Author's note

Sorry it took me so long to update this fic, the muse, unlike me, has gone on an extended vacation :( This chapter comes with a tissue warning, and as always reviews are welcomed.

Chapter 4

T'Pol awoke, and instead of the icy pinpricks of cold she expected to be feeling all she felt was warmth. Her superior Vulcan hearing listened to her soundings, and she was bombarded with familiar sounds. She cracked her eyes open, and looked to her surroundings, she was in sickbay. Pushing herself into a sitting position, she was able to make out the shapes of Captain Archer and Phlox, who were quietly conversing, no doubt about hers and Trip's condition. Trip her mind whispered in concern. Was he still alive?

Placing her feet on the hard sickbay floor she slowly stood up, gaining a protest from her stiff joints, which were still recovering from the cold. Walking towards the two, they immediately ceased their conversation.

"T'Pol? You should be resting." Phlox began, concern present in his voice.

"I am fine Doctor."

"How is Tr…Commander Tucker?" she corrected herself.

She noticed the nervous glance that passed between both the doctor and the captain.

"His body sustained a lot of damage; I have done all I can for him…" The Doctor continued, the normal jovial tone in his voice absent.

T'Pol frowned, even though she was Vulcan and displayed no outside emotion, she was very perceptive of other people's feelings, there was more to the story.

"Will he recover?" She asked apprehensively.

The Doctor paused, as if thinking how best to phrase what he was about to say. He drew in a deep breath and answered, "I have done all I can to treat his injuries, but the commander is currently in a coma, his neurological activity is decreasing, his brain is in essence shutting down, and so his body is being kept alive on life support. It is unlikely he will ever regain consciousness" he finished, his voice expressing his sadness. Commander Tucker was liked by every member of the crew, he was the heart of Enterprise, and he would be truly missed.

T'Pol was unprepared for the onslaught of emotions; it felt as if her heart was physically aching. She had never felt like this in her entire sixty-six years of life, and it was an experience she could easily live without. Her mind flashed over everything that occurred upon the shuttle, she should have done more to save him.

"Can I see him?" she asked, her voice unsteady.

"This way" Phlox answered, leading her to a curtained off area of sickbay. It was obvious to the Denoblian the feelings those two held for each other. In a way it was his fault, he had suggested the neuro-pressure sessions, and their initial attraction had grown from there. Recently he, and the rest of the ship had noticed the distance between the two officers. He was unsure what had caused it, and he had hoped that they would resolve their differences, but now it seemed they would never have that chance. The Doctor considered Trip to be a great friend; he had got to know the young engineer over the years, and developed a friendship with the man, which would now be truly missed.

T'Pol walked around the curtained area, and was greeted by Trip Tucker's prone form lying flat out on a bed, his body hooked up to numerous sickbay machines. All of the colour had been drained from his body, and he was a deathly white. T'Pol managed to walk closer to him and sat in the seat next to him. Hearing about how ill he was paled in comparison to seeing it, she reached over her hand and interlocked her fingers with his. Phlox watched the small, yet intimate gesture by the Vulcan. And then excused himself, wanting to give the two some privacy.

T'Pol held the humans hand, her humans hand. She had never believed, never wanted believe that this was how it was going to end. Trip had been the one person on Enterprise who she could always count on, even in the early days when they would have their, now infamous 'disagreements', he would go out of his way to help her adjust and fit in. Inviting her to movie night, introducing her to new things, new concepts, but now that would never happen again. Never again would she hear his southern drawl that quickened her heart rate, see his boyish grin that elicited such feelings. Feel his gentle, warm hands on her skin, which stirred in her passions that she never knew Vulcan's could experience. He was the one her katra yearned for, but could never have.

'Follow your heart'. Her alternate self's voice echoed in her mind, and in that moment she realised what her elder self aboard the other Enterprise had meant, it had been Trip, always been him, who her heart desired, all it took for her to realise it was to lose him.

A drop of moisture fell onto her hand, she had not even realised that she was crying, she wiped her face, but her eyes soon spilled with more tears. If any Vulcan saw her she would be looked upon with disgust, to the extent a Vulcan could look disgusted. Emotions in her culture were suppressed, forbidden, yet she found herself not caring.

