I'm alive! This is a very smutty chapter, you've been warned.
Dani was overbearing, painfully so. Jade could hardly make an attempt to distance her mother from Tori, but she was too distracted by Tori's dark eye shadow that she only wore on rare occasions.
"You are just the prettiest thing!"
"Thank you!" Tori flashed a smile, her eyebrows moving in a different shape with every new question Jade's mom asked.
"Where'd you get the shirt?"
"It actually used to be Trina's shirt, so I don't know."
Jade suddenly snapped out of her dirty imagination. "Oh my God, ew! "
"Oh, shut up. It's a shirt, not underwear!"
" AGH, Tori!"
Dani's eyes darted between the two girls. "Huh, yeah. This dynamic still hasn't changed. You're really dating?"
Jade's arms folded over her stomach. "Yeah," she murmured under her breath.
Tori's eyes narrowed on Jade. "What's the problem?"
The other laughed breathily, bumping her shoulder into the brunette's. "Nothing! Sorry. Just a little scarred from the thought of you borrowing Trina's-"
"Okay, yeah. You know, let's be done with this conversation," Tori agreed, her eyes softening with Jade's returning glance.
Dani watched the quick dispute transform into a very tender gaze between the two girls. Jade didn't look at Beck that way, ever. Not that her mom ever saw, at least. Dani's voice caused Jade's eyes to look back up at her. "Okay, I'll be out with Mike. Be safe!"
"You told my parents that Cat would be here too, right?" Tori asked with sudden concern. It made her feel vile, asking Jade's mom to lie for them, but she was the only adult in the picture that was going to be cool with an overnight.
Dani chuckled and nodded her head. "Yes, and I got them a bottle of wine so they can distract themselves for the night."
Jade scoffed. "Wow, that's thoughtful of you," sarcasm coating her voice.
Her mother rolled her eyes, the exact same way Jade always does, Tori noticed. "Let me know if you need anything, be safe," Dani held one arm out to wrap around Jade's shoulders, to which Jade reluctantly agreed. Tori's lip twitched as she watched Jade's mom walk out the door.
"That wasn't a hug," Tori pointed out as Jade sighed.
"I don't like when she touches me, it makes me feel gross."
The brunette's lips pressed together. "Why?"
"Because she's… her. I don't know."
Tori wanted to ask more, but knew Jade had some familial problems that she didn't usually share with people. "Okay, well you need a real one," she finally gave in, shuffling her feet to get to Jade quickly. Tori felt her girlfriend giggle in the embrace as Jade's fingers intertwined with themselves as her arms settled at Tori's lower back. Tori has always been a hugger, but this was different. Intimate and heavy.
Once she broke away, Tori turned to the counter. "Alright, what are we making?"
Jade blinked. "Oh, you wanted to cook?" Fuck, I would have bought groceries if I had known.
Tori scoffed. "Yeah, why wouldn't we?"
Blue eyes fell to the floor before Jade stammered. "Um, well I-I don't know-"
"We don't have to cook if you want to order out or something," Tori hesitated. She was unsure where the sudden anxiety was bubbling from. "What's wrong?"
"Um, I just don't really know if we have much to cook."
The brunette scowled. "Dani doesn't buy groceries?"
"No, she eats out constantly."
"Oh, well I guess you just have to come to the Vega household for dinner more often" Tori laughed lightly.
Jade's eyes widened. "Yeah, it went so well the first time," she smirked.
"Yeah, absolutely nothing went wrong. Alright, well I like pizza. I'll buy."
Jade rolled her eyes. "No, let me. I invited you over."
Tori shrugged. "Alright," she began while cocking an eyebrow. "So you'll call the pizza place then, too?"
Jade let out a small whine, and of course, Tori's mind ran with the small noise. "Whyyyy," she croaked.
"Of course you're the type of person who hates calling for things like this," Tori smirked and pulled her phone out of her pocket.
Jade folded her arms and leaned against the counter. "Well, what is that supposed to mean?!"
"It's cute, you're softer than you let on," Tori stated simply while Googling the phone number for pizza.
Jade bit her bottom lip and became aware of her clenched jaw. "Don't start with me, Tori."
Tori's eyes flashed up at Jade's as she held the phone to her ear. "I don't mind calling, don't worry, babe."
Jade's pouting ceased at the endearment Tori's voice muttered. The brunette immediately blushed, giving away her complete embarrassment by gasping at her own words, which then irritated her throat and sent her into a coughing fit.
"Hi, can I order for delivery?"
Tori felt Jade's cold fingers lightly brush over her arm. "Let's pick it up," she whispered.
Brown eyes fell to Jade's hand as the person on the other line asked for the address. "Nevermind, we'll pick it up."
"Sure thing, what can I get you?" Jade heard faintly from Tori's phone. Her fingers froze on her girlfriend's bronze skin. Soft, perfect, mesmerizing. Tori's throat was closing up the longer Jade's fingers lingered.
