Author's note

The muse has been pestering me to write, normally that would be good. However, I have exams, and apparently revision helps!

This is set quite soon after home, and goes completely AU from there on. This will be very angsty, so be warned!

Disclaimer- Still don't own Enterprise, I did ask for it for my Birthday last week, but I didn't get it. (Cries)

Rating- T

Summary - A disastrous away mission causes Trip and T'pol to finally confront their feelings, but in true Romeo and Juliet style, tragedy occurs soon after.

Epiphany

A spectacular curtain of golden yellow and orange licked at the edges of the enormous ice ball of a planet. The crisp white celestial body hung loosely on Enterprise's view screen as the bridge crew looked on. It had been over a year since Enterprise had even considered a mission of exploration, the Xindi conflict preventing the crew from carrying out its original mission, instead plunging Enterprise into the middle of a war to save Earth. This was going to be Enterprise's first exploratory mission since the Expanse. Archer for one couldn't be happier; this was why he had always aspired to be the captain of the very first warp five ship. To explore, experience new things, and meet new species.

The crew also seemed to be in good spirits, but that was probably due more to the fact that they had just had several weeks of much deserved shore leave. Archer himself had met up with old friends, a certain Columbia captain to be exact. The thought of Erika brought a small smile to his lips. The rest of the crew were almost in as good a mood as he, Hoshi, he had heard had gone back to Brazil, to meet old friends, students, and of course her family. Travis had met up with the crew of the Horizon, who had stopped off at Earth, and Malcolm, well he wasn't exactly sure where the security officer had gone, perhaps he had taken some time to relax, left all his duties behind… well it could have happened Archer mused.

Trip and T'pol on the other hand looked worse now than they were on the Xindi mission. Archer hadn't been as close to the engineer in the last year, the mission taking all of his energies and focus and was something he regretted. He hadn't even been there for Trip when Lizzie had died, Archer had met Trip's younger sister several times, and it was hard not to like her. She had that natural Tucker charm and wit, just like her brother. He couldn't even relate to what it must have felt like for his chief engineer to lose her. He didn't even attempt to find out, or be there for Trip or any other member of the crew when they needed him, something he had promised he would never do again.

The Captain hadn't spent that much time with Trip recently, but he could tell something was bothering his best friend, the once up beat and happy engineer was now just a shell of his former self. Whether it was just the effects of the Xindi mission, or something else entirely he couldn't figure out, and every time he attempted to talk to him, Trip would use his apparent backlog of work as an excuse, he wouldn't even come to the Captain's mess for breakfast.

T'pol similarly seemed more…. Detached and depressed, to the extent a Vulcan could be. He had heard she spent all free time in her quarters, and the only time he had seen her when she was not on duty was yesterday morning, when they had breakfast, something he almost had to order her to attend. It had occurred to Archer that his two most senior officer's moods could be related. They did seem to spend more time together in the Expanse, and then there was the neuro-pressure, a very intimate procedure by all accounts. Perhaps something more than curing Trip's nightmares had been going on. That would also explain why at staff meetings they avoided looking in each other's directions, and stayed as far away from each other as possible whenever they had to work together. God, what had he missed?

Archer's attention was drawn back to the main view screen as a wider array of colour burst forth upon the screen. It reminded him slightly of the auroras on Earth; however, they paled in comparison to this. It seemed the planet's composition and conditions, amplified the effects, amongst other things. Resulting in several unusual readings not associated with this event to appear on Enterprise's scanners.

"Do we know anything more about it T'pol?" Archer queried looking over to the science station, where the Vulcan was seated behind.

"The Vulcan science directorate has determined that this event occurs every one hundred and thirty seven years, however it doesn't contain any record of the anomalous scans we are receiving. Nor can I theorise why we are receiving these readings."

"So we may have just found something the Vulcan's missed," Archer replied, his voice sounding eager.

"Perhaps" was her simple reply. "However, Enterprise's scanners are receiving some electromagnetic interference, possibly causing the anomalies. A shuttle pod is better shielded against them, and would not be subjected to the same interference. If we were to investigate further using one of Enterprise's shuttle's to collect the data would be the best course of action." She finished

The Captain nodded, the crew could use an easy mission anyway, and besides maybe now he had a way for his two most senior officers to sort out their problems. He wasn't the only one that had noticed their hesitance to work together, and whenever they were in the same room together the tension increased ten fold. For a ship to run it needed its officers to work smoothly and efficiently together, not avoid each other every chance they got.