She tightened her grasp on Trip's hand, his lifeless fingers not responding to her touch. She leaned into him, her lips mere inches from his ear, so he alone could hear what she said. It was illogical to believe he could hear her, but since when did she listen to logic when it concerned this man?

"You asked me what my heart wanted Trip, you asked me who I wanted, I know now." She mumbled to him. "A part of me always knew, whispered the thoughts I tried to ignore, the feelings I knew, yet chose to suppress, I never listened before. I was foolish to think they would just disappear in time, if anything my feelings for you grow stronger each and every day I see you… My heart wants you Trip." she whispered, squeezing her eyes closed as more tears threatened to spill.

She thought she almost felt him squeeze her hand, and in that one second, everything felt right. He was coming out of his coma, he was going to recover. She was going to be with her true mate. That dream stopped almost as quickly, as the monitors around her beeped erratically.

Doctor Phlox came running in, quicker than she had ever seen the Denoblian move. "Please stand aside, T'Pol" he ordered. The Vulcan could only look on in bewilderment, as the Doctor rushed around trying to stabilise Trip's readings. He moved over, picking up a device to shock Trip's heart. He placed it upon the engineer and she could only watch as Trip's body jerked in response. The monitors beeping around her showing no change. Phlox tried again, shocking Trip's heart in an attempt to start it. It did nothing, except weaken hers.

Her eyes locked onto Trip, her vision misting. His body jerked again, the electrical shock ripping through his body. She gripped the chair next to her as a sudden agonising pain ripped through her mind. It felt as if her mind was exploding, her hands moved to her head, shaking slightly. She held her temple, and she bent over in pain, a small scream of pain leaving her lips.

Phlox's head snapped to the origin of the sound, and watched as T'pol sank to the floor. He shouted to her, but received no response. He clenched his jaw as he became torn over whom to help. His priority was Commander Tucker. If he was right about what was happening to T'pol, her condition was connected to the engineer. To help her he would have to save Trip.

T'pol let out another excruciating gasp, as the pain in her head intensified. She felt an incessant pulsating pain take over her system, and she collapsed.

T'pol opened her eyes, and instead of sickbay, which she expected to see, she saw only a white haze.

"T'pol?" T'pol's brow furrowed as she heard a distinctive southern drawl, it seemed she was, how the humans affectionately called 'losing it'.

"T'pol?" the voice sounded again, and the Vulcan opened her eyes, her gaze travelled over her surroundings. It was the white room she meditated in, but why had she heard his voice?

"Trip?" she called out, almost unsure of herself.

"I'm here, turn around" T'pol slowly pivoted on her heel, almost scared of what she would see. She stopped, her eyes falling on the engineer. Could she just be hallucinating?

"What is this place?" he asked, "What happened on the shuttle, all I remember is falling asleep and now I wake up here."

T'pol moved closer to him, he didn't seem to be a figment of her imagination. "This is where I meditate." she responded

"Seems kind of dull. But why am I here?" he asked, again.

"You do not recall anything that happened after you lost consciousness?" she queried

Trip shook his head, "Why" he questioned, taking in her expression, if he didn't know better it would have looked like she had just been crying, "What's going on T'pol" he asked, his voice taking on a slightly worried tone.

T'pol's mind ran through all the possibilities of what was happening, she could only come up with one logical solution, one that surely couldn't be correct...or could it?

"You are in sickbay, where you are…where you are dying." She whispered.

Trip frowned, "…no, I'm here in some sort of white room, with you."

T'pol swallowed, pausing for a moment to consider her words. "I believe you are in my mind…. Your Katra has sought mine in it's final moments".

Trip's eyes widened, "But…but, then how? You said I was dying, I…"

"Time is mostly irrelevant here. Hours may pass here, but mere seconds could pass aboard Enterprise."

Trip sank to the floor, "I'm dying," he whispered, almost not believing it himself.

"Yes…" she said, through quivering lips.

He looked up to her, the sight of her very obvious emotional state shocking him. He knew she was capable of emotion, but actually seeing it, actually seeing her cry showed the severity of the situation.

"OK…so how is this even possible?" Trip questioned, his hands waving absently to the surroundings.

T'pol closed her eyes, that was the question she had hoped he would not ask. There was only one obvious answer, but how was it even possible? He was a human; she had never believed it possible. There had to be some other explanation, one that she hadn't considered. But what more proof did she need, they were sharing minds. And that just meant one thing, a bond had formed between her and Trip. How had she not realised it before?

