Author's Notes:
Many thanks from mic for the comments on her pictures! We're both glad you like them!
This is actually the last chapter, complete with an epilogue…I hope you won't kill me once you reach the end of the story. Enjoy. I'm ever yours faithfully and thanks to each reviewer!
The Card's Prediction
The winds are howling when Yami steps out of the caravan. The morning is still dark as usual at the start of the circus season, but the roustabouts are already at work, doing their best to avoid a blowdown. Quickly, Yami pulls his warm jacket closer around his body and joins them.
"One hell of a storm, ain't it?", Joey shouts into his ear, fighting to steady one of the quarter poles.
"Worse than anything we had last year," Yami agrees, worriedly, as he too grabs the metal pole while Joey fights to pull over one of the granite supports they are using to secure the poles. "I hope the storm stops until the evening. We need to begin our training, we are already an hour behind. There is much to lose."
Joey gives him a slightly worried look. "You seem to be caring a lot more than usual, lately", he mutters, but Yami does not comprehend the meaning of the words over the howling of the storm and only regards him blankly for a moment, then returns to his fight with the red plastic canvas that is thrown about by the winds.
Almost all of the artists are helping to raise the big top today, worried faces everywhere, shouts colliding in the storm or being drowned by its howling. Not far from them Yugi holds the canvas for Anzu to tie it to a quarter pole while trying to persuade their grandfather to step back and spare his back the hard labour.
On his other side there is Ishizu working with Malik in a similar manner. Somewhere behind Bakura, rounding the next corner, he believes to see wind-blown brown bangs, the silhouette of a tall man, bending a little to shout something at a smaller boy with wild black hair.
It takes them almost two hours of work to fully raise the tent and secure it. The storm has calmed a little by then, the winds are no longer fiercely tugging at the canvas, only now and then a gust pulls at one of the flaps covering the entrance.
Sighing, Yami wipes his forehead and gives Joey a smile. "I could use some hot drink now", he mumbles to himself.
"That can easily be arranged", he hears a feminine voice behind himself mutter, and turns to find Ishizu giving him a smile. It strikes him strangely worried, stern with something painful in her eyes, but there is still invitation and kindness there. "Would you like some Egyptian tea? I have a new brand I would like to test and we have not been talking in ages. What do you say, Yami?"
Intrigued, Yami nods and smiles at her. "Thank you, Ishizu, I will gladly accept the invitation."
Thus Yami follows Malik and Ishizu into their caravan, fighting his bad conscience down since the weather does not allow any training anyway. His partner has not suggested a training pattern for the day yet, so there might be some spare time.
Inside it is warmer and the small caravan is well protected from the winds. It is still colder than the temperatures he is used to after the long winter spent in a comfortable house, so he keeps on his jacket as he takes his seat in the narrow kitchen.
Malik joins him, giving him a slight smile. "You doing well, Yami? I have not seen you in a while, always doing exercises here and training on the rigging there and never having enough time to stop for a little chat."
He winks at Yami's guilty expression. "Don't worry," he adds, "we still love you, even if you don't have much time for us. He is keeping you busy, though." There is a soft chuckle in his voice. Yami grins back tentatively, a little uneasy with the way their conversation is going.
Thankfully, Malik changes the topic. "What do you think about his little brother, though? Isn't he incredibly good?"
"That he is", Yami agrees. "He and Leon make a wonderful team. They have both accomplished considerable improvement together during the last few months. They are good for each other, you might say, there is creativity and development in their working relationship."
"Sounds familiar to me," Malik grins, and he is back on the topic Yami is trying to avoid.
Again he is spared embarrassment as Ishizu chooses exactly that moment to carry in the freshly poured tea and shoos Malik out of his seat.
"I believe you wanted to take a hot shower, boy?", she calls sternly.
In answer Malik rolls his eyes. "No, my lady, that was you", he rectifies. "You think I'm getting sick because I'm 'not used to the evil bad weather'"
"As you have almost been three times this winter, only kept from falling ill by my special treatments", Ishizu replies dryly and raises an eyebrow at him.
Muttering darkly to himself, Malik finally leaves the room and Ishizu takes his seat opposite Yami.
She sighs softly, hands folding around her teacup. "As I am sure you have noticed already, Yami," she begins hesitantly, "there is something I want to talk to you about. Or rather, there is something I might want you to tell me about...I do not want to worry you, but I have had a number of nightmares recently, which lead to my consulting the cards."
Yami's heart begins to pound a little faster in his chest. Just as the entire circus family knows that Yugi is a true magician, they know that Ishizu possesses the gift of foresight, the incredible awareness and accurate judgement of the present situation that allows her an almost eerie outlook onto the future, amplified in her interpretation of the tarot cards, a family heirloom.
