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Chapter Five: Mad World

[Gabrielle]

I was glad that Toll hadn't asked me more than "are you ok?" Truth is that I kind of didn't know what to think about this whole situation. I got home and went to bed. When I got up again, my father was there, but he didn't say anything. It was unnerving, to say the least. The next couple of days saw me going to Tool's and my therapist. I didn't really see the others. Toll and Hale were God knows where, and Lee was with Lacy again, or so I heard. And Gunnar…well. We did share looks, but I didn't talk to him that much, and it seemed fine by him. It wasn't until five days after the incident that I had a real conversation with my dad again.

He was working on his truck, and I sat on his work bench to look at him.

''You got bored?'' Barney asked with a small smile, and I nodded.

''I got two hours to spare until I go to Tool's. What are you doing exactly?'' I asked, and his smile grew bigger before he explained what was the problem with the engine.

He ended up giving me a Fully Repair Your Car 101 class, and I had to run to Tool's.

[Tool]

''So, I take it you and your father are on speaking terms again?'' Tool questioned when he saw her struggling to wash off the oil on her cheek.

''Yeah, kind of,'' she answered with a smile, and Tool smiled.

He remembered his conversations with Barney after that morning, and he had to admit that he understood his concerns. Gunnar had good intentions, but he wasn't always stable. Add that to the fact that Barney was an over protective father and that Gabrielle was kept from the truth, it was a ticking bomb, a big one at that.

''He's just not ready to deal with the fact that you're a woman,'' Tool noted, and Gabrielle blushed.

''Nothing happened, I told you that,'' she said while glancing around to make sure that they were alone.

Tool couldn't help but smile.

''So, what if something happens?'' Tool asked. Gabrielle raised her brows at him in response.

''Fine, with anyone,'' he corrected.

''Aren't you suppose to teach me something? Or are you just at that age where you like to talk about rumors on your rocking chair?'' Gabrielle asked mischievously, and Tool laughed.

''Not that old yet, sweetheart,'' he said before he took a seat beside her.

''That's what he likes to think,'' Christmas teased while entering the shop.

Gabrielle smirked as Lee sat not too far from them.

[Gabrielle]

I hadn't heard Lee coming in. I laughed at his comeback and looked at him. We didn't talk that much. The fact that he always was on his phone with Lacy certainly didn't help. I remembered his concerned look when they found me in the alley and the face he made each time I talked with Gunnar. It was unsettling, like he didn't know how to interact with me at all. I realized that I'd been staring when he raised an eyebrow.

''Do you draw?'' I asked.

''No,'' he answered, and Tool shook his head.

This was awkward.

[Lee]

He hadn't meant to make her feel out of place, but he honestly didn't know what to say to her. As much as he tried to have a normal, civil life with Lacy, Gabrielle and her lack of knowledge about their line of work was a constant reminder that he did not, in fact, have a normal life.

Barney would have to talk to her soon. It was harder and harder each day to hide it from her. And try as he did, he could not forget the look of fear and shock she'd had when they found her. He also couldn't forget about the way she'd spoken to him the first time they met or the way she thanked them after. He'd never seen someone like her.

The women they knew were either trained mercenaries, enemies, clients or one night stands. Well…except for Lacy. He should probably talk to her too. He could judge Barney all he wanted, but in the end, he did the exact same thing to her. Perhaps that's why he hadn't been as loud as Gunnar about the matter. He was lost in his thoughts and started playing with his knife. Tool didn't notice it until Gabrielle spoke.

''You like knives?'' she asked and both the men froze.

[Gabrielle]

I saw I went too far the second I finished my sentence. Of course it would put them in a bad mood to talk about it. I looked at the knife, then at Lee to apologize, only to find him bearing the exact same expression he had that night. I looked at Tool, and I could see the concern in his eyes. I felt the panic rise while my mind was drowning in those memories. I knew how it would look, but the awkwardness had transformed into a full-blown anxiety attack, and I needed to get out.

''I…I think I'll be going,'' I managed to say before I ran off to my car.

[Barney]

He heard the front door open and close, then nothing. He got up to see what was going on and saw Gabrielle making her way to her room, looking like she'd been crying. Barney frowned and was about to ask her what was going on when she closed her door. He then heard the shower and resumed his work.

[Tool's]

Toll came back from his trip with Hale and was almost hit with a knife as soon as he opened the door.

''Fucking hell Christmas you're going to kill someone with that!'' exclaimed Toll before he threw his bag on the couch. ''What the hell was that for anyway?''

Tool explained the situation to him and Toll felt his heart stop.