"Um," the brunette shook her head to refocus. "Just a large pepperoni."
"Cheese," Jade corrected.
Tori cleared her throat. "Sorry, just cheese." Her voice cracked when Jade lifted one of Tori's hands to study it. What is she looking at? My nails are so gross right now. Her hands are really soft. This is weirdly hot. Fuck.
"Um, nope that'll be it," Tori spoke softly, finally making eye contact with the other. Jade nonchalantly let go of her hand and proceeded to walk away without explanation, causing Tori to flail her limbs frantically before she was able to hang up.
"Okay, thanks! Bye!" She finally set her phone on the counter. "What was that about?!"
Jade's glance was void of emotion. "What?"
"You, you picked up my hand, and-and just, looked at it! What was that?"
The other shrugged. "I like your hands."
Tori tilted her head back with frustration. "That's a bizarre thing to like and I don't believe you. I have weird hands."
Jade smirked. "It's not bizarre. There's a reason I like them."
"A reason you're not telling me," Tori added. "What is it?"
Finally, the dark-haired girl broke her nonchalant streak and chuckled. "You could do so many things with your hands."
One would think Tori would have caught on by now, but her mind was still in white noise panic mode. "This is true."
Jade rolled her eyes and stepped toward Tori. "You're so innocent and so not at the same time," she spoke with a gravelly tone.
Tori's eyes shot wide open at an instant at the realization. "OH! I was ordering a pizza, Jade! How does that make you think of… Why?!"
Jade's lips neared Tori as she closed her body in on her girlfriend, pushing Tori's back against the counter. "You ask a lot of questions."
God she's going to drive me insane. "Well, I do have a lot to learn."
"Then it's a good thing we both know now that you learn quite quickly," Jade's whispering voice emphasized the consonants of the ending of the sentence. It was curiously attractive to Tori, and she would have replied with another question if Jade's lips weren't in the way. It was thrilling to be kissing a girl, kissing Tori in her own home. It felt rebellious, wrong but right at the same time, and the thought of taking things even further in her room later made her impatience unbearable.
Tori broke away as her stomach flipped. "God, I just had a horrible feeling."
Jade's hand was on Tori's arm again. "What's wrong?"
Meanwhile, Tori's heartbeat almost seemed stronger in her ears than in her chest. "I don't know." She squirmed out of Jade's hold and turned her face away.
"Do you need anything?" Jade spoke softly, fighting every urge to not panic herself and say something she might regret.
You are literally living your dream right now, why does the anxiety need to happen now? Why now?! This doesn't make sense, something great is happening right now! "Maybe water," Tori replied as her leg started to shake. Jade noticed, but quickly bounced from the cabinet to the faucet and back to her girlfriend with a glass.
"Here, sit down. You're okay," Jade pulled a chair out for Tori at the table. Tori almost didn't want to sit at the table, she wanted her bed. She wanted the sun to go down, for the world to go dark, for everything to stop so she could stop. But that can't happen. As much as Tori wished for it, it wouldn't happen.
Jade watched as Tori's trembling hand reached for the glass of water. She took a sip and put the glass down slowly. Her shoulders were caved in and her eyes were fixed on the candles in the center of the table. "Do you mind if I rub your back?"
Tori tried to blink a few times, hoping she would find the motivation to fix her posture that she knew was currently horrendous. She couldn't move, not yet. "No, I'd like that."
As soon as she felt Jade's hand brush over her spine, she began to feel better. She still didn't move, but her eyes welled with tears. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, you're okay." Jade's heart broke as she sighed. "What are you feeling?"
"I don't know, I just had this feeling like my stomach was flipping come out of nowhere."
Jade's worry melted away. "That might just be butterflies."
The brunette laughed upon realizing the potential truth. "I mean, I am scared."
"Of what?"
Tori didn't want to say, but figured she could trust Jade of all people to understand. "Just, messing up."
"Messing up what?" Jade shook her head, though she knew exactly what Tori meant. Dating is horrifying, especially given their circumstances.
"Everything," Tori croaked. She tried to return her focus to Jade's hand down her back. Maybe it was all a mistake, this shouldn't be happening if Tori's going to panic every time they kiss. But it hasn't happened every time, so why now?!
"You mean with us?" Jade asked softly. Tori nodded. "You won't."
"But how do you know?"
"Doesn't matter, I support you and we're going to get through this thing. Together."
Tori shook her head. "We don't even know what that means."
"I didn't say I did know what it means. I said we're going to get through this thing together."
You can't make promises this soon. Because you'll say things like this, I'll have hope in it, and then I'll fuck something up somehow. "What about you? You have enough of your own stuff to handle."
"Everybody does. And I'm getting better," Jade insisted.
"But I don't want you to get worse with all of this stuff with me-"
"Tori, I know you're worried but my answer is not going to change. We are going to get through this."
The brunette tilted her head back and inhaled a shaky breath. "Okay."
"Do you believe me?" Jade asked as her eyes flickered down Tori's neck.
