Hey everybody!

I am so sorry for the lack of update, life has been all kinds of crazy lately.

For my defense, I'll post two chapters today :)

Enjoy your reading!

Pavs.

Chapter Three: The Blood on Your Hands

[Gunnar]

He saw a text message from Barney telling him Gabrielle was out. He frowned, noticing that it had been sent not long after he'd got back to his room at Tool's. Gunnar got out of bed, put some clothes on, and went to the shared kitchen of the second floor. He saw Tool sitting there with an untouched coffee.

''You up?'' Tool asked, surprised.

Gunnar never got up before noon if he could help it.

''You broke your kitchen?'' Jensen retorted back, and Tool sighed.

Tool's apartment was on the third floor, and even though he often ate with him and Toll, he rarely joined them for breakfast.

''Is she ok?'' Gunnar asked, concerned.

''She had a panic attack when she woke up. Barney took her home. I'm waiting for Toll to wake up so I can ask him a favor,'' Tool explained, and when he saw Gunnar's puzzled expression he added while Toll came into view. "She has self-harm scars all over her arms, and we found no evidence of her or her family trying to get help.''

''Shit,'' Toll said, half asleep. ''Yeah, I'll check in with my therapist and see if they can do a referral or take her on as a client.''

Gunnar sat there and tried to calm down while Toll joined them. Those people were her family; they should have noticed or helped. Hell, the guys should have killed him and still chose to help him instead when he'd fucked up. What kind of superficial fuckers were they to let her suffer like that?

''So, she knows now?'' Toll asked.

''No!'' Tool and Gunnar exploded.

''Yeah, so let's lie to her. Let her feel fucking guilty that we broke our innocent souls for some fucking morons! I can tell by her scars that she hasn't been lied to and ignored enough,'' Gunnar said, as sarcastic as possible. ''I may be fucked up, but even I can tell this is a moronic plan that will do more damage than good.''

He got up and took his coffee to his room, leaving Tool and Toll absolutely speechless behind him.

[Gabrielle]

I opened my eyes only to close them again. My head was killing me. I took a deep breath and managed to get up. I went to the bathroom, opened the cabinet under the sink, took some pain meds, and took off my clothes. I froze at the sight of blood. His blood. The very dead man's blood. I turned on the shower and grabbed the soap, desperate to get rid of the smell.

I couldn't cry or scream no matter how bad I wanted to, not with Barney in the house. Last night, a man had died because of me. Tool had killed him because of me. I felt a sharp pain in my chest, and I knew it would only get worse. It was my fault; I deserved it. I let myself slip on the floor of the shower and felt my nails sticking into my skin as I cried. The guilt was too much. I hadn't thrown the knife, but I might as well have. My weakness had killed that man. I cried until the water cooled and then I got out.

I didn't need to look at myself in the mirror to know that I looked like shit. I went to my room and put on a long-sleeved shirt and a pair of jeans. I saw my black leather boots in a corner of my room and decided to put them on as well. I saw blood on my bed sheets and ripped them off my bed to put it in the trashcan along with my dirty clothes. I took the bag and went downstairs, not noticing Barney on my way to the door. I put the bag outside the door that lead to the garage and turned back to see him looking at me with a worried look on his face.

''There was blood. We'll need to go shopping,'' I said.

He said nothing, choosing to hug me instead. I started to cry again, apologizing profusely for the second time in two days. It was embarrassing, really.

[Barney]

He wanted to tell her to stop apologizing, but he knew that she wouldn't listen. He understood her need to do so too. Then she said something that made him froze.

''He died because of me,'' she said while she was still crying.

''No, he didn't,'' Barney assured her, and she took a step back.

He could see that his harsh tone had scared her, but she refused to look down. She had character; he'd give her that. She got it from him from what he'd seen so far, but there was no way in hell that she'd have his guilt too. He'd make God damned sure of that.

''You didn't kill that man,'' Barney added with a softer tone to his voice, '' I…we defended you when you couldn't. We…you didn't kill him…''

She stayed silent and Barney found himself at a loss. He didn't know how to tell her the truth without breaking her. He never had been one to talk about sensible matters. That's why he had Tool on the team to begin with. Lee and Hale had been good enough too.