"The dreams have pointed you out", Ishizu continues, "and they have indicated something happening to you...and to someone close to you. The cards did not offer any further explanation. I was hoping I could find hints in a consultation of the cards together with you. Would you want to know?"
Yami takes a large gulp from his tea in order to hide the shaking of his hands. Is there a danger to Yugi? Will Jii-chan's back get worse? Is it one of his friends from the circus group...or...even his partner?
"I am giving you a choice", Ishizu says quietly, never taking her eyes off him. "My dreams may not always be right, my interpretation of the cards can err just as much. Tomorrow you may have forgotten my words, the future will come. Sometimes it is not right to try to interfere, but sometimes the cards can offer helpful advice, not concerning the future but your present situation that may help you avoid an unpleasant event in the future. What do you say?"
Yami puts his cup down tenderly. He lowers his head and takes a deep breath. "I...want to consult the cards with you. I will not let them determine my future...but I want to know."
"That is wise", Ishizu murmurs and stands to get the cards.
The wind picks up speed and howls outside and Ishizu, opening one of the drawers in the near cupboard, is distracted for a second and asks him to turn on the small lamp standing close to the table. "It seems to get darker, does it not?"
The unusual stormy darkness is replaced by the gentle, flickering but nonetheless eerie light of the lamp as Yami lights it and settles down into his chair again, letting his fingers be warmed by the cup he is holding.
"The Celtic Cross will give enough information", Ishizu decides slowly, opening a wooden box carved with foreign symbols. "Alright, Yami. Do not fear this – we will try to find some good advice for you, try to find the cards' warning. None of this will truly predict your future, but it may influence the way you act or react and therefore influence it."
Yami nods, slowly. For a moment he is carried back to pleasant memories of childhood friends gathering around Ishizu and a small candle during a cold winter night, blankets over their shoulders, enjoying the excitement of getting a glimpse at the future when Ishizu read the cards for each of them.
Ishizu shuffles, then draws ten cards and places them on the table in the pattern of the Celtic Cross – two crossed in the middle, four arranged around them in a cross, four aligned next to the cross. Then, glancing briefly at Yami, she looks down at her cards, silent for a few minutes while Yami nervously sips his tea.
"Alright", Ishizu says softly, "Let us try to find the meaning of this together." She taps the bottom card of the two crossed ones in the middle. "The first position, you – the Heart of the Matter. Your present situation. The card you see here is called The Magician. It suggests willpower, confidence, potential for new beginnings. That is where you stand right now, and what you are."
There is a sudden flash of memory as Yami listens to what Ishizu is telling him.
"I am not like you"
"Not in every aspect, no". Windswept brown bangs, fluttering trench coat. "But I assure you that we are alike, somehow. Because I can feel it and because I knew you could feel it when we met for the first time."
He shakes his head softly. Then he nods at Ishizu and indicates her to continue.
"This card crossed over the other, that is the Opposing Factor, or the Factor of Change. This is...Judgement. Something you did or experienced in the past is probably catching up with you, be it a positive or a negative influence."
"Are we talking about my recent past?", Yami wants to know, memories already at work. There is only one event he can think of that could have such a vast influence. There are words coming to his mind…
Seto Kaiba stands in the door of his house, looking at him with fiery ice in his gaze, heating him and melting him and freezing him, leaving him exposed to all the forces of nature combined.
"Come in, Yami", he says, opening the door a little wider.
The house is silent and already the corners are darkening with the approaching night. It looks very similar to all the other houses in the camp, but it has a very personal touch with large shelves of books, stern and intimidating, but cheerful plants in between, suggesting the presence of a young, gentle spirit. There is a comfortable sofa in the living room, and a large armchair, both arranged around a small wooden table.
"Take a seat", Seto Kaiba invites and walks towards a small cooking space, opening the refrigerator as Yami carefully sits down on the cinnamon coloured plush of the sofa. "Beer? Wine? Soda?"
Letting his eyes travel over the room, Yami swallows and replies, "Soda will be fine, thank you."
Placing two glasses on the table in front of them, Seto Kaiba takes his seat in the armchair and crosses his legs. Yami meanwhile shifts uncomfortably, waiting for the awkward silence to end.
"Well, Yami", the deep voice that sends a shiver up his spine finally breaks it. "I believe it is time for you to answer my first question. I am not very inventive. What was your life like when you were a child?"
Somehow, he has expected this. The answer is carefully chosen, as if prepared.