"I don't know," Tori admitted through a laugh. "I want to."
"Okay, that's okay. I have a lot to learn, but if my questions are ever overbearing or you are overwhelmed, please tell me. I won't be upset with you."
Tori nodded, silent tears still rolling down her face while her head fell to Jade's shoulder. "Okay."
Jade hummed a low tone while her hand brushed over Tori's back. "Dating isn't fun if you let yourself be scared all the time. Trust me, I know."
Tori scowled. "Well, how do you not do that?"
The other scoffed. "Honestly, I don't know. That's why Beck and I broke up. I was never not scared to be with him."
The brunette didn't like the sound of this. "Why?"
Jade raised an eyebrow. "You really want to talk about this right now? Like, my ex and my last relationship?"
Tori blinked. She didn't see what was so wrong with it. "Yeah, I do."
Well, that's new, Jade thought. "Okay, uhh… I felt like he had interest in other girls all of the time. And he would always do this thing where he talked to me like I was a toddler. He'd get this condescending, demeaning tone of voice that just made me feel scared. Unwanted."
"That's awful, I'm sorry," Tori muttered, her eyes now glued to her own fidgeting hands.
"It's okay," Jade whispered. "And you want to know what?"
"Hmm?"
"I'm not scared to be with you. I'm not scared of your situation, I'm not scared of the anxiety, I'm not scared of anything about you... Except for your dad."
This finally got Tori to genuinely laugh, which made Jade's heart glow. She continued, "You make me feel safe, and I hope that I can learn to make you feel the same way."
"You do make me feel safe," Tori's voice cracked. "I'm just sometimes not safe in my own head."
Jade's lips pressed together. "I understand that. I do, a lot. Whenever you feel that way please tell me and I'll do whatever I can, okay?"
"Okay," Tori agreed before pressing her head into Jade's shoulder. "Sorry."
"Don't say sorry, there's no need to," Jade's fingers quickly ran over Tori's soft hair. "I bet pizza would make you feel better."
"It definitely would," Tori's muffled voice sounded. The smell of Jade's hair product itself was comforting to Tori. And she could actually think these thoughts without guilt, because it wasn't creepy anymore, just intimate.
"Okay, let's go... babe," Jade chuckled as she stood from her chair.
Tori's jaw fell open. "Don't make fun of me! It just slipped out!"
"It was cute," Jade reassured softly before kissing Tori's forehead. The brunette's heart skipped a beat, and even after the flooding reassurance and words of affection, that sour stomach feeling returned almost immediately.
It's just butterflies. Let yourself be happy.
The sun was setting, emitting its warm orange color onto the cityscape. It was at least four times a day that Tori would notice these ordinary yet simply beautiful things and remember once again how she almost lost her life. She wonders if she would have been able to watch over everyone from above, watch them live out the rest of their lives without her. She figures it would be torture and she'd rather just be dead without the liminal consciousness. And so when thoughts of this topic come up so frequently, something as simple as a sunset on a regular afternoon, driving back home to eat pizza that seems utterly beautiful and makes her tear up. And she feels incredibly awkward thinking about her near-death experience while clinging to a pizza box in her lap and holding back tears.
And Jade knows Tori's eyes are welling in the passenger's seat, but she doesn't bring attention to it. In fact, she's holding strong and refraining from crying herself. She imagines what Tori might be feeling or thinking about. Of course, it's accident-related, but does it scare her being in the car in the evening? Maybe she has guilt for being away from her parents? Maybe she is just feeling sad because she's been through a lot and is tired of battling her thoughts constantly. Whatever it is, Jade knows not to ask. So she starts singing along with the song she has playing on her stereo.
And Jade's voice is silky and endearing, and exactly what Tori needs for her heart rate to return to normal.
Tori wasn't paying attention to the plot. Her mind was everywhere but the plot. Only twenty minutes had passed, but it seemed like an hour. Jade was focused on the show, so Tori thought maybe she's the only one feeling awkward. Aren't we supposed to like, make out at some point? That's what normal people do, right?"
Jade definitely wanted to do that as well but didn't want to make any advances yet. In fact, she was hardly ever comfortable making advances. But she was beginning to realize that she would have to frequently, as Tori now sees her as the experienced one. She noticed the brunette was stiff next to her. Tori's arms folded tightly over her stomach, her feet stuck to the floor, not even up on the couch like Jade's.
"Are you cold?" Jade asked softly.
"Not really," Tori responded while scrunching her nose and coming back into focus. "Why?"
"You just look cold with your arms, I don't know."
"Oh, no. Just zoning out." Just dissociating, again.
Jade was aware Tori had been doing that more often but figured she had her own ways of handling it best. "Got it. We can watch something else if you want," she offered. She felt silly keeping the attention off Tori but was too nervous to advance to even touch her.
"No, this is fine. I think? It's kind of weird."
"It's supposed to be. It's not everyone's jam, we really don't have to watch it," Jade grimaced, she should have known Tori wouldn't be into Bates Motel.
