Strictly Prohibited: Pygmy Puff Counselling: Conversations involving pink, pygmy puffs and intelligence
Disclaimer: As afore mentioned, we obviously don't own it dudes. You know why? Simply because J.K. Rowling would never write about Pygmy Puffs.
A/N: Alright, I'm good at laughing, but constructing stories based on humour is not my specialty. Go with me on that one, and you won't be wrong. Really. NL knows it too.
"Prongs! Prongs, man, wake up!"
James always knew he was blessed with the best friends possible.
"Alright, that's it, James, get out of bed before I kick your lazy sodding arse!"
Right. Where was he?
Ah, that's it. It was a glorious Sunday morning. Intuitively, James knew that Sunday mornings like these were used by intelligent people to sleep in and laze about. Unfortunately, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew were not the two brightest people in the world.
"Alright, I'm up! What is wrong with you two? Can't you even let a guy sleep in?" he asked, glasses askew as he struggled to get out of his bed.
When he finally managed to stand up, he crossed his arms and glared at his so-called 'buddies'.
"What? Evans wants to talk to you!" Sirius said, crossing his arms swiftly and leaning against the bedpost.
"Really? Okay, now I'm up!" Without another word, James ran across the room, brushed his teeth and got dressed.
"Uh, Sirius? Don't you think we should tell James about Lily's Pygmies?" Peter stuttered nervously.
A malicious grin spread across Sirius's face. "Nah. I think James needs to find out for himself!"
"Evans! What's… whoa!"
James halted rather suddenly as he approached his beloved redhead.
"Potter, what's the problem?" Lily asked wickedly, her eyes glinting with pent-up laughter.
This was the situation at hand. Lily Evans was currently surrounded by at least eight pink Pygmy Puffs. This made it so much more difficult for James to reach out and kiss her cheek, not that she would have let him anyway. The Pygmy Puffs were just an added protection.
Am I hallucinating? James thought to himself.
You know, if you were hallucinating, you really wouldn't be asking yourself that.
As his inner battle raged on, James became slightly aware of Lily's increased laughter.
"What exactly is so funny?"
Lily clutched her stomach while chuckling. "You! The look on your face was priceless, Potter! To think, the ladies' man of Hogwarts, afraid of Pygmy Puffs! Oh, this will be something Alice wants to hear about!"
James paled once again and clawed at his face worriedly. He groaned inwardly with frustration. The reputation he had worked so hard to achieve at this school, the fanclub he had acquired over the past six years, could very soon become history if any news of his weakness leaked out.
"Lily! Please, don't tell Alice! Or anybody else, actually. It would be terrible if you did!" James begged, kneeling on the floor.
Lily arched an eyebrow in response.
"Tell me, Potter dearest, why it would be so horrid if I told anyone?"
"That's easy, Evans. James is scared that everyone will know that he's scared of the colour pink. I know I am!" Sirius exclaimed as he strutted into the Common Room.
"Wait a minute. Padfoot, I'm not scared of the colour pink! Are you mad? I'm scared of Pygmy Puffs!" James whispered anxiously. He really didn't need anyone knowing that he really liked the colour pink.
"Pardon Prongs?
"I said, I'm scared of the creatures, not the colour!"
"I still can't hear you, Prongsie boy!"
"The creatures, idiot. Not the colour."
"What?" Sirius said, cupping his hand behind his ear. Really, he had to compliment himself. He was such a good actor!
"I said I'm afraid of the bloody Pygmy Puffs, not the colour pink! You know I like pink!" James finally exploded.
Unluckily for him, the rest of the Gryffindors had just come in from breakfast, and had heard his confession. Their expressions of shock and bemusement were guaranteed.
James glared at his best friend, horrified, while Sirius looked on smugly.
"James! That's great! I love the colour pink too!" Peter squeaked, breaking the tension-filled silence in the room.
James, Sirius and Lily stared at him in a unified manner, rather disturbed by his unexpected outburst.
"Alright, nothing to see here, go away people!" James yelled, his face flushed with embarrassment.
The Gryffindors went away, mumbling about pink-loving sixth-years and redheads sitting with Pygmy Puffs.
"James, I think it's sweet. Mon't mou wuv it mow Revans mave mou a mink Mygmy Muff?"
The four Marauders were sitting on their beds in the dormitory, discussing the latest developments in respect to Pygmy Puffs.
"You do realise, don't you Sirius, that we didn't get that last sentence? Maybe if you stopped being such a glutton for once, we might actually be able to understand your sentences!" Remus Lupin said exasperatedly, knowing that it was no use to tell Sirius Black to stop eating. That would be suicide.
Sirius launched into one of his famous 'why-food-is-so-great' speeches.
Yes. Definitely suicide.
"Okay, we get the point, Pad. Just stop talking AND eating at the same time, and we'll all be happy," James told his food-loving friend.
"You don't mind me asking, do you? What were you actually saying, Sirius?"
Sirius stared at his friends in a manner that made them think they had strawberry icing in their hair. In other words, as if they were crazy.
"Well, duh. I said: Don't you love it how Evans gave you a pink Pygmy Puff, James?"
"No!" came the response.
"Sirius! It's all your fault! Now everyone in Gryffindor knows that I like pink, and that Pygmy Puffs are my greatest weakness! How am I supposed to get a girl to kiss me now?"
Not for the first time, Remus wondered why exactly he had befriended the Marauders. After all, one of them couldn't stop eating to save himself, the other was a sixteen-year-old boy who talked like a ten-year-old girl and had a crazy obsession with wearing pink nightcaps, and the last boy seemed to love kissing girls more than life itself! One had to feel sorry for the bookworm of the quartet.
Always the sensible one, Remus managed to ask an important question. "Where is the Pygmy Puff at the moment, James?"
"Under my clothes somewhere," James replied off-handedly.
"WHAT?"
"On my bed, not my body, Moony!"
"Okay. I got scared for a moment there," Sirius said, shuddering.
Remus glared at him.
"What? I knew you would probably say something intelligent like: "Thank Merlin!" so I thought maybe I should answer for you!"
"How is the phrase 'Thank Merlin' intelligent?" Remus questioned.
"That's a hard one. Can I take a raincheck on that?" Sirius replied, surprised that his vocabulary consisted of words as big as 'intelligent' and 'raincheck'.
"I'm going to bed guys. Conversations with Pygmy Puffs as subjects scare me."
Guess who said that? Yep. The one and only James Potter!
I am so obviously not a better writer than NL. Hope y'all liked that chapter. Reviews are nice. I like reviews, don't you? Well, if you don't, just review anyway. Or else NL will do something terrible, like tease me about liking Maths or something. Okay. Next chapter is by NL, just so you know!