"Lonely. Uncomfortable. Difficult. I was never sure if people liked me as a person or simply pitied me and my little brother. We had both lost our parents, I never knew my mother, Yugi lost his when he was two. We do not have the same mother, you know. My mother was a townie, as our father used to tell me. When they met each other she was convinced she could live the circus life. But it is hard for someone who has known life so differently to change enough to fit in with a circus, especially since she did not perform herself. At least that is how my father described it.
My entire childhood I wondered if people saw her in me, if they blamed me for her treachery of leaving my father, if they saw only her blood flow within me.
However, my entire adolescence I wondered if people only saw my father in me, the best flyer this circus has ever seen. I wondered if that was why Yugi's grandfather, Sugoroku, accepted me even after my father had taken his daughter, Yugi's mother, as his second wife.
Yugi's mother was a girl from the circus, a true gypsy, you could say. She, my father and Sugoroku's wife died in a car accident, on the way to the next town. We were too young to travel with them.
I cared for Yugi just as well as our grandfather did. He never lived entirely in this world, I think…some part of him went to another world with his mother, and it has stayed there ever since, making him what he is today.
That is the story of our past."
"Ah, the past" Seto Kaiba nods. "It catches up with you, once in a while. It also made you what you are today."
"It does not have to be a very recent event", Ishizu quietly answers his question. "Judgement may approach you for an event you cannot even remember anymore. Tell me if you can think of something. But the tarot should give further hints. Let us continue."
She places her finger on the card lying beneath the two crossed ones in the middle. "This is the Unknown Factor, the Unconscious Influence...And it seems the cards are very keen on reminding you of something that has happened long ago. This is the Six of Cups. It warns you not to live in the past to deal with the future...but it is lying reverse, which changes the meaning slightly. You see, when a card comes to lie reverse, it shows the negative of its meaning. The Six of Cups reverse warns you not to dwell on a traumatic experience in your past, rather than a happy one..."
Ishizu looks up and meets his eyes, realisation evident. Unconsciously, Yami looks at his hands lying in his lap. The thin white scars are almost invisible on the pale skin today, but they are there, always reminding him, never to let go.
"Yami! No!"
"Can you hear me! Yami, say something!"
Blue eyes filled with disappointment, confusion and anger.
"Dear God, Yami, you're bleeding!"
"Carry him out! Quick!"
"Yami, are you hurt?"
He will never be a challenge to those blue eyes again.
"Come on Yami, I will carry you out."
He will never see them again...eyes cold and hard as ice.
A small shudder shakes Yami's body. He looks up at Ishizu. "But it was such a long time ago. Do you think it still influences me so much?"
"The cards think it does", Ishizu answers patiently. "Maybe it is the reason why you are trying so hard now. You are certainly working all the time with your new partner, ever since you finally started your training together."
Biting his lip in thought, Yami acknowledges this with a small nod, signalling Ishizu to go on.
"And here we have the Past. But this time it is the Resolved Factor, an influence you have already overcome." She points her finger at the card lying outmost left of the Celtic Cross.
"It is the Moon, thought the card of illusion, intuition and confusion as well as deception. It lies reverse, though. That means suppressing your intuition, which can lead to deception as well. But it can also mean realising a deception – whether it is the deceit of another person or that of yourself. All that you seem to have overcome now – it is in the past."
"So that means I am on the right road now?", Yami demands, but Ishizu smiles sadly. "Not necessarily. You seem to have found a good way out of a past problem. But the other cards suggest there is still something troubling you. Three of the four cards you had until now also suggest new opportunities, new paths in your life. I did not mention this for it is a meaning not attributed to a certain card but to many, as a consequence."
"It seems so difficult", Yami whispers. "Confusion, you say? Lying to myself? That is something I have overcome."
"My second question, Yami. What made you draw back from me when I first arrived at the circus? What made your eyes so aggressive? And, if it was that incident, five years ago, then I want to know why."
Briefly, Yami closes his eyes. Opening them again, he reaches for his glass, slowly sipping, stalling. Seto Kaiba's gaze never wavers but Yami cannot withstand its intensity for a long time. Besides a game is a game. He sets the glass down. His eyes become slightly glazed, looking far away, past the other as he speaks.
"Yes, it was that…incident. You sat in the crowd that day, one of my friends had pointed you out, Pegasus had told me who you were. I…wanted to impress you. It is why I failed, I jumped higher than I ever had before – but my partner did not expect this from me, so our hands missed."
His voice falters, he reaches for the glass again. His partner's eyes are still impassive.
"So you blame me?", Seto Kaiba wants to know.