"I really like her though," Tori started to smile. "She's uh, nice."
Jade turned her head to capture Tori's smirk. "Nice?"
And then the other blushed. "Well, nice to uh... look at."
"If you're into blondes just say so," Jade chuckled as she turned her head back to the TV screen. Vera Farmiga was nice to look at, Jade couldn't argue.
"No!" Tori cried, cowering her face away and laughing into a pillow.
Jade threw her head back and laughed while brushing Tori's arm. "I'm joking."
Tori recovered eventually and brought her eyes back to the TV. "Isn't he the kid who played August Rush in that movie a while ago? I loved that movie!"
The other rolled her eyes. "Of course you did."
"What?! I thought it was really sweet. I really liked his mom in that, too."
"Damn, Tori. I thought you and Holly got along?"
Tori turned her head and glanced at Jade with such obliviousness across her face. "What?"
Jade cleared her throat and looked away. "Nevermind."
"We do, not all the time. But for the most part."
Jade's heart hammered in her chest but decided it was best to refrain from asking for details. "That's fair."
Tori sighed and tilted her head back to face the ceiling. "I don't know what to do."
Jade fixed her posture. "What do you mean?"
"I don't know, I-I'm probably boring you."
"No! Not at all. I am always watching shows, this isn't boring to me."
"Well, yeah but we're supposed to be like, on a date. I just don't even know what that means. Or what we should be doing. Or if…" Tori trailed off, but the words she wanted to say got caught.
Jade knew where this was going and began to nod. "Nothing needs to happen that you don't feel ready for."
Tori exhaled through a laugh as her eyes looked away. "No, I know. I just... don't want to be disappointing I guess."
"Nothing you do or don't do will make me think that. There is absolutely no pressure, okay?"
"Well, I know… I do want to… you know."
Brown eyes glistened in a way that Jade had never seen before. And Jade knew it was for her. So her nerves acted up, but she wouldn't let them get the best of her. "Want to what?"
Tori's fixed attention faltered. " You know… "
"... Kiss?" Jade teased with a laugh.
"Definitely that. But, like what we did in the car the other day. And maybe… more."
"I want that too," Jade whispered as her blue eyes flickered over Tori's lips. "So what are you waiting for?"
Tori froze, her heartbeat now in her throat as Jade slowly leaned forward. The brunette's eyes fluttered shut at the contact of their lips, soft and simple. The sound of their lips parting had Tori immediately starving for more, so she leaned back in. Jade hummed softly at the sudden initiative, and before she knew it Tori's hand was on her knee. And in a split second, Tori was flipping the roles.
She had gained some confidence in knowing Jade had already come to learn how she kisses, and still wanted her. Whatever she was doing before was fine, so she wouldn't worry about that anymore. Jade could tell Tori was more confident, as if her whole nervous introduction hadn't occurred seconds ago; she was easily navigating Jade's movements, hinting tongue, and lingering hands. While Tori wanted to creep her fingers up Jade's inner thigh immediately, she knew she should drag this process on quite a bit. So, one of her hands reached for Jade's breast, pulling a longer hum from the fair-skinned girl.
Jade pulled her head back, sharply inhaling as her lips parted slightly. "I just love when you do that," she sighed before her hand pressed lightly into Tori's collarbone. Tori accepted the pushback and allowed Jade to take the lead. Her fingertips lightly grazing along Tori's collarbones as they kissed made Tori shiver. She loved all of these new sensations that are always heightened when she's with Jade, loved them so much she felt like she could become addicted. Tori's mind had been admittedly vulgar since the other night in Jade's car, she would be zoning out at any point in the day just to remember how hot Jade's breath was against her ear and how desperate she was for Tori's touch.
Tori's back slowly fell to the couch as Jade pushed her shoulders down. Jade's eyes glowed as she hovered on top of Tori, her knees on either side of Tori's hips and straddling her. The brunette noticed a warmth growing at her center when she turned her head to the side and allowed Jade to start at her neck with a gentle kiss. Jade noticed the legs beneath her jolt when her tongue made contact with Tori's skin. All it took was teeth lightly digging in amidst sucking lips to make Tori finally whimper. Jade humbly laughed as she sealed the area with a kiss, and then moved closer to Tori's ear, finding another spot to repeat the process. She took in the floral scent of her girlfriend's hair and the taste of her sweet skin. Tori's hands clenched at the other's cami at her sides when Jade let out a satisfied hum. She persisted with her lips and tugging teeth as Tori's hands found Jade's long hair. Her fingertips glided down her girlfriend's back, finding comfort in Jade's spine as her curious fingers felt every rigid bone. When Jade's lips returned to Tori's, the brunette's hands found a new home on Jade's hip bones.
They kissed a few more moments, the heat and intensity of the moment instantly fading when a chilling scream on the TV interrupted their focus. The two burst into laughter as Jade pulled off of Tori immediately and reached for the remote. "God, she's nice looking but her voice really is shrill when she's pissed."