''Want to go to Tool's?'' Barney asked, and Gabrielle looked confused for a moment before she accepted his offer.

[Tool's]

Tool heard footsteps at the front of the shop and turned away from his painting to see Barney and Gabrielle. The girl was clearly upset, and Barney looked like…well, shit. He made no comments. He knew better.

''You alone in there?'' Barney asked, and Tool pointed to the roof.

''Gunnar's in the kitchen, and Toll's probably trying to finish that psycho book he always is talking about,'' Tool answered with a worried look on his face.

Barney turned to Gabrielle, and she looked at him.

''Would you mind going upstairs? There's food and drinks. Make yourself home, I'll be there soon," Barney promised, and Gabrielle nodded.

She stopped in front of Tool, and he looked at her. She seemed scared, and he knew she tried to hide it.

''I…um…thank you,'' she said, and Tool couldn't hide the shock on his face. ''I know this sounds wrong. God. I am not thanking you for killing him. I mean, yeah, you had to, and it must have been difficult and…fuck…sorry, I am so sorry about that. What I meant to say was thank you, for saving me.''

Tool went from shocked to really worried when he saw Barney's expression darken while she spoke. He wasn't mad at his daughter, that he could tell. He could also tell that Gabrielle was blaming herself, and that's what was upsetting Barney so much. And while Tool was touched that Gabrielle cared about his wellbeing, he was still worried about hers and the effect it had on Barney.

Tool got up his stool, and he hugged her. She was tense at first and then she seemed to relax.

''You didn't have to thank me again or at all sweet thing. It was the only thing to do. I'll always be there if you need me. You're Barney's daughter… a friend. That makes you family,'' Tool said while releasing her, and she offered him a small smile.

These people weren't like her old family at all. She liked them. She looked at Barney, kissed him on the cheek, and left, leaving Tool alone with Barney.

They stared at each other for a while before Barney turned to punch the wall beside him.

''What happened?'' Tool asked, still looking at him.

''She ripped off her sheets and threw them in the trash outside my house. I wouldn't be surprised if she threw out her clothes too. Then she proceeded to apologize for killing the fucker that almost killed her!'' Barney exclaimed angrily, and Tool could see that he was on the verge of losing it.

Then his friend noticed Tool's defensive position and sighed.

''I'll have to convince her that we're not the same as them. Hell, I am not even sure that I'm not like them,'' Barney added.

''You're not. We're not. You have to believe that, or else you'll be like them. You hear me?'' Tool asked.

He'd seen one of them turning bad before. He wouldn't lose one more. Barney nodded, and Tool exhaled loudly. This was a big fucking mess.

[Gunnar & Gabrielle]

Gunnar looked up to see Gabrielle standing in the elevator. She smiled awkwardly at him before she took a seat in front of him.

''So, Toll…'' she started before Gunnar interrupted her.

''In his room,'' he said.

She looked around, noticing the row of doors in the small hallway facing her. Gunnar could see that she didn't want to ask him in which room was Toll's and he decided to help out. She looked at the doors in the small hallway and Gunnar could see her trying to figure out which room was Toll's. He sighed and decided to help out.

''First door on the right. Mine's the first on the left. The others are empty,'' Gunnar explained, and Gabrielle nodded.

''Look, I just wanted to thank you both for coming to my rescue last night,'' she said, and Gunnar looked straight into her eyes.

Nobody thanked him. Ever. Not that sincerely anyway.

''Thank you…I mean for thanking me…um...'' Gunnar said before he shook his head. Damn, that was embarrassing. What the hell was wrong with him?

Gabrielle couldn't help but smile. He noticed and cleared his throat. She unconsciously rubbed one of her arms on the table, and Gunnar held out his hand to her. She hid her arms under the table, and, without really knowing why or what was possessing him to, he got up to grab one. He rolled her sleeve up and froze when he saw the marks. Gabrielle looked at him, but she didn't move. Gunnar took a look at her other arm and sat beside her. Silent tears rolled down Gabrielle's cheeks, and he could see the fear in her eyes.

Barney didn't know.