This time Yami laughs, mirthlessly, but a laugh nonetheless. "Certainly. But not in the way you think. I was angry with you for turning away. I was spoiled. I should have known back then that life is about performance, to you, to the others, to everyone. If you are not good enough, you fall. You are not worth a second glance. I am good enough now."
"That you are", the taller man states calmly. "But it has made you bitter." He stands up, steps around the small table towards Yami to stand before him, staring at him with blazing fire in those eyes of frost. "I changed you, Yami Mutou. I destroyed something that was an intrinsic part of you before I even got to know you. I made you like me when I first laid eyes upon you. I cannot regret, I am what I am. But do you regret it?"
Yami stands as well, facing Seto Kaiba, closer to the other than he has ever been before, perhaps not physically, but in mind and soul.
"No", he whispers fiercely, "I used to hate you for it. I will do so never again."
"Then let us move on to your beliefs, your goals. This is the Conscious Influence on your life. Look at the card and guess yourself, this time."
Yami follows Ishizu's pointing finger and his gaze meets a familiar fierce one, hidden behind light brown bangs, a sword raised between those eyes. Gypsy beads are woven into the fabric of his clothes but above them rests a silvery armour, broadening the shoulders, intensifying the air of aggression in the guarded face. Immediately he knows.
"He is called the Knight of Swords", Ishizu explains softly. "He is confident and fearless, charging forward. He stands up for his beliefs, he defends them aggressively. This is who you admire, Yami, who you aspire to be like. I can think of someone…and I am sure you can just as well."
"My third question."
It is no more than a whisper between them, no more than an exhalation as they stand before each other. "What do you want most?"
His eyes widen and he takes a step back, the hollows of his knees bumping against the sofa. Seto Kaiba simply follows, trapping him. "At this very moment, Yami. And for all the days to come. What do you want most?"
"I…I…want everyone to be happy…and healthy…and I want to be successful…and…and…"
Seto Kaiba is leaning towards him, his calm deep voice reiterating.
"What do you want most?"
"Strength", Yami whispers, "Power. Heat. I…want to fly."
His hands brush over Seto Kaiba's arms, he grasps them as the taller man leans closer still.
"You can have it all", Seto Kaiba whispers back. "I offer. I can make you fly."
"Yes" It is merely a breath and it meets the other's lips just before they touch his. Just before they fulfil their promise. Strength, power and heat. And he is flying.
"Yami?", Ishizu asks softly, snapping him out of his daze.
"Yes, yes…continue", he answers her unformulated question.
"Next is the Future, Yami. The Approaching Influence. The Fool… this is how they call this card, the first card of the tarot deck. Full of enthusiasm and purity of action the Fool sets out on a new path in his life. The card shows you believe in yourself and your path. But it can be a warning. Be not rash, it says, pay attention to what you are doing, try to see the details. I advise in this case to consider especially the warning, since the card is lying in the place of your Future."
Yami looks down upon the card. There is the joker, doing a cartwheel on the edge of a cliff. The sun is bright, illuminates his face like a spotlight, and on his face there is a smile. The way beside the cliff is long, leading towards the sun, into the light. The gaping abyss next to it is ominously dark.
"Where will I see the signs? It is a tightrope walk, is it not?", he says softly, lifting his head to look at Ishizu.
She sighs. "It seems so, Yami. And I cannot tell you where to look for the signs. The cards are trying to show you, you know the current influences on your life. Consider them. Think about what you are doing."
Seto Kaiba is kissing him and there are no thoughts left. Yami tilts his head and it rests on the sofa the two of them have sunk down upon. His arms are wrapped around Seto Kaiba's back, grabbing fistfuls of the other's shirt.
Releasing his mouth for a breath, the taller man pulls back and looks at him.
"Do you still want this?", he says slowly after a few seconds of tense silence have passed.
Yami can only nod mutely, hands now resting on the other's shoulders.
"It will change you more", Seto Kaiba announces darkly, "You know the rules of my life now, I cannot be myself and live by another's rules. How are you going to abandon your own rules?"
"I can", Yami whispers. "This is my future. I can do what I want."
"It is not wise", the other murmurs harshly. "It is not right of me to make you do this."
Yami does not answer. Instead his hands tighten around the other man and with a full display of his strength he reverses their positions, all but shoving Seto Kaiba into the sofa cushions, diving for his mouth once more.
Ishizu sighs. "The next card shows you the person you can be, or the way you present yourself. It is speaking rather clearly – this is the King of Cups. He is a leader and a good listener, he is not superficial. He also relies too much on his feelings, but he is a person others rely on. Yami...there is much more in you than you have ever given yourself credit for. But it seems your current path in life is not bringing it all out. Be careful about the influences on your life..." Her eyes are boring into his.