Tori felt slightly lightheaded from all the stimulation but was fervent to continue what they had started. "Maybe we could go somewhere else?"
Jade smirked. "Well, of course, I wasn't going to fuck you on the living room couch," Jade spoke quietly as a sly smile grew across her face. "Follow me upstairs."
The dark-haired girl held her hand out for Tori to take, pulled her off of the couch, and made her way to the stairs. Tori's mouth was dry as she watched the other's walk, her hips, how her arms swayed, her ass. It was all somehow so enticing and mesmerizing. The house looked a bit less updated upstairs. Still nice, but clearly a lot more work had recently been done to the downstairs. Jade's room was especially clean, candles already lit and a collage of deep reds and greys. She would have spent more time studying the surroundings, but Jade's hand locked with Tori's and led her to the full-sized bed with a soft black blanket over it. Tori climbed on top while her hands stayed on Jade's arms to pull her in. She wondered if Jade's lipstick was blending with her lip gloss as they began kissing again. It wasn't long before Jade's fingers traced down Tori's chest and underneath her shirt. Her fingers lazily traced shapes just barely outside of the other's bra while Tori's hands found the back of Jade's bra over her clothing.
"Are you still okay?" Jade asked once pulling back. She studied Tori's serene brown eyes, and how they seemed to smile back at her in response.
"Mhm," Tori squirmed underneath Jade, pushing her hands against the other's back to bring their lips back together.
Jade only allowed one quick kiss before speaking again. "I'm going to keep asking periodically, just to be sure."
"That's okay," was the response before Tori got what she wanted again. Jade moved carefully around the edge of Tori's bra, taking her time to nudge the fabric away to gain access to her nipple. She heard a sharp inhale as her index finger lightly traced slow circles around it, timing how many short seconds it would take for it to become erect. It was almost instant, causing Jade to lazily laugh through a hum.
"You keep stopping our kisses," Tori exhaled as Jade's finger used more force.
"Yeah, I like to look at what I'm doing sometimes."
Brown eyes rolled back when Jade pinched down on her nipple as Tori's hips shifted underneath her. " God-"
"Let's get this off," Jade suggested in a hushed tone, making eye contact with Tori as she reached for the hem of her shirt. The brunette awkwardly reached her arms over her head, only for Jade to tease her further. "Okay, you have to help me a little bit."
Tori was so eager that once she had her long sleeve off, she sat up a bit and reached back to unhook her own bra quickly. Jade's eyes widened as this was the first time seeing Tori's upper body fully nude. "Oh, that's… helpful, but not what I meant."
The brunette frowned. "Oh, you just meant…" she pressed her hand to her head and giggled, but Jade could hardly notice Tori's embarrassment over her current sight. Even better than what Jade had imagined, and bigger than she imagined, to her surprise.
"It's okay, I'm definitely okay with this too," Jade lowered herself again. Tori inhaled, hissing through her teeth in anticipation before the other's hand had even touched her skin. She watched as Jade's pale fingers returned to their previous spot, one finger moving slow but triggering a million nerves to make Tori tremble. Then Jade moved quickly to kiss just under Tori's ear, then lower down her neck, then over her collarbone… Tori savored every single feeling, every kiss feeling better than the last. Even before Jade's lips fixed around her nipple, the skin over her breast was more sensitive than she previously realized. Or Jade's lips were just that electrifying no matter where they were, Tori thought. And then they were finally where she wanted them most, sensually teasing and tugging Tori's nipple with her teeth, giving a small tug every now and then. She would release her lips, her hot breath sprawling over the area while her warm tongue still circled, sending the brunette to places she hadn't discovered until this moment. The whole process repeated when Jade moved to the other side.
Jade's hand was sliding down Tori's torso now, eventually taking a turn to hold her hip as Jade lifted herself to kiss the other's lips. The fingers down Jade's back abruptly stopped before Tori's voice sounded weak and raspy. "How are you still wearing any clothes? That's not fair."
"Fair point," Jade sighed and shrugged her flannel off before tossing it onto the floor. Tori was surprised how much the sound of the fabric hitting the floor excited her, but the sight of Jade pulling off her black cami was even more thrilling. Blue eyes flickered over the other girl's face, focusing on the tongue that glided between Tori's teeth. "Don't be shy."
Tori lowered her head slightly to bring her mouth to Jade's neck first, leaving a trail of kisses from her collarbone down over her breasts. Eventually, Jade let her upper body fall to the mattress, allowing Tori to crawl on top this time. She studied Jade's perfect body, practically sparkling skin, and all of the hidden freckles on Jade's arms and torso that she had never seen. She is so beautiful, I cannot believe how lucky I am. Jade noticed Tori's eyes as they feasted on the sight of her own exposed skin, beaming at the admiration and sensuality of her gaze alone.
