A/N Thank you so much everyone who reviewed! You guys make my day!

Chapter 13: Én Garde.. Touché!

"No! No! No! I have told you a thousand times before.. left foot first!"
"Yeah.. well.. beh!"
The swords clash against each other again, and after a few seconds, mine goes flying through the air.. again.

Will shakes his head and looks up in frustration.
"You must be the worst pupil I've ever had"
"Me? Well.. I've never.."
"No.. I can tell"
"I meant to say that I've never been more insulted in my life!"
"No? You're suffering from amnesia then?" A boyish grin spreads on his face.
"Oh just shut up you and continue being a teacher"

It all seemed such a great idea at the time.. Will teaching me how to handle a sword.. me becoming the greatest sword fighter the Spanish main has ever known.. and a woman too nonetheless.. and after a few hours of trying.. me going after Barbossa.. skewering him like a cow on a shiskebab.. saving Jack and Jasper.. and going home again...

Heck.. I could even make it home before dinner.. well.. in my head that is.. but it seems my head has been playing tricks on me again. Because.. it isn't as easy as it looks! First of all.. those bloody swords are heavy!

There I was.. with my big mouth at my first lesson.. I strode to the table on which my newly made sword lay.. picked it up.. and I couldn't even keep the point in the air! It is thát heavy!

So.. Will made me a shorter, lighter version.. and he promised me he'd be making me a rapier one of these days.. so he isn't teaching me the real swordplay right now.. he's teaching me how to fence. Whatever.. as long as I can defend myself against Barbossa..

But not even fencing is easy! I mean.. you have to watch your footing.. you have to watch your opponent.. you have to watch your own blade.. you have to have at least six pairs of eyes for all that.. I'm surprised I didn't even kill myself yet.

So.. for the last 2 weeks, Will and I have been practising for hours at end.. and I've had it up to here with the sword fighting.. En Garde.. Touché.. bleh.. Perhaps I should just barge into whatever room Barbossa is occupying.. and threaten him with a lawsuit unless he gives me my pirate captain and my boyfriend back.

"Ok.. one more time.. after that.. we'll take a break ok?"
Will is interrupted by a knock on the door.
"I've brought you two some food.. you two okay? Nobody dead or seriously injured by Lona?"
Oh, haha.. it's one thing to mock yourself.. it's a whole other thing to be mocked and laughed at by someone else.
"Come in Chloe" I sigh.
Wills taps his blade against mine, to draw my attention to the new duel.
Ok.. just.. don't think.
He attacks.. I block.. he steps that way.. I step this way.. he thrusts..

Ow! And I fall on my bum, losing my sword.. and were this a real fight.. I'd be very very dead by now.. or at least not very happy.

Will lifts my chin with the point of his sword, underlining the fact that I'm so not good at fencing.
"Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Sure I'm sure.. do you have any other suggestions?"
"Well.. how do you normally defend yourself?"
"Deodorant"
"Excuse me?"
"I use deodorant.. or hairspray.. don't worry. you probably wouldn't know it.. If some creep creeps up on me.. which is the things creeps do.. I'd spray some in their eyes.. then kick them where it really hurts.. then shout really hard for help"

Chloe, who has been standing there.. watching us fight.. taps her lower lip while thinking. Suddenly her face lights up.
"Lona.. the same thing would work with extremely salt water.. wouldn't it?"
I stand up and brush myself off, before replying
"Yeah.. probably.. or rum.. or any strong liquor for that matter.. but I can't just take a bucket and dunk it over their heads.."
Chloe hikes her skirts up and runs out of the room, leaving me and Will behind, flabbergasted.

"What did I say?"
"I don't know.. it sounded like a recipe for a drink Jack would love to try out someday"
"She wasn't upset was she?"
"Didn't seem so.. she'll be back.. want to try for another go?"
"No! I give up! I'm never going to learn this.."
Will looks at me.. a brief smile at his lips.
"That's a pity.. I just finished this for you yesterday"
He hands me a long rectangular package.. containing my new rapier.
"Whoa! Ok.. let's practise!"

Thrust.. parré.. and on the floor again.. but at least it went a little bit better.. and I look so much cooler with a blade!
Chloe bursts in again.. Mary following her close
"But it won't work I tell you!" the Sue yells. Chloe whirls around and faces the girl with an angry scowl on her face.
"And I tell you that you have to mind your own business! Now go away!"
Norrington picked that moment to burst into the room too
"Miss Lona! I got news about Barbossa's whereabouts!"

Exasperated I run my fingers through my hair, taking in the scene.
"Ok.. everybody.. just.. calm down.. Norrington.. you first.. where is Barbossa?"
"My informants tell me he is in his office just down Ribaut Road, I could easily lead you to it"
Mary gasps in shock
"No Jamey! It's too dangerous.. he is searching for you!"
Jamey? I try to cock my eyebrow.. but since I've never been able to do that I'll just settle for raising them both at James. Who has chosen to ignore my eyebrows and is just staring back.. emotionless.
"Unfortunately I have to agree with Mary, James.. you're a wanted man.. they know you.. I'll go with Will"
Will keeps quiet and just nods his approval.
"Next in line...Chloe.. what's all this fuss about?"
"I have a vaporizer! In case of emergency.. you could use it to defend yourself!"
Mary flicks her wonderful, flawless hair back over her shoulder, rolling her amber coloured eyes in disgust.
"It'll never work.. how can a liquid defeat a strong build man?"
Ah.. so this Sue doesn't understand the power of the modern day woman?

"I would gladly show it to you?" I offer in my sweetest voice, with my most persuasive smile.
"A strong woman like you could easily be compared to a strong, muscular pirate.. couldn't you?"
Mary glances at the grinning faces of Chloe and me.. a bit uncertain about her coming answer
"Yes?" she hazards.
Chloe jumps up, grabs a bottle of rum out of the cupboard and fills the vaporizer with the vile drink. I position Mary right in front of me.

"Ok.. now you pretend to be a big mean piratey machine.. okay?"
"Okay.. aaarrrrgghh.. I'm gonna.. -Lona sprays rum in Mary's eyes- aaaaaah.. my eyes! My eyes! I'm blind! You wench! You -censored for quite a long period of time.. it seems Mary Sue could teach the average pirate a thing or two-

I nod at Chloe..
"Ok.. so much for plan A.. I dare say we're ready for plan B"

Short one this is.. I'll do better next time.. was a little bit busy today.. Love you all!