Yami sighs and looks away from the table, out of the window where the storm is raging. "Ishizu. You must understand. He is more than just an influence. I cannot give this up because a card is telling me so."
Something flashes in Ishizu's eyes. "Perhaps you don't have to give him up. Perhaps it is just about changing your attitude...Let's see what others think about you."
She points at the next card. "Unsurprisingly, this card is Strength. To others you are the epitome of courage and determination. You seem to overcome every obstacle...I admit, Yami, that I see you that way myself, sometimes. Every once in a while you seem invincible almost to a point of an unnatural strength coming from within you. Yes, this is something that has occurred recently, ever since the day he became your partner and challenged you."
"Then why do you consider him such a bad influence?", Yami demands fiercely, eyes blazing with annoyance. The older woman is not deterred by his glare.
"Because strength is not all your life should be about. The King of Cups showed you what else you can be, using this strength differently. But in my opinion...if you allow me to tell you...well...you are focussing your strength too much on your work, on the achievement of success. He brings out enormous strength in you, but the way you use it...Yami, I cannot approve."
"It is simply hard training. It is necessary to be successful and maintain your position...The others never said anything about it, they don't think I need to reconsider or change", Yami mumbles.
"How was your training, Yami? Going well? Did that big silent jerk keep you busy again?"
"Meeting with another person is never as difficult as meeting with your actual self. I have to do this all the time to be able to cross my boundaries. You will find yourself in the same situation soon, but it is not going to be about the kind of magic I am training for."
"You seem to be caring a lot more than usual, lately"
"You doing well, Yami? I have not seen you in a while, always doing exercises here and training on the rigging there and never having enough time to stop for a little chat."
"Are you sure you are not lying to yourself?", Ishizu questions mysteriously, looking at him with something in her eyes that reminds him of Yugi. He chooses not to answer, turns his head towards the window instead.
Ishizu's voice is almost stern as she continues. "The Overlooked Factor is next, Yami. Your hopes and fears. But in this case it seems the card is strongly concerned with your fears.
A small shudder passes through Yami's body as he looks at the card. There is lightning and there is fire and in the middle of it all a crumbling tower. Human bodies are falling.
"A fatal change", Ishizu whispers. "that is what the Tower suggests. Harsh reality shatters your hopes – and it may be caused by yourself, even if you do not know it. It also...suggests the end of a relationship, sometimes."
Yami's head snaps up to meet her eyes. "No", he says, voice hard and increasing in volume. "The cards do not know this. I will not fail in this, we will not fail."
"That is just what I meant, Yami", Ishizu murmurs. "You fear it so much that it may actually come to pass. Look at your last card, Yami." Now her voice is rising as well. "You fear something fatal happening so much you willingly choose a path that promises an outcome like this. Yes, this is your Final Outcome – The Ten of Swords...Look at it, Yami, and tell me what you think!"
Ten swords, their painted edges shining silver, their tips sunk into a human body.
Outside the storm is calming, there is the rolling of thunder in the distance, rain is pounding softly onto the window.
"Pain, despair, mental anguish. An unexpected end because of treachery or misfortune."
At Ishizu's softly spoken words, Yami buries his head in his hands.
"How shall I understand this, Ishizu? All the cards seem to suggest is that I am wrong! But I have finally found something that feels right! Why can I not have this? Why not, Ishizu? What am I doing wrong?"
He is tearing frantically at his hair.
"Don't do this, Yami", she soothes. "It is not too late. See...the Ten of Swords also indicates a new chance, that it is time to take a new path. Try it, Yami. Think about your ambitions and those of Seto Kaiba. Think about his and your way of life. Think about the influences of your past. You may save something if you do so. It seems you have some hard times ahead, but I am confident you will manage."
She walks around the table and puts her arms around him. Yami buries his head in her chest and they rest like this for a few minutes. Slowly, Yami disengages from the embrace and stands. He leans up and places a small kiss on Ishizu's cheek.
"Thank you for the warning", he says, softly. "I will try to make the best of it. But I do not know how much I will be able to save. There is more than myself to save...I am not alone on this path."
Ishizu nods. "Do your best, Yami. We will always be by your side."
"Sister, the storm is ending! Oh, Yami, good you are still there! I could cook something for us." Malik walks into the room, towelling his hair and smiling at them.
"No, thank you", Yami excuses himself politely. "I think I need to see someone. I will talk to you later. Besides, there may be some leftovers from lunch. I doubt many of the others went through that storm to the cookhouse, most of them will have stayed inside their caravans."