She sat down beside him, her shoulders slightly brushing his; she was in a Vulcan state of shock. T'pol answered the engineer truthfully, "I believe a bond has formed between us, allowing me to speak to you. It is sometimes believed that when Vulcan's mate, and there is an affection between the two a connection forms."

Trip allowed a small smile to caress his features, his apparent mortality had not hit him yet, and he wanted to enjoy the time he had left.

"I guess it was more than just an experiment then".

T'pol turned towards him, "You know it was more than that Trip…I have never felt" She paused, the word alien on her lips. "I have never feltlike this about anybody before. You asked me what my heart wanted back on the shuttle. My heart wants you Trip." she whispered, her face inches away from his. "It always has."

Trip leaned into her, his lips finding hers. She responded just as passionately, her hand passing through his hair, moving closer to him. They broke apart breathlessly, their foreheads touching. "You don't know what that means to me T'pol" he muttered. "Your timing kind of sucks though" he grinned. T'pol raised her eyebrow. Trust Trip to make a joke out of his present situation.

"I don't want you to go Trip, I" She was silenced, one of his fingers being placed over her lips.

"Shhhh, I don't want my last few moment to be spent like this. Just being given this opportunity is more than I could have asked for. I wouldn't want to go any other way T'pol, being here with you is all I want."

He watched as more emotions danced across her face, he stood up and gripped her hand, pulling her up with him. "Soooo, this is your mind huh, kinda boring if you ask me." he drawled, looking around.

"It is presented as such so I can find peace, and meditate. My mind is Vulcan, and unlike yours is organised"

"So, you're calling us humans un-organised?"

She allowed a minuscule smile to appear, "No, just you."

Trip responded with a boyish grin, which only make her heart ach more. Knowing that that would be one more thing she would miss about him.

"So, you're saying that you can change this white room to something completely different…say a beach"

She nodded in response, her brow furrowed as she accessed a memory of a beach she had once seen in pictures Trip had. The scene around them changed, and now surrounding them was sandy seashore, complete with waves, lapping at the side of them. Trip's face changed into a look of amazement, and his boyish grin returned. T'pol took a small amount of pleasure from his happiness, and held his hand tighter.

"This looks exactly like the place I used to go surfing. We used to come down here, me, Lizzie, my brother, and my parents. This was one of my favourite places as a kid." A small sound of sadness echoed in his voice. The realisation that he would never get to see his family again, just hitting him.

T'pol could almost feel his sadness, and she indicated for them to sit. She sat down, and he put his arm around her, her head sank into the crook of his neck. "I want you to keep an eye on my parents T'pol. They've already lost Lizzie; they still haven't even recovered from it. Make sure they're ok."

"I will," She simply muttered.

"You know I wanted to take you somewhere like this. Perhaps even teach you how to surf, or dive….I guess I'll never get that chance now." He choked, his voice catching in his throat.

T'pol didn't respond. The two sat together in silence, watching the waves, as they hit the beach. Both holding each other, and both knowing the time they had together was limited.

Trip turned and looked towards the Vulcan that had stolen his heart. "…I love you T'pol" he stated.

Her brows furrowed, holding back more emotions, "…And I you." She whispered.

The beach around them flickered, Trip's eyes widened, as the realisation of what was happening hit him. He looked towards T'pol, his finger tracing across her jaw line. He leaned into her, tears stinging his vision, as he kissed her.

He broke their kiss, and his baby blue eyes stared into hers. His lips quivered, "…Please T'pol, why can't I stay…."

A tear flowed freely down her face, as the room around her disappeared. She called out to him, and the next thing she became aware of was the incessant beeping of the monitors around her. She was back in sickbay.

She stood up immediately and moved closer to Trip's bed. Phlox was still trying to start Trip's heart. The Denoblian hung his head in defeat, as his hands dropped to his side. Tears misting his vision. "….He's not responding,…there's nothing else I can do." he choked.

She shook her head, "No! Doctor there's has to be something you can do, please, you can help him, please." She begged, the last few minutes playing in her mind.

The Denoblian looked over to her; he had never seen her like this before. Even after the Trellium, she still had some control, but this was completely different.