''So, you're telling me that you let her go on the verge of an anxiety attack, one that she had right after she saw his knife?'' Toll asked slowly, as if he tried to convince himself that they weren't actually that fucking stupid.

Lee and Tool seemed to have reached the same conclusion because they were all gone seconds later.

[Gabrielle]

I went to my bathroom and turned the shower on. I looked at my bandages and closed my eyes. I saw Lee's knife, Lee's face after the man died. I took off my clothes, ripped off the bandages and looked at my body. I was damaged. I was a burden. I started to cry. I looked through my things and found a knife. I got back to the shower and got in.

My arms were full of fresh scars, but not my legs, so I started to cut them. Again, and again. The pain felt good, so good. And then I saw the blood. There was too much. There had been so much when that man died. They had to kill for me. They had to endure me. Fuck, I couldn't even drive without getting lost.

I was a fucking mess. I cut myself one last time and then I stopped. I could hear Gunnar's voice in my head, telling me to stop. I got dressed and saw the blood getting through my clothes quickly. Everything hurt. I couldn't ask for help. I already asked for too much. I felt lonely, empty. I heard a scream, then I felt my throat beginning to burn and I realized that I was the one screaming.

[Barney]

Barney heard his front door opening with a bang and got up to see Toll, Tool and Lee running up the stairs. He was about to ask what the fuck was going on when they heard her scream.

[Gabrielle]

''Gabrielle!'' Barney screamed, and I froze.

I knew he wasn't alone. I could hear at least three more people walking into my room.

''Gabrielle, we only want to help,'' Toll said gently, and I started to cry again.

I didn't deserve it. It became harder and harder to breathe. I was trapped.

[Barney's Place]

Lee knew she probably was in a shock state and that the guys good intentions weren't what she needed right now. This wasn't a therapy session; it was an emergency.

''Fuck that I am going in,'' Christmas said before he broke down the door.

He saw blood, a lot of it. Gabrielle was sitting on the floor and was struggling to breathe properly. He got past his shock at seeing her like that and got closer to her.

''I am sorry…I couldn't stop…I am so sorry. I…I can't…I... remembered the way you looked at me. I shouldn't have asked you. I am so sorry I went too far…'' Gabrielle tried to explain, and Lee felt his heart sink.

He hadn't meant for her to feel like that, even less so for her to feel like she couldn't talk about it. He'd never say it out loud, but Toll was right to remind them that they should talk about it. He'd never felt the need to seek out a professional, but he had his team. Gabrielle was in a new city with people she barely knew even though they were family.

''Let me help,'' he whispered. ''Try to breathe with me.''

He'd done it with a lot of victims that he'd had to rescue, but this was different. She was his best friend's daughter. She started to calm down a little after some breathing together, and he helped her up on her feet. She looked at Barney, Tool and Toll and tensed up again.

''It's ok. We're here to help,'' Toll repeated as she kept walking to her bed.

She was still bleeding, and Toll couldn't help but think that this looked exactly like the type of PTSD symptoms he'd witnessed while he was in the military. He took a look at Barney and saw that he was as pale as a ghost.

Tool went out of the room to get an emergency kit and came back quickly. He got a needle out, and Gabrielle tried to get out of bed at the sight of it.

''It's ok, he knows what he's doing. Take my hand, I'm right here,'' Barney reassured her with a shaking voice.

Gabrielle took his hand and looked at him.

''I am sorry, Dad,'' she said sadly, and Barney felt his eyes burning with tears.

''It's ok, it's ok,'' he repeated, trying as much as he could to convince himself that it was true.

He needed her to be ok. When she'd apologized to Christmas…he had to talk to her. He knew she would have had a breakdown eventually, and he couldn't help but feel that he was the reason why she didn't feel close enough to them to talk. She was intelligent, she could see they were hiding something and keeping her from their true selves. Of course, her past experience would tell her to be on guard.

She hissed when Tool began to close one of her wounds, and she squeezed Barney's hand a little more.

''It's ok. One at a time and then you'll be fine,'' he said and Gabrielle nodded.

She trusted him. And it hit him right there and then that she'd called him Dad for the first time. He kneeled beside her and passed an arm around her to hold her closer without disrupting Tool's work. Toll began to talk to her about the latest book he'd read to try and occupy her mind, and Lee listened while Tool tried to keep calm and focused to heal her as best as he could.

Gabrielle soon fell asleep, and they got her in the truck to get her to the hospital. She'd need more blood and medication too. Barney just hoped that the wake-up call wouldn't be too brutal.