"You're right about that", Malik muses. "Well, should I get something for you too, my lady? Or do you want to come with me?"
Ishizu is gathering her cards and carefully storing them away. "No, thanks, I will stay here. I have a lot to think about." Nonetheless she smiles at them. "But if you find something I like, I appreciate it, of course. And, Yami…Good luck."
"Thank you", he whispers and leaves the caravan with Malik.
Outside, they part with Malik heading off towards the cookhouse and Yami walking towards Seto Kaiba's trailer. The largest window is lit, meaning that the other is currently reading a book in his armchair – the one he removed from his house at the winter camp and carried into the caravan by himself.
Yami does not knock but confidently opens the door and steps inside. The man in the armchair does not look up from his book, but there is a subtle smile on his lips when he hears the door being shut.
"Ready for the training, Yami?", he wants to know. "We should really get started, we are two hours behind because of that storm, after all." His left hand reaches for a bookmark lying on the near table.
"Not today, Seto", Yami says softly, leaning against the wall. "I do not think any of the others are going to train today. We are lucky if we can even perform in the evening."
The book snaps shut and Seto Kaiba looks up at him, blue eyes now suspicious and slightly narrowed.
"Yami", he says, "We both know none of the others – exceptions being our little brothers – have enough skill to compete with us. We cannot allow them to be our measures, we cannot apply the same standards for them that we apply for us."
"I know", Yami says, keeping his voice low. "But our own measures are getting slightly out of control."
Slowly, Seto Kaiba stands, gently placing his book on the table. "What do you mean?", he demands.
"I am talking about danger, Seto. I am talking about my hands sometimes slipping from the bar because they ache so much I cannot hold them up any longer. I have never admitted to this kind of pain before, not to you and not to anyone else…I do not want pity and you know it, Seto. I know I am strong. But I know when I reach the point of real danger. I was there once, and you saw it, you saw me fall. I am never going to reach this point again, if I can help it…and…I wouldn't want you to experience what I went through back then."
They are both silent. Finally Seto Kaiba speaks. "So you finally reject my rules?"
"No", Yami murmurs, "I still appreciate strength and hard work, but within reason. Of what use will it be to destroy ourselves by working so hard it becomes dangerous to our health? What we are doing is self-destructive, Seto."
The taller man throws his head back and laughs. "I have always been self-destructive, Yami!", he cries. "I thought you would know by now! Once you saw only my strength, didn't you? And you wanted so desperately for me to be weak as well…so you did not have to feel inferior. Is that not correct, Yami?"
He is taking slow steps towards him, a strange expression, a smile torn with emotion, on his face. "Did you not wish for me to be weak, Yami?"
Screams come to Yami's mind, all of a sudden. Long forgotten screams penetrate his thoughts as he stares up into those icy blue eyes. He does not understand the words, but he recognises his own voice, or rather the voice of his twelve year old self. And remembrance comes, slowly, but steadily, the screams of fury and hatred taking shape.
"Curse you!
Curse your pride!
Cursed be your self-confidence, cursed be your skill!
One day you shall be bereft of them all!
Just you wait! Just you wait!"
"Yes…", he whispers. "I wished for that….and…" His eyes widen and he stops abruptly.
"This card crossed over the other, that is the Opposing Factor, or the Factor of Change. This is...Judgement. Something you did or experienced in the past is probably catching up with you, be it a positive or a negative influence."
"No!" With a cry of sudden realisation and fear Yami raises his hands up to his face, staring at the white scars. "Seto! You have to stop this, now, or something terrible will happen…."
"Yami, calm down", Seto speaks softly, confusion in his voice. His hands are reaching for Yami's, pulling them away from his eyes.
"I cannot", Yami whispers, and then he throws his arms around Seto Kaiba and harshly pulls him into a kiss. Half delirious, he feels the other man's hands slip under his pullover, caress his back and he growls and presses closer. His eyes are firmly shut, his hands are pulling on the other's hair as Seto Kaiba tries to stir them towards the small bed shoved against the wall in a corner.
The bed is too small for them to lie next to each other, so Seto Kaiba settles half on top of Yami, whose eyes are filled with conflicting emotions. There is desire in them, and fondness, but worry and fear as well. "Seto", he whispers and strokes the thick strands of hair with trembling fingers.
The other leans down, showering his face with small kisses, one on the forehead, on his right temple, on his earlobe and his cheekbone, beneath his eye, on the corner of his mouth. In between the kisses he is speaking.