He touched her wounds with his fingertips, and she closed her eyes. She couldn't look at him. He got up, went to his room and came back with a cream. He applied some of it on her wrapped her arms with bandages, before he gave her the rest. She looked so hurt. He didn't know why, but he couldn't let her look like that. He couldn't see her in pain and do nothing about it. He had to prevent her self- destructive habits from going too far before she became like him. He caressed her cheek with his thumb, and she looked at him.

''Be careful,'' he whispered.

''Thank you,'' she whispered back.

He removed his hand, and she put her sleeves back in place. She looked at him one more time before she left to see if Barney was ok. She'd thank Toll later, when a pair of blue eyes wouldn't be staring at her. Gunnar looked at his hand, still feeling her skin under his finger. He shook his head and went back to his room, not noticing the puzzled look on Toll's face, who'd just arrived in the kitchen.

[Gabrielle]

We'd gone back to Barney's place, and I took a nap on the couch while he cooked lunch. I had been way too tired for the stairs. By the time Barney woke me up, my whole body was hating me for it. I got up the couch and went to join him in the kitchen. My ribs protested against my technique to get on one of the stools, and Barney frowned.

''We can eat at the table if you need to,'' he offered.

''Already here,'' I answered. ''Thank you, though.''

He put a plate in front of me, and I smiled. Pasta, one of man's best friends. I started eating, and Barney went upstairs to get my meds.

''You're suppose to take these after eating,'' he explained.

Well, that made sense. I stopped eating to take them while he kept looking at me.

''I am not going to disappear you know?'' I joked, but he only got more serious.

''You need to take care of yourself,'' he said, and I sighed.

''I am ok. I'll take my meds and try not to run a marathon…''

''Yeah, that too,'' he interrupted me while looking at my arms.

I hid them under the counter, but he reached and took one of my hands in his anyway. I held my breath, knowing very well that if he checked like Gunnar had, I was fucked. Gunnar. Gunnar and his eyes. There had been no judgment, nothing but comprehension, sadness even. They were all so understanding it was astonishing. But Gunnar, with all this blue and all this sadness…

''…Gabrielle?'' asked Barney, and I snapped out of it.

''Sorry, yeah. Sure,'' I improvised, hoping it had not been a question.

''Good. Don't be mad, but I already called Toll. I am glad you'll see his therapist,'' Barney said, and I wanted to bang my head on the counter.

Of course, I had agreed to that. But I could see the relief on his face, and I knew I didn't have it in me to refuse him. Especially not after what he'd done for me.

''So, do you want to go back to sleep? I'll clean this up,'' Barney offered, and I sighed.

''Don't think my body would forgive me. I'll need clean sheets. We can go shopping,'' I suggested, and I could see in his face that he liked that as much as I liked the idea of seeing a therapist.

''Don't worry, I don't like that either. We go in and out,'' I offered. ''Except for the car.''

''The what?'' he asked, and I smiled.

''Well, I'll have to go out there sooner or later,'' I laughed, and he smiled.

''What type of car?'' he asked.

''A mustang. I would go for an old one, but I wouldn't know where to start, and I can't walk that much,'' I answered, and his smile grew bigger.

''I do,'' he said, and minutes later, we were gone.

[Tool's]

Tool turned to face the garage door with a frown. He knew that whoever was coming had a good taste in cars. The guys got up, and Barney got out the passenger seat seconds before Gabrielle opened her door. Hale whistled, and Gabrielle looked at him with a bright smile.

''She's gorgeous, isn't she?'' Gabrielle asked, and Tool laughed while Barney shook his head with a smile.

''That she is, sweetheart,'' Tool said while he got closer to the car. ''I take it your father still has good friends?''

''Yeah, he does,'' she nodded with such enthusiasm that they all smiled at her.

It was good to see her like that after all that happened.

''Besides, I can't walk that much, so I needed a car anyway. The fact that it's absolutely badass is just a bonus,'' she explained, and Toll frowned. He could sense she was still shaken from the events from before.

''Are you ok?'' Toll asked, and she nodded.

''Yeah, about that. I saw Gunnar this morning and I wanted to…well, I thanked him and I wanted to thank you. All of you. For your help I mean…'' she trailed off, and Hale smiled at her.

''It's ok. Don't worry about it,'' Toll said. ''Just relax until you get better.''