The brunette snapped back into focus and lowered her head over Jade's chest. Her lips planted a kiss on Jade's breast once again before her tongue gilded exploratively over the other's smooth skin. Her hand reached up and cupped around her girlfriend's soft breast over her bra, making Jade moan again. It was only seconds before Tori's satisfaction with her limited access expired and she was pulling the cup of Jade's bra aside rather aggressively. Jade's breath hitched when her girlfriend's lips latched onto her nipple, causing her to squeeze her eyes shut as her head tilted back. Tori's eyes flickered up, the sight of Jade's jaw and chin as her head was still tilted back convincing her to keep going. The brunette reached behind Jade's back to unhook her bra, and after some failed attempts and embarrassed laughter throughout, it finally unhooked. This time, the excitement was different when Tori dropped Jade's clothes to the floor herself. The sound when it hit the floor caused twice the level of excitement as the first time.
The brunette wasn't expecting Jade to suddenly sit up to and was even more thrown off by Jade's hand to close gently around the base of her neck to prevent her from going back to her previous spot. "Do you mind my hand here?"
Tori wished Jade's hand was stronger. "Not at all," she croaked.
Her wishes were soon granted as Jade's fingers closed a little tighter. "So I can do this to redirect you?"
She was sure her panties were soaking by now. "Yes."
"Okay," Jade whispered before pushing Tori's back to lie her down again. "And I guess I'm just going to ask you… I'd really love to go down on you, is that okay?"
"Yes," Tori laughed, though her body was already trembling with nervousness alone.
"All you have to say is 'stop' and I will," she responded sincerely, her hand on Tori's shoulder and her thumb rubbing over her skin.
"Yeah, I doubt that will happen," Tori whispered. "But thank you."
Jade smiled warmly, but she herself was as, if not more nervous than the other. This was her first time with a girl too, but she had thought about this moment in detail a thousand times. Now that it's actually arrived, it's much more intimidating than she had anticipated. She started by unbuttoning Tori's jeans, to which Tori lifted her hips and let Jade pull them all the way down and pull off her ankles. When she lifted her head again, Tori's knees were in the air, thighs pressed together. Jade gave Tori a calm and reassuring glance as she slowly used her hands to separate Tori's legs so she could lower herself to the other's torso with her body between Tori's toned thighs. The brunette shivered at realizing her own vulnerability in the hands of her stunning girlfriend.
The pale girl pressed her lips to her girlfriend's toned stomach, just below her breasts. Her skin was sweet, ever so soft as usual. These little freckles kisses all over someone's body weren't something Tori was used to watching on her phone in bed late at night, let alone ever recall experiencing. She felt overwhelmingly adored, desired, worthy. With every next little kiss, Tori's heart began to pound harder. She was moving lower, and lower, and just when Tori thought Jade would need to remove her panties, her lips found Tori's inner thigh. The brunette whined desperately, a noise she had never heard herself make, a noise that made Jade's patience instantly disappear. The small kisses stopped, then Jade wrapped both of her arms around Tori's thighs. Brown eyes watched the other's as Jade moved her head down slowly so her tongue just barely slid over the fabric of Tori's panties.
Tori exhaled, her eyebrows perking upward and her lips forming an "o" as Jade's eyes remained fixed on the other's. And Jade's tongue started lower, and Tori couldn't help but whine again at the warm and slow-moving sensation. Just take the fucking panties off, I need this. Now.
" God," Tori shuddered while she closed her eyes. "Please."
Jade laughed through a hum, using a finger to trace over the area instead. "You are so unfairly hot."
Another sigh from Tori's lips. " You are. Please , Jade."
Blue eyes were dark with desire before Jade's hands unwrapped themselves from around Tori's legs, and finally pulled the other's underwear down slowly, the last article of Tori's clothing left to throw on the floor. The brunette's heart was in her throat as Jade made that nearly devious eye contact while her arms returned to their positions wrapped around Tori's thighs.
Jade's head lowered again, her mouth finally making contact where her girlfriend needed it most. Tori's legs jolted as she was taken to a new realm of stimulation, a realm that felt undoubtedly dirty; as though she was misbehaving but couldn't care because it felt so right. At first, it was just her tongue, one light swipe starting low and moving all the way up. And then she moved down further, pressing her tongue in slightly at her opening, then with more force as she moved up. And this process repeats, each time causing Tori to tense more than the last. Jade couldn't imagine a better taste, something that was brand new became comforting within seconds.
Tori's eyes were closed now so she was able to focus on every feeling throughout her body. She knew Jade's eyes were still watching over her, checking for reactions and how her face moved, and when the fair-skinned girl closed her lips around Tori's clit, she was pleased with the shuddering exhale that resulted. And Jade focused there, slowly and gently, making sure to explore every inch with her tongue. Tori's thoughts melted away with the rising temperature of her skin. There was no time to spend worrying if Jade was satisfied with her anatomy, which is what her primary concern was minutes ago, but with the way Jade was completely immersing herself, she would accept that it was likely just fine. While she was resisting the urge of reaching climax too soon, she was mentally taking notes with Jade's every move so when it came her time to return the favor to Jade, she had an idea of what works best.