"You are…certainly….unlucky, Yami….to end up with…me…"
"No", Yami murmurs fiercely, tilting his head into the kisses. "No, I am the luckiest…ohhhh."
Again, Seto Kaiba bites his neck. "You are unlucky." His tongue swipes once, twice over the mark on Yami's reddened skin. "I am self-destructive and egoistic." He kisses the abused spot then moves on towards the collarbone. "I need to push myself to the edge of danger."
Beneath him, Yami arcs into the kiss slightly, moaning softly.
Abruptly, Seto Kaiba pulls back and frees Yami of his pullover. Staring down at him, he speaks softly. "I took you there with me…and I feel no remorse. We fly together, Yami. We are the only ones that can make each other fly…."
Yami's hands run over his taller partner's shirt, working frantically on buttons. "But…we can….without dangerous training…." He gasps softly as he speaks the words against Seto Kaiba's lips. "I can…make you fly….right now."
And with those words he violently tears the other's shirt open and attacks his bare chest with kisses.
There it is again, the magical atmosphere as the crowd slowly fills the seats surrounding the ring, as children's voices and laughter mingle into the familiar buzzing sound resembling a hive full of bees.
The Gypsy Brass Band members take their seats, Pegasus lifts the curtain slightly and gives Siegfried a thumbs-up. His cousin nods back at him, raises the conductor's baton and the band begins to play a cheerful tune.
As Pegasus prepares to step out, there is a series of loud coughs echoing though the backyard, luckily unheard by the audience outside due to the loud music. Many of the artists turn where they stand in lines waiting for the spec, now searching for the origin of the sound.
"Yami", Yugi whispers softly, eyes wide as he turns towards his older brother who is currently held by Seto Kaiba while he is coughing violently, his cheeks flushed. The younger boy rushes to Yami's side and with a move of his hand swipes his blond bangs away. "Yami, you have a fever! You have been coughing all afternoon! It is dangerous for you to perform tonight!"
Yami opens his eyes to look at Yugi, and they are slightly glazed. "It's alright", he breathes, voice a little raspy, then he straightens his back. "I have been out in the rain, I've been careless. I have to face the results now. Besides Seto cannot perform our acts alone, that would be even more dangerous."
There is no more time for objections because Pegasus has already stepped out into the ring, speaking to the audience.
"Welcome, Ladies and Gentleman, at the Gypsy Circus! Encounter the gypsies and mystical creatures of the ring, let them take you to the bonfires, let them perform their magical dance, let them tell you stories of former days. Let them entrance you! Welcome now, the stars of the ring!"
The music is wild and fast and the spec is beginning. They have their best smiles on their faces as they walk out. Yami's face is partially hidden behind heavy make up as he tugs the corners of his mouth into a smile. The uncoloured cheek is still graced with a blush as he waves at the audience.
Adrenaline takes over for a short while and he performs a little flip-flop in front of a group of little girls with bright blue eyes. But as he tilts his head back a wave of unnatural heat is flooding his brain and for a second his vision blackens.
Almost blind he stumbles past the curtains and falls right into Amelda's arms.
"Parrot! What happened!" Quickly, Amelda lowers him to the ground. The other artists are already making their way over to him. Roughly, Ishizu pushes Seto Kaiba away before he can lower himself to the ground next to Yami.
Her voice is urgent, stern and almost panicky. "Yami. You are sick. Realise it now or it will be too late. Think of the cards. Think of their warning. Do not push yourself too far."
Coughing again, Yami tries to straighten up. "But… Seto…"
"No!", Ishizu cries. "You know well enough, Yami! Consider what I told you! You know what is going to happen if you go out there! Look at your hands, look at what you see there! Does that convince you?"
His hands, too, are slightly flushed with blood rushing through them, and the thin scars stand out even paler than usual. Yami swallows, then gives another small cough. He turns his head, looking for his trapeze partner.
Seto Kaiba is right behind Ishizu, standing with his arms crossed, looking at her with murder threatening in his eyes.
"Your turn, Anzu!", Someone is calling behind them, but Yami does not pay attention to what is happening around him. His eyes focus solely on Seto Kaiba.
"Seto", he says, his voice now calm and low. "Let us not perform tonight. Ishizu is right, it is dangerous."
Seto Kaiba looks down at him with a strange expression, as if he is torn inwardly. Indecisiveness is hidden in his posture, arms crossed in front of his chest. Outside, the audience is applauding and cheering frantically for Anzu.
"You will not perform", Seto Kaiba finally confirms. "Go rest. I can do this alone."
"No!", Yami cries, then coughs again and continues in a roughened voice.