"He sustained too much damage." he answered, his voice catching at the edge of his throat. "I'm sorry T'Pol, he's gone."

She shook her head, again, refusing to believe it. "No! He can't, he can't, there has to be something you can do for him." She pleaded. "Please, you have to save him."

Phlox's lip quivered, and he moved over to the Vulcan. "He's dead T'Pol"

She shook her head, tears flowing freely. T'Pol's eyes met the doctors, and in her brown, shimmering orbs he could see every ounce of pain she was in. She moved over to Trip's, now lifeless body, and took his hand in hers, once more.

Phlox looked upon the two, he had come to this ship to break away from his family, to experience new things, he had never expected to find a new family here, on Enterprise. He clenched his jaw as more emotions flooded his senses; he'd give them some time alone, before he informed the Captain and the crew. The two deserved that at least. He bowed his head and walked away, only now realising how sickbay was deathly quiet. Even his normally lively, and loud menagerie were silent, as if sensing the mood, and mourning the lost commander.

T'Pol didn't know what she was really feeling, but empty described it well. She had finally admitted what she had always felt, but they didn't even have a day spent together. She had lost the one person she thought, and hoped, that would always be there for her. All it took to realise just how important he was to her was to lose him. A tragic irony that was not lost on the Vulcan. She recalled the concept of a soul mate, a human term, yet what it described was universal. She had found hers in Trip, but as quickly as she had found him, she had lost him.

She closed her eyes, an illogical surge of anger overtaking her. There was no reason to be angry, no one was responsible for this, but that didn't quell the feeling. She was angry at herself, for not doing more. Angry at the phenomenon for causing the crash. Angry at Phlox for not being able to do more, and lastly angry at Trip for leaving her.

What was going to happen now though? Trip had talked to her about how hard it was for his parents loosing his sister Elizabeth in the Xindi attack. Could they cope knowing another child was lost to them? The sudden thought of children reminded T'Pol of Lorian. He would never be born now, even if she and Trip had found a way to be together. Koss would no doubt expect her to bear his children. That thought sickened her. Trip had been the only one she considered fathering her children, they would be half-breeds to others, but they would have been a part of her and Trip. Her mother had even pointed out it couldn't happen, it appeared she had been right.

"…Phlox just told me." The strained voice of Jonathan Archer found her ears.

"He is…was like a brother to me." He continued, correcting himself. "This was just supposed to be an easy mission; I'm the one that ordered him on it. His death is my fault." he whispered, his voice catching in his throat.

T'Pol turned around, and for the first time in his life Jonathan Archer saw a Vulcan crying. "You are not responsible Captain, his death was an accident, as explorers our work is hazardous, Trip was just unlucky."

The Captain nodded, "He was always getting into trouble, even before Enterprise. He'd always just laugh it off, and say it made life interesting." Archer looked down as more tears spilled. "I don't know what I'm going to do without him, or what Enterprise is going to do. He was the heart of this ship."

Archer thought for a few seconds and briefly smiled "But first he'd tell me to stop being so damn sentimental".

T'Pol didn't respond, but he knew she had heard him. She just sat clutching Trip's hands. He had always wondered about T'Pol and Trip's relationship, it must have been serious though, if it was affecting the normally emotionless Vulcan.

"I need to contact his parents," he muttered, "They're still devastated over Lizzie, I don't know how they're going to take it." he continued, his eyes resting on Trip's, now peaceful form. He took one last look at the engineer and left, leaving sickbay to have the conversation he had always prayed he would never have.

Days passed aboard Enterprise, and the crew were still trying to absorb the news. Every time the doors to the bridge opened, the bridge crew had to remind themselves it wasn't Trip, it was the same in engineering. Hess had to stop herself every time a crewmember came up to her and asked her to sign off on a report, or ask a question. She would normally tell them to 'check it over with the chief', but now she was the chief engineer, not Trip.

Trip's parents had taken it how Archer had expected, they had broken down. Parents were not meant to outlive their children, but they had, TWICE! He had explained everything that had happened, and expressed his condolences, but that was all he could do. Grief was a fickle emotion, and individuals had to deal with it in their own way.

A memorial had been arranged to take place, Trip's wishes were going to be carried out. He wanted a burial in space, so he could rest with the stars. A fitting end, in Archer's opinion. Space was the place Trip had always dreamed of visiting, it was what he aimed for throughout his life, it was only right he ended up there.