Jade released her lips for a moment and returned to the slow tongue swipes she started with. She hummed in satisfaction and brought her fingers to Tori's center when the two locked eyes once again. "You taste amazing."
Before Tori could coherently respond, Jade pushed one finger inside Tori who moaned with pleasure. "And you're so wet," Jade added, her voice smooth like silk and low in her register.
Tori wondered how loud her outburst in reaction to Jade's words was when she suddenly feared someone would hear. No one is home, but fuck, I hope I'm not being annoying. "Sorry," somehow was the word that escaped her mouth.
Jade's eyes looked upward again as she curled her finger upward inside of Tori. "Sorry? For what?"
"The whining, I can't help it," the other panted as the friction of Jade's finger felt almost too good.
The blue-eyed girl quickly brought her lips to Tori's clit once again and left a small kiss. "It's exactly what I want."
And another helpless moan sounded from Tori. " Fuck," she hissed when Jade began slowly pumping her finger while simultaneously sucking on the other's clit. "Holy shit…"
Jade was pleased with her own success so far as her chin was now drenched with Tori's arousal. It was so hard to choose whether she wanted to race toward the finish line, or spend hours just tasting Tori. One was rewarding for both, and one was selfish. And with how needy Tori's whines and moans are sounding, Jade was beginning to decide that her girlfriend deserved everything she wanted and more.
So she waited until Tori's small whimpers died down as she had adjusted to the new stimulations to push a second finger inside. That's when Tori's back arched and her hands clenched at the sheets underneath her. Jade's tongue now fluttered over Tori's hard clit when another procession of whimpers tumbled from the brunette's lips.
"Oh, oh my God," Tori pressed a hand to her head in an attempt to cool her overheating body. Jade did not cease her actions, she kept her rhythm and her eyes on her girlfriend's beautiful face that was hinting at the beginning of the end. Jade was too curious to tease anymore, she craved the satisfaction from getting her partner off as much as Tori was craving her own release. The brunette could feel her center throbbing around Jade's fingers, and Jade felt it too. She kept her steady pace, increasing the tempo ever so slightly with both her fingers and tongue as Tori's vocalizations became more frequent and high-pitched.
When Tori's fingers knotted in the hair on top of Jade's head, she knew she was about to let herself go. As Jade persisted, Tori's hips began to tremble which led to her whole body tensing at the height of her pleasure. Finally, she felt the wave of warmth spread across her body, her toes uncurling and fingers easing off of Jade's hair as she realized how long she had been tense. There were a few seconds when Tori felt nothing, all of her nerves had been halted by the first orgasm that had physically exhausted her enough to the point of forgetting that time exists.
Jade waited for Tori to open her eyes, her tongue still lazily lapping over Tori's center. Once Tori could think clearly again, her lips pulled into a smile as she brought her hands to her head. "Fuck, Jade."
Her girlfriend's voice was like music to her ears as Jade finally lifted her head and released her arms around Tori's thighs. "Yeah?"
Tori didn't know how to describe this entire experience, what to say, how to go on from here. All she could feel was a layer of sweat coating practically every inch of her body. "That was… amazing, crazy, so hot- I don't even know what to say."
The dark-haired girl had been bringing herself to hover over Tori's body once again, and the glow on her girlfriend's flushed face just about melted her heart. " You're amazing. And sexy, and just-"
Tori grabbed Jade's face abruptly and crashed her cold lips into Jade's warm, swollen lips. The brunette was startled at the taste of her own arousal on Jade's lips, another stunning new experience making Tori's heart skip a beat. She could feel Jade smiling through the kiss and suddenly had the urge to cry. That's so awkward, just don't.
"So like, was I… okay?" Tori asked nervously.
Jade blinked with a light scowl. "Of course, you were perfect. Was I okay?"
Tori glared at Jade. "Well I don't know, you tell me! You just made me forget where I was for a solid thirty seconds," she laughed. "But I mean, like, you had to like…"
Blue eyes narrowed on Tori, who for the life of her couldn't muster up the courage to use words relating to the anatomy that Jade just had her face in. "…Be down there," she finally finished.
"If you're asking if it was pleasant to eat you out, I seriously didn't want to stop," Jade smirked as she rubbed Tori's leg reassuringly.
Tori's eyes sparkled with happiness. "Ugh, I was so nervous about that."
"I think everyone is at first," Jade agreed. She brought a hand up to Tori's face and gently rubbed her thumb over her girlfriend's warm cheek. "Who knew I'd ever make Tori Vega cum?"
Tori beamed and continued to refrain from crying at Jade's tenderness. "Yeah, I thought you hated me?"
Jade rolled her eyes. "No." And then the I love you thought popped in her head again. Tori was almost wishing Jade would say it, but too thought that it was too soon. Too frightening, too vulnerable. Too promising within a time of such an uncertain future.