"You can't….we….Seto, I saw something….we cannot…." He coughs again.
Seto Kaiba returns the formerly received gesture of unkindness by pushing Ishizu away and lifting the still coughing Yami into his arms, carrying him into the backyard and sitting them both down on one of the chests usually containing their performance outfits and props.
The sounds coming from the ring are slightly muffled as the taller man bends his head slightly to place a kiss on Yami's lips.
"Seto…", Yami mumbles, evading his lips a little. "You have to listen….it is important this time. You remember the night I asked you to go easier on our training? That same night….I learned something…about us. Ishizu….her cards showed me…"
Seto Kaiba interrupts him with a harsh laugh. "That woman! One day she's going to predict the end of the world! Don't mind a word she says, Yami." He playfully bites Yami's lower lip.
Yami, however, is struggling to beat down the sensation and focus on what is really important, trying to ignore the rising panic in his chest. "Seto! Listen to me! It is important! No matter if you believe in fortune telling or not, some of the signs were so obvious once I thought about them. You have to consider it! You know just as well as I do that it is too dangerous for you to go out there and perform alone!"
The taller man snorts indignantly. "I did it all the time before we started training together. I will manage just as well, this time."
"Seto", Yami whispers. "Seto, but what if you don't? I…I cannot even imagine…"
"Go to bed, Yami", his partner tells him, sternly. "I will not give you a reason to doubt me, ever again. I will perform tonight."
"No!" Helplessly, Yami wraps his arms around the other. "Please, don't!"
Seto Kaiba ignores his raised voice and moves to pull out of his embrace. "No!", Yami cries frantically, clinging harder to the other, feeling weak and powerless to stop him. "If….if you go out there I will…."
There is a smirk on the other man's face, the old challenge back in his eyes. "What will you do, Gypsy?"
Something desperate flashes in Yami's eyes. "I will never be with you again. Never kiss you again, never speak to you again! Do you hear me, Seto Kaiba? Don't go out there!"
An icy cold chill washes over Yami's limbs as he sees Seto Kaiba's eyes turning cold and hard as steel. "No, Seto!", he whispers desperately. "Don't! You know I did not mean it like that! Seto!"
His cries go unheeded as Seto Kaiba turns around to walk out of the backyard.
Tears of anger are stinging in Yami's eyes when he jumps up and runs after the other. He catches him right at the entrance to the area just behind the curtain and turns him around harshly, vision blackening for the fraction of a second.
"You won't, Seto Kaiba", he hisses, clinging to the other's chest and upper arms.
"Let go of me, Yami" The other's voice is just as icy as his glare. He is trying to wrench out of Yami's grasp.
"Never!", Yami hisses back, clutching him harder. "I won't give this up!"
"Go away", Seto Kaiba snarls and he pushes hard at Yami's chest.
Yami's sweaty hands lose their grip on the other's bare skin. Heat flares up in his body and darkness in his vision. As he falls backwards into a pool of deep forgetfulness, he sees stunned blue eyes, boring into his.
….
The music is still loud in his ears, pounding painfully on the inside along with a headache that makes him dizzy for a moment. He tries to sit up and feels someone pressing him down into a chair. Then he hears Sugoroku's voice, close to his ear.
"Shhh, my boy, relax."
"Jii-chan…", he murmurs and his throat feels sore from coughing and screaming. "Where am I? What is happening?"
"You're still in the backyard, Yami", comes the answer, "Everything is alright. The performance is almost over"
Yami's eyes snap open at those words and he is all but jumping to his feet. "Seto!"
"Calm down, my boy!", Sugoroku tries to push him back down. "He is alright, he is already performing"
All of a sudden Yami's blood is running cold. "Oh no, Jii-chan….no, he couldn't have…"
Sugoroku sighs and puts his arm loosely around Yami. "Ishizu tried to talk him out of it together with Yugi…but he just pushed them away and went into the ring. Quite the strong-headed man, is he not?"
For a moment, Yami's lips are moving soundlessly, his eyes staring dully at Sugoroku's old face. Then, without warning, he breaks free from the other's hold and is running, clinging to poles here and there, supporting himself as his heart is racing, faster and faster, blackness creeping around the edges of his vision. Reaching the curtain, he halfway pushes the red fabric aside.
The first thing he sees is Seto Kaiba, letting go of one of the flying bars, performing a difficult series of somersaults. The next thing he sees is one of the other flyer's hands slipping on the next bar as he tries to reach it out of his fast spin. The last thing he sees is Seto Kaiba falling.
"NO!"
Yami's scream is drowned in the mutual one of the audience as once more unconsciousness takes him.