Strictly Prohibited: Pygmy puff counselling: Toy brooms are important
Lily! Don't run away! Come back! Get off me, you crazy pygmies! Off, I sa- no, Lily, wait!
James Potter has one fear. A cute little bundle of pygmy puffs. He swears that they are supposedly out to get him, but would Lily show how cute they are?
Disclaimer: WE DON'T OWN IT. DON'T OWN IT. DUDE, IT'S OBVIOUS.
A/N: It's a NL (tiedye) and Cindy fanfiction this time! Okay, get a box of popcorn and er- read our pitiful attempts at trying to be funny.
James Potter, a tall and dashing boy… er – man, collapsed under the beech tree, panting with the daily exercise that he went through. Yes, he did count running after Snape, pouncing on him, grabbing his hat and hexing him as good exercise. Since having to make sure that his beloved, Lily Evans, had no idea that he was secretly hexing Snape, James sort of had to do it whilst wearing his invisibility cloak.
It added to the fun though. He and Sirius Black just loved seeing Snape's face of exasperation when he got hexed by a supposedly no one… again. It was done repeatedly, approximately six times per day.
This day, he'd given it a go at Snape, (not that way you sick people) a grand total of eleven times. Sirius helped to drag him off after so that Lily Evans or any other Snape caring person - James personally didn't think there was a Snape caring person - could help him.
"That was fun," chuckled Sirius, punching James lightly on the shoulder. "Shall we do that again this afternoon?"
James nodded enthusiastically, still wheezing for breath. "You know what I don't get, Sirius?"
Sirius gestured for him to continue.
"How I'm so out of breath… and you're so… calm. I do Quidditch. You don't. I'm with you when we hunt down Snape…" James asked uncomfortably, desperately wanting to know what was wrong with him, as he wanted to put in his resume if ever applying for a job: Never gets out of breath, speciality – Hunting down evil people.
"Unlucky, I guess," grinned Sirius, flexing his muscles idiotically, a smirk stuck on his face as he showed them off to James. "Bet they're stronger then your flabby ones, James."
James gasped, an incredulous look appearing on his face. "They are not flabby!" he said indignantly.
"If you're talking about Potter's muscles – then yes, they are."
A cheerful voice met them, even before James' looked up; he immediately guessed who it was.
"Evans!" he said offendedly. "My muscles are not flabby!"
"Are too."
"Are not."
"Are too."
"Are not."
"Are too."
"Compare them to Peter's muscles then!"
"Oh," the girl said understandably, nodding her head as if she followed what he was saying. "Yeh, I totally agree with that then. But Black has better muscles."
Sirius smiled smugly at James, flexing his muscles one last time before changing the subject. "Heard you got new pets, Evans?"
"Oh! Yes, they're just soooo cute!" gushed Lily, standing up and clapping her hands with delight. "I adore pygmy puffs! I have two, currently, but I think I'm going to get a whole bunch of them."
"Pygmy puf-puffs?" James stumbled over his words and started to shuffle his feet nervously. He didn't think that anyone would notice it, but he had turned remarkably pale. However, Lily was the observant one, and had always caught sight of anything unusual.
"Yes, Potter," smirked Lily. "Have a problem with them?"
"N-n-no," stammered James, trying to avoid Lily's glance. "The-they're just so cu-cute!"
"Sure," remarked Lily sceptically, now that James had turned a strange colour with his pale complexion and a tinge of green.
As you may have guessed, James didn't like pygmy puffs much. If a muggle had asked him what one was, he would have answered as quickly as the speed of sound, THEY ARE UGLY AND DISGUSTING PUFFS!
James hadn't always been so biased against pygmy puffs, but he had a very difficult situation with them, when he was a little kid.
It was one sunny afternoon, unusual in England, and James was bored. Now, when James is bored, what his mother would mostly do was to tuck him for a nap and give him a lollipop. He was five then, not sixteen.
As usual, James' mother tucked him into his bedcovers, kissed his forehead and walked out, planning to go grocery shopping.
James had an uncle who was currently boarding with them; due to that he accidentally lit his own house on fire. Mr Uncle was rather scatter-brained, and appeared to forget what he was planning to do every five minutes or so.
Mr Uncle had bought James a present, one little pygmy puff.
James loved his little pink puffball and kept it in his pocket for the whole time. Now, back to when James' was taking his little nap and dreaming of all things well around the world. While dreaming, Mr Uncle had sneaked off to a pet store, and bought twenty more pygmy puffs. He'd plan to throw them into James' room, as a lovely surprise, where James would be delighted and hug all his pygmy puffs into one large group hug.
All did not go as planned, as you probably figured out. James had awoken from his blissful nap and saw the twenty-one, pink, fluffballs chewing on his toy broomstick!
James, even at the ripe age of five, was a devoted Quidditch lover, and was immediately horrified to see that the handle of the broomstick was NEARLY BITTEN OFF! As was expected James burst into tears, ran to his mother's room and stayed there sobbing, till she came back home.
"I like pygmy puffs," cried Sirius enthusiastically, punching the air to emphasize what he had just said. "I think they're cute… other than the fact that they're pink. They should have white ones! Or BLACK ONES!"
"Harhar." Lily turned around distractedly back to James, feeling a slight bit of concern for her sometimes friend. James had now gone from a tinge of pale green, into a rather bright green and was now making puking motions, and waving for his friends to get out of the way.
"Are you alright, Potter?" she asked in a much gentler tone.
James, pushing Sirius and Lily out of the way, sprinted towards The Great Lake and promptly threw up.
"Ew," commented Sirius, staring at the green spit that was now floating about in the lake. "That's interesting."
Lily wrinkled her nose, and turned the other direction, preferring not to look at it. "That's disgusting."
James limped back to his friends, his hand on his heaving stomach. "Sorry," he said weakly, giving them an apologetic glance. "Just…yeh."
"Ate something wrong today, James?"
"No," said James. He then realized he could have just said yes, I ate something weird today, and left it at there. But no! He had to say no, and now have to explain about his hate and disgust for the ugly little puffballs.
Sirius and Lily were now staring curiously at him, well, Lily was; Sirius was still giggling over the green spit bubbles on the lake.
"It started like this." James heaved a deep breath and started to inform them of his traumatic experience, including many grand gestures and exclamation marks in it.
…
…
…
"…on my BROOMSTICK!"
Sirius gasped, knowing how much Quidditch meant to his friend, whereas Lily looked on with a befuddled expression. She scratched behind her ear, and wondered if she was supposed to be following all that James was talking.
"Isn't it a toy broomstick?" asked Lily blankly.
"That's not the point, Evans!" snapped James, and continued on ranting about how very important all his broomsticks, toy or not, were to him.
…
…
…
"And that's it," ended James, looking around for miserable and sympathetic faces.
"You're scared of pygmy puffs?" choked out Lily, trying to contain her laughter.
"Yes," said James sadly.
"That's so stupid, Potter!" exclaimed Lily, amusement showing plainly on her face. "Er," she corrected herself, when James shot her a glare. "What I meant was… we'll help you get over it… won't we, Black?"
Kay. Another new story.
I know. I've been writing at least everyday now. But thank god, I don't have to do the next chapter. Next chapter is (Cindy) and she's heaps better at writing then me. Make us happy and review? We would be so happy, jumping for joy happy, if we got like. Fifteen. But that's highly impossible, as we're posing for humour writers…
…when we're really not that funny.