To the surprise of the senior officers, Trip had each left them their own personal message. No one knew he had done it, not even T'Pol, or Archer. The recordings had been found along with his personal belongings, and only stood to remind them of what they had lost.

The day of Trip's memorial soon came, and every non-essential member of the crew attended. As Enterprise was quite a distance away from Earth, and Trip wanted his burial in space anyway, his family had remained upon Earth. They were watching the proceedings from their home upon Earth on a live video link.

It soon became time for Trip's casket to be ejected into space. The crew paying their last respects, the senior staff being the last to do so. The message he had recorded for each of them replaying over and over again in their minds. His voice so clear it hauntingly echoed throughout their consciousness.

"Hey Malcolm, I know you'll think this is a bit morbid, making a video like this but, what can I say with my look it was inevitable something was going to happen." Trip grinned, Malcolm slightly echoed his smile. "You know that you've been one of my best friends on Enterprise these last few years, I'm glad I got to know you Malcolm" Trip finished. The normally detached, security officer spilled his first set of tears, finally acknowledging the loss of his best friend.

"Hoshi, you've been like a sister to me throughout our mission. You are the most talented linguist I know, God knows how you do it… Speaking one language is hard enough for me." he drawled in his normal southern accent, Hoshi giggled slightly. "I know you have a great career ahead of you, and if your watching this I'm not going to get to see it, but I know you'll do great." He finished, and gave her one of his normal boyish Tucker grins, the recording terminating. Hoshi held her head in her hands, and let the emotions flow.

"Travis, you are the best pilot I have ever known… just don't tell the captain I said that." Trip winked, Travis elicited one of his thousand watt grins. "You've grown up in space, somewhere I've always wanted to be, I guess if you're seeing this I'm not going to be experiencing it anymore." Travis clenched his jaw. "But don't make my death stop you from exploring and investigating, if anything take more risks, because life it too short, and there's so much to see… Have fun out there Travis."

"Phlox, we've got to know each other quite well over the years. I guess all my time spent in sickbay helped slightly." Trip beamed. "God knows you've had your hands fully with me. I mean first male to get pregnant? I never saw that coming!" Phlox nodded sadly. "I just wanted to thank you for everything you've done for me, I'm glad I got to know you Phlox, goodbye." Trip finished.

Phlox looked over to Commander Tucker's casket. "Goodbye Commander" he whispered, sadly.

"Jon, you've been one of my oldest friends. You have been like a brother to me, I know we've drifted apart recently, but you had a job to do, and I respect that. We've had so many adventures, it's a shame they've had to come to an end, but I've seen more than I could possibly imagine, and it's because of you, Jon, that I got this opportunity. I'm going to miss you…" the recording ended. Archer blinked the tears away, as he moved over to the console which would launch the coffin.

"T'Pol, this is the hardest recording I've had to make." Trip paused, as if thinking how to continue. "I've revised this recording since we were on Vulcan, as there I came to realise some things about you, that I had kept hidden." he paused, once more. "I remember our first few weeks on Enterprise, and I remember thinking you were one of the most infuriating and annoying people I had ever met…that's still true" he smirked. "But that's one of the reasons I fell for you. I don't know when I really started having feelings for you, perhaps it was in the beginning, or in the Expanse, it doesn't really matter, but they are there and I haven't felt like this about anyone in my life. I know you're with Koss, something which you couldn't help, but I needed to let you know how I felt." he looked directly into the camera, as if locking eyes with hers. "I love you T'Pol"….

"And I you, T'hy'la T'Pol whispered, as she watched his casket being launched out into the blackness of space, her heart going with it. Her eyes misted, but she kept her composure. She was in public, and she was still Vulcan, but inside she felt broken, empty, and very alone.

Trip Tucker had touched so many lives, changed so many people - for the better. He had been the heart and soul of Enterprise, and now he was set to spend the rest of eternity floating dead, within the dark vacuum of space….

Or was he?

The end!

This fic was always intended to end like this. However as a die hard Trip/T'pol fan it just doesn't seem right ending it here. The beauty of science fiction means that pretty much anything can happen, and so a possible sequal could occur.Whether I do write more though is up to you, so please review.