"T'pol, contact Trip, I want you two to take the shuttle and investigate further." Archer ordered, T'pol's Vulcan mask faded slightly and it almost looked like a look of alarm appeared on her features. "Very well Captain" She replied, almost hesitantly. She stood up from her console and moved over to the Turbo lift heading for engineering.

T'pol walked slowly through Enterprise's grey corridors, towards the engine room. It had been four weeks now since she had married Koss, a marriage that was more out of a sense of duty to her family than anything else. The thought of her … husband brought a slight sickening feeling to the young Vulcan. She had never expected her trip home would end with her marrying Koss, and with him watching her. Her heart sank at the thought of the engineer, would she be like this if Trip was the one she had bonded to? It is illogical to think this way she chided herself Koss is your mate now. You are Vulcan, you and the Commander could never have been together. Her inner voice screamed to her, as if trying to convince her. That didn't stop her from flashing back to the last time she had saw him on Vulcan, she had caught his eyes after the ceremony. His bright blue eyes, which usually were so happy and alive now just showed pain and sadness. He had stood by her, watched her marry someone else, even though it had nearly killed him. He smiled to her, an empty smile, and then he mouthed goodbye to her, his bottom lip quivering slightly as he fought back the tears that threatened to spill, and then he left. It took all of her Vulcan training to stop her running after him. Instead, she remained in her position at Koss's side, somewhere she would have to remain for the rest of her life.

T'pol was brought out of her musings as she realised she was entering engineering; she walked over to Lieutenant Hess and inquired as to the whereabouts of the chief Engineer. The Lieutenant absently pointed to one of the consoles on the upper levels as she went back to analysing the component she had grasped in her fingers. T'pol nodded her thanks and climbed up the ladder to the upper level, she moved over to the far station where a pair of long legs poked out from underneath the console. His greasy uniform was pulled slightly down, exposing part of his muscular torso.

"Hess, is that you? Can you hand me the spanner?" he asked. T'pol looked around, her gaze stopping on the toolbox, she moved over to it and took out the necessary instrument and passed it Trip. His hand came up to grab it, as he did his fingers brushed hers. The second their skin met it felt as if a small wave of electricity had passed between the two, T'pol quickly withdrew her hand, as Trip pulled himself from out under the console.

"T'pol?" he questioned "I thought you were Hess." He stated, standing up.

His eyes darted away from hers as he realised how close he was standing to her, he took a few steps back. Is this how it's always going to be? She asked herself, as the engineer avoided looking at her. Instead placing the spanner in the box, and wiping some of the sweat off his face with his arm.

"What did you want?" He asked, the question coming out more harshly than he had wanted.

T'pol's Vulcan features showed no emotion to his comment, however inside was a different story. "The Captain wants you to accompany me on an away mission to explore the phenomenon we have just encountered." she stated, abruptly back. He opened his mouth to respond but she cut him off, "It is not up for debate Commander," she stated.

Trip winced at her use of his rank, she often referred to him by it but now it just sounded… different, harsher. It reminded him that his nickname would never again sound on her lips, married Vulcan's apparently did not familiarise themselves with other males, that meant no nicknames, no Trip - just Commander, or Mr Tucker.

"I'll see you down in the shuttle bay in half an hour. I need to shower and I wouldn't want to offend that sensitive nose of yours." He told her, walking past her before she had a chance to answer.

The engineer headed out of engineering towards his quarters, the second he had come back from Vulcan he had plunged himself back into work. Someone needed to co-ordinate Enterprise's upgrades from Jupiter Station and he was more than willing to do it. He had thought that by working he could forget about her. The person who had both healed and broken his heart. He had at first believed that the trip to Vulcan would be a good thing, a very good thing. He had a chance to see T'pol's home, meet her family. He had even decided that he would ask her to start a relationship with him, going as far as planning it out. He was going to take her to the fire planes, tell her, tell her he had never felt the same way about anyone, that he thought he was falling in love with her. He knew it was overly emotional, but hell, he didn't care. Except then she sprung her arranged marriage on him, what was he suppose to do? He did the only thing he could, stand by her and support her. After all that's what a good friend would have done, right?