''Yeah, I'll try,'' Gabrielle said before everybody returned to their business.

Not her, though. The drawing of a warrior woman with flowers drew her attention, and she moved closer to look at it. It didn't look like the other drawings on the wall. Gabrielle could tell that Tool hadn't made this one. She didn't notice the frown on Barney's face. It was Sandra's gift, but that didn't interest Gabrielle. She looked at it because it was different, and she was wondering about its meaning.

She was about to touch the paper when another one caught her attention. She could feel the tears in her eyes. It was another woman. Her hairs were made of flowers, and her face looked like her mother's. There were so many details. It was so delicate, and her eyes held so many emotions. This drawing was calling to her.

''I wish I could draw like that,'' Gabrielle whispered, and Tool felt a familiar pain as he saw the tears in her eyes.

Tool put a hand on her shoulder, and Barney remembered about asking him advice about Sandra. He could almost swear that his friend bore the same expression on his face as he had when he'd been painting that guitar.

''I can teach you if you want,'' Tool offered, and Gabrielle gave him a sad smile.

''I'd like that,'' she said, and Tool offered her a seat at his table.

''Where do we start?'' he asked, and Barney smiled when he saw that the tears were gone from her eyes.

[Gabrielle]

I was lying on my bed, thinking about the night at Tool's. The drawing lesson had been a great distraction. Tool was a good teacher, and I wondered if he'd been one in another lifetime. While the guys had been nice to me since I got there, I had no idea whatsoever about what they did for a living. It was kind of weird, really. I knew for a fact that Tool and Barney had served together and that Toll had been in the military, but other than that…Well, I guessed I still had time to get to know them.

I looked at my phone and saw the usual missed call from Mathieu. I sighed and opened my texts. I stared at my screen, not knowing what to send. I couldn't talk to him about what happened. Hell, I couldn't talk to him before that. I doubted a dead man was a great icebreaker. A dead man. A man that Tool killed because of me.

I went to my bathroom and took more pain meds. I needed the pain to stop. I closed my eyes and saw his face. I felt the blood. I got rid of my clothes and went into the shower. I sat under the water and realized that Gunnar's bandages were still on my arms. I remembered his touch and felt a shiver down my spine.

I didn't deserve his kindness. I got rid of the bandages and looked at my arms. I felt pathetic. They had killed for me for fuck sake! The pain was still there, it was everywhere. It had to get out. I took my razor and cut myself. I could see the man's blood on my hands. I cut again, and again. It wasn't working. I threw the razor out of the shower and closed my eyes, not moving until the water grew cold.

[Gunnar]

He was looking at Gabrielle. She was talking with Tool about painting. He couldn't care less. What interested him, however, was the fact that she was the only one with a long sleeve shirt on. Hale started the barbecue, and Gabrielle got up to get something to drink inside.

He followed her.

[Gabrielle]

''Did Barney asked you to follow me?'' I asked as Gunnar got closer.

''No,'' he answered while looking straight into my eyes.

''You didn't tell them,'' I commented, surprised.

''Should I tell them?'' he asked, and I was speechless.

He was giving me a choice. Gunnar was trying to be there. He didn't even know me. I didn't know him. This made no sense. I was taught not to trust anyone.

''I didn't do it on purpose,'' I tried, and I could see that my answer made him angry.

''You can lie to them. You can lie to yourself, but you can't lie to me,'' he said while getting closer.

I knew he was right. I couldn't explain it; I just knew it. His eyes softened, and he took my hand to look at my right arm. I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks.

''Gabrielle,'' he whispered, and I started sobbing.

I couldn't control it. He took me into his arms, and I felt so small.

''It wasn't your fault, you hear me? Stop doing that, or I'll have to tell them,'' Gunnar said in my ear, and I knew somehow that it wasn't a threat.

''Why the hell would you care?'' I asked while I tried to wipe away my tears.

'' One day I'll tell you,'' Gunnar promised, and I looked at him again.

There it was, the sadness. I hated that look on him. I was about to hug him again when I heard Hale screaming about us taking too much time and how his beautifully cooked meat was going to get cold on our sorry asses if we didn't sit down right this damn minute. I took a deep breath and got my drink before I went back outside with the others.