade replied while lifting herself off of the floor clumsily. "Okay, okay, here comes the good part. WAIT- do you have a speaker in here?"
Tori tilted her head at the other. "I do, you really need to stop mid-song just to connect the speaker?"
"YES, PLEASE!" Jade yelled through a laugh. "PLEEEEASE-"
"Okay, okay! Here, I'll just pull it up on my phone and play it. Geez, you really aren't so tough and scary once you crack the surface," Tori chuckled as she sat on her bed and looked up the song. Jade was still standing on the other side of the room, spinning in circles and humming to herself through giggles.
The music came back in about a minute through and Jade picked up right where she had left off. "Okay, seriously I just need to hear this part like a full blast right now."
"Really? Full blast?" Tori cringed, afraid of what Jade was going to pull next.
"Did I stutter?" Jade closed her eyes and prepared herself for the second verse. Tori clung a pillow to her chest and watched the other come completely undone. Her body language and gestures were reminiscent of something from an opera, Tori thought. It truly was the strangest thing she had ever seen any of her friends do thus far.
"You could watch me pull up on your body
Like it's summer take my clothes off
In the water, splash around
And get you blessed like holy water
I don't know what you've been waiting for
You know that I've been waiting for you
I only threw this party for you
Yeah, If you saw my tears would you touch me?
Kiss me on the mouth, say you love me?
Leave a message, tell me you're sorry
Hit me right back, hit me right back
Why you treating me like someone that you never loved?"
Tori hadn't breathed through that entire verse, another one sung fast enough where she could barely keep up with reading the words. Jade clearly wasn't trying to sing as well as she could, but it was clearly just some sort of emotional release. While it was incredibly hilarious to hear Jade in an unhinged state, Tori knew something deeper was going on.
Jade continued to sing through the song that was repetitive and pretty mellow from that point on, that is until the bridge. Her eyes were still closed, like Tori wasn't even in the room. Man, if this is what weed does to people, I'm not sure I want to try it again.
"All I'm thinkin, all I know is
That I hope you knock on my door
Nervous energy, my heart rate
Rises higher, higher, yeah
I wish you'd get here, kiss my face
Instead, you're somewhere far away
My nervous energy will stay
I hope you realize one day…"
Jade had been clapping with large motions of her arms through this section and she was like an entirely different person. Before, she had this mysterious alluring energy but everything happening right now was incredibly heartfelt and vulnerable. While it was incredibly awkward, it was also fascinating. Jade started to laugh once realizing the song was almost done. It's a four-minute song, but those few minutes felt like an entire night to Jade. Her head was spinning as she laughed and turned around to her friend.
She didn't know how to read Tori's expression, but Jade didn't doubt that she was probably mortified. "Alright, I needed that. Thank you."
Tori shrugged. "Anytime."
"Do you regret letting me stay over?" Jade giggled again, followed by a hiccup. Tori gasped as Jade's hands slammed over her mouth. "Nooo! No hiccups!"
The two girls burst into laughter over Jade's impeccable hiccup timing.
"No, of course, I don't regret it. Unless you're going to do an interpretive dance to noisy pop music all night, then I might regret it," Tori rose from the bed and walked toward her door.
Jade whined a bit at the other. "Where are you go-ing?" Another hiccup interrupted the word 'going'.
"Getting you water, be right back," Tori said before faking a hiccup.
Jade gripped at her hair and took a deep breath. You better enjoy your last few hours of friendship with Tori. She's never going to see you the same.
Tori entered the room again as she yawned. "Here."
Jade hiccuped again while taking the cup. "Thanks."
The brunette watched as Jade began chugging the water. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Take sips! Relax!"
Jade laughed while still pouring water into her mouth, causing herself to spit into the cup that splashed water back into her face. Tori cackled seeing Jade blink excessively and wipe the water from her face.
"I'm not a very good babysitter, am I?"
The dark-haired girl pouted. "You're not babysitting me."
"Kinda feels like it," Tori's lips scrunched to the side. "You're kinda being wild."
"I know," Jade sighed. "I'll be good."
Tori swallowed an unpleasant feeling at the back of her throat. "Good."
Jade continued to sip the water. Another awkward silence filled the room that Tori couldn't bear to let prolong.
"Jade, is our friendship taking a toll, you know... on your mental health?"
"Whoa. I don't get to snort water everywhere one minute for you to ask extremely heavy questions the next," Jade held a hand up defensively.