T'pol's mother had found out what his feelings were, he had even found himself confessing to her when he first realised that he loved her daughter, she had told him to tell T'pol, but he couldn't. She had enough on her plate as it was, she didn't need a love struck human messing with her mind. Even so, that didn't stop him from hating… her husband with every fibre of his being. He had currently come up with a mental list of two hundred and thirteen ways Koss could 'accidentally' disappear. He knew it was childish, but it made him feel slightly better.

Ever since T'pol had come back from Vulcan, he had tried to avoid her, sparing himself and her any more pain. He didn't think he could trust himself not to reveal how he really felt if he was left alone with her. That was the reason why he was in such a 'great' mood at the thought of being trapped and alone in a shuttle with her for hours.

In truth, he didn't know what he was going to do, not just about this mission but the ones in the future. He just couldn't cope seeing her everyday and knowing nothing could ever happen between them. He had entertained the thought of transferring to another ship, he had spent a good three years on Enterprise, getting her into good condition, perhaps he was ready for a change. Colombia - Earth's second warp five vessel was preparing to leave, and he had been offered the position of chief engineer. He didn't know if he truly wanted to leave Enterprise, he had made many friends in the past three years, but he still hadn't turned down Colombia's job offer, and every time he saw the Vulcan science officer the position looked better and better.

After a quick shower, he soon arrived at the shuttle bay, finding T'pol performing the pre-flight check. After a brief acknowledgement he seated himself in the seat next to her, she was wearing the skin-tight red cat suit that she always looked so good in. It complemented her figure and her eyes and… Stop it Tucker, she's a married woman. he ordered, forcing himself to search his mind for anything that would take his thoughts away from her. Ok, Number two hundred and fourteen, Koss gets mauled by giant Shelat. Number two hundred and fifteen Koss falls off Mount Seleya. Number two hundred and…

"Commander" T'pol's monotone voice brought the engineer out of his thoughts. He looked over to her.

"We are prepared to leave; I suggest you acquaint yourself with the phenomenon." She said, pushing a pad towards Trip. He took it, and started scanning the data.

T'pol looked over to him, her sensitive nose picking up traces of engine grease and soap. His hair was still slightly damp, and an untamed blond curl had fallen on to his forehead. She quelled the illogical part of her that wanted to stroke the lock of hair off his face. Her feelings towards the engineer were so illogical, she was bonded to Koss and yet she found her thoughts constantly drifting to this human, what was wrong with her? She was Vulcan, and Vulcan's didn't even entertain the thoughts she was having. She had tried to convince herself that it was a residual effect from her time in the Expanse, a side effect from her abuse of Trellium and that it would go away in time. She knew she was only fooling herself.

Ever since that day on Vulcan, she kept reflecting back on what had happened in the Expanse. Especially the time when Enterprise had met with their descendants, her and Trip's son - Lorian. Soon after she had found out about her… son's existence she had gone to meet her future self, their conversation all those months ago replaying over and over in her head.

'The human's have a saying follow your heart.' the words echoed throughout her consciousness, and T'pol allowed her gaze to flicker over to the engineer. 'What if my heart doesn't know what it wants.' she asked her elder self…. 'It will, in time.'

T'pol almost envied the other Enterprise. There her alternate self never had to deal with politics or arranged marriages; she wasn't practically blackmailed into a bonding she didn't want. All her choices were her own, she had been able to 'follow her heart' - something T'pol could now never do, even if she had decided what her heart wanted. One thing she did know for sure though was that it didn't want Koss.

"Shuttle pod one, are you ready to depart?" The voice of Captain Archer cut through the craft's communications.

T'pol was brought back to reality and reached over to press the com. "I have just performed the necessary pre-flight diagnostics and we are ready to depart, Captain." The Vulcan responded, looking over to the other occupant of the pod. The Commander was seating himself in the flight seat and was activating the controls.

"We're ready when you are Cap'n" Trip responded

"Ok, good luck you two."

The outer door of Enterprise's shuttle bay parted, the small Earth craft manoeuvred through the gap and was soon entering the blackness of space. Trip altered the shuttle's heading, taking them towards the spectacle of brightly coloured light, which surrounded the planet below.

More to come in chapter two, which should be out within the next week, or two...probably.

Please review!