"I seriously feel like I could fall asleep. But I feel bad because I should be returning the favor."
The pale girl shook her head. "No, that's totally normal. And honestly, I'm tired, too. You should definitely pee and shower, though."
"Are you sure?" Tori whimpered while her hand returned to Jade's leg.
"Of course, it takes a lot of energy from both sides to have sex. Plus, now we're even. You got me off and I got you off. We can take these things slow."
Tori wouldn't admit it, but she was simply nervous to be terrible at the skill that Jade already had mastered. While she was definitely exhausted, the fear of being a disappointment out shadowed the exhaustion reasoning. "Okay, I like that."
Jade smiled and planted a kiss on Tori's forehead. Tori had to hide her face as Jade got off of the bed so she didn't see the tears welling in her eyes. Jade pulled a cami back over her body before pulling a towel from her closet. Tori felt exposed, awkwardly sitting naked on Jade's bed. But what's the use in feeling awkward about anything ever again when Jade just did… that.
"Down the hall to the left-" Jade's voice was cut off by Tori grabbing her by the hips once again and pressing their lips together to say thank you. They held a gaze for a few moments before Tori turned and slipped out of the room.
Jade was annoyed with herself for being so cheesy as to be incapable of wiping the smile off of her face. Her back collapsed to her bed, her mind as vibrant as television static. Every now and then, an anxious thought would slip in.
You will fuck this up. This happiness is dangerous, nothing good lasts.
She shook the thought away, because those are thoughts that complicated her last relationship.
Why the fuck am I even thinking about my last relationship right now? That's disgusting. I'm so fucked up.
So she would think about Tori again. Her gorgeous whimpering voice, her electrifying fingers down her back, she tasted so amazing…
What if she's in the shower completely regretting this? She just kissed you, idiot. But what if it was an apology kiss? Oh my God, that doesn't even make sense.
Having sex with her was nothing like having sex with Beck. Or am I just saying that because I hate him now? Oh my God, who the fuck cares about Beck!
I never want this night to end. I can't believe we're going to share a bed as a couple, and not awkwardly sharing as friends with crushes on each other.
What if I'm in love with her?
Down the hall, Tori didn't experience one single anxious thought in the shower, she was on cloud nine.
I have never felt so loved in my entire life.
That was so hot, I can't believe that's even a real thing that just happened. How did she know what to do? She's never even been with a girl! I don't even care. I want to do that every day.
She is the hottest person alive, I literally cannot believe all of this. How I didn't even 'know' her a few months ago, and now we're fucking. What the hell is life?
I love her so much. I don't even care if I'm an idiot for rushing in, I love her. I won't tell her, I can't scare her, but I love her more than anything.
Jade had changed out bedding, and Tori eventually entered the room with a towel wrapped around her body. It was awkwardly quiet, Jade was visibly tense and sitting on the bed checking her phone. Tori decided to remain silent as she put on pajama shorts and a T-shirt, but wondered what was on Jade's mind.
Tori was ready for bed and nervously patted her hands on her legs rhythmically. "Ready for bed?"
Jade immediately locked her phone and set it down on her nightstand. "I sure am."
Tori approached the bed as Jade slipped under the covers, but couldn't bring herself to get in until she asked the question burning in her mind. "So, are you a 'cuddling while sleeping' type of person, or no?"
"Depends," Jade admitted. "How about you?"
"I have no idea," Tori muttered and looked down to her feet.
Jade scowled as Tori froze beside the bed. "Well, only one way to find out."
"I'm just, like, nervous."
The blue-eyed girl closed her eyes and nodded. "I am, too."
"I feel like sleeping, like, just sleeping next to each other is even more intimate than, you know, sex…"
Jade hadn't thought about it that way. "Huh, maybe. It's different for everyone. Does it feel that way to you?"
Tori looked back up with worried eyes. "Kind of… but that's not a bad thing! I want to have that, I just… Don't want to rush into things, I guess."
"I get it, trust me," Jade said calmly. "I don't see a problem with cuddling. We're in a relationship, it's a normal thing to do after having sex, whether you're married or just fucking to fuck."
The brunette still hadn't moved but was finally convinced with Jade's last point. "Okay, that's fair," she whispered before crawling into bed. Once Tori was situated, Jade spoke.
"Alright, we can cuddle. On one condition."
Tori gulped as her face was only inches from Jade's in her bed. "What?"
Jade smiled like an absolute dork. "I get to be little spoon."
Brown eyes melted into Jade's as Tori sighed. "Fiiine."
"Yesss!" Jade replied excitedly while turning over spastically in bed. Tori inched closer and draped an arm around Jade's waist. The problem was her other arm that had nowhere convenient to go.
Tori hummed with confusion. "I don't know where to put my left arm."
Jade giggled deviously. "That's why I wanted to be little spoon."
Tori groaned and bumped her forehead into Jade's back. "Damn it, Jade!"
Thanks for putting up with my three month hiatus, hope you enjoyed!