"Sorry, I know," Tori shook her head, mentally cursing herself for having no sense of transition in conversations. "I just… I mean you saw someone riding a bike and it caused you to have a breakdown like that. I don't want my presence in your life to only cause you pain."
Jade's heart sank. "Tori, no, no, no. No. That's not how it is. It was just a weird reminder that like… life is precious, you know? My breakdown was more my own guilt and a combination of marijuana and vodka. It's not your fault, none of this is your fault."
Tori had talked to Lane about this and still couldn't grasp the concept. Clearly, everyone around her was hurting. The entire friend group seemed so heavy like they were desperately trying to make sure Tori was well taken care of. She was endlessly thankful for how incredibly they have been to her in the last few weeks. But, if her friends weren't going to take care of themselves because this was too hard, she felt at fault for remaining in their lives.
"It's hard for me because I know this is incredibly hard on all of you, too. I just don't want to be the reason for anyone's pain," Tori sat on her edge of the bed, the same one she had slept on last time Jade stayed the night. Jade slowly approached the other side of the bed and waited for Tori to look back at her before speaking again.
"It's not your fault, and I'll tell you every day if I need to."
Now Tori wanted to cry, but she wouldn't. "You mean that?"
"Yes. Thousand times over, yes."
Another silence was interrupted with the sound of Tori disconnecting her phone from the Bluetooth speaker. "Jade, I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling."
"I'm sure it'll be better than whatever emotional display of mine you just had to suffer through." The two girls laughed as Tori looked back at her friend. She could study Jade's bare face closely now, her eyes almost seemed bigger without her usual makeup. Tori couldn't help but notice how cute the other's nose and smile were. There were even tiny, subtle freckles across Jade's cheekbones that were truly stunning to Tori.
"I know that I'm meant to keep you around. And that's not something I want to mess up."
Jade's heart stopped; Swallowing the lump in her throat was impossible. "Whoa, okay-"
"I just - I know that you're meant to be in my life. You've been this really important person to me, and incredibly kind from the day I woke up in the hospital… I can't put it together all the way, but I know that you're my best friend."
Blue eyes stared down at fidgeting hands. "I've known this. You've shown me this every day for years."
"I know. Well, I see, through all my evidence digging and whatnot… Not only that, but you've shown me why I need to do that. You make me feel safe."
The stupid butterflies were back. "You know, what's new is all of these really cheesy heart to hearts, so I'm going to have to get used to that."
Tori laughed and prepared to get under her covers. "Well, I just needed it to be said. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."
Jade rolled her eyes. "No, you know what Tori Vega? You don't get to be the caregiver all the time." The attitude in her tone took Tori aback, but her nerves were calmed with Jade's playful smirk. " I'm going to keep you around, and I'm not going anywhere, so ha!"
Tori's face fell sober again. "Good, I'm glad. I need you. But please, take care of yourself first, okay?"
Well, fuck. She got me there. "I know, I fell apart tonight. I'm sorry."
"It's okay. It's completely understandable. Do you need anything else before going to sleep?" Tori crept under the blankets and got comfortable.
"Um… maybe a T-shirt."
"Second drawer from the top." Tori watched Jade choose an old Hollywood Arts T-shirt that used to belong to Trina. Jade pulled off her long sleeve and Tori admired the perfect fair skin and every muscle moving beneath it.
"Are your parents even coming back tonight?"
"Yeah, but they know to stay out late when it's one of Trina's parties."
Jade nodded and made her way back to the side of the bed. She pulled her jeans down and Tori certainly wasn't prepared to see the lacey black panties that were exposed. Jesus Fuck. That's Jade's ass. Don't, just don't… look too long.
Tori quickly flipped to her other side to turn the lamp off on her nightstand, failing miserably to get her recent sight out of mind. That's the ass you've been staring at. Like, right there in front of you… Why is she comfortable doing this? How is she so comfortable with this? Is this normal?
"If I snore, I give you full permission to push me off the bed," Jade groaned as she got underneath the blanket.
Tori stared at the wall she was facing, trying to prevent her mind from wandering to the places it usually does this hour. Her hand wouldn't be getting her to sleep easily like it had every night since rediscovering the Jennifer's Body video. "Do you snore?"
"No, but I might since I'm probably going to sleep extra hard tonight."
"Right," Tori replied breathlessly. She could already feel the added warmth under the covers from Jade laying so close beside her. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Tori."
What the fuck